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Everything you didn't want to know about Pokémon
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Sara Jaye
Dec 3, 2000, 3:00:00 AM12/3/00
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everything you didn't want to know about pokémon
(or denied wanting to)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
******************************************************************** 01. The
Spearows and the Beedrills
********************************************************************
A. Introduction
------------------------------------------------------------------ There
comes a time in the life of every Pokémon where they go through
changes. What puberty is to humans, evolution is the same to Pokémon.
However, unlike puberty, there are no educational sessions taken during
your normal gym period where you learn about evolution. That is what this
section is for: to educate you.
B. Example of a Hermaphrodite Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ Of
course, with the several different species of Pokémon that exist, it
is only natural that they all have different ways of reproducing. For
example, the Butterfree are actually hermaphrodites and possess
reproductive organs of both sexes. Therefore, a Butterfree may engage in
sexual intercourse with any other Butterfree.
C. Example of an Asexual Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ It is
not as simple for some Pokémon, however. The Bulbasaur are also another
species of Pokémon where there is no male and female. However, they are
asexual, meaning they do not need a partner to be able to reproduce.
Bulbasaur fertilize their own egg by taking their "vine whips" and
inserting them into the center of the plant bulbs they carry on their
back. There is a small hole at the end of the "vine whip" that ejaculates
a greenish, sticky liquid into the bulb. The sticky liquid has the exact
same genetic structure as a human male's semen. This means that the
Bulbasaur semen contains sperm which fertilizes the bulb.
After approximately eighteen hours, the bulb on the back of the
Bulbasaur parts. The Bulbasaur is then known as an Ivysaur. Twenty
hours after it evolves, the bulb fully opens to reveal a baby Bulbasaur.
The "mother" is then known as a Venusaur. The process, unfortunately, did
not make it into the game as Nintendo deemed it "inappropriate for young
children".
Anyway, this is how the Bulbasaur reproduces. Because of the process,
a Bulbasaur may only have sex with itself once. However, some mutated forms
of Bulbasaur do exist that have more than one bulb on their back. These
mutants may have sex with itself once for each bulb it carries.
D. Example of a Normal Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ Nidorans
are one of the few Pokémon that have a male and a female in their
species. The way they reproduce is simple enough. A male and a female get
together and the male ejaculates several sperm cells in hopes of one of
them fertilizing the female's egg. After a couple of months of being
pregnant, a baby Nidoran is born.
E. Example of a Homosexual Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ There
are some species that contain both, a male and a female, but sadly the
opposite sexes are not interested in each other. Most notably is the
Charmander. They are mostly interested in having what is known as anal
sex with those of the same gender by sticking their fiery tails up
each other's rear ends.
Fortunately, five percent of the Charmander species turn out to be
heterosexual. Sadly, they are outcasted from the group like Rudolph
from the reindeers. The outcasts then perform sexual intercourse. The
average female Charmander is able to have over twenty eggs fertilized
during sexual intercourse.
******************************************************************** 02. Cause
and Effect
********************************************************************
A. Introduction
------------------------------------------------------------------ Each
species of Pokémon have certain skills that help to distinguish it
from the rest of the Poké Universe. Certain species have certain
powers for a reason. This section will explain what some of those are.
B. Gloom's Signature Aroma
------------------------------------------------------------------ Gloom,
the evolved form of Oddish, is most notably recognized by the stench it
gives off. However, very few people know the real reason it smells. The
reason is, when an Oddish evolves into a Gloom, several parts of its
system remain the same size while the rest of the body grows bigger.
This includes the anus and digestive systems. Although the Gloom needs
more and bigger food items to satisfy its hunger, its stomach and rear end
is unable to keep up. The Gloom suffers painful constipation and usually
is only able to relieve itself in short spurts by releasing methane gas.
This is where the smell comes from. However, it can not remain
constipated for long and this is why the average lifespan of a Gloom
is six hours after its last meal.
C. Squirtle's Infinite Supply of Water
------------------------------------------------------------------ One of
Squirtle's most well-known moves is his Water Gun which is a powerful move
that is valuable even afte r the Squirtle has evolved once, maybe even
twice. Despite the amount of water this move uses, it seems as though the
Squirtle still has more water left in its supply.
The reason for this is simple. Like a camel, a Squirtle is able to store
a large amount of water in its body for lon g periods of time. It only
needs to take in a large amount of water once every two weeks. However, the
Squirtle needs less than one liter of water in the two-week period, and
thus, it is able to shoot the excess water. It is similar to
urinating, only much more sanitary.
everything you didn't want to know about pokémon
(or denied wanting to)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
******************************************************************** 01. The
Spearows and the Beedrills
********************************************************************
A. Introduction
------------------------------------------------------------------ There
comes a time in the life of every Pokémon where they go through
changes. What puberty is to humans, evolution is the same to Pokémon.
However, unlike puberty, there are no educational sessions taken during
your normal gym period where you learn about evolution. That is what this
section is for: to educate you.
B. Example of a Hermaphrodite Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ Of
course, with the several different species of Pokémon that exist, it
is only natural that they all have different ways of reproducing. For
example, the Butterfree are actually hermaphrodites and possess
reproductive organs of both sexes. Therefore, a Butterfree may engage in
sexual intercourse with any other Butterfree.
C. Example of an Asexual Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ It is
not as simple for some Pokémon, however. The Bulbasaur are also another
species of Pokémon where there is no male and female. However, they are
asexual, meaning they do not need a partner to be able to reproduce.
Bulbasaur fertilize their own egg by taking their "vine whips" and
inserting them into the center of the plant bulbs they carry on their
back. There is a small hole at the end of the "vine whip" that ejaculates
a greenish, sticky liquid into the bulb. The sticky liquid has the exact
same genetic structure as a human male's semen. This means that the
Bulbasaur semen contains sperm which fertilizes the bulb.
After approximately eighteen hours, the bulb on the back of the
Bulbasaur parts. The Bulbasaur is then known as an Ivysaur. Twenty
hours after it evolves, the bulb fully opens to reveal a baby Bulbasaur.
The "mother" is then known as a Venusaur. The process, unfortunately, did
not make it into the game as Nintendo deemed it "inappropriate for young
children".
Anyway, this is how the Bulbasaur reproduces. Because of the process,
a Bulbasaur may only have sex with itself once. However, some mutated forms
of Bulbasaur do exist that have more than one bulb on their back. These
mutants may have sex with itself once for each bulb it carries.
D. Example of a Normal Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ Nidorans
are one of the few Pokémon that have a male and a female in their
species. The way they reproduce is simple enough. A male and a female get
together and the male ejaculates several sperm cells in hopes of one of
them fertilizing the female's egg. After a couple of months of being
pregnant, a baby Nidoran is born.
E. Example of a Homosexual Pokémon
------------------------------------------------------------------ There
are some species that contain both, a male and a female, but sadly the
opposite sexes are not interested in each other. Most notably is the
Charmander. They are mostly interested in having what is known as anal
sex with those of the same gender by sticking their fiery tails up
each other's rear ends.
Fortunately, five percent of the Charmander species turn out to be
heterosexual. Sadly, they are outcasted from the group like Rudolph
from the reindeers. The outcasts then perform sexual intercourse. The
average female Charmander is able to have over twenty eggs fertilized
during sexual intercourse.
******************************************************************** 02. Cause
and Effect
********************************************************************
A. Introduction
------------------------------------------------------------------ Each
species of Pokémon have certain skills that help to distinguish it
from the rest of the Poké Universe. Certain species have certain
powers for a reason. This section will explain what some of those are.
B. Gloom's Signature Aroma
------------------------------------------------------------------ Gloom,
the evolved form of Oddish, is most notably recognized by the stench it
gives off. However, very few people know the real reason it smells. The
reason is, when an Oddish evolves into a Gloom, several parts of its
system remain the same size while the rest of the body grows bigger.
This includes the anus and digestive systems. Although the Gloom needs
more and bigger food items to satisfy its hunger, its stomach and rear end
is unable to keep up. The Gloom suffers painful constipation and usually
is only able to relieve itself in short spurts by releasing methane gas.
This is where the smell comes from. However, it can not remain
constipated for long and this is why the average lifespan of a Gloom
is six hours after its last meal.
C. Squirtle's Infinite Supply of Water
------------------------------------------------------------------ One of
Squirtle's most well-known moves is his Water Gun which is a powerful move
that is valuable even afte r the Squirtle has evolved once, maybe even
twice. Despite the amount of water this move uses, it seems as though the
Squirtle still has more water left in its supply.
The reason for this is simple. Like a camel, a Squirtle is able to store
a large amount of water in its body for lon g periods of time. It only
needs to take in a large amount of water once every two weeks. However, the
Squirtle needs less than one liter of water in the two-week period, and
thus, it is able to shoot the excess water. It is similar to
urinating, only much more sanitary.
Sara Jaye
Dec 4, 2000, 7:15:12 PM12/4/00
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