90210 WEEKLY WRAPUP: 9/11/96
Daniel Drennan
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The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
[Happy New Year!]
So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
bunch of other stuff blocking the camera shot, and Clare is like, "so
when is your friend performing?" and Kelly is like, "the day after
tomorrow--you guys are going to be blown away by his magic--I watch him
perform his tricks over and over and I can't figure them out" and maybe
someone should tell Kelly that that is why they call it "magic", and I
have to question any self-respecting human being actually wanting to be
refered to as a magician when that puts them in the company of those
horror show Las Vegas Hair Queens Siegfried, Roy, and David Copperfield.
And Clare is like, "I can't figure out where he finds the energy to do
it" and Kelly is like, "Clare he's dying; he's not dead" like thank you
Kelly for qualifying him as 'dying', like maybe they shouldn't refer to
it as 'quality of life' but 'quality of dying', and meanwhile Kelly is
wearing this pale yellow J. Crew-ish dress with little purple flowers on
it, and Steve is wearing this fire-engine red shirt, and Clare is wearing
this striped multi-colored boob-holder top that ties around the neck and
blue hiphugger jeans, and Kelly is like, "Steve you gonna go?" and Steve
is like, "yeah as long as I don't have to swap any body fluids with him"
and Kelly is like, "I don't know what you see in him" and Clare is like,
"it's not what I see it's what I choose to ignore" and Steve is like,
"when I go I want to go quick--heart attack, orgasm--" and Clare is like,
"crib death" and Steve is like, "I'm just saying that I don't want to
take forever to die--it's depressing" and how scary is the whole
Hollywoodian fear of death cult anyway, and I could make an existential
point here about all we actually do for our whole lives is take forever
to die, and Clare is like, "you know Steve; always about him" and Kelly
is like, "well, I really need your support on this--I promise you the
show will not be depressing" and Steve is like, "Kelly, it will be
depressing" and walks away and Clare is like, "don't worry; if I have to
shoot him he'll be there--at least then he won't have to worry about
catching anything" and Kelly is like "thanks" and of course the emphasis
has in a split-second changed from going to see a magic act and being
entertained to going to see this guy dying of AIDS in order to SUPPORT
KELLY, like how ironic for these two to be pointing out STEVE'S
selfishness.
So then over at the Peach Pit, Nat is serving up a fried-egg sandwich and
oatmeal with bananas to David "You Send Me to the Moon" Silver and Dr.
Silver, and Nat is like, "5 X 7 of the new kid in town" and Dr. Silver is
like, "this kid is gorgeous" and Nat is like, "his belly button fell off
last week--a week ahead of schedule" and how disgusting is it for Nat to
be talking about his kid's belly button falling off as he serves food to
David and his father, and David and his father are both totally morose as
usual, like I think they gave the lobotomy to the wrong member of the
family. So David is totally ignoring his father as he digs into his food,
and Dr. Silver is like, "David, you know I am proud of the work that you
did, but college is important" and David is like, "not to me" and Dr.
Silver is like, "well to me it is, is that understood? And another thing,
I don't know why you have to leave the dorm; how do you expect to afford
this new place?" and David is like, "look dad I told you I moved into the
house because I thought I was going to be getting a new video deal" and
Dr. Silver, who is delivering his lines through some kind of Thorazine
haze, like the robot on _Lost in Space_ delivered lines with more emotion
than this guy, is like, "my point exactly" and David waits about five
minutes and is like, "look, I'm good; I'm one of the best I don't care
what MZA thinks" and Dr. Silver is like, "did you ever think about why
they didn't renew your contract?" and David is like, "yeah I did and I
don't think it has anything to do with me" and can someone please explain
to me whatever happened to the David Silver who was totally insecure and
worried about making the grade all the time like when did David go
through this complete character change, turning into a cocky obnoxious
homeslice, I mean I still think that Brian "Austin" Green admitting that
he needs help dressing in _People_ magazine and ackowledging the fact
that his CD only sold 2,000 copies should not have any effect on the
character of David on this show who should still be having a hard time
dealing with the fact that his best friend killed himself way back when.
So then Donna "Golem Hair" Martin comes up in one of her trademark green
boob halter tops and Donna is like, "hey David; hi Mel" like I can't
believe she calls Dr. Silver "Mel"; like I still can't call the parents
of my friends by their first names even after knowing them my whole life
like how RUDE is that, and Dr. Silver is like, "David was just telling me
about school" and Donna is like, "he was!" and Dr. Silver is like,
"college graduation to look forward to this year--next stop: the real
world" and I hate to be the one to break it to Dr. Silver that _The Real
World_, which, besides being the most obnoxious example of Anthropology
Gone Terribly Wrong, only accepts real people on the show so I don't
think that a character on _90210_ could even apply, but furthermore, you
would think that Dr. Silver would have higher aspirations for David than
getting him on some scary pool-of-egos television show on the equally
horrifying MTV. So then David is leaving and is like, "I don't want to be
late for class" and Donna goes racing after him and is like, "you told
him you were still in school?" and David is like, "it's really none of
your business" and Donna is like, "David, I think your father has a right
to know that you dropped out of school" and David is like, "yeah, and I
think I have the right to live my own life--later" and instead of poking
out David's eyes Donna goes running after him as he leaves the Peach Pit
and Donna is like, "David, there's still time for you to register" and
David is like, "I'll think about it" and Donna is like, "I hope you do;
school is important" and let me just say that it is really hard to take
someone seriously when she is dressed up in a Malibu Barbie lime-green
white-trimmed halter top and matching lime-green pants with white
patent-pleather sandals and white patent-pleather handbag. So David is
like, "don't give me that" and Donna is like, "there's just one more
year--besides, maybe it's just not the right time for your career right
now" and David is like, "well maybe my biggest problem was carrying
you--if I had been on my own I would have already moved on to another
project" and Donna is like, "well you're going to get your chance to
prove that; aren't you" and walks away and let me ask first of all why
are they coming out of the side door of the Peach Pit and why are people
behind them going IN the side door of the Peach Pit when the sign next to
the door says quite clearly, "please enter thru front door" and second of
all let me just say I don't think I would let an ENEMY treat me the way
Donna "Doormat" Martin lets her so-called friend and former boyfriend
David Silver treat her.
And I should probably mention at this point that the general trauma of
watching _90210_ this week was exacerbated by a sinus infection that I
think I caught on Saturday, since my father wanted me to come home and
help with this project that my hometown had set up with a "sister city"
in South America since one of my brothers is in the Peace Corps. down
there, and so some shipping company donated a twenty foot-long shipping
container as well as the shipping costs and all the town had to do was
fill it with school supplies, and medical supplies, and computers, and
bicycles, and other stuff and it would get shipped down there and so for
the past month my parents' house and garage and shed have been filled to
the brim with boxes from all over the township to the great consternation
of my mother. So I go home to help load up this container which is at the
municipal building, and meanwhile remnants of Hurricane Fran are coming
by in waves so that it is alternately sunny and pouring down rain, not to
mention two million degrees and 500% humidity, and no one in my family
agrees with me that we should clean out our garage by sending all the
junk in there down to South America in the container. And so I spent the
day soaked to the skin practically with rain and sweat, and we loaded up
the container with all this stuff which was totally physically exhausting
and by the end of the day I could tell I was coming down with what I
thought was a cold. And I've been particularly prone to sinus infections
ever since a couple of years ago when I was flying out to the west coast
to visit my best friend and _Inquisitor_ co-editor Laurel and as we were
landing in San Francisco after an interminably horrible flight I all of a
sudden felt this sharp stabbing pain in my eyeballs and it wasn't like
those times when you feel some pain and you have felt it before so you
can deal with it, it was like pain I had never felt before in my life
like someone was sticking red hot needles into my eyeballs; and so I'm
hunched over with my head between my knees as tears are streaming down my
cheeks yet instead of worrying about whether I am like bleeding from my
eyes or something I'm much more concerned with trying to see if ANYONE
ELSE is suffering from the horrible eyeball pain, like I can barely open
my eyes the pain is so bad but I am looking around the cabin peripherally
to see how everyone else is faring, like if I have to endure such
suffering, I basically want to know that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE. And no
one else seems to be going through it so I waited for us to land all the
while resigned to the fact that my eyeballs were about to explode from
within their sockets. So I ended up then with a sinus headache and
infection, which I blamed on the cabin pressure changes as we landed, and
so of course now I usually get a sinus infection after flying for any
extended amount of time, and I guess I can add low pressure areas moving
through to my list of sinus-infection triggers since I had a sinus
headache for like three days after hurricane Fran came by. And if there
could be anything worse than my sinus headache that lasted for three
days, it would definitely be my back seizing up which had me unable to
move much less sit at my computer and work, and the boyfriend thinks it's
from the air conditioning like I spend all day Saturday lifting stuff
into a truck container and don't even feel sore after but somehow
sleeping with the air conditioning on cramps up my back. So I am totally
convinced that it is stress-related, and I am of course on major
deadlines for a couple of projects and so what better way to prevent me
from working than to have my work-related stress build up in a huge knot
in my back, and I tried to make a valiant effort earlier in the week to
work at the computer, like I had one of those neck pad-brace things on
because it hurt holding my head up straight, and I had a heating pad tied
to my back using a long-sleeve shirt so that I could sit and work WITH
THE HEATING PAD ON MY BACK, and when I had to get up and get coffee or
something I would unplug the heating pad and then walk around with this
neck brace and heating pad tied to my back with the electric cord
dangling and trailing behind me making me look like something out of some
Terry Gilliam _12 Monkeys_ nightmare, and I call up my mother to tell her
that I think I have spinal meningitis and my mother, who is used to my
medical-reference-book rantings is all matter-of-fact, "no Dan, if you
had spinal meningitis you would be in the hospital" like how cool is it
knowing that no matter how insane I might become my mom will still remain
calm and collected and give me a matter-of-fact answer to my lunatic
ravings, and of course all I can think about is that with my sinuses
shot, and my back gone out, that at the age of 33 I am on the verge of
turning into Felix Unger.
So then Brandon "V05" Walsh and this guy Mark are at the so-called
University television station, and this guy Mark is timing Brandon's
piece which is some nonsense about the fact that the school year has
started again; just like when the school newspaper last year ran the
weird headline, "School Starts", this year we have Brandon telling
everyone ALREADY AT school via the SCHOOL television station that SCHOOL
HAS STARTED like how DUMB are the kids at CU anyway? And so Brandon is
saying inane things like, "back by popular demand, it's the school year"
which is a really weird thing to say, like I don't think you can say "the
school year is back" and how weird that English doesn't have any word
that means "the time after Labor Day" unlike French which has the word
"la rentree" to denote the sense of
general-going-back-to-school-has-started-after-vacation time of year. So
then Brandon is talking about "higher" education while we get shots of
beer kegs and then Brandon finishes up his car sales pitch and this guy
Mark who has been timing him is all, "perfect" and Brandon is worried
about finding someone "who can read it on the air" and Mark is all
listing the qualities that define every scary brainless talking head on
television news, and Brandon is all liking newspapers because "no one has
to read them to you" and this guy Mark is all, "that's because no one is
reading them anymore" which is such an annoying thing to say, like they
should take this guy Mark's wooden head and recycle it for newsprint. So
then this guy Mark is all explaining how they are going to have "75,000
people watching" and isn't it great to know that if you are a
communications major at CU that you are taught that more important than
editorial integrity or anything else is RATINGS like how obviously is
this a Fox television show which blurs the line between editorial content
and advertising all the time in order to pump up ratings, and which
editorializes on the news like tonight on the so-called Fox News with
that chowderhead Rosanna Scotto whose lead story was about some poor
schmuck's public access cable show which "portrayed Satanism" and
"attacked Christians" but before we get to that story, "he was considered
by some to be a devil, but was also a saint of the rap world--Tupac
Shakur is dead tonight" LIKE WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE IS THAT and then they
go right into a call to "clean up cable" of so-called Satanic public
access shows, like this one show represents one-hundredth of one percent
of what is spewed out by the 100% non-liberal corporate-owned television
and we need to "clean it up" meanwhile _Married With Children_ is now in
distribution worldwide and the Fox News channel is coming because Rupert
Murdoch paid a per-subscriber fee to all the cable companies in the
country knocking other channels like Lifetime off the air. So then just
to prove my point this guy Mark is all, "if you want to reach the boobs
you gotta be on the tube" and Brandon is all, "nice to know you aren't
going to talk down to our audience" like that has to be the most telling
meta-exchange of this show's history and this guy Mark is all, "that's
what anchors are for" and then Brandon is all picking up a pile of
audition tapes to look through and this guy Mark is all, "I don't think
we should hire someone just for looks" and Brandon is all, "well not bad
ones, anyway".
Back at the Peach Pit Nat is showing his baby pictures to Valerie
Hyphen-Name and Kenny Bannerman and Valerie is wearing this rather nice
black, brown, and white huge-floral-print top and Nat gets up to leave
and Val is all, "you thinking about Michael" and Kenny is all, "yeah--the
first year of his life was the best year of mine" and then he is all
switching the topic of conversation back to business and the bids on
renovation that Val got which are "low, middle, and not in this lifetime"
and then Val is all, "I've got to go to class" and she starts to thank
Kenny who is all, "you don't have to thank me, it's nice to feel
appreciated for a change" and Val is all, "things that bad with Diane?"
and Kenny is all, "not that I care...what she thinks of me it's just that
her thinking could...influence the judges...decision on custody of
Michael" and can I just ask why Kenny is talking like Christopher Reeve
and Val is all, "well, I think you're terrific" and Kenny is all, "you
know I've fallen for you" and Val is all, "you make it sound like a
curse" and Kenny is all, "isn't it" and Val is all, "I would never make
you choose between me and your family, but whatever happens between us,
is with no strings attached, okay?" which I think translates into, "I am
a big doormat; let me just roll myself out for you to walk all over with
your cleated shoes" and then Kenny looks at Val and then Val looks at
Kenny real hard.
Back at the TV studio Brandon and this guy Mark are looking at audition
tapes which they reject one and all and this guy Mark is like, "this is
all junk" and I have to say that the women in the audition tapes were at
least able to deliver their lines better than this guy Mark; and then we
get the whole lead-up-to-the-girl routine, like back and forth, "who are
we going to get", "oh we'll find someone", "not before the day after
tomorrow", "someone will show up" "we'll have to push our start time
back" like maybe this guy Mark shouldn't have been partying in his
Hollywood Hills swimming pool and at the beach club all summer long and
then this girl walks in and what a surprise is like, "I hear you guys are
auditioning for anchors" and this guy Mark and Brandon are introducing
themselves and this girl who is wearing a red sun dress with white
graffiti all over it is like, "Tracy Gaylian; greenhorn" and they ask her
if she has a tape and Tracy is like "no" and they ask her if she's ever
been on television before and Tracy is like, "no" and they ask her if she
has ever been in front of a camera and Tracy is like, "my mom's Polaroid"
and Brandon, who pops a tiny boner is like, "works for me, right this
way--we'll practice tonight and audition tomorrow" and that last bit was
I swear dubbed onto the tape at the last minute and let me just add that
they should probably change the title "Television News Director" to
something more apropos, like, say, "Entertainment Purveyor".
So then we go to that so-called Friendship House hospice place and
everyone is just sitting around dying as Kelly so wonderfully pointed out
at the beginning of the show and Blossom's brother is showing her a
picture album and Kelly meanwhile is wearing overalls again, like
whenever she works at the hospice she puts on farm clothes, like nice
farm animal projection, Kelly. And Kelly goes, "who's that" and Blossom's
brother goes, "my Aunt Helen--we took her on a Carnival Cruise for her
80th birthday" and then he says something that I SWORE sounded like,
"that Nazi Kathie Lee killed her" but which turns out to be "not seeing
Kathie Lee killed her" and then Kelly is pointing to Blossom's brother's
puce shirt and Blossom's brother goes, "Gordon always said I was the
master of selective flamboyance" and then he points out Gordon who "has a
kind face" according to Kelly and then my ALL-TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER on
this show comes walking up, Queen Bitch Hal who goes, "well, if it isn't
the angel of mercy herself!" like HOW MUCH DO I LOVE HAL and why don't
they give him a continuing role? So then Blossom's brother goes, "why
don't you drop it" and Kelly goes all martyr, "why don't you join us for
dinner?" and Hal goes, "thanks but no--I don't want to be pitied" and all
I can say is GOD BLESS HAL. So then Blossom's brother is all apologizing
for Hal's behavior, and goes to the kitchen to "start dinner", and Kelly
goes, "what can I do to help?" and Blossom's brother goes, "can you get
me a knife" which he is very careful to explain how he doesn't want the
tiny paring knife, but the huge scimitar which is in the scimitar block,
and he starts on the celery and Kelly goes, "how about I do the lettuce"
and meanwhile someone has arranged all of the green vegetables in a huge
bowl, like the lettuce and broccoli and cabbage are all arranged in a
bowl all Martha Stewart-esque, and Kelly is ripping up lettuce right on
the counter, like she's ripping it up but not putting it in a bowl or
anything, and meanwhile Blossom's brother is chopping away while talking
to her with that huge knife of his going on and on about how photographs
are mementos that you have to treasure since when you can't look forward
looking back means an awful lot and meanwhile you totally know where this
scene is going since the exact same thing happened to that
caught-in-the-headlights Matt gay guy from _Melrose Place_ who was going
out with one of his closeted boyfriends who cut himself while CHOPPING
SALAD like maybe the Centers for Disease Control should look into SALAD
MAKING as one of the prime causes of HIV transmission. So then Blossom's
brother cuts his finger and pulls his hand away and it was just like the
time when I was finishing up a year at Parson's School of Design and I
was matting one of my final projects that I had worked on day and night
for three weeks straight and I was cutting the matte board and I was so
tired I didn't notice my finger hanging over the edge of the ruler and so
I ended up slicing up my index finger and the sickest thing was that my
initial reaction was to pull my hand away and cross the room before I
looked to see what had happened since I DIDN'T WANT TO BLEED ON MY FINAL
PROJECT like how sick is that and Kelly goes to get some paper towel and
meanwhile Blossom's brother is cursing himself out, "way to go!" and
Kelly wraps up his hand and then pulls her hands away and they are
covered in blood and Blossom's brother goes, "you should wash that off"
and Kelly does this weird thing where she turns and stares at the sink as
she turns and walks toward it and then she is washing her hands off and
Blossom's brother goes, "do you have any cuts? Rashes? A ripped cuticle?"
and Kelly goes, "no" and Blossom's brother goes, "good" and then Kelly
goes, "all this blood--it's infected" and Blossom's brother goes,
"yes--I'm sorry" and Kelly starts scrubbing her hands with Comet and
Blossom's brother goes, "Kelly, you can't get AIDS this way--it's one in
a million--it's one in a billion--now this I know" and Kelly goes, "I'm
sure you're right" and Blossom's brother hangs his head as if he's done
something wrong, and Kelly continues to freak out and let me just ask how
obnoxious is that "I'm sure your right" like "I don't really believe you,
but I don't want to hurt your feelings" and wouldn't you think that
someone who was going to work in an AIDS hospice might be briefed on the
current wisdom regarding HIV transmission, I mean wouldn't you spend a
little time perhaps researching HIV if you were GOING TO WORK IN AN AIDS
HOSPICE?
Back at CUTV Tracy is doing her audition tape in a Chanel-esque black
dress and Brandon is exhorting her to "look into the camera with the red
light" and Tracy is like, "they both have red lights" and Brandon is
like, "okay, look at the camera where the red light is ON" and Tracy is
like, "I knew that" and I have to say that I am a bit surprised that
Brandon hasn't boinked Tracy yet.
Up in the Hollywood Hills, queenie David is trying to find a job on the
phone by pretending to be an agent representing "David Silver, of David
Silver Productions" and I hate to tell David that that ruse might work
better after his voice changes and let me just add that only a big queen
would go to the trouble of making Margaritas in salted glasses in order
to get wasted, like just drink the Tequila straight up for God's sake and
in the meantime we get this cross-promotional shot of the video David is
watching on television which is thankfully NOT his so-called video for
"You Send Me" in which Brian "Austin" Green dresses up like David Silver
with that stupid metal dog chain around his neck and he samples the song
"You Send Me" only it's the version sung by Ralph Kramden because the
chorus goes, "You Send Me to the Moon" and I think that criminal charges
should be brought up against Sony for this horrifying CD and video.
Back at CUTV, which I guess follows the Montessori School tradition in
newscasting, I mean there are no walls separating the studio from
anything else, so all of the next shots include people milling around in
the background talking and carrying on around file cabinets like I would
hate to be the audio engineer for this station. And Brandon is doing this
weird Hollywood voice, "you were greaaaaaaat, Traaaaaace" like now he's
calling her 'Trace' and this guy Mark doesn't agree, and then one of the
cameramen is scoping in on her legs underneath the table, like nice
professional behavior, and the director for the news show is like, "last
I checked she didn't speak with her legs" and the camera guy is like, "I
don't know, they sure speak to me" like SHUT UP camera guy and go back to
your day job serving frozen yogurt. So then the director is calling shots
and they are rolling tape and somehow we get a tape of a caged monkey
which I am sure is a metaphor for SOMETHING on this show and this guy
Mark starts to freak out and Tracy saves the day by ad-libbing something
about "caged animals" and this guy Mark is like, "she's good" and Brandon
is like, "but we never had a doubt, did we".
Back at the Clare/Donna/Kelly Compound, Kelly is in the bathroom
obsessive-compulsively scrubbing her hands in a white V-neck T-shirt and
blue Tartan shorts, like please keep reminding me that Kelly is a
psychology major since she is so well-equipped to deal with psychological
problems, and then in walks Donna talking on the phone to Dr. Silver whom
she's still calling 'Mel' and she promises him "we'll find it; it's got
to be around here somewhere" and meanwhile Donna is wearing this cut-off
tank top T-shirt and hiphugger shorts and Kelly is still just scrubbing
away, like maybe someone should clue Kelly in to the lifespan of HIV
outside the body right after they explain the means of transmission to
her. So then Donna is explaining that Dr. Silver is looking for Erin's
coloring book, and Kelly is all non-sequitur, "Donna did you know that
one in four people newly infected with HIV is under the age of 22?" like
thanks for that public service announcement Kelly and Donna is like, "no
I didn't" and Kelly, all worked up is all, "it's the number one cause of
death for 25- to 44-year-olds; most of them got infected when they were
our age" and Donna is all, "are you okay?" and Kelly is all, "yeah I'm
okay" and then Blossom's brother calls and Kelly is all taking it in her
room and then Blossom's brother is all apologizing and Kelly is all, "I'm
okay, don't be sorry" and then Blossom's brother is all, "I forgot
everything in my act" and Kelly is all, "it's good to be nervous; that'll
give you the competitive edge" and Blossom's brother is all wanting Kelly
to come over to watch him go over his act and Kelly is all begging out of
it and meanwhile we've got two slow zoom-in cam shots going on both Kelly
and Blossom's brother and Blossom's brother is all making an excuse up to
get off the phone and Kelly is all, "I'll call you; I'll be there every
other day like always" and Blossom's brother is all, "whatever, I know
you're busy" and then we get a big closeup of Kelly hanging up and then
we get a big closeup of Blossom's brother looking so so sad and then we
get a shot of Kelly looking so so sad right back at him.
So then we get a commercial for some movie called _Tombstone_ starring
Brandon Walsh and I guess this is the movie where Brandon goes back to
the Wild, Wild West to find his true love Dylan.
So then we're back in the PPAD, and Kenny got a reduction in construction
costs for the PPAD renovation which Val says is a "cause for a
celebration" only Kenny can't take her out because it is parent's night
at his son's school and meanwhile someone should tell Val that she
shouldn't wear sports bras under her tight white T-shirt because it
results in that "boob shelf" look and Kenny is "looking out for Michael's
best interest" and Val demands to know if he's getting divorced and says
that he "can't use them to come between you and me" and let me just say
if I were Val I would ask for double the salary for having been dealt
this incredibly boring story line, and let me just point out the woman in
the background of the scene pretending to be sweeping only her broom is
six inches above the floor.
Over at the Clare/Donna/Kelly Compound, Dr. Silver has come over to pick
up the coloring book that Erin was pitching a fit over, like it's good to
know that the new crop of Beverly Hills children are just as overindulged
as the last bunch and Donna is wearing a scary pink, orange, yellow,
purple, and white Malibu Barbie plaid sleeveless shirt and skirt combo,
and she has her hair frozen in that Golem helmet of clay look that is so
frightening, and Dr. Silver is again delivering his lines as if he just
took a handful of barbiturates, and he is praising Donna and David's
video work, and Dr. Silver is like, "you guys are really talented" and
Donna, having already internalized all of David's obnoxious put-downs, is
like, "David's the talent; I was just along for the ride" and then Dr.
Silver is sorry that they had "a falling out" but at least "he's back in
school" and then Donna reveals that in fact David isn't in school and Dr.
Silver, who catches on so quickly is like, "the truth is that he's
dropped out" and Donna is like, "he's trying to find another job--I'm
pretty sure that I was right to tell you" and Dr. Silver is like,
"yeah--of course--listen, thanks for the book" and let me just ask how
weird is it for Donna to wonder aloud whether she did the right thing;
like it is pretty amazing the way she stands up straight her having no
spinal column and all.
Back at Casa Walsh, Steve is doing sports color commentary with a
Freudian ear of corn as a microphone and Steve is all, "welcome to Sports
Center alongside my tag-team partner Brandon Walsh, I am merely, Steve
Sanders" and how scary are sports announcers anyway, like I remember when
I was at Syracuse University and I moved out of the dorms my sophomore
year because my roommate was a big lunking Deadhead who did poppers all
the time and once paid a 60-year-old toothless hooker to give him a
blowjob at a frat rush party, and I moved into what they called "Village"
housing which was more like apartments than dorms, and one of my
roommates was a dance major who spent all of his time singing opera and
listening to harpsichord music, and my other roommate was this guy Roger,
who was in the so-called Newhouse School of Communications learning how
to be a sports commentator, and I couldn't bring myself to tell him that
no network was going to hire him with his Great Lakes Basin accent, and
for HOURS ON END he would make audition tapes pretending to be doing
sports commentary for basketball games, like I would be trying to work
and all day long I would have to listen to him going, "LIVE FROM THE
CARRIER DOME THE SYRACUSE ORANGEMEN", I mean what kind of sick world is
it when I had to take daily abuse about being an art major from Roger and
his friends, even though I was staying up day and night to finish design
projects, when this guy Roger's homework seemingly consisted of nothing
more than screaming at the top of his lungs into a tape recorder. So
meanwhile Steve is wearing a queeny grey tank top and denim shorts with
no belt and maybe Steve wants to relax his grip a little on that ear of
corn and Brandon is all explaining how they don't have a sports report
and Steve, who should lay off smoking crack, is all going on and on about
ESPN sports anchors, and Brandon is all "focusing on the news" and Steve
is all, "the news huh? I bet you're focusing on that news anchorwoman"
and Brandon is all, "I'm not getting into this with you" and Steve is
all, "and why not?" and Brandon is all, "because it's none of your
business" and then Val walks in and is all, "hey guys" and Brandon is
all, "hey Val--hey Val! Val! Val! Don't you want to stop and smell the
roses?" like what kind of weird thing is that to say and Val is all,
"nice cliche;" and walks out of the kitchen and Steve and Brandon come
prancing in after her and Brandon is even doing this weird pantomime
rabbit hands-bent-up-under-his-chin prancing maneuver and Brandon is all,
"so who are the flowers from, secret admirer?" and Val is all
matter-of-fact picking up her roses from the pinball machine, "secret
from you guys!" and Brandon is all ESPN imitation, "you can't stop her!"
and Steve is all, "you can only hope to contain her!" and maybe after
plugging ESPN Brandon and Steve are going to be guest stars on some ESPN
show like the way that Steve got to be in a Roger Corman movie after they
devoted a whole show to Roger Corman, and they high-five and then go into
the kitchen to get back to playing with their corn on the cob.
Over at the Clare/Donna/Kelly Compound, Kelly is up looking at photo
albums when out comes Donna in full makeup and a butt-revealing white
nightie with spaghetti straps, and Donna is all concerned about Kelly and
offers to make her some tea and Kelly is like, "I'm fine; just go back to
sleep" so then Clare comes out in a white bathrobe with blue stars on it
and she is like, "what's going on" and Donna is like, "that's what I'd
like to know" and Kelly is like, "I wasn't going to tell you guys, but
I'm going crazy here" and Clare, in full makeup as well is like, "what?"
and Kelly is all explaining about how she got some of Blossom's brother's
blood on her and Clare is like, "I know you're freaking, but I don't
think you can get AIDS that way" and Donna is all offering to call her
dad, and Kelly is losing it big time and is like, "if I can't get it that
way, then why is everyone telling me to call a doctor?" and Clare is
like, "for your piece of mind" and Kelly is like, "it's not working" and
Clare goes to prepare an "over-the-counter remedy" for "guaranteed rest"
which is hot milk and Kelly is like, "you guys are the best" and Donna is
like, "thanks" like how weird is that and then Donna is like, "you'll
feel better in the morning" and she goes to help Clare in the kitchen and
Donna is like, "is she going to be okay" and Clare is like, "I don't
know" like BIG HELP you two are.
So then over at Reston Medical Center Kelly, wearing a long-sleeved white
shirt and black pants is in a doctor's office and a non-white nurse is
putting on latex gloves and let me just say that even more annoying than
the fact that all of the secondary character roles on this show are
played by non-white actors purportedly to give some "balance" to the
racial makeup of the show is the scary and disturbingly ironic knowledge
that the casting agents in Hollywood either placed ads or called up
agencies specifically asking for "ethnics" to play these roles. So anyway
Kelly goes, "I'm sure you're not going to need those; it's not like I'm
infected or anything, I figure it's better to be safe, you know?" and can
I just ask before I pop a blood vessel HAS KELLY BEEN TO A DOCTOR OR A
DENTIST OR ANY KIND OF HEALTH PROVIDER IN THE PAST 15 YEARS? I mean, has
she not noticed the routine and everyday wearing of latex gloves and
masks and eye protection by health providers who might be exposed to
blood, and the general NON-HYSTERICAL way that people who deal with
possibly infected blood on a day-to-day basis conduct themselves? So the
nurse thankfully is in total "whatever" mode and goes, "please roll up
your sleeve" and Kelly goes, "sure" and as she rolls up her sleeve she
exposes these marks that look like someone burned her with a car
cigarette lighter or something and Kelly goes, "what is that" and the
nurse goes, "AIDS rash--Kaposi's sarcoma" and if you want to be technical
Kaposi's Sarcoma is a tumor or cancer and not an "AIDS rash" and Kelly
runs over to the mirror and undoes her blouse and does her imitation of
James Dean in _Hollywood Babylon_ and then of course Kelly wakes up and
the first thing she does is check her arms for sarcomas and then she runs
to the mirror to check her chest because of course the most frightening
thing about AIDS to Kelly is the possibility of disfiguring tumors on her
alabaster skin.
So the next morning Kelly is at the Reston Medical Center for real to see
Dr. Stein and she is wearing a black dress with a fractal white print and
who comes in but Blossom's brother who is there to pull magic roses out
of Kelly's ear, and Kelly is like, "how'd you find me?" and Blossom's
brother is like, "I tricked one of your roommates into telling me--I can
be convincingly dramatic when the spirit moves" and let's see, how has
Blossom's brother characterized himself so far on the show, well we
started off with "selectively flamboyant" and now we have "convincingly
dramatic" which I guess leaves, "swishy", "nelly", and "flaming" left to
go in the Roget's Queer Thesaurus of character descriptions. So Blossom's
brother is like, "are you okay?" and Kelly is like, "in my head I know I
am okay; but I can't help feeling terrified" and Blossom's brother is
like, "that's how I felt every time I got tested" and Kelly gives him
this really long this-is-about-ME look and is like, "I want to go through
this alone" and then Blossom's brother is going on about how "it's okay
to be scared" and how he and Gordon tested negative, only he was
monogamous and Gordon wasn't, and Kelly is like, "I can't believe there's
an incurable disease that kills lovers" like what a weird thing to say,
and then Kelly is being called in to see the doctor, and Blossom's
brother is like, "it's okay if you want to turn away from me", like this
is the new self-victimizing credo of all "Others" on this show, just like
how Mariah said to Brandon "you can walk away from me", like the test of
a Beverly Hillster's virtue is how beneficently they patronize some
"Other" character. So then Kelly is like, "wish me luck, would you?" and
Blossom's brother is like, "who'd bet on a billion-to-one shot?"
Back at CUTV, this guy Mark is telling Brandon that he is a "natural at
this" and meanwhile Tracy is "freaking out" because she "can't do this
show" and she "needs a drink".
Back at Reston Medical Center, Kelly is talking to Dr. Stein, and then
all of a sudden we get the fifteen-years-too-late public service
announcement about how you contract HIV, and then Dr. Stein grills Kelly
about her past sexual history of drug-using, condom-ignoring guys like
Colin, and Kelly is like, "I'm sure I'm fine" and Dr. Stein is like, "I'm
sure you're fine too" and Kelly is like, "then why am I so scared?" and
Dr. Stein is like, "because everything about this disease is terrifying"
which I think is loading it on pretty thick even for a so-called
television drama, and I realize that it is important to get information
about HIV to young people, especially when the government refuses to take
on a role which could prevent a lot of unnecessary deaths due to AIDS,
but I don't think it helps too much to turn it into this horrifyingly
traumatic event, I mean I can remember back in the 80s if you wanted to
get tested and didn't have a private doctor you had to go to one of the
hospitals on 1st Avenue and everything about the whole procedure was
humiliating; like first you were directed to a room unmarked and separate
from the main part of the hospital where you signed in and received a
number, then you received a bit of counseling and a date to come back and
get your test, like the whole experience was shrouded in shame especially
during the terrifying two weeks after the test that you waited for your
results, and how different is that from today when your doctor simply
checks off the HIV box on your blood test lab form. And it is pretty
typical of _90210_ to ignore the rather matter-of-fact way that AIDS
exists and is dealt with in the medical community, and it is a bit
strange for the show to deal with AIDS long after the time that it was
fashionable to deal with AIDS, I mean I can remember when playing someone
with HIV/AIDS (much less a gay character) on television would have been
the end of that actor's career, but then we went through the whole
obnoxious red ribbon era of AIDS where actors were literally fighting to
appear in movies like _And The Band Played On_ and _Philadelphia_ in a
sick good-for-my-career, I'm-so-socially-conscious kind of way, but it
still bothers me that the shame factor is still there, like anyone who is
going to write about AIDS for television should be required to read Susan
Sontag's _AIDS and Its Metaphors_ in order to avoid the cliched portrayal
of AIDS as this apocalyptic, stigma-inducing, shameful, my-life-is-over
disease, like the WHOLE PROBLEM is that no one wants to talk about AIDS
and no one wants to deal with AIDS and for that very reason we will be
dealing with AIDS for a long, long time.
Okay. I just want to say that the Val/Kenny storyline is the equivalent
of the Dylan/Noxzema girl storyline and it is all the will I can muster
to describe it. Val and Kenny make plans to go out to dinner.
Up in the Hollywood Hills, Dr. Silver is giving his lithium-heavy line
delivery to David, who is ignoring everything he says and is instead
offering him something from the refrigerator which is "stocked", and Dr.
Silver is like, "pool, cabana, bar area--if I were you I'm not sure I'd
get any studying done" and David is again ignoring him and offering his
father something to drink and Dr. Silver is like, "then again, who
studies senior year, am I right?" and David is like, "you like lemonade?"
like PLEASE SLAP YOUR SON DR. SILVER and Dr. Silver is like, "I'm trying
to give you an opening here, David" and David is like, "for what" and Dr.
Silver is like, "I'm not supporting you if you're not in school" and
David takes like five years to answer and is like, "who told you?" and
Dr. Silver is like, "the point is that you didn't" and David is like,
"dad, I was going to as soon as I got another job--this is what I want,
can't you understand that?" and Dr. Silver is like, "fine--don't ask me
for help" and David is like, "I'll pay you back" and Dr. Silver is like,
"I said no" and David is like, "fine--I don't need your money anyway" and
Dr. Silver is like, "good--because I put a stop payment on your
check--you want to do this, you do it alone" and all I can say is NICE
SPINE, DR. SILVER!!!!!!!
So the next scene shows Brandon and this guy Mark and Tracy at a bar, and
they are plying Tracy with Scotch, and she admits that this is her "first
drink" after they wonder whether she can "hold her liquor" and obviously
she can't because she passes out on the bar.
So then we get a commercial for an at-home HIV test and there is
something deeply disturbing about this commercial and the show in general
like let's scare people to death with the threat and stigma of AIDS and
then advertise an at-home HIV test.
So next we get the continuing not-funny bits where Tracy is playing with
makeup and Brandon is worried that "someone is going to be embarrassed"
and then Tracy goes to puke her guts up and Brandon is like, "oh no--no,
no no no!"
So next at the Clare/Donna/Kelly Compound Kelly is all morose, "I just
want you guys to know that if I test positive, I'll move out" like WHAT
IS KELLY'S PROBLEM like can we please revoke her so-called degree in
psychology and meanwhile Clare is all, "Kel--even Dr. Stein said you're
fine" and Kelly is all, "I know, but now I'm worried about al the guys
I've been with, not that little bloodbath" and first of all, I don't
think it was a "bloodbath" and second of all, GOOD MORNING KELLY like I
can't believe Kelly hasn't had chlamydia, or crabs, or herpes, or
gonorrhea already. So Donna is all, "would you stop it" and Kelly is all,
"that's easy for you to say Donna; you're a virgin" like OUCH how HARSH
is Kelly, like that is the most brilliant thing Kelly has ever said and
Donna just takes it, like I can't believe that Donna just sits there all
doormat and TAKES THAT from Kelly!! So then Kelly is all, "I have to face
up to the possibilities of this; now I've never asked any guy I've been
with whether he's been tested--I just wish they would call, you know, I
just want to get this over with" and first of all, someone should clue
Kelly in to the fact that even if she tests negative she still needs to
get tested every six months, and second of all, I think I'd rather get my
test results IN PERSON from my doctor, and third of all, WHAT THE HELL IS
CLARE WEARING? Like, Clare is wearing this grey/silver sparkly spandex
tube top, and scary yellow and black speckled jeans, and her hair is
pulled up into two tiny Brussel sprout-looking knobs on her head, like
Clare right now looks like a cross between Ginger Grant and Lee
Meriwether playing Catwoman on _Batman_.
Meanwhile David is still drinking his queeny Margaritas and is being told
that his video isn't "stylish enough" which seems to come as a great blow
to poor David, whereas I think they were letting him off easy.
Meanwhile at CUTV, a drunk Tracy is about to go on, and this guy Mark
goes, "what do you think" and Brandon goes, "she's had six cups" and this
guy Mark goes, "and?" and Brandon goes, "she threw up six cups" and can
someone PLEASE clue Brandon in to the fact that COFFEE DOES NOT MAKE YOU
LESS DRUNK like he did the same thing with Austin when Ryan got alcohol
poisoning like next thing you know this show will show someone having sex
standing up since that way "you can't get pregnant". So of course just as
the red light goes on on her camera Tracy snaps to and gives a perfect
take and Brandon goes, "you did great kid" and Tracy goes, "thanks, but
you don't have to shout" and Brandon just looks all smiley at his next
boink conquest.
At the Clare/Donna/Kelly Compound, Clare and Donna and Kelly are sitting
vigil waiting for Kelly's test results and meanwhile Donna is wearing
this blouse that looks like a Peter Max Technicolor Dreamcoat nightmare,
and when the phone FINALLY does ring, no one wants to get up and answer
it, and Clare gives the phone to Kelly, and Kelly is all, "moment of
truth I guess" and then Kelly is all, "hello--this is Kelly Taylor--oh,
thank you" and then she hangs up and is all, "negative" and Clare and
Donna are all hugging her and Clare is all, "I told you" and then they
dub in, "let's get ready for Blossom's brother's magic show" and of
COURSE Kelly doesn't have HIV, since that would make her a pariah since
only "other" people get HIV.
So then at "La Cabaret" this guy Mark can't believe all the people
calling in in praise of Tracy and Brandon is like, "a star is born" and
then this guy Mark is asking Brandon if he can sit next to Kelly who is
now wearing a black dress with another fractal white pattern on it
meanwhile Donna has her Golem helmit hair barretted back on one side and
is wearing a black dress with a _Laugh In_ white pattern on it and she is
like, "David, I know you are upset but now is not the time" and David is
like, "I can't believe what you did you ruined my life" and Donna is
like, "do you think you've had enough to drink yet?" and David is like,
"there you go just shovel a little more holier-than-thou" LIKE CAN
SOMEONE PLEASE POUND A STAKE THROUGH DAVID'S BEADY EYES RIGHT NOW and
Donna, who I can't even believe is deigning to talk to David, is like,
"look, I only did what I thought was right" AND HERE WE GO WITH THE
SCHIZO AND DOORMAT PART OF THE SHOW like does every show have to end with
David apologizing for his boorish behavior which he ONCE AGAIN now
proceeds to do and Donna is like, "you'll have plenty of opportunities"
and David is like, "after I graduate--I'll go, but school has nothing to
do with what I want" which basically sets up the plot line in which
school does INDEED have something that David wants and maybe David will
get a job tending coffee bar in the school commons or something and can I
just ask shouldn't David be going home for Rosh Hashanah?
So then Blossom's brother comes on to the stage and everyone starts
clapping and there's Steve and Clare, nightmares in blue, like Steve is
wearing a blue shirt and Clare is wearing a matching bright blue halter
top and can I just ask what is it with the boob holders that Clare and
Donna insist on wearing on the show, like they have to be the most white
trash non-attractive pieces of clothing I have ever seen in my entire
life. So then Blossom's brother is looking for a volunteer which turns
out to be Steve who doesn't really want to go up there, and Blossom's
brother is asking for a "bill, a five, a ten--" and Steve comes up with a
hundred-dollar bill and Blossom's brother is like, "do you have good
eyes" and Steve is like, "when it comes to my money, yeah!" and Blossom's
brother is like, "repeat after me--'I am the straight man'" and Steve is
like, "you can say that again" and let me just say that the most
virulently homophobic or expositorially heterosexual men are usually the
ones most internally closeted like queeny Steve. So then Blossom's
brother turns Steve's C-note into a one-dollar bill and through the magic
of video editing Steve's money ends up in his shirt pocket. So then
Blossom's brother starts coughing discomfortingly, and everyone is
looking at each other in the audience, and Kelly goes up to give him some
water, and then next thing you know Blossom's brother has a frog in his
hand since he guesses he had "a frog in his throat" and Steve gives a
very relieved "whooooo" and Blossom's brother thanks his "lovely
assistant" Kelly.
Meanwhile, in the BelAge Hotel which is where Brandon boinked Lily, Val
is walking around her hotel suite dressed in of course a low-cut mini red
dress and Val is all, "I hope you're hungry, I ordered something special
for you" and Kenny is all, "you think I'll like it?" and Val is all, "I
think you'll devour the whole entire thing" and they start boinking each
other.
Back at the AIDS hospice Blossom's brother is looking through Kelly's
photo albums, and he points to Brandon who he thinks is "cute", and he is
all, "someone special?" and Kelly is all, "yes, very" and then Blossom's
brother starts coughing, and Kelly is all, "are you okay? You
comfortable?" and Blossom's brother is all, "just tired is all--thanks
for coming tonight" and then Kelly is all, "you know what the worst part
was about waiting for those test results--feeling like I would be left
alone...I abandoned you; I'm sorry--I'll never do it again--now where are
your pictures, I want to look at them again" and Blossom's brother is
all, "I put them away" and Kelly is all, "well, I'll get them" and
Blossom's brother is all, "no, I mean they're really put away" and
meanwhile Kelly's hair is all Edie Sedgewicked out and Kelly is all,
"why" and Blossom's brother is all, "it's a matter of days" and Kelly is
all, "no it's not, you're doing great" and Blossom's brother is all, "you
know how I know? Tonight was my swan song at the Palace of Magic, and I
loved every second...no regret, no looking back, no clinging to memories"
and Kelly is all, "funny thing is I never wanted to cling to memories
more" and Blossom's brother is all, "now, quit stalling--I know there's a
bad hair section in here somewhere" which basically describes every
single episode of this show in its entirety and not just one small
section of Kelly's photo album and Blossom's brother is all, "prom
night--love the clothes" and meanwhile Kelly is getting her camera out of
her handbag and Blossom's brother is all, "what are you doing" and Kelly
is all, "preserving this memory--you're going to be with us for a long
time; but I want this picture" and meanwhile the sappy violin and oboe
music has started up and then Kelly is all, "a precious one" and she
give's Blossom's brother a big kiss on the cheek and they both smile for
the camera and then we get that framed this-is-a-picture video still
image of Kelly and soon-to-be-gone "Other" defenseless, dying,
bad-things-happen-to-good-people-even-if-they're-gay brother of Blossom.
--
\/|\/ /\ \/ xi...@ECHOnyc.com Digital Arts/Media Confs <>2122920910 28.8 8N1
/\|/\/--\/\ INQUISITOR Magazine <> Tech/Art/Culture <> in...@inquisitor.com
PO Box 132 New York, NY 10024-0132 USA <> telnet: echonyc.com
http://www.inquisitor.com/ <> gopher://echonyc.com <> Mediarama!!
debbie
xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>[Happy New Year!]
>So this show starts off in the
. . . snip
Thanks for posting details of the 9/11 epiosode.
I am new to this newsgroup and I won't be able to watch 90210 this
fall (I have a Wednesday night class). I was hoping to find a way to
get details of the shows I miss, so I'll be caught up when the class
ends.
I was wondering -- do you an e-mail distribution of your write up --
or should I just plan to download it from the newsgroup each week.
Wow, it just finished printing -- 17 pages, you sure are detailed!
Thanks!
__________________________________________________________
From Dallas, TX
debbie
xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>[Happy New Year!]
>So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
>University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
>Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
description.
__________________________________________________________
From Dallas, TX
Michelle Darrah
In article <51t2e0$b...@dfw-ixnews4.ix.netcom.com>, dacu...@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>
> >As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>
> >And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>
> >The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>
> >First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>
> >[Happy New Year!]
>
> >So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
> >University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
> >Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
>
> Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
> I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
> a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
> wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
> I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
> description.
> __________________________________________________________
> From Dallas, TX
Was this really necessary? If you don't like his summaries, fine, no need
to call them incoherent. Most of us enjoy them!
Michelle
S Gardner
In article b...@dfw-ixnews4.ix.netcom.com, dacu...@ix.netcom.com (debbie) writes:
>xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>
>>As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>
>>And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>
>>The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>
>>First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>
>>[Happy New Year!]
>
>>So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
>>University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
>>Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
>
>Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
>I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
>a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
>wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
>I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
>description.
>__________________________________________________________
> From Dallas, TX
Debbie,
Why don't you grow a sense of humer? He's just poking fun. If you
don't like it, don't read it. By the way, I think Danny's wrapups
are hilarious and very well written (I am an English/Literature major).
He ought to be writing for the show instead of those losers who churn
out the most predictable, lame plots on tv.
Just my .02 cents
Big Danny Fan!!!
weikel
debbie (dacu...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
: I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
: a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
: wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
: I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
: description.
: __________________________________________________________
: From Dallas, TX
Oh dear. Debbie writes like someone with her head up an oriface.
Danny's summaries are so detailed that that sometimes I'll see a
repeat of an episode and not even realize that I hadn't seen it
the first time. His summaries are often better than the episodes.
WillZ & Chris
On Fri, 20 Sep 1996, debbie wrote:
> xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>
> >As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>
> >And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>
> >The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>
> >First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>
> >[Happy New Year!]
>
> >So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
> >University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
> >Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
>
> Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
> I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
> a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
> wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
> I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
> description.
> __________________________________________________________
> From Dallas, TX
>
With 17 pages of commentary on every scene, line and camera
shot, hairstyle, outfit and facial expression I don't see how anyone can
claim that they couldn't find out what happened on an episode. I somtimes
think Daniels reviews are better than watching the show.
Chris
debbie
WillZ & Chris <Waz...@cris.com> wrote:
>On Fri, 20 Sep 1996, debbie wrote:
>> xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>>
>> >As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>>
>> >And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>>
>> >The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>>
>> >First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>>
>> >[Happy New Year!]
>>
>> >So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
>> >University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
>> >Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
>>
>> Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
>> I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
>> a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
>> wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
>> I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
>> description.
>> __________________________________________________________
>> From Dallas, TX
>>
>With 17 pages of commentary on every scene, line and camera
>shot, hairstyle, outfit and facial expression I don't see how anyone can
>claim that they couldn't find out what happened on an episode. I somtimes
>think Daniels reviews are better than watching the show.
>Chris
Many people don't have time to read through 17 pages of stuff to pick
out the stuff that happened in the show from the stuff Daniel did
around the house. I am interested in what happened on the show -- if
you want to rewrite the script, that's cool, but then it's not really
a wrap-up now, is it.
__________________________________________________________
From Dallas, TX
debbie
wei...@rohan.sdsu.edu (weikel) wrote:
>debbie (dacu...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>: Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
>: I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
>: a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
>: wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
>: I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
>: description.
>: __________________________________________________________
>Oh dear. Debbie writes like someone with her head up an oriface.
>Danny's summaries are so detailed that that sometimes I'll see a
>repeat of an episode and not even realize that I hadn't seen it
>the first time. His summaries are often better than the episodes.
What an intelligent reply!
Think about what you just said: "better than the episodes"
That's one of the most bizarre things I ever heard -- Embarassed as I
am to admit it, I like 90210, but I like Aaron Spelling's version of
it. Aaron Spelling is the one with the big contract and it's his
version that I'm interested in keeping up with.
I can see that there is no intelligent discussion going on this
newsgroup. Don't bother to tell me to get lost -- I'm already gone.
Amethyst
S Gardner wrote:
>
> In article b...@dfw-ixnews4.ix.netcom.com, dacu...@ix.netcom.com (debbie) writes:
> >
> >>As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
> >
> >>And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>
> Why don't you grow a sense of humer? He's just poking fun. If you
> don't like it, don't read it. By the way, I think Danny's wrapups
> are hilarious and very well written (I am an English/Literature major).
> He ought to be writing for the show instead of those losers who churn
> out the most predictable, lame plots on tv.
>
I have to agree with you here. Not only are Danny's wrapups well
written, but they are totally unique and also a hilarious way to poke
fun at some of the less than realistic storylines and characters. I
look forward to reading each episode, and if it didn't take so damn much
ink I'd print them just for fun :)
Plus, I think the original poster needs to take into consideration how
much talent, time and effort this takes every week to entertain the
masses.
Keep it up, Danny.
--
|\__/,| (`\
_.|o o |_ ) ) .___.
--(((---(((----------- *AKA* _.-| | |\__/,| (`\
| | Nomi^ | { | |o o |__ _) )
| Amethyst |]___ or "-.|___| _.( T ) ` /
| a...@eskimo.com |]on \_`Lyric^ .--'-`-. _((_ `^--' /_< \
| CASHP #11-96-I | IRC \____+|______|__.-||__)`-'(((/ (((/
----------------------
abekir
Debbie from Dallas, Texas writes:
>Many people don't have time to read through 17 pages of stuff to pick
>out the stuff that happened in the show from the stuff Daniel did
>around the house. I am interested in what happened on the show -- if
>you want to rewrite the script, that's cool, but then it's not really
>a wrap-up now, is it.
Just cry us a river, Debbie. Who put a gun to your head and told you
to read 17 pages? I have an excellent idea...why don't we assign
a job to someone who will be in charge of writing a weekly wrap-up of
Mr. Drennan's Weekly Wrap-up? Something like a summary of the Cliff Notes.
Speaking of cliffs, let me know if you want any other BH 90210 character
pushed off the cliff. These scripts are all improv so it's not too hard
to type or to think of. Now I'm thinking of a script where Brandon goes
to Dallas, but the water pump in his mustang falls off and he's forced
to spend a few days touring the city. We could have him involved with
some girl who cooks up cornbread for breakfast, mean garage mechanics with
K.K.K. sweatshirts, and former boyfriends of this girl who cooks up
cornbread for breakfast. At the end, Brandon would have to leave, but
there's an emotional, heart-tugging farewell to the girl who cooks up
cornbread for breakfast. Whattya think? Good stuff huh? The writers
can have these ideas for free.
Ahmad
matthew joseph dundon
>I have to agree with you here. Not only are Danny's wrapups well
>written, but they are totally unique and also a hilarious way to poke
>fun at some of the less than realistic storylines and characters. I
>look forward to reading each episode, and if it didn't take so damn much
>ink I'd print them just for fun :)
>Plus, I think the original poster needs to take into consideration how
>much talent, time and effort this takes every week to entertain the
>masses.
>
>Keep it up, Danny.
Forgive me if this has come up before, but I didn't read the group over
the summer. In any event, Danny Drennan has _twice_ been excerpted
in the "Readings" section of HARPER's magazine...the first time for
a 90210 summation, the second time for a (pretty hilarious) summation
of a Bob and Liddy Dole appearance on the Larry King show. I think
that the excerpts were in the July and October issues, respectively.
It is not just we who appreciate the summations. (Although FOX might
not like it that I find that the summations make watching the show
somewhat superfluous...)
I don't know if Harper's confers legitimacy, but if it doesn't, well,
nothing does.
--
================================================================
Matthew J. Dundon The University of Chicago Law School
mjdu...@midway.uchicago.edu
http://student-www.uchicago.edu/users/mjdundon/
Paul and Gwen
debbie wrote:
[to weikel]
>
> Think about what you just said: "better than the episodes"
> That's one of the most bizarre things I ever heard -- Embarassed as I
> am to admit it, I like 90210, but I like Aaron Spelling's version of
> it. Aaron Spelling is the one with the big contract and it's his
> version that I'm interested in keeping up with.
>
> I can see that there is no intelligent discussion going on this
> newsgroup. Don't bother to tell me to get lost -- I'm already gone.
NO, DEBBIE!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!! We won't make fun of the show
anymore, we promise! I was just about to discuss the show intelligently
when I read your post! I swear I don't think it's funny...Aaron
Spelling
is a genius! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DEBBIE, DON'T LEAVE US!!!!
Gwen
weikel
: NO, DEBBIE!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!! We won't make fun of the show
: anymore, we promise! I was just about to discuss the show intelligently
: when I read your post! I swear I don't think it's funny...Aaron
: Spelling
: is a genius! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DEBBIE, DON'T LEAVE US!!!!
: Gwen
(Taps play)
Alas poor Debbie. We knew her but a short time. She brought a
new level of sophistication and wit to our humble group. Her
loss can be felt by all who knew her...
Debbie, if you are reading this I have a question for you. You
insulted Danny, you insulted me (though I deserved it), you insult
ed the group, and then you say you won't be back. Am I supposed to
feel bad about it?
MR-T!
Beach,
GOOD IDEA. GO buy a vcr for your summary.
On Sat, 21 Sep 1996 11:34:26 GMT, dacu...@ix.netcom.com (debbie)
wrote:
>wei...@rohan.sdsu.edu (weikel) wrote:
>
>>debbie (dacu...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>
>>: Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
>>: I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
>>: a teenager, possibly a pre-teen. It is of no use to anyone who really
>>: wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
>>: I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
>>: description.
>>: __________________________________________________________
>
>
>>Oh dear. Debbie writes like someone with her head up an oriface.
>>Danny's summaries are so detailed that that sometimes I'll see a
>>repeat of an episode and not even realize that I hadn't seen it
>>the first time. His summaries are often better than the episodes.
>
>What an intelligent reply!
>
Daniel Drennan
: Alas poor Debbie. We knew her but a short time. She brought a
: new level of sophistication and wit to our humble group. Her
: loss can be felt by all who knew her...
: Debbie, if you are reading this I have a question for you. You
: insulted Danny, you insulted me (though I deserved it), you insult
: ed the group, and then you say you won't be back. Am I supposed to
: feel bad about it?
To quote Rosalind Russell, "My my my my my my my my my my my my my."
I appreciate everyone's nice words. I guess I can imagine how some people
might think I somehow get PAID to write the wrapups or something, even
though that is totally not the case, and even though it would be really
nice, since at the going rate of $1.00 a word I'd make about ten grand a
week. Alas, I do like the show, and I do this just for fun. It's like some
warped kind of Ayn Rand novel, when people who produce nothing but vitriol
on the net think they can criticize those who are writing stuff that they
then get to read for free! If you don't like it, don't read it...for
godssake.
ADArkana
:: With 17 pages of commentary on every scene, line and camera
:: shot, hairstyle, outfit and facial expression I don't see how anyone
can
somtimes
:: think Daniels reviews are better than watching the show.
:: Chris
Long ago I stopped watching the show itself -- this newsgroup, though,
remains fascinating. Reading the "Weekly Wrapup" is *much* better than
actually tuning in -- just as the metaverse of "90210" is preferable the
actual postal zone.
A Faithful Consumer----->ADArkana
Andrew Chalupka
>xi...@echonyc.com (Daniel Drennan) wrote:
>
>>As always, check out the archives at <http://www.inquisitor.com/>
>
>>And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>
>>The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>
>>First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>
>>[Happy New Year!]
>
>>So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
>>University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
>>Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
>
>Well, thank you for taking the time to write up such a long summary.
>I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
>a teenager, possibly a pre-teen.
Come on, now. Do you really think a pre-teen would really use a phrase
like "Overt Penis Boy"? I think Danny's "summaries" are clever,
intelligent, and best of all...funny. I suspect his "pre-teen" writing
style is used to reflect the infantile nature of the show. Lighten up
just a smidge...
Andrew
WillZ & Chris
On 22 Sep 1996, weikel wrote:
>
> : NO, DEBBIE!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!!!! We won't make fun of the show
> : anymore, we promise! I was just about to discuss the show intelligently
> : when I read your post! I swear I don't think it's funny...Aaron
> : Spelling
> : is a genius! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DEBBIE, DON'T LEAVE US!!!!
>
> : Gwen
>
> (Taps play)
>
> Alas poor Debbie. We knew her but a short time. She brought a
> new level of sophistication and wit to our humble group. Her
> loss can be felt by all who knew her...
>
> Debbie, if you are reading this I have a question for you. You
> insulted Danny, you insulted me (though I deserved it), you insult
> ed the group, and then you say you won't be back. Am I supposed to
> feel bad about it?
>
>
No, you aren't supposed to feel bad. Debbie has shown us the error of our
ways and now we can change and be accepted. I just bet she's an Alpha.
Maybe if we apologise she will give us all makeovers too. :)
Chris
Scott Davi Kilbourn
In article <51vmj5$a...@sjx-ixn3.ix.netcom.com>,
>>>
>>> >And look for Inquisitor magazine on your local newsstand!
>>>
>>> >The 90210 Weekly Wrapup by Danny Drennan
>>>
>>> >First upload 9/15 1:00 am ET.
>>>
>>> >[Happy New Year!]
>>>
>>> >So this show starts off in the so-called Commons of so-called California
>>> >University, and Kelly "All About Me" Taylor, Steve "Overt Penis Boy"
>>> >Sanders and Clare Chancellorsdottir are walking past a book sale and a
>>>
>>> I have one question for you -- how young are you? It was written like
>>> wants to find out what happened on a particular episode. So, I guess
>>> I'll keep looking for some place to get a coherent episode
>>> description.
>>> __________________________________________________________
>>>
>>With 17 pages of commentary on every scene, line and camera
>>shot, hairstyle, outfit and facial expression I don't see how anyone can
>>claim that they couldn't find out what happened on an episode. I somtimes
>>think Daniels reviews are better than watching the show.
>
>>Chris
>
>
>out the stuff that happened in the show from the stuff Daniel did
>around the house. I am interested in what happened on the show -- if
>you want to rewrite the script, that's cool, but then it's not really
>a wrap-up now, is it.
>
I happen to think that Danny's summation is much better than the actual
show. If you want a blow by blow description of what happened, without
any humor involved, do a web search and I am quite sure you can find
something. Really, I think you are missing the whole point behind his
summary.
Mark Knudsen
ADArkana wrote:
> Long ago I stopped watching the show itself
> Reading the "Weekly Wrapup" is *much* better than
> actually tuning in
Agreed. I gave up on the actual show last season. The "Wrapup" is much
better entertainment.
Mark
j...@hawaii.conterra.com
On Tue, 24 Sep 1996 20:46:17 -0400, WillZ & Chris <Waz...@cris.com>
wrote:
>No, you aren't supposed to feel bad. Debbie has shown us the error of our
>ways and now we can change and be accepted. I just bet she's an Alpha.
>Maybe if we apologise she will give us all makeovers too. :)
But the show really sucks!
WillZ & Chris
And you don't recognize sarcasm when you see it.
<\ _ />
(o o) Chris the Blueswoman
.-----.../\@/ waz...@cris.com
/ / ___ / http://www.cris.com/~wazcjc/
\__/\ / \_\ |/ [MHM:(10x17)]
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|\ |\ UN=6 VAC=3 W++ NERD++1/2 A=mousterian F v1.5]