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[MSTing] Blood and Metal (Part 2 of 9)

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May 16, 1998, 3:00:00 AM5/16/98
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"Blood and Metal", by David Gonterman
MSTing by Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com)
Part 2 of 9

[ INT SOL. Everyone's lined up across the counter, eating ice cream. There are
two weird looking gadgets on the counter, one in front of Tom and Gypsy. ]

GYPSY: Mmm. Thanks, Mike.
CROW: Yeah, this was a great idea.
TOM: Nothing like a little ice cream every so often.
MIKE: Sure thing.
TOM: And this ice-cream-spoon-server-thingy-invention is great! [ He pokes
the gadget with his beak. It creaks and deposits some ice cream in said
beak. ]
MIKE: Yeah, I modified some plans the other guy left lying around.
CROW: So, Mike, what do you think'll happen with the fanfic?
MIKE: Well, I expect he'll fall in love with one of the locals.
TOM: Then, he'll get turned into some sort of furry creature.
MIKE: Right. Next, he'll destroy a bunch of robots--
BOTS: ACK!
MIKE: Sorry. And he'll gain even more power than before and live happily ever
after with his girlfriend.
GYPSY: Makes fanfic sense, I guess.
MIKE: At least until the sequel.
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
MIKE: Oops.
[ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ]
MIKE: Ah, great, we've got Davey Sign!!
TOM: My Mint Chocolate Chip!

[ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ]
[ Everyone enters the theater. ]

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 3
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Oh mah stars, is this guy the biggest hunk yawl ever seen?"

ALL: No.

> Bunnie
> Rabbot cried as she snuggled up to Davey's right leg. She only went up to
> his thigh, but then she expanded her robot legs and got into his chest.
> "And looky here, this one's got some fur! Oh, Sally Girl, grab a limb,
> there's enough man here for all of Knothole!"

ALL: Ewwwww!

> "He ess big, all right," Antoine DeCollette answered, then noticed the
> left arm.

TOM: [ Antoine ] It's all green and moldy! Yuk!

> "Ess

CROW: Aitch Eye--
MIKE: Don't finish.

> eet moi, or did Robotnik found ze Fountain of Youth?"
> "He's definitely not Ro-Butt-Nik, Twain.

MIKE: Anyone attempting to find a plot will have a lot of work ahead of him or
her.

> You should've seen how he
> trashes Swats! And I do mean Trash!!!! We are talking MA-17 mode here!
> Oil and wires and chips flying all around him! Robot corpses lying at his
> wake! See that tube in his mouth? He ripped it out of a Crabmeat with his
> own teeth!"

TOM: Wah! Wah!
CROW: I wanna go home!
MIKE: Look, Crow, Tom, you two head out and finish your ice cream with Gypsy,
OK? Take a longer break. I'll hold up the fort here.
TOM: [ sniffle ] Thanks.
[ Crow carefully carries Tom out of the theater. ]

> "He did not, Sonic!"
> "Hey Sal, I'm on a roll here! Where did King Acorn found him?

MIKE: I don't know where King Acorn find him.

> Psychos'R'Us?"

MIKE: We create total loonies and pass the savings on to YOU!

> "Sonic . . .

MIKE: [ Sally ] Your shoes are on the wrong feet.

> <sighs, turns to assembled Freedom Fighters> . . . I
> would like to introduce Davey Crockett. He's a messenger sent by my father.
> I think that message is in your

MIKE: [ Sally ] Pants. [ pause ] Oh, great. Crow's rubbing off on me.

> robot arm."
> "Okay." Davey said, held his arm up,

MIKE: And put his other hand on that arm.

> and pressed a button. The
> holographic projector sprang up.
> King Acorn appeared in mid-air:

MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, lick me.

> "Hello Sally, it's good to get to speak to you again. A lot has
> happened since I was able to temporary return to you.

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I think I left behind my ability to use grammar.

> I have made several
> discoveries to aid us in our battle against Robotnik.

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] A delicious figgy pudding.

> The ability to send
> Davey here is one. It is one step closer to me being able to return to
> Mobius for good. I have copied all of my findings in a CD-ROM, which you
> will find in Davey's robot shoulder. <On cue,

MIKE: Davey started singing the theme song to "DuckTales".

> a CD-ROM slid out of that
> spot, ripping through the shirt.

MIKE: Riiiiiiiiippp!!

> Rotor took the disk.

MIKE: [ Rotor ] Gimme it! I wannit!

> > It also contains
> several design files and computer programs from Davey's world. I assure
> you, they will be quite useful.

MIKE: [ King Acorn ] You can sort your comic book collection with this one
program over here.

> My daughter, there is not a day that passes
> by without me thinking of you. As much as I wish to return home, I had to
> settle to sending Davey in my place, and he I give to you.

MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, thanks a *lot*, Dad.

> Good bye, Sally.
> I love you always."
>
> The hologram ends, the lights turn back on, and Sally was found crying
> on Davey's shoulder.

MIKE: [ monotone ] Oh the emotion of it all I am swept by the amazing and yet
delicate prose thank you Davey for this fanfic.

> After a moment, when she dried her eyes, she looked at
> him and thanked him for what he did.

MIKE: [ Sally ] Thank you for making me cry.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "So Sal, what are you going to do with the psycho, er.

MIKE: What the heck is a "psycho er"?

> I mean Davey,"
> Sonic asked while munching on a chili dog.

MIKE: [ Sonic ] Mrrmphrrfwmmgrmfnd. [ Sally ] What?

> "I dunno, Sonic. I thought about returning him to his home, but not
> only don't I know how,

MIKE: Woohoo!

> but I'm afraid that the crystallization that almost
> killed Daddy might strike him as well."
> "In other worlds, he's stuck here."

MIKE: Woohoo times two!

> "I'm afraid so. Rotor, what would you find about that left arm of
> his?"

MIKE: [ Rotor ] Well, stuff, probably.

> "Nothing but incredible, Sally! Davey's robot arm is, in essence, a
> souped-up Nicole, but he has on-line satellite access and a data wire that
> gives him direct access into any computer on Mobius. If you believe in
> 'Knowledge is Power' . . . "

MIKE: Then the author must be really wimpy?

> "Then Davey Crockett could be the most powerful Freedom Fighter on
> Mobius! Man, we've got to keep him! Besides, he followed us here."

MIKE: [ Sonic ] Can we keep him? [ pause ] It doesn't really work when that's
what the author intended.

> "Yeah, right, but I wonder how he'll fit in here. He does look like a
> young Robotnik."
> "Sal, Sal, Sal.

MIKE: [ Sonic ] How can you be so stupid? So idiotic? So-- [ Sally ] Hey!

> Ro-Butt-Nik would not play Terminator with the Swats.
> Imagine what he'll do against Tubby himself when he gets back. His check is

MIKE: Bounced?

> definitely good here. By the way, where is he?"

MIKE: [ Sally ] Um, he had to, you know, go.

> "When I saw him leave the hut, I think he was heading for the ring
> lake. I'll go see if I can find a place for him to crash in." Rotor
> leaves.

MIKE: Was Rotor in the room? I didn't notice.

> "So, Sonic. Do you think Robotnik'll return?"
> "Haven't a clue,

MIKE: Hey, what's new?

> but I do doubt that he's gone for good."

MIKE: [ Sonic ] Bad guys always come back. It's in the Villain Rulebook.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Crow and Tom come back into the theater. Crow has an ice cream cone. ]
CROW: We're back and feeling great!
TOM: That extra time off really helped. I don't care if Davey kills a million
robots now!
MIKE: That's the spirit! It's just a fanfic. We know none of this actually
happened.
CROW: Right.
MIKE: Did anything happen while I was in here?
TOM: Pearl was ranting about some red fox character she met.
MIKE: Hm.
CROW: Here. I brought you some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
MIKE: Thanks. [ He takes the cone from Crow. ]

>
> Three full moons reflect their light into the lake. A flat stone skips
> the length, breaking the mirror-like reflection with its ever-increasing
> circles. A second was thrown, then a third. Several more flew away from
> the human arm of a Dimensionally Displaced

MIKE: Mattress named Zem.

> , and very homesick,

CROW: "Sick". Let's just stick with that word.

> Davey
> Crockett. When he ran out of stones to throw, he looked up at the multitude
> of stars above him.

TOM: Wait, those are the rocks that he threw.
MIKE, CROW: [ cartoon falling whistle ]

> One of these specks may be my home planet, Davey said to himself, not
> realizing that he was being watched by someone in the woods. I wonder
> what's going on out there right now. Do they know that I'm gone? Do they
> care?

TOM: Wha?
CROW: Gah?
MIKE: I think he's thinking to himself. There's no italics here; it's just
text.

> And what of the fox that scraped me off

CROW: The middle of the highway.

> that dark alley, replaced my
> lost arm with this cyborg one, and sent me here? I pray that he comes here
> soon. I pray for his safety in general. Planet Earth ain't the paridice

TOM: Or three dice, for that matter.

> God created.

MIKE: What if you pick the wrong religion? Every day you're just making God
madder and madder.

> I'd rather call it a hell-hole. He flops on a nearby log

MIKE: OK, I don't think he's thinking anymore.

> and
> raises his voice a little.

TOM: You mean his thinking voice, or his brain voice, or something.
CROW: You're making an unfair assumption.
TOM: What's that?
CROW: The assumption that Davey has a brain.

> Well, your majesty. I sent your letter to your
> daughter.

MIKE: Um, now, he's... thinking again.

> What the hell am I supposed to do now? He taps some keys on his

MIKE: Electric keyboard! Righteous tune, dude!
TOM: Rockin'!
CROW: BWAAAAARRR!!!

> left arm, and some new age music from an earthling artist named Enya

MIKE: [ Bowyer ] Play music I will! Listen to it you must, Enya!

> played
> from it.
> He hears someone coming near from the darkness of the forest. He
> looked towards the noise, and sees a small fox with two tails.

TOM: Could that be "Tails", perhaps?
MIKE: You never know. Everyone and their cousin has a Mobian personification,
and a surprising amount is related to one of the main characters.
CROW: Yeah. This could be maybe Matthew Prower.

> "Hi there,
> kit," Davey told him, holding out his hand as he would to a puppy in his
> world. "You friendly? I won't bite."

CROW: Oh, he bites, all right.

> The fox approached, hesitantly at
> first, sniffing him out. That robot left arm and the red color of his eyes
> does give Davey "the Robotnik look,"

MIKE: Hey, I thought only women had The Look.

> but his friendly smile and King Acorn's
> ring on the right ring finger dispels the fox's fears. He must've been in
> the Roboticizer and Sonic rescued him just a wee bit late, the fox reasoned
> to himself.

CROW: Yeah, rationalize, that's the ticket!

> Maybe I should make him feel at home. He does look lonely. By
> this time, the fox is close enough to be petted by the human's right hand,
> causing his twin brushes to wag.
> "I bet everybody calls you 'Tails,' don't they?"

TOM: [ Tails ] Nah, they call me Elliot.

> "Yessir."
> "Hey, call me Davey, please. Save the formalities for royalty like King
> Acorn, the Princess, or that french dude that's here."

MIKE: Pierre Escargot!
CROW: Plais retenir vos depuis mon radiateur: please keep your hands from my
radiator! Ha ha, ha, ha ha ha!
TOM: You know French?
CROW: I bought a book on learning French around 2215.

> "You must mean Antoine. He can be funny sometimes."
> "I reckon you'd be too when eating hedgehog backwash."
> Tails giggles hard enough to fall back on his tails.
> The duo was joined by a pink girl hedgehog. Tails introduces her as

TOM: Oh, great, three different tenses in a row. "Giggles", "was joined",
"introduces".

> Amy Rose. "You must be Davey Crockett the guy King Acorn sent here to
> deliver a message to Princess Sally and looks like Ro-Butt-Nik's found the
> fountain of youth and return to give us all h-e-double-hockey-sticks."
> "I sense a trend here."

TOM: The suckiness trend?
CROW: And in other news, the level of crap on Mobius has dangerously risen
ever since a human calling himself "Davey Crockett" arrived.

> "Uh maybe I shouldn't tell you about the rumor that you're a psycho because
> you like to shoot holes into Swatbots and watch them bleed 10W40 all over?"

BOTS: [ nothing ]
MIKE: Guys? You okay?
CROW: Yeah, Mike.
TOM: Fine.

> Davey jokingly mocked menace: "Looks like a certain blue hedgehog's gonna
> lose some of his rings a punch at a time."
> "I'd pay good money to see you try it."

CROW: I'd pay better money to see him lose.

> "Yeah Davey, Sonic's not the leader of the Freedom Fighters for nothing."
> "Yeah, I know--wait a minute. What's that in the water?" Tails ran
> toward a dock into the lake. A golden glow is forming in the water.
> "Alright! Another power ring is coming. Come over here and see this,
> Davey. It's gonna be cool!"

TOM: [ Davey ] Will it increase my chances of taking over the world?
MIKE: [ Tails ] Uh, maybe.
TOM: [ Davey ] In that case, let's go!

> Davey stood at the edge of the dock and looked straight down into the
> glow.

CROW: [ Davey ] Ow! I'm blind!

> A bright white circle formed within the glow and approached. The
> world turned to black on gold as the power ring broke the water.

TOM: Snap!
MIKE: That was pointless.

> "Way past
> cool, ain't it?" Tails asked. Davey could only stand in awe

ALL: Awwwwwww...

> as the power
> ring hovered in front of him. Slowly, he reached out to touch it. Again,
> the glow went nova.

CROW: Wow.

> Tails had to cover his eyes to avoid being blinded. He
> cried out to Sonic, but he couldn't hear his own voice.

MIKE: What?

> When the glow
> finally subsided,

CROW: So, once again, when something glows, that means you can't hear
anything?

> he saw that everyone in Knothole has heard him, but they
> were all staring at the dock that Davey was at.

TOM: Oh, now this is the epitome of crappy grammar! He changed tense TWICE in
ONE SENTENCE!!
MIKE: Tom, calm dowm. It's not that bad.

> Tails turned around toward
> the human.
> He saw a red fox holding the power ring and wearing the human's cap, he
> recognized it as Davey's because of the racoon tail attached on the back.
> "Way past cool!

MIKE: OK, recognizable catchphrase; that's Sonic talking.

> The power ring's changed him into a fox!"
> "Oh mah stars,

MIKE: Southern accent; Bunnie speaking.

> he just keeps gettin cuter every time I see him."

ALL: Ri-i-ight.

> "This is great,

MIKE: Hmm. I don't know, maybe Tails.

> now he can pass

CROW: Gas.

> as one of us."
> "Maybe I can geet

MIKE: Crummy French accent, that's Antoine.

> a power ring and be as tall as him, yes?"

TOM: No.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Fellow Freedom Fighters," Sally said in the evening campfire. "Today
> another Freedom Fighter has joined our ranks. A hero sent by my father to
> help us bring victory in our fight for freedom.

CROW: [ Sally ] Join me in giving the finger to my father.

> Hopefully, we will treat
> him a lot better than how he was treated in his home world. Everyone, I
> give you, Davey Crockett."
> "Davey stood up and tipped his hat to a round of applause.

CROW: Who's talking?
TOM: Hm, applause, that must mean he's giving a farewell speech.

> "H-Hi. I

MIKE: [ Dave ] Am spontaneously channeling the spirit of Porky Pig.

> would like to thank everyone, especially the Royal Family of Acorn, for
> having me. Er, Sally, you want this ring on my finger?"
> "Keep it."

MIKE: [ Sally ] It's got poison needles in, er, I mean, I'm allergic to gold.

> "It's from your father."
> "Keep it."

CROW: Oh, great, Sally's needle's stuck.
TOM: <whack whack> Maybe that'll fix it.

> "It could be all you'd see from King Acorn for a while."
> "Keep it.

TOM: Guess not.

> I want you to give it to him when he returns."
> "Okay, then. <Davey turns around> Hey, Hey, Hey, what are you people,
> the Freedom Fighters or a picture I drew?

MIKE: No!! Please not a picture he drew!

> Let's hear a 'To A Free Mobius'
> out there!!!!"

CROW: Wow. Four exclamation points.
TOM: The best I've ever managed was three.

> Cue a round of hooping and hollering from everyone as they welcomed him
> in.

MIKE: --to the snake pit.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

TOM: [ suave ] I do look dashing, don't I?

>
> Later into the night, Sally walked by the campfire to find Davey
> singing some song that she haven't heard to the tune of something she
> recognized.

BOTS: The hell?

> Apparently the notes being played matched too much with a song
> from his planet:
>
> On a dark desert highway
> Cool wind in my hair

MIKE: Where'd I put my comb?

> Warm smell of colitas
> Rising up through the air

TOM: Oops. 'scuse me.

> Up ahead in the distance
> I saw a shimmering light

CROW: OK, who lit a match?
MIKE: <fwooom>

> My head grew

CROW: Rather swelled.

> heavy, and my sight grew dim

TOM: It's these blasted Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses.

> I had to stop for the night

MIKE: Because I had to... well, ya know... go.

> There she stood in the doorway
> I heard the mission bell

CROW: Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to KILL DAVEY!!
MIKE, TOM: We accept!

> And I was thinking to myself
> This could be Heaven or this could be Hell

ALL: It's Hell.

> Then she lit up a candle

MIKE: <fwooom>

> And she showed me the way

TOM: Right over there. Ignore the giant fire-breathing dragon, he's, uh,
domesticated.

> There were voices down the corridor
> I thought I heard them say

MIKE: [ voice ] David... I am your--
CROW: We already did one of those.
MIKE: Oh yeah.

>
> Welcome to the Hotel California

MIKE: Da da da da da da da da.

> Such a lovely place
> Such a lovely place

CROW: Echo!
MIKE: Echo!

> Such a lovely face

TOM: And whose face would *that* be?

> Plenty of room at the Hotel California

MIKE: Da da da da da da da da.

> Any time of year
> Any time of year

CROW: Echo!
MIKE: Echo!

> You can find it here
> You can find it here

CROW: Science!
MIKE: Rules!
CROW: Huh?

>
> She smiled one more time for the night

CROW: So David Gonterman equals Ryan Huber plus Stephen Ratliff?
TOM: I guess.

> and retired to her hut.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 4
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

MIKE: We smile no more.

>
> The unearthly sound of Davey Crockett throwing up

ALL: Ewww!

> greeted knothole
> village the morning after the night he arrived. It came from Sonia
> Hedgehog's hut, who drew the short straw to find out with who he'll sleep
> with

ALL: Eewwwww!!

> until he got his own hut. Sasha Prower, a healer-slash-mage and Tail's
> cousin, and Rosie, the grandmothery nanny of Knothole, were headed there.
> "It sounded like Davey, Rosie," Sasha said. "Either Sonia's playing too
> rough with the guy . . ."

ALL: Eeewwwwwww!!!

> "Or th' last twenty-four hours hav' caught up t' th' poor lad. Ye
> remember, Sasha. Davey's been fed into th' Roboticizer, chucked through th'
> Void, and had his species changed.

CROW: At least it wasn't a sex change. That'd be *really* painful.

> An' all in th' same day . . ."
> " . . .why, no, Davey. I don't exactly envy you right about now," Sonia
> said to the human-turned-fox

CROW: Yeah, like we need a reminder.

> who was vomiting for the fifth time into the
> john.

ALL: Eeeewwwyuck!!!
[ Everyone ducks down and hides under the chairs. ]

> "Maybe giving you that chili dog late night snack wasn't a good idea.
> Hope you're no mad. . ."
> "Wuz that ya said? Ah's buzy . . ."
> "Buzy puking your guts out, I see. I wouldn't be surprised if your
> biochip fell outta your mouth."
> "Ha-Ha-Ha! Now that's an image burned int' memory fo' th' rest o' th'
> day. Ha-Ha--HARRUGGH!"
> He hacked three more times into the toilet, but nothing came up. "I'm
> afraid you are on empty, Big Guy." "Aw, crud. It's harder t' tell the ol'
> gag reflex to quit it when there's nothing left to puke."

CROW: Go see if it's done yet.
[ Mike gets up from under the chair. ]

> "Ach," said an incoming Rosie

MIKE: Incoming!!
[ He ducks back down. ]

> , "Look at ye, Crockett. Ye look like
> roadkill."
> "So that's what ah fell like?"
> "C'mon," interjected Sasha, "Let's get you back to bed."
> Davey managed to flush the toilet and lower the seat ("That was awfully
> nice o' him.") before he collapsed on his bed, actually, it was a cot that
> didn't compensate for the extra foot of legs that Davey left sagged on the
> floor.

[ Mike peeks up above the chair. ]
MIKE: The coast is clear, fellas.

> Sasha set her hands on the tall fox and both started to glow. "It's not
> really bad,

TOM: When did this moron attend college? When you're puking, it's not exactly
a good thing.

> it's probably a rough day catching up with him. I especially
> sense the stress between his roboticized shoulder and . . . his . . ."

CROW: [ Sasha ] Elf.

> She gasped.

TOM: [ Sasha ] I left the oven on!

> Her eyes dilated. Her fur turned white. "What's wrong
> Sasha? You look as if you seen a . . ."
> Sasha managed to lift the lid of the porcelain altar before adding her
> offering to Davey's.

MIKE: Speeeeew!
CROW: Literally.

> "His . . . His arm . . . Oh, God."

CROW: [ God ] Yes?

> "What is it, Lass?

TOM: Oh, there's a typo.
MIKE: You mean the capitalized L?
TOM: No, I mean the extra L.

> What's wrong?"
> "I-I just saw his left arm. It was

BOTS: Green and moldy?

> chopped off--NO!

MIKE: [ Sasha ] It WASN'T!

> It was SHOT off!
> It's lying in a pool of Davey's own blood. Hand . . . twitching . . .

MIKE: Spew and a half!

> crying out for mercy . . . But, was only greeted . . . with blood . . . and
> metal."

CROW: And we have title, ladies and gentlemen!

> "Oh my. Y'mean his arm wasn't roboticized!?!?"
> "No, Sonia. It was removed."

ALL: *Dah* dah DAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
TOM: Hey, he should be thankful he still has working arms! My arms don't even
work at all!!
CROW: And you've got nothin' to complain about either, Tom. Coconut Monkey
doesn't even *have* arms!
MIKE: [ CM ] Hello, I am Coconut Monkey. Welcome to my island paradise. I
would point out the many interesting sights to you, but sadly, I have no
hands.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Removed, you say,"

TOM: By Jove!

> Sally asked as she arrived into the hut. "That was
> one of the original uses of the Roboticizer, until Robotnik got his hands on
> it, of course. Will the poor dear be all right?"

MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, and Davey, too.

> Sasha was still gasping for breath. "That depends on what you mean my
> 'all right!'"
> Sally couldn't find anything about Davey from Nicole,

CROW: Other than the obvious, "he's a moron", "a crappy fanfic author", that
sort of thing.

> so she wanted to
> link up to his computer for an update.

TOM: [ Sally ] Oh, that Dilbert. Hee hee hee.

> She also wanted to catch him up to
> speed on Mobian current events, especially the parts about Robotnik leaving
> the planet for the time being,

CROW: Wha-huh?
MIKE: He's going to go pick up some McNuggets.

> and Sally having speed granted to her by the
> Deep

MIKE: Thirteen!

> Power Stones.

TOM: Su-u-ure.

> She also found out why Davey's arm was shot off, as
> another hologram from King Acorn appeared:

ALL: Poof.

> "I hope you're not viewing this file in front of all of Knothole,
> Sally. This concerns something that Davey here would like to forget: The
> political strife where he lost his arm.

MIKE: Lousy Democrats.
CROW: You got Democrat in my Republicans!
TOM: You got Republican in my Democrats!

> It would appear that there were a faction of Davey's ancestors that
> behaved much like Dr. Robotnik, for they

CROW: [ King Acorn ] Drank WD-40 and pigged out on donuts all day.

> captured a certain sub-race of
> their own species as slaves. Some of the descendants of these slaves,

MIKE: Wanted nachos.

> although granted their

MIKE: Stupid nachos.

> freedom almost a century ago, thought themselves fit
> to demand

MIKE: Even *more* nachos! Can you believe it?

> reparation for their captors' sins on their children. One of
> those such people shot Davey's arm off."

TOM: Fweeeeeee-ratatatatatata-kaBOOOOM!!!

> ("I swear, I would never consider to do such a thing . . . unless
> o'couse to a robot."

BOTS: Booooooo!

> "Was that before you became one, Sonia?"
> "I'll pretend I didn't heard that, Sasha.")

CROW: [ Sonia ] Just jump up my butt, Sasha.

> "I suspect that you would feel, as I did, very sorrowful over the
> whole ordeal, especially for how it left Davey.

CROW: Right.

> It is a situation where
> acts of injustice and intolerance is only met by another, and ages-old
> hostilities are prepeturated

ALL: "Prepeturated"?!

> over the generations.

MIKE: "Star Trek: Generations"?
TOM: Eh, too obvious.

> Davey Crockett would
> rather be dead than live in that world, and for a while, he was, until I
> brought him back to life with Sir Charles'

ALL: [ snicker ]

> toy. I will not blame him at all
> if he doesn't want to return to his home planet. . . "

MIKE: So, should we be categorizing this under "fanfic" or "rantfic"?
BOTS: "Rantfic".

>
> "The feeling is mutual, Daddy. Why would they make you answer for your
> ancestor's sins, Davey?

TOM: [ Davey ] Why not?

> I's just not fair."

CROW: [ snicker ] [ hillbilly ] Ja, I's just not no fair at all.

> "Yeah, if I want equality between different species, I wouldn't go and
> shoot off someone's limbs--"

MIKE: [ whoever the heck is talking ] I'd slice them off with a chainsaw!

> "DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!"

MIKE: Geez, sorr-ee!

> "Sorry, Sasha." "My, Sasha, that psionic backlash must've spooked you,
> didn't you?"

TOM: Now spooked, the herd stampedes.

> "Like you wouldn't know,"

CROW: Oh, so we do know, do we?

> she sobbed as she hung her head over her
> patient. "You wouldn't know

CROW: Wait, you just said we do, didn't you?
TOM: My head hurts.

> how much pain that tragedy causes him." Tears
> ran down her eyes.

ALL: [ tears ] Weeeee!

> "You wouldn't know how much it will return to haunt him.
> . . "
> "Aw, Davey," Sonia cried as she huddled by her new-found friend. "Why
> did they, whoever they are, do this to you? Are you doomed to become
> someone like Robotnik?" She felt a cold nose press up against her hot
> cheek.

MIKE: [ Sonia ] Eek!

> She opened her eyes to find Davey slurping her tears off with his
> tongue."

MIKE: [ Sonia ] <slap> Fresh!
TOM: I'm gonna add *my* offering to Sasha's and David's.
CROW: Who's talking now?

> "Will you look at that? Davey, you're too much."
> "He's supposed t' be th' one who's cryin', and here he is, drying our
> eyes. I tell you, Sally, this guy's a prince."

TOM: Does he dress in purple?
MIKE: Did he change his name to a symbol?
CROW: Yeah, *$&@#$!, the crap formerly known as Davey.

>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Sasha gave Davey something that resembled Alka-Seltzer

MIKE: Speedy! Noo!

> for his stomach

TOM: As opposed to what, for his pancreas?
CROW: For his bladder?
MIKE: For his brain?
ALL: Nah.

> and let him rest for a couple hours. After the nap, he found Sally still
> has

TOM: OK, that's the second sentence I've noticed so far containing more than
one tense.
CROW: You're going to start counting?

> Nicole connected to his arm by a wire housed under his wrist. Davey
> calls it his "Data Spear," because it reminds him of

MIKE: A data spear. Duh.

> Scorpion's projectile
> in 'Mortal Kombat.'
>
> CYBORG PRIME DIRECTIVES:
> 1) DELIVER MESSAGE TO PRINCESS SALLY

CROW: Check.

> 2) ASSIST FREEDOM FIGHTERS

TOM: BY COMMITTING SUICIDE

> 3) DESTROY ROBOTNIK BY WHATEVER MEANS DEEMED

MIKE: [ scribble ]

> NECESSARY
> 4) LIVE

ALL: Ha ha ha. It is to laugh.

>
> "I like that fourth one, Nicole.

TOM: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, fun.

> Continue."
> BIOCHIP GENERATES A HEADS-UP DISPLAY DIRECTLY GRAFTED IN HIS EYES, WHICH
> GIVES THEM THEIR RED COLOR AND OCCASIONAL GLOW. . . EXCUSE ME, SALLY, BUT I
> BELIEVE THAT MR. CROCKETT IS "BACK ON-LINE," SHOULD I SAY.

CROW: No, you should NOT!!

>
> "'Back on-line?' But what. . . <Sally looks up and finds Davey awake>
> Oh! Hi, there. Don't mind me. . . "
> "Surfing my forearm, Princess?"
> Sally giggles,

MIKE: [ Sally ] Tee hee hee... oh, you make me feel just like a schoolgirl!

> half out of embarrassment

CROW: Was she blushing?
TOM: Hard to tell.

> and half out of Davey's
> cyberpunk-talk. She'd never expect someone who wasn't 100% roboticized to
> talk that way, but she figured that they always talked like that on his
> planet.

TOM: Only the dweebs.

> "I'm just trying to figure out what your arm can do, other than act
> like a built-in Nicole, that is."
> "Humm. I wonder if your father bothered to give me some docs for this
> thing."

TOM: Doc Robinson?
CROW: Doc Johnson?

> EXCUSE ME, MR. CROCKETT, BUT I'VE

MIKE: [ Nicole ] JUST LET ONE.

> DETECTED A COMPLETE SET OF USER HELP
> FILES ARCHIVED IN YOUR HARD DRIVE. DECOMPRESSING THEM SHOULD TRANSFER THEM
> DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN.

CROW: [ Nicole ] THEY'RE A TOTAL OF 47 GIGABYTES, BUT SPACE SHOULDN'T BE A
PROBLEM.

> "Thanks, Nicole. If you'd excuse me. . . <Davey's eyes glowed for a
> moment.

TOM: Oh, he's been infused with Mako energy.
MIKE: Shouldn't he be at SOLDIER?
CROW: Anywhere other than here.

> Sally commented on getting him some colored contacts for cosmetic
> purposes>

MIKE: Or maybe just a paper bag.

> . . . O.K. I've got them. . . Hardware Compression and camouflage,
> eh? Let's give that a try. . . "
> Davey's left arm began to collapse on itself,

CROW: Hey, he's imploding like in that Ren & Stimpy episode!
MIKE: Cool!
TOM: Neato.

> starting from the shoulder
> and down to the wrist, synthetic fur appeared in much the same manner.

TOM: Much the same manner as what?!

> It
> appeared more like a fox left arm after it was done with itself.

CROW: Ewww!
MIKE: Crow, have I ever called you sick?
CROW: Yes.
MIKE: Disgusting?
CROW: Yes.
MIKE: Horrible?
CROW: Yeppers.
MIKE: Obsessed?
CROW: Mm-hmm.
MIKE: Insane?
CROW: That too.
MIKE: What a time to run out of ammo.

> "Ah do
> declare," Bunnie said as she saw this, "Ah should talk to Rotor about an

MIKE: [ Bunnie ] Emergency accent removal surgery.

> upgrade."
> "I can transfer the parameter settings to his Roboticizer, if you want.

MIKE: He's just making up plot contrivances as he goes.
CROW: Well, sure, that's how any self-respecting-and-the-only-one-who-does
fanfic author writes a story!

> They're supposed to convert anything roboticized into this model."
> "It looks and feels much like a robot duplicate model I encountered
> about 6 months ago when training new recruits. It's almost like you've got
> your old arm back. Ohh, I forgot.

CROW: [ Sally ] I left the script in Robotropolis.
TOM: [ Davey ] Oh, forget the script! I'll just use my authorial powers to
make sure we win! Oh, and it's "Robotoplis".
CROW: D'OH!

> I ran out of disks a while back. I
> should've got some while I was in Robotroplis. Oh, well. Another item in
> the Minoc Grove shopping list." Sally meets Davey's eyes.

MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, why, hello, Davey's eyes! It's a pleasure to meet you!
BOTS: [ Davey's eyes ] Hiya.

> "Are you going
> to be all right, Dave?"
> "Why, sure, Sally. Just let me get some coffee and I'll be up and
> running in no time."

TOM: So "coffee" is his boot-up password?
CROW: I'd like to boot him up.

> "It's not that at all! I mean . . . are you going to be . . . all
> right? You've been through a lot before coming here, more than any of us
> want to know. It'll probably take your whole life to heal . . ."
> Davey shushed his Princess

MIKE: [ Davey ] She's *my* Princess! *Mine*! Hands off!
CROW: Ewww!
MIKE: Crow...

> with a finger to her lips. "I'll be alright,
> Sally. <Winks>

CROW: Now, what's that HTML code do?

> Trust me."

CROW: Bite me.

>

MIKE: [ Mike is just sitting in his seat, calmly, but suddenly... ] WAAAAAAAA-
AUUUUGGGHHH!!!! [ Tom and Crow leap into the air. ]
TOM: What is it?!
CROW: What's wrong!?
MIKE: Two random thoughts just connected in my mind.
TOM: So?
MIKE: Who did you say Pearl said she met?
CROW: Oh, some red fox character.
MIKE: And what did Davey get turned into here by the Power Ring?
TOM: A... WAAAUGH!!
CROW: YAAAACK!!
MIKE: We gotta go check on this!
TOM: Oh please let it be a coincidence, oh please oh please oh please oh
pleeeeeeease!!

[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]

[ INT SOL ]

MIKE: [ Mike pushes the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm). ] Let's get to the bottom
of this mystery.

[ Mobius. Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are sitting on a log. In front of them,
talking, is none other than our good friend, Davey Crockett! ]

[ SOL. Cambot zooms in on everyone's faces. Dramatic music plays. ]

ALL: AAUGH!!

[ Mobius. Observer notices M&TB. ]

OBSERVER: Oh, hello, amoebas. We were just speaking with David.
DAVEY: That's "Davey".
OBSERVER: Whatever.

[ SOL ]

MIKE: I don't believe this.
TOM: You said it wasn't real!
MIKE: Well, EXCUSE ME FOR BEING INCORRECT!!

[ Mobius ]

PEARL: Say, Davey, you seem like the powerful power-hungry type; ya wanna join
me 'n' the guys? We're planning on universal domination!
DAVEY: Well, okay! You can be my unwitting sidekick!
PEARL: ME the sidekick?! If anyone should be the sidekick, it's you!! Who's
been torturing Nelson and his robot friends?
DAVEY: And failing at her intent of breaking them down! You're just a mess-up!
PEARL: Ha! You're not even evil!
DAVEY: Yeah, I can learn, and in any case I'm better than you! You couldn't
even conquer that log you're sitting on!
PEARL: Why you little...
DAVEY: Why you big...
BOBO: They make a good match, don't they, Observer?
OBSERVER: Oh, quite.
PEARL, DAVEY: SHUT UP!!!
BOBO, OBSERVER: [ 'eep' quietly and shrink away ]

[ SOL ]

MIKE: This is not good.
TOM: You can say that again.
MIKE: This is not good.
TOM: I didn't mean it.
CROW: Y'know, they *do* make a cute couple...
MIKE, TOM: SHUT UP!!
CROW: [ 'eeps' quietly and shrinks away ]
[ The Commercial Sign flashes. ]
MIKE: Sorry, Crow. We'll be right back.
CROW: Hmph.

[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of part 2 of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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