Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Thanksgiving
Ubiquitous
She blah blahs about making something "very unique" for Thanksgiving. She
walks into that faux pantry and grabs a pan with Stove Top stuffing ™ she
made the night before and left sitting out overnight to get dry and
crunchy (she obviously does not live in Florida).
She puts the giblets into boiling water for the gravy with a loud
"Whoot!" and then chops the green onions into strips and puts them into
her food processor, because it's so much easier to use it to make
bite-sized pieces, except they look semi-pulverized after she's done. She
credits this recipe with "Dicie" as she mixes the stuffing and pulp.
She preps the turkey and stuffs it with the stuffing, then bastes it by
rubbing a couple sticks of butter on it. She recommends cooking two
smaller ones instead of a giant one.
SLop then prepares the leaves upon which the turkey will be placed
without washing her hands. SLop then says a little prayer to God that she
cooked it right. Heh.
She scrapes the drippings from the pan and empties them into a cup so she
can make rue in a clean pan. Doesn't one normally just add the flour to
the pan without scraping it clean? She puts a little vegetable oil and
flour in the pan and miraculously, the rue is finished, so she adds the
giblet broth to it. As the steam hits her in the face, she exclaims
"Wooo!" and "Bamm!" and claims that "Emeril's got nothing on me!". I hate
Emeril, but that is just all kinds of wrong. She mentions that everyone
in her family calls her the "gravy queen". I suspect they really said
"gravy train" and made up the former when she overheard them, but that's
just me.
SLop slices a piece from the MV turkey while exclaiming "Come on honey I
am so going to eat you up!". SLop tells us that after the commercial
break, she's going to tell how to fix turkey, because everyone talks
about cooking it. Way to inspire confidence.
If your turkey isn't brown enough, melt some butter and dump everything
you can find full of sugar into it, like rum. The butter and sugar will
caramelize, so if you paint it onto the turkey, it will look cooked and
no one will know. Well, until they bite into that caramel turkey, that
is.
If your turkey is dry, slice it, baste it, and tent in the oven to steam
it.
If your gravy is lumpy, strain it and then dribble it over sliced and
plated turkey. No one will ever know!
If you burn the rolls, something SLop does every year, slice off the
burnt part and make it into cheese toast. No one will know, yeah right.
We return from commercial to see SLop make mini pumpkin bundts (didn't
she make this on the other ep?), but first, she has to show-off how she
decorated her kitchen. It's brown. We have this week's theme color! She
shows off how she glued leather and lace to her valence, but I notice
dead twigs and leaves as well. It kinda sorta looks S&M-y
SLop bakes the mini bundts and prays "Please sweet lord, let them come
out unbroken!" and crows about her good karma when they do. I think it
has a lot more to do with MV than karma, SLop. She proceeded to make an
orange juice glaze by melting white chocolate chips in cream. If memory
serves, I recall her trying that before and them not looking very good.
She gives it an orange color by adding one drop of red and one drop of
yellow food coloring. It's a shame she didn't use this ratio in the
"Half-Assed Thanksgiving" ep. SLop makes leaves and stems using green
dyed marzipan.
SLop reads her "fan mail" from a fan who read her books and loves her
drinks. Yeah, I bet she does. Anyhow, SLop recommends attaching flowers
and vegetation to the stems of her glassware with clothes pins. Heh.
SLop saunters over to the tablescape, which is pretty nice when compared
to the maimed pheasant monstrosity. Unfortunately, whoever she made
dinner for will only be eating turkey, stuffing, and cake for
Thanksgiving. Well, considering who is cooking, maybe that's a good
thing.
--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
itsjoannotjoann
Ubiquitous wrote:
> This ep starts with SLop walking outside and picking leaves from trees.
> She blah blahs about making something "very unique" for Thanksgiving. She
> walks into that faux pantry and grabs a pan with Stove Top stuffing ™ she
> made the night before and left sitting out overnight to get dry and
> crunchy (she obviously does not live in Florida).
>
> She puts the giblets into boiling water for the gravy with a loud
> "Whoot!" and then chops the green onions into strips and puts them into
> her food processor, because it's so much easier to use it to make
> bite-sized pieces, except they look semi-pulverized after she's done. She
> credits this recipe with "Dicie" as she mixes the stuffing and pulp.
I noticed her stuff in the food processer looked awfully mangled.
>
>
> She preps the turkey and stuffs it with the stuffing, then bastes it by
> rubbing a couple sticks of butter on it.
Did you see her dump that can of chicken and rice soup in her
'stuffing' mix?? That was a surprise!
>She recommends cooking two
> smaller ones instead of a giant one.
>
> SLop then prepares the leaves upon which the turkey will be placed
> without washing her hands. SLop then says a little prayer to God that she
> cooked it right. Heh.
>
> She scrapes the drippings from the pan and empties them into a cup so she
> can make rue in a clean pan. Doesn't one normally just add the flour to
> the pan without scraping it clean? She puts a little vegetable oil and
> flour in the pan and miraculously, the rue is finished, so she adds the
> giblet broth to it. As the steam hits her in the face, she exclaims
> "Wooo!" and "Bamm!" and claims that "Emeril's got nothing on me!". I hate
> Emeril, but that is just all kinds of wrong. She mentions that everyone
> in her family calls her the "gravy queen". I suspect they really said
> "gravy train" and made up the former when she overheard them, but that's
> just me.
*Snort*
>
> SLop slices a piece from the MV turkey while exclaiming "Come on honey I
> am so going to eat you up!". SLop tells us that after the commercial
> break, she's going to tell how to fix turkey, because everyone talks
> about cooking it. Way to inspire confidence.
>
> If your turkey isn't brown enough, melt some butter and dump everything
> you can find full of sugar into it, like rum. The butter and sugar will
> caramelize, so if you paint it onto the turkey, it will look cooked and
> no one will know. Well, until they bite into that caramel turkey, that
> is.
My first thought was "Huh??" Sugar for a glaze on a turkey?
>
>
> If your turkey is dry, slice it, baste it, and tent in the oven to steam
> it.
>
> If your gravy is lumpy, strain it and then dribble it over sliced and
> plated turkey. No one will ever know!
>
> If you burn the rolls, something SLop does every year, slice off the
> burnt part and make it into cheese toast. No one will know, yeah right.
Best way to overcome that problem is to designate a 'roll watcher.' We
found out that takes care of the burned rolls.
>
>
> We return from commercial to see SLop make mini pumpkin bundts (didn't
> she make this on the other ep?), but first, she has to show-off how she
> decorated her kitchen. It's brown. We have this week's theme color! She
> shows off how she glued leather and lace to her valence, but I notice
> dead twigs and leaves as well. It kinda sorta looks S&M-y
>
> SLop bakes the mini bundts and prays "Please sweet lord, let them come
> out unbroken!" and crows about her good karma when they do. I think it
> has a lot more to do with MV than karma, SLop. She proceeded to make an
> orange juice glaze by melting white chocolate chips in cream. If memory
> serves, I recall her trying that before and them not looking very good.
> She gives it an orange color by adding one drop of red and one drop of
> yellow food coloring. It's a shame she didn't use this ratio in the
> "Half-Assed Thanksgiving" ep. SLop makes leaves and stems using green
> dyed marzipan.
>
> SLop reads her "fan mail" from a fan who read her books and loves her
> drinks. Yeah, I bet she does. Anyhow, SLop recommends attaching flowers
> and vegetation to the stems of her glassware with clothes pins. Heh.
What a lame suggestion!! Who wants to fight a damn clothespin while
trying to hold your glass?
>
>
> SLop saunters over to the tablescape, which is pretty nice when compared
> to the maimed pheasant monstrosity. Unfortunately, whoever she made
> dinner for will only be eating turkey, stuffing, and cake for
> Thanksgiving. Well, considering who is cooking, maybe that's a good
> thing.
My first thought was "what? no mashed potatoes or green peas, etc.?"
Taylor
Ubiquitous wrote:
Wow, Sandra Lee has made it into the Wikipedia! *tee-hee* But then
again, so has Greg Lee ('Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?', PBS)!
"¼31r"
three other favorite times of the year?
I live in the Northeast. Home of Fall foliage. Leaves in November? Still can
be pretty. But washing them? Not so pretty. We call wet leaves mulch. Or
mildew. Depends on how far in advance you "wash" them.
Dicey. Had been gone for awhile. I hate euphemisms for death. She died. She
didn't spoil. She didn't just leave (though being SLop's family maybe she
did).
Interesting that she slathers the butter on the turkey (calling it basting,
which it isn't) after she puts it on the rack -- totally ignoring the bottom
of the bird, making sure that the dark meat totally dries out. Bitch. And
the amount of butter she slathered on. Just glopped on like...like..like
being charitable and giving the "Facials by the Blind" booth at the local
Integrated Lifestyles Charity Fair a go.
And that giblet broth? Look as rich and tasty and full of flavor as I
imagine the second rinse cycle of my Thanksgiving dinner dishes in the
dishwasher does. And gravy queen? Is SLop sure that the reason they call her
that is not for certain....erhm, less culinary talents? I keep waiting for
some soft-core porn in her youngers days to surface. You know it has to be
out there. Something with SLop in spiked heels throwing food at an old
geezer strapped down while wearing a spandex one-sy.
Steamed dried out turkey laden with chickenbroth? Oh that is just so wrong
on so many levels. And what family of idiots is going to think it extra
special that you already plated dry turkey and slathered gravy over it
before serving? Oh maybe the denizens of Mel's Diner? But anyone else? Not
so much.
How great her kitchen is? Because decorating the kitchen once again is what
it is all about. And decorating your shelves? Obviously the woman does not
spend any time in the kitchen. Those of us that do, use our shelves
for..well the stuff we actually use in the course of cooking! What a
surprise!
Wonderful PA whisper moment " Uh Miss Idio- I mean Miss Lee? You need to
leave the core element uncovered by the batter otherwise it is just an
little glory hole cake that looks like it is a favor at a sex party."
Witness SLop turn a pan of mini-bundts over for the first time -- giving her
more pleasure than the FCC would allow to be shown on regular network
television.
Red and yellow makes orange. Wow. Who knew.
Cindy is lazier than SLop.
Always keep your kitchen gloves on hand. I wonder if she actually thinks
cooks have just one pair? Today marzipan, tomorrow stuffing our own fresh
sausage, next week shelling crab and stuffing game hens. Can you imagine if
she actually cooked? How many lives would be lost? How many new strains of
virulent bacteria the CDC would be facing? If Bush really wanted to find
weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, he should have sent SLop on a cultural
goodwill mission to cook things up in Saddam's kitchen. And wouldn't you
love to take one of those CSI black light things and swab down SLop's
kitchen for 60 Minutes or one of those silly-ass John Stosel self-important
exposes?
Viewer mail? Wow. Talk about desperate need for self-affirmation. Someone
hears the natives rumbling and wants to drown them out. And little
attentions to detail? No the family will be much more impressed with
incredible food.
And how many turkeys did poor Mill-Vanilli have to make for this show?
And what exactly was the woman wearing? Not until the end did I realize she
was wearing two different tones of orange that didn't seem to go together at
all. Can't she afford to have someone dress her? After all she always puts
the whole 'scape over the actual food and she hires people to cook and bake
and assemble the food? Can't she hire someone to do her 'scape? First would
be a bra that fits, please dear lordie, please.
Rob.
"itsjoannotjoann" <itsjoan...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:1132109848.8...@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
I saw this on Sunday and darned if this wasn't on again today!
You mean this recap????