Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Beer Bashing
Ubiquitous
blurry six packs of beers. BWAH!!! I missed most of the remaining intro because
I had to regain my composure and start breathing again, but damn, she looks
like a haggard hillbilly with her hair like that and wearing that poop-brown
ensemble, and the glamour shot of the broccoli with sauce looks vomitous.
Before we bop to the opening credits, SLop proclaims "Immagona chug a beer
before we start cooking!". Whee!!! Looks like we're in for quite a ride today,
folks!
SLop begins with beer bread for her beer fonDON'T. "Be sure to use a bread mix
made with wheat", she tells us, adding "I mix my dough with a whisk [instead of
a spoon] because it's faster" and then whines about how hard it is to get the
dough out of afterward.
SLop proudly proclaims "I went to high school in college in WI" and how
everyone there loves beer and cheese. Not in the way you do, SLop.
"Put in a quarter tablespoon of cayenne QUICKLY".
She adds some Worcester sauce to the fonDON'T and claims that if you've been
drinking beer you can't say "Worcester" five times fast. You can't say it ONCE
while allegedly sober, you moron! Wait, did she say it correctly?
Her way of determining how much liquid to use for poaching the fish:
Put fish in pan, fill pan with water, remove fish, add a bottle of beer, old
bay and TEN peppercorns (gotta be exact because they're strong), replace the
fish, and squeeze in a lemon and simmer. Let's all sing the Hokey-Pokey
Haddock!
You put the haddock in
You take the haddock out
You add a little beer
and you stir it all about
Squeeze a little lemon
Let it simmer for awhile
THAT'S what it's all a-bout!
She CUTS her broccoli into tiny flowerets but uses pre-chopped onion?
Sandie kept saying "This is the best beer-ricotta-chive sauce you have ever
dreamed of." Sorry, but given a choice, I would never have dreamed of such a
combination. Do they make ricotta cheese in WI? Anywho, that sauce looked
vomitous.
"Today is all about beer, so you couldn't have an entire beer meal without a
rootbeer float, could you?" Hunh? SLop then tells us she's going to make these
root beer floats "with a TWIST!", and repeats she makes a "Very very root beer
float with a LOT of twists".
"I'm going to add something savory". SAVORY? Pretzels? In a float?
SLop has difficulty scooping out the ice cream (apparenty her hot water trick
didn't work), so she nukes it. SLop then shares her twelve-step pretezel
coating technique with us. For Pete's sake, lady, you're only coating pretzels
with melted chocolate chips!
Suddenly, SLop exclaims "OOOH! I think I entered '20 minutes' intead of '20
seconds'!!!!" and she rushes over to rescue the ice cream. BWAHAHAHA! Moron.
SLop pours the root beer and cream soda into the cup of ice cream and warns us
to be "thoughtful" when pouring it, as it starts to overflow the cup. After
a quick cut-away, she explains that she uses cream soda for a hint of vanilla
flaovour, then dumps in some doctored vanilla cool whip for extra measure. As
we bop out to commercial, SLop threatens us with a cocktail.
When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". Sandra announces she's going to make Beer
Bloody Marys. Oh, bloody hell! She tells us to get ice from the freezer
because you want them VERY cold. She grabs some V8 and two blurry bottles
of beer and dumps them into a pitcher, making a loud "Whoot!" as it foams up
over the top. She then explains that stirring with a wooden stick [sic] will
dissolve the bubbles,and suddenly the foam is gone! She rub rims of the glasses
with lemon, then puts some celary salt in bowl. She starts to pour the drink
into the glasses and suddenly she's salting the empty glasses. She mumbles
something about only wanting the ice in the pitcher to keep the drink cold but
then adds ice from the sink to the glasses and the pitcher.
And now, the tablescape portion of our show:
Beer coaster boookay (Several beer coasters glued to skewers)!
Inverted serving trays with coasters glued to them!
Buy all the unusual beer bottles in your supermarket and display them on your
shelves!
Take off the labels and use them as receipe gift cards for your guests!
Yeah, I think she's totally lost it...
--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
Lee.
Nick
> This ep begins with SLop stumbling through her front door clutching
> several blurry six packs of beers.
This sounds like a great beginning to a great dream. :D
ANIM8Rfsk
nickSP...@snurcher.com wrote on 8/15/05 9:11 AM:
or the end to your worst nightmare
--
You Can't Stop the Signal
Glitter Ninja
>Suddenly, SLop exclaims "OOOH! I think I entered '20 minutes' intead of '20
>seconds'!!!!" and she rushes over to rescue the ice cream. BWAHAHAHA! Moron.
Surely, that was some of the "intentional" humor of the show. The
editors could have caught that.
>And now, the tablescape portion of our show:
>Beer coaster boookay (Several beer coasters glued to skewers)!
>Inverted serving trays with coasters glued to them!
>Buy all the unusual beer bottles in your supermarket and display them on your
>shelves!
>Take off the labels and use them as receipe gift cards for your guests!
Ha! That is the most moronic thing I have ever seen on her show, and
that's counting all those cocktails she does which are just champagne
and fruit juice.
A beer theme. A. Beer. Theme. You know she comes up with these on
her own.
Stacia
ANIM8Rfsk
sta...@xmission.com wrote on 8/15/05 6:32 PM:
You really think she's that bright?
>
> Stacia
Ubiquitous
do...@invalid.com wrote:
>web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:
>> This ep begins with SLop stumbling through her front door clutching
>> several blurry six packs of beers. BWAH!!!
>
>I don't watch the program. I've seen it a couple of times and that was
>enough for me. OTOH, I find your satirical posts regarding the program
>hilarious.
Thanks!
Ubiquitous
>web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) writes:
>>Suddenly, SLop exclaims "OOOH! I think I entered '20 minutes' intead of '20
>>seconds'!!!!" and she rushes over to rescue the ice cream. BWAHAHAHA! Moron.
>
> Surely, that was some of the "intentional" humor of the show. The
>editors could have caught that.
My theory is that her staff hates her and does these little things to sabotage
the show.
>>And now, the tablescape portion of our show:
>>Beer coaster boookay (Several beer coasters glued to skewers)!
>>Inverted serving trays with coasters glued to them!
>>Buy all the unusual beer bottles in your supermarket and display them on your
>>shelves!
>>Take off the labels and use them as receipe gift cards for your guests!
>
> Ha! That is the most moronic thing I have ever seen on her show, and
>that's counting all those cocktails she does which are just champagne
>and fruit juice.
> A beer theme. A. Beer. Theme. You know she comes up with these on
>her own.
This is coming from a woman who sets her blender to "pulse", then stares in
amazement, then panic, as she can't figure out how to stop it, followed by
an unseen stage hand unplugging it.
Wait until you see what she did in the latest ep. Wow!
nickolas wiles
That root beer float was the most revolting thing I've seen in my life, and since
I've found Snadra, that's saying something.
Just had to add, what in the world makes her think chocolate dipped pretzels are a
good idea in a root beer float.
samantha...@yahoo.com
elita...@familycommunications.com wrote:
>That root beer float was the most revolting thing I've seen in my life, and
>since I've found Snadra, that's saying something.
>
>Just had to add, what in the world makes her think chocolate dipped pretzels
>are a good idea in a root beer float.
All I can say is (avert your eyes if you're the sensitive type) HOLY MOTHER OF
FUCK!
A "root beer float" that includes root beer, actual beer, and
cherry-chocolate-chip ice cream? That's all I need to hear; the
chocolate-dipped pretzels are positively sane in comparison.
What the hell is wrong with this heinous bint?!?
Miranda Writes, Devil's Advocate
"a...@acom.net" <samantha...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> elita...@familycommunications.com wrote:
>
> >That root beer float was the most revolting thing I've seen in my life,
> >and
> >since I've found Snadra, that's saying something.
> >
> >Just had to add, what in the world makes her think chocolate dipped
> >pretzels
> >are a good idea in a root beer float.
>
> All I can say is (avert your eyes if you're the sensitive type) HOLY
> MOTHER OF
> FUCK!
>
> A "root beer float" that includes root beer, actual beer, and
> cherry-chocolate-chip ice cream?
Holy crap- that's a real recipe? Even from SLop that seems extreme.
On my drunkest nights as a college freshman, you couldn't have gotten
me to try this-- even on a dare. For a real - money kind of a dare.
Jeez. I had a friend who would mix up shite like beer and vanilla
ice-cream and try to pass the " concoctions" off as hangover cures-
we all felt the crushing pain and waves of nausea were preferable to
beer and vanilla ice cream. Had she had access to this SLop-tacious
" recipe" and tried to hand it out to us and told us what was in it, I
am POSITIVE we'd have all puked our guts out.
So, is anybody here brave enough to try it ( with or sans hangover) and
report in?
>That's all I need to hear; the
> chocolate-dipped pretzels are positively sane in comparison.
>
> What the hell is wrong with this heinous bint?!?
>
>
--
Miranda Writes, Devil's Advocate
a.a. # 1596
EAC State Bar # 666
AFJC/ARC Denizen of Darkness# $665.99
Damned by Dore # 3:16 Abogada CUSSARD Numero Uno
Proud Alumna Fashion Princess and Club Partier Snobby Obnoxious Bitch# 1
(envy isn't attractive, dear)
pe...@my.home.com
<mirandafair...@moonpie.com> wrote:
>> A "root beer float" that includes root beer, actual beer, and
>> cherry-chocolate-chip ice cream?
>
>Holy crap- that's a real recipe? Even from SLop that seems extreme.
> On my drunkest nights as a college freshman, you couldn't have gotten
>me to try this-- even on a dare. For a real - money kind of a dare.
>Jeez. I had a friend who would mix up shite like beer and vanilla
>ice-cream and try to pass the " concoctions" off as hangover cures-
>we all felt the crushing pain and waves of nausea were preferable to
>beer and vanilla ice cream. Had she had access to this SLop-tacious
>" recipe" and tried to hand it out to us and told us what was in it, I
>am POSITIVE we'd have all puked our guts out.
>
>So, is anybody here brave enough to try it ( with or sans hangover) and
>report in?
It didn't have real beer, just rootbeer, cream soda and the cherry
chip ice cream, which combined is gross enough.
pepsi
aham pls
Especially since they (pretzel sticks) are strategically placed to poke you in
the eye when you try to drink that abomination.
Hubby and I watched yesterday. His comment: Bitch seriously likes to drink,
doesn't she? Why does she try to cook? Why doesn't she just re-name the show
"Semi Homemade Drinks" or "I'm a no talent lush?"
The sound guys were trying to drown her out at the end when she was showing her
tablescape. When I was at college (George Mason University) the guys across the
hall from me had one whole wall of their living room covered in beer cans. I
have no idea how they stuck them to the walls, though I have a feeling that it
involved duct tape. They had a little card taped to a can, like you would see
under a picture in a museum that told the reader how many beer cans there were,
and the approximate value of all of the beer.
As funny, and tacky, as that was it wasn't as tacky as say...telling people to
print recipes on beer bottle labels and giving them as party favors, or having
a coaster bookay.
My neighbors were 18 year old college guys. What's Sandy's excuse??
Ubiquitous
wrote:
Which begs the question "Why is this on a beer-themed ep?".
Ubiquitous
Casa de Masa
> Yeah, I think she's totally lost it...
>
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CC-binIWAAAKS65.jpg
Ubiquitous
anim8rfsk
>
> This ep
Is she actually making new material or did you find an old rerun somewhere?
Ubiquitous
> Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
>> This ep
>
>Is she actually making new material or did you find an old rerun somewhere?