Match Game parody I wrote (PLEASE READ!)
Kent Broyhill
but be reminded of the game show plots on various TV Sitcoms in which
characters from that particular show appear as game show contestants,
often leaving us ROTFL! On The Golden Girls, we have had two game show
spoofs; the Grab That Dough ep. with Jim McKrell (Celebrity
Sweepstakes), and the hilarious Jeopardy! dream sequence with Alex
Trebek and even Merv Griffin himself! What I was thinking, especially
since Betty White was a recurring guest panelist on Match Game '7X, that
maybe in a Golden Girls reunion special (if one should ever be made);
that it would be funny to have a flashback sequence (much like the
scenes with a young Dorothy and Estelle Getty sans her Sophia makeup)
was featuring Rose as a Match Game '7X contestant long before moving to
Miami with the other girls.
(Following a clip of the "Grab That Dough" episode)
The girls have been discussing their appearance on the show, while
eating cheesecake as they usually do. So far that is that, until Rose
makes a surpising announcement:
DOROTHY: Appearing on that show was an experience I will never forget.
First, we couldn't find a hotel room, then we won zippo on that Game
Show. Looks like that will be our first and last appearance on ANY game
show!
ROSE: It wasn't MY first.
DOROTHY: Rose, you never to us you were on a game show before that?
Why didn't you? Did you lose or something?
ROSE: No, actually I won! $5,600 to be exact!
SOPHIA: Oh my God, the world is coming to an end!
BLANCHE: What show were you on?
ROSE: I was a contestant on Match Game-- way back in 1973!!
SOPHIA: YOU ARE KIDDING!!! I loved that show, however, I don't
remember seeing you on there.
DOROTHY: That show was a madhouse I don't think any of us will ever get
over!
BLANCHE: Could you tell us about it?
ROSE: Well, I....
From here, the flashback begins, and the screen fades into the orange
"flipper" Match Game was famous for.
(cue the Match Game "wank" music)
JOHNNY OLSON: Get Ready to Match the Stars!
(start turning flipper)
Johnny Whitaker!
Brett Somers!
Charles Nelson Reilly!
Ann B. Davis!
Richard Dawson!
and Betty White!
As the orange flipper turns to reveal the stars on the panel, several of
the are holding blue answer slips with messages written on them. The
flipper eventually stops turning as usual
JOHNNY OLSON: As we play the big-money, star-studded, Match Game '73!
The sign lights up and the main theme blares through the studio. The
set lights up and the sign is lifted as the doors prepare to be opened.
JOHNNY OLSON: And now, here's the star of Match Game
'73.............GENE RAYBURN!!!!!
The doors open and Gene makes his entrance. He walks over to the panel
tier, standing next to Ann B. Davis. She hands Gene his trademark long
microphone.
(cheers and applause fro audience)
GENE: Thank you! Thank you Johnny Olson, and friends! Welcome to
Match Game '73! I hope we have a good group today!
(panel members ad lib comments reinforcing this fact)
GENE: This week, we're having two new stars appearing on the show for
the first time, so would you join us in a big Match Game welcome-- for
Johnny Whitaker and Ann B. Davis!
Cheers and applause from audience. Sounds of screaming girls are
faintly heard.
GENE: Wait a minute! Did I just hear screaming girls in the audience?
This is definitely a Match Game first!
JOHNNY: We'll, I'm kinda used to it!
GENE: Sigmund and the Sea Monsters....
Johnny tells us about his show. FYI, I never watched this show more
than about five times in my life (all reruns), but I have enough of an
idea about it to know what was going on. Go figure! :)
At the end of Johnny's description, he mentions the show's creators, Sid
& Marty Krofft. (I never was much of a Krofft fan either!)
CHARLES: I did a show with them.
GENE: Hey, that's right!
JOHNNY: You were on Lidsville!
CHARLES: I played the evil wizard Hoo Doo (maybe telling a little more,
time permitting)
GENE: That was quite a performance.
BRETT: He was basically playing himself!!!
Laughter and a few more comments are thrown in.
GENE: Just out of curiosity, how old are you Johnny?
JOHNNY: Thirteen. I'll be 14 on December 13th!.
Gene wraps this up and proceeds to move on to Ann B. Davis.
GENE: Richard, would you make this lovely lady feel welcome?
RICHARD: (to Ann B.) You look like the cover of Vogue! You're
beautiful!
In trademark fashion, he smooches her! Ann then laughs as he does so.
GENE: Now let ME see what kind of a kisser she is! (He gives her HIS
trademark kiss)
GENE: As many of us know, Ann is known to millions as Alice from the
Brady Bunch. Would you mind telling us about it?
ANN B.: First of all, you not going to ask me how old I am?
GENE: No, I won't!
Ann then tells Gene how things are going so far, and her experience on
The Brady Bunch. Richard even points out her role as Schultzy on Love
that Bob. Other panelists may also throw in a few comments.
GENE: Well, it's great to have both of you on the show!
ANN B.: I'm really looking forward to it!
GENE: You will find Match Game a most thrilling and amusing experience!
BETTY: Except for the fact that Brett cheats!
Brett shoots back a Betty in reaction to this comment. Eventually,
eveybody gets settled, and Gene proceeds to start the game.
(flashforward-- back to present-day Miami)
ROSE: and then...
DOROTHY: Rose, why can't you get to point! All you've talked about was
the opening of the show.
SOPHIA: She NEVER gets to the point of anything!
ROSE: I'm sorry to keep rambling! Okay, here's how it went...
Flashback to Match Game '73. The turntable is turning. bringing Rose
around sitting at her podium. Theme music is also playing.
GENE: Would you join us please. in welcoming "Rose Nylund" to our show.
Cheers and applause from both audience and panel. The turntable and
music finally stop, and Rose's opponent takes her seat at the opposite
podium. Gene does a double take when he sees Rose for the first time.
GENE: Hello Rose, how are you?
ROSE: Just fine!
GENE: It may just be me, but don't you agree that Rose bears a strking
resemblance to Betty White, who happens to be sitting over there?
BETTY: And is my Mother going to be surprised!
ROSE: People are ALWAYS telling me that, but I don't think I look
anything like her.
ANN B. : I would take it as a compliment!
GENE: She's right, Betty is in fact a very nice-looking lady!
So Rose, would you mind telling us a little about youself?
ROSE: I'm from St. Olaf, Minnesota....
(She continues telling about herself. Can't really think of anything to
put down as far a dialogue is concerned. Gene then notices something
funny.)
GENE: What are these?
(picks up a book of matches)
GENE: MATCHES???!!!!!
ROSE: I was going to strike them, aren't we supposed to?
GENE: Rose, you don't play our game by striking matches.
BETTY: Then we do they call it "MATCH" Game?
The audience laughs hysterically. Gene is applled by Rose's comment,
and Brett looks at her with a "what the hell is wrong with her?" look,
but politely says nothing.
GENE: Have you ever actually watched our show before?
ROSE: I watch it every day.
GENE: If you do, you should know remotely how our game is played. I
given each contestant two fill-in-the-blank questions, and the object is
for the contestants to come up with the same answer, or MATCH as our
stars over there. (points to panel tier)
ROSE: Oh! So you mean I "match" answers with them?
GENE: There you go!
ROSE: Like matching clothes when you get dressed?
GENE: Exactly!
BRETT: Something Charles doesn't know how to do right!
GENE: Not like "matches" you strike.
A match is heard striking very loudly. Turns out that it's Charles,
lighting his ever-famous pipe.
GENE: Et tu, Charles?
The madness starts to cool down and Gene is ready to start the game.
At this moment, I can only think of two questions-- one I wrote myself
and one that was used on the show. I'm not trying to steal any ideas--
as you probably know, "The Brady Bunch Movie" and its sequel were are
90% scenes taken directly from the show. Like these movies, I would
like for this to be like a parody of the funniest MG eps. So far, I
think it has!
GENE: Congratulations Rose, you're our new champion! Come on over with
me!
He takes Rose over and bids her opponent goodbye, who is absolutely
furious! She complains, yells, and screams about her defeat and Rose's
victory as the turntable takes her off and brings around Super Match.
GENE: Time to play the big-money Super Match, where you can win over
FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!... ....We polled a recent studio-audience, and
got their response to this....
BETTY_______
Now the most often given response is worth $500 (lights up), the second
most-often given response is worth $250 (lights up), and the third
most-often given response will give you $100 (lights up).
Gene truns to panel tier, noticing that Richard has walked off.
GENE: Where is Richard?
CHARLES: He's in the bathroom!
GENE: He coudn't have picked a worse time to...
CHARLES: Richard is on a mild diuretic, and therefore, is prone to
these unfortunate little emergencies!
BRETT: When he comes back, don't jump all over him!
GENE: Well, it looks like Richard wont be with us this time. Anyway,
three of our other stars will be of some assitance.
ROSE: Betty....
BETTY: Your looking at her, "Betty WHITE"!
GENE: Who else?
Being as dumb as she is, Rose calls her next celeb. by the name of a
character he played, like a child who can't tell the difference between
an actor and a TV character.
ROSE: Jody...
(she gets laughed at again!)
GENE: There's nobody on our panel named Jody. Who do wish to have
assist you?
ROSE: (pointing to Johnny) He's Jody!
JOHNNY: No I'm not, my name is Johnny!
ROSE: Why did they call you Jody on "Family Affair"?
JOHNNY: I think you're a little confused. Jody, was a fictional
character, and Johnny is my real name.
(Brett coughs three times)
See there?
(he points to the panelist id with the circle and triangle)
CHARLES: If she called you "Tom Sawyer", we'd REALLY be getting
worried!
BRETT: Be easy on her, sweetheart! She's from St. Olaf!
JOHNNY: I've never been to St. Olaf, but I sure have heard a lot about
it!
BRETT: That goes for both of you!
GENE: Let's get back to business, shall we?
Johnny, what is your answer to "Betty BLANK"
JOHNNY: I WAS thinking of "Betty White", but that one was taken.
BRETT: By Betty herself!
JOHNNY: How about "Betty BOOP".
GENE: "Betty BOOP", there's another one.
ROSE: Ann...
ANN B.: Oh Thank God! I was afriad you were going to call me "Alice"!
JOHNNY: I just explained that to her.
ANN B.: Let me see...
(thinks for a minute)
"Bette DAVIS"
GENE: "BETTE DAVIS" Okay Rose, you have "Betty White", "Betty Boop",
and "Bette Davis". Select one of these, or you may come up with your
own answer.
ROSE: I'll have to go with "Betty White".
GENE: Let's see if it's up there... slide it, Earl!
BETTY_____
$500:
$250: BOOP
$100: DAVIS
GENE: Now, may be see the $500 response....
(Richard is now back from the restroom, and announces his arrival with a
bang.)
RICHARD: SURVEY SAAAAAAIIIIIIDDDD!!!!!
BETTY____
$500: WHITE
$250: BOOP
$100: DAVIS
GENE: My goodness! That was a boisterous return on Richard's part.
JOHNNY: One things for sure. Richard Dawson is no Mr. French!
(more laughter)
RICHARD: (arm around Betty) She deserves that announcement! Betty's a
class act, worth every penny!
GENE: Okay Rose, you've won $500, which means you'll play for ten times
that amount, or $5,000. (amount lights up on neon sign above door) To
collect the $5,000, you must select one of our celebrities, and match
that star Head-to-Head. Which celebrity do you pick?
ROSE: Betty...
BRETT: I knew it!
Gene reads the phrase. The answer is as obvious as "Cukoo_____" (from
an actual ep.), and "____ Car Willie" (from one of Howard Stern's
parodies). I could use a few suggestions for this one! Anybody have
any?
Betty writes her answer down, shakes her head, and throws away her
answer slip. She starts over again. When Betty finishes, Gene asks
Rose for her response. Rose gives a very stupid answer, much like the
infamous "Cukoo, Friend, and Ollie" woman!
Gene loses cotrol of himself, starts laughing uncontrollably, and runs
around the set trying to come to his senses. The audience and panel are
in hysterics, too. Brett is laughing so hard she almost lands in the
floor! Richard Dawson bangs his fists on the table as he is laughing
too. Gene finally make his way to the panel tier, as he tries to
contain himself. Ann B. Davis stands up for a second as he does so.
(BTW, THIS IS BASICALLY A REINACTMENT OF THE INCIDENT I DESCRIBED IN THE
ABOVE PARAGRAPH!)
After everbody comes to their senses, Gene asks Betty for her answer.
Ironically, Betty's answer matches, and Rose wins the $5,000!
Rose walks over to Betty, and she congratualtes her. We get a really
cool double exposure camera shot with Rose Nylund & Betty White in the
same picture! Gene then asks the burning question:
GENE: Now ladies, do you for some reason happen to have ESP flowing
between you?!
As we go into the next game where Rose is defeated, so far the only
thing I have come up with is a surprise appearance by the kids from "The
Brady Bunch", especially since Ann B. Davis ("Alice") is on the panel.
They could sit on the stage and play along for a couple of questions;
much like Carol Burnett, Vicki Lawrence, Tim Conway, and Jim Nabors did
on the Match Game '78 ep. in which they stopped by.
Finally, Rose is defeated. Gene congratulates her for the $5,600 she
won, and tells her goodbye. From here, we go back to present-day
Miami, as Rose has finished telling about her experience as a Match game
'7X contestant a quarter of a century ago!:
SOPHIA: That was quite a story!
DOROTHY: Rose, why didn't you tell us about this before?
ROSE: For one thing, I never really thought about it. Also, I didn't
think any of you would believe me!
BLANCHE: We'd believe you. You never needed to worry about that,
despite some of the comments you've made over the years!
ROSE: I would give ANYTHING to see those shows again!!!
If I HAD these shows, I'd send them to her ASAP! However, Rose Nylund
is only a fictional character herself and these episodes came right off
the top of my head. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions, or questions
that can be used in this sketch, please post to a.t.g-s. (My mailbox is
getting pretty full as it is!)
If a "Golden Girls" reunion never comes about (which is more than
likely, given the actresses ages), this sketch could be used in a
"Saturday Night Live"-type setting.
I hope everybody enjoyed my Match Game parody! I'm sure we all enjoy
it! :)
Any thoughts?
Kent Broyhill
Paul Duca
alt.tv.game-shows..
Paul Duca--the Supercharged MSTie
#56954
Live in New York City once...but leave before it makes you hard
Live in northern California once...but leave before it makes you
soft
Kent Broyhill
forgot to put them in!
GENE: (to Rose) Since you are the challenger, you get the first
selection. Do you want "A" or "B"?
ROSE: "B" please.
GENE: "B" is is!
(reads question)
"Kojak said, (imitating Telly Salavas) `You won't believe this baby, but
everytime I put on a wig, I look exactly like BLANK' "
The panel starts writing down their answers, and Gene goes over te
question with vaious panel members. They make additional comments as
well. When everyone has finished, Gene turns to Rose to re-read te
question.
GENE: "Kojak said, (imitating Telly Savalas) You won't believe this
baby, but everytime I put on a wig, I look exactly like....' "
There are two possible answers I am considering. One is "Kojak with
hair" (a classic Rose response), the other is "Brett" (I'm leaning more
towards this one). Which one do you think will be funnier?
GENE: Johnny, what did you come up with?
JOHNNY: I said, that everytime Kojak wears a wig, he looks like none
other than, "YOURS TRULY" (answer slip reads "Johnny Whitaker")
(buzzer sounds)
GENE: You wrote your own name?
JOHNNY: It's a good answer! Everybody's always talking about my hair!
CHARLES: He's Little Orphan Annie's long-lost brother!!!
Johnny starts laughing so hard he almost falls out of his seat! When he
finally comes to his senses, Gene proceeds with the game.
BRETT: I WAS going to say Gina Lollabrigida, but then I realized that
she's Italian and he's Greek, so I said "PAUL NEWMAN"... I'm sorry,
Rose! Cute as a button! (booing heard from audience)
Don't knock Paul Newman, honey!
CHARLES: There were so many answers, all I could say was that he looked
like "HELL!" (buzzer sounds)
Gene re-reads question.
ANN B.: I mean no offense to Telly Savalas, but I said he looks like "A
WOMAN"! (buzzer sounds)
RICHARD: When Telly pops on the old wig... he looks like "CHER".
Here's a picture. (he holds a cartoon-like drawing of Cher's head)
(buzzer sounds)
GENE: Let's go over to Betty White
Betty's answer, whichever of the two mentioned above, scores a match.
The green triangle lights up on he nameplate, and one in Rose's
score-marker.
Rose's second question:
GENE: "Last week, Dumb Dora came down with a stomach bug. To make
matters worse, she tried to use BLANK to cure it!"
The process repeats. When everyone has finished writing their
responses, Gene re-reads the question to Rose, and she gives her
answer."
ROSE: "Bug Spray"
Her answer matches all five of the remaining celebs in some form or
another, giving her six matches. Her opponent only has three. When
the opponent is given her question, she fails to match the one celebrity
required for her to stay in the game, and Rose wins!
Jekalb329
sometimes. He....
>
>GENE: (interrupting) This week, we're having two new stars appearing on the
show for the first time, so would you join us in a big Match Game welcome-- for
>Johnny Whitaker and Ann B. Davis!
>
heard.)
>
>GENE: Wait a minute! Did I just hear screaming girls in the audience?
>This is definitely a Match Game first!
>
>JOHNNY: We'll, I'm kinda used to it!
>
>GENE: Sigmund and the Sea Monsters....
>
>than about five times in my life (all reruns), but I have enough of an idea
>
>(At the end of Johnny's description, he mentions the show's creators, Sid
>& Marty Krofft. (I never was much of a Krofft fan either!)
>
>CHARLES: I did a show with them.
>
>GENE: Hey, that's right!
>
>JOHNNY: You were on Lidsville!
>
>GENE: That was quite a performance.
>
>BRETT: He was basically playing himself!!!
>
>(Laughter from audience)
>
>GENE: Just out of curiosity, how old are you Johnny?
>
>JOHNNY: Thirteen. I'll be 14 on December 13th!.
>
>Gene wraps this up and proceeds to move on to Ann B. Davis.
>
>GENE: Richard, would you make this lovely lady feel welcome?
>
>RICHARD: (to Ann B.) You look like the cover of Vogue! You're beautiful!
>
>(In trademark fashion, he smooches her! Ann then laughs as he does so.)
>
>GENE: Now let ME see what kind of a kisser she is! (He gives her HIS
trademark kiss)
>
>GENE: As many of us know, Ann is known to millions as Alice from the Brady
Bunch. Would you mind telling us about it?
>
>ANN B.: First of all, you not going to ask me how old I am?
>
>GENE: No, I won't!
>
>(Ann then tells Gene how things are going so far, and her experience on
>The Brady Bunch. Richard even points out her role as Schultzy on Love
>that Bob.)
>
>GENE: Well, it's great to have both of you on the show!
>
>ANN B.: I'm really looking forward to it!
>
>GENE: You will find Match Game a most thrilling and amusing experience!
>
>BETTY: Except for the fact that Brett cheats!
>
(Gene starts the game)
>(flashforward-- back to present-day Miami)
>
>ROSE: and then...
>
>DOROTHY: Rose, why can't you get to point! All you've talked about was
>the opening of the show.
>
>SOPHIA: She NEVER gets to the point of anything!
>
>ROSE: I'm sorry to keep rambling! Okay, here's how it went...
>
>Flashback to Match Game '73. The turntable is turning. bringing Rose
>around sitting at her podium. Theme music is also playing.
>
>GENE: Would you join us please. in welcoming "Rose Nylund" to our show.
>
>Rose is sitting in the triangle position. Cheers and applause from both
audience and panel. The turntable and music finally stop, and Rose's opponent
takes her seat at the opposite
>podium (circle). Gene does a double take when he sees Rose for the first
time.
>
>GENE: Hello Rose, how are you?
>
>ROSE: Just fine!
>
>GENE: It may just be me, but don't you agree that Rose bears a strking
>resemblance to Betty White, who happens to be sitting over there?
>
>BETTY: And is my Mother going to be surprised!
>
>ROSE: People are ALWAYS telling me that, but I don't think I look anything
like her.
>
>ANN B. : I would take it as a compliment!
>
>GENE: She's right, Betty is in fact a very nice-looking lady!
>
>So Rose, would you mind telling us a little about youself?
>
>ROSE: I'm from St. Olaf, Minnesota. I grew up on a salt and vinegar potato
chip farm. (Gene then notices something
GENE: Let's begin Round 1. Rose, since you are the challenger, you go first A
or B
ROSE: B
GENE: B, she says. New Game and everyone plays.
(
Dumb Dora is so dumb!
AUDIENCE: HOW DUMB IS SHE?
GENE: Dumb Dora is so dumb that instead of putting gas in her car, she puts
<BLANK> in her car.
(wank music plays, Gene repeats Question)
ROSE: I don't know if I can say this on televison, but, ALCOHOL! (definitive
answer)
GENE: OK, Johnny W! What did you put for an answer?
JOHNNY: Golly gee! I'm too young for liquor, so the only thing I could say is
MILK!
(0-0)
BRETT: Well, I'm too old for alcohol, so I said the difinitive thing....BOOZE
GENE: Judges?
(1-0 Rose)
KIM (Rose's opponent and champion): Hey, booze is a synonym.
GENE: Why yes, synonyms count in this round. (Kim gets mad)
CHARLES: I said, "for all you do the king of beer is coming through! This
ALCOHOL is for you!"
(2-0 Rose)
ANN: Remember when Carol's ex-husband came to the house and we cook dinner? I
put mushrooms in his dinner, so I put mushrooms here.
(2-0 Rose)
RICHARD: (in a Scottish accent) Ethyl Alcohol
(3-0 Rose)
BETTY: The only thing I could think of is ALCOHOL
(4-0 Rose)
GENE: Now, we go to our champion KIM with A and here goes
(Monica said: That coke machine at the White House is so out whack that when I
stick a quarter in a <BLANK> comes out)
(wank music, Gene repeats)
KIM: Condom (definitive answer)
JOHNNY: When I was living with my Uncle Bill, I learned about the birds and the
bees from Mr. French, and told me about TROJANS.
GENE: judges?
(BZZZZ) (Boos from the audience)
GENE: TROJAN is a brand name and KIM said Condom so that's not a match!
(4-0 Rose)
BRETT: I said RUBBER
GENE: judges?
(BZZZZ) (Boos from audience)
GENE: I'm sorry. A rubber could be anything ranging from a tire to plastic
ware.
CHARLES: Well, I said "prophylactic"
GENE: judges?
KIM: Bzzz me and I'll sue!
(ding)
(4-1 Rose)
ANN: Of all the nipple twisting that went on in Marcia and Greg's attic. I
had to say Condom.
(4-2 Rose)
RICHARD: The old Trojan, Sheik, and Lifestyles.....CONDOM
(4-3 Rose)
BETTY: I prefer the old Red Chief. Sometimes Allen (Mr. Password) puts on....
GENE: Just show us your answer!
BETTY: Condom
(4-4)
GENE: So, at the end of Round 1, the score is tied 4-4. Now, we've got these
messages for you so pay attention!
GENE: We're back for Round 2 (final) and Kim, start us off--A or B
KIM: A, please
GENE: OK, listen up! Only Johnathan and Brett play this round because Kim
match the rest of you.
<BLANK> TRACY
("porno" think music from MG '76 plays)
GENE: Ok, Kim, John and Brett are ready <BLANK> TRACY
KIM: The only thing I could think of was my ex-husband and he was a DICK.
ROSE: He was a private detective?
KIM: No, ding dong! He was a DICK DICK! His name was SPENCER as in SPENCER FOR
HIRE?
GENE: who?
KIM: SPENCER
GENE: Ok, Spencer it is...
JUDGE: (over PA) uhhh, sorry Gene; her first answer was DICK and we must accept
that.
KIM: My ex-husband was a DICK and my answer is SPENCER.
BRETT: But you said DICK first! DICK, DICK, DICK, DICK, DICK!
KIM: Ok, then DICK!
BRETT: I thought you're answer was SPENCER!
GENE: Ok, we're taking SPENCER! I HAVE POWER SUPREME! The JUDGE works for and
bows to MEEEEEE! This is 1973 and you can't say DICK on television!
(audience yells and cheers with excitement)
Whatcha got, Johnny?
JOHNNY: (boldly and smiles a la Jody from "Family Affair") DICK!
(BZZZZZZZ) You can't bust me! I'm a minor!
(4-4)
BRETT: Well, I've been busted from the television police and good gravy, I said
SPENCER TRACY!
(5-4 Kim)
GENE: All Right, Rose! The score is 5-4 in favor of Kim. You're question is B
and here's the situation: You need 1 to tie and 2 to win! JONATHAN and ANN B,
our newbie, plays this time and everyone else sits out.
<BLANK> RIOT
(wank music, Gene repeats)
ROSE: Oh dear, I'm drawing a <BLANK>
RICHARD: Whew! For a moment, I thought you were going to strike a match!
ROSE: Oh, I would never do a thing like that the Fire Marshall would be very
unhappy!
GENE: Rose, we need an answer for <BLANK> RIOT!
KIM: Come on, Rose! Gosh, It'll be 1999 before you come up with an answer!
ROSE: Be QUIET!
GENE: Quiet Riot? Isn't that a homonym?
ROSE: No, it's an oxymoron!
GENE: Don't call me a moron?
ROSE: No, an oxymoron is something I learned in SCHOOL!
GENE: WHAT? (turns up hearing aid)
ROSE: SCHOOL
JOHNATHAN: WoW! That's my favorite place to be: SCHOOL
(5-5)
GENE: Ann B. Davis, it's all up to you! Do we go to a tie breaker or is Rose
the new champ?
ANN: Well, I'm always telling Greg, Peter, and Bobby to be QUIET (groans from
audience), BUT, I'm always telling Marcia, Jan, and Cindy to stay in SCHOOL!
(audience cheers)
(ROSE wins 6-5)
>GENE: Congratulations Rose, you're our new champion! Come on over with me!
>
>He takes Rose over and bids her opponent goodbye, who is absolutely
>furious! She complains, yells, and screams about her defeat and Rose's
>victory as the turntable takes her off and brings around Super Match.
>
>GENE: Time to play the big-money Super Match, where you can win over
>FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!... ....We polled a recent studio-audience, and
>got their response to this....
>
>BETTY_______
>
>Now the most often given response is worth $500 (lights up), the second
>most-often given response is worth $250 (lights up), and the third
>most-often given response will give you $100 (lights up).
>
>Gene turns to panel tier, noticing that Richard has walked off.
>GENE: Ok, for $5000 <BLANK> Car Willie
>Betty writes her answer down, shakes her head, and throws away her
>answer slip. She starts over again. When Betty finishes, Gene asks Rose for
her response.
>
ROSE: The only thing I could think of is RACE
>Gene loses cotrol of himself, starts laughing uncontrollably, and runs
>around the set trying to come to his senses. The audience and panel are
>in hysterics, too. Brett is laughing so hard she almost lands in the
>floor! Richard Dawson bangs his fists on the table as he is laughing
>too. Gene finally make his way to the panel tier, as he tries to
>contain himself. Ann B. Davis stands up for a second as he does so.
>After everbody comes to their senses, Gene asks Betty for her answer.
>Ironically, Betty's answer matches, and Rose wins the $5,000!
>
>Rose walks over to Betty, and she congratualtes her. We get a really
>cool double exposure camera shot with Rose Nylund & Betty White in the
>same picture! Gene then asks the burning question:
>
>GENE: Now ladies, do you for some reason happen to have ESP flowing between
you?!
>
>GENE: For added attraction, we have a the crew from The Brady Bunch singing
"Sunshine Day" and here they are!
>
Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marcia, Jan, and Cindy appear at center stage where Gene
enters and Bobby croons out
BOBBY: "I think I'll go for walk outside now, the summer sun's calling my
name....."
Suddenly,
In the CBS control booth, we hear drums over the PA followed by a guitar and
suddenly, IT'S KEVIN DUBROUGH from (you guessed it)
KEVIN: "CUM ON FEEL THE NOISE! GIRLZ ROCK YOUR BOYS! WE'LL GET WILD, WILD,
WILD! WILD! WILD! WILD! HEY!!!! SO YOU THINK MY SINGING'S OUT-OF-STYLE, IT
MAKES ME MONEY! AND I DON'T KNOW WHY! I DON'T KNOW WHY!......
GENE: Gene Rayburn Match Game '73... Goodbye
(as QR sings) JOHNNY OLSON: This is Johnny Olsen speaking for Match Game '73.
A Mark Goodson/Bill Todman Production. Stay tuned for "Secret Storm" NEXT over
most of these CBS stations!
>On the next program, Rose is defeated. Gene congratulates her for the $5,600
she
>won, and tells her goodbye. From here, we go back to present-day
>Miami, as Rose has finished telling about her experience as a Match game
>'7X contestant a quarter of a century ago!:
>
>SOPHIA: That was quite a story!
>
>DOROTHY: Rose, why didn't you tell us about this before?
>
>ROSE: For one thing, I never really thought about it. Also, I didn't
>think any of you would believe me!
>
>BLANCHE: We'd believe you. You never needed to worry about that,
>despite some of the comments you've made over the years!
>
>ROSE: I would give ANYTHING to see those shows again!!!
>
>If I HAD these shows, I'd send them to her ASAP! However, Rose Nylund
>is only a fictional character herself and these episodes came right off
>the top of my head. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions, or questions
>that can be used in this sketch, please post to a.t.g-s. (My mailbox is
>getting pretty full as it is!)
>
>If a "Golden Girls" reunion never comes about (which is more than
>likely, given the actresses ages), this sketch could be used in a
>"Saturday Night Live"-type setting.
>
>I hope everybody enjoyed my Match Game parody! I'm sure we all enjoy
>it! :)
>
>
>FROM Jekalb329 (a.k.a. THE BLAKEMAN)
ep99...@oak.cats.ohiou.edu
> Thanks for pitching in anyway! Despite my criticism, I found it to be
> absolutely hilarious! Would anyone else on this newsgroup have any
> ideas, questions, etc.? If so, I really would like for you to pitch in
> for me and post them here! :)
>
> Any thoughts?
I'm not a Golden Girls fan, but when it comes to a potential dumb Super Match
answer that both would do, I can recall one Betty was forced to give in the
audience match section when she was called third for "Bee BLANK." "Hive" and
"Sting" were taken so she said deadpan "SWAX" (Beeswax).
Eric Paddon
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
Kent Broyhill
(snip)
Some of his ideas I find useable, but I do have a little criticism here.
First of all, there are WAY too many anachronisms, such as the Quiet
Riot song at the end (which didn't come for at least ten years
afterwards), as well as the referances to "Spencer For Hire" and "The
Brady Bunch Movie"; not to mention Monika Lewinsky! I am setting this
in the Fall of 1973, and would like to keep everything true to the
period, more or less! Also, he seemed to turn my two guest panelists
into characters that they played rather than the real-like actors that
the really were. Remember what Johnny was explaining to Rose about
himself?! :-D
Last but not least, some parts of his revision (particularly the "DICK"
portion), seemed to be drifting into Howard Stern's "Private Parts"
parody of Match Game. In other words, this would not be airable on a
"Golden Girls"-type reunion. I would like to keep this down to a TV-PG
rating at least!
Thanks for pitching in anyway! Despite my criticism, I found it to be
absolutely hilarious! Would anyone else on this newsgroup have any
ideas, questions, etc.? If so, I really would like for you to pitch in
for me and post them here! :)
Any thoughts?
Kent Broyhill
sonic...@my-dejanews.com
it (and a pretty funny one at that) .. I'll just concentrate on "Power People
Jeopardy" (long story, better not explain it).
> (as QR sings) JOHNNY OLSON: This is Johnny Olsen speaking for Match Game '73.
> A Mark Goodson/Bill Todman Production. Stay tuned for "Secret Storm" NEXT
over
> most of these CBS stations!
Does anyone have a similar file of an announcer ID'ing the succeeding show
like this? Sounds like something I'd like to hear...
Chico Alexander
host, 'net Cardsharks
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Lot/5562
Monkey boy of ATG-S, AFP-R, and AFKITH
CA (was) in NJ
>Does anyone have a similar file of an announcer ID'ing the succeeding show
>like this? Sounds like something I'd like to hear...
On GSN every night. The MG74s announce Tattletales coming next, which it
does on GSN. Darn clever.
--
**********************************************************************
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
**********************************************************************
sonic...@my-dejanews.com
mailand...@cainnj.REVERSE_TO_REPLY (CA (was) in NJ) wrote:
> sonic...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> >Does anyone have a similar file of an announcer ID'ing the succeeding show
> >like this? Sounds like something I'd like to hear...
>
> On GSN every night. The MG74s announce Tattletales coming next, which it
> does on GSN. Darn clever.
Actually, I would watch MatchGame every night, except the 3,479 letters to
Time Warner Of Fayetteville to drop a HBO and put on GSN have proved to no
avail. =(
Justin Dyer
>From here, the flashback begins, and the screen fades into the orange
>"flipper" Match Game was famous for.
>(cue the Match Game "wank" music)
I liked your parody. I do think that our British friends on the other
side of the pond were quite amused by your reference to "wank music."
LOL!!!!!
---Justin Dyer
One of the "losers" on alt.tv.game-shows
Justin's Game Show Shrine
http://www.negia.net/~justind/shrine.html
Remove capital letters to reply via e-mail:
jusAB...@nDEFegia.nGHIJet
