Animaniacs-MSTed: Important Software Announcement
Petrea Mitchell
files from his account. Hopefully the server will let me set replies to
his address...
--
/ <|> <|> <pr...@mvp.com> <pr...@gm.dev.com>
Petrea Mitchell ** GO NINERS ** <pem...@is.nyu.edu>
I don't know what to call it, but the first section of it just opened on Bay-
MOO. If you like puzzles, telnet to "baymoo.sfsu.edu 8888" and look for the
Foyer of No Return (just past the Outback, off the Other Worlds Commons.)
*** Push the button... someone. :~( *** eWorks!
****************************************************************************
[The Tower. It appears deserted. The silence is broken by the sound of
the phone ringing. After a few rings, Wakko appears. He looks at the
phone in befuddlement for a moment, then picks up the handset.]
Wakko: Hello? [extended silence] Yes. [extended silence. As the silence
runs longer and longer, Wakko looks progressively more ill. Fade to com-
mercial]
[commercial]
[The Tower. Wakko is looking quite nauseated. Occasionally, he stops
looking ill long enough to make a googie. Yakko and Dot enter, following
Rita.]
Rita: He's been like this ever since the phone rang. Da heck's going on
here? He looks like he's been watching _A Goofy Movie_.
Yakko: I dunno. Dot, get me the other line. [Dot smiles and moves off-
screen. Yakko looks off-screen.] The other TELEPHONE line!
Dot: [o-s] Darn. [Reappears with a second handset. Yakko takes it, lis-
tens intently; a look of horror crosses his face, and he drops the
receiver.]
Yakko: I might have guessed -- it's a telemarketer!
Dot: Oh, no! The people who make philosophy professors sound interes-
ting! What do we do?
Rita: Watch me work, kids. [reaches o-s, returns with a small chalk-
board.] This'll put a permanent crease in his shorts.
[Rita pries the receiver from Wakko's hand, puts it on the table, puts
the chalkboard next to the mouthpiece, extends her claws, and rapidly
rakes them down the chalkboard. A strangled shriek is heard from the re-
ceiver, followed by the sound of the connection being broken.]
Rita: That worked.
[cut to the Warners. Their hair is standing on end. Wakko has snapped
out of it.]
Yakko: IIIIIII -- think you're right.
[The viewscreen flashes into life. Pinky and the Brain step into view.]
Wakko: I think the World's Only Living Dustbunnies want something....
Dot: What now?
Brain: That close encounter of the stupid kind has given me a brilliant
idea on how to get you to serve me in my effort to take over the
world! Since there is nothing in the world quite so annoying --
[looks at Pinky] *nearly* -- as unsolicited junk mail, I have de-
cided to send you some. The natural mind-mangling properties of
this particular piece will leave you groveling in terror! And
then -- Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but how do you get the BATF to raid a Menudo
concert? [Brain backhands Pinky off the console.]
Brian: Why do I bother? Suck on this a while, children!
[Lights begin flashing. The Warners look suitably unimpressed.]
Yakko: Showtime, sibs. [They head for the TV area.]
Rita: Hey -- uh -- ya mind if I tag along?
Yakko: [shrugs] It's your funeral.
Dot: With Derrin Nisbett?
Wakko: No, different show.
[They saunter off]
WB...6...5...4...3...2...o...
> From p...@unicomp.net Fri Apr 14 09:30:19 1995
> Date: Fri, 14 Apr 95 09:40:02 CDT
Dot: So much for *GOOD* Friday....
> From: p...@unicomp.net (PPG)
Wakko: I prefer NASCAR myself....
> Message-Id: <950414144...@unicomp.net>
Yakko: Message Ego -- massive!
> To: cfrench1
Yakko & Wakko: AAH! Never mention the dead! They'll return!
> Subject: Important Software Announcement
Rita: If you're sending it to THAT ONE, it can't be THAT important!
>
> Dear CHRISTOPHER:
Yakko & Wakko: ACK! Don't do that!
>
> Parallel Performance Group (PPG) would like to announce a Series of
> FREE
> monthly E-Mail Newsletters on high-tech software topics.
Rita: We'd LIKE to, but we are psychologically incapable of doing so.
>
> Below is a partial list of the topics discussed in the Series of
> Newsletters:
Yakko: Only part? Hey, as long as you're shooting him junk mail, send
him all of it!
Dot: Why?
Rita: So he only needs to hit [DELETE] once!
>
> Volume Visualization
Yakko: Picture if you will, the emptiness of the head of the person who
sent this unsolicited... to an MST3K & Animaniacs fan, no less!
> Real-Time Multiprocessing/Uniprocessing DSP
Wakko: [sings] It's just like real-time, true time, livin' in a dream/
But it's all really boring, 'least now that's the way it seems!
> Multiprocessing
Dot: Multi-chundering!
> Neural Networks/Fuzzy Logic/Fuzzy Control
Dot: [as Elmyra] The cute little fuzz-heads!
Yakko: Don't EVER do that again!
> Parallel Processing
Rita: These clowns can't even parallel park!
> Animation/Solid Modelling
Yakko: IIIIII -- think this one gets left alone, sibs.
> Distributed Processing
Rita: Causes reader to distribute bodily-processed food all over the
floor.
> Mechanical Design Automation
Wakko: Machines built machines! But who built the first machine?
> Object-Oriented CASE Tools
Dot: Aren't most tool cases object-oriented -- the objects being TOOLS?!
> CAD for Industrial and Architectural Design
Yakko: You're an architect? You CAD!
> Project Management
Rita: ...is common in Japan, but not here!
> Discrete and Continuous Simulation
Dot: Not to mention Terminal Nuisance!
> Image Processing
Yakko: What Sinead O'Connor needs after some of the stunts she's pulled.
> Medical Imaging
Rita: What certain flamewar-oriented R.A.T.M.ers will need if they don't
KNOCK IT OFF!
> Graphical Application Interfaces
Yakko: Hey, they are children present! How did the Fox censors let that
one through?
Rita: [sotto voce] For that matter, how do most of our jokes get
through....
>
> To receive more information,
Wakko: Like where to send the net.anvils....
> please send any e-mail to in...@ppgsoft.com; this will return a
Dot: Volume of useless E-Mail that will rapidly overwhelm your mailbox.
> more detailed listing of the Newsletters, and instructions on how
> to receive them.
Dot: Didn't believe me, did you?
> You will not be put on any mailing list unless you specifically
> ask to be.
Rita: Hip-deep in advertisements from half a hundred different firms
desperate for a fingerhold in your bank account.
>
> Sincerely, Stuart Bar-On,
Wakko: The Unreality Detector just spiked mightily.
> President, PPG,
Yakko: There's an auto paint company that might want a word with y'all.
> Sedona, Arizona.
Rita: Kitty Litter Capital of the West.
...o...2...3...4...5...6...WB
[They saunter out, looking none the worse for the experience.]
Rita: Is it always that easy?
Yakko: No -- it's just that the sort of dimbulb who sends unsolicited
junk mail tends to write stuff that can be dissected easily.
Rita: And sending it to, of all people, cfrench1 --
[There is a crack of thunder; the tower shakes violently. When they look
up, a shadowy figure -- whose only discernible parts are a battered
black fedora and black trenchcoat -- stands in their midst. The Warner
Brothers panic. Dot and Rita sidle off and begin whispering intently to
each other.]
Yakko: He came! He came! I told you not to mention his name! Now look!
Wakko: What're we gonna do?!
[Dot & Rita finish communing and walk over to the Brothers Warner.]
Rita: Ya wanna stand aside -- let the pros handle this?
[Dot & Rita then proceed to slink over to the spectre, who reacts to
their presence with a confused flutter of movement. Rita springs onto
the form's shoulder, while Dot cozies up to his other side. The spec-
tre's head begins rapidly looking from one to the other and back.]
Dot: [as seductively as possible] Hello, nurse....
[Dot & Rita simultaneously plant large smooches on each of the form's
"cheeks".]
Ghost: AWK! [vanishes abruptly.]
Yakko: [subsiding from panic] How'd you know to do that?
Dot & Rita: Just a little thing we do....
Wakko: I always wondered what they meant by 'laying a ghost'.
Yakko: [big Dating Game kiss] Goodnight, everybody!
MSTed by Chris French <cfre...@s-cwis.unomaha.edu>
Edited by Petrea Mitchell
Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copy-
right Best Brains, Inc. Animaniacs, its characters and situations are
copyright Amblin. No copyrights were intentionally infringed in the mak-
ing of this MSTing.
Special message from the author: Watching PPG IndyCar is like watching
paint dry....
If you'd like to MSTify some deserving piece, please join the MSTing
dibs list by mailing <mne...@engin.umich.edu> with a subject of
"DIBS-SUB".
> Sincerely, Stuart Bar-On,