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MISTING: 2 Sides of a Cynic (2/5)

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Owenfan

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Jul 31, 2021, 10:28:34 AM7/31/21
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>Daria, Jane and all related characters are trademarks of MTV

XR: Ahh classic MTV. Remember that? Before it had shows like *Awkward.*
RILEY: Or *Teen Wolf*
WHISKERS: Or *The Hard Times of RJ Berger*
SPUD: Or... well, to be fair, I pretty much don't watch MTV anymore.
XR: You and most of America.

>enterprises 2000
>used with permission (I can only hope)

SPUD: [as author] So please MTV, don't send your lawyers to sue me for using these characters.
XR: They might, depending on how bad the story is.

>Mumm-ra, Mongor, Ma-mutt, and all related characters are trademarks of
>Rankin/Bass entertainment 1985

RILEY: Wait, *ThunderCats* was made by the same people who made all those stop motion Christmas specials?
XR: I wonder why Mumm-ra never attacked Santa Claus. Now that would be an awesome Christmas special.

>and are used with permission (I can only hope)

CANDY: Yeah, cause that was *sooooo* funny the first time.

>Okay a little back story:

ALL: [groan]
XR: Great, now we gotta hear this geek explain the reason this thing exists.
RILEY: [as author] I dreamed it up after a Mountain Dew bender.

>A couple of years ago I created The Real Adventures
>of Daria Morgendorffer a series of personal stories (all of which were
>eventually destroyed)

All: [cheer]
XR: That means that ol' Rodney can't find them and make us read 'em.
SPUD: I dunno dudes, I might like to see what they were like, if only ironically.

>that pitted Daria against Johnny Quest-like villains

CANDY: Like Dr. Sin or Ezekiel Page.
RILEY: *Daria* & *Johnny Quest*? How does that even work?
XR: [as DeMartino] Let me THROW a BARREL at it, especially if that IT, is KEVIN!

>(i.e. Jeremiah Trent) My prized story was called Liberty Play

WHISKERS: Don't they use that in football?

>and pitted Daria

XR: I didn't know Daria was a fruit.

>(and special guests the Simpsons),

XR: Ah now Simpsons and Daria I could see.
RILEY: [as Daria] Hey, people are yellow all over.
SPUD: That was uncannily accurate dudette.

>against the evil Ezekiel DeMartino.

XR: [as DeMartino] So it IS written in the BOOK of DeMartino!

>Anyway
>long story short,

All: Too late.

>I dumped the Quest format

SPUD: Into the river.

> and made Daria and Jane into

XR: Please say lovers, please say lovers...

>heroes with James-Bond like gadgets

XR: Ah nuts!
SPUD: Daria and James Bond? This guy has some whacked-out ideas.
RILEY: [as Daria] The name's Morgendorffer, Daria Morgendorffer.

>and fight the fiendish Mumm-ra(from
>Thundercats) and his plans to rule the world.

WHISKERS: So they went from spies to battling a mummy?
XR: I don't know who this author is, but I think they might work as a Hollywood screenwriter.

>(Of course they also battled
>other villains he was just their arch-enemy.)

XR: Sure, like how Zurg was Buzz's arch-enemy, but he also fought Torque, Warp, Gravitina, those Gargantua guys...

>In this story Mumm-ra uses his
>powers to create a villain that Daria has clashed with several times: the
>Nega-Daria, her evil twin.

XR: Daria? Evil twin? Isn't that redundant?
SPUD: Actually dude, Daria's not evil, just anti-social, and the show often points out that such a way of life is unhealthy.
XR: I'd call you a *fanboy,* but that term is no longer considered an insult.

>So if you like action, weird gadgets, and
>incredible battles....go read someone else's story.

RILEY: Okay, that is pretty funny.

>But mine's pretty good
too.

XR: [as the author, whiny] Mine's good too, so why don't you read it? Wah!

>Feel free to borrow any elements of this story(including Nega-Daria) for your
>own equally creative stories.

XR: I think you and I have different ideas on what the word "creative" means.

>Enjoy.

SPUD: Hey Dr. Erhardt stopped by.
XR: Uh, ix-nay on the other arody-pay or we'll get ued-say.

>The 2 Sides of a Cynic

XR: Story by Sigmund Freud.

>by Chri...@netzero.net

>It was a dark night

WHISKERS: They forgot to add "stormy."
XR: Oh Batman's in this story too.
SPUD: [imitating Michael Keaton] I'm Batman.

>in Cario, Egypt and Mumm-ra, the Everliving wouldn't ask
for anything better.

SPUD: [singing] Who could ask for anything more?

>Ever since a dimensional portal freed him from Third
>Earth he had sought numerous times to rule our planet.

RILEY: But he failed.

>The one flaw in his
plan

XR: Was being in a lame fanfic.

>was a pair of troublesome teenagers Daria Morgendorffer and her friend
>Jane Lane who had thwarted his earlier schemes.

XR: Oh yeah, I can see *those* two actually getting off their butts and stopping some evil.
CANDY: [as Jane] Hey Daria, want to go out and stop an immortal mummy from ruling the world.
RILEY: [as Daria] No thanks, I'd rather make sarcastic comments at others.
CANDY: [as Jane] Okay.

>But tonight was different for

WHISKERS: Tonight was Prince Spaghetti Night.
XR: What did I say about the obscure riffs? And besides, it was Prince Spaghetti *Day*
WHISKERS: Oh, picky picky.

>tonight he had a diabolical plan. "Yes yes" he said evily "at last a spell
>that will enable me to destroy that miserable Daria Morgendorffer >hahahahaha.

SPUD: [as Mumm-ra] As opposed to all the other times I failed to do so, but this one will work for sure, honest.

>And all I need"

XR: [singing] You, you're all that I need.

>he said "is a strand of her hair" With that he turned to the
left.

All: [singing] And then a step to the right!

>There was a group of rock warriors known as shapti*, Mumm-ra created
them to do his evil bidding.

WHISKERS: Shapti? I don't remember those from the show.
XR: According to Google, Shapti were little clay figures that were buried with Egyptian pharaohs to be servants to them in the afterlife. However, if I had to hazard a guess, I would say these are the same ones as on that show *Mummies Alive.*
SPUD: What makes you think that?
XR: This author seems creatively bankrupt enough to rip off that too.

>"Go my shapti bring me a hair from my intended

WHISKERS: So Daria is his enemy, but also his soon-to-be bride?
SPUD: [as Mumm-ra] I hate her because I secretly love her.

>victims." Mumm-ra said. The shapti obeyed and teleported out, "soon Ma-mutt
>that foolish girl will feel my wrath hahahahaha"

All: [flatly] Ha ha, ho ho, hee.

>Meanwhile back in Lawndale Daria and her friend Jane were watching television
>"Call me crazy

XR: Okay, you're crazy.

>but I think these Sick Sad world topics get worse every day"
>said Jane "Okay your crazy" Daria replied.

XR: So now they're ripping us off too? Someone's hearing from my attorney.

>Suddenly the phone rang . "Who
>could that be?" Daria asked "A crazed telemarketer?" asked Jane "Possibly
>that or some nut" said Daria

XR: Like the author.

>and picked up the phone" hello?"

SPUD: [as telemarketer] Hello, are you satisfied with your long-distance service?

>"Daria it's me

WHISKERS: Mr. T?
RILEY: Joan Rivers?
CANDY: Johnny Carson?
XR: Chief?
SPUD: McCloud!

>Jodie"

XR: Foster?
SPUD: Maybe Daria will shoot someone to impress her.

>she said "there's some shapti detected in town" "Shapti huh any idea
>what they want?"

CANDY: [as Jodie] Probably to get out of this story.
RILEY: [as Daria] I envy them.

>"Not a clue" their confidant and gadgetmaker replied.

XR: So Jodie is an African-American Q?
SPUD: Didn't one of the modern Bonds' already have one of those?

>"Okay
>were on it bye" and she hung up the phone "Jane we've got problems,

RILEY: [as Daria] We're in a bad story where we have to fight a villain from ThunderCats for some reason.

>more
>shapti" "Again?

XR: [as Bullwinkle] Hey Daria, watch me pull some shapti out of my hat.
RILEY: [as Rocky] Again?

>This makes what now three attacks this week?" Jane asked. "Hey
>as defenders of truth and justice we must defend everyone even if they are
>self-absorbed jerks" Daria said.

RILEY: [as Daria} Including ourselves.
XR: Somehow, I can't see Daria & Jane as superheroes.
CANDY: Yeah, they're not really the "save everyone" type.

>"Okay" Jane said "but let's hurry back or
>we'll miss our show" The 2 girls then rushed out the door and ran through >the
streets.

SPUD: Of San Francsico
XR: Of Gold
WHISKERS: Of Fire
RILEY: Of Rage.

>"How will we find them?" Jane asked "perhaps that large group of
>spear carrying rock creatures could help us" Daria said sarcastically. "Real
funny"

RILEY: She must be reading a different version of the story than we are.

>Jane said then turned to the shapti "hey rock piles behind you"

XR: Oh man, everyone falls for this stupid trick.

>The
>shapti turned around just as Jane whipped out her paintbrush. "let's paint >the
>town red rocky"

SPUD: [as Rocky] Uh yo, Adrian!

>she said and fired. Her paintbrush missile made direct contact
>with the shapti blowing him to pieces. Daria on the other hand encountered >2

XR: Live Crew and was offended by Luther Campbell.

>of the evil warriors. "Okay guys let's not do anything you might regret..or
>something I would anyway"

RILEY: [as Daria] Besides appearing in this story, I mean.

>In a manner of minutes Daria's lazer pen was
>activated and she zapped them. "Those shapti always fall to pieces over their
>job" she remarked. Jane used her spinning palette disk to behead one, then
>used the head to bowl over two others. "All right a strike" she said "Jane >one

XR: The audience, zero.
WHISKERS: The author does know Daria & Jane don't make James Bond style puns, right?
SPUD: I'm not so sure of that.

>shaptis zero." "Good work partner" Daria said "looks like you finished the
>last ones." "Yeah well after all the times we've battled them you get a knack
>for it eventually" she said. "still I wonder what they wanted here?" "What do
>you think

SPUD: Well the grammar and punctuation are awful, and the plot is rather farfetched.

> probably trying to destroy us again" Daria said. "Oh yeah good
>point" Jane said then looked at her watch. "whoa look at the time we've got to
>get back before the show ends."

SPUD: That sounds like as good a time as any for a break, let's split.

[Exit]

[Back on the bridge of the satellite, Riley is dressed as Daria, complete with glasses, while Candy is dressed as Jane].
RILEY: [as Daria] Hey Jane, what are we doing today?
CANDY: [as Jane] Want to travel around the world, foiling bad guys and having adventures in an interactive virtual reality?
RILEY: [as Daria] Nah, life sucks. I'd rather just point out the foibles of society in my own sarcastic way.
CANDY: [as Jane] Okay, but what if we fought an evil mummy trying to take over the world with spy-like gadgets and Jodie as our mentor/gadget builder?
RILEY: [as Daria] I don't know, could an evil mummy ruling the world really be worse than the people who run it now?
CANDY: [as Jane] Good point. I guess I'll go paint or something.
RILEY: [as Daria] Good idea, I'll lie here and think about the shallowness of modern society.

[Spud now appears on the bridge, dressed as Trent]

SPUD: [as Trent] Whoa Janey, my band has a gig coming up, you girls wanna come.
RILEY: [as Daria] I guess [doing interior monologue] for some reason, I am attracted to him, even though he is unreliable and lazy, and has no sense of commitment.
SPUD: [as Trent, doing interior monologue] Whoa, I am not attracted to Daria in any way, since she is a high schooler and not my type.
CANDY: Okay guys, I think this sketch is going off the rails. We were just supposed to be mocking the crazy premise of the story, and now you're going to have angry shippers on our butts.
SPUD: Relax dudette, you're assuming someone is actually reading this.
RILEY: And even if they are, what are they gonna do? We're on a satellite in space, so unless they're NASA or Elon Musk, there's no way they can get us.
CANDY: [uncertain] I guess...
SPUD: For those of you that *are* reading, we'll be right back.







Owenfan

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Jul 31, 2021, 11:13:31 AM7/31/21
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Hey, I could really use some feedback. Anyone? Bueller?
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