DYLAN BAD POETRY CONTEST
John Edwards
I want to apologize for some facts. I received several entries, all very
interesting. Unfortunately, my computer has decided to play tricks with me
and it "lost" all of the entries, as well as a research project I had been
doing for a long time. So again, I extend my apologies to those who
submitted their poetry.
I encourage you to post them to the net- they were quite good. I
read most of them before my evil computer ate them. Dylan would have been
proud.
Sincerely,
John
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John J. Edwards 5514 S. University Ave.
University of Chicago Chicago, Illinois 60637
Student in the College (312) 702-5601
"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco."- David Byrne
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Alan Asper
jedw...@midway.uchicago.edu writes:
> A few weeks ago, I sponsored a contest requesting Bad Dylan poetry.
>I want to apologize for some facts. I received several entries, all very
>interesting. Unfortunately, my computer has decided to play tricks with
me
>and it "lost" all of the entries, as well as a research project I had
been
>doing for a long time. So again, I extend my apologies to those who
>submitted their poetry.
>
> I encourage you to post them to the net- they were quite good. I
>read most of them before my evil computer ate them. Dylan would have
been
>proud.
>
Poems down the virtual
toilet
Like David's drugs down the actual
toilet
toilet toilet
how you swirl
like the colors... of my mind
misty colored memories
wait a second
that's a
Streisand tune
shit
--Dylan McKay
AlGreen
You are like shis ka bob
And Donna?...
You are the tomato
--
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Richard N Kitchen
See my gun.
Bang bang, shoot shoot.
Almost shot my buddy.
Should have shot Brenda.
Why is my buddy doing my girlfriend?
maybe I should do his professor lady.
But it would be too much like work.
I have lots of money. I don't need to work.
--
Rick Kitchen da...@cleveland.freenet.edu
"Janitor in a Drum will flatten a good supply of vomit."
--Topi Rodriguez, "Black Tie Affair"
Song
Cuz I think I'm real mean
But my friends from the Hill
Then think I'm as cute to kill
I like to think I'm a strong quiet pensive lurker
But most of the time I'm just waiting for my constipation to get better
I like Kelly
cuz Benda's such a bitch.
Dylan
AlGreen
>Dylan
This was obviously written by that bad ass dude David the Rapper. Dylan
doesn't rhyme..it's uncool.
--
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David Hartmann
Our Love Non Est Delenda (Our Love Must Not Be Destroyed)
by D.M.
The woman I love
Like heaven above
Is also my very best friend-a
When everything's bleak
And I'm feeling weak
On her I can always depend-a
I want her to know
I'll always be so
That I'm not some kind of pretend-a
Though we've had rough times
And both been through crimes
Whatever is broken we'll mend-a
Most don't understand
What love can withstand
It's something they can't comprehend-a
I'll shout in all tongues
The top of my lungs
That our true love non est delenda
I tell all the world
My love shows, unfurled
Just how much I love my sweet Kelly
-----
One day as I sat in the deli
I took a good look at my Kelly
Her skin was still fair
But her derriere
Was looking like Andrea's belly
-----
I once saw a hot blonde named Taylor
And knew that one day I would nail her
My girl went to France
So I got my chance
What happens? It's all in the trailer....
-----
Carjack
by D.M.
I got a gun
To calm my nerves
But it just screwed up my head
Now I have none
Just one of life's curves
I'll roll up my windows instead
-----
So much depends upon
A grey Porsche
Glazed with rainwater
Beside the white chicks
Geoffrey Stewart
____
Bren
the watershed love of my life
her dam has burst
Soon
she will leave me
floundering in my latte
By the tortured winds
of the Scirocco
Brenda will depart
and Kelly my heart
shall have
Forsooth.
--Dylan McKay
William F. Tell
and say why
what is happiness?
is it found in the tribes in guatamala?
is it found in a peach pit?
is it found in bed with kelly?
no
I have money
but I have grief
DAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!
--Dylan McKay (sniff sniff)
----------------------------------------------------
Song
My hair is all I got,
although of money, I got a lot,
Kelly hums me good
Brenda's eyes look rude
Sometimes, I think of Brendan and David
it's weird cuz I get a woody thinkin' about it
--Dylan McKay
scottw
by Dylan McKay
Fuck you, I'm Dylan!
I'm so cool, man.
I just bought a new car.
With it, I'll drive far.
I also bought a gun, baby.
With it, I'll blow your fucking head off...
Maybe.
I own the Peach Pit.
We cook food there.
It's good.
Everything tastes like ice cream.
My VCR is on fast-forward.
Okay, now I'll rhyme.
Asshole, gimme that dime!
I'm so rich.
Hey, baby, will you be my bitch?
I have a little sister.
Damnit. My foot has a blister.
I can surf.
My penis is made of nerf(tm).
Brenda still digs me.
I'll see you later... I gotta go pee.
--
*****************************************************************************
* Scott Weintraub - sco...@wam.umd.edu - * "The extreme always seems to *
* University of Maryland at College Park * make an impression." *
* iN dREaMS i WalK wItH YoU * --J.D., "Heathers" *
*****************************************************************************
scottw
by Donna Martin
Hey, like what about me!!!
Hello, in real life,
I'm like a million times richer than Dylan!
I have like so much money,
I could like buy Dylan's honey.
My house is like so big,
I don't even need this 90210 gig.
In real life, I'm like Tori Spelling.
Hello, my dad is like Aaron Spelling?
The Fortune 400. He's like on it.
We're like billionaires!
So, like Dylan is nothing compared to me.
He's really like Luke Perry. Gee!
Seriously, I'm like so much richer.
Seriously!
Mike Gleeson
spring sunny day
light dancing on water
exploding parental cadillacs
love styfuls
Baja
surf the air
serene solitude sojourn
serendipitous Kelly bittersweet Brenda
LA quakes
green
deep sea
locking shallow bottle
grey skys blue clouds
Brandon
- Dylan McKay
JP...@cgrpc.watstar.uwaterloo.ca
>From: mgle...@angelo.amd.com (Mike Gleeson)
>Subject: Re: DYLAN BAD POETRY CONTEST
>Keywords: bad_to_worse
>Date: Thu, 10 Mar 1994 19:12:25 GMT
> flowers
> spring sunny day
> light dancing on water
> exploding parental cadillacs
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is perhaps the best line of prose (IM ever so HO) since the
start of bad Dylan poetry. I am forever in your debt for the much needed
laughter you gave me. Thank you, good sir.
Ronny Pudding
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Mark Treitel
MErickson
by Dylan McKay
Ocean, you are my mother;
Earth, you are my father.
Your union forever is violent:
Shattering cliffs, crushing boulders,
Murdering the quiet.
I ride of the wave
Born of the swell meeting land:
My sibling.
In awe of the power,
I glide to shore:
I am the sand.