Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss

[MiSTed] AKA "Mars" Probe Conspiracy

11 views
Skip to first unread message

Craig Whyte

unread,
Aug 10, 1997, 3:00:00 AM8/10/97
to

Since this is my first attempt at MiSTing, I decided to tackle
something short from alt.conspiracy. Any questions and comments can
be sent to wh...@tcnj.edu. If I get positive feedback, I'll do a
longer one with skits in it.

Craig Whyte
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Sun, 10 Aug 1997 00:51:07 GMT, rev...@radix.net
(rev...@radix.net) wrote:

>[ Mail from Junior Yeti Argon Wender. ]

All: (unenthusiastical) Hi Junior.

>[ Reposted with permission.]

Crow: Show me your permission slip or you can't on the field trip.

>
>Heard about the "Mars" probe?

Tom: Yup, they're not putting enough chocolate in the candy bars these
days!

> Or should I say, what THEY told you
>about it. I shall elaborate:

Mike: Please don't. I want this to be over real soon.

>I assume you read "Coincidence or
>Conspiracy?" in the first installment of "Starface."

Crow: Geez, he's fingering Al Pacino in all this!
Mike: That says "Starface", not "Scarface".
Crow: Oh.

> I was merely
>scratching the surface in a single amoeba

Tom: (as amoeba) Hey, hey, hey! Cut your fingernails!

> in the universe of
>conspiracies. Yes, the Kennedy assassination.
>
>You may think the "Mars" probe is a cute little robot guy

Crow: He's talking about me!
Tom: He's talking about *me!*
Crow: Is not!
Tom: Is too!
(the bots continue screaming at each other, getting more agitated each
time)
Mike: IF YOU GUYS DON'T STOP NOW YOU BOTH GET TIME OUTS!
Bots: Sorry.

> that is
>picking up rocks from Mars and taking pictures. Wrong.

Mike: It's placing rocks from Earth on Mars.

> Why would smart
>guys like scientists want a bunch of rocks?

Crow: They want the best collection in the neighborhood.

> They don't. The Mars probe
>is just some nobody

Mike: (singing) I ain't got nobody...

> taking a bunch of pictures of the Arizona desert

Tom: So that's why they all look like the Grand Canyon.

>and souping them up

Mike: (as Homer Simpson) Mmm... soup.

> with super Photoshop deluxe 6.2 or whatever they
>use.

Crow: Paintbrush from Windows 3.11.

> The thing that is actually going to Mars is a group of suicide

Mike: Machines.
Bots: (singing) Baby I was born to run.

>soldiers destroying Castro's Mars Base. What I told you were aliens

Tom: (as author) Are just figments of my imagination.

>were actually Sonoran Desert toads

Crow: Bud...
Tom: Weis...
Mike: Er...

> made giants

Tom: They Might Be Giants.

> by the Cuban black
>science team.

Crow: Winners of the Negro League in 1937.

> Lee Harvey Oswald was the caretaker of the base until
>1963

Bots: (make crying sounds)
Mike: (as Oswald, singing) Hush little Mars base, don't say a
word....

> when he discovered a sattelite based laser cannon. He used a
>computer radio scanner

Crow: To elude the fuzz in his attempt to leave Dallas.

> to infiltrate the meaning and found that
>president John F. Kennedy was to be assassinated.

Mike: (as JFK) If I put this on another planet, no one will have to
kill me!

> Upon hearing this he
>immediately contacted Castro who ordered

Tom: A Big Mac.
Crow: (as Oswald) Would you like fries with that?

> him to abandon the base and
>save him.
>
>What an average pink

Mike: Panther.
Tom: Lemonade.
Crow: -o.

> would consider Area 51 was actually, merely means

Tom: (as Area 51) Get away from me all you idiotic tourists! I'm
mean!

>of firing the laser cannon. The real Area 51 was demolished

Mike: When they tore down the Omni and Fulton County Stadium.

> in the
>valujet "crash."
>
>So, anyhow, Oswald was unsuccessful

Crow: Because he didn't fire from the grassy knoll.

> and one of the assassins shot him
>dead

Tom: Roundup kills Oswalds dead instantly!

> and he himself died "mysteriously."

Mike: Millions of people saw it on TV and you call it "mysterious"?
Yeesh.

>
>
>over and out,

Crow: (as author) Of my mind.

>Argon

Tom: I guess a followup will be written by Neon then.

>
>
>--
>_________________
>rev...@radix.net
>"People have funny-shaped minds" - Larry Wall

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and copyrighted (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All
rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for
entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original
copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or
should be inferred.

This posting is copyrighted (c) 1997 by Craig Whyte. Use of this
article or parts of this article other than entertainment purposes
requires my express permission.

Sesocks

unread,
Aug 11, 1997, 3:00:00 AM8/11/97
to Craig Whyte

Craig:
Not bad. Get some newer jokes in there, riff the actual plot, and put
in a leader and follow up, and possibly a teaser and some host segments
if you get a long one next time. Good jokes in there!

-Kevin

0 new messages