SCABTF MerchCom '93 Updates
David Charles Brogden
Here are some updates in now from other MerchComs about B'Harne Merchandise.
If you have any additional information, please email it and I will digestify
it all and post it for the World to see.
We are especialy interested in information about JCPenny (which
is reputed to be a haven for Purple Merchandise) and warehouse clubs such as
Costco, Price Club (all now PriceCostco, really), and Sam's Club (which is
non-existant in California, but does operate in other parts of the country).
Please email as soon as possible; I leave on Thursday, December 9th, or soon
thereafter. The more information we can get out before the holiday break,
the more likely we can stop this purple plague. MerchCom is going to continue
next year as MerchCom '94 and will continue to take reports year-round.
The thanks of all shoppers with Functioning Cerebrums[tm] go out to all who
reported on this plague. We may not be able to completely stop the Purple
Doom this year, but in years to come, we will wipe the planet clean of the
purple menace.
--Dave, Grand Marshall, Santa Cruz Anti-B'Harne Task Force (SCABTF)
1993 Holiday Merchandising Committee (MerchCom '93)
**start reports**
From ce...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu Mon Nov 29 15:50:38 1993
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Message-Id: <931129235...@piglet.INS.CWRU.Edu>
Date: Mon, 29 Nov 93 18:50:38 -0500
From: ce...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Brian T. Fix)
To: dcbr...@cats.ucsc.edu
Subject: Re: Holiday Devil Merchandising Report from SCABTF MerchCom '93
Reply-To: ce...@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Brian T. Fix)
Status: R
Reports back from the Youngstown, Ohio Area:
(K-Mart, Route 224, Boardman)
(K-Mart, Mahoning Avenue, Austintown)
(Phar-Mor, Route 224, Boardman)
(Sears, Southern Park Mall, Corner of Market and 224, Boardman)
(Kay-Bee Toy Stores, Southern Park Mall, Corner of Market and 224, Boardman)
(Toys R Us, Route 224, Boardman)
This is a rather large raid that took place on the twenty-sixth of November,
nineteen hundred and ninety-three.
1st K-Mart Location---The purple pedophile propaganda was EVERYWHERE! No corner
(large dept store) of the store was untouched by the evil one's path of
doom and destruction. Even the underwear section was
plastered with the Revolting Reptile! Rumor had it that
the underwear with B'Harne's visage on it came to life
late at night and raped little girls. Alongside with the
above mentioned were THOUSANDS of the Evil One's idols!
Urge strongly against entering this store unless proper
purple protection is worn, and even then, it is risque
business, I barely escaped out!
2nd K-Mart Location---Same as the first, but had a HIGH concentration of
(large dept store) B'Harne propaganda in a VERY small area. No kind of
battle gear would resist it, I sent in a dummy donned
in the most expensive purple pedophile protection and
it was lost IMMEDIATELY!
Phar-Mor---------------Scattered Purple Pedophile Propaganda, but lots of
(large chain drugstore B'Harne videotapes of the Evil One himself doing kinky
concentrated only in things with young girls and boys. Store could be
the east) overtaken by about 5 or fewer Jihadi soldiers as long
as they were blaring Ministry quite loudly to drive
away the large number of sponge-minions.
Sears------------------Smallest sweep of B'Harne rubbish there was in this
(worldwide dept raid, but still enough to make it necessary to wear
store) minimal protection. Mostly sleepwear and underwear,
similar to that of the K-Mart raids. Not very many
sponge minions to contend with since in this store
they play rock videos with the music that is harmful/
deadly to spongified minds.
Kay-Bee Toy Store------PURPLE EVERYWHERE IN THE STORE! Used flame throwers
(national toy store) to destroy the HUGE crop of B'Harne idols. Sent in
500 Jihadi, came out with 600 (we made 100 converts
in the three-hour standoff, but were forced to leave
by security after we were told that Ministry was playing
too loudly). Had HUNDREDS of Sponge-Minions to fight
off just to get within 50 feet of the store. Very
successful raid.
Toys R Us--------------This was a LONG standoff as well, almost 5 hours
(national toy store) before we even got close enough to the store to
firebomb it with B'Harne idols soaked in gasoline.
Thousands of screaming, disgusting, runny-nosed
Sponge Minions. Lost 157 Jihadi, all of which were
converts, which was a sad happening. Guess their
minds weren't fully detoxified, but we did manage
to pick up 50 more Jihadi, mostly 18 year old males
coming out after buying numerous Sega Genesis tapes.
Got close to B'Harne aisle but the smell of his
flammable stuffing gave the troops nausea and we
were forced to retreat and wait to finish the battle.
Very successful raid, nonetheless.
That is all for now, stay tuned for more! :)
In The Name of The Slow and Painful Death Of B'Harne
Fixxer
--
Brian T. Fix a.k.a. Fixxer (ce934)
Animus Liberatus (Hell, I don't know what it means)
From JJR...@RIGEL.TAMU.EDU Mon Nov 29 16:08:58 1993
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From: JJR...@RIGEL.TAMU.EDU
Date: Mon, 29 Nov 1993 18:08:58 -0600 (CST)
To: dcbr...@cats.ucsc.edu
Message-Id: <9311291808...@RIGEL.TAMU.EDU>
Subject: Re: Holiday Devil Merchandising Report from SCABTF MerchCom '93
Status: R
In article <2ddr52$k...@darkstar.UCSC.EDU>, you write...
>My fellow warriors,
> Attached is the post-thanksgiving report submitted by the Santa Cruz Anti-
>B'Harne Task Force's 1993 Holiday Merchandising Committee, MerchCom for short.
>It covers many major topics on merchandising in some major stores.
> MerchCom welcomes further information about specific stores or chains of
>stores. We are most interested in companies who have some stores in Northern
>California, but welcome information about any store in North America. Details
>on how to submit information to SCABTF MerchCom is in the report.
Note: We all know Blockbuster is a haven for the Satanic Purple Saurian from
Hades (SPSFH), but the example below is so blatant that it had to be talked
about.
First Report of the Texas A&M University B'Harne Genocide Division (BGD)
MerchCom Branch, BGD Director and Chief Sponge-Minion Deprogrammer J-Rock
presiding and sending.
Store Reviewed: Blockbuster Video, Hwy. 281 North, San Antonio, Texas.
Report: Purple in places easily accessible, and these places include and
are not limited to the children's video section. High content of purple in
the Videos For Sale section, which is right next to the check-out counter.
Display of Christmas-video-and-SPSFH-doll packages at toddler eye level
right next to the check-out counter.
Ease of Avoidance: Nil (The only way to avoid the purple here is not to go
in at all. I was saved from being subverted by bearing a copy of Bubblegum
Crisis episode #1 that I was renting. If your Blockbuster is the only video
store in town that carries anime, we suggest singing any Jihad anthem or
war hymn under your breath.)
More reports as TAMUBGD MerchCom continues scouting.
-- J-Rock
From IO2...@MAINE.maine.edu Wed Dec 1 08:35:47 1993
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Subject: Holiday Devil Merchandising Report from SCABTF MerchCom '93
References: <2ddr52$k...@darkstar.UCSC.EDU>
Message-Id: <IO21240.93...@maine.maine.EDU>
From: IO2...@MAINE.maine.edu
To: dcbr...@cats.ucsc.edu
Date: Wed, 01 Dec 93 11:35:47 EST
Status: R
Just to let you know, I found out over Thanksgiving break,
BARNEY IS VERY FLAMMABLE!!!!!!!
--
&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&
. . . contining in the quest to destroy B%rney and disseminate Slack. . .
David C. "Davy Baby" Brogden dcbr...@cats.ucsc.edu Santa Cruz, Calif.
$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$
In case of emergency, panic unmercifully, it's the least you can do.
If you don't like any of this, you can try to kill me with a forklift. . .
"I work off UNIX and can use multiple operating systems."--Crow T. Robot
==========> For more wisdom, finger dcbr...@ucscb.ucsc.edu <==============
