Re: Due to bouts of depression...

[Carl]

From the Steam forums:

In a press conference yesterday, a group of scientists published announced
their stunning research results on the possibility of troll reformation.
The project, codenamed "Mission Impossible", was started several years ago
in response to the rising number of internet trolls. The goal was simple: to
find out if there was a way to get a troll to see reason. The experiment was
conducted by obtaining ten especially annoying trolls and feeding them
variously worded posts to find out if there was a change in the way they
acted. The result of the test, however, was far different from what anyone
expected.
"Basically", said one of the researchers, "trolls are not actually trolls at
all. That would mean they have some kind of a base intellect and that it
would be possible to eventually reason with them on a primitive level. What
really struck us, however, was that the so called "trolling" is infectious
and can spread to others. Thus, we have realized that they are not trolls
but zombies."
That is right folks, trolls are actually zombies. The researchers point to
the mindless belligerence of these creatures and to the fact that failed
attempts to fight one end in the poster becoming a troll himself. One
researcher noted that "the infection spreads quickly, overcoming most
peoples' sanity very rapidly."
This result also has introduced a new way of dealing with "trolls". The
scientists recommend that, instead of trying to reach them with logic, one
should deal with them as with any zombie. "Cutting off the head works best.
Of course, if you cannot reach their house, it is best to do it online, aka.
ignore them. This usually produces a similar result, as without anything to
attack, the troll will leave."
The researchers do warn against "super-zombies", or trolls who retain some
reasoning capacity. They can even provide help to other forum members, but
be warned. The semblance of rationality is an illusion and thus can invite
those who would normally never respond into a battle they will loose.
The researchers have not yet developed a cure for this new disease, but they
assure us they are working on one. "For now, if you are exposed," said the
heard researcher," you should avoid contact with any forum for at least an
hour. This generally will restore enough rationality to fight the disease.
Once infected, though, the disease is permanent and so far we have not found
a way to accomplish our original goal, which is to reform these poor
beings."
As for who actual trolls are, the researchers say that a Hammer Legion
Member more closely resembles a troll due to their lack of ability to
reason, but their limited though abilities concerning whatever thing they
are obsessed with.
Stay tuned for more updates! (Many trolls where harmed during the research.
Names have not been mentioned so that the researchers can stay safe from
spammers, who they plan on investigating next.)