"Space Pilot 3000 (1ACV01)" Episode Capsule Part 3
Jordan Eisenberg
robot (Bender...don't I sound corny?) activate the suicide booth.]
% The suicide booth is aparently still in use. Inside ...
Robot: Come on! come on! Kill me already! [To Fry] By the way, my
name's Bender.
Fry: Help! What's happening?
% The booth's various weapons each jump into the center of the booth,
% slashing and zapping in an attempt to kill their customer, which Fry
% and Bender manage to avoid. As a final knife extrudes forwards and
% twists in the air, the voice returns.
Voice: You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-N-Drop, America's
favorite suicide booth since 2008.
% The hatch opens, and Fry stumbles outside trying to catch his breath,
% as Bender kicks the booth.
Bender: Lousy, stinking ripoff. [To Fry] Well I didn't have anything
else planned for today. Lets go get drunk!
% Meanwhile Leela's five minutes are up. She's thawed out, and resumes
% her counting, but gives up when she realizes what happened. She is
% given the same melodramatic greeting that Fry got, but she replies
% with "Shut up, Terri." She later reports to her boss.
Boss: This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and
install his chip.
Leela: Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery
boy. I'd really rather not force it on him.
Boss: Well, thats your job, whether you like it or not. And it's my
job to make you do your job, whether I like it or not ... which
I do. Very much. Now get to work! [Leela leaves dejectedly]
Ah, Life is good.
% Bender and Fry are drinking at a local pub. Fry watches Bender take a
% drink of Olf Fortran Malt Liquor.
Fry: Why would a robot need to drink?
Bender: I don't _need_ to drink, I can quit any time I want. [burps a
flame of fire] So they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man,
that's as bad as my job.
Fry: Really? What do you do, Bender?
Bender: I'm a bender. I bend girders. That's all I'm programmed to
do.
Fry: You any good at it?
Bender: You kiddin'? I was a stud. I could bent a girder to any
angle. 30 degrees, 32 degrees, you name it. 31 ... But I
couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were
for.
Fry: What?
Bender: Suicide booths. [throws his empty bottle down his throat]
Well Fry, it was a pleasure meetin' ya. I'm gonna go kill
myself. [gets up to leave]
Fry: Wait! You're the only friend I have.
Bender: You really want a robot for a friend?
Fry: Yeah, ever since I was six.
Bender: Well, okay, but I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals
so if anyone asks, you're my debugger.
Fry: [sees Leela outside the pub's window] Oh no, its the cyclops!
[Bender turns to look] Don't look! Don't look!
Bender: [condescendingly] I'm not looking.
% Bender obviously _is_ looking, because his eyes slide forward to about
% three times their original length as he faces Leela. Outside, Leela
% shows a photograph of Fry to a pedestrian. The man points to Fry
% through the Pub window, and Fry and Bender quickly run away. Leela
% activates her wrist-radio and states "This is officer 1-BDI,
% requesting backup." The cop on the other end of the conversation (who
% is actually right behind her) replies "We'll be there in five
% minutes."
% Bender and Fry run down the street, as Bender spots a museam. Bender
% decides to hide in the museam because it's free on Tuesdays, and as
% the two of them duck around a corner inside, they meet Leonard Nimoy's
% head in a jar. There are rows of other heads in the room behind him.
Nimoy: Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy.
Fry: Spock? Hey ... uh, do the thing! [presents the Vulcan 'live
long and prosper' sign]
Nimoy: [chuckles] I don't do that any more.
Fry: This is unbelievable! What do you heads do all day?
Nimoy: We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of
quiet dignity.
% Just as he says this, a woman announces "feeding time" and comes to
% sprinkle fish food into Nimoy's jar. He darts his head around to
% munch on the food, as Leela and her two backup officers pound on the
% museam's front door. Fry and Bender try to hide their faces among
% other heads in jars, but are quickly discovered.
Leela: I'm sorry, Fry, but I have to install your career chip.
Fry: Yeah, well, if you're sorry, then why are you doing it?
Leela: Its my job. 'You gotta do what you gotta do.'
% Fry backs away from Leela, but bumps into several head jars in the
% "Wall of U.S. Presidents," causing Nixon's to fall and break. Nixon's
% head uprights itself in a puddle of water, and informs Fry "You just
% made my list!" before jumping up and biting Fry's arm.
Fry: Stop it! Down boy! Bad president!
% The two other cops approach and don light-saber-like weapons.
Cop 1: Alright buddy, step away from the head.
Cop 2: I'm gonna get 24th century on his ass.
% Fry and Bender are beaten with light sticks.
Leela: Please officers! There's no need to use force!
Cop 2: Let us handle this, weirdy.
Leela: Oh come on, he's just a poor kid from the stupid ages.
Cop 1: Keep your big nose out of this, Eyeball!
Leela: [angry] No one makes fun of my nose!
% Leela jump-kicks the first cop, and then attacks the second cop.
Cop 2: [on the floor] Damn.
Leela: You guys were totally out of control.
Cop 1: Its our job, we're peace officers!
Cop 2: Yeah, you know the law. You gotta do what you gotta do.
% This appears to have an effect on Leela, as we rejoin Fry and Bender,
% who've found hideout in the Hall of Criminals and locked the door.
% Bender thinks they're trapped, but Fry sees the prison bars blocking
% one window, and has an idea.
Fry: Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of
here if you just bend the bars.
Bender: Dream on, Skin Tube. I'm only programmed to bend for
constructive purposes. What do I look like? A de-bender?
Fry: Who cares what you're programmed for? If someone programmed
you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?
Bender: I'll have to check my program. [pauses] Yep!
Leela: [banging on the door] Open up!
Fry: Come on, Bender. Its up to you to make your own decisions in
life. Thats what separates people and robots from animals,
and ... animal robots.
% Bender remarks "You're full of crap, Fry" and walks away, but his head
% gets stuck to a wire hanging from the ceiling, and his circuits get
% scrambled. He turns back around and says "You make a persuasive
% argument, Fry," then tries for the prison bars. As Fry cheers him on,
% Bender repeats that he can't do it, but finally, two of the bars snap
% off.
Fry: Yes!
Bender: [proudly] You were right, Fry! From now I'm gonna bend what
I want, when I want, who I want. I'm unstoppable!
% He holds the two broken bars high in the air, but both of his arms
% fall out of their sockets, clanking to the ground.
Bender: Aww.
% End of Act Three. (5:57)
% Once Bender gets his arms put back on, Leela breaks into the room.
% Fry and Bender slip through the window, and Bender bends two of the
% remaining prison bars inward so that Leela can't follow them. Leela
% cries sincerely for them to wait, but they don't listen.
% Bender and Fry find themselves in an alleyway and decide to escape
% down a grate in the pavement. Bender stretches his arms and brags
% "Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate," but Fry simply
% lifts it open. Bender looks disappointed as they climb down, but he
% returns once more and bends the bars on the already-open grate for his
% own amusement. Apparently, the ladder leads down to a city of ruins.
Fry: Good lord, what is this?
Bender: It's the decaying ruins of Old New York. Welcome home, pal!
Fry: [exploring the ruins] It's my old neighborhood. Man this
brings back a lot of memories.
Bender: Keep 'em to yourself, pops.
Fry: [dreamy] This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very
first date.
% Through Fry's eyes, the scene transforms into New York of 1999, where
% Fry and Michelle are ice-skating in central park. The bright colors
% morph back into decaying ruins, and Fry and Michelle are replaced by a
% huge, tentacled monster which dives back into the mud.
Fry: [stunned] My God, she's gone! Everyone I ever knew or cared
about is gone.
Bender: Wait. Theres someone you know. [he points off-screen, and we
see Leela standing prominently beside them]
Fry: [to Leela] Aw, can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable
enough already.
Leela: Look, I know its not much consolation, but I understand how
you feel.
Fry: No, you don't. I've got no home, no family ...
Bender: ... no friends!
Fry: My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it
feels like to be so alone.
Leela: I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole
planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby, and I don't
even know which galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to
be alone.
Fry: Look, Leela ... I don't understand this world, but you
obviously do, so I give up. If you really think I should be a
delivery boy, I'll do it.
% Fry clenches his face as he holds his hand out. Leela takes out her
% clamp-like device again and prepares to inject Fry, when she instead
% pries it into her own hand, and her own career chip comes out.
Fry: Your chip! What are you doing?
Leela: Quitting.
Fry: Why?
Leela: Because I've always wanted to. I just never realised it until
I met you.
% Fry and Leela touch hands, then Bender slams his hand on top.
Fry: [annoyed] What is the matter with you?
Bender: I just wanted to be part of the moment.
Leela: Hey, he stole my ring!
Bender: Sorry. [returns it to her] [obnoxiously] Well that solves
the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink!
[he takes three liquor bottles out of his chest compartment,
but drinks all three at the same time]
Leela: I don't want to spoil the party, but we're all job deserters
now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go.
Fry: Correction: we're unemployed, but we have a doddering old
relative to mooch off of! [holds up a picture of his nephew]
% Professor Farnsworth snores in front of his television. On screen,
% Dick Clark's head is in a jar, speaking to the camera: "Hello, I'm
% Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special Year 3000 edition of New
% Year's Rockin' Eve." The doorbell wakes the professor, as our
% fantastic trio waits outside.
Professor: [answers the door] Who are you?
Fry: I'm your dear old uncle Fry.
Professor: I don't have an uncle Fry.
Bender: You do now. [pushes his way through the door]
% Profesor Farnsworth uses what is apparently a DNA-matching device to
% validate Fry's claim. When the test comes back positive, he thinks
% it's absolutely incredible, and after Bender's request for money is
% rejected, we follow them into the professor's laboratory.
Professor: Let me show you around. That's my lab table, and this is
my work stool, and over there is my intergalactic
spaceship. [gestures unenthusiastically] And here's where
I keep assorted lengths of wire!
Fry: Whoa, a real live spaceship.
Professor: I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the
different lengths of wire I used!
% The door is pounded on yet again, and Cop #1 speaks. "Attention, job
% deserters! Come out with your hands up. We have you partially
% surrounded." The crew is shocked, and Bender is so scared that he
% literally [drops] a brick. Outside, Richard Nixon's head (being
% carried by one of the peace officers) instructs "Get those bums!"
Bender: Well we're boned.
Leela: Can't we get away in the ship?
Professor: I suppose it is technically possible. ... though I _am_
already in my pajamas.
% The group makes their way into the ship, and Fry dons the controls
% first. "I'll get us out of here" he says as he presses a few buttons,
% but all the ship does is pour Fry a hot cup of coffee.
Professor: Can anyone drive stick?
Leela: I can, as long as I don't have to parallel park.
% Outside, the police are preparing an offense as the ship prepares to
% leave. Cop #2 instructs "If they try to take off, give em' an ass
% full of laser" to the other cop, who's sitting in the controls of a
% rocket-like weapon. Back in the spaceship ...
Leela: Prepare for liftoff. 10 ...
% The countdown for liftoff coincides with that of the New Year's Eve
% countdown. Scenes of celebration are shown from around the world,
% as each one recites a number counting down to the new millenium. The
% countdown is completed by those in New New York.
Terri: Fire.
Leonard Nimoy: Four.
Professor: Three.
Bender: Two.
Leela: One.
Fry: Blast off!
% The ship leaves orbit as fireworks fill the sky. Nixon yells at the
% cops to fire, but the fireworks in the sky block their vision. Cop #1
% says "I can't see nottin'. Pretty, yo." Meanwhile, in the spaceship,
% signs of relief and cheers of celebration can be heard now that
% they're safely out in space.
Fry: So I guess without jobs we'll be fugitives forever.
Professor: Not neccesarily. Are you three by any chance interested
in becoming my new spaceship crew?
Bender: New crew? What happened to the old crew?
Professor: [sadly] Oh, those poor sons of ... [brightly] But that's
not important. The important thing is, I need a new crew!
Anyone interested?
Fry: Yes! Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted!
Leela: Thanks for the offer, professor, but we don't have the
proper career chips.
Professor: Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it I saved
the chips from my previous crew. [shakes them out of an
envelope labelled "Contents of Space Wasp's Stomach"]
Fry: This is awesome. Are we gonna fly through space fighting
mosters and teaching alien women to love? [grins smugly]
Professor: If, by that, you mean transporting cargo, then yes. It's a
little home business I started to fund my research.
Fry: Cool! What's my job gonna be?
Professor: You'll be responsible for insuring that the cargo reaches
it's destination.
Fry: So, I'm ... gonna be a ... delivery boy?
Professor: Exactly.
Fry: [long pause] Alright!
... I'm a delivery boy!
% The ship flies away into space as the music plays.
% End of Act 4 (6:43)
========================================================================
= Contributers =
{aa} Amid Amidi {jj} Jeff Johnston
{db} David Brunt {jj2} John Jenson
{dh} Dave Hall {jk} Joe Klemm
{dr} Dave Rout {meh} Mark E. Hardwidge
{ds} Dave Sweatt {pb} Paul Brinkley
{ec} Ellen Cohen {pm} Paul Melnyk
{gw} Gary Wilson {tjm} Theodore Jay Miller
{hl} Haynes Lee {tpe} Todd Paul Emerson
{jg} Jeremy Gallen {yd} Yuri Dieujuste
========================================================================
Futurama and its characters belong to ===== First posted : 07-Apr-1999
FOX. Please do not confuse them with ===== Last revised : 07-Apr-1999
fans of the show, such as the people ===== E-mail me: <jed...@aol.com>
who contributed to this capsule. :-) =================================
Compiled by Jordan "2BDIs" Eisenberg. =================================
Available on the web at: <http://futurama.simplenet.com/episodes/1ACV01.txt>
- Jordan Eisenberg -- <http://members.aol.com/JEdraw/Simpsons/>
- <JEd...@aol.com> -- ( S1.2 OFF+++ APU# MAU! OTT@ f+++ )
- ( n++/+++ Ilpswo $+++ 7G12, 9F09, 9F15, 1F06, 2F16 M1983 )
- "And then I sped away without anyone seeing my license plate."
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own