Custody battle follows murder of mom by dad
mothra...@hotmail.com
here, in which a man shot to death his estranged wife when the wife
returned to the family home to pick up her clothing. Their daughter,
who was six years old at the time, was in the house when the murder
occurred, downstairs with her grandfather--in fact, the presence of her
daughter and father-in-law was a factor in the wife's deciding it would
be safe for her to come back to the house. Now the father is in prison,
sentenced to 18 years, of which at least 15 must be served before he is
eligible for parole. He received this sentence after he agreed to plead
guilty to aggravated manslaughter--the DA was sure he could get a murder
conviction, but a trial would have necessitated making public evidence
of the couple's unconventional sex life, causing pain and embarrassment
to the dead wife's family.
With her father in prison and her mother dead, the little girl, now 9,
goes back and forth, week by week, from one set of grandparents to the
other. She is able to stay in her school, but every week she moves from
one household to the other, each only a few miles from the other. The
mother's parents have gone to court now to request full custody of their
grandchild; the father's parents oppose any change.
I feel so very sorry for this little girl. The lurid details of her
parents' sex life, the torture her mother was subjected to by her
father, makes it unlikely imho that she will ever have any kind of
normal relationship with him once he's out of prison. She's shuttled
back and forth, back and forth.
The parents' names are Frank and Brenda Ripoli. At the time of the
murder, he was the Burlington County (NJ) environmental health
coordinator, and his wife was a marketing executive for the American
Dairy Council in Philadelphia. She and Frank met when they both were
working at the Burlington County Health Department, while he was still
married to his first wife, Lorene.
Lorene was a hairdresser and had gone to high school with Frank. She
says she was attracted by his "little-boy helplessness." She was
flattered to feel so needed by this handsome wrestler, but she began to
feel uneasy when he demanded that she attend his every bout. They went
out for nine years before they got married; after she'd had sex with
him, she says, she felt no one else would want her.
Frank picked up her paycheck every Friday. He bought himself an MGB,
then a Triumph Spitfire, then a Datsun 280Z while her car fell into
disrepair. He began to go out without her, and she started to think
about leaving him, but he had also begun to buy guns. He enjoyed
showing them to her, explaining in detail the kinds of wounds each could
inflict, and she felt threatened. After four years, when Frank went out
of town "to visit an old friend," she got up enough courage to call her
father and other relatives to come pick up her and her belongings. When
they got there, she told them she wanted to know what was in the
chained-up three-foot-long metal box Frank had bolted into a closet
wall. When she'd asked about it, Frank had told her "It's not yours.
It's not your business." The men went at it with hammers but could not
get it open.
In the meantime, Frank had been seeing Brenda, and after Lorene left
him, he moved in with her, bringing the locked metal box. He chained it
to their bed and told her that it contained guns, which he would use on
her if she did not obey him. Eventually, Brenda would refer to Lorene
as "the luckiest woman in the world" for having been able to leave
Frank.
Brenda was also involved in Frank's neediness--she gave him his insulin
shots twice a day for his diabetes. She had to buy fresh meat and
vegetables every day because he refused to eat frozen food or leftovers.
When he had insomnia, he woke her and made her read to him until he
could fall asleep. And he had a voracious appetite for sex.
He also made a point of explaining each of his guns and the wounds it
could cause to his new wife, eventually forcing her at gunpoint to
accede to his sexual demands. She didn't object too much to the nude
photographs, but then his demands became noxious to her, particularly
since he insisted on videotaping her.
At one point after their daughter was born, Brenda revealed to her best
friend that her husband had been blackmailing her, forcing her to engage
in sadomasochistic sex against her will, then videotaping and
photographing her. He kept the evidence of her sex life in a
safe-deposit box and threatened to send copies to her parents, her
employer and her friends--even to the judge--if she ever tried to
divorce him. He also threatened to kill her and her parents if she ever
left him.
One of the small humiliations I recall when this story was news was that
he forced her every year, on their anniversary, to put on her wedding
gown to demonstrate that she had not gained weight.
Finally, in March 1999, Frank made a sexual demand that was so odious to
Brenda that she decided to risk everything and leave him. She pretended
to be going to work that morning, but instead she went to her daughter's
school and picked her up, then flew to Florida, where her parents had a
vacation home. She called her friend and told her that Frank had
demanded that she do something "permanently degrading," and that she
just couldn't do it. The friend pressed her about what the act was, but
Brenda couldn't bring herself to say what it was. LE now believes that
Frank had ordered Brenda to solicit sex from three or more men at a bar
and bring them home. He would watch and videotape her having sex with
all three of them at once.
Brenda's lawyer advised her to leave Florida and start custody
proceedings. She moved in with her parents in Mount Laurel NJ and
allowed the child to visit her father on weekends. On April 8, Frank
agreed to allow Brenda back into their home to pick up the rest of her
clothing. She said she was afraid to return with him in the house, and
he assured her that their child and his father would be present. The
grandfather and child stayed downstairs. The mother went upstairs with
the father, and was shot dead.
Frank Ripoli had had many affairs, including the one with Brenda. One
of the longest-lasting was with a woman named Tina Rizzo, who also
worked in the same department. She and another woman were so obviously
involved with Frank that other employees filed a grievance, complaining
that workplace morale was being affected by their behavior.
Lorene knew about Tina, but they told Lorene that Tina was only Frank's
"best friend." Tina was involved in sex play with Frank and Brenda, as
shown in photographs police found in that locked metal box. Tina visits
Frank regularly in prison and spends time with his parents and his
daughter.
The other woman in the office with whom Frank Ripoli was having an
affair has refused to talk about it but she did tell detectives after
the killing that her affair with Ripoli was "subhuman." He photographed
her, too, making it difficult for her to end the relationship.
So now a judge has been asked to decide where this nine-year-old girl
should live. Both sets of grandparents are in their 70s. The maternal
grandparents believe it is not healthy for the child to be shuttled back
and forth and are seeking full custody. They believe the Ripolis'
continuing devotion to their son and their refusal to discuss the
killing with their grandchild to be contrary to the child's best
interests.
The Ripolis also want full custody, although they say they would not
object to leaving things as they are. They feel they would be the best
caretakers because they provided daytime care for the child when she was
younger, and they want her to have a relationship with her father.
The judge has also been asked to rule on whether or not Frank Ripoli
will be allowed to have any contact with his daughter, and under what
conditions. The girl has said she wants to talk to her father, to ask
him about the murder.
And the girl's court-appointed guardian has also filed a wrongful-death
civil suit against Frank Ripoli on behalf of the estate of Brenda Ripoli
and her child.
Martha
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(I won't be on the Newton/Orbit thing forever, this is just a minor
break in normal service!) Jason Pope, atc, 10/24/2000
Jane Cactus (JC)
<mothra...@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:3CD0B4...@erols.com...
Wow. I remember when this murder happened, because the circumstances - the
wife going there while the f-i-l and child were there, and the husb not
caring, shooting her anyway. I thought it was in Colo though. Wonder if
there was a similar case there I was thinking of. I don't recall anything
else about it, certainly not the animal's treatment of all these women.
I can understand the child wanting to ask her father about the shooting. But
it is very hard to understand the parents and their support of their son,
even tho he IS their son. (And what about that nutty Tina who visits
regularly?) I wish the article would have said what the child wants to do,
if anything. Actually, maybe it would be too much to ask her to make a
decision since she's probably close to all and wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
If the child wouldn't have objections, I think she should be with her
mother's family. The fact that there is little discussion in the paternal
grandparents' household about the murder is a major obstacle to them
providing a healthy environment for the little girl. It all needs to be out
in the open, with honesty. That man led an evil life and did evil things.
Even if he's somehow magically changed by this point in time, the context
still needs to be shared and his 'old' self explained. And anyway, his old
self is probably not changed at all.
JC
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