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Dawn of Barney
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New Leader of the Jihad to Destroy Barney
Apr 10, 2015, 4:07:06 PM4/10/15
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Originally written in May 1994
DAWN OF BARNEY
written by Danielle Pluzsik
Sheila Crest was thirteen years old. She had two sisters and three brothers. She was the eldest of the six children; all the rest were around two to nine years old. She took care of them when their mom and dad were away.
Her five siblings' favorite channel was PBS. They watched Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. However, on one fateful day in 1993, there was one show that changed everything...
It was a warm summer night. Sheila's mom and dad had to go to a work conference, so Sheila was left in charge of babysitting her siblings. She made some popcorn, poured Coca-Cola into a cup, plopped down on the red leather couch, and put an old screwball comedy in the VCR. Five minutes into the movie, a voice rang out. "SHEILA! SHEILA!" Sheila swiveled around and saw Lacie, her four-year-old sister, run down the stairs. "What is it, Lacie?" Sheila asked. "Put on Barney!" Lacie replied, excited. Sheila sighed and turned off the movie. She grabbed the remote and switched the channel to PBS. A patriotic marching tune started playing as a purple dinosaur walked on screen. Lacie watched in awe as children chanted,
"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination!
And when he's tall, he's what we call
A dinosaur sensation!"
Sheila watched the screen in horror as a green dinosaur and a yellow dinosaur walked on the screen. Soon, the four other siblings raced down the stairs to watch. "BARNEY!" the kids screamed in joy. They jumped on the couch with ecstatic grins. Sheila had enough and went upstairs.
Twenty minutes later, the phone rang. Sheila picked it up. It was her dad. "Hi, Sheila, go check to see how the kids are doing." Sheila hung up the phone and went downstairs. Upon her arrival, she saw an unforgettable sight. The kids were zoning out like zombies in front of the TV. Barney was onscreen, and he was talking to the viewers. "Remember kids, you should hate your family! Always listen to me! If you do, you'll get a surprise." "Yes, Barney," the kids lifelessly responded. Barney began to sing. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..." Sheila screamed in terror and ran upstairs. She thought to herself, "I can't believe it. My brothers and sisters are brainwashed into killing me, my mom, and my dad, by that stupid Barney show!" She decided to make some more popcorn and watch Oprah for a while. Then she remembered about the kids.
Sheila made her way back downstairs. The first thing she saw was the credits for Barney rolling. The second thing was that her nine-year-old brother Guido had a gun. Her five year old brother Carl had a chainsaw. Sheila gasped and ran to call 911. But her three year old sister Hannah chased her with a kitchen knife all the way to the living room. Sheila locked herself in a closet and started to cry. "WHY, PBS, WHY?" she sobbed to herself. Lacie opened the door with a cleaver in her hands. "Barney said to kill your family!" Lacie said. Sheila yelled in shock and ran outside. Bruce and Lily, her six and seven year old brother and sister, followed her, carrying a revolver and spork. Sheila screeched and bolted towards the road, but not before Bruce shot her. She blacked out on the pavement.
Sheila woke up in a icy-cold, pitch-black room. A familiar voice drifted through the area. "Hi kids! It's your friend Barney!" Then there was the sound of children laughing and singing eerily. "I love you, you love me, you should kill your family..." the children sang. Sheila jolted up and felt the walls. There was a door! But she couldn't find the key. "Oh, no. Now I'm trapped..." she whined. "Wait! I found the key!" she beamed as her hand ran over something that felt like metal. Sure enough, it was! Sheila unlocked the door and stepped outside.
Sheila had stepped into a living Hell! There were thousands of children all over the USA who had been brainwashed by Barney. "Barney, Barney...must...kill...family..." they all creepily chanted in monotone. Chains were hung from the walls and the entire building was made of brimstone. There was fire. There was screaming. There were skulls all over the entire place! Sheila rushed to find a weapon.
A spear stood in a corner. Sheila ran and grabbed it. She marched over to Barney, who sat on a throne made of the remains of the kids who disobeyed him. "THAT'S IT!" Sheila screamed. "BARNEY, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" She stabbed Barney with the spear. Suddenly, the entire place burst into flames! Sheila led the kids out and Barney exploded.
When Sheila, plus the thousands of children, arrived outside, they watched the PBS studio burn into ashes. "Barney is dead!" Sheila exclaimed. The many kids repeated after her and shouted along, "BARNEY IS DEAD!" Sheila reunited with her siblings and went home. Sheila swore never to watch PBS again.
Meanwhile, in the rubble of the PBS studio, Barney rose from the debris. "I will return!" he declared as he flew into the underworld.
THE END.
DAWN OF BARNEY
written by Danielle Pluzsik
Sheila Crest was thirteen years old. She had two sisters and three brothers. She was the eldest of the six children; all the rest were around two to nine years old. She took care of them when their mom and dad were away.
Her five siblings' favorite channel was PBS. They watched Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. However, on one fateful day in 1993, there was one show that changed everything...
It was a warm summer night. Sheila's mom and dad had to go to a work conference, so Sheila was left in charge of babysitting her siblings. She made some popcorn, poured Coca-Cola into a cup, plopped down on the red leather couch, and put an old screwball comedy in the VCR. Five minutes into the movie, a voice rang out. "SHEILA! SHEILA!" Sheila swiveled around and saw Lacie, her four-year-old sister, run down the stairs. "What is it, Lacie?" Sheila asked. "Put on Barney!" Lacie replied, excited. Sheila sighed and turned off the movie. She grabbed the remote and switched the channel to PBS. A patriotic marching tune started playing as a purple dinosaur walked on screen. Lacie watched in awe as children chanted,
"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination!
And when he's tall, he's what we call
A dinosaur sensation!"
Sheila watched the screen in horror as a green dinosaur and a yellow dinosaur walked on the screen. Soon, the four other siblings raced down the stairs to watch. "BARNEY!" the kids screamed in joy. They jumped on the couch with ecstatic grins. Sheila had enough and went upstairs.
Twenty minutes later, the phone rang. Sheila picked it up. It was her dad. "Hi, Sheila, go check to see how the kids are doing." Sheila hung up the phone and went downstairs. Upon her arrival, she saw an unforgettable sight. The kids were zoning out like zombies in front of the TV. Barney was onscreen, and he was talking to the viewers. "Remember kids, you should hate your family! Always listen to me! If you do, you'll get a surprise." "Yes, Barney," the kids lifelessly responded. Barney began to sing. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..." Sheila screamed in terror and ran upstairs. She thought to herself, "I can't believe it. My brothers and sisters are brainwashed into killing me, my mom, and my dad, by that stupid Barney show!" She decided to make some more popcorn and watch Oprah for a while. Then she remembered about the kids.
Sheila made her way back downstairs. The first thing she saw was the credits for Barney rolling. The second thing was that her nine-year-old brother Guido had a gun. Her five year old brother Carl had a chainsaw. Sheila gasped and ran to call 911. But her three year old sister Hannah chased her with a kitchen knife all the way to the living room. Sheila locked herself in a closet and started to cry. "WHY, PBS, WHY?" she sobbed to herself. Lacie opened the door with a cleaver in her hands. "Barney said to kill your family!" Lacie said. Sheila yelled in shock and ran outside. Bruce and Lily, her six and seven year old brother and sister, followed her, carrying a revolver and spork. Sheila screeched and bolted towards the road, but not before Bruce shot her. She blacked out on the pavement.
Sheila woke up in a icy-cold, pitch-black room. A familiar voice drifted through the area. "Hi kids! It's your friend Barney!" Then there was the sound of children laughing and singing eerily. "I love you, you love me, you should kill your family..." the children sang. Sheila jolted up and felt the walls. There was a door! But she couldn't find the key. "Oh, no. Now I'm trapped..." she whined. "Wait! I found the key!" she beamed as her hand ran over something that felt like metal. Sure enough, it was! Sheila unlocked the door and stepped outside.
Sheila had stepped into a living Hell! There were thousands of children all over the USA who had been brainwashed by Barney. "Barney, Barney...must...kill...family..." they all creepily chanted in monotone. Chains were hung from the walls and the entire building was made of brimstone. There was fire. There was screaming. There were skulls all over the entire place! Sheila rushed to find a weapon.
A spear stood in a corner. Sheila ran and grabbed it. She marched over to Barney, who sat on a throne made of the remains of the kids who disobeyed him. "THAT'S IT!" Sheila screamed. "BARNEY, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" She stabbed Barney with the spear. Suddenly, the entire place burst into flames! Sheila led the kids out and Barney exploded.
When Sheila, plus the thousands of children, arrived outside, they watched the PBS studio burn into ashes. "Barney is dead!" Sheila exclaimed. The many kids repeated after her and shouted along, "BARNEY IS DEAD!" Sheila reunited with her siblings and went home. Sheila swore never to watch PBS again.
Meanwhile, in the rubble of the PBS studio, Barney rose from the debris. "I will return!" he declared as he flew into the underworld.
THE END.
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