[Avengers] "The House That Jack Built". S04-E23

[Ubiquitous]

by Brian Clemens
Directed by Don Leaver

An escaping prisoner (Griffith Davies) evades his pursuers, making off
with the shotgun of one of them (Alan Lake). Climbing over a wall, he
finds a deserted country house and enters, only to be confronted by a
charging lion...

Mrs Peel visits Steed, who is developing holiday snaps. She tells him
an uncle she's never hears of has bequeathed her a house in Hampshire,
waving the key. She makes him a cup of coffee, but fails to notice the
key, left on the photo paper, make the timer move - nor does she notice
that it affects the compass in her car. Steed discovers the key imprint
as a white ghost on his prints when developed and contacts her family
solicitor, Mr Pennington (Keith Pyott). Pennington tells him she never
had an Uncle Jack and he didn't write her a letter. Steed quickly calls
Pongo, and advises him Mrs Peel is heading for Hampshire in possession
of a key with electronic properties.
Mrs Peel meanwhile is roaring down the B31, watches by a scout leader
(Michael Wynne) with binoculars. The scout leader charges down the hill
and stands in the road, hand held out. She screeches to a halt and
berates him for endangering both their lives and he merely asks for a
lift in return, "as far as you are going". He eyes the key hanging from
the dash when he gets in...

He tells her his name is Frederick Withers as they travel along,
neither of them aware the key is activating sensors which change the
road signs and close the road behind them. She drops Withers at the
gatehouse when she arrives - it's the same house the prisoner escaped
to. She enters the house and her car radio, free of the interference of
the key, springs to life. She hears a noise and enters room,
discovering, to her concern, an open music box. Meanwhile, Withers
approaches the front door and enters... Emma discovers a sheet of
Pennington's stationery, covered in attempts at copying his signature.
She realises she's been tricked, then the 'phone rings. When she
jiggles the receiver, the door slams shut and she hears Withers scream
outside. When she opens it again, the halls is gone, replaced with a
maze of twisty, turny passages, all alike, with a humming electronic
box at their hub - and ghostly laughter fills the room. No matter which
corridor she takes, she ends up back at the hub. Sensing a trick, she
marks the hub with her lipstick, but at the end of the next corridor,
the hub is the one she marked. She discovers a boy scout badge, and
then Withers' walking staff and thinks he's behind the deception.
Another corridor ends, but this time with a frosted glass window. She
smashes the glass hopefully but finds herself staring at the hub again.
She runs back, bewildered and discovers a spiral staircase in place of
the hub she had come from. Once again, the ghostly laughter is heard,
this time accompanied by the growling of a lion.

She descends the stairs and we see the muddy trousers of the prisoner
approach the stair behind her. At the bottom, she sees a window and
rushes to it. Peering out, she finds herself high above the road below
- the window too narrow and high for escape. She's dismayed to turn
from it and find the hub has returned behind her, the staircase gone.
Suddenly, she hears the music box again and goes through a door,
discovering she's entered the study through the windows. She rushes
through into the hall and heads for the front door - when she opens it,
she finds herself in the study again and the door slams shut behind
her. Wither is spread-eagled on the desk, skewered on the bayonet of a
rifle. She realises her every move is watched and tears a telescope
from its stand, severing an electric cord. Then, she reasons out what's
happening; rooms that move on rollers, controlled by a central motor,
but what triggers it? She finds an electronic plunger in the door jamb
and holds it down - she watches other rooms go past outside and
realises her room is moving. Emma releases the button halfway between
rooms and enters the control room between, determined to find who's
behind it all.

Steed meanwhile is searching Pendelsham for the house, waylaid by the
altered road signs and a row of spike that slash his tyres when he gets
too close. Back at the house, Emma finds a room bearing the placard
"Welcome to an exhibition dedicated to the late Emma Peel". She finds
it's a museum filled with her favourite childhood toys and photographs
of herself. A glowing head bids her welcome and tells her she'll find
the reason for the exhibition in section four. There she finds
newspaper cuttings regarding her taking control of Knight Industries on
her father's death and a recording of her dismissal of the automation
expert, Professor Keller, from the board; she didn't agree with his
ideas of replacing man with machine. Keller (Michael Goodliffe) appears
on a television screen and say this house will prove he was right,
machines are not only equal to man but their superior. She follows the
cable of the screen and discovers the prisoner, Burton, hiding in the
shadows. She overpowers him when he tries to fight her then discovers
he's a mental wreck, driven mad by being trapped in the house for so
long. He suddenly produces the shotgun he stole and levels it at her
and she ducks when he shoots - the blast smashing a hole in a thin
plaster wall concealing a door. Emma takes the gun from him and smashes
her way through until she can reach in and open the door, discovering
the central control room within.

She enters and whirls round, shooting, when Keller welcomes her - he
announces he is dead, his body preserved in a glass box in the middle
of the room. This house is his legacy when the doctors gave him only a
year to live - it will become her tomb. Powered by solar energy and
running on frictionless bearings, it will last 1,000 years. Steed
meanwhile has reached the house and seeks an ingress, to no avail.
Meanwhile, Emma learns the machine will realise she has been driven mad
when she commits suicide, using the suicide room in the corner, which
will gas her painlessly. She announces she can reason it out and the
machine reacts - a film of an attacking lion, electric shocks and loud
noises, at which Burton burbles and claps stupidly. Then she hears
Steed honking her car's horn. Emma realises the slot for the computer's
punch cards in the weak point, and contrives a bomb out of the key and
Burton's last shotgun shell. Burton snatches it from her and dances
about the room and is killed when he stumbles into the death cabinet.
The computer detects the wrong person has been gassed, the door opens,
and Emma sadly takes the key from Burton's hand. Steed manages to enter
the hallway as Emma rams the bomb home - it slides down and ignites the
electrics; the computer malfunctions and starts smoking, Keller's
cabinet splinters and cracks and the rooms spins madly around on their
bearings. Finally all is still and the Avengers are reunited; Steed
offers her a lift home on the old horse.

Steed tells Emma that Withers was his man Pongo, he didn't reveal
himself as Steed had asked him to soft pedal a bit as he didn't want to
frighten her. Emma rings her bells and the Avengers leave on a tandem
bicycle.


--
Katie Couric falsified a moment in her anti-gun documentary and is now
the first recipient of the new Brian Williams Creative Editing Award.

[Ubiquitous]

by Brian Clemens
Directed by Roy Baker

A fisherman, Saul (Robert Brown), is tending his pots on the windswept
Norfolk coast. He casually watches a figure emerge from the surf, encased in
a vinyl bag. The occupant (Alan MacNaughtan) tears the bag open and asks the
direction to Little Bazeley. Saul directs him as though nothing were amiss.

Steed visits Mrs Peel, who is practicing her fencing (sound familiar?). She
flicks a foil at him and they don their masks to fight. While they parry he
suggests she accompany him to the seaside, meanwhile rescuing her ornaments.
She refuses to "carry his bucket and spade" but he persists and riles her by
smacking her behind with his foil. He wonders if she's ever fancied herself
as a school teacher then traps her in the curtains. When she emerges, he
tells her they'll take the train and she learns he bought the tickets
yesterday; the train leaves in an hour.

On the train, he explains that they got wind of "something odd" at Little
Bazeley and four agents have disappeared investigating the village. He offers
her Indian or Chinese tea and asks, "Milk or lemon?" but finds he only has
milk when Mrs Peel asks for lemon. He then produces a full tea service,
including a stand of small cakes and a boiling kettle from his carpet bag.
The trains stops and another passenger gets into the carriage, prompting
Steed to hide himself behind a book. The new passenger (Patrick Newell)
introduces himself as Jimmy Smallwood, also bound for Little Bazeley to visit
his brother Tom, the blacksmith and shows Mrs Peel a photo of Tom.

When they arrive in Little Bazeley, Saul watches them from behind the station
sign. The reception at the pub is decidedly cool, until the proprietor,
Flying Officer 'Piggy' Warren (Terence Alexander) emerges. He welcomes them
and Steed makes a show of not knowing Mrs Peel while ordering drinks. Warren
is guarded when Smallwood asks how his brother Tom is and startled when Steed
asks for a room for a couple of days - Steed announces he's a property
developer's scout looking for building sites. Mrs Peel causes consternation
when she asks for a room until she can find permanent lodging and announces
herself as the new school teacher. Jill Manson (Juliet Harmer) gets up from
her stool at the bar and introduces herself as the headmistress. Mrs Peel
hands her a letter from the Department, hoping "there isn't any mistake" then
the man from the beach says they can always use a new teacher, and claims to
be Mark Brandon, the district school inspector. He says he just arrived
himself and states that now she's here she should definitely stay... with an
undercurrent of menace.
Smallwood goes to see his brother and some of the villagers follow him, two
carrying shotguns, which Warren dismisses as badger hunting. Smallwood
wanders the deserted streets, followed by Saul while Warren shows our heroes
to their rooms. The rooms are dilapidated and dirty, with shaky plumbing and
large holes in the towels. Steed shakes off a strip of fly paper then they
hear the sound of marching boots, but the shutters are nailed up so they
can't see what's happening. When they descend, Warren stops them from looking
outside and shows them to their table. Steed 'remembers' a letter he has to
post, but Brandon takes it from him, saying he's passing the box. Before
leaving, he tells Mrs Peel the school is at the old airfield.

Smallwood, who's been unable to find Tom at the forge, goes to the church
where the sound of the choir spills from the stained glass windows. When he
open the porch door, he finds the church completely empty and he departs,
shaken, still pursued by Saul. Brandon meanwhile goes to the school and finds
muddy prints from many boots in the hall. Jill emerges from a classroom at
the sound of baying hounds - Saul is chasing Smallwood across the fens with a
pair of bloodhounds. Steed and Mrs Peel hear the hounds as they sit, gasping
by the smoking fireplace. Later, Steed tried to prise the shutters open but
is unable to shift them and elects to try his luck sneaking out downstairs
(he can "move like a cat in carpet slippers"). Warren hears him and
challenges him with a shotgun; Steed claims to be looking for a nightcap -
Warn gives a ribald chuckle and give him an entire bottle of brandy to take
back upstairs. Mrs Peel laughs and asks what happened to "pussy-footed pussy"
when he returns; Steed looks her up and down and asks "Isn't it time you were
in bed?"

The next day, Mrs Peel goes to the school and finds it strangely deserted.
She discovers rows of muddy boots in a cloakroom then overhears Miss Manson
complaining about being sent "another batch so soon". Brandon replies that he
is in command now and she'll do as she's told. They pause when Mrs Peel
enters and Jill says she will have little to do as the children are on
holidays. "In the middle of term?" queries Mrs Peel. Brandon hastily says
they bends the rules a bit for little places like this, and it enabled Miss
Manson to set up a new gymnasium. Mrs Peel offers to help and is told she
would be better off working out her class schedules. Mrs Peel goes to find
Steed on the beach and tells him something odd is going on there. "As odd as
this?" he asks, and indicates a dozen sets of footprints leading out of the
surf - she recalls the boots at the school and mentions the 'holiday' in term
time. Steed notes the tractors are still in the fields and cars rusting in
the furrows. They find Smallwood's body hidden under some jetsam in one of
the dunes and Steed takes Tom's photo.
They go to the smithy where Saul is impersonating Tom Smallwood; he tells
them Jimmy went back to London on urgent business. Steed hopes to trip him up
by suggesting Jimmy took the early train but Saul says there isn't one, Jimmy
borrowed his car. Back at the pub, the Avengers ponder why someone would want
to impersonate a blacksmith. Realising they haven't seen a soul since they've
arrived except the highly suspicious badger hunters, all wearing gum boots,
Mrs Peel goes to the church to check the parish records. The vicar (Jeremy
Burnham) tells her he has bats in his belfry - literally - before introducing
himself as Jonathan Amesbury. He shows her the books, but the last few years'
records have been cut from the register.

Steed meanwhile visits the airfield and is reminded of his own wartime
service. Amongst the rubble of the old barracks he finds a graffito
commemorating Piggy Warren, killed in action 1942. Mrs Peel is searching the
school and finds the cupboards and desks crammed with tinned food and other
supplies. A man stumbles in, muddy and gasping. He warns her "below, below"
and says he's Mark Brandon. He indicates a photograph on the wall before
collapsing. Hearing the baying of hounds, Mrs Peel hurriedly takes the photo
and leaves before Saul and Brandon enter. Brandon notices the empty photo
frame.
Mrs Peel goes to the vicar and shows him that the Jill Manson in the photo
is someone else. He confirms that none of the people in the photo are their
current namesakes then says she's an impostor as well. When she admits this,
he pulls a revolver from his cassock. She says he won't use it during choir
practice and opens the vestry door, but in the nave she finds a reel-to-reel
tape playing choral music. He says the music is appropriate - a requiem - she
hits him with the photo and makes for the door but is confronted by Brandon
and Saul.
Steed returns to the pub and finds Piggy fixing a fuse by candle light.
Piggy hands Steed the candle and tells him that Mrs Peel has gone to London
and chortles at Steed 'fancying his chances'. Steed spies Mrs Peel's cases in
the pantry and menaces him with the candle, singeing his moustache and snarls
that it doesn't matter, he's already dead. Warren reveals that she's at the
forge and Steed goes to rescue her, but must first fend off a murderous Saul,
wielding a red hot horseshoe. He defeats him with a few blows of his steel-
reinforced bowler and then finds Mrs Peel, trussed to a saddle - "tight
girth", she winces, as Steed frees her. He tells her what happened and she
shows him the stores at the school. They deduce a piecemeal invasion -
village after village being replaced with new inhabitants until the whole
country is a new population and Mrs Peel recalls Brandon's warning of
"below".

Steed and Mrs Peel enter the old wartime bunkers and find an armory packed
with weapons and explosives, and hear soldiers training. They realise there's
only one exit from the bunker and plan to destroy the mechanism when they're
interrupted by Brandon. The vicar and Miss Manson follow him in but the vicar
is quickly knocked out, leaving Steed to deal with Brandon while Emma fights
Jill. Brandon falls on the door control and it starts to close, just as
Steed, inside, is faced with four curious soldiers. Jill keeps Mrs Peel from
coming to his aide, then the vicar attacks her, so by the time she manages to
open the door, Steed has dealt with all four of them. They hear more coming
and Mrs Peel swiftly closes the door, trapping the army underground (sound
familiar?).

Mrs Peel drives them away on a Vespa motor scooter, daydreaming about dinner
in a cosy inn with a big thick steak; Steed says, "let me tell you what I
have in mind..."

--
Trump: A president so great that Democrats who said they would leave
America if he won decided to stay!

[Ubiquitous]