'TOON TOOL TIME by Marv Acme (long)
Marv Acme
occupying my time these past few weeks (work-related or otherwise).
Anyway, I tape other shows in addition to A! (cartoon or otherwise), and
when "Home Improvement" moved into syndication at about the same time
Kids' WB! began, it was one of the non-cartoon shows I began taping as
well, and, not surprisingly, as I looked back on that moment, this fanfic
sprang to mind. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed typing
i!@#? What the hey? Hey, this razz-a-frazz crudball key is STUCK!!! YOU
LOUSY, ROTTEN STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!!! I OUGHTTA SEND YA BACK TA THE SCRAP
HEAP FROM WHENCE YA CAME, YA SCUMMY PIECE'A SH-(I suddenly realize there
are other netters looking, catch myself in time, and grin apologetically
to the audience!) -SHHaving cream, be nice and clean, shave every day and
you'll always look clean! (Slight pause) Come to think of it, I hope you
enjoy reading it MORE than I did typing it! Anyways, without further ado,
here is:
'TOON TOOL TIME
by
Marv Acme
Boring But Necessary Copyright Info:
The Animaniacs characters are: Trademark and
Copyright, Warner Brothers Animation and Amblin Entertainment, Inc. All
rights reserved.
All "Home Improvement" characters are:
Trademark and Copyright, Wind Dancer Productions Group in association with
Touchstone Pictures Television, a division of Buena Vista Television. All
rights reserved.
This fanfic is: c)1996 by Marv Acme.
All Rights Reserved As Apply.
Our story opens on the set of "Tool
Time", the popular home repair-themed instructional TV series. An episode
is currently being taped live in front of a studio audience wearing "TOOL
TIME" caps and T-Shirts, hooting and hollering as Tim "The Toolman" Taylor
and his assistant, Al Borland, enter the set. Little does Tim realize that
this day will be different for him than any other day in his li- HEY!!!
Wait a minute! This is a script for a "Tool Time" crossover with "The
Twilight Zone"!
CUT: Take 2.
It was just another typical day for Tim and Al as
they entered the set of their ever-popular home repair series, "Tool Time"
and were greeted by the usual chorus of fans hooting and hollering. At
least it SEEMED typical to start off with. But - little did Tim know that
this episode of "Tool Time" would be far different than any he and Al had
done before. Far, FAR different.
"Hello out there!" Tim beamed to the
audience. "Welcome to another episode of 'Tool Time'! I'm your host, Tim
'The Toolman' Taylor - and YOU'RE NOT!!!" The audience broke out with
laughter (which is much better, if you ask me, then breaking out with the
measles!). "Nice Chevy Chase impersonation, Tim," replied Al.
"Impersonation??? I beg to differ, Al - why, I'm the very living
embodiment of everything that made Chevy great - in fact, I taught Chevy
everything he knows!" "That WOULD explain the cancellation of his talk
show from Fox!" Al retorted. The audience broke out with laughter again.
"What are you laughing at HIM for?" Tim asked in outrage. "His joke
couldn't have been THAT funny!"
Tim paused and got ahold of himself
(no, he didn't LITERALLY hold onto himself - this ain't "Draftee Daffy",
ya know!). "But I digress," he continued. "We're not here to do 'Star
Search' with power tools! We're here to demonstrate the proper procedure
for building a front porch! And to do that, what do we need?"
"MORE POWER!!!"replied the
audience in unison with Tim.
Just then, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Scotty
from "Star Trek" spoke up from off-stage, saying "I don't think she can-a
take much more, Cap'n!"
"What the -?" Tim asked in astonishment. "Who's that? Somebody get a
spotlight off-stage! I don't tolerate wiseacres on this program!" "Talk
about the pot calling the kettle black!" said Al out of sarcasm. "Watch
it, Al!" Tim scolded him. "Remember where your last Christmas bonus CAME
from!" "The bank?" Suddenly, a drum-roll was heard in the background, and
the camera (or, in the case of this being a written fanfic, the word
processor) panned down to reveal a small, puppy-like creature playing a
set of drums with the Warner Brothers shield inscripted on one of them.
Tim looked at the strange creature and gasped, his jaw dropping to the
floor, 1940s-cartoon style. "Somebody call for an exterminator!" he
shouted. Suddenly, another strange puppy-like creature, this one much
taller and lankier than the first, entered with Arnold Schwarzenegger
standing beside him. "You called for The Terminator?" asked the creature.
"No, I said EXtermi - wait a minute!" said Tim in a bewildered tone of
voice. "Who said that?" "I did!!!" the creature exclaimed.
"YAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!!!" Tim screamed at the top of his lungs as he
(literally THIS time!) hit the ceiling. "Well," said the creature. "I can
see this relationship is gonna get off to a REAL good start!" He paused
slightly for a moment, then added "NOT!" a la "Wayne's World". "You think
THAT'S something!" Al told the second puppy-like being. "You should've
seen him on his first blind date!" As Tim snapped back to his senses, he
couldn't help but notice Al talking to this creature as though he'd
actually KNOWN him before. "Al, you KNOW these strange puppy child-?" he
started to say, but was suddenly cut off by a third creature (assumedly
feminine, judging by ber dainty, ballerina-like entrance) who leapt into
his arms and shouted, "Give us a kiss, kid!" and planted a big wet one of
her own on his lips. Tim shoved her off and proceeded to wipe the saliva
from his lips. Finally, he got a word in edgewise with Al. "Al, just who
ARE these strange puppy-like creatures?" "I'm surprised you don't know,
Tim," Al started to explain. "These are the stars of a cartoon show called
'Animaniacs'. They're our special guests for today!" "WHAT?" Tim screamed
at the top of his lungs. Then he paused for another moment, placing his
hand on his head as if to think, then sarcastically commented, "No, Al, I
think there was a scheduling mix-up. The way I see it, these three -
whatever they're supposed to be - should be the guests on 'Kiddy Kartoon
Karnival', which is just 3 doors down. THIS is a MAN'S show! This is where
MEN get to do GUY things and be ADULT, NOT a TV playhouse that encourages
rough-house behavior!" "Darn!" said the first puppy-like creature in a
voice that resembled Ringo Starr's. "Wait a minute," the third creature
began to say to Tim angrily. "What's all this 'guy' stuff? Are you saying
there's nothing for women on here?" "Well, no," answered Tim. "I did a
show with women in it once!" "Uh-Huh!" the female replied sarcastically
rolling her eyes. "Swimsuit edition, I'll bet! You men are all alike! The
Ethics Committee for Women shall hear of this!" "And what's all this
'adult' stuff?" added the tall, lanky one. "Is this 'For Mature Audiences
Only'? Are we gonna face endless hassles from WB Legal on a.t.a. again?"
"WB Legal? a.t.a.?" asked Tim in befuddlement. "Exactly what planet ARE
you from?" "Forget it, kid!" the female winked at him. "You wouldn't
understand!" "I AM NOT A KID!!!" Tim screamed again. "Oh, I wouldn't know,
Tim!" joked Al some more. "With an attitude like THAT, I'm surprised you
ever even made the Kindergarten Finals!" "Look, will someone just please
tell me what this is all about?" Tim asked frustratingly. "OK," said the
tall, lanky one. "But if you freak out again, we're using the Elephant
Tranquilizer!" "So, who - or, rather, WHAT - are you anyway?" "We're the
Warner Brothers!" the two males replied in unison. "AND the Warner
SISTER!" the female added enthusiastically. "I'm Yakko," said the tall
one. "I'm Wakko," said his brother. "You can say THAT again!" Tim muttered
under his breath, a la Popeye. "And I'M... *cute!*" said the female, while
her brothers rolled their eyes in response.
"Say, Mister," Wakko started to ask him, "why were ya
gonna call the exterminator? Ya fumigatin' for termites?" "No," explained
Tim. "I thought you were bugs!" "You thought we were what?" Yakko asked
surprisingly. "Bugs!" exclaimed Tim. "This guy needs a quick lesson in
'Toon Species Identification, sibs," Yakko whispered to Wakko and...
and.. what's her name... the cute one (suddenly, my typing is
interrupted by a small, female puppy-like creature) . "Yes?" I asked her.
"Hey, Mr. Acme, how many times I gotta TELL ya? It's DOT! D-O-T, Dot!"
"Oh, right, Dot. Sorry about that!" "But call me 'Dottie'," she continued,
"and you DIE!" "Yeah, well," I answered back, "just for future reference,
MY name is MARV. M-A-R-V, Marv. But call me 'Marvie' and you DIE! Right
back at you!" "Oh, I see - it's the old 'reverse psychology' gag. Ha-ha,
funny!" "Yeah, whatever - can we get back to this story?" "Sure thing,
Marv -have your people call my people! We'll do lunch!" (We now rejoin
"'Toon Tool Time", already in progress!)
And so, Yakko, Wakko and - DOT sat Tim in front of a
poster that had Bugs Bunny's face on it. "Just for the record, Mr.
Taylor," said Yakko mimicking a college professor's voice, "WE are WARNERS
- THAT is BUGS!" (Wakko does another drum-roll) "Not THAT type of Bugs!"
Tim shouted in disgust. "I mean, I thought you were some type of insect! I
was going to call the exterminator to spray you!" "What for?" asked Yakko.
"What did we ever do to you in the first place to deserve such
punishment?" "All we wanted to do was make friends with you," explained
Wakko. "We like you," remarked Dot. "We have no taste, but we like you!"
"Er, yeah, whatever," Tim said almost breathlessly. "Anyway, what are you
three DOING here?" "You mean, besides driving you insane with these zany
gags?" asked Yakko in a rather smart-alecky voice. "We're here to
demonstrate the virtues of various 'toon tools!" "Like mallets!" exclaimed
Wakko. "And anvils!" added Dot. (said, exclaimed, added, continued,
screamed, remarked, retorted, joked - boy, I'm running on empty in the
adjective department here! Maybe I should ask Lari to turn this fanfic
into a Mad Lib!) "Unnnhh?" Tim grunted.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen," Yakko announced to
the "Tool Time" audience, "our associate, The Mime, shall demonstrate if
the anvil we have hoisted to the ceiling is heavy enough!" Wakko and Dot
enter from off-stage with The Mime in tow, the latter who appears rather
reluctant to go through with the experiment. "Relax, kid," Dot informed
him. "We've paid your Blue Cross in advance!" "Yeah," Yakko reassured him.
"Besides, Wile E. Coyote makes MILLIONS doing this gag - YOU'LL probably
get DOUBLE that much!" Suddenly, The Mime's eyes did that old
cash-register sound, complete with dollar-sign-shaped pupils for effect,
and he voluntarily stepped into the center of a huge bull's-eye that was
placed on stage by the Warners. "Al," Tim whispered to him backstage,
"just WHAT is that supposed to prove?" "Don't disturb the delicate genius
of this, Tim!" "Oh, well far be it from me to disturb THEIR delicate
genius, Al!" Tim sarcastically exclaimed. "I mean, no offense, but that's
like calling 'Dumb And Dumber' Oscar material!" "You should know, Tim,"
retorted Al. "After all, you taught Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels everything
they know!" "Let's not start THAT again, Al!" Tim reminded him. Back on
stage, The Mime patiently waited in the center of the bull's-eye for the
oncoming anvil. Speaking of which, the big, burly construction worker who
was working the pulley from which the anvil now hung was awaiting
instructions from Yakko. "Lower, lower - no, lower, still!" Yakko shouted
through a microphone. "Good! Now swing it a little more to the left...
@@@@@hhh, actually, a little more to the right - no, wait, left!" Yakko
stopped to get the precise measure of it all by hand. "Perfect!" he
exclaimed. "Okay, Morty, lower away!" And, with that, the cables loosened,
the anvil fell and a huge THUD could be heard clear from here to "Out Of
The Tower And Out Of Their Minds" (SHAMELESS PLUG FOR ANOTHER FANFIC!)
"Wasn't that just superb, folks?" Yakko asked the audience. "Let's hear it
for - THE MIME!" "Better YET, " added Dot (or maybe she multiplied it. My
memory's getting kind of fuzzy at this point!) "Let's hear it for that
ANVIL!" "Sound as a dollar!" remarked Wakko. (At this point, The Mime
crawls out from under the anvil, wriggling all the way. He then holds up a
sign which reads, "Is There A Doctor In The House?" and exits.) "That was
pointless!" remarked Tim. (Cut to a shot of Slappy Squirrel reading the
fanfic on her own home computer shouting, "Hey, that's MY line!") "But,
Tim, there was MORE to it than just dropping an anvil on that mime!" Al
commented. "There was timing in the way they planned and executed the
initial fall OF the anvil - they set the precise coordinate and
everything! That was actually skilled craftsmanship in action, which is
more than we can ever say of YOUR work on the show!" "Watch it, Gene
Shalit," Tim verbally retaliated to Al, "or I'll report you to the Film
Critics' Local 839!"
"And now, ladies and gentlemen," Yakko announced
once again, "my brother, Wakko, shall demonstrate the dependability of the
new Acme Mallet 5,000!" "What's he talking about, Al?" Tim asked in a
state of confusion. "It looks like an ordinary mallet to me!" "It's
techno-talk, Tim!" replied Al. "You wouldn't understand!" Wakko entered
the stage lugging a huge mallet behind him. Placed in the center of the
stage where the anvil and bull's-eye once were was a small, tiny acorn.
"No way is he going to crack open that small nut with that big mallet! Not
a snowball's chance in -" "Careful, Tim, this is a FAMILY show!" Standing
just above Wakko from a broadcaster's sound booth were his sibs, Yakko and
Dot, dressed in sportscaster's attire. The latter, mimicking a British
announcer's voice, approached the mike and said, "Wakko Warner now putting
for the British Mahster's TOURnamahnt!", then added with a sly smile, "I
also do Mae West!"
Wakko grunted, then attempted to swing, just missing the acorn. Yakko, up
in the booth, slapped his face and said, "Oh! Just missed it by THAT
much!" (NOTE: Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are unable to
bring you the video portion of our fanfic - therefore, you shall have to
determine for YOURSELF just how much "THAT much" amounts to! We now rejoin
"'Toon Tool Time", already in progress!) Never one to give up so easily,
however, Wakko swung again, but missed just the same. "He swung - and he
MISSED!" Yakko exclaimed. "Thank you, Mr. Perceptive!" said Dot rather
lackadaisically. Back off-stage, Tim was getting impatient. "This has gone
far enough, Al!" he protested. "Can't I just go on and do my demonstration
now? This could take all day, and I doubt that my audience needs a cure
for Insomnia!" "Oh, I don't know, Tim!" replied Al. "You seem to
unknowingly provide them with one yourself everytime you lecture on 'The
Lawnmower Through The Ages'. Besides, these Warner kids are professionals
- he'll crack that acorn faster than you can say 'Jack Robinson'!" "At the
rate HE'S going," Tim stated with tongue planted firmly in cheek (sounds
like he's paid a visit to Michael Jackson's cosmetic surgeon!), "both Jill
and I will be ready for our pension checks by the time he's done!" But
back onstage, Wakko lifted the mallet over his shoulders, then let it hang
in mid-air momentarily (pausing briefly, he informs the audience, "And I
did that without the aid of wires!"). He held out his hands, spit on them,
then rubbed them vigorously. Finally, his hands clasped the mallet and he
took a mighty swing - and cracked the acorn so hard, it was practically
reduced to sawdust! He then tossed the oversized mallet in his mouth and
ate it. "DeeeEEElicious!" he commented, as the audience broke into a
hearty applause (see, it's a running gag... ). "YES!!!" shouted Yakko
from the booth. "And it's good!" added Dot.
At this point, Tim could stand it no
longer. He stormed onto the stage (not literally - there was no storm
cloud hanging over his head, silly!) and grabbed the Warners by their
necks (Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking - how did Yakko and Dot get
from the control booth to the stage so quickly? Sorry, but as many
talented 'toon actors would be so quick to tell you, that's privileged
information!). "Now, listen, you three," he said out of disgust. "this is
MY show, too! I have a demonstration of my own to perform, and you've done
your bit with the anvils and mallets! Now get out before I - Hey, wait a
minute! How'd you other two get down HERE so quickly?" "Didn't you read
the second statement in parentheses a few lines back, Bub?" quipped Yakko
sarcastically.
"Besides, we still have one more demonstration!" "Yeah, we still have to
demonstrate anvils and mallets in CONJUNCTION with each other!" explained
Wakko. "Unnnh?" Tim grunted in confusion. "Say, didn't you do the voice of
that spaceman in 'Toy Story'?" asked Dot rather curiously. "Space RANGER",
Tim angrily corrected her. "Oh-KAY!" responded Yakko. "You're mocking me!"
Tim said out of even further disgust.
Yakko and Dot did a whirly-change-y thing
and were soon out of their sportscaster's outfits and back to their
regular clothes just in time to rejoin the audience with Wakko in tow.
Everyone else applauded wildly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" shouted
Yakko. "You've been a lovely audience, and we'd love to take you home with
us, but, @@@@@hhh, we don't have enough closet space!" The audience broke
out with laughter. "Seriously, though, my sibs and I have to get going
ASAP, but before we do, we at least have time to give you a brief musical
interlude! (GRATUITOUS FREAKAZOID! REFERENCE) Wakko, the mallets and
anvils - IF you please!" Wakko dashed off-stage, then returned immediately
with enough mallets and anvils to fill a warehouse! "Thenk you," said
Yakko in his worst Mel Torme imitation on record. The siblings raised
their mallets high, and pounded the anvils soundly, all the while ringing
them to the tune of that old Anvilanian favorite, "Let The Anvils Ring!"
Dot tapped out the tune lightly on a smaller anvil with a smaller mallet,
while Wakko banged his head against the side of a gigantic anvil. Finally,
all three broke out into song (beginning to spot a trend here?): "Let the
anvils ring!!! Let the anvils ring!!!" "C'mon, everybody," Yakko coaxed
the audience, "sing along if you know the words!" "Let the anvils ring!!!"
they all sang in unison. "Louder! Faster!" instructed Yakko. "LET THE
ANVILS RING!!!" they all boomed out (Oh, no, now they're BOOMING out? Run
for the hills! This fanfic's gonna BLOW!!!!!). "I can't HEAR you!" Yakko
called out. "LET THE ANVILS RI-" Suddenly, the festivities were cut short
by an enraged Tim who very summarily shoved the Warners off-stage, then
re-entered the stage all by himself. Backstage, Al said to the Warners, "I
don't get it - after his show in which he used tools for musical
instruments, I'd think he'd be tickled pink about a number performed
solely with the aid of anvils and mallets!" "Professional jealousy among
actors, that's what it is!" said Yakko in a smart-alecky sort of way. Back
onstage, Tim finally began his presentation. "Now, mallets and anvils are
OK tools for cartoon characters, and we've all seen what they can do," he
began. "BUT, for a real MAN'S job-" "Are you implying we're not man
enough?" Yakko called from backstage. "Or WOMAN enough, for that matter?"
added Dot. Tim just ignored the remarks and decided to get on with his
part of the show. "As I was saying, for a real MAN'S job, you need the
help of the Binford Lumberjac-O-Matic!" "Ah, yes, Binford," commented
Yakko. "The 'Acme' of power tools!" "In more ways than one!" Dot
counter-commented with a wink to the audience. "Heidi, the Binford
Lumberjac-O-Matic - IF you please!" Just then, Tim's lovely assistant,
Heidi entered the stage, and did SHE ever spark a response from the Warner
Brothers! (Spark? YIKES!!! I TOLD you this fanfic was gonna blow -any
second now, ANY SECOND NOW!!!) "HELLOOOO, TOOL TIME NURSE!!!" they shouted
at her in unison, much to Tim's embarrassment. "Boys," Dot grinned
apologetically. "All instincts, no intellects!" Just then, Heidi wheeled a
huge mechanical apparatus onto the stage, then left. "Wait a minute, I
just realized something!" exclaimed Dot. "What's that, Dot?" asked Al.
"That couldn't be Heidi - her hair wasn't in pig-tails! And she didn't
even yodel once!" Back onstage, Tim climbed aboard his vehicle and
adjusted a pair of safety goggles. "See that pile of logs over there?" he
asked his audience, pointing to - well, to a pile of logs. DUH! "With the
help of the Binford Lumberjac-O-Matic, I'll be able to slice through those
babies like a knife through butter - and then, we'll have enough planks to
start building that front porch I promised you all earlier!" And so, Tim
attempted to start up the motor, and the Lumberjac-O-Matic was on its way.
However, when he tried to steer said machine towards said logs, the device
swerved in reverse. "What the - ?" he asked out of astonishment. Things
truly went from bad to worse when Tim tried to slam on the brakes, only to
have his huge, tractor-like device fling him forward. "Whoa! Dumber than
advertised!" said Yakko from backstage. Tim tried to catch up to the huge
monstrosity as it was doing doughnuts on the stage, but found that task to
be well nigh impossible.
Suddenly, a blonde baby girl in overalls emerged
from the audience and climbed aboard the Lumberjac-O-Matic, riding it as
though she were on a ride at Six Flags Great America. "Buggy go 'round!!!"
she very happily exclaimed. "Hey!!!" Tim shouted at her. "Hey, little
girl, get AWAY from that - it's not a TOY!!!!!!" Tim tried to pry her
loose, but to no avail. Instead, he wound up going along for the ride,
screaming wildly. From backstage, Dot said, "Boy, if THAT'S how a real MAN
handles a stressful situation, I'd hate to see how someone LESS manly
would go about it!" "We'd best go to the aid of our new Special Friend,
sibs!" Yakko decided. "Tally-HOOOO!!!" And the Warners sprung (yes,
LITERALLY sprung) into action. Meanwhile, the Lumberjac-O-Matic was making
its way up the walls, the little girl no longer in it, but Tim still
holding on for dear life. "Silly Toolman!" giggled the little girl in
response. Just as it looked as if Tim was about to be ground into
hamburger, however, Wakko got out a huge bag, pulled a huge trampoline out
of it and lay it just beneath the log-eating machine just in time! The
force of the trampoline was so great, it sent the Lumberjac-O-Matic
crashing through the ceiling - and practically into orbit! As for the
little girl, Yakko and Dot safely returned her to her seat. As they were
leaving, she said "OK, I love you, buh-bye!" to them for no apparent
reason.
As they re-entered the stage, however,
both they and Wakko were less than warmly greeted by Tim, who seemed ready
to explode with rage. (She's gonna BLOW, I tell ya!!! Get out NOW while
you still can!!!) "You- You - You -" he started to say, which prompted
Yakko's response: "Nice impression of a broken record, Tim. What do you
plan to do for an encore?" "YOU INCORRIGIBLE LITTLE BRATS!!!!!" Tim
screamed wildly. "Hey, Hey, Tim, Baby," Yakko snapped at him. "Is THAT any
way to thank us after we saved your life?" "I'd rather be DEAD after what
you did to my ceiling! Do you realize how much repairs for that are going
to cost?" "Is that a trick question?" asked Dot sarcastically. "And the
Binford Lumberjac-O-Matic," he raved on. "I won't be able to order a new
one for MONTHS!!!!!! Why, I ought to..." Just then, Al entered the set and
tried to hold Tim back. "Easy, Tim!" he said. "You don't want to pop a
blood vessel!" "I ought to pop these kids in the head!" roared Tim
begrudgingly. "Careful, pal," Yakko scolded him. "Or you'll wind up the
subject of a TV Movie Of The Week!" Tim stopped himself, then asked Al,
"Well, what am I going to DO? Those kids wrecked my ceiling and lost my
Lumberjac-O-Matic!" "Tell you what, Tim," Al consoled him. "I'll let you
borrow MY Lumberjac-O-Matic and you can demonstrate it on the next show!"
This prompted yet ANOTHER snappy response from Yakko: "@@@@@hhh... I don't
know if the audience has enough medical insurance to withstand another of
his demonstrations!" "Quiet, you!" Tim gnarled back at him. "Tim,
remember, your vessels!" scolded Al. "Yeah, Tim," Dot agreed. "And
remember your part played by Christopher Walken!" The two handymen walked
off of one side of the set just as two white mice entered from the other.
"Greetings, loyal public!" exclaimed the first one. "It is I, the Brain,
here to demonstrate the new, improved Smallerizer Plus!" The Warners
looked at each other, nodding their heads in disbelief. Yakko then turned
to the Brain and informed him, "Sorry, Brain, you're on the wrong show -
'Fantastically Amazing Stuff' is 12 doors down! And, besides, you're off
your rocker if you think you can conquer the Earth with that 'Smallerizer
Plus Pitchmouse' schtick again!" "Yeah, remember the dreaded side effect
due to overuse?" added Dot. "But I re-worked the formula this time!" the
Brain reassured the Warners. "Nothing could POSSIBLY go awry THIS time!
Why, the odds of another Smallerizer Plus-related accident are
ASTRONOMICAL!!!" "So's the Binford Lumberjac-O-Matic," replied Yakko
rather smartly. Suddenly, the other white mouse tapped Brain on the
shoulder. "Oh, what is it NOW, Pinky?" Brain asked him rather grumpily.
"About that new, improved Smallerizer Plus, Brain..." "Well, what OF it?
You DID remember to bring it, didn't you?" "Well, er, yes, Brain," Pinky
said nervously. "But, um, I accidentally spilled too much on that
cameraman over there, and..." "And WHAT, Pinky?" snarled Brain
impatiently. Before Pinky could finish, however, a huge, orange, smiling
dinosaur approached the set - AND the mice - and grabbed them in their
hands, squeezing them in an obsessive-compulsive sort of way, all the
while calling them his "yum-yum, funny-fun, gosh-and-gollly-gee-whiz,
doodle-dumpling friends!" "Never mind, Pinky!" retorted Brain. "I think I
see what happened!" As the dinosaur left with Pinky and Brain in his
hands, the Warners turned to the audience and Yakko announced, "Well,
folks, that's our special 'Tool Time' for this week - hope you enjoyed it!
Now stay tuned to ABC for a special episode of 'Champs', guest-starring
the cast of 'Rocko's Modern Life'!" As the trio left, Yakko blew the
audience a kiss and called out, "Goodnight, Everybody!" as they burst out
with laughter (DUCK AND COVER!!! DUCK AND COVER!!!).
And there you have it. Coming up next, "A! Moments We'll
Never See #1"! See you then!
Sincerely,
Marv "The 'Toonman" Acme
P.S., This fanfic will self-destruct in five seconds. (Just kidding!)
--
"Be careful with that gun... this ain't no cartoon!"
- Benny The Cab, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
(1988)
