MISTing: Garfield Royal Rescue (pt. 1)

[Owenfan]

In the present time period.
A day or two ago.
A scheming mad scientist.
Had an evil plan ready to go.
But he needed a patsy to make it complete.
Someone kinda dim, but also sweet.
So he picked the dim Spud as his test case.
And he knocked him the head and shot him into space.
(SPUD: Dude!)
RODNEY: I'll send him terrible net posts.
The worst, I can find (la la la).
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And I'll monitor his mind (la la la).
Now keep in mind Spud cannot choose.
When the posts begin or end (la la la).
Luckily for him he's got the help.
Of some of his Disney friends.
Disney Roll call:
Whiskers ("food?")
Riley ("Why me?")
Princess Candy ("Whatever")
XR ("money")
If you're wondering how they eat & breathe.
Or other science facts.
Just keep in mind they are cartoons.
So you should just relax.
For Mystery Disney Theater 3000.

[Interior of Satellite, SPUD is standing on the bridge, looking out at the "audience"].
SPUD: S'up dudes & dudettes, Arthur Spudinski here, but you can call me Spud. Okay, let me catch you up to speed. See, this gnarly mad scientist dude wants to conquer the world by driving everyone crazy by having them read the worst story on the Internet. Redundant, I know. So, he sent me and a bunch of my Disney TV pals up on this satellite of his and is forcing us to read them to see which one scrambles our brains. So to totally keep from getting brain pizza, we basically make funny comments while we read. I know, it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but it can be kind of funny, so stick around. Anyway, since we're gonna be up here a while, we're working out a bathroom schedule. We've got two girls onboard, and we want to be sensitive to their needs.

[He moves over from the bridge to the left where the others are waiting].
SPUD: Sorry about that, now, let's get this up and running. Okay Riley, what works for you?
RILEY: I'm good with anything, as long as I don't have to go in after Whiskers. I don't know what he does in there, but it always smells horrible.
WHISKERS: Hey, I sweat a lot!
RILEY: Why do you even need a bathroom anyway? Isn't your waste the size of raisins?
WHISKERS: I'd rather not say.
SPUD: [on clipboard] Okay, so make sure Riley goes before Whiskers, can do. How about you Candy, anything special you want?
CANDY: Yes, I want my own bathroom. But, since I obviously can't have that, I'm fine with any time, so long as I can shower with the knowledge I won't be on camera!
XR: Oh "one" time that happened, and I never uploaded any of the footage I got.
SPUD: [writing on clipboard] Okay, I'll look into that. Oh and XR? A camera in the shower? Not cool dude; this is the #MeToo era bro.
XR: Hey, I need hits for my website.
CANDY: I'll show you hits! [attempts to grab him, as WHISKERS & RILEY grab her to hold her back]
SPUD: We'll be right back dudes, though I'm not sure from what exactly [hits button.]

["Commercials"]

[Back on the bridge, everyone is calmed down]
SPUD: Well, I think we did a good job today. Now we can all use our single bathroom in peace.
XR: Yeah um question. If this satellite is so big, why does it have only one bathroom?
RILEY: Yeah, it's big enough for two. We shouldn't have to share it with you boys and your disgusting...boy stuff.
CANDY: Or worry that perverted little robots are filming you.
XR: I told you, that only happened once (under breath) that you know of.
SPUD: That's actually a good question. And, it looks like our supreme overlord dude is calling [hits flashing button].

[Rodney's lab]
RODNEY: Ahh, afternoon my little guinea pigs. Enjoying your little trip in space I take it?

[Satellite]
SPUD: Not particularly dude. We were actually just wondering how come there's only one bathroom up here?
CANDY: Yeah, what gives?

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: There's actually a very good answer to your question- it's because I'm evil, hello.

[Satellite]
SPUD: That explains it.
WHISKERS: Makes sense to me.
RILEY: Yeah totally.
XR: Of course, evil.

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: Speaking of bathrooms, your story for today is a massive steaming load. It takes America's favorite fat cat, the British royal family, and a pinch of James Bond, mixes them in a blender, and produces a true "classic" for the ages and I use that word as loosely as possible.

[Satellite]
XR: A Heathcliff fanfic? People still write those?

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: No, not Heathcliff you reject Space Ranger, it's Garfield.

[Satellite]
RILEY: He's America's favorite fat cat? His comics have actually been pretty stale lately.
WHISKERS: Oh yeah, strictly formula.
SPUD: Gotta agree.

[Rodney's Lab]
RODNEY: Well, regardless of his popularity, I don't think you'll look at him the same way after this. From Shakespeare Hemingway, a more ironic name I can't think of, here is "Garfield, Royal Rescue." Enjoy.

[Back on the Satellite, alarms begin ringing]
ALL: Ahhh! We've got Fanfic sign!