Ferret Face
King Pineapple
Craig
Brad
"King Pineapple" <saddl...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:mk_5c.6783$CJ5....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> Any good online sources for memorable Frank Burns quotes?
I usually go to alt.tv.mash.
"Margaret, I'm not rich enough to afford a wife and an ex-wife!"
"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce".
"Margaret you're my snug harbour. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have
you to sail into".
--
Brad
Eric Foreman
Hawkeye: You certainly came to the right place.
Henry Please Come Home
Frank: Don't make me get unpleasant!
Hawkeye: I can't improve on nature, Frank.
Germ Warfare
Frank: I'm here to relieve you.
Hawkeye: You do resemble an enema.
Dear Dad
Frank, sick with the flu: My nose feels like it weights five pounds.
Carry On, Hawkeye
Frank: I think you will all agree that by trying to introduce more
discipline, more order, I have hopefully made this a more enjoyable war for
all of us. Leadership is a lonely business. Your Napoleons, your Kaisers,
your Attilas the Hun, were alone there in the front office as I have been
this week. I have thought of you. I know you have thought of me - but some
of the notes in the suggestion box were really below the belt! I mean, why
drag my mother into this?
Henry in Love
Frank, moaning that no one likes him: I've gotten thank-you notes from
people I said I'd never see again.
For Want of a Boot
Margaret: They love you, Frank.
Frank: It was their hatred that fooled me.
For Want of a Boot
Frank on Hawkeye: There's your lounge lizard at war.
Trapper: That one I gotta write down.
Crisis
Trapper: That's an order!
Frank: A captain can't give a major an order!
Hawkeye: Then it's a threat.
Frank: Well, that's different. This was a great war until you guys showed
up!
Crisis
Frank: It's my metabolism. I'm hypo-thyroid. Very low blood-pressure, very
low body temperature.
Hawkeye: That comes from being dead for two years.
Crisis
Hawkeye: Hello, Frank.
Trapper: Hi Frank.
Frank: A lot you care.
A Smattering of Intelligence
Frank: I'm a pretty fair doctor myself. Ask any of my patients!
Hawkeye: We can't dig people up just for that.
Rainbow Bridge
Trapper: Hi, Frank.
Frank: That doesn't scare me a bit.
Officer of the Day
Trapper: Bye, Frank.
Frank: That was totally uncalled for!
Officer of the Day
Frank: What I don't understand is why do people take an instant dislike to
me?
Trapper: It saves time, Frank.
O.R.
Hawkeye: Hello, Frank.
Frank: I've heard that before.
There's Nothing Like a Nurse
Frank: I have never cared, and at this point I don't care twice as much as I
never cared before!
A Full Rich Day
Frank: Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head.
Mad Dogs and Servicemen
Frank: I'm taking this to a higher authority.
Trapper: Aw Frank, you're not gonna call your mother again!
Mad Dogs and Servicement
Frank: Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
Bulletin Board
Trapper: Hello, Frank. How are you?
Frank: That's pretty big talk.
Big Mac
A Korean on Frank: I don't know his name. He had what we call in Korea a
real fertilizer face.
Payday
Frank: I'm sick of hearing about the wounded! What about the thousands of
wonderful men who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the
glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?
Hey Doc
Frank: I wouldn't mind being a doctor if I didn't have to be around sick
people.
Soldier of the Month
Margaret: Everybody has to die sometime.
Frank: You'd think they'd give officers a break.
Soldier of the Month
Hawkeye: Hi, Frank.
Frank: That's what you think.
The Gun
Margaret: You lied to me, Frank! That's worse than stealing!
Frank: Well, I happen to think that stealing is worse than lying!
Margaret: And you did both!
Frank: So I oughta know!
The Gun
Margaret: Well, at least you regretted it.
Frank: Never again. When you steal something, never try to return it.
The Gun
Frank on his wife: She worships the ground I walk on!
Potter: Who told you that?
Frank: My mother.
Mail Call Again
Frank: My mother and father never got divorced. I'd have done much better
coming from a broken home.
Mail Call Again
Frank on the phone to his wife: Houlahan? Well, we have a Major Houlahan,
but that's laughable! Ha! I mean, Major Houlahan's an old war horse! ... She
looks like an army mule with bosoms!
Mail Call Again
Frank: Your picture's in my wallet and I'm sitting on it, and if that's not
love then I don't know what is!
Mail Call Again
Frank: I think it was Napoleon who said, "Without discipline, an army is no
more than a bunch of guys all wearing the same colour clothes."
Potter: Napoleon?
Frank: Could have been Mussolini.
The Novocaine Mutiny
B.J.: On the very first day, Frank observed that the M in MASH stood for
Mobile. So, he had us break down the entire unit and move it across the
road.
The Novocaine Mutiny
Frank: The way I see it, unless we each conform, unless we obey orders,
unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no possible way we can remain
free.
The Novocaine Mutiny
Frank: Have a nice time, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!
Potter: I don't know that I'd want to do anything you would do.
The Novocaine Mutiny
Frank: It was one of those days that, more than most, reminds us that war,
no matter how much we may enjoy it, is no strawberry festival.
The Novocaine Mutiny
Frank: I won't let you down, Sir.
Potter: There's no way that you could.
Some 38th Parallels
A North Korean to Frank: Go back to your camp! It's the best thing you could
do for our side!
The Korean Surgeon
Hawkeye: Frank was once the innocent victim of possession. Through some
tragic error they exorcized the nice guy and left that.
Exorcism
Frank: Why don't you guys like me, huh?
Hawkeye: 'Cause you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person.
Frank: Aside from that.
38 Across
Frank: I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage, no matter how ugly
or disgusting it gets!
Dear Sigmund
Frank: What are you doing here, pipsqueak?
Radar: I'm leaving, sir.
Frank: Don't make excuses, just get out.
Hawkeye: Frank, why don't you swallow your face?
B. J.: He did, that's why he looks that way.
Frank, as Radar leaves: What was he doing in here?
Hawkeye: Something you wouldn't understand, Frank.
B. J.: He was talking intelligently.
End Run
Frank: Margaret, thank you.
Margaret: For what?
Frank: For being you. You know what I love most about you?
Margaret: Tell me.
Frank: Your lobes. They drive me wild.
Margaret: Oh, be wild, Frank! Be wild!
Frank: Would you like to slip into something a little more comfortable?
Margaret: Like what, Frank?
Frank: The supply tent.
Margaret: Yes yes yes yes yes!
To Market, to Market
Margaret, playing "I'm in the Mood for Love": This song gives me goosebumps.
Frank: I'm the same way about "Pennsylvania 6500."
Sometimes you hear the Bullet
Margaret: I am a woman!
Hawkeye: Is that true, Frank?
Kim
Margaret: Are you happy, Frank?
Frank: Happy? I'm with you, ten thousand miles from home, in war-torn Korea.
I'm the happiest man in the world.
Margaret: So am I.
Frank: You're really so beautiful the way the sun lights up the hair in your
ears.
Margaret: Oh Frank, do you know how exciting you are?
Frank: It takes one to know one.
Kim
Radar, reading Hawkeye's evidence: "Dear Mrs. Burns, since you're so proud
of your husband as an officer, it is sad to report that he is frequently out
of uniform, and maybe you should know with who."
The Trial of Henry Blake
Margaret: Frank, be honest. You really think of me as a bag of desirable
bones.
Frank: Of course, Margaret!
Margaret: I have a mind, Frank - a mind and a brain!
Frank: Of course you do! Let me kiss your brain!
Dear Dad Three
Margaret: I have nothing, Frank! Nothing!
Frank: Am I nothing, Margaret?
Margaret: You're government issue, Frank. You came with my messkit and my
khaki girdle.
Frank: What? So much for Frank Burns!
Margaret: And after you're home, I'll only be a smile on your face your wife
won't understand.
Hot Lips and Empty Arms
Margaret: Frank, is that your knee?
Frank: I thought it was yours.
Margaret: Well, as long as it's ours.
Henry in Love
Margaret, giving Frank a gift: It was my father's in the cavalry.
Frank: A riding crop!
Margaret: My mother gave it to him on their wedding night.
Frank: Oh, Margaret, you're a dreamboat! Giddy-up!
For Want of a Boot
Frank: Give me a man when he's 28 and he's mine for life.
Margaret: Oh, Frank! For a moment there, you looked like you had a chin!
Welcome to Korea
Frank: They're trying to catch us at something.
Margaret: We're not doing anything.
Frank: Oh yeah. Who'd'a thought?
Hey Doc
Frank: What has he got that I haven't got?
Margaret: Lips!
Margaret's Engagement
Margaret: She's a little young for you, isn't she, Major Burns?
Frank: Oh, I don't know. I thought a little youth might be nice for a
change.
Margaret's Engagement
Hawkeye: He's no Donald Penobscott.
Margaret: In some ways, Donald is no Frank Burns.
Fade Out, Fade In
ESolomonso
>news:mk_5c.6783$CJ5....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net...
>> Any good online sources for memorable Frank Burns quotes?
>
"Oh, Margaret, every time you talk it gets my gumption up."
"Every morning when that flag goes up the pole, I go with it."
"Intelligence is something I try to avoid."
"Nobody wants to go fella. We all know it's brutal at the front, especially
those of us at the rear. There's nothing wrong with you, see? (Shows Carter his
chart) It's all in your head. But don't get the idea it's psychological. Heh!
I'm not buying that old combat fatigue dodge. No. You're going back into the
front line, soldier. The army doesn't care about your head. Just get the enemy
in the crosshairs and blast away."
"Foreigners. Why are there so many of them in a war?"
"My neighborhood is not restricted. There's a Catholic right up the street."
"The next time I see you, I want to see a shine on those high heels."
"Oh, Margaret, I'd find you attractive even if you were naked."
"I like the way the sun lights up the hairs in your ear."
"As you all know, tonight, Colonel Blake will resume his command after a week
in Tokyo. Now, unless I made a few remarks about my recent stint as your
temporary Supreme Commander, I would be derelict in my "officiousness." I think
you'll all agree that by trying to introduce more discipline, more order, I
have hopefully made this a more enjoyable war for all of us. Leadership is a
lonely business. Your Napoleons, your Kaisers, your Atillas, the Hun, were all
alone there in the front office, as I have been this week. I have thought of
you, and, oh, you have thought of me, but some of the notes in the suggestion
box were really below the belt. I mean, why drag my mother into this?"
" Well, uh, that's about it. Uh, Corporal, deform the men."
"It's nice to be nice to the nice."
Eddie
======================================
If you need me, I won't be anywhere.
news
"ESolomonso" <esolo...@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
news:20040317233857...@mb-m03.aol.com...
> >"King Pineapple" <saddl...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
> >news:mk_5c.6783$CJ5....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net...
> >> Any good online sources for memorable Frank Burns quotes?
> >
> Eddie
> ======================================
> If you need me, I won't be anywhere.
what is the one we franks says "it ok to do thing alone as long we all to
it together"
peter
ESolomonso
>Date: 3/18/2004 12:09 AM Eastern Standard Time
>what is the one we franks says "it ok to do thing alone as long we all to
>it together"
>peter
FRANK
Normal is everybody doing the same thing.
TRAPPER
What about individuality?
FRANK
Well, Individuality's fine, as long as we all do it together.
news
"ESolomonso" <esolo...@aol.comnospam> wrote in message
but one thing?
if not anywhere , will be somewhere?
LTterp
"Oh Margaret, I'm willing to forgive, I'm willing to forget -- because its
something I'll always remember". This is followed by one of my favorite
Houlihan lines "Oh Frank, you're so above average". (Alcoholics Unanimous)
Frank: -- oh you - you....
Hawkeye -- "who you calling a you-you?" (Yankee Doodle Doctor)
Margaret: I got something in mail call today too, Frank (holding out sexy shoe)
Frank: Oh Margaret, your toe straighteners came!
Klinger (about his cold creme): Its creme de menthe
Frank: Oh my wife uses that too ----- on her corns.
(Crisis)
"Margaret ----- I think I'm surging"
"I don't like to be around when rules are broken".
(Deal Me Out)
"Mommy? Mommy who?.....ohhhh my Mommy"!!!
"Stand by for the blessing!"
(Bug Out)
Frank: "Will that be all, sir?"
Potter: "Nothing comes after Amen"
Frank: "Oh. We used to sing."
(Bug Out)
Frank: The men hate me, don't they corporal?
Radar: Just your guts sir.
(Alcoholics Unanimous)
"Apples don't grow on tress you know!"
Hawkeye: Beej, does he look like a weasel to you?
BJ: Who?
Hawkeye: Ferret face!
Frank: What is this?
Klinger: Bingo sir! Nazareth put me over!
Frank: Those are coffee beans. We're facing a possible food shortage and
you're playing with people's beans!
"I'm here on the American plan. I eat in an American mess, I shop in an
American PX. All I want to do is save these people and go home!"
Linda T.
P.S. -- can anyone help me to remember which episode the "Margaret, I think I'm
surging" line is from? Thanks.
ShandaRose
correct here, I know)
I wanna see you outta that dress, soldier
Klinger: not on a first date
or something
(2 hours sleep, here -- brain not cooperating)
(anybody want a few cats who are driving me nuts??????????? they're good for
entertainment purposes or dinner, whichever)
Shanda
____________________________________________________
The best way to get even is to live a good life.
PAUL GADZIKOWSKI
: P.S. -- can anyone help me to remember which episode the "Margaret, I think I'm
: surging" line is from? Thanks.
It's from 'Abyssinia Henry'.
The initial airing of which, by the way, today is the 29th anniversary of.
Paul Gadzikowski, scar...@iglou.com since 1995
http://www.sff.net/people/scarfman/new.htm New cartoons most days
"winter of my discontent"
ShandaRose
times:
Unless we all conform, unless we follow our leaders blindly, there is no
possible way we can remain free. ~Frank, "Novocaine Mutiny"
I sent it to my sister once, a die-hard liberal, and she now uses it also on
some liberal boards LOL
oh: btw: if you want some good Mash quotes, including some from Frank, here
are some from Andy Lawson's web site:
Captain Infinity
**
Captain Infinity