The Andromeda Chronicles: Parts 1&2

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Nov 4, 2007, 9:37:36 PM11/4/07
Testing... Is this thing on?

No, I haven't quit MSTing... Or died Kinda hard to explain why I
haven't put out a MSTing in 2 and a half years. I got this fic from
the author herself, Runa27, a fellow member of the Godawful
Fanfiction (GAFF) forums. Had it halfway done, then I lost the
first half of it. Called Runa and asked if she could pwetty pweese
resend. She did, but the first half of that story was actually an
improved second half (the first was full of comedy of the Fail
variety). Got discouraged because the riffs didn't feel as good or
easy to come by as the first try. So I took a step back.

And back.

And a step back became shelving. Then I went back and finished up
the riffs. And stepped back again because I got stuck for host

And then finally, I said screw it and banged out what you're about
to read here.

And now that that's done, see you in 2010! :)

Seriously, I do plan on being much more active in MSTings -
although probably not back up to my peak levels of 2001-2003. (Oh,
Web Site# 9 - where have you gone?). Feel free to rec what you
might think is good Bot Fodder. Bear in mind that I may not be
familiar with the fandoms you submit, though. That's not
necessarily a bar towards MSTing, but familiarity helps. I'm
looking to do some Danny Phantom or Avatar stuff,but would also be
interested in Kim Possible, Harry Potter, or Heroes.

And now that that's over with, on with the disclaimers!

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters are the
property of Best Brains, Inc. "The Andromeda Chronicles" is
property of "Andromeda" (although I'm pretty sure she doesn't
really want it anymore).

And as always, comments/C&C/flames/death threats can be directed

WARNING: This MSTing contains riffs referring to, inspired by,
and/or ripped off from: Bewitched, Silence Of The Lambs, The Match
Game, The Matrix, the band Rush, Under The Cherry Moon, General
Foods International Coffees, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends,
Final Fantasy 6 and "The Sawyer Song".

{We open a shot of the bridge of the Satellite of Love. It's
dark, dusty, and covered in cobwebs. Joel Robinson wanders in
from the left.}

JOEL: [to himself] Oh, man! What's going on here. It looks like
nobody's been in here in a year and a half! [Sees Cambot is
active] Oh, hey everybody! And welcome to the Satellite of Love.
Um... Excuse the mess. I don't know how things got so dirty
around here. Cambot, you know what happened?

{The screen shakes back and forth as Cambot signals "No"]

JOEL: [Calling out] Gypsy? Tom? Crow? Anybody?

[On cue, Gypsy, Crow T. Robot, and Tom Servo emerge]

CROW: Whoa, anybody got any mouthwash? I got like a months worth
of morning breath over here!

TOM : No kidding? I... [Notices the dust and cobwebs] Are we
getting ready for Halloween, Joel?

JOEL: I was just about to ask you guys that same question?


TOM : [exasperated] Do you even know what you're blaming me for?

CROW: Umm... Er...

MAGIC VOICE: [sounding scratchy] Commercial sign in fifteen

CROW: You alright, Magic Voice? You sound like you've been
smoking Lucky Strikes all day.

M.V.: I don't know... My voice is so weak... It's like I haven't
spoken in months!

{Commercial Sign flashes}

CROW: I think a pattern emerges...

JOEL: We'll get to the bottom of this... Right after this.

M.V.: Commercial sign now.

JOEL: Lozenge?

M.V.: Thanks!

{Joel hits the Commercial Sign button}


{We return to find Joel in the foreground of the bridge with a
broom. The bridge is back to its normal state}

JOEL: How the heck did we get cobwebs up here, anyway? We don't
have any spiders!

{Gypsy rushes in a panic}

GYPSY: JOEL! JOEL! I just checked the ships main' computer! The
chronometers say we haven't been active in more than thirty

{Tom and Crow rush in at the same time}

TOM : JOEL! JOEL! Crow and I were checking our emails, and we've
got months and months of mail backlogged! What the hell, man?

JOEL: Weren't you two supposed to be hosing down the load pan bay?

CROW: We tried. Everything all dried up and fused together! This
is starting to get seriously creepy!

{The "Mads Light" starts flashing}

TOM : You ever get the feeling they time that thing?

[We cut down to Deep 13 and a close up on the faces of Dr.
ClaytonF orrester and TV's Frank. They're looking even more smug
than usual.]

DR.F: Hello, my little Rip Van Weenies! I imagine that you're
feeling a bit confused right about now, and usually I'd take
the time to bask in that for a while. But I'll go ahead and
answer the big question because it's past time for gloating, and


DR.F: Yes... Anyway... The reason you seem to have pulled an
"Alias" and missed out on a large chunk of what you call your
lives is due to what might be our greatest invention EVER!


FRANK: Nice dramatic thunder!

DR.F: It helps to plan ahead. And we've had plenty of time to
plan, thanks to... Thanks to... Frank, that's your cue...

{Frank appears to be passed out in a chair}

DR.F: Oh, for... [Dr. Forrester takes a deep breath, walks over
to Frank and shuts off the valve to a tank he was sitting next
to.] Thanks to this! Sleepingbutane! One whiff, you're out for
hours! A continuous dose and you're in La-La land for as long as
the gas holds out!

FRANK: [coming to] But apply the right counter-agent and you snap
right out of it! Just like me... And you!


JOEL: Gee sirs... That sounds pretty evil and stuff...

TOM : [incredulous] *PRETTY* evil?

JOEL: But that sounds a lot more useful and beneficial than evil.

CROW: Especially from something you guys cooked up.


DR.F: You'd think so, wouldn't you? But NOOOOOOO! The medical
community has all these "rules" and "ethics" and "concerns" about
long-term exposure and severe brain damage in lab rats and every
organization willing to overlook all that wanted to pay me in
produce or Atari Jaguars...


JOEL: Okay, now that's more like it.

CROW: You're pretty calm for someone whose brain is probably

TOM : Wait, hold it! I can buy you putting the meatbag over here
into a coma for however long...


TOM : But the rest of us don't even breathe! How did you put the
rest of us out?

CROW: Yeah! And for that matter, how did you even that
Sleeping-whatever up here?


DR.F: How'd we knock you out you ask? Two words...

FRANK: "Sleep Mode!"

DR.F: As for how we got the gas up there... Well, that would take
a scientist to explain, so let's just say "elves" and be done with
it. And since you've been out for a while, and whatever you were
planning for an Invention Exchange has probably dried up and blown
away by now, I'm giving you a break and sending you the fic right
now... Tell 'em what they've won, Frank!

FRANK: You've won a one-way trip to Tokyo, Japan, to meet yet
*ANOTHER* original Sailor Senshi!

DR.F: It's Sailor Moon, with 90% less Sailor Moon. Have a big,
heaping mouthful of "The Andromeda Chronicles." Try not to


{The "Movie Sign" alarm starts up}

CROW: But we haven't even had breakfast yet!

JOEL: Breakfast later, Movie Sign NOW!

{All scurry off}

[ 1 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 6 ]...[ * ]

{All take their customary seats in the theater}

TOM : [Muttering] "Sleep Mode..." Why I oughta...

> `**Former Hyoudeno residence... Kyoto, Japan**
> In her bedroom, Aria grunted as she tried to get a Cherry
> Project manga Kiramay-chan (her Aunt) had left on top of the
> bookcase, ^Sigh... ^ she thought, ^ If only I had longer arms..
> or weren't in a wheelchair... not that either situation can be
> dealt with... ^ .

TOM : Of course, if she lived in Tokyo, she'd be swimming in magical
critters, helpful aliens, and robot maids to help her with that.
JOEL: Brought to you by the Tokyo Visitors Bureau.

> Oddly, she was smiling... albeit with tears in her eyes, reflecting
> her rather contradictory mood..

CROW: She was tearfully depressed.

> She was smiling because Kiramay-chan (she never called her her
> "aunt") had gotten that new teaching job in Tokyo that she'd wanted,
> and she had tears in her eyes because... She played with one of the
> locks of her strawberry-blond hair, that had managed somehow to get
> loose from the rather tight braid ^ Because we have to move to
> Tokyo.... because we'll move away from Kyoto........

JOEL: [Aria] Because I'll probably end up in a stupidly short skirt,
spouting off goofy speeches...

> away from my friends... ^ She sighed,

ALL : [Aria] LE SIGH!

> than suddenly wrinkled her nose, ^


> Not to mention all that stupid packing and un-packing we'll have to
> do....
> She gave another (shorter) sigh, then lifted her chin up and blinked
> away the tears from her spring-green eyes, ^ You worry to much,
> Hyoudeno Aria.... ^, she told herself, ^ You'll make new friends in
> Tokyo, you know.... none of them will be as close as Mara-chan is to
> you, but.... ^

TOM : But what they lack in emotional connection, they make up for
in super powers.

> , her eyes filled with tears again, at the returning thought of
> moving away from her best friend in the world, Takeuchi Mara. ^ ...
> Wait a minute.... ^
> "Wait a minute... HAI!


> I remember! I'm supposed to meet Mara-chan in the park this after
> noon... she wanted to talk to me.. MOOCHI (that's the word for
> "sweetcakes" in Japanese... being that Aria didn't like cursing, she
> usually said "Moochi" instead...)!

TOM : So she'd rather be ridiculous than vulgar. Interesting.
JOEL: Sort of a culinary Tourette's.


CROW: [Aria] I'm going to get the hose, again! I just know it!

> ***
> **Haruka Park.... Kyoto, Japan**

[All hum "MacArthur Park"]

> Aria panted, after having had to go a fair distance from her and
> Kiramay-chan's apartment, not to mention uphill aways...

JOEL: In both directions!
CROW: In the snow!
TOM : At night!
ALL : Damn kids!

> "Moochi..."
> She said, trying to catch her breath again, actually she was pretty
> happy... not only was she not late, but she was actually a tiny bit
> early - a true first, for her! *smile*

ALL : Yay!

> Well.. she WAS happy, until, that is, a sudden wave of dizziness
> washed over her............. she could hear a faint, strange
> tinkling sound on the wind,..............

CROW: Maybe it was the sound of all those dots flying by?
JOEL: Tinkerbell, is that you?

> although she had to strain a little to hear it, ......... because of
> a steady humming sound in her ears..................... which kept
> getting even louder.

TOM : It was about that time that the bullet train ran her over.
The end.

> ^ Something weird..... is happening now....... ........although how
> I know, I have no clue, just a gut feeling, I... guess... ^ She was
> starting to feel a little light-headed, faint.... "

CROW: Teach you to eat those Rohypnol-filled dumplings.

> "What's...? What's... go-going on... he--"
> She suddenly stopped in mid-word, as blackness enveloped her....

JOEL: But Blackness forgot the stamp, so The Void sent her back.

> ***
> She opened her eyes. Very slowly. She squinted... where was all that
> sunlight coming from? She was in the middle of a stand of Cherry
> trees... ^ Whoa. ^ .... she thought. ^ Um... I.. guess I'm NOT,
> anymore... am I? ^

JOEL: "Not 'What?' anymore"; Charles Nelson Riley?
TOM : I said "Butt", Gene!

> In fact, it looked as if she were in one giant white space... with a
> few small blooming Cherry Trees here and there, and a few large,
> comfy-looking white cushions (like the very one she was sitting on),
> which somewhat resembled bean-bag chairs... weird...

CROW: It's Pee-Wee's Afterlife!

> A million questions rolled around in her confused thoughts... but
> the most blatantly obvious one, she chose to voice: "Where in the
> world AM I?!" .....

TOM : [Aria] Oh,SUSHI! I'm dead, aren't I?

> "In your Mind, My Child... in your Mind." Aria gasped, and twisted
> around to see who had spoken...

JOEL: [Aria] Please let it be Laurence Fishburne!

> it was then she realized... "My legs... I.. I... I can MOVE them!!
> --But, HOW!?" "It is as I said, My Child -- we are in your Mind...
> In your subconscious."
> ^ STILL doesn't explain how my dead-as-a-doornail legs can suddenly
> MOVE... ^ , she thought.

CROW: Which part of "In your mind" isn't registering?

> The voice that spoke to her was almost timeless... soft, but somehow
> authorative, in an odd way.

TOM : Martha Stewart?
CROW: Laura Roslin?
JOEL: Mom?!?

> She was beautiful... tall (at least six feet), slender, with
> milky-white skin... her hair was that pure-blond color that's almost
> white,

CROW: You mean "platinum?"
JOEL: Let's not jump to conclusions.

> tied back in a VERY long, thin, tight braid that reached a good three
> or four feet or so beyond her bare ankles, with a large 'flat' bun on
> the top.... She was wearing a long, white dress..... She had large,
> angel-like , white, glowing wings... and she had pretty much flawless
> features.. and what actually frightened Aria the most, at this
> point....... was that the woman's eyes seemed eerily not unlike her
> own..

TOM : [Aria] This is the coolest funhouse mirror EVER!

> She would have shivered, Aria, except it seemed impossible, in
> this... place... there was an unbelievable warmth here....

JOEL: [Aria] Tempura! This is Hell, isn't it?

> she couldn't explain it, or take it all in at once.... so she gave
> up trying. Instead, she somehow managed to say the words "Who ARE
> you?!" "I..." Said the woman, "Am called the Spirit of Andromeda"
> "The Spirit of Andromeda?", she asked,

CROW: [Aria] Is that anything like being the "Spirit of Radio?"
TOM : ?She is the one named Geddy Lee!?

> " that constellation?"
> "Yes," the Spirit answered her, "like the constellation --who do you
> think they named it after?" She smiled, then sat down beside Aria.
> "Oh.. really? Cool!" said Aria, the Spirit grinned...

JOEL: [Spirit] Yes! She's buying it!

> "Still the same, My Child, aren't you? Still the same..."
> "As what?"
> "As always.."
> "Always?" Aria echoed, now more confused than ever.

CROW: Right there with you, babe!

> "Yes, let me explain a little... " the Spirit said, "You are a
> Sailor Senshi, and I am your Guardian Spirit."
> "I'm a SAILOR SENSHI!?!?" She wouldn't have ever believed such
> positively ludicrous words from any other mouth.. but something deep
> inside of her made her want to believe the Spirit's words...

CROW: [ala Rain Man] Mind control! Definitely... definitely mind

> "Yes, you are." The Spirit smiled again,
> "Wow.." whispered Aria, "...That's so --that's so COOL! .... Um...
> are --are you SURE?"

TOM : [Aria] I'm not actually Sailor Terra, am I? I heard there's
like six thousand of them!

> The Spirit chuckled, "Yes, I'm sure --I've been your Guardian Spirit
> for a very long time.. millennia upon millennia upon millennia, in
> fact..."
> "MILLENNIA!? But --I... I'm only 15!.."

JOEL: [Spirit] So you're young for your age.

> "In this lifetime." said the Spirit quietly,
> "In this --lifetime?"

TOM : New on Lifetime: "She Woke Up A Senshi!"
CROW: Starring Jennie Garth as Aria and Nancy McKeon as Spirit of

> It was then that her pale blond hair fell over her shoulder and into
> her a-dress-lot-like-The-Spirit's-clad lap.... ^PALE BLOND!?!? But
> my hair is STRAWBERRY blond... what the heck happened to it!? ^ She
> thought wildly,

JOEL: [Aria] Oh, right... I'm dead or in my head or something....

> She chose to voice this question, as not only had it gone from
> strawberry- to pale-blond, but it had also grown in length from
> just-past-her-shoulder-blades to just-past-her-hips length, and...
> She felt the back; there was a bun on the top of it...

TOM : A cinnamon bun.
CROW: Sailor Cinnabon - to the rescue!

> "My, my, full of questions, as always, My Child.." the Spirit
> remarked with a smile,

JOEL: [Spirit] You're so cute when you're being dense.

> "The answer to the latter question is that, in your original form,
> your Senshi form, your hair has always been like that... it's only
> inevitable that your subconscious would project your image to you
> like that... you may even recall...." She said, breaking into a
> grin, "...Having quite a few dreams in which you looked much like
> that.... it HAS happened to you before..."

CROW: [Spirit] As has being dead. So here we are.

> Moving onward with her explanations, she said "As to your previous
> question... yes, in THIS lifetime you are only 15 years of age, as
> of yet... " She went on to say "Most of the other Senshi you're
> familiar with, I must tell you, live up to the age of about 1000
> years, than get Reborn..."
> "1000 years!? Reborn?"

TOM : [Aria] Confused now!

> "Yes, Reborn... so they can keep on fighting for the safety of the
> Universe.." She continued with, "However.. you are not like the
> other Senshi in many respects... the most obvious one being
> lifespans..."
> "Lifespans?" She asked,
> ^man, am I starting to sound like a parrot here, or what?^ she
> thought...

JOEL: A none-too-bright one, at that...

> "Yes, lifespans.." continued the Spirit.. "and don't worry... you
> don't sound TO much like a parrot, at this moment..",
> "How...?"

CROW: [Spirit, in a Stoner voice] I'm in your head, man!

> "I know you VERY well... anyhow...", the Spirit continued, "You are
> one of --and destined to be the leader of-- a group of 12 unique,
> and very powerful Sailor Senshi, called the Silver Senshi... you
> live within a *3000* year lifespan,

TOM : [Aria] So I'll outlive my minions by 2000 years? Score!

> and in this lifespan, you are destined to protect the other Sailor
> Senshi from the wrath of your Black-Energy counter part --your 'Evil
> Twin', if you will.. -- named 'Sailor Obsidian Andromeda'... you,
> Sailor Silver Andromeda, are the most powerful of all the Silver
> Senshi... and she is one of the most powerful --and deadly--
> creatures in the Black Force...

JOEL: This is sounding less like Sailor Moon and more like Power

> which happens to have been called by many names: the 'Negaverse',
> the 'Black Moon Family', the 'Death Busters' and the 'Dead Moon
> Circus', for example, in this last couple of millennia... most
> recently, it has taken on another new form.. now calling itself the
> 'Black Hole Collection' "

CROW: Didn't Hallmark put out a Christmas "Black Hole Collection" a
few years back?
JOEL: Yeah, but it didn't do too well. Probably because Anton
LeVay was the spokesman.

> She waited a moment, for all of this to sink in, before she
> continued,

TOM : [Aria] Could you repeat, like, ALL of that?

> "...However, she shares the same lifespan that you do... and,
> fortunately for Humanity, like you, she has to wait about 4000 years
> before being Reborn again..."

JOEL: All those totally lost now..?

> "4000 years!?" Aria broke in,
> "Yes, 4000 years... during that time, your Soul goes back to the
> constellation Andromeda, to gather positive White/Silver-Energy, and
> rest up before you make the long journey back to where the Senshi
> are, in order to protect them from your Black-Energy counterpart...
> although, in times of need, they --unknowingly, of course-- borrow
> energy from the constellations --especially Andromeda... "

CROW: [Aria] You are so pulling this out of your ass, aren't you?

> "But... how come it takes so long for me to gather energy and get
> back to where the other Senshi are?"
> "A mystery, isn't it? That's just the way it is..."

JOEL: [Spirit] Some things will never change...
TOM : Translation: I couldn't think of a better explanation, but it
sounded too cool not to say.

> The Spirit suddenly stood, and started walking leisurely forward...
> Aria stood and followed her, feeling rather odd now that her
> dead-weight limbs were actually WALKING again...
> The Spirit walked under a small bunch of Cherry Trees, with Aria
> trailing behind her...

CROW: If Prince shows up, I'm am SOOO out of here!
JOEL: This feels kinda like a porn scene set-up.

> ^ I wonder how they can grow without soil or water or whatever... ^
> Aria thought absently.
> The Spirit suddenly spoke again, "All right... now that I've
> Reawakened you, You'll be needing this..." she handed Aria a small
> gold key, with a heart-shaped top with some strange swirls engraved
> in it, hanging on a gold chain,
> "What is it?" Aria asked, thinking that it looked AWFULLY familiar,
> somehow...

JOEL: It's a Penthouse Pet Key! I knew this was porn!

> "It is your Transformation Key, it will transform you into your
> Senshi form, when you shout out your Transformation Phrase..
> 'Andromeda Silver Constellation Power... MAKE UP!' , understand?"
> "Hai." Aria nodded.

TOM : [Aria] And by "hai," I mean "Whut?"

> "Very well..." said the Spirit, "...I have one more thing to tell
> you... as your life after your Reawakenment moves forward.. you will
> rapidly start receiving memories from some of your past lives.. do
> not be frightened,

CROW: [Spirit] I assure you; you consented to everything you did.

> as they can come at unusual moments sometimes... but most, if not
> ALL of these memories may be able to help you in this lifetime..."
> "Right..."
> "Oh... and, don't worry... you'll find the other Silver Senshi very
> soon... " her voice started to fade out...

JOEL: [Spirit] Silver Pegasus, Silver Orion, Silver Taurus, Silver
Sable, the whole gang!

> "It always happens like that.. you girls are like magnets or
> something.... Farewell for now, My Child.............."

TOM : [Spirit] See you next resurrection!

> ***
> "Aria?" She moaned, "Aria-chan?"..

CROW: She's moaning her own name? Kinky!

> ^ What the --? Oh, right... ^ , she thought, opening her eyes.
> "Aria-chan! What a switch, eh? Sorry I'm late... I had to do
> something for my mother before I left.."
> The fairly pretty young brunette-haired girl who'd just been
> apologizing for being late, Takeuchi Mara, smiled.
> "For once, YOU fell asleep waiting for ME.. what a turnaround!"


> Aria smiled, "Hai, and for once, I was actually about two minutes
> EARLY!" she giggled.
> "WOW! You? Early? Boy, is this day odd, huh?"
> ^You don't know the half of it..^ Aria thought to herself.


> "Hey!"
> "What?"
> "Where'd you get that pretty necklace from?" Aria looked down, and
> barely contained her shock, for it was the same necklace --golden
> Key and all-- that the Spirit had given her in the dream..

CROW: [Aria] Umm... Let's just say you'll be seeing it again on
newsstands in about a month...

> ^ Or WAS it a dream...? ^

TOM : Umm... Yes! No! Uh... PASS!

> "Oh.. this? ....a recent gift..." She shrugged.
> "Oh... well it's pretty cool... wanna' go for ice cream?"

CROW: [Mara] Mystery later; sweet stuff now!

> "Sure thing!" Aria exclaimed, "...but.. uh, didn't you want to talk
> to me about something or other?"
> "Hai.. I wanted to give you this..."
> Mara handed her a photograph; it was a picture of her and Mara-chan,
> at a picnic at a local temple last year.. having the time of their
> lives...

CROW: Subtext? What subtext?

> ^I remember that...^

TOM : [Aria] That was a sacrilegiously good time!

> "Oh.. Domo Arigatou, Mara-chan!"
> "Think nothing of it! Now --I'll treat, okay?"
> "Oh... wow.. you're being so... um, NICE today..."
> "I know... it's just that, well, it won't be to long..."
> Aria didn't have to ask what she meant by that.

JOEL: [Aria] Right... The cullings are next week.

> "Besides.. what are friends for?" They both smiled, and headed
> straight for the nearest sweet shop...
> ***
> **The Athletic Area -Haruka Park...... Kyoto, Japan (again)**
> "Mmm-mm-mm!" Aria exclaimed, "That ice cream was FANTASTIC!"

CROW: [Aria] Smegma Ripple Fudge is my fave!
TOM : Ew...

> "Yeah, I know! Even better than usual! Misu Tara-san's desserts were
> even better than that time a couple of weeks ago!"

CROW: [Aria] Yeah, remember they had that cute new waiter?
JOEL: [Mara] Yeah, what was his name?

> ("Misu Tara-san" was the one who ran the sweet shop that the girls
> had gone to, and was a renowned chef in that part of the country)

TOM: She was known as "Iron Chef Sugar".

> "Yeah, I know... HEY!" Aria said suddenly, "Look at those GORGEOUS
> guys over there!"

JOEL: [Mara] You mean the ones in the corner, kissing?
TOM : D'oh!

> "Ohhh.. you're RIGHT, they ARE gorgeous! They look like they're
> Americans, don't they?"
> "Yeah... I think they're playing one of those American sports.. I
> think... I think it's called 'Bassetball'.... " Aria said,

CROW: And that just conjures a buttload of weird images!
TOM : [Ala Dick Vitale] I tell ya', baby! That Fred Bassett, he's a
real high flyer! A PTPer!

> "Hey.. what's that written on their shoes?"
> "Well.. I can, well, SORT OF read some English...."
> "What do they say?"
> "I think.. I THINK they say

JOEL: "Horribly overpriced?"

> 'Nicky'.... "
> "Never heard the word..."
> "Must be some new American shoe company or something...."

TOM : Quick FYI, girls - Nike has been in Japan since 1981. That's
like saying Toyota is a new car maker in America.

> As the girls drooled over the four young Americans playing
> 'Bassetball', and wearing 'Nickys', something strange started to
> happen to the players on the court...

CROW: They started using fundamental basketball skills!

> "Right... hey!"
> "What?"
> "What's going on!? They're all starting to drop like Tokyo in a
> Godzilla movie!"
> "You're right!"
> Within a few seconds,

JOEL: Godzilla sued for copyright infringement.

> Mara herself, -- along with every other person in the park
> (excluding Aria,..)-- began to moan and fall to ground as if in a
> faint.

TOM : [Aria, French accent] Le Faint!
CROW: Drama queen...

> "WHAT'S GOING ON!?" Aria cried out in disbelief, "What's HAPPENING
> here!?"
> ^^ Quick! their energy's being drained! Transform --there'll be,
> beyond a doubt, a member of The Black Hole Collection nearby! ^^
> Aria gasped, as she recognized, without a doubt, the Spirit of
> Andromeda's voice resounding within her mind.
> "What do MEAN, 'TRANSFORM'!?"

ALL : [Spirit] D'OH!

> ^^ I MEAN... ^^ the Spirit's voice said patiently, ^^ TRANSFORM....
> change to your Senshi form, now!! ^^
> "Ohh.. right!"

CROW: [Spirit, muttering] I swear, you get dumber in every

> "Well, here goes.." she muttered, taking a deep breath, "ANDROMEDAAA
> As she said this, the Key around her neck began to rise... and than
> the locket-like top flew open with a burst of silver light and
> energy...

TOM : ...Incinerating her. The end.

> She twirled three times, her body glowing with silver light... than
> bursts of sparkling energy came and surrounded her body, in the
> shape of a Sailor Fuku.... she spun twice, and then her arms, held
> above her head, were surrounded by more of the sparkling white
> energy, which blew away, revealing a typical pair of Sailor Senshi
> gloves, with silver glove-rings.... as the other energy blew away to
> reveal a typical Sailor Fuku, with a silver skirt and collar, and
> dark blue front and back bows (the back bow looks somewhat like the
> ones the Supersailors have on their Fukus), she thought about how
> natural, familiar, all this, the transformation into a Senshi, felt.
> She twirled, (her hair was already in the style it had been in
> her... vision?)... then, part of her shins were covered in that same
> sparkle... she brought her legs up to a fetal position.... after
> turning slowly for a few seconds, -- and looking for all the world
> as if she were stretching her legs -- she threw herself out of the
> position, --at the same time, her boots, looking much like an
> almost-a-third-shorter, dark blue-with-a-silver-band-along-the-top
> pair of boots similar to Eternal Sailor Moon's, appeared on her feet
> -- she threw her head back, eyes closed, as a burst of white energy,
> looking much like a comet, flew into her forehead, two more from the
> sides coming after it... after a burst of light, her tiara, with a
> silver gemstone, appeared.... she twirled several more times, then
> went into her "PTP (Post-Transformation Pose)" -- she stood like a
> stork on one leg, looking to her right and making a "V" sign with
> her left hand, ......

JOEL: Give it up for the longest Transformation Sequence ever

[Everyone cheers]

> Coming out of her PTP, she suddenly sensed something behind her....

CROW: [Aria] Oh, right! Monster!

> she leaped, and not a moment to soon, because she was being charged
> at by a horribly ugly creature... solid black, with two wickedly
> curved horns on it's head, several nasty-looking fangs, a tail with
> yet another wickedly curved horn on the end, and four-fingered
> claws/hands the size of Mt. Fiji...

TOM : It's Eduardo!
JOEL: Guess Bloo finally made him snap.

> She leaped again, as it once more attempted to charge her.. she
> beaned it with her fist. HARD. It only served make it madder.

TOM : ["Eduardo"] ¡Hey! ¡Acabo de desear direcciones a la Tokyo

> ^ Guess this means I don't get to make a Cheesy Speech? ^

CROW: Bonus!

> She dodged another attack, and in retaliation, brought her fist up
> under the monster's chin... it barely even flinched.....

TOM : ["Eduardo"] ¡Heh! ¡Eso cosquilleó!

> As it attempted to ram her with it's wicked horns, she used his
> (it's?) momentum against it, by pulling herself to the right side
> and grabbing it's arm, pulling it around so that the monster went
> flying.....

ALL : Olé!

> It got on it's feet almost immediately, (how do they always manage
> to DO that!?) and (unwisely), attempted to ram her again....
> she pulled to the left this time, and brought her fist up to greet
> the ugly thing's stomach. It finally worked.

TOM : ["Eduardo"] ¡Ow! ¡Mi cicatriz del apéndice!

> ^ YES!! I found it's weak spot! HA! ^ .
> She leaped back and into the air, preparing to initiate an attack
> that she hadn't done in a long time....

JOEL: [Aria] Andromeda... RUN AWAY SCREAMING!

> Arms at her sides.. she shouted "Swirling...".. as a vertical beam
> of white light enveloped her.. lifting her braid high into the air..
> she twirled around twice, than gracefully raised her arms and
> shouted "VOR-TEX!"..

CROW: She's gonna throw boots at him?
JOEL: That's "Gor-Tex", Crow.
CROW: Oh... My bad.

> a sphere of white light formed in her hands.. she turned around
> once.. and, legs together, raised her hands high above her head..
> and came down in a kneeling position, and sent a beam of
> see-through, blurry power at her enemy...

JOEL: You might want to hit that with a little Windex...

> The stupid creature, being an evil monster and all, just stood there
> like a deer caught in the headlights (like they always seem to do in
> the seemingly 40-second interval it takes to power up, say, a Moon
> Spiral Heart Attack...)

TOM : They're mesmerized by the sheer silliness.

> ..... she aimed for the stomach again, ..... and hit her mark.
> The creature doubled over, groaning... then suddenly exploded in a
> burst of energy...

TOM : ["Eduardo"]¡No es bueno! ¡No es bueno en todos!
JOEL: Oh my God! They killed Edwardo!
CROW: You bastards!

> shouting out "CHIBI!!!!" as it's last words....

CROW: He was brainwashed by Chibi-Chibi! I told you she was evil!

> Aria heard a faint moaning sound, and realized with a start that
> everyone, particularly Mara-chan, had already started to wake up...
> not wanting to be recognized, she leaped away.

TOM : Short-skirted Hentai-Bait... AWAY!

> Mara, seeing the "mysterious figure" leaping into the distance,
> whispered "Domo Arigatou..."

JOEL: [Mara] Sailor Roboto!

> ***
> "You're POSITIVE you didn't see her?"
> "YES, Mara-chan, I most certainly didn't see her...

CROW: [Aria] Which part of "I was unconscious too" did you not

> what was she like, anyhow?"
> "Well..." answered Mara, "She was... like they always describe the
> Sailor Senshi..."

JOEL: Skinny, underaged, indecently dressed, and kinda ditzy?

> "Like they always describe the Senshi?"
> "Hai, you know... tall, beautiful, mysterious... "

TOM : Okay, that describes Pluto... But what about the other 8 and a
CROW: *rimshot*

> Aria had to hide her grin...

TOM : [Aria] They're buying it! I can't believe they're buying it!

> "Really? Wow, wish I'D seen her.... " , Aria said, (while barely
> managing to stifle a giggle).
> "Hai, she was AMAZING.... you should have SEEN her Aria-chan! She
> really CLOBBERED that monster! "
> "WOW... she sounds REALLY cool!" ,
> "She IS!" , Mara said excitedly.

JOEL: [Mara] And by the way, I totally know that was you and I'm
sucking up to you shamelessly from now on!

> *
> Aria's mind wasn't on the subject anymore... she was still wondering
> where the heck her wheelchair had disappeared to, when she had
> Transformed....

TOM : Hammerspace?
CROW: Same place Optimus Prime's trailer does?
JOEL: Wheelchair Gnomes?

> and even more so.... how the heck did it suddenly REAPPEAR when she
> de-Transformed...?

JOEL: See above.

> ***
> ^ Well... I DID sort of want a slightly more.. exciting, life....
> but moving to Tokyo would've been enough, I think...^ She thought to
> herself, ^Well... guess 'ya gotta be careful what you wish for...
> you just might get it! ^

TOM : Oh, you'll get it, alright...
CROW: And I'd like to be the one to give it to you! BOOM!

> The End....
> To Be Continued....

JOEL: Ambivalent, much?

> @~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

TOM : [Documentary narrator] And here we see the At Signs start
their long trek up the River Tilde...

> Well, thanx for reading my FF!

JOEL: You're welcome. I guess...

> If you have any comments, email me.. I won't expect TO many flames,
> since, IMHO, I think it was an excellent story (I MIGHT be a little
> partial, though ~_^),

CROW: Urge to kill smileys... rising...

> but if you want to flame me, please don't....

TOM : [Andromeda] And by "flame", I mean "anything that doesn't say
what a wonderful writer I am!"

> it's just plain rude.... any praise (of course) is welcome, and, if
> you really DO find something a 'little-off' in my story.... then
> please tell me, but be gentle, since I'm a beginning FF author
> ~_^.....

TOM : Okay - suggestion #1: STOP WITH THE DAMN SMILEYS!!!
JOEL: Easy, Tom, easy!
TOM : Sorry, sorry... it's just that there's so damn MANY of them!

> I DO NOT own the Fabulous Sailor Moon Manga or Show or Characters...
> (even though I didn't mention them in this chapter, I think I still
> have to say that anyway ~_^), they are owned by their creator,
> Takeuchi Naoko (^_^),

CROW: Um, yeah. You covered this already.

> the original manga publisher Kodansha, and the original producer of
> the Anime, Toei.. and also belong in part to Cloverway Inc. (Cwi),
> who's doing the S and SuperS dubs (w/ very few changes, YEAH!) for
> Toonami (Cartoon network's officially my fav station, now *wink*,
> ^_^) and DiC, ..... ,

TOM : Buncha stupid DiCs...

> the only characters that are mine in this FF are all of the Silver
> Sailor Senshi - to be mentioned in further chapters-, their assorted
> Guardian Spirits (including the Spirit of Andromeda...)

JOEL: Sprit of Orion, Spirit of '76, Spirit of Competition, Spirit
of GI Joe...

> and Black Energy Counterparts, The three male (and female, too)
> members of the fictional band 'Dragontooth', Takeuchi Mara, Hyoudeno
> Aria/Sailor Silver Andromeda, Hyoudeno Kiramay, Miss Rain and Cherry
> (well, they're both named after manga by Takeuchi Naoko... they're
> Aria's cats.... I might not even mention them in the FF, but this is
> in case I do *wink* ...) and Ai (Aria's wolf/dog)... oh, and 'Misu
> Tara'... even though I'll probably never use her character again...
> ~_^.

TOM : Okay, fess up; who else dozed off during that little ramble?

[Crow and Joel both raise their hands]

> Remember To Stay 'Tuned' For Sailor Silver Andromeda's Next
> Adventure!

CROW: Not if we can help it!
TOM : Let's split fellas!

[All get up to leave]

> Disclaimer:

TOM : ...Or not.

[All sit back down]

> I DO *NOT* own Sailor Moon, nor will I ever...

JOEL: [Andromeda] But I'm looking into rentals!

> for if I did, I'd make sure it were dubbed better,....

JOEL: Well, the Funimation dub wasn't that bad.
CROW: Outside of the "cousins" thing, anyway...

> (Not to mention, I'd be VERY rich indeed...) The Wonderful Takeuchi
> Naoko, Kodansha, Toei, DiC, MIXXzine/TOKYOPOP/Smile, The Cartoon
> Network, and Cloverway Inc. do... I'm just a lowly Moonie
> ~_^........

TOM : Looks like we have to spray for smileys, again.

> Note: Part I was a little bogged down in details, because it was the
> first Part of the Fic, and I tried to introduce most of the basics
> of the FF in that first Part.... but I promise You..... Part II's
> lots better than Part I (as will be probably every other part after
> it)... and has way more humorous parts....

JOEL: Is that a promise or a threat?

> So Enjoy!

CROW: [cheerfully] Doubtful!

> ..... Forgive me, for my desacration!


> It ( this fic )actually should be set sometime shortly after the S
> (or maybe even SuperS )series in Japan... in other words, Usagi is
> 15... that should clear things up a tiny bit.... the reason I have
> to mention this is that I was GOING to set it after Sailor Stars..
> but realized that the Senshi are 16 in Stars.. and I remember
> thinking 'wait.... didn't I want ...oh.... that screws up MY
> plotline...'

TOM : What's... with... all... the... elipses...?

> Oops. ... No da.... right.... also, I've learned that (I think)
> Pharoah 90 was beaten at the end of the S series.. I thought he
> lasted until Sailor Stars... (shows what a SLIGHTLY CLUELESS Dubbie
> I am.. ~_^... in fact, you notice I used the DiC version of the
> theme?... I should get a Sub... ) ... also I use ' ^ 's to indicate
> thoughts (forgot to mention it before ^_^), and a double ' ^ '
> indicates Telepathy...

CROW: And the Wolf is represented by the oboe.
JOEL: And "?" indicates "Run that by me, again?"

> .... so sue me, I like the name 'Haruka'

CROW: [Andromeda] Almost as much as I like smileys!

> (see how many times you can spot it in this fic! ~.^ ).......

TOM : That might make a fun drinking game, actually...

> **** In Part II of The Andromeda Chronicles...... Aria nearly
> forgets her rather wordy Henshin Phrase.... Silver Andromeda makes
> her first Cheesy Speech... Aria starts being tracked by a freelance
> reporter/photographer named Harukano Lanko....

CROW: Does that count as a "Haruko"?
JOEL: Sure, why not?

> Aria says goodbye to Mara-chan, as she prepares to move to Tokyo
> .... Sailor Silver Andromeda gets a new power.... The name 'haruka'
> is mentioned at least three(+) times.. ---- and more!

JOEL: Confused? You won't be - after this episode of...

> Here it is everyone, Part II of The Andromeda Chronicles! ^_^ ****

TOM : Geez, those things breed like Tribbles!

> *********"Got Moon?"*********

JOEL: Yeah, but not on the first date.

> The Andromeda Chronicles, Part II: "Train (Wreck) Station"

TOM : ...Or "The Little Engine That Could (Destroy Us All)!"

> **************************
> *Haruka Park.... Kyoto, Japan*
> **************************

[All hum "MacArthur Park"]

TOM : ...Aaaand

> "Aria-chan!"

CROW: [Speaker] Prepare to die!

> Aria finally caught sight of her brown-haired, blue-eyed friend,
> waiting for her by a stand of Cherry trees near the athletic feild.

JOEL: "Felid," huh?
CROW: Sounds like something you'd need an ointment for.
TOM : "Hey, Chuck! That feild finally clear up?"

> "Mara-chan!" she yelled, "I'm over here.... HERE!".
> She waved her arms, trying to get Mara's attention... which was a
> little difficult, considering not only the large crowds in the park
> that day, but the fact that she was in her wheelchair......

JOEL: [Aria] *SIGH!* I knew I should've had those wheel blades

> She sighed, ^ Sometimes I just feel like a *Chuu or something... ^ ,
> she thought to herself.

TOM : Well, sometimes you feel like a Chuu. Sometimes you don't.
TOM : Oh, like you weren't thinking it, too!

> Takeuchi Mara, very used to trying to find her rolling friend in
> even large crowds, soon spotted her anyway.
> "Aria-chan! *Konnichiwa!" She shouted.
> "Mara-chan!"
> They hugged, giggling like crazy....

CROW: [Aria] We're both high, aren't we!
JOEL: [Mara] Uh-huh!

> "Hey, Mara-chan, did you hear that Kikia actaully KISSED Hiragawa
> Haruka?"

CROW: Are all the women in this universe named "Haruka?"
TOM : I think it's to balance out all the men named "Ken".

> "Hai, I heard she did it on a dare...."
> She was cut off by someone's radio being turned up, with a news
> report from Tokyo.....
> "Once again, Tokyo's peace has been broken by another hideous
> monster...... and, once again... um... this reporter, along with the
> rest of the News Media in Japan.... has no CLUE what's going on..."

CROW: What's to know? Monster attacks, flee for life.
TOM : [Reporter] If any of you monsters out there are listening:
Have you considered attacking Korea or China once in a while?
I hear Austraila's nice this time of year!

> ^ Maybe it's a GOOD thing I'm moving to Tokyo.... sounds like they
> really need my help... ^ , she thought, as the reporter finished her
> story....

TOM : "Your help?" It's Japan! They let police recruits handle
anything under eight feet tall or 600 pounds.

> ".... and according to eyewitness accounts by young students Naru
> and Umino.... the Sailor Senshi, those brave young mini-skirted
> REPORT!?! --

JOEL: A sad, lonely young man.
CROW: Still true, though.

> uhh.. ... were barely able to destroy this latest Hideous
> Monster...... in other news... some Giant Robots were seen over the
> Sea of Japan... trying to blow up a Giant Moth and a Giant
> Lizard.... "

TOM : [Reporter] Armies trampled, country in peril, yadda yadda

CROW: [Reporter] In OTHER other news - I'm not wearing pants, I'm
drunk off my ass, and I'm about to violate every decency
standard in existance!

> "Wow! Did you hear that!?" Exclaimed Mara.
> "Yeah..", Aria Replied.
> "Shocking..."

JOEL: [Mara] ...How Ultraman never gets any press in these stories!

> "*No da.. Amazing..."
> "I just can't beleive it.."
> "I know.."
> "The SENSHI couldn't beat an *M.O.D!?*"

TOM : Must be time for this season's Power-Up.

> "I know... " Aria replied, sounding genuinely worried...
> Just then, someone who was *OBVIOUSLY* a Stupid American Tourist,

ALL : [Sarcastically] Obviously!

> said, (in very, VERY BAD Japanese...) ...
> "Giant Lizards...? Giant ROBOTS!? --Aren't you guys the least bit
> WORRIED about that !?"
> Practically everyone in the park turned towards the Stupid American
> Tourist, and said, in almost perfect unison...:


> "What? *Mecha?!... Gaint creatures!? -- those aren't so strange!

TOM : "Giant" creatures, on the other hand...

> Now when the SAILOR *SENSHI* have trouble beating a *Monster *of the
> *Day .... now THAT'S something you don't see every day!! "

CROW: They've developed a hive mind!

> ***
> Later that day, Aria and Mara were enjoying the festivities of the
> *DoeKuu Private School's *Magical Girl and Other *Anime Con, in
> Haruka Park,


> when suddenly.....

TOM : Shots rang out!
CROW: A woman screamed!
JOEL: Sarah Silverman made a funny joke that didn't involve
BOTS: [Wincing] Ooooh!



> Screams suddenly broke the peaceful, umm.. conventioning?

JOEL: Few things sadder than a confused omniscent narrator...
TOM : So true.

> At first, Mara thought that the person was screaming because they
> were out of Pokemon cards (after all, it WAS a ten-year-old) ...and
> Aria figured that it was probably because of the absence of the
> long-since-sold-out *Tenchi OAVs over at the Scifi booth....

JOEL: [Vendor] I'm sorry, but all we have left are the Toonami edits
on VHS.

> Then she realized the kid wasn't the only one screaming. And with
> good reason.

TOM : [Random person] Oh my God! It's Sailor Bubba and Man-Faye!
And they're making out!


> A horrible Monster of The Day -- solid black, with one
> rhinocerous-like horn coming out of it's forehead, and two tails,
> each one with a wickedly-curling horn on the end, talon-like feet
> (which somewhat resembled the feet of the Veloceraptors in the
> Jurassic Park movies), and, yet again, claws the size of Mt. Fiji --

CROW: Again with the Mt. Fiji?
JOEL: The M.O.D template must've gotten stuck on "Freaking Huge

> was tearing apart the *Pretty Samy and *Card Captor Sakura boothes
> -- while holding the *Eva/*Bubblegum Crisis booth over it's
> head.....


> ^^ Aria... ! ^^
> "*Nani.. !?" she said.
> ^ Oh... wait... it's YOU again, eh? ^

JOEL: It's Sailor Canada!
CROW: [Aria] On behalf of Labatt's Blue, I will punish you!

> ^^ Hai, it's me... er... are you going to transform anytime in this
> MILLENIUM...? ^^ (Aria could very easily imagine the Spirit of
> Andromeda raising an eyebrow at that point... )

TOM : Spock-like, John Belushi-like, or The Rock-like?

> ^ Wha...? Oh, right... ^

CROW: [Aria] Um... Transform into what, again?
JOEL: [Spirit] *SIGH!*

> Taking a deep breath, she shouted "Andromeda, POW-- "

CROW: Sort of a wetter, longer, "splat" thing...

> ^ Wait... THAT'S not it.. ^
> "Andromeda STARRR...."


> ^ No.. ^
> "Andromedaaa Crys-- no.... Andromedaaaaa PLA-- no, THAT'S not it
> either... "

JOEL: [Aria] Bento! Remembering stuff is hard!

> ^ ahHA! I've got it! ^
> Taking a deep breath, she yelled


> "Andromedaaaa Constellationnnnnn POWER!! *MAKE-UP!!* "
> ^ Ahem! ^^, the Spirit coughed in her head...

TOM : [Sprit] You know, the monster's probably killed everyone by

> "..."
> (Sound of crickets chirping....)
> Aria audibly blinked. Twice.

JOEL: I think her brain rebooted!

> ^^ Close... it's Andromeda SILVER Constellation Power.... ^^
> ^ Oh, right... ^, she blushed/sweatdropped.
> " 'Kay... here goes! Andromedaaaa...... SilVERRR....
> This time, it actually had an effect.

TOM : Unfortunately, since she mispronounced "Andromeda", the effect
was to turn her into Abe Vigoda.

> Once again, she felt that giddy rush as the sparkling energy
> surrounded her body in the shape of a fuku and gloves... and her
> fuku, gloves, and than her shoes appeared on her body.....
> The comet-like objects formed her tiara, her lips sparkled ala the
> Neptune/Uranus *henshin sequences, she twirled, and came down into
> her PTP....

CROW: And promptly fell over from dizziness.

> She ran up to the monster, and shouted: "I am Sailor Silver
> Andromeda, warrior of justice from the stars! In revenge for those
> fantastic anime you have so heinously dishonored, and their sweet,
> devoted fans, I will make you PAY..." she glared at the creature,
> who had finally managed to notice her, "On behalf of the
> constellation Andromeda, I shall DESTROY you!"

TOM : I think my Cheez-O-Meter just broke!

> ^^ Oh BROTHER... ^^ said the Spirit (one could imagine her rolling
> her eyes...).

JOEL: Right there with you, sister!

> ^ Ha! Finally got to make a Cheesy Speech! ^, Aria thought, ignoring
> the Spirit's rather rude comment.

CROW: This is a proud moment for her?
TOM : Sure; traditions have to be upheld!

> Meanwhile, the M.O.D just grinned insanely at her... and that was
> rather.. disconcerting....

JOEL: [Monster] Cute speech. Now you die!

> It suddenly turned towards her, and fired a fiery blast -- missing
> her by mere inches (er... I mean Centimeters -- Japan runs on the
> Metric system, doesn't it?)

CROW: You're the narrator; you tell us!
TOM : Actually, Japan runs on bio-diesel. Has since last June.

> ^ That.. was WAY to close! ^ , Aria thought. ^Hmm...^
> "That's IT! I've had it with you, you ugly reject from a
> back-scratcher factory!", she shouted at it, "You're going DOWN!"
> She than proceeded to activate her attack...
> "Swirliinnnggg..... VOR-TEX!"
> She gasped!
> ^Oh NO!^

JOEL: [Aria] I left the oven on!

> For no sooner than she had iniciated the attack, than the M.O.D. had
> grabbed the nearest Fleeing Resident (you'd think they could run
> faster..) and held them in front of it... worst of all, it was MARA,
> -- and she was directly in Aria's line of fire!

TOM : ...So she shrugged, said a quick "gomen nasai," and blasted
them both.

> Concentrating as hard as she could in her panicked state, she
> managed to wrench the attack about nine or ten inches (I mean
> centimeters, CENTIMETERS...) to the right, just managing to miss
> Mara, and hitting the, of all things, *Dragonball Z booth....

CROW: Oooh! Irony!

> She breathed an inward sigh of relief... that is, of course, before
> the M.O.D. threw Mara at her and ran towards the concessions section
> of the con.

JOEL: [Monster] That limited edition EVA-03 plushie will be mine!

> Aria just managed to catch Mara, who, surprisingly enough, had yet to
> faint.

CROW: That's because she was dead.
TOM : Whoops!

> "Are you alright!?"
> ^MOOCHI! I shouldn't have done that! She'll recognise my voice for
> SURE!^
> Luckily, though, Mara was still a little dazed...

JOEL: ...And that whole "Senshi look and sound different to others
when transformed" thing might have had a little to do with

> "Huh..? Wha.. oh sure, I geuss..."
> Aria sighed with relief. "Good."

CROW: Brains totally scrambled! Score!

> "Uh, say..."
> "What?" she said nervously.

TOM : [Mara] Wanna go have sex? I think its expected at this point.

> "You're a Senshi, aren't you?"
> "..."

JOEL: [Aria] What gave it away? The seifuku? The long legs? The
hair? The superpowers?

> Andromeda blinked. ^She only just NOW notices that!?^

TOM : [Aria] I knew she was kinda slow, but damn!

> "Hai", she finally replied, "I am."
> "Wow!", said Mara, "Hey, thanks for saving my life!"
> Aria, much more relieved --albeit confused-- that Mara-chan didn't
> recognise her, grinned at Mara and said, "Hey, no prob." before
> setting Mara gently down and running after the monster, saying
> "Sayonara!" as she left.

CROW: [Mara] Sayonara, Ari... I mean... Mysterious Senshi lady!

> "Wow! Cool! A SENSHI! And I thought they were only in TOKYO!" said
> an incredulas Takeuchi Mara. "SHOOT! I should've asked her for her
> autograph --I know how much Aria's always admired the Senshi..."

TOM : [Mara] Although some of the fanfics she wrote were a bit

> ^Hmmm.. I could've SWORN she was a little familiar... than again^
> she thought, shaking her head to clear it, ^I WAS more than a
> little out-of-it...^
> **
> Meanwhile, in the shadows of the concessions stands...
> A green-haired, purple-eyed

ALL : ? Flyin' purple people eater! ?

> woman, who happened to be a freelance reporter/photographer

CROW: And genetic freak...

> by the name of Harukano Lanko,


> was thinking ^ Wow! What a STORY! Imagine that! a SENSHI in
> KYOTO! Hmm.. wonder if it's related to that other sighting... ?
> Naa.. ^ .
> At the same time, Aria had finally reached the concessions area...

JOEL: Where Jerry Lawler and Terry Funk were beating the crap out of
each other.
CROW: Shout out to you oldschool rasslin' fans.
TOM : REALLY oldschool!

> ^ Where is it!? ^ , she thought wildly.
> Suddenly....

TOM : A Billy Ocean song broke out!

> That strange sense of hers, at the very last instant, warned her
> of the incoming hotdog stand..

CROW: You mean "her eyesight?"
JOEL: Let's not jump to conclusions.

> ^ *Gasp!* That was CLOSE! ^ , she thought, ducking, as the booth
> crashed into a wall behind her.
> She glared daggers at the beast, saying, "That's IT! I've really
> had ENOUGH of you! You objectionable rip-off from the JP movies! "

TOM : [Monster] Um... Grrr?

> "Swirrrrllliii--- hi-YA!" she said, catching the beast off guard,
> as it the one thing it HAD'NT expected was for her to kick it in
> the chest....

JOEL: Surprising, but since she has the body mass of a spaniel, not
very effective.

> Apparently unfazed,

JOEL: Told ya'!

> it fired another blast at her, which she deftly dodged.
> She kept kicking and chopping at it, hopeing to find a weak spot
> on the horrific thing, all the time wondering...
> ^ Since when do I know Karate and Judo!?^

ALL : [Aria as Neo] WHOA!

> Meanwhile...
> ^Ohh... she moves too fast! I'll Never get a good shot in!.... Ah!
> AHA! Got a good shot or two of her after all... bleary... but
> good...^ .
> This, of course, came from Lanko...

TOM : Who, we hope, was talking about photos...

> **
> After what seemed like hours (but was probably closer to
> MINUTES..),she FINALLY found a weak point.. oddly, by accident....

CROW: She cast "Berzerk" on herself, only she forgot about the
Reflect spell. But it turns out that was the right move,
because now the boss couldn't use magic on her and... Why are
you staring at me like that?
TOM : Because I've never seen that kind of random geekout before
outside of a mirror?
JOEL: Because I was waiting for you to explain what the heck you're
talking about?

> "Ow! My FOOT!" the thing cried out, "My FOOT!".
> "Oh... did that hurt?" she asked innocently...
> It answered her with a few words that, indeed, Aria herself would
> NEVER have repeated.

TOM : Mostly because she didn't want to sound like Yosemetie Sam.
JOEL: [Aria] Who the sushi says "Razzin Frazzin" anyway?

> She cocked an eyebrow, " 'Scuse me? You need to learn some
> manners.. courtesy of my Swirling Vortex attack!
> ...Swiiirrrrliiinggg VOR-TEX!" she yelled, this time, aimming for
> the foot.

CROW: Y'know, Andromeda, babe... Acheles' heels tend not to be quite
that literal...

> "AHHHHHHHHHH!" it cried, "CHIIIBIIIII!!!!"
> (Question marks appeared over both Aria and Lanko --who was still
> in the shadows-- 's heads, as the both thought the same exact
> thing; ^CHIBI!?^ )

TOM : [Lanko] These things worship Chibi-Chibi? That's *sick!*

> ^ Oh well... who cares? At least I destroyed it...^ , Aria
> thought.
> She sighed, "Well... all in a day's work.. I geuss.." she
> muttered, as she jumped, lightning fast, to the top of the nearest
> brick wall, and leapt off into the distance.

JOEL: ...And came running back mutterring "Stupid! Stupid!", as she
remembered her whole "secret identity" thing.

> *****
> ***********************************
> Haruka no Miko train station; Kyoto, Japan
> ***********************************


> Listen little child,

CROW: ? To the man on crack! ?

> there will come a day,
> When you will be able, able to say...

TOM : ..."Page not found."

> Never mind the pain.. or the Aggravation...

JOEL: Or the Trouble or the Sorry or the Mouse Trap...

> You know, there's a better way,
> For you and me, to be.....

CROW: ...Erased from history.

> As a teary-eyed Aria and Mara exchanged emails,

JOEL: Probably all from the same place...
TOM : Bluetooth cell phones will be the death of us all.

> and bid their final goodbyes, the announcer over the loud
> speakers, in several different languages, said:

CROW: [Announcer] Last call for Platform 9¾!

> "Leaving in 3 minutes, bullet train Haruka,

TOM : Good thing we don't have any alcohol up here. We'd be in
pretty bad shape right now.
JOEL: You say that like it's a bad thing!
CROW: You say that like we're not already!

> non-stop to Tokyo.... Leaving in 8 minutes, bullet train Michiru
> no Hime, to Hokaido... Leaving in 15 minutes...."
> Look for the rainbow... In every storm...Fly like an angel..
> Heaven sent, to me...

TOM : Unfortunately, the shipping labels got switched and she ended
up with an Angel Charlie sent to her.

> "Guess that's my cue..." said Aria in sad voice, "I'm going to
> miss you SOOO much Mara-chan..."
> "I know... I'm going to miss you too Aria-chan.." Mara replied,
> her voice choked, as she neared tears again.

TOM : [Aria] I'm going to miss you the most.
CROW: [Mara] No, I'll miss you the most!
TOM : [Aria] DAMMIT, I'M going to miss you the most!

> *Goodbye, my friend
> *(I know you're gone,

JOEL: And I'm the only one who knows where the body is.

> *You said you're gone,
> *But I can still feel 'ya here...)

TOM : Hovering... Watching... JUDGING!

> *It's not... the end..
> *(Gotta' keep it strong,
> *Before the pain turns into fear)

CROW: And the fear turns to the Dar... Oh, sorry! Wrong genre!

> So glad we made it...
> Time will never change it,
> No no no.. (No no no no...)

JOEL: In other words, "no?"
TOM : Yes.

> They and their luggage were already loaded on the train. And, to
> Aria at least... it seemed as if it was that last bit of
> finality, which seemed to seal her away from Kyoto, the place
> where she had grown up most of her life, forever...

CROW: All aboard the Melodramatic Express!

> She sighed tearfully, as she watched Mara-chan run up to the very
> edge of the platform, waving her final goodbye to Aria as the
> bullet train Haruka


> pulled away from the station. Aria pressed her palm againest the
> cold glass, and felt as if the train were not only pulling her
> away from Kyoto, but from her rather happy life...

JOEL: Geez, calm down! You're going to Tokyo, not Aushwitz!

> A single tear slid down her cheek...


> Just A little girl, big imagi-nation,
> Never letting no-one, take it away...
> Went into the world, What a revelation...
> She found there's a better way,
> for you and me, to be...

CROW: Only song lyrics pad the fic.

> Look for the rainbow.. in every storm..
> Find out certain..
> Love's gonna' be there for you,
> You'll always be some-one's baby...

TOM : Or object of obsession. Same thing, really.

> *Goodbye, my friend
> *(I know you're gone,
> *You said you're gone,
> *But I can still feel 'ya here...)

JOEL: I can smell you, too! When's the last time you bathed? WOOF!

> *It's not... the end..
> *(You've gotta' keep it strong,
> *Before the pain turns into fear)

CROW: Second verse; as boring as the first.

> So glad we made it...
> Time will never change it,
> No no no no...


> As Aria fell into a deep, restless, slumber, she saw Mara-chan's
> teary face..

JOEL: [Mara] Why did you abandon me? WHYYYYY!!!

> And another tear snuck it's way out from under her troubled
> lashes, and slipped down her cheek....

CROW: Her tear ducts have lousy security!

> The times that we would play about...
> The way we used to scream and shout...
> Never dreamt, you'd go your own sweet way...

TOM : And right back to the song lyrics! Yay!

> Look for the rainbow.. in every storm..
> Find out certain..
> Love's gonna' be there for you,
> You'll always be some-one's baby...
> Aria's aunt, Kiramay, sighed as she looked at her perturbed neice,
> now fast, though not nessicarily restfully, asleep.

JOEL: "Nessisacar-wha?"

TOM : Sometimes Spellcheck throws up its hands and says "I just
don't know!"

> ^Poor Aria.. she's leaving her best friend behind.. should I
> REALLY have taken that job in Tokyo?^ she sighed again, ^Well,
> it's a little late for that, now, isn't it?^

CROW: [Kiramay] The little brat will just have to learn to cope.

> So glad we made it...
> Time will never, never ever change it..
> No no no no...

JOEL: Did someone only put one song on her iPod?

> You know, it's time to say goodbye..
> No no no no...
> And don't forget, you can rely..
> No no no no...
> You know, it's time to say goodbye...

ALL : ? To all our little friends... ?

> No no no no...
> And don't forget, on me, you can rely...
> No no no no...
> I will help.. help you on your way..
> No no no no...

CROW: Okay! We get it - NO!

> I will be with you...
> Everyday....

JOEL: You can't escape. We belong together! CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH

> Goodbye.

ALL :[AOL Voice] Goodbye!

> *****
> The bullet train Haruka

JOEL: You guys think that's getting worn out?
BOTS: Nope!
JOEL: Me neither. Just checking!

> was about halfway to Tokyo, when suddenly... it came to a
> screachinghalt....
> "YAHH!" Aria cried out in surprise,

CROW: Apparently the screech came from the passengers.

> as she went flying across the compartment.

TOM : Suddenly I have this vision of OJ Simpson from the last scene
of Naked Gun 2 1/2...

> "Oomph!",

JOEL: Loomph!
TOM : Doope do?

> both Kiramay and Aria said, as they collided in the mid-air.
> "Nani!?", said Aria, as her aunt Kiramay said, "What in the
> world...? "
> As Aria struggled to heave herself back into her wheelchair..
> ^^Aria....^^
> She groaned...
> "What's the matter?" asked Kiramay.
> "Uhh.. nothing.." she answered quickly.

CROW: [Aria] Just whining about the voice in my head!

> ^What THIS time!?...^ she thought to the Spirit, then... she
> knew.. she'd been right... She sighed, ^Not AGAIN!^
> ^^Yes, AGAIN..^^ the Spirit answered.
> ^But.. I can't transform in front of Kiramay!!^

TOM : [Aria] She'd never let me live those goofy poses down!

> ^^Problem solved, look behind you...^^ the Spirit said.
> ^Wha..? Oh...^
> Kiramay was just leaving the compartment, muttering something
> about talking to one of the conducters or something like that...

CROW: And other things like "cute porter" and "get my shota freak

> ^Right.. so where is the thing anyway?^

> The Spirit made a cough that sounded an awfull lot like
> 'window'...

> Wondering what on Earth the Spirit was trying to say, she turned
> around.. only to find an M.O.D -- with a couple of wickedly-curved
> horns sticking out of its head and a toothy, insane grin --
> hanging upside-down out side the compartment's window...

TOM : [Monster] Trick or Treat for UNICEF!
CROW: More horns and teeth, eh?
JOEL: [The Tick] Hmm... Unsettling trend.

> "BAH!" said Aria, "Uh.. well.."
> ^^Ask a silly question.....^^ remarked the Spirit.

CROW: [Spirit]...Get eaten by a youma!

> The M.O.D. crashed head (or should I say 'horns'?) first through
> the window, as it finally dawned on Aria that she should probably
> transform...


JOEL: But she bungled the cadence and transformed into Carrot Top.
TOM : The muscle-bound version.
CROW: Eww...

> ***
> Just as her transformation was complete, the M.O.D. lunged at
> her...

CROW: Probably got tired of watching you Vogue.

> luckily, she just managed to roll out of her Post Transformation
> Pose fast enough to avoid getting slammed into the wall behind
> her.
> ^I can't fight in here! There's not enough room!^ she thought,

TOM : So she whipped out her Silver Andromeda BFG and atomized the
thing. The end.

> ^We're gonna' have take this outside...^
> She rolled underneath the M.O.D. and jumped through the window on
> the other side, nearly cutting an arm on the way out.

JOEL: That'd be kind of embarassing: Killing the monster, but dying
later of tetanus.

> As soon as she landed on the soft grass outside, she had to leap
> up and on top of the now-derailed train, in order to avoid the
> M.O.D. .
> It, of course, lept to the top of the train in pursuit of her.

CROW: Top of the train, Ma!

> She turned around, and saw how awfully nasty-looking it truly was;
> it had of course, those two wickedly-curved horns, but besides
> that, it had those same veloceraptor-like feet, claws (of course)
> about roughly the size of Mt. Fuji, and an extremly LONG tail,
> with three more wickedly-curling horns on the end: two longer
> ones, and a shorter one between them.

TOM : I think we covered that already.

JOEL: Obsession? Nope, don't see it!

> Imediatly, she iniciated her attack, but, somehow, the thing
> managed to dodge it!
> She gasped, then got a determined look on her face.

CROW: [Aria] That's cheating, dammit!

> "Alright ugly.. " she said, "Prepare to PUNISHED! -- On behalf of
> the constellation Andromeda.. I shall destroy you!"
> The thing laughed at her. Grinning insanely.

TOM :[Monster] Heh! You make me horny! Get it?

> Still keeping that insane grin on it's face, it fired off what
> appeared to be a ball of lightning..

JOEL: From a horn, no doubt.

> "GAHH! Whoa! Yikes!"she shouted, as the sizable ball of
> electricity not only didn't fizzle out, but also tried to go after
> > her like heat-seeking missile.
> Thinking quickly, she took off along the length of the train,
> running her fastest, and then suddenly lept up into the air, and
> twisted around, flinging her attack at it. This resulted in,
> surprisingly, a small explosion,

CROW: Just small enough to shatter her indecently clad body. Shame,

> which flung her back quite aways.. it was then she realized that
> she'd ended up quite close to the M.O.D. ...

> It threw that deranged grin

TOM : [Monster] Heh... I see London, I see France...


JOEL: So it just kinda ends like that, huh?

CROW: Guess so.

TOM : Alrighty then, time to...

> ~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~~@~@@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~~@~


> Author's NOTE:
> So sue me..

TOM : If only we could...

> I used a Spice Girls song...

CROW: And for that, you shall burn in Hell. Happy now?

> I actually, still, LIKE some of their music, especially the slow
> songs.. 'Goodbye', which is the one I used here (seemed only
> fitting, don't you think?),

JOEL: If by "fitting" you meant "Beaten with a mallet until the odd
edges sheared off", sure!

> is one of my favorites, next to 'Viva Forever', which is a
> GORGEOUS song, it even has the Spanish Guitar in it, which is
> really cool, you should listen to it sometime...


> *Chuu (sp?)- means 'mouse' or 'rodent'....
> *konnichiwa (sp?) means 'hello' or 'welcome' (I think... it's a
> greeting of some sort -- that I'm sure of..)...
> *Mecha (pronouced 'meh-kuh') means something that is high-tech or
> > futuristic, & in Anime, is typically associated with Gaint
> Robots.....

JOEL: Never thought I'd see something worse than fangirl Japanese.

TOM : Fangirl Japanese definitions... Ergh.

> *No da -- no specific actual meaning, but the character Chichiri
> from Fushigi Yuugi says it a lot....
> *Doekuu (sp?) means 'long ago' ...

CROW: So what means "We don't care! Just end the damn fic?"

> *Magical Girl refers to a specific type of anime; anime like Card
> Captor Sakura, Pretty Samy, and of course, the WONDERFUL Sailor
> Moon, are 'Magical Girl' type anime..

TOM : Of course, 90% of people reading a Sailor Moon fic know that.
But don't let that stop you...

> *Anime *Con is short for 'anime convention'...

CROW: And "STFU" is short for...

JOEL: [Quickly] We know what it's short for, Crow!

> 'Tenchi' is short for Tenchi Muyo!, which is one of the weirdest
> anime ever made; it's also my second-fav, next, of course, to SM!
> ~_^ ....


TOM : Forgot about those!

> *Slayers is a VERY famous anime, as is
> *Magic Knight Rayearth ... the manga vers. of which I adore (look
> around on the web for more info... I suggest you use the Yahoo!
> search engine, as that is one of the very best SE for anime
> searches ...)...

CROW: Hey, when you get near a point, signal!

> *Eva is short for *Evangelion, which is a VERY famous anime about
> mecha, set in a sort of a post-apocoliptic version of Tokyo....
> *Bubblegum Crisis is a cyberpunk anime that is VERY famous and
> VERY popular, (almost as well-known as Eva or Slayers-although,
> next to SM, Tenchi, and Pokemon, those 2 have got to be the
> absulute most famous.. ) anime......
> *nani basically means 'what!?' or 'what the...' in Japanese...
> *'Henshin' means 'transform' or 'transformation'...
>*Dragonball Z, OK, this is sort of an 'anime-in-joke', as things
>are forever and constantly being blown up in that show...

JOEL: Let's hear it for some awesome fangirl rambling!

[All cheer, then get up and leave]

[ 6 ]...[ 5 ]...[ 4 ]...[ 3 ]...[ 2 ]...[ 1 ]...[ * ]

[We come back to the S.O.L bridge. The bridge is dark and the desk
is gone. The only lights are a spotlight on Crow in the foreground,
and on Joel, Tom, and Gypsy in the background]

CROW: In tribute to today's fic, and just kick out the rust a bit,
we of the Sattelite of Love present to you, this song. Hit
it, Cambot!

[The music from "Midnight Train To Georgia" starts up. Crow takes
the lead. (The lyrics in parethesis are the others singing backup)

Kyoto proved too plain for the girl
(Too much for the girl, she she couldn't take it)
So she's leavin' the life she's come to know,
Said she's goin out to find
Her place in the world
A world she left behind
Two or three lives ago

She's leaving, (Leavin'!)
On that midnight train to Tokyo
Henshin stick in hand
It's youma stompin time (Twirlin',sparklin, watch her go. Where
the hell did that wheelchair go?) And we'll have to read it all (We
feel your pain) With that midnight train to Tokyo
I'd rather not live in that world
This song will suit me just fine

She kept dreamin
Unseen voices named after a star (She tried to run, but she didn't
get far) She sure find out the hard way
That dreams sometimes do come true

So she put on her skirt
Fought monsters from near and far
On a one-way ticket back
To the life, she'd already been through

Oh yes, she's leaving,
On that midnight train to Tokyo
Kiss Mara-chan goodbye
It's Sensh-finding time
And there's more where this came from
With that midnight train to Tokyo
But we'll just stop it this way
We ran out of words that rhyme.

Go, gonna board (Kiramay?) gonna board, (What you say)
All your base belong to us!
Gotta go, (Haruka here) gonna board (Haruka there)
Gonna board
Harukas everywhere
I got to stop, please make it stop!

[The music fades as the lights come up]

CROW: So...

ALL: What do you think, Sirs?!


DR.F: Hmm... Do I chalk that up as "brain damage" or "business as
usual"? *shrugs* Either way - Push the button Fra...

[Frank's out cold again]

DR.F: [confused] I know I sealed that last canister of
Sleepingbutane, and... Why is this hose connected to the
tank... And leading to Frank's... *shudders* Oh, that's just
wrong even for me! [Looks for the camera] What are you
looking at?!? [Pushes button]

\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
/ | \
/ | \
/ | \

Mystery Science Freezer

Ep. 1: WWF Smackdown - 4/06/00 recap
Ep. 2: Scooby Did [Lemon]
Ep. 3: Voyager: S-Space, part 1 [Lemon]
Ep. 4: Voyager: Stealth Wedgie
Ep. 5: Violence Aimed Even At Preschoolers
Ep. 6: Brightheart The Cub Sitter [Lemon]
Ep. 7: Sweet Beginnings [Lime]
Ep. 8: Life's Surprises
Ep. 9: School Girls [Lemon]
Ep.10: Netnoise Triple Feature
Ep.11: Bishoujo Senshi Sour Lemon [Lemon]
Ep.12: Star Trek:Voyager - S-Space, part 2 [Lemon]
Ep.13: Captain N: The Cavern of Fate [Lemon]
Ep.14: The Two Faces of Xtian Kookery
Ep.15: New Beginnings (co-MSTed with Chan-Wu Yi)
Ep.16: The Andromeda Chronicles Part 1&2

Mystery UGoS Theater (Wrestle-centric with saltier language)

Ep. 1: Judgment Day 2000 Rant by Scott Keith
Ep. 3: Chris Hyatte's "And Another Thing" 9.25.2000 (Collaboration
with Maple Leaf Mickey and The Big Fred Machine)
Ep. 4: Danielle Fishel & Lacey Chabert At Smackdown!
Ep. 5: Salior <sicMoon/WWF Crossover

Group MSTings:

Love Bites (Edited by Rebo Valence, written with half the free

Royal and Prime Directives (Edited by Bill Livingston)­tings/Royal-PrimeDirective.txt

Columbine's Most Wanted (Edited by Dalty Smith)­lmer/mst3k/mstings/columbine.t­xt

Legolas: Back To The Future (Edited by River City Random)­cityrandom/

Will Joel and the bots land a record deal? How did Dr. Forrester
get the gas into the SOL? And where did Frank put that hose? Find
out the answer to none of these questions on the next edition of


My name is:
____ _
/ ___| | |
| |__ _ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ _ __ | |
| __|| '__/ _ \/ _ \/_ // _ \| '__|| |
| | | | __/ __/ / /| __/| | |_|
|_| |_| \___|\___||___|\___||_| (_)
And my anti-drug is porn.


Nov 5, 2007, 7:23:48 PM11/5/07
On Nov 4, 9:37 pm, Freezer <> wrote:
> Testing... Is this thing on?

Hope this helps, at least a little!


"Before the congestion charge took effect in February 2003, police
bother to track stolen number plates, as they're called in Britain,
so few incidents were reported. In 2004, nearly 6,000 plates were
according to London's Metropolitan Police"--Niraj Sheth, London's
Congestion Fee Begets Pinched Plates,
*Wall Street Journal, 2 Nov 2007, B1

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