A reimaging of Gilligan's Island....and how much do you hate Ginger? Comments welcome.
Dr.Smith
THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER POSTED HERE. COMMENTS WELCOME.
Lets play a game. Taking the original characters from Gilligan's Island
lets write new backstories for them. I'll start.
The Professor: Age 30-35. (Roughly based on 'Cyril Figgis' from "ARCHER").
Bio-weapons designer working secretly for the CIA, MI-5, Ronco, etc. that
has engineered a particularly virulent case of small pox that can, if
released kill the population of the world in days. He was on the boat or
plane transporting this weapon to another secret location to safely be
locked away. Throughout the series he keeps it hid in different locations.
He is a quiet and conservative, stoic man of few words and mostly
communicates through subdued facial expressions. He tends speak only when
his ideas require speech, but is friendly. Actually somewhat handsome and
masculin his quiet manner is from shyness. His primay antagonist is Ginger
(crack whore, pole dancer) who think he is hiding drugs and want some. Oh
yea, I almost forgot he's a Blackbelt too.
Ginger: Age 40. Looks older. Real name Diane Knowles. Crack smoking pole
dancing whore, stowed away on the boat (or plane, in todays world not
likely), when cornered by drug dealers she owed money too, also half the
population of the port where she plied her trade had judgments against her
and wanted their money damn it. Lives with sister Missy in Missy's humble
apartment. She was on the boat to see off her sister Missy Knowles. Ginger
spends most of her time trying to find crack and giving 'favors' (and crabs)
to different guest stars (and camera men, directors, set custodians, deli
truck drivers) for alcohol or drugs. Formally lived in empty refrigerator
box in Jacksonville, Florida. and had an actually legit job at Red Lobster
at one point, until it changed managers and she found that she could no
longer seduce the new strait female manager. In flashbacks, often wakes up
in the mornings with strange guys on top of her. (DISCLAIMER: REMEMBER THIS
IS FICTIONAL BACKSTORY)
Missy: Age 30.Real name T.L. Knowles. Looks younger and more girlish due
to her glasses, clothes and hair style that hides her physical attributes.
Missy is a character based on Mary Ann from the original series. She has a
heart of gold and volunteers her time to the homeless. Missy grew up closer
to home than her much older sister Ginger. She has spent the last several
years taking care of Ginger and trying to help Ginger put her life on a
strait coarse, much to detriment of her own life. While she is not a
virgin, she has only been serious with men she has had real feelings
(sometimes misplaced) for. Has had previous boyfriends, never really found
Mr. Right. On one occasion she came home unexpectedly from work at the
homeless shelter and found her boyfriend on top of a passed out Ginger.
Although much more attractive then her sister, she hides it by dressing
acting more conservative then Ginger (loud mouth hoe). In flashbacks Missy
and Ginger's mother name is revealed to be Mary Ann.
Missy was on the trip after having taken advice from a friend to take a
brief vacation from Ginger. Although not possessing much of a formal
education past high school, she is quiet intelligent and learns quickly.
She will in the coarse of the series gravitate toward the Professor and they
will become somewhat of common site together. There is no actually romance
that occurs between them, but the occasional awkwardly, shy way they act
toward each other gives away the fact they are very attracted toward the
other. I see them finally coming together when they are rescued in a scene
that goes something like this: As they all stand at the railing of the
rescue boat watching their former island home slowly grow smaller against
the setting sun, the other characters look out to sea, but Missy and the
Professor standing next to each look at each other slowly smile, say nothing
turn their heads and watch the sunset with the others, the camera pans down
and behind them, and silhouette against the setting sun is their hands
holding each other. (I go for the subtle stuff). The camera slowly
withdraws upward keeping on the characters as the boat moves under it, then
pans upward toward the darking purplish red sky. Final Credits start.
Gilligan: Age 26. Real name Winston Giles Whitecracker. Somewhat
dimwitted 'wigger', Gilligan is the youngest character and was first mate
onboard the 'Sea Minnow'. He got this position because his father
(deceased) and the 'Skipper' served together in the military, and fought
closely in the first Gulf War (were his father was killed). He was at the
helm when the boat crashed into a reef in a storm and washed ashore on an
island somewhere in vicinity of Bermuda. The reef was charted but he was
preoccupied with getting a 'hummer' from the stowaway (Ginger) he had found
to notice it on the chart. Gilligan sees himself as a chick magnet, being a
'wigger' he is of course dislusional. Shortly after wrecking the boat he
had tried a little too hard to put 'the moves' on Missy. Missy was
unreceptive and he became more pushier. When the professor attempted to
peacefully intervene, Gilligan underestimated the soft spoken, nerdy
professor and took a swing at him. The professor sidestepped, grabbed
Gilligans arm and broke it. Gilligan spends the first couple of episodes
with a thatched, palm cast on. Gilligan and Ginger are common site
together, if just to balance out the Professor and Missy. Gilligan often
talks longingly about missing his 17000 watt car stereo, 24 inch rims on his
2003 Caprice, and his favorite rappers, whom he claims to actually know
personally. This actually helps the other castaways to appreciate some
aspects of the island as it does not have 17000 watt car stereos, oversize
rims, beat up rattling 2003 Caprices, or rappers. However they must still
contend with the misadventures of Gilligan and his old hoe on a regular
basis. Gilligan spends much of his waking hours scratching his itchy
crotch.
Skipper: Age 50. Real name Joey Hazelwood. Former sergeant in US military
retired. Veteran of Granada and Desert Storm. Captain of the cruise boat
'Sea Minnow', drinking enthusiast, and now slightly doughy, but still a
brawler, after indulging in his past time for several years. On the evening
of the storm Skipper was just coming off of all day drunk and decided to
delay the eventual hangover until the morning by staying drunk. Not
expecting foul weather, he left Gilligan to man the helm. Not having a
serious relationship since his divorce he has some knowledge of most of the
party girls around their home port. He recognizes Ginger, but cant remember
her name having just spent a few minutes and few bucks with her in an alley
behind a dumpster, a few party girls back. Ginger recognizes him, but has
issues remembering his name for the same reasons. Skipper and Gilligan's
father (Sgt. Phillip Fry Whitecracker) served together in Desert Storm.
They were good friends and liked to raise hell together when on leave.
Phillip had saved Skipper on one occasion from a lobbed grenade. Both man
survived but Phillip was killed several days later, and there was nothing
Skipper could do to save him. He had been guilt ridden since then. When
Gilligans troubled mother was institutionalized, he took it upon himself to
help Gilligan, by giving him a job that would keep him close by. He has
tried to be a father to him but had too many issues himself. On top of his
issues he now has a wrecked boat, and lost and stranded group of passengers
he is responsible for. One of the story lines will be his redemption. He
may even die in the last episode saving everyone. Have one of those Cowboy
Bebop finale moments.
Thurston & Lovey: Ages 60 & 58. Real names Thurston Howell III and wife
Eunice Wentworth Howell. Thurston is a recently retired bus driver and
Eunice is retired Wal-Mart receipt checker. They have both retired from
their jobs because they had won a 235 million dollar lottery in recent
years. After having been married since their 20's, the total transformation
of their lives due to the windfall has caused them to grow apart. The lives
they led up until the lottery win kept them together and in love if not
always confortable. They suspect each other of infidelity, which the
presence of Ginger will not help. In an attempt to keep their marriage
together they decide to take a long around the world cruise, but instead of
flying to the departure port they take a small coastal cruise boat, the Sea
Minnow, between the nearest port to home and the cruise liner port. THERE I
EXPLAINED WHY THEY HAD ALL THE LUGGAGE!!. Their stay on the island having
to survive will bring them back together in the end. They come to find out
that neither of them had been unfaithful.
Funkbuster
> THIS IS A COPY OF A MESSAGE THAT I HAD POSTED ON ANOTHER NEWSGROUP. I
> THOUGHT IT WAS BETTER POSTED HERE.
Then why didn't you post it here to begin with?
Oh, wait, you did, a few weeks ago. Why did you repost it then?