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She's the queen of a pharma earworm, and the haters better watch out - Deanna Colon sings about lowering your A1C -- and advocates "making lemonade out of lemons"

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Ubiquitous

unread,
Oct 20, 2023, 11:30:39 AM10/20/23
to
A woman walks down the steps of a townhouse and breaks into song.

I have Type 2 diabetes, but I manage it well. It’s a little pill with a big
story to tell!

Next thing you know, she’s in the midst of a razzle-dazzle dance routine in
the center of a park with some of the happiest people who have ever lived as
she sings about once-daily Jardiance, a diabetes pill that costs roughly $570
a month.

As time went on, it was easy to seeeeeeeeeee: I’m lowering my
A1CCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!

A letter carrier strolls by, explains how the medicine works and warns of the
risk of a perineum infection. A director snaps the clapperboard in the
commercial. Is he filming the commercial? Does he know he’s in a commercial?
We’ll never know.

The woman changes into a yellow dress for the big finale.

Jardiance is really swell! The little pill with a big story to tell!

It’s a scene familiar to anyone watching football this year. Or baseball. Or
really any TV.

“Be kind. Everyone is going through something. Heartache. Financial stress.
Their bananas ripened too quickly. Having the song from the Jardiance
commercial stuck in their head because it’s aired 5 million times a day,”
tweeted writer Abby Heugel with only slight exaggeration.

https://youtu.be/Aromts0OiHs

It joins the lineage of capitalist earworms that dominate the brain, such as:
“I want my baby back baby back baby back”; “Break me off a piece of that KIT.
KAT. BAR.”; and “Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow ... ”

“The Jardiance commercial makes me want to lower my A1C, and I don’t even
know what that is,” tweeted one fan.

And there, dancing at the center of every frame, is Deanna Colón, the
exuberant singer.

“This is a story of a woman who got handed Type 2 diabetes, and she’s making
lemonade out of lemons,” Colón says of her now-ubiquitous character. “She’s
living her best life.”

Despite some of the reactions to the commercial, Colón is, too.

Colón grew up in her family’s Italian restaurant in Arlington, Mass., a few
miles northwest of Boston, gaining the kitchen skills to compete on
“MasterChef.” She attended the Berklee College of Music on a scholarship and
reached the quarterfinals singing on “America’s Got Talent.”

She moved to New York, where she dubbed herself the “callback queen,” never
quite getting cast on Broadway. (She hopes that’s next for her.) But she co-
wrote the club hit “Higher” and several others. After 9/11, she swapped
coasts: Los Angeles for 13 years, Las Vegas for the past few.

Commercials she filmed for Big Lots nearly a decade ago caught the eye of the
production company tasked with the Jardiance spot. Colón found herself
auditioning from her Las Vegas bedroom over Zoom, then on the Universal lot
in Orlando, where she woke at 4 a.m. to dance and sing about lowering your
A1C for 12 to 15 hours straight for about a week as they nailed down the
choreography. (The dancing between her and the letter carrier was a little
too racy in one take.)

The Jardiance commercial is _everywhere_. The companies behind Jardiance have
spent an estimated $77.6 million airing both versions — yes, there are two —
of the ad, according to reports from TV measurement company iSpot. She
insists it’s not a “big break,” but a “big crack” that will help her seep
into the limelight. “Here I am at 50, and I can say, ‘I just got started,’”
she says. “I feel like J.Lo.”

“It’s wonderful to see her really hitting her stride later on in life,” says
blogger Perez Hilton, who now counts her as a friend. “We live in a youth-
dominated, hyper-focused world where the algorithm heavily pushes and favors
young, pretty, skinny and White.”

On Hilton’s advice, she’s now on Cameo, where she records personalized videos
for around $25 a pop. In one, she tells a fan where to get the yellow dress
from the commercial. The proceeds help pay for her seven rescue dogs.

On X (formerly Twitter), she offers prayers, gives dating advice, advocates
for canine adoption and battles the many, many trolls who take umbrage with
the jingle. “The haters are sad, pathetic people. There are wars going on,
innocent people being mutilated but ignorant ass humans choose to add to the
grief of this world by coming online and slamming a stranger,” she recently
tweeted in response to a particularly nasty one. “It’s sick but my
gratefulness and positivity is immune to it!”

“She’s crazy, in the best way,” Hilton says. “Despite the fact that she’s
married and her husband works and has a good job and she has 10 different
jobs and she’s got all these dogs, … she doesn’t hire a cleaning person. She
likes to clean her own house herself.”

“What kind of a lunatic is that?” he adds. “What kind of an insane person
loves cleaning her house?!”

Her mouth would make a nun blush, but her faith runs deep. (To publish this
in a family paper, we removed some — okay, a lot — of that language.) She
believes God has a plan for her. He’s just always three steps ahead: “When
it’s my time to make an impact globally, it’ll happen. And it’s going to
happen on His time, not mine.” It’s like her mother always says: “Man makes
plans, God makes decisions.”

That doesn’t stop her from imploring Him from time to time. “I always say,
‘God, f--- around and make me rich,’” she says. That way, she could rescue
more dogs.

She has the conversational energy of a pinball machine in a hurricane, each
topic breathlessly but delightfully crashing to the next — and she does not
hold her opinions back. In the same laughing breath, she’ll share her
feelings on:

• Chrissy Teigen’s cyberbullying scandal: “Throw that b---- under the bus, I
can’t stand her.”

• Her pups: “Dog backward is God, and I do not think that’s a coincidence. I
truly believe how you treat a dog on Earth is how you’re going to get
judged.”

• The crisis in Gaza: “Hamas is one thing, but what’s happening there is a
travesty and has been a travesty for a very long time.”

• Getting married at 41: “If you watch ‘Sex and the City,’ you know that s---
doesn’t happen! But it’s all God’s timing!”

• Online bullies: “That is indicative of a person who has nothing better to
do with their day. Nothing. Go ... volunteer at a dog rescue. What ... is
wrong with you? Go donate time at a children’s hospital. Honestly, you need a
change of perspective.”

• Roseanne Barr: “I love her. She’s one of those people who does not care if
she gets canceled. She’s going to speak her ... mind and call it a ... day.
She stands on the ground she stands on and won’t waver for anybody.”

• Uhh, me: “Wake up every day and feel grateful for your life, your little
pod in the world you created with your little wifey and your poochie. Bro,
you have that. Some people have nothing.”

• The Kardashians: “Don’t get me started on the Kardashians.”

• The Kardashians, at a later point: “They put themselves under such a
microscope, they can’t fart without being judged.”

A picture soon emerges: She strives to be a “voice for the voiceless. I
advocate for children and for animals.”

“I’m against all the -isms,” she says. “I’m against racism, ageism, sexism,
weightism, all the -isms.”

The Big Crack may have boosted her reach, making it easier to help others,
but it also exposed some of those -isms. She has been bullied her whole life,
finding solace onstage, creating art — but now she wakes up with hateful DMs
every single day.

“You really get how hated and despised overweight people are if you check out
the comments under my Jardiance video” on YouTube, she says.

“Nobody happy with their lives is saying the things they say to me online,”
she adds.

Anyway, there are bigger things to worry about. “Like, you should be mad that
there are Palestinian children being blown to bits today or what Hamas did in
Israel,” she says. “Be really mad about that. But to be mad at a diabetes
commercial, you’re warped.”

So she just kind of rolls her eyes. “Calling me ‘fat’ at 50 years of age?
I’ve heard ‘fat’ since I was 3,” she says. “What else you got?”

But she worries about others. It has become her mission “to inspire people
that look like me.” She accomplishes it through her body-positivity clothing
line, Bomb Chica Apparel, for which she trademarked the phrase, “I am a
masterpiece,” for apparel, and with that mantra, she closes each installment
of her TikTok cooking show, “Go Fork Ya Self,” for her nearly 300,000
followers: “I am a masterpiece. You are a masterpiece.”

“I hope Hollywood starts calling and looking at women like me, a real average
woman, and saying, ‘She could be the star of the show,’” Colón says. “We’re
focused on how people look instead of how people make other people feel. And
that bothers me.”

In the end, though, she tries to just ignore the trolls. They’re not going
anywhere, and she’s got better things to do.

“There’s an a-- for every saddle, and I’m not going to be for everybody,” she
says.

--
Let's go Brandon!

anim8rfsk

unread,
Oct 20, 2023, 5:28:44 PM10/20/23
to
Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
> A woman walks down the steps of a townhouse and breaks into song.
>
> I have Type 2 diabetes, but I manage it well.

And still, this grotesque fat bitch is going to hell!



It’s a little pill with a big
> story to tell!

That is such a stupid lyric, and yet whoever wrote, it is so proud of
themselves. They put it in the commercial like two or three times. It’s the
big tagline.


>
> Next thing you know, she’s in the midst of a razzle-dazzle dance routine in
> the center of a park with some of the happiest people who have ever lived as
> she sings about once-daily Jardiance, a diabetes pill that costs roughly $570
> a month.
>
> As time went on, it was easy to seeeeeeeeeee: I’m lowering my
> A1CCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!
>
> A letter carrier strolls by, explains how the medicine works and warns of the
> risk of a perineum infection. A director snaps the clapperboard in the
> commercial. Is he filming the commercial? Does he know he’s in a commercial?
> We’ll never know.
>
> The woman changes into a yellow dress for the big finale.
>
> Jardiance is really swell

But still, this grotesque fat bitch is going to hell!



The little pill with a big story to tell!
>
> It’s a scene familiar to anyone watching football this year. Or baseball. Or
> really any TV.
>
> “Be kind. Everyone is going through something. Heartache. Financial stress.
> Their bananas ripened too quickly. Having the song from the Jardiance
> commercial stuck in their head because it’s aired 5 million times a day,”
> tweeted writer Abby Heugel with only slight exaggeration.
>
> https://youtu.be/Aromts0OiHs
>
> It joins the lineage of capitalist earworms that dominate the brain, such as:
> “I want my baby back baby back baby back”; “Break me off a piece of that KIT.
> KAT. BAR.”; and “Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow ... ”
>
> “The Jardiance commercial makes me want to lower my A1C, and I don’t even
> know what that is,” tweeted one fan.
>
> And there, dancing at the center of every frame, is Deanna Colón, the
> exuberant singer.

The fat broad’s name is Colon?

>
> “This is a story of a woman who got handed Type 2 diabetes, and she’s making
> lemonade out of lemons,” Colón says of her now-ubiquitous character. “She’s
> living her best life.”

If you get handed demons, you should make demonaid.


>
> Despite some of the reactions to the commercial, Colón is, too.
>

Well, that’s just sad then.
OK up until now I just hated the commercial. Now I’m waiting for her to
drop dead of that heart attack. She’s courting.


and battles the many, many trolls who take umbrage with
> the jingle. “The haters are sad, pathetic people.

Not nearly so much as the supporters

There are wars going on,
> innocent people being mutilated but ignorant ass humans choose to add to the
> grief of this world by coming online and slamming a stranger,” she recently
> tweeted in response to a particularly nasty one. “It’s sick but my
> gratefulness and positivity is immune to it!”
>
> “She’s crazy, in the best way,” Hilton says. “Despite the fact that she’s
> married and her husband works and has a good job and she has 10 different
> jobs and she’s got all these dogs, … she doesn’t hire a cleaning person. She
> likes to clean her own house herself.”
>
> “What kind of a lunatic is that?” he adds. “What kind of an insane person
> loves cleaning her house?!”
>
> Her mouth would make a nun blush, but her faith runs deep. (To publish this
> in a family paper, we removed some — okay, a lot — of that language.) She
> believes God has a plan for her. He’s just always three steps ahead: “When
> it’s my time to make an impact globally, it’ll happen. And it’s going to
> happen on His time, not mine.” It’s like her mother always says: “Man makes
> plans, God makes decisions.”

Die die, die, die, die, die, die die die die die die, die, die, die, die,
fat, pig die, die, die, die die

>
> That doesn’t stop her from imploring Him from time to time. “I always say,
> ‘God, f--- around and make me rich,’” she says. That way, she could rescue
> more dogs.

You should rescue cats instead, so when you stroke out they can eat you

>
> She has the conversational energy

And intelligence

of a pinball machine in a hurricane, each
> topic breathlessly but delightfully crashing to the next — and she does not
> hold her opinions back. In the same laughing breath, she’ll share her
> feelings on:
>
> • Chrissy Teigen’s cyberbullying scandal: “Throw that b---- under the bus, I
> can’t stand her.”
>
> • Her pups: “Dog backward is God, and I do not think that’s a coincidence. I
> truly believe how you treat a dog on Earth is how you’re going to get
> judged.”

Die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, bloated, whale die


>
> • The crisis in Gaza: “Hamas is one thing, but what’s happening there is a
> travesty and has been a travesty for a very long time.”
>
> • Getting married at 41: “If you watch ‘Sex and the City,’ you know that s---
> doesn’t happen! But it’s all God’s timing!”
>
> • Online bullies: “That is indicative of a person who has nothing better to
> do with their day. Nothing. Go ... volunteer at a dog rescue. What ... is
> wrong with you? Go donate time at a children’s hospital. Honestly, you need a
> change of perspective.”
>
> • Roseanne Barr: “I love her. She’s one of those people who does not care if
> she gets canceled. She’s going to speak her ... mind and call it a ... day.
> She stands on the ground she stands on and won’t waver for anybody.”
>
> • Uhh, me: “Wake up every day and feel grateful for your life, your little
> pod in the world you created with your little wifey

Wait. What the hell is she married to?

and your poochie. Bro,
> you have that. Some people have nothing.”
>
> • The Kardashians: “Don’t get me started on the Kardashians.”
>
> • The Kardashians, at a later point: “They put themselves under such a
> microscope, they can’t fart without being judged.”

One of the Kardashian husband whores has a commercial for a product that
makes his house smell like home. I can’t imagine how foul that must be.


>
> A picture soon emerges: She strives to be a “voice for the voiceless. I
> advocate for children and for animals.”
>
> “I’m against all the -isms,” she says. “I’m against racism, ageism, sexism,
> weightism, all the -isms.”

Her very existence advocates hate against most of those things Are

>
> The Big Crack may have boosted her reach, making it easier to help others,
> but it also exposed some of those -isms. She has been bullied her whole life,
> finding solace onstage, creating art — but now she wakes up with hateful DMs
> every single day.
>
> “You really get how hated and despised overweight people are if you check out
> the comments under my Jardiance video” on YouTube, she says.
>
> “Nobody happy with their lives is saying the things they say to me online,”
> she adds.

Or maybe they’re just fine and you have it coming


>
> Anyway, there are bigger things to worry about. “Like, you should be mad that
> there are Palestinian children being blown to bits today or what Hamas did in
> Israel,” she says. “Be really mad about that. But to be mad at a diabetes
> commercial, you’re warped.”
>
> So she just kind of rolls her eyes. “Calling me ‘fat’ at 50 years of age?
> I’ve heard ‘fat’ since I was 3,” she says. “What else you got?”
>
> But she worries about others. It has become her mission “to inspire people
> that look like me.”

To throw themselves in a volcano?


She accomplishes it through her body-positivity clothing
> line, Bomb Chica Apparel, for which she trademarked the phrase, “I am a
> masterpiece,”

Of shit


for apparel, and with that mantra, she closes each installment
> of her TikTok cooking show, “Go Fork Ya Self,” for her nearly 300,000
> followers: “I am a masterpiece. You are a masterpiece.”

Of shit


>
> “I hope Hollywood starts calling and looking at women like me, a real average
> woman, and saying, ‘She could be the star of the show,’” Colón says. “We’re
> focused on how people look instead of how people make other people feel. And
> that bothers me.”
>
> In the end, though, she tries to just ignore the trolls. They’re not going
> anywhere, and she’s got better things to do.

Apparently she doesn’t

>
> “There’s an a-- for every saddle, and I’m not going to be for everybody,” she
> says.

The world will be a better place when garbage for you is for nobody.


>
> --
> Let's go Brandon!
>
>



--
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.

A Friend

unread,
Oct 20, 2023, 6:23:21 PM10/20/23
to
In article
<672347445.719529161.78...@news.easynews.com>,
anim8rfsk <anim...@cox.net> wrote:

> Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:

> > And there, dancing at the center of every frame, is Deanna Colón, the
> > exuberant singer.
>
> The fat broadąs name is Colon?


Deanna DellaCioppa Colón.

https://www.facebook.com/deannabombchica/

anim8rfsk

unread,
Oct 20, 2023, 8:05:50 PM10/20/23
to
A Friend <no...@noway.com> wrote:
> In article
> <672347445.719529161.78...@news.easynews.com>,
> anim8rfsk <anim...@cox.net> wrote:
>
>> Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
>
>>> And there, dancing at the center of every frame, is Deanna Colón, the
>>> exuberant singer.
>>
>> The fat broad¹s name is Colon?
>
>
> Deanna DellaCioppa Colón.
>
> https://www.facebook.com/deannabombchica/
>

I’d sooner watch the Runaway bride with Donna Noble again
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