MiSTed: The Tale of Grumpy Weasel, Chapter 8 [ 1 / 1 ]

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Joseph Nebus

Jan 12, 2023, 5:05:49 PMJan 12

JOEL: It's King Henry Days at the Satellite of Love!


TOM: [ To the Pink Panther theme ] The dare, the DARE, the dare the dare the DARE the dare the DAAAAAAARE!

> If Grumpy Weasel had been a faster runner

JOEL: [ As the 'If Woody had gone right to the police' guy ] ... this would never have happened.

> the forest
> people wouldn't have been so surprised when he dared Jimmy
> Rabbit to race him.

CROW: Also if he had ever chosen to interact with a person.

> Everybody knew that Jimmy was
> swift-footed

JOEL: He had feet like a bird.

> ---especially since he once beat old Mr. Turtle
> (but that is another story).

TOM: Oh did he, now? Because I saw a cartoon where it came out different.

> When Mr. Crow, who was a great bearer of news,

CROW: And Mr Bear, who was a great crower of news.
JOEL: Wait, that makes sense.

> told
> Jimmy Rabbit one day that Grumpy Weasel wanted a race with
> him,

TOM: [ As Jimmy ] 'What do I care if Grumpy wants a race with you?'

> Jimmy Rabbit seemed more than willing to oblige. "Where,
> when, and how far does Grumpy want to run against me?" he
> asked.

JOEL: Seems like you could talk Jimmy into it.

> Mr. Crow said that he didn't know,

CROW: He just got back from Buffalo.

> but that he would
> make it his business to find out.

TOM: Some bots don't know how to mind their own business!
CROW: Hey!

> So off he hurried to find
> Grumpy Weasel,

JOEL: Just look for the big cloud of disagreeing.

> for if there was anything Mr. Crow liked it
> was busying himself with other people's affairs.

CROW: *Also* shiny trinkets!

> He did not have what you could call a pleasant talk
> with Grumpy Weasel.

JOEL: I always thought any talk that doesn't end with a weasel biting your face off is a pleasant one.

> Once when Mr. Crow alighted too near the
> ground Grumpy jumped at him.

TOM: That *is* a good story!

> And several times he called Mr.
> Crow a nest-robber and an egg-thief, though goodness knows

CROW: He styled himself more a nest-thief and an egg-robber.

> Grumpy Weasel himself was as bad as the worst when it came to
> robbing birds' nests.

JOEL: But the worst is going to be Fatty Raccoon?

> Although he felt as if he were about to burst with
> rage old Mr. Crow pretended to laugh.

CROW: [ Clearing his throat, and speaking the words, awkwardly, as though giving a bad presentation ] 'H- hah ha hhaah?'

> He had been having a
> rather dull time, waiting for Farmer Green to plant his corn,

TOM: o/` And I don't care! o/``

> and he thought that a lively race might put him in better
> spirits.

JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel is in good spirits does that mean he's *more* grumpy or does that mean he's ...
CROW: Yeah, this is confusing.

> "Where do you want to race against Jimmy Rabbit?" Mr.
> Crow asked.

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Around the world twice! Zip! Zip! Hah, I'm done!'

> "We'll start from this wall," said Grumpy sulkily,

CROW: You ... sound like you're not into this anymore, Grumps.

> "because it's always better to start from where you are than
> where you aren't."

JOEL: [ As Mr Meadow Mouse] 'No running through holes, right?'

> Mr. Crow said that that seemed reasonable.

TOM: 'Makes sense', said Glinn Gusat.

> "When do you want to race?" he added.

JOEL: [ As a Knight who says Ni ] 'When you bring me a shrubbery!'

> "The sooner we start the quicker we'll finish,"
> Grumpy Weasel snapped.

CROW: And vice-versa.

> "Quite true, quite true!" Mr. Crow agreed.

TOM: [ As Mr Crow, doing Columbo ] 'I figured it was something like that, sure ... now just one more question.'

> "And now
> may I inquire how long a race you want to run?"

JOEL: [ As Grumpy ] No, you must ask how wide a race I want.

> "No longer than I have to!" Grumpy growled.

TOM: Is Grumpy posing a riddle?
CROW: Uh, is the answer 'a hole'? I feel like it's got to be 'a hole'?

> "Not more
> than a day or two, I hope!"

JOEL: You know how hard it would be to get a hotel this close to the event!

> Mr. Crow snickered slightly.

CROW: [ Snickering, slightly. ]

> "I see you don't
> understand my question," he observed.

TOM: [ As Mr Crow ] 'Let me put it in other words. Gazortnol flebnostrilate chunk bloppily snork nobble?'

> "Are you going to run a
> mile, or only a few rods?"

CROW: A few rods? Look, I know this is 1915 but you're being old-fashioned for *that*!

> "How do I know?" Grumpy cried,

TOM: Fine, twelve hogsheads, three virgates, and a ha'penny!

> as if he had no
> patience with his questioner.

JOEL: You know if you don't want to do this you don't have to do this. *you* started everyone on doing this!

> "How could anybody tell? I'll
> let Jimmy Rabbit start twenty jumps ahead of me and we'll run
> till I catch him."

CROW: Wait a minute, is this a race or is he just going to eat Jimmy Rabbit?

> Well, Mr. Crow laughed right out loud when he heard
> that.

JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I enjoy watching Jimmy Rabbit die!'

> And he was about to tell Grumpy that he would have to
> run till the end of his days if he raced Jimmy Rabbit in any
> such fashion as that.

CROW: But why start trouble like that?

> But he saw all at once that such a race
> would be a great joke.

TOM: Well, it's one of those conceptual jokes, where the comedian's amused but we're confused.

> And he said to himself with a chuckle
> that the laugh would be on Grumpy Weasel.

CROW: Sounds like you're the one doing all the laughing here.

> For Jimmy Rabbit
> was so swift a runner that nobody who knew anything at all
> would ever consent to give him a start---

JOEL: What if we gave him a sudden surprise instead?

> much less propose
> such a thing.
> "Very well!" said Mr. Crow with a smirk, "I'll report
> to Jimmy Rabbit.

TOM: We'll agenda it on the next Pleasant Valley scrum!

> I'll tell him where, when and how you want
> to race, and there's no doubt that your plan will please
> him."

JOEL: His plan is to stand still while Jimmy runs away from him and is never seen again.

> "I hope it won't!" Grumpy Weasel snarled. "I've never
> pleased anybody yet; and I don't mean to."

CROW: Grumpy Weasel suddenly becomes the voice of our generation.

> And that goes to show what an ill-natured scamp he
> was.

TOM: He reaches out *one* time to do *one* fun thing with *one* person and suddenly it's a whole megillah. I feel for the guy.

- end of chapter 8! -

Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com
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