[Batman] Episodes 98 & 99: The Sport of Penguins/A Horse of Another Color

[Ubiquitous]

:The Penguin is after a rare book on parasols located at The Gotham Library.
:Luckily, Barbara Gordon, ex-fiance of The Penguin and alias of Batgirl,
:happens to work at the library. Meanwhile, Pengy seems to be making a bid at
:horse racing as well, in cahoots with the beautiful Lola Lasagna (Merman).

PE: This is a great example of the type of plotless arc that wanders from
nonsense to nonsense. We go from stolen parasols to stolen folios to horses
and racing. How can you possibly tie this all together? You can't and they
didn't. It's like watching a French film without the sub-titles (or maybe
with the sub-titles).

JS: And why mess with a proven formula? I would have been fine with another
Penguin episode following his failed attempt to marry Barbara Gordon... but
Lady Lasagne... preposterous.

PE: What did a good-looking guy like Ernie Borgnine see in Ethel Merman? I
think I heard somewhere that some couples, after years of marriage start
looking similar but in this case it was only a matter of weeks since he had
the good sense to dump her after only 32 days of wedded blitz. Who knows, if
the marriage had lasted longer, Borgnine might not have gone on to classics
such as The Wild Bunch, Willard, The Poseidon Adventure, and All Dogs Go to
Heaven 2. I've got a feeling Ernie's being referenced here when Lola Lasagna
(Merman) says she was married to Luigi Lasagna for only three weeks and he
didn't die "as any adoring young wife would reasonably expect" but rather
divorced her and left her only a horse. Left her looking like a horse
actually.

JS: Nice use of the Bat Shield with tong slot to remove the umbrella, Batman.
In the future you might want to keep your colleagues behind the shield.

PE: According to Joel Eisner's indispensable The Official Batman Bat-Book,
when the show went from twice-weekly to weekly, the producers opted for the
one episode format sans the cliffhanger because they were afraid the public
wouldn't be able to remember how they were left hanging the week before. I'll
give them that, but then why do we have four two-parters and, inexplicably, a
three-parter this season? Were they left-over scripts re-tooled to include
Batgirl or was there a method to the madness? Here, we get an extremely dopey
wrap-up and summary to Act I rather than a cliffhanger. Wouldn't feeble-
minded viewers have forgotten this very forgettable climax as well by the
next week?

JS: I thought it was quite compelling. Batman answers the Batphone—who could
it be! Tune in, same Bat Time, same Bat Channel!

PE: Barbara Gordon doesn't exactly treat her ex-fiance, The Penguin, with
respect at the library. In fact, it's almost as if she doesn't remember the
love they shared only three weeks before. In fact, it seems that Barb's
memory isn't as sharp as her cone-bras since, (SPOILER ALERT) at the climax
of Act II, for some goofball reason, King Tut is seen loitering around the
water fountain at the library while Babs and her pop, Commissioner Gordon are
rehashing our story. The Commish fills his naive daughter in on Tut's rap-
sheet. "You mean, a real life arch-criminal has turned up at our library?"
she exclaims with a huge grin on her face. More disrespect for The Penguin,
who'd been standing in the very same spot 47 minutes earlier.

JS: I think she's using the opportunity to slam the Penguin.

PE: Here we go again with Batman holding his hand to his face and talking
quietly, as if directing his comments to just one person. Trouble is, there's
only Barbara and Robin in the room and he's talking to both of them at the
time.

JS: A.L. Fred? One more sign that Hoffman was phoning this one in.

PE: Penguin's book shop, minus the bookshelves, looks exactly like Riddler's
Steam Room and Siren's Grotto. And isn't that the set for The Dating Game
that Bruce Wayne and Dennis the Menace's pop are sitting on? Another couple
of bucks saved!

JS: Penguin picks up on the fact that the jockey looks exactly like Bruce
Wayne's ward, Dick Grayson. But he somehow doesn't see any similarity to
Robin.

PE: I'm glad the Bat-Computer is back up and running, giving the Caped
Crusaders a definition of a parasol, very evidently a crime weapon.

JS: What about Bab's setup. She's got an Emergency Library Prowler Signal in
her bedroom!

PE: So now Alfred is a spy for Batgirl? The second the boys hop into the
Batmobile and break ten or twelve traffic laws, the butler's on the phone
spilling the beans to Barbara Gordon. Eventually, the Dynamic Duo should be
able to put two and two together, when they're wondering how Batbabe shows up
constantly where the action is, and realize they've got a bespectacled rat in
the Batcave.

JS: Are you kidding? Thank goodness that Alfred called in Batgirl. Without
her involvement, this two-parter might have reached the bottom of the barrel.

PE: Here's my moment to be a chauvinist pig: I really dig Barbara Gordon's
strut on the way to the "Batgirl Vault." She's got those hips shakin' like
Shakira. The cone bras she wears are making me constantly hit the rewind. She
works at a library so I know I should respect her for her brain but... did I
mention her cone bras?

JS: Yes, she's quite the renaissance lady, wearing the most stylish fashions
around the house.

PE: Ethel Merman is a fish out of water here. She doesn't look like she's
having any fun at all and it shows, mostly standing around in her dowdy
clothes with her hands hanging like limp spaghetti at her sides, seemingly
ready to belt out a show tune at any given moment. It's not Ethel's fault but
every time she wails a line of dialogue, I flashback on her cameo in
Airplane!

JS: She managed to drag The Penguin down with her, which should count for
something...

PE: The fight scenes look clumsy now that there are three heroes. The
choreography seems to have been thrown out the window. At times, Batman is
standing off to the side, watching the "action."

JS: I love how at one point, the henchmen have to help Batgirl tie themselves
up.

PE: If I was Batman, I'd just answer Robin with "Enough with the "let's
follow Batgirl and find out who she really is!" Seriously, is Burt Ward
condemned to repeat the same line at the same time in every episode from here
on out?

JS: Didn't you get a look at Batgirl? I thought you'd understand Dick's
interest.

PE: Bruce Wayne, Head of Board of Library Trustees. That's all I have to say.

JS: Remember, Peter. Expletives will get you nowhere.

PE: Wind-up Penguin toy on the desk at the library the evil villain recently
burgled. Nah, it should be safe. Go ahead and wind it up.

JS: Didn't Penguin think that giving a gift of a penguin might be considered
suspicious?

PE: I'll leave you with Batman's description of Batgirl:

"Like a cloud! Like lightning! ... Whoever she is, wherever she
goes, whatever she's after, I think we'll be seeing more of her!

PE Rating: 0.5 batsignals
JS Rating: 1.0 batsignals

--
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