[ INT SOL. Everyone's lined up across the counter, eating ice cream. There are
two weird looking gadgets on the counter, one in front of Tom and Gypsy. ]
GYPSY: Mmm. Thanks, Mike.
CROW: Yeah, this was a great idea.
TOM: Nothing like a little ice cream every so often.
MIKE: Sure thing.
TOM: And this ice-cream-spoon-server-thingy-invention is great! [ He pokes
the gadget with his beak. It creaks and deposits some ice cream in said
beak. ]
MIKE: Yeah, I modified some plans the other guy left lying around.
CROW: So, Mike, what do you think'll happen with the fanfic?
MIKE: Well, I expect he'll fall in love with one of the locals.
TOM: Then, he'll get turned into some sort of furry creature.
MIKE: Right. Next, he'll destroy a bunch of robots--
BOTS: ACK!
MIKE: Sorry. And he'll gain even more power than before and live happily ever
after with his girlfriend.
GYPSY: Makes fanfic sense, I guess.
MIKE: At least until the sequel.
BOTS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
MIKE: Oops.
[ The Movie Sign alarms go off. ]
MIKE: Ah, great, we've got Davey Sign!!
TOM: My Mint Chocolate Chip!
[ 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... ]
[ Everyone enters the theater. ]
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 3
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Oh mah stars, is this guy the biggest hunk yawl ever seen?"
ALL: No.
> Bunnie
> Rabbot cried as she snuggled up to Davey's right leg. She only went up to
> his thigh, but then she expanded her robot legs and got into his chest.
> "And looky here, this one's got some fur! Oh, Sally Girl, grab a limb,
> there's enough man here for all of Knothole!"
ALL: Ewwwww!
> "He ess big, all right," Antoine DeCollette answered, then noticed the
> left arm.
TOM: [ Antoine ] It's all green and moldy! Yuk!
> "Ess
CROW: Aitch Eye--
MIKE: Don't finish.
> eet moi, or did Robotnik found ze Fountain of Youth?"
> "He's definitely not Ro-Butt-Nik, Twain.
MIKE: Anyone attempting to find a plot will have a lot of work ahead of him or
her.
> You should've seen how he
> trashes Swats! And I do mean Trash!!!! We are talking MA-17 mode here!
> Oil and wires and chips flying all around him! Robot corpses lying at his
> wake! See that tube in his mouth? He ripped it out of a Crabmeat with his
> own teeth!"
TOM: Wah! Wah!
CROW: I wanna go home!
MIKE: Look, Crow, Tom, you two head out and finish your ice cream with Gypsy,
OK? Take a longer break. I'll hold up the fort here.
TOM: [ sniffle ] Thanks.
[ Crow carefully carries Tom out of the theater. ]
> "He did not, Sonic!"
> "Hey Sal, I'm on a roll here! Where did King Acorn found him?
MIKE: I don't know where King Acorn find him.
> Psychos'R'Us?"
MIKE: We create total loonies and pass the savings on to YOU!
> "Sonic . . .
MIKE: [ Sally ] Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
> <sighs, turns to assembled Freedom Fighters> . . . I
> would like to introduce Davey Crockett. He's a messenger sent by my father.
> I think that message is in your
MIKE: [ Sally ] Pants. [ pause ] Oh, great. Crow's rubbing off on me.
> robot arm."
> "Okay." Davey said, held his arm up,
MIKE: And put his other hand on that arm.
> and pressed a button. The
> holographic projector sprang up.
> King Acorn appeared in mid-air:
MIKE: Ladies and gentlemen, lick me.
> "Hello Sally, it's good to get to speak to you again. A lot has
> happened since I was able to temporary return to you.
MIKE: [ King Acorn ] I think I left behind my ability to use grammar.
> I have made several
> discoveries to aid us in our battle against Robotnik.
MIKE: [ King Acorn ] A delicious figgy pudding.
> The ability to send
> Davey here is one. It is one step closer to me being able to return to
> Mobius for good. I have copied all of my findings in a CD-ROM, which you
> will find in Davey's robot shoulder. <On cue,
MIKE: Davey started singing the theme song to "DuckTales".
> a CD-ROM slid out of that
> spot, ripping through the shirt.
MIKE: Riiiiiiiiippp!!
> Rotor took the disk.
MIKE: [ Rotor ] Gimme it! I wannit!
> > It also contains
> several design files and computer programs from Davey's world. I assure
> you, they will be quite useful.
MIKE: [ King Acorn ] You can sort your comic book collection with this one
program over here.
> My daughter, there is not a day that passes
> by without me thinking of you. As much as I wish to return home, I had to
> settle to sending Davey in my place, and he I give to you.
MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, thanks a *lot*, Dad.
> Good bye, Sally.
> I love you always."
>
> The hologram ends, the lights turn back on, and Sally was found crying
> on Davey's shoulder.
MIKE: [ monotone ] Oh the emotion of it all I am swept by the amazing and yet
delicate prose thank you Davey for this fanfic.
> After a moment, when she dried her eyes, she looked at
> him and thanked him for what he did.
MIKE: [ Sally ] Thank you for making me cry.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "So Sal, what are you going to do with the psycho, er.
MIKE: What the heck is a "psycho er"?
> I mean Davey,"
> Sonic asked while munching on a chili dog.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Mrrmphrrfwmmgrmfnd. [ Sally ] What?
> "I dunno, Sonic. I thought about returning him to his home, but not
> only don't I know how,
MIKE: Woohoo!
> but I'm afraid that the crystallization that almost
> killed Daddy might strike him as well."
> "In other worlds, he's stuck here."
MIKE: Woohoo times two!
> "I'm afraid so. Rotor, what would you find about that left arm of
> his?"
MIKE: [ Rotor ] Well, stuff, probably.
> "Nothing but incredible, Sally! Davey's robot arm is, in essence, a
> souped-up Nicole, but he has on-line satellite access and a data wire that
> gives him direct access into any computer on Mobius. If you believe in
> 'Knowledge is Power' . . . "
MIKE: Then the author must be really wimpy?
> "Then Davey Crockett could be the most powerful Freedom Fighter on
> Mobius! Man, we've got to keep him! Besides, he followed us here."
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Can we keep him? [ pause ] It doesn't really work when that's
what the author intended.
> "Yeah, right, but I wonder how he'll fit in here. He does look like a
> young Robotnik."
> "Sal, Sal, Sal.
MIKE: [ Sonic ] How can you be so stupid? So idiotic? So-- [ Sally ] Hey!
> Ro-Butt-Nik would not play Terminator with the Swats.
> Imagine what he'll do against Tubby himself when he gets back. His check is
MIKE: Bounced?
> definitely good here. By the way, where is he?"
MIKE: [ Sally ] Um, he had to, you know, go.
> "When I saw him leave the hut, I think he was heading for the ring
> lake. I'll go see if I can find a place for him to crash in." Rotor
> leaves.
MIKE: Was Rotor in the room? I didn't notice.
> "So, Sonic. Do you think Robotnik'll return?"
> "Haven't a clue,
MIKE: Hey, what's new?
> but I do doubt that he's gone for good."
MIKE: [ Sonic ] Bad guys always come back. It's in the Villain Rulebook.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[ Crow and Tom come back into the theater. Crow has an ice cream cone. ]
CROW: We're back and feeling great!
TOM: That extra time off really helped. I don't care if Davey kills a million
robots now!
MIKE: That's the spirit! It's just a fanfic. We know none of this actually
happened.
CROW: Right.
MIKE: Did anything happen while I was in here?
TOM: Pearl was ranting about some red fox character she met.
MIKE: Hm.
CROW: Here. I brought you some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
MIKE: Thanks. [ He takes the cone from Crow. ]
>
> Three full moons reflect their light into the lake. A flat stone skips
> the length, breaking the mirror-like reflection with its ever-increasing
> circles. A second was thrown, then a third. Several more flew away from
> the human arm of a Dimensionally Displaced
MIKE: Mattress named Zem.
> , and very homesick,
CROW: "Sick". Let's just stick with that word.
> Davey
> Crockett. When he ran out of stones to throw, he looked up at the multitude
> of stars above him.
TOM: Wait, those are the rocks that he threw.
MIKE, CROW: [ cartoon falling whistle ]
> One of these specks may be my home planet, Davey said to himself, not
> realizing that he was being watched by someone in the woods. I wonder
> what's going on out there right now. Do they know that I'm gone? Do they
> care?
TOM: Wha?
CROW: Gah?
MIKE: I think he's thinking to himself. There's no italics here; it's just
text.
> And what of the fox that scraped me off
CROW: The middle of the highway.
> that dark alley, replaced my
> lost arm with this cyborg one, and sent me here? I pray that he comes here
> soon. I pray for his safety in general. Planet Earth ain't the paridice
TOM: Or three dice, for that matter.
> God created.
MIKE: What if you pick the wrong religion? Every day you're just making God
madder and madder.
> I'd rather call it a hell-hole. He flops on a nearby log
MIKE: OK, I don't think he's thinking anymore.
> and
> raises his voice a little.
TOM: You mean his thinking voice, or his brain voice, or something.
CROW: You're making an unfair assumption.
TOM: What's that?
CROW: The assumption that Davey has a brain.
> Well, your majesty. I sent your letter to your
> daughter.
MIKE: Um, now, he's... thinking again.
> What the hell am I supposed to do now? He taps some keys on his
MIKE: Electric keyboard! Righteous tune, dude!
TOM: Rockin'!
CROW: BWAAAAARRR!!!
> left arm, and some new age music from an earthling artist named Enya
MIKE: [ Bowyer ] Play music I will! Listen to it you must, Enya!
> played
> from it.
> He hears someone coming near from the darkness of the forest. He
> looked towards the noise, and sees a small fox with two tails.
TOM: Could that be "Tails", perhaps?
MIKE: You never know. Everyone and their cousin has a Mobian personification,
and a surprising amount is related to one of the main characters.
CROW: Yeah. This could be maybe Matthew Prower.
> "Hi there,
> kit," Davey told him, holding out his hand as he would to a puppy in his
> world. "You friendly? I won't bite."
CROW: Oh, he bites, all right.
> The fox approached, hesitantly at
> first, sniffing him out. That robot left arm and the red color of his eyes
> does give Davey "the Robotnik look,"
MIKE: Hey, I thought only women had The Look.
> but his friendly smile and King Acorn's
> ring on the right ring finger dispels the fox's fears. He must've been in
> the Roboticizer and Sonic rescued him just a wee bit late, the fox reasoned
> to himself.
CROW: Yeah, rationalize, that's the ticket!
> Maybe I should make him feel at home. He does look lonely. By
> this time, the fox is close enough to be petted by the human's right hand,
> causing his twin brushes to wag.
> "I bet everybody calls you 'Tails,' don't they?"
TOM: [ Tails ] Nah, they call me Elliot.
> "Yessir."
> "Hey, call me Davey, please. Save the formalities for royalty like King
> Acorn, the Princess, or that french dude that's here."
MIKE: Pierre Escargot!
CROW: Plais retenir vos depuis mon radiateur: please keep your hands from my
radiator! Ha ha, ha, ha ha ha!
TOM: You know French?
CROW: I bought a book on learning French around 2215.
> "You must mean Antoine. He can be funny sometimes."
> "I reckon you'd be too when eating hedgehog backwash."
> Tails giggles hard enough to fall back on his tails.
> The duo was joined by a pink girl hedgehog. Tails introduces her as
TOM: Oh, great, three different tenses in a row. "Giggles", "was joined",
"introduces".
> Amy Rose. "You must be Davey Crockett the guy King Acorn sent here to
> deliver a message to Princess Sally and looks like Ro-Butt-Nik's found the
> fountain of youth and return to give us all h-e-double-hockey-sticks."
> "I sense a trend here."
TOM: The suckiness trend?
CROW: And in other news, the level of crap on Mobius has dangerously risen
ever since a human calling himself "Davey Crockett" arrived.
> "Uh maybe I shouldn't tell you about the rumor that you're a psycho because
> you like to shoot holes into Swatbots and watch them bleed 10W40 all over?"
BOTS: [ nothing ]
MIKE: Guys? You okay?
CROW: Yeah, Mike.
TOM: Fine.
> Davey jokingly mocked menace: "Looks like a certain blue hedgehog's gonna
> lose some of his rings a punch at a time."
> "I'd pay good money to see you try it."
CROW: I'd pay better money to see him lose.
> "Yeah Davey, Sonic's not the leader of the Freedom Fighters for nothing."
> "Yeah, I know--wait a minute. What's that in the water?" Tails ran
> toward a dock into the lake. A golden glow is forming in the water.
> "Alright! Another power ring is coming. Come over here and see this,
> Davey. It's gonna be cool!"
TOM: [ Davey ] Will it increase my chances of taking over the world?
MIKE: [ Tails ] Uh, maybe.
TOM: [ Davey ] In that case, let's go!
> Davey stood at the edge of the dock and looked straight down into the
> glow.
CROW: [ Davey ] Ow! I'm blind!
> A bright white circle formed within the glow and approached. The
> world turned to black on gold as the power ring broke the water.
TOM: Snap!
MIKE: That was pointless.
> "Way past
> cool, ain't it?" Tails asked. Davey could only stand in awe
ALL: Awwwwwww...
> as the power
> ring hovered in front of him. Slowly, he reached out to touch it. Again,
> the glow went nova.
CROW: Wow.
> Tails had to cover his eyes to avoid being blinded. He
> cried out to Sonic, but he couldn't hear his own voice.
MIKE: What?
> When the glow
> finally subsided,
CROW: So, once again, when something glows, that means you can't hear
anything?
> he saw that everyone in Knothole has heard him, but they
> were all staring at the dock that Davey was at.
TOM: Oh, now this is the epitome of crappy grammar! He changed tense TWICE in
ONE SENTENCE!!
MIKE: Tom, calm dowm. It's not that bad.
> Tails turned around toward
> the human.
> He saw a red fox holding the power ring and wearing the human's cap, he
> recognized it as Davey's because of the racoon tail attached on the back.
> "Way past cool!
MIKE: OK, recognizable catchphrase; that's Sonic talking.
> The power ring's changed him into a fox!"
> "Oh mah stars,
MIKE: Southern accent; Bunnie speaking.
> he just keeps gettin cuter every time I see him."
ALL: Ri-i-ight.
> "This is great,
MIKE: Hmm. I don't know, maybe Tails.
> now he can pass
CROW: Gas.
> as one of us."
> "Maybe I can geet
MIKE: Crummy French accent, that's Antoine.
> a power ring and be as tall as him, yes?"
TOM: No.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Fellow Freedom Fighters," Sally said in the evening campfire. "Today
> another Freedom Fighter has joined our ranks. A hero sent by my father to
> help us bring victory in our fight for freedom.
CROW: [ Sally ] Join me in giving the finger to my father.
> Hopefully, we will treat
> him a lot better than how he was treated in his home world. Everyone, I
> give you, Davey Crockett."
> "Davey stood up and tipped his hat to a round of applause.
CROW: Who's talking?
TOM: Hm, applause, that must mean he's giving a farewell speech.
> "H-Hi. I
MIKE: [ Dave ] Am spontaneously channeling the spirit of Porky Pig.
> would like to thank everyone, especially the Royal Family of Acorn, for
> having me. Er, Sally, you want this ring on my finger?"
> "Keep it."
MIKE: [ Sally ] It's got poison needles in, er, I mean, I'm allergic to gold.
> "It's from your father."
> "Keep it."
CROW: Oh, great, Sally's needle's stuck.
TOM: <whack whack> Maybe that'll fix it.
> "It could be all you'd see from King Acorn for a while."
> "Keep it.
TOM: Guess not.
> I want you to give it to him when he returns."
> "Okay, then. <Davey turns around> Hey, Hey, Hey, what are you people,
> the Freedom Fighters or a picture I drew?
MIKE: No!! Please not a picture he drew!
> Let's hear a 'To A Free Mobius'
> out there!!!!"
CROW: Wow. Four exclamation points.
TOM: The best I've ever managed was three.
> Cue a round of hooping and hollering from everyone as they welcomed him
> in.
MIKE: --to the snake pit.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
TOM: [ suave ] I do look dashing, don't I?
>
> Later into the night, Sally walked by the campfire to find Davey
> singing some song that she haven't heard to the tune of something she
> recognized.
BOTS: The hell?
> Apparently the notes being played matched too much with a song
> from his planet:
>
> On a dark desert highway
> Cool wind in my hair
MIKE: Where'd I put my comb?
> Warm smell of colitas
> Rising up through the air
TOM: Oops. 'scuse me.
> Up ahead in the distance
> I saw a shimmering light
CROW: OK, who lit a match?
MIKE: <fwooom>
> My head grew
CROW: Rather swelled.
> heavy, and my sight grew dim
TOM: It's these blasted Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses.
> I had to stop for the night
MIKE: Because I had to... well, ya know... go.
> There she stood in the doorway
> I heard the mission bell
CROW: Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to KILL DAVEY!!
MIKE, TOM: We accept!
> And I was thinking to myself
> This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
ALL: It's Hell.
> Then she lit up a candle
MIKE: <fwooom>
> And she showed me the way
TOM: Right over there. Ignore the giant fire-breathing dragon, he's, uh,
domesticated.
> There were voices down the corridor
> I thought I heard them say
MIKE: [ voice ] David... I am your--
CROW: We already did one of those.
MIKE: Oh yeah.
>
> Welcome to the Hotel California
MIKE: Da da da da da da da da.
> Such a lovely place
> Such a lovely place
CROW: Echo!
MIKE: Echo!
> Such a lovely face
TOM: And whose face would *that* be?
> Plenty of room at the Hotel California
MIKE: Da da da da da da da da.
> Any time of year
> Any time of year
CROW: Echo!
MIKE: Echo!
> You can find it here
> You can find it here
CROW: Science!
MIKE: Rules!
CROW: Huh?
>
> She smiled one more time for the night
CROW: So David Gonterman equals Ryan Huber plus Stephen Ratliff?
TOM: I guess.
> and retired to her hut.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Page 4
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
MIKE: We smile no more.
>
> The unearthly sound of Davey Crockett throwing up
ALL: Ewww!
> greeted knothole
> village the morning after the night he arrived. It came from Sonia
> Hedgehog's hut, who drew the short straw to find out with who he'll sleep
> with
ALL: Eewwwww!!
> until he got his own hut. Sasha Prower, a healer-slash-mage and Tail's
> cousin, and Rosie, the grandmothery nanny of Knothole, were headed there.
> "It sounded like Davey, Rosie," Sasha said. "Either Sonia's playing too
> rough with the guy . . ."
ALL: Eeewwwwwww!!!
> "Or th' last twenty-four hours hav' caught up t' th' poor lad. Ye
> remember, Sasha. Davey's been fed into th' Roboticizer, chucked through th'
> Void, and had his species changed.
CROW: At least it wasn't a sex change. That'd be *really* painful.
> An' all in th' same day . . ."
> " . . .why, no, Davey. I don't exactly envy you right about now," Sonia
> said to the human-turned-fox
CROW: Yeah, like we need a reminder.
> who was vomiting for the fifth time into the
> john.
ALL: Eeeewwwyuck!!!
[ Everyone ducks down and hides under the chairs. ]
> "Maybe giving you that chili dog late night snack wasn't a good idea.
> Hope you're no mad. . ."
> "Wuz that ya said? Ah's buzy . . ."
> "Buzy puking your guts out, I see. I wouldn't be surprised if your
> biochip fell outta your mouth."
> "Ha-Ha-Ha! Now that's an image burned int' memory fo' th' rest o' th'
> day. Ha-Ha--HARRUGGH!"
> He hacked three more times into the toilet, but nothing came up. "I'm
> afraid you are on empty, Big Guy." "Aw, crud. It's harder t' tell the ol'
> gag reflex to quit it when there's nothing left to puke."
CROW: Go see if it's done yet.
[ Mike gets up from under the chair. ]
> "Ach," said an incoming Rosie
MIKE: Incoming!!
[ He ducks back down. ]
> , "Look at ye, Crockett. Ye look like
> roadkill."
> "So that's what ah fell like?"
> "C'mon," interjected Sasha, "Let's get you back to bed."
> Davey managed to flush the toilet and lower the seat ("That was awfully
> nice o' him.") before he collapsed on his bed, actually, it was a cot that
> didn't compensate for the extra foot of legs that Davey left sagged on the
> floor.
[ Mike peeks up above the chair. ]
MIKE: The coast is clear, fellas.
> Sasha set her hands on the tall fox and both started to glow. "It's not
> really bad,
TOM: When did this moron attend college? When you're puking, it's not exactly
a good thing.
> it's probably a rough day catching up with him. I especially
> sense the stress between his roboticized shoulder and . . . his . . ."
CROW: [ Sasha ] Elf.
> She gasped.
TOM: [ Sasha ] I left the oven on!
> Her eyes dilated. Her fur turned white. "What's wrong
> Sasha? You look as if you seen a . . ."
> Sasha managed to lift the lid of the porcelain altar before adding her
> offering to Davey's.
MIKE: Speeeeew!
CROW: Literally.
> "His . . . His arm . . . Oh, God."
CROW: [ God ] Yes?
> "What is it, Lass?
TOM: Oh, there's a typo.
MIKE: You mean the capitalized L?
TOM: No, I mean the extra L.
> What's wrong?"
> "I-I just saw his left arm. It was
BOTS: Green and moldy?
> chopped off--NO!
MIKE: [ Sasha ] It WASN'T!
> It was SHOT off!
> It's lying in a pool of Davey's own blood. Hand . . . twitching . . .
MIKE: Spew and a half!
> crying out for mercy . . . But, was only greeted . . . with blood . . . and
> metal."
CROW: And we have title, ladies and gentlemen!
> "Oh my. Y'mean his arm wasn't roboticized!?!?"
> "No, Sonia. It was removed."
ALL: *Dah* dah DAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
TOM: Hey, he should be thankful he still has working arms! My arms don't even
work at all!!
CROW: And you've got nothin' to complain about either, Tom. Coconut Monkey
doesn't even *have* arms!
MIKE: [ CM ] Hello, I am Coconut Monkey. Welcome to my island paradise. I
would point out the many interesting sights to you, but sadly, I have no
hands.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Removed, you say,"
TOM: By Jove!
> Sally asked as she arrived into the hut. "That was
> one of the original uses of the Roboticizer, until Robotnik got his hands on
> it, of course. Will the poor dear be all right?"
MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, and Davey, too.
> Sasha was still gasping for breath. "That depends on what you mean my
> 'all right!'"
> Sally couldn't find anything about Davey from Nicole,
CROW: Other than the obvious, "he's a moron", "a crappy fanfic author", that
sort of thing.
> so she wanted to
> link up to his computer for an update.
TOM: [ Sally ] Oh, that Dilbert. Hee hee hee.
> She also wanted to catch him up to
> speed on Mobian current events, especially the parts about Robotnik leaving
> the planet for the time being,
CROW: Wha-huh?
MIKE: He's going to go pick up some McNuggets.
> and Sally having speed granted to her by the
> Deep
MIKE: Thirteen!
> Power Stones.
TOM: Su-u-ure.
> She also found out why Davey's arm was shot off, as
> another hologram from King Acorn appeared:
ALL: Poof.
> "I hope you're not viewing this file in front of all of Knothole,
> Sally. This concerns something that Davey here would like to forget: The
> political strife where he lost his arm.
MIKE: Lousy Democrats.
CROW: You got Democrat in my Republicans!
TOM: You got Republican in my Democrats!
> It would appear that there were a faction of Davey's ancestors that
> behaved much like Dr. Robotnik, for they
CROW: [ King Acorn ] Drank WD-40 and pigged out on donuts all day.
> captured a certain sub-race of
> their own species as slaves. Some of the descendants of these slaves,
MIKE: Wanted nachos.
> although granted their
MIKE: Stupid nachos.
> freedom almost a century ago, thought themselves fit
> to demand
MIKE: Even *more* nachos! Can you believe it?
> reparation for their captors' sins on their children. One of
> those such people shot Davey's arm off."
TOM: Fweeeeeee-ratatatatatata-kaBOOOOM!!!
> ("I swear, I would never consider to do such a thing . . . unless
> o'couse to a robot."
BOTS: Booooooo!
> "Was that before you became one, Sonia?"
> "I'll pretend I didn't heard that, Sasha.")
CROW: [ Sonia ] Just jump up my butt, Sasha.
> "I suspect that you would feel, as I did, very sorrowful over the
> whole ordeal, especially for how it left Davey.
CROW: Right.
> It is a situation where
> acts of injustice and intolerance is only met by another, and ages-old
> hostilities are prepeturated
ALL: "Prepeturated"?!
> over the generations.
MIKE: "Star Trek: Generations"?
TOM: Eh, too obvious.
> Davey Crockett would
> rather be dead than live in that world, and for a while, he was, until I
> brought him back to life with Sir Charles'
ALL: [ snicker ]
> toy. I will not blame him at all
> if he doesn't want to return to his home planet. . . "
MIKE: So, should we be categorizing this under "fanfic" or "rantfic"?
BOTS: "Rantfic".
>
> "The feeling is mutual, Daddy. Why would they make you answer for your
> ancestor's sins, Davey?
TOM: [ Davey ] Why not?
> I's just not fair."
CROW: [ snicker ] [ hillbilly ] Ja, I's just not no fair at all.
> "Yeah, if I want equality between different species, I wouldn't go and
> shoot off someone's limbs--"
MIKE: [ whoever the heck is talking ] I'd slice them off with a chainsaw!
> "DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!"
MIKE: Geez, sorr-ee!
> "Sorry, Sasha." "My, Sasha, that psionic backlash must've spooked you,
> didn't you?"
TOM: Now spooked, the herd stampedes.
> "Like you wouldn't know,"
CROW: Oh, so we do know, do we?
> she sobbed as she hung her head over her
> patient. "You wouldn't know
CROW: Wait, you just said we do, didn't you?
TOM: My head hurts.
> how much pain that tragedy causes him." Tears
> ran down her eyes.
ALL: [ tears ] Weeeee!
> "You wouldn't know how much it will return to haunt him.
> . . "
> "Aw, Davey," Sonia cried as she huddled by her new-found friend. "Why
> did they, whoever they are, do this to you? Are you doomed to become
> someone like Robotnik?" She felt a cold nose press up against her hot
> cheek.
MIKE: [ Sonia ] Eek!
> She opened her eyes to find Davey slurping her tears off with his
> tongue."
MIKE: [ Sonia ] <slap> Fresh!
TOM: I'm gonna add *my* offering to Sasha's and David's.
CROW: Who's talking now?
> "Will you look at that? Davey, you're too much."
> "He's supposed t' be th' one who's cryin', and here he is, drying our
> eyes. I tell you, Sally, this guy's a prince."
TOM: Does he dress in purple?
MIKE: Did he change his name to a symbol?
CROW: Yeah, *$&@#$!, the crap formerly known as Davey.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Sasha gave Davey something that resembled Alka-Seltzer
MIKE: Speedy! Noo!
> for his stomach
TOM: As opposed to what, for his pancreas?
CROW: For his bladder?
MIKE: For his brain?
ALL: Nah.
> and let him rest for a couple hours. After the nap, he found Sally still
> has
TOM: OK, that's the second sentence I've noticed so far containing more than
one tense.
CROW: You're going to start counting?
> Nicole connected to his arm by a wire housed under his wrist. Davey
> calls it his "Data Spear," because it reminds him of
MIKE: A data spear. Duh.
> Scorpion's projectile
> in 'Mortal Kombat.'
>
> CYBORG PRIME DIRECTIVES:
> 1) DELIVER MESSAGE TO PRINCESS SALLY
CROW: Check.
> 2) ASSIST FREEDOM FIGHTERS
TOM: BY COMMITTING SUICIDE
> 3) DESTROY ROBOTNIK BY WHATEVER MEANS DEEMED
MIKE: [ scribble ]
> NECESSARY
> 4) LIVE
ALL: Ha ha ha. It is to laugh.
>
> "I like that fourth one, Nicole.
TOM: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, fun.
> Continue."
> BIOCHIP GENERATES A HEADS-UP DISPLAY DIRECTLY GRAFTED IN HIS EYES, WHICH
> GIVES THEM THEIR RED COLOR AND OCCASIONAL GLOW. . . EXCUSE ME, SALLY, BUT I
> BELIEVE THAT MR. CROCKETT IS "BACK ON-LINE," SHOULD I SAY.
CROW: No, you should NOT!!
>
> "'Back on-line?' But what. . . <Sally looks up and finds Davey awake>
> Oh! Hi, there. Don't mind me. . . "
> "Surfing my forearm, Princess?"
> Sally giggles,
MIKE: [ Sally ] Tee hee hee... oh, you make me feel just like a schoolgirl!
> half out of embarrassment
CROW: Was she blushing?
TOM: Hard to tell.
> and half out of Davey's
> cyberpunk-talk. She'd never expect someone who wasn't 100% roboticized to
> talk that way, but she figured that they always talked like that on his
> planet.
TOM: Only the dweebs.
> "I'm just trying to figure out what your arm can do, other than act
> like a built-in Nicole, that is."
> "Humm. I wonder if your father bothered to give me some docs for this
> thing."
TOM: Doc Robinson?
CROW: Doc Johnson?
> EXCUSE ME, MR. CROCKETT, BUT I'VE
MIKE: [ Nicole ] JUST LET ONE.
> DETECTED A COMPLETE SET OF USER HELP
> FILES ARCHIVED IN YOUR HARD DRIVE. DECOMPRESSING THEM SHOULD TRANSFER THEM
> DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN.
CROW: [ Nicole ] THEY'RE A TOTAL OF 47 GIGABYTES, BUT SPACE SHOULDN'T BE A
PROBLEM.
> "Thanks, Nicole. If you'd excuse me. . . <Davey's eyes glowed for a
> moment.
TOM: Oh, he's been infused with Mako energy.
MIKE: Shouldn't he be at SOLDIER?
CROW: Anywhere other than here.
> Sally commented on getting him some colored contacts for cosmetic
> purposes>
MIKE: Or maybe just a paper bag.
> . . . O.K. I've got them. . . Hardware Compression and camouflage,
> eh? Let's give that a try. . . "
> Davey's left arm began to collapse on itself,
CROW: Hey, he's imploding like in that Ren & Stimpy episode!
MIKE: Cool!
TOM: Neato.
> starting from the shoulder
> and down to the wrist, synthetic fur appeared in much the same manner.
TOM: Much the same manner as what?!
> It
> appeared more like a fox left arm after it was done with itself.
CROW: Ewww!
MIKE: Crow, have I ever called you sick?
CROW: Yes.
MIKE: Disgusting?
CROW: Yes.
MIKE: Horrible?
CROW: Yeppers.
MIKE: Obsessed?
CROW: Mm-hmm.
MIKE: Insane?
CROW: That too.
MIKE: What a time to run out of ammo.
> "Ah do
> declare," Bunnie said as she saw this, "Ah should talk to Rotor about an
MIKE: [ Bunnie ] Emergency accent removal surgery.
> upgrade."
> "I can transfer the parameter settings to his Roboticizer, if you want.
MIKE: He's just making up plot contrivances as he goes.
CROW: Well, sure, that's how any self-respecting-and-the-only-one-who-does
fanfic author writes a story!
> They're supposed to convert anything roboticized into this model."
> "It looks and feels much like a robot duplicate model I encountered
> about 6 months ago when training new recruits. It's almost like you've got
> your old arm back. Ohh, I forgot.
CROW: [ Sally ] I left the script in Robotropolis.
TOM: [ Davey ] Oh, forget the script! I'll just use my authorial powers to
make sure we win! Oh, and it's "Robotoplis".
CROW: D'OH!
> I ran out of disks a while back. I
> should've got some while I was in Robotroplis. Oh, well. Another item in
> the Minoc Grove shopping list." Sally meets Davey's eyes.
MIKE: [ Sally ] Oh, why, hello, Davey's eyes! It's a pleasure to meet you!
BOTS: [ Davey's eyes ] Hiya.
> "Are you going
> to be all right, Dave?"
> "Why, sure, Sally. Just let me get some coffee and I'll be up and
> running in no time."
TOM: So "coffee" is his boot-up password?
CROW: I'd like to boot him up.
> "It's not that at all! I mean . . . are you going to be . . . all
> right? You've been through a lot before coming here, more than any of us
> want to know. It'll probably take your whole life to heal . . ."
> Davey shushed his Princess
MIKE: [ Davey ] She's *my* Princess! *Mine*! Hands off!
CROW: Ewww!
MIKE: Crow...
> with a finger to her lips. "I'll be alright,
> Sally. <Winks>
CROW: Now, what's that HTML code do?
> Trust me."
CROW: Bite me.
>
MIKE: [ Mike is just sitting in his seat, calmly, but suddenly... ] WAAAAAAAA-
AUUUUGGGHHH!!!! [ Tom and Crow leap into the air. ]
TOM: What is it?!
CROW: What's wrong!?
MIKE: Two random thoughts just connected in my mind.
TOM: So?
MIKE: Who did you say Pearl said she met?
CROW: Oh, some red fox character.
MIKE: And what did Davey get turned into here by the Power Ring?
TOM: A... WAAAUGH!!
CROW: YAAAACK!!
MIKE: We gotta go check on this!
TOM: Oh please let it be a coincidence, oh please oh please oh please oh
pleeeeeeease!!
[ Everyone leaves the theater. ]
[ 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... ]
[ INT SOL ]
MIKE: [ Mike pushes the Mads Sign Signal-Thingy(tm). ] Let's get to the bottom
of this mystery.
[ Mobius. Pearl, Observer, and Bobo are sitting on a log. In front of them,
talking, is none other than our good friend, Davey Crockett! ]
[ SOL. Cambot zooms in on everyone's faces. Dramatic music plays. ]
ALL: AAUGH!!
[ Mobius. Observer notices M&TB. ]
OBSERVER: Oh, hello, amoebas. We were just speaking with David.
DAVEY: That's "Davey".
OBSERVER: Whatever.
[ SOL ]
MIKE: I don't believe this.
TOM: You said it wasn't real!
MIKE: Well, EXCUSE ME FOR BEING INCORRECT!!
[ Mobius ]
PEARL: Say, Davey, you seem like the powerful power-hungry type; ya wanna join
me 'n' the guys? We're planning on universal domination!
DAVEY: Well, okay! You can be my unwitting sidekick!
PEARL: ME the sidekick?! If anyone should be the sidekick, it's you!! Who's
been torturing Nelson and his robot friends?
DAVEY: And failing at her intent of breaking them down! You're just a mess-up!
PEARL: Ha! You're not even evil!
DAVEY: Yeah, I can learn, and in any case I'm better than you! You couldn't
even conquer that log you're sitting on!
PEARL: Why you little...
DAVEY: Why you big...
BOBO: They make a good match, don't they, Observer?
OBSERVER: Oh, quite.
PEARL, DAVEY: SHUT UP!!!
BOBO, OBSERVER: [ 'eep' quietly and shrink away ]
[ SOL ]
MIKE: This is not good.
TOM: You can say that again.
MIKE: This is not good.
TOM: I didn't mean it.
CROW: Y'know, they *do* make a cute couple...
MIKE, TOM: SHUT UP!!
CROW: [ 'eeps' quietly and shrinks away ]
[ The Commercial Sign flashes. ]
MIKE: Sorry, Crow. We'll be right back.
CROW: Hmph.
[ MST3K planet bumper. Commercials ensue. ]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of part 2 of 9
Shay Caron (Shay_...@letterbox.com
-or-
glee...@aol.com)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading