Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Brunch with Brycer
Ubiquitous
I". Ugh. I also notice that I am getting a retinal yellow overload from the
combination of a Vaseline-smeared camera lens and everything being yellow.
SLop gives us a rundown, then threatens to have Brycer over (yeah, right).
SLop redid Kimber's kitchen in yellow (her fav color) while she was away. Oh, I
am so sure Kimber's going to like this as much as the crap you gave her at the
end of "Girls' Cocktail party". SLop claims she made a song with Brycer and is
going to sing it with her. I'm not betting on it just yet.
As SLOP prepares the eggs for the breakfast pizzas, she says babbles something
about how she and Kimber try to eat organic and low sugar food whenever
possible. As if! In a nod to continuity, SLop mentions Kimber's comment about
how the kids eat anything that's in a quesadilla or a tortilla. Firstly, Isn't
that a little bit redundant? And secondly, she's putting this stuff ON top of a
tortilla!
As SLop puts the cut-up sausage patties onto the faux pizza, she tells us that
sausage come in different flavours and to look for them if you are a fan,
followed by a "Me washie handsies!" moment. Once again, SLop demonstrates she
does not have a clue. Lastly, she dumps some Italian seasoning onto the pizza,
instructing us to "sprinkle it on like light snow".
Proclaiming "I'm gonna cut this just like it's a pizza", SLop slices one of
them into fourths but cannot resist the urge to deep throat a slice, bopping
out to commercial before we can see her running stage left to have someone look
at the 3rd degree burns in her mouth and throat.
Before she begins working on the boozy french toast, she makes a sauce by
taking some thawed strawberries and "macerating" it with booze. She then adds
sugar to berries and prattles about how her sister doesn't let the kids eat
food with sugar in it (apparently she doesn't watch this show!), so they get
sugar free syrup at IHOP. SLop acts totally amazed by this bit of news. The
part about the existence of sugar-free syrup, that is. Before we bop out to
commercial, SLop claims once again that Brycer will be helping her cook. yeah,
right.
OH GAWD!!! We abruptly return from ad with them "singing". Caterwauling is more
like it. For some odd reason, I recognise the words as well. She then calls him
ALL sorts of "cute" names: Bryce, Brycie, Brycer, etc. Just ugh. Brycer is
doomed to be the most beat-up little boy in school Monday, and that's not even
considering the poor kid is made-up like some sort of doll. Back off on the
lipstick and blush! For his mom, he's going to make a desert for her, so Brycer
unwraps a muffin while SLop mixes some eggs and sugar for the french toast.
Brycer stops and gives an amazing Terry Shiavo imitation as he watches her
stir. Adding insult to injury, SLop asks "Can I help cut that, sweetness?" to
Brycer and then tells him "You remind me of a little Booby Flay! I think you
have a cooking career in your future". Oh, really? I am not sure which disturbs
me more, her calling him the same name as the food she nibbles on or her
comparing him to Bobby Flay. She mixes some incognito Cool Whip with Hershey's
chocolate syrup and then puts it onto the split muffin with a "WHAM!". Brycer
then puts a a dollop onto the top of the muffin and Cool Whip sandwich,
prompting SLop to say to the camera "See Bobby, you got competition!" and
sticks some berries into the dollop. Brycer looks like he's about to hurl when
it suddenly cuts to him putting more stuff on the muffin.
SLop returns to her topping. Since it contains sugar (I guess the booze is
fine), she announces that she's going to use Nestle's Strawberry Syrup for the
kids. Aha! The kiss sequence from the opening credits! Oh yeah, Brycer is
retarded.
SLop sends Brycer out to play in traffic while she makes her sausage bacon
skewers. She gives the obligatory "water soak" "tip" and breathlessly tells us
that Brycer will later show us how to make chocolate/strawberry milk! Using her
"sausage hand job" technique, she places a piece of sausage onto a skewer,
followed by a square piece of bacon, explaining that the bacon will baste the
lean sausage she's using. We then see her continue to assemble the kabob,
describing every. single. piece. she sticks onto the skewer. When she finally
is finished, she puts them under broiler for a couple minutes to warm up and
makes a sauce out of BBQ sauce and the juice from an orange to baste the
sausage. She warns us that it's quick so watch carefully while you stir it,
adding that the OJ will make it crunchy. Mercifully, we immediately fade out to
commercial.
When we return from commercial, SLop giddily announces it's cock time, but
sadly, there is no accompanying pop-up graphic. Hey! What's Brycer doing there?
That is just WRONG! She announces he has a surprise for Kimber and asks what it
is. Brycer mumbles "corrr-sawwwg!". SLop then procures two big ass mugs for
their drinks.
He fills his with milk while she fills hers with coffee.
He adds chocolate syrup and she adds chocolate liquor.
He adds strawberry syrup, she adds strawberry liqueur.
Both are furnished with a strawberry choking hazard.
SLop tells Brycer "Go get your mom!". When he's gone, she sneaks some cool whip
into her drink. On to the tablescape she's going to show Kimber!
We fade to Kimber's dining area. SLop tells us that since Kimmy LOVVVES yellow
roses, she took it upon herself to crap up the house with them all over the
place. As a tablecloth, she used some yellow gingum fabric and miniature
trestles on the table. Hmm, where's Kimber and Brycer? SLop breathlessly tells
us about her stupid inverted-bowl-with-a-plate-balanced-atop-it trick and then
blames Brycer for another trick: small cutting boards with the napkins,
cutlery, and plates tied to them. With that, SLop suddenly notices their
absence and announces she's going to get them before meal gets cold, followed
by her "Keep it" trifecta and exiting stage left.
--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
Taylor
Ubiquitous wrote:
> This episode begins with SLop announcing this is a "special weekend for he and
> I". Ugh. I also notice that I am getting a retinal yellow overload from the
> combination of a Vaseline-smeared camera lens and everything being yellow.
> SLop gives us a rundown, then threatens to have Brycer over (yeah, right).
Uh-oh... Sandra Lee and Vaeline? Looks like SOMEBODY'S gonna join the
leagues of Backdoor Johnny (a person who receives anal sex)! :-D Way to
go, SLop!!!!!
Rob.
"////////////?????????
muriel berggren
The pizza looked fine at first, but GOOD LORD, 2 CUPS OF CHEESE?! I love
cheese, and thought that was WAY excessive.
Sandy, organic things don't matter when everything else you feed them is crap.
You're also not allowed to say "macerate" anymore.
"Brycee" is going to get his assee kicked come Mondee. (Thank heavens he wasn't
in his chef's outfit.)
Cool Whip-filled muffins? Is THAT organic too?
After this show, I'm relatively sure that yellow won't be Kimber's favorite
color anymore.
"Are you done with your muffin?" OF COURSE he's done with the muffin - you
freakin' helped him out with it, dumbass.
I'm 99.9% sure Sandy is an expert about going down on sausage.
I've seen Sandy make some disgusting things on this program.... LOTS of them...
but that kabob.... thing... was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my
life.
Those sausages went "under the broiler"? It looked to me as if they went into
the conventional oven.
Teaching Brycer about "cocktail time" is very - VERY wrong.
Hrm. I wonder why Kimber ended up not showing up for this "party."
Bob Terwilliger
> Also, I assume that there is chicken sausage, but I thought that looked
> like turkey sausage. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of chicken sausage.
Really? Have you READ THE LABELS on the sausages in a grocery store? Chicken
sausages comprise about fifteen percent of my Safeway's sausage inventory.
Bob
Bob Terwilliger
> You're also not allowed to say "macerate" anymore.
She used the word correctly. What's your problem with that?
Bob
pe...@home.com
<swarts...@verizon.net> wrote:
>Some snarking before I run out of the door...
>
>Whenever I watch Sandy crack eggs into a bowl without worrying about
>getting bad eggs, I cringe. This was reinforced by Paula Deen, who told
>her son that just a few minutes prior to Slop’s show.
>
It's very rare to find a "bad" egg nowadays, unless they are fresh
from the hen house.
tom
<pe...@home.com> wrote in message
news:075c625uhksu6l7kb...@4ax.com...
I cracked one open a couple weeks ago that had a big glob of blood in it.
Dennis
between natural sugar and refined sugar. Fruit is a good source. There
is nothing wrong with making cocktails in front of a child. One of the
problems in the US is over protection of children from normal life.
Steve Swartson wrote:
> Some snarking before I run out of the door...
>
> Whenever I watch Sandy crack eggs into a bowl without worrying about
> getting bad eggs, I cringe. This was reinforced by Paula Deen, who told
> her son that just a few minutes prior to Slop’s show.
>
> She talks about using organic eggs and things with “less sugar” for the
> kids for health reasons, but then she puts half a package of cheese, two
> sausage patties, and parmesan cheese, and Italian seasoning on the pizza.
> Her organic tomatoes don’t fool me either. Stupid cow.
>
> The kids don’t eat sugar? Explain the cotton candy and all the other crap
> that Aunt Sandy shows into their mouths.
>
> The pizza looks disgusting.
>
> Coming right out of a commercial into the Brycer/SLop song was jarring.
>
> Bryce looks heavily sedated. However, to his credit, he knows how to put
> topping on a muffin better than SLop does. Of course, the dope has to go
> and ruin his handiwork.
>
> Name checking moment No. 348: “You remind me of a little Bobby Flay."
>
> Name checking moment No. 981: “See Bobby, you got one coming up there.”
>
> Michael Jackson moment No. 332: “I love it when you’re in the kitchen
> cooking with me. It’s my favorite day.” CREEPY.
>
> Is that strawberry syrup sugar free?
>
> “Aunt Sandy did a good job. Brycer did a good job too.” She is so full of
> herself, it’s sickening. Shouldn’t you give the kid credit first?
>
> “The reason we use the bacon is that the sausage is so lean, we want a
> little bit of basting when we put it in the oven.” What does that mean?
> Also, I assume that there is chicken sausage, but I thought that looked
> like turkey sausage. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of chicken sausage.
>
> The barbecue sauce has more than "a little sugar in it." And then add the
> juice of an orange. Perhaps SLop doesn't think that juice from a fruit
> has sugar in it.
>
> Is it me or did the sausage/bacon kabobs that appeared in the pre-taped
> shots (the ones sitting in the flower pot) looked completely different
> from the ones that SLop made? (I don't have TiVo in this room, so I can't
> go back and check.)
>
> Kids should not be exposed to making cocktails. It's bad enough when she
> makes her kiddie yucktails, but having Brycer there while she's making
> the drink is inexcusable. She might as well put some chocolate and
> strawberry liquor in his drink so he can start getting used to the stuff
> gradually.
>
> Cor-sage. Brycer's learining to speak just like SLop by en-un-ci-a-ting
> every syllable.
>
> "This tablescape is as" retarded "as my little nephew Brycer."
>
> SLop's tablecloth is "actually fabric."
>
> Do we believe for a second that the chopping boards were Brycer's idea?
> She is insulting.
>
>
> For the love of god. Stop the insanity!
>
Dennis
Dennis
Max Leverich
with sausage/panchetta skewers that didn't look like elk penis) I finally pulled
this off the Tivo to watch it. YEOW.
Funny how Bryc-ee-er-ie-sweetness knows to mix syrup with his store bought
packaged whipped topping and NOT cocoa powder (I'm lookin' at you, Kwanza kake)
and Aunt Sandy doesn't know that trick.
So the kid, mixing with Aunt Sandy, gets "chocolate syrup" and she gets, said
with much excitement and glee "special chocolate" or something or other. Way to
tempt a kid! Just ten million kinds of wrong.
Compare this tragedy to Giada's lovely brunch from today, and they made similar
foods (breakfast pizza, kabobs, chocolate drinks). The difference in level of
class is amazing.
Ubiquitous
max.le...@gmail.com wrote:
>So the kid, mixing with Aunt Sandy, gets "chocolate syrup" and she gets, said
>with much excitement and glee "special chocolate" or something or other. Way
>to tempt a kid! Just ten million kinds of wrong.
>
>Compare this tragedy to Giada's lovely brunch from today, and they made
>similar foods (breakfast pizza, kabobs, chocolate drinks). The difference in
>level of class is amazing.
I found it amusing that Giada's "Special for adults" with the chocolate
milk was espresso, not twenty types of booze in pretty fun bottles with cute
names.
Michel
>max.le...@gmail.com wrote:
>
>>So the kid, mixing with Aunt Sandy, gets "chocolate syrup" and she gets, said
>>with much excitement and glee "special chocolate" or something or other. Way
>>to tempt a kid! Just ten million kinds of wrong.
>>
>>Compare this tragedy to Giada's lovely brunch from today, and they made
>>similar foods (breakfast pizza, kabobs, chocolate drinks). The difference in
>>level of class is amazing.
>
>I found it amusing that Giada's "Special for adults" with the chocolate
>milk was espresso, not twenty types of booze in pretty fun bottles with cute
>names.
I just love the giddy look that Bunny gets on her face when it's Kuktail Time.
Watching her practically salivate and smack her chops in anticipation whenever
she looks in the mere direction of the liquor as she has to force herself to
pretend to care about the other ingredients in the day's hooch never fails to
crack me up. And the moment when she finally gets to manhandle that bottleneck
and start the pour? Always looks to me like she's about *this* close to the big O.
pascalou
>with sausage/panchetta skewers that didn't look like elk penis) I finally
>pulled this off the Tivo to watch it. YEOW.
>
>Funny how Bryc-ee-er-ie-sweetness knows to mix syrup with his store bought
>packaged whipped topping and NOT cocoa powder (I'm lookin' at you, Kwanza
>kake) and Aunt Sandy doesn't know that trick.
>
>So the kid, mixing with Aunt Sandy, gets "chocolate syrup" and she gets, said
>with much excitement and glee "special chocolate" or something or other. Way
>to tempt a kid! Just ten million kinds of wrong.
>
>Compare this tragedy to Giada's lovely brunch from today, and they made
>similar foods (breakfast pizza, kabobs, chocolate drinks). The difference in
>level of class is amazing.
Random thoughts:
--Only serving the kids organic and lower in sugar stuff? My ass.
--"Put them on a baking dish"...that's a baking PAN you moron. Later on, it
morphs into a cookie sheet.
--Ooo got the Boboli right side up on the first try.
--Italian seasoning like light snow. WTF?
--Only serving the kids sugar free syrup. Again, my ass.
--Oh doG, they're singing. Upon closer inspection, poor Bricer looks like
Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. Easy on the blush, kid.
--Oh crap, she's calling him sweetness. *shudders*
--Ooo, Cool whip must have fallen off of the happy-to-be-a-sponsor-to-this-trainwreck
because all of a sudden, the label is blocked out.
--Two mentions of Bobby Flay. Lessee...three epis INto the new season, and she
mentions other, more competent FN chefs THREE times. Jealous much?
--Gah, she's talking to Bricer like he's 3 insead of 6. Sheesh.
--Wheee!!! The appearance of the Nestle Strawburry Syrup! (Who called that...was
it me? Or FormerlyAmish?) Ah no matter....just hope it's sugar-free.
--Yay, more phallic phood! Those kabobs were tragic looking. Wonder why
she didn't use Emeril's sausages? Oh yeah....he's a real chef.
--Lots of INtos and lots of LLLLLLLLLLLove.
--She's now moved on to talking about kiddie cocktails for kids, now she's showing
the kid...not only to make his, but how to make hers. Someone call MADD. I don't
care if he's only 6.
*shudders*
Ubiquitous
says...
>Steve wrote:
I thought turkey sausage was the latest BIG THING ™, but I was amused at
how amazed SLop was at discovering "flavoured sausage" at the store.
Val
"Ubiquitous" <web...@polaris.net> wrote in message
news:e4efgo$me6$1...@news.utelfla.com...
> I thought turkey sausage was the latest BIG THING T, but I was amused at
> how amazed SLop was at discovering "flavoured sausage" at the store.
What I don't understand is why ol' SLop doesn't just take all her "little
friends" and dumpster dive behind the grocery store. She could have a whole
new angle on semi frugal and I seriously doubt if any of her drunken guests
would know the difference with the end results. *blerp* The coordinating
kitchen decor and tablescapes would also be a semi treat for the eyes.
Val
Ronny Crumb
>Compare this tragedy to Giada's lovely brunch from today, and they made
>similar foods (breakfast pizza, kabobs, chocolate drinks). The difference in
>level of class is amazing.
I really think that SLop ripped off Giada's menu and just crapped it up. It's
just too much of a coincidence for the menus to be so similar, right down to
the bacon kabobs (although Giada did use pancetta instead of bacon strips).
It's pretty obvious by the way SLop parrots information and name-drops that she
watches the other FN chefs to pick up "tips and tricks." But I think she's got
a serious case of Giada envy.
Janelle Curro
wrote:
I think it's pretty funny when the schedulers at FN put a SLop episode on that
mimics one of Giada's or Ina's or anyone else's. Sometimes they're on the same
day, lots of times within the same week. Somebody over there has a sense of
humor.
Ubiquitous
wrote:
>I really think that SLop ripped off Giada's menu and just crapped it up. It's
>just too much of a coincidence for the menus to be so similar, right down to
>the bacon kabobs (although Giada did use pancetta instead of bacon strips).
>It's pretty obvious by the way SLop parrots information and name-drops that she
>watches the other FN chefs to pick up "tips and tricks." But I think she's got
>a serious case of Giada envy.
I would like to take this oportunity to be the first to note that in today's ep
(the sailing party one), SLop made a blueberry shortcake that is identical
to the "treat" poor Brycer made his mom in this ep, using a bisected biscuit,
some Cool Whip ™, and a couple blueberries sprinkled on top.
Ubiquitous
wrote:
>Really hate to offer anything in her defense but there is a difference
>between natural sugar and refined sugar.
There is no difference: Sucrose is sucrose, no matter how it is refined.
>Fruit is a good source.
That is fructose. :-)
>There is nothing wrong with making cocktails in front of a child. One of
>the problems in the US is over protection of children from normal life.
Do you consider being a booze hound "normal"?
ANIM8Rfsk
janel...@e-amusingdeals.com wrote on 6/2/06 5:18 PM:
ANY time they run a SLop episode, they're showing they have a sense of
humor.
Ubiquitous
anim8rfsk
Ubiquitous
--
Let's go Brandon!