Ann-Margaret talks about Lucille Ball
Gymd...@webtv.net
...I was once happy. That was BEFORE I appeared on a "Here's Lucy"
episode. Now this was when I was on top of the world.
Everyone wanted to have me on their show. I can understand why. I was
the toast of Broadway, starring in several motion pictures and had
numerous hit records. Now unlike most celebrities I had never heard
about Lucy. I assumed it would be like on "The Lucy Show," or "I Love
Lucy." Little did I know. I showed up on the set in my fabulous lamb
suede and cashmere coat.
Right way Lucie Jr ran up to me and asked me if she could be in my show.
I said "You are in the show." She said "Not THIS show, your show." I
said "Why of course, "what do you do?" Lucie Jr replied "Lucy is my
mother." I said "No dear, what is your talent." She looked at me all
confused like and repeated "Lucy is my mother." Apparently Lucie Jr
thought having Lucille Ball as her mother WAS having a talent.
Then Lucie Jr went on how she loved me on the Flintstones. Apparently
that was the only place she saw me on. The Arnaz kids were not very hip.
I didn't quite know what to say, the Lucie Jr said "would you like me to
introduce you to the others." "Yes," I said. Then she said, pointing to
her breasts, "Well now these are my honkers, they drive all the men
bonkers." She then said "These are my eyes. Aren't they beautiful." I
looked at her plain brown eyes and said sarcastically "yeah, no one has
BROWN eyes." Lucie Jr then "introduced me" to her legs, her arms, her
"virginal" twat." What a nerd she was. But I told her I would have
something written for her. She was SO pathetic.
She walked away without anyone introducing me to a human. She was all
weird like though. Then Desi (senior) came in . He asked to borrow
thirty bucks.
I looked astonished at him and said "But aren't you worth millions?"
Desi went on to explain to me that Lucy ripped him off. Only giving him
$25.00 for his share of Desilu. He said it was in English and he didn't
read English. (Which should have been even as Lucy could barely read
English either.) Well Desi lied to me, but not by much. Later I found
out Lucy didn't give him $25.00 she gave him $250.00. Which he promptly
spent on hookers.
Just to get him off my back I gave him the $30.00. He looked at me all
ashamed and said "No, I's can't a take dis. Bowring ain't right. Why
dunt you gives it to me outright." Then he walked off. So basically he
just "stole" $30.00 from me. When I told him I expected it back, he
muttered that if I was dead I couldn't collect.
I looked around thinking how rude it was no one was there to greet me
then I saw her. I heard that Lucille Ball had a "timeless" beauty and
that was true. Lucy had a face that could stop a clock.
She was horrible looking. She was in a daze, walking around in her bra
and panties. Her enormous gut hung over her panties. Her breasts were
only being held up by this enormous gut. They looked like two hard door
knobs resting on this massive gut. Her legs were fat. Let's face it she
had elephant legs. Her hair was white and red. Patches of it were
missing. She was bald in places. On her face her skin sagged down. She
had more chins than a Chinese phone book. She was looking for Fred and
Ethel. She was clutching a purse in one hand and had a fifth of bourbon
in the other. Clearly she was "out of it."
Desi walked up to her and asked to borrow money from her. Lucy said "You
are always asking for money. Get a TV series. Go back to Mexico." (I
later learned that Lucy was a Communist and that is why she called Desi
a Mexican) Desi replied "but I's so hungry." Lucy looked at him and
snarled "Oh go root thru through the garbage." Desi than ran over to the
garbage and started eating out of it.
Desi Jr saw me and ran up to me. "Hey," he said "Can you buy me some
liquor?" I looked disapprovingly at him and told him he was just a child
and shouldn't be drinking. He looked at me and said "Fuck you cunt." And
with those dirty words he left.
Well I just about had enough. I walked over to Lucy. She didn't even
know who I was. Of course, I doubt she knew who she was. She said "Who
are you, one of Desi's tricks?" That is right. Me, one of the biggest
stars she ever had on her show and she thought I was a common
prostitute.
I said "Look Lucy Desi just asked me to buy him liquor." Lucy snarled,
"That damn Mexican. It's bad enough he brings trash like you around.
I'll fix him." I then realized she thought I meant Desi Sr. I said "No
Lucy I meant Desi Jr. And I am Ann-Margaret. Not a slut." I am the toast
of Broadway. In films and records. She looked at me all blank like. I
said "I was on the Flintstones." Then she knew me. Then this idiot asked
me what it was like to work with Fred and Wilma. She thought they were
real.
I said "Enough Lucy, your son just asked me to buy him booze" Lucy then
looked at me "Well did you give him any," she asked. "Of course not," I
replied. Lucy then said "Good on you, stick with them money." She then
continued. "Just give me the liquor." I told her I didn't have any
liquor. She got enraged. "You know guest stars bring gifts to me. I want
that liquor."
When I pointed out she still had half a fifth of bourbon in her hand,
she took a swig and passed out on the floor.
She fell so fast and hard her fat ass cracked the tile. She didn't look
like she was breathing so I called for help.
Gary Morton came running over. "What's up?" He said. I said, "Lucy
passed out, I don't think she is breathing." With that Gary bent over
and looked around then opened her purse and took all the money out of
it. He then ran off.
Lucy was still passed out so I said "Can someone help?" Desi Jr came
over looked at his mother passed out and then stepped on her fat stomach
to get the bottle of bourbon (still about half full). He took a swig
from the bottle and ran off with it.
Lucy STILL passed out. I didn't see anyone and I said "Help." Desi Sr
came over, he had bee eating out of the garbage and had coffee grounds
and trash all over his face. He looked at his ex-wife. "Is she out of
it." he asked. "Yes," I said. With that Desi Sr bent over her, I thought
he was going to give her CPR but instead he took her gold necklace off
her neck and the rings off her hand. He then ran off.
I figured OK I will have to help her. So I bent over to give her mouth
to mouth, but before could she regained consciousness sat up and
projectile vomited all over me, completely ruining my lamb suede and
cashmere coat.
Well that was enough. Lucy called for Willie Mae, she was her black
maid. She yelled "Hey Nigress, Get your black ass over here."
"I's a comin' bwana," said Willie Mae. Willie Mae ran over and started
to wipe up Lucy. I said "What are you going to do about my jacket Lucy?"
Lucy said she would take care of it. She tried to get up but kept
slipping in her own vomit.
What a nightmare. It only got worse after rehearsals started. Would you
believe they paired me up with Desi Jr. There was a supposed seduction
scene. Desi Jr. and myself were on the couch during this rehearsal. I
said "Do you know what to do with this scene?" He said "Sure," then he
jumped off the couched got on all fours on the floor and pulled off his
pants. "I do this with dad and Caesar (as in Romero) and all his
friends."
I don't know what was worse. The fact Desi Jr was being molested by his
father and friends or Desi Jr.'s fat hairy ass. It was disgustingly fat
and hairy.
Lucy walks by and throws this old bathrobe at me. "Here this makes us
even." she said. "For what?" I asked. "For your coat." "Lucy," I said
"This is a worn out bathrobe. It looks like the one Vivian Vance wore on
'I Love Lucy.'" Well that's just what it was. Do you believe this bitch
gave me a tattered old bathrobe to replace my lamb suede, cashmere coat?
And then she said "You can keep the coat, with my vomit on it, it only
makes it more valuable." What an ego this cow had.
Then she looked at Desi Jr. still on all fours with his fat, hairy ass
exposed. "Hey if you're fucking my son I don't have to pay you. Gary
this bitch is fucking Desi Jr. we could have gotten her without paying
her." "Lucy," I implored "I am not having sex with your son." Lucy
looked down and at her kid and looked at him disgustedly and said "With
that hairy ass I don' blame you. He gets that from that fat Mexican."
Then she just walked away. Gary ran over and said "Look Margaret, I have
100 people that will swear you are trying to fuck Desi Jr. either do the
show for free or we will sue you for child molestation." I was
astonished.
But then Desi Sr. came over to Gary. "Hey can I borrow some money." He
looked down at Desi Jr. and said "Pull up your pants boy. Caesar ain't
around. He gets that hairy ass from his mother." Gary looked annoyed and
walked off. Desi Sr. followed him "Geez Gar, c'mon just thirty bucks."
Desi Jr pulled up his pants, then looked at me and said "You gonna buy
me some beer now bitch." I told him in no uncertain terms I wouldn't
purchase alcohol for a minor. "Well then fuck you cunt." He then
threatened to have me killed.
I was so flabbergasted then Lucie Jr came up to me. "Oh by the way
Lucie," I said "I have the part for you." I handed her the script. Lucie
Jr looked at it and said "This is only half a page." I said "Well it is
a part. I had it written for you." She threw it at me and said "That is
just a stale little part. I should have the lead." Well this couldn't be
after all it was the Ann-Margaret show, how could she be the lead? She
said "If I don't get to be the lead her mother would 'Fix' me but good."
When I asked here why she needed to be the lead she said "Because I got
talent." When I asked her who said this she said "My mother." And then
she walked off and yelled "Mother, this bitch only gave me a little
part. But I should have the lead as I got talent." Lucy came over to me
and screamed "Listen bitch keep out of my business. Now that brat will
think she is talented. I ought to kill you."
This was such a fucked up family. Well finally it was the night when we
had to do the show. Gary was out front trying to tell jokes to warm up
the audience.
Unfortunately Gary was plain old bad. He wasn't funny at all. Well he
was funny looking but that wouldn't help. He was reading jokes out of a
book he checked out of the library. "These are funny jokes. It says so
on the cover. Now laugh you idiots."
Then a voice came out of the audience "Lucy is a bitch." Gary screamed
back "She is not." The voice again said "My daughter is a bitch." That
is right, it was Lucy's mother DeeDee. "Lucy is a bitch."
Gary came over to DeeDee where she was seated in the front row. He
grabbed her by the throat and started to throttle her. He was socking
her in the throat.
But DeeDee was screaming "Lucy is a bitch." I saw this and was about to
go over and help poor DeeDee. But then Wilbur Hatch the music director
said, "Here we go again." He called for Lucy.
I told Lucy that Gary was beating up her mother. Lucy told me to stop
interfering in her family and if I didn't she'd kill me." I said that I
would not stand by and let an old women be throttled.
Lucy told me to relax and handed me a drink. Then Lucy pushed me aside
and ran out to her mother. Because Lucy had no make up and was still in
her underwear no one in the audience knew it was Lucy.
She got to her mother and said "Hold her Gary." Then Lucy started to gut
punch her mother. "Take it back," screamed Lucy. "No I won't you're a
bitch," said DeeDee.
I saw this and put the drink down [without drinking from it]. Wilbur was
as disgusted as I was, but warned me not to interfere or Lucy would keep
me from ever working again.
I was going to go over and help DeeDee but in the first place despite
there being two of them Gary and Lucy were making a rather poor showing
of bashing DeeDee and secondly Wilbur said "OH, I've been poisoned,"
then he fell over dead. He ad drunk the drink Lucy gave me. Almost
instantly he died.
I then realized it was the drink that killed him and Lucy had meant that
for me. Yes it is the truth Lucy tried to kill me!
At once Gary let go over his mother-in-law and seeing what happened said
"There is a fire everyone out of the studio." DeeDee fell on the floor
and fat Lucy stepped on her face trying to get out.
Here is what happened. Gary cleared the studio and he and Lucy had
Wilbur's body cremated to cover up the crime. When the coroner wanted to
know why they didn't let him autopsy him they said the body had already
burned up. But seeing my civic duty I went to the coroner and told him
the truth.
So we had to go to court. Now even though there was NO fire in the
studio, all the studio audience testified there was, as did all the
staff. I was puzzled. But I testified to the truth on how she killed
Wilbur and tried to kill me too. But she was found innocent.
I was so shocked until I left the courtroom and saw 150 new Cadillacs.
That is right, Lucy had bribed all the studio audience with Cadillacs
and bribed all 50 staff members with new cars. She was such a bitch.
Of course she swore to ruin my career and unfortunately I never did
recover. My gig in Las Vegas was immediately cancelled and I never did
achieve the level of stardom I deserved. Why? Because of that bitch
Lucy.
Scot...@webtv.net
Davy McGlawn
<Scot...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:5904-3FA...@storefull-2193.public.lawson.webtv.net...
RJ
Why did YOU take the time to read it????
Scot...@webtv.net
bother you for some reason?
Ltb3105
>
>Why did YOU take the time to read it????
>
YOU took the time to respond!!!
