MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 11 [ 1 / 1 ]

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Joseph Nebus

Feb 2, 2023, 7:07:38 PMFeb 2
> XI

CROW: Xi Xperling, president of the hair club for zmen.


TOM: The 19th-Century struggle between Britain and Russia for mastery in Afghanistan and how it changed the world!

> The famous race between Grumpy Weasel and Jimmy
> Rabbit went on and on.

JOEL: They stumbled into an existentialist drama without realizing it.

> Jimmy turned and twisted this way and
> that,

CROW: No, not *that* way!

> up and down and back and forth

TOM: *And* Fortran.

> through Pleasant Valley.

JOEL: [ As Ted Stryker ] I don't know if we'll ever be through Pleasant Vally.

> He could still run faster than Grumpy Weasel, it is true.

CROW: Well, that would seem to settle the race then, wouldn't it?

> But
> he was growing tired. Now and then Jimmy stopped to rest.

JOEL: Have you considered calling 'Olly Olly Oxen Free'?

> And
> he kept hoping that Grumpy Weasel had become so weary that he
> had given up the chase.

TOM: That's it, wait for the creature driven by anger to get over it.

> But Grumpy Weasel never stopped once.

CROW: He started right in on stopping twice.

> And whenever
> Jimmy Rabbit spied him coming along his trail Jimmy would
> spring up with a sigh and rush off again.

JOEL: [ As Coily ] o/` No sighs! o/`s`

> He began to understand that such a race was no joke.

TOM: Jimmy took a frivolous view of the sport of 'Dare Ta to a Foot Race'?

> He certainly didn't want to lose the race.

CROW: The only way to race is not to race.

> And he certainly
> didn't want Grumpy Weasel to come up with him.

JOEL: Maybe Grumpy Weasel will just give you a big hug?

> He had always
> kept at a good safe distance from that ill-natured fellow.

TOM: Except on Accept-A-Dare Thursdays.

> And Jimmy felt most uneasy now at the thought of Grumpy's
> catching him.

CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'What if he tickles me?'

> "He must be very hungry, after running so far," Jimmy
> Rabbit said to himself anxiously.

TOM; [ As Jimmy ] 'Maybe I can get him talking about what kind of protein shakes he likes.'

> "If he's as hungry as I am
> he wouldn't be a pleasant person to meet."

JOEL: What if you meet him at the Chinese buffet?

> And that thought
> made Jimmy run all the faster, for a time.

CROW: But he's not running for a time.

> But he soon found
> that he had to stop more often to rest.

TOM: Jimmy hauls off and smacks a tortoise who wasn't even involved.

> And to his great
> alarm Grumpy Weasel kept drawing nearer all the time.

JOEL: When in the race do you figure Jimmy realized he forgot to pick a finish line?

> At last Jimmy Rabbit became so worried that he swept

TOM: Compulsive cleaning is at least a useful way of handling nerves.

> around by the stone wall again and stopped to whisper to old
> Mr. Crow.

JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'What? You act like this is my fault somehow!'

> "He's still chasing me. And I can't run forever.

TOM: isn't that the lyrics from 'The Raccoons'?
JOEL: o/` Come run forever ... o/``

> What
> shall I do?" Jimmy asked the old gentleman.

CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Have you considered flying?'

> "I'll think the matter over and let you know
> to-morrow,"

TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'For a hamburger today.'

> Mr. Crow muttered hoarsely. To tell the truth,

JOEL: Will the real Grumpy Weasel *please* stand up?

> he
> was alarmed himself.

TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'Oh, *he's* alarmed now?!'

> And he had no idea what Jimmy Rabbit
> could do to save himself from Grumpy Weasel.

CROW: Maybe have Paddy Muskrat swim at him?

> While they talked, Grumpy's cousin, Peter Mink,
> watched them slyly.

JOEL: Well not *that* slyly, just sort of slyly-ish-ly.

> "Who do you think is going to win the race?" he
> jeered.

TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Look, why do you want to make everything a horserace?'
JOEL: [ As Peter ] 'It's literally a race and neither of them are horses!'
CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'My voice is pretty hoarse!

> Mr. Crow did not even turn his head. He felt very
> uncomfortable.

TOM: Really? Whatever for?

> But he tried to look unconcerned.

CROW: Don't frown! .. Oh, perfect!

> "Run along!" he said to Jimmy. "To-morrow I'll tell
> you what to do."

JOEL: Wait! I just had an idea, Jimmy, put on this Girl Weasel costume and I'll play the sultry music!

> "To-morrow---" Jimmy Rabbit panted---"to-morrow will
> be too late."

TOM: o/` To-morrow will be tooooo laaaaate! o/`

> Then all at once Mr. Crow had an idea.

CROW: If I could stop Valentine's Day from coming --- but how?

> And he
> whispered something in one of Jimmy Rabbit's long ears

JOEL: 'Coronet Blue'?!

> that
> made the poor fellow take heart.

TOM: Also ears.

> "All right!" Jimmy cried. "I'll see you
> again---sometime!"

CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] 'See you soon!' [ To himself ] 'He's dead.'

> And away he ran, just as Grumpy Weasel
> came racing along the stone wall,

JOEL: He's stonewalling.

> looking as fresh as a
> daisy.

TOM: Please don't eat the weasels.

> "You'd better stop and rest a while!" Mr. Crow
> croaked. "If you get too tired you'll never win."

CROW: [ As Mr Crow ] 'If this works Jimmy is set!'

> "Rest!" Grumpy exploded. "I don't need to rest! I
> never felt better in my life, except that I'm pretty hungry.

TOM: Aw, you're awfully cute even when you're stuffed, dear.

> But I'm bound to win this race."

JOEL: He shows off his giant horseshoe magnet and empty bag of iron baby carrots.

> As he spoke of feeling
> hungry he cast a longing glance at Jimmy Rabbit,

TOM: [ Makes a zzzzzz noise, like a fishing reel being cast. ]

> who was just
> dodging out of sight behind a distant tree.

TOM: Grumpy just went into a bar, made the biker strip naked, didn't even take the clothes.
CROW: Did Arthur Scott Bailey ever consider liking his protagonist?

> "Wait here a bit, anyhow!" Mr. Crow urged him.

JOEL: Underneath this anvil!

> "Since
> you're sure to win---as you say---there can be no hurry."

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'If ... is this some Sophist nonsense? You gonna give me that thing about how since I never lost my unicorn horn I *have* a unicorn horn?'

> And
> Peter Mink too begged his cousin Grumpy to stop just a
> minute.

CROW: Think how Peter Mink feels begging Grumpy to spend more time with him.

> And he laughed, "Ha, ha!" whenever he looked at Mr.
> Crow.

TOM: They're coming to take me away?

> And strange to say, Mr. Crow said, "Ha, ha!" too.

JOEL: He's going to dare Grumpy Weasel to race *him*.

-- End of Chapter 11 --

Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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