OT: THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
THOR
5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of
Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a
perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an
equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much
does God now love Bob?
2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the
sheep was not willing?
b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could
not be said to mind either?
3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy
plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the
direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates
bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude
towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved?
(Hint: assume a point soul.)
4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human
weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an
alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time
t + 10 sec.?
5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level
for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it
very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much,
everything.
a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn
smug now, is he?
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo
transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many
Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
8-D
THOR
Fortunately I wear nomex underwear.
CaptCBoard
I've just done 100 sit-ups!
Scott
CaptC...@AOL.com
Lloyd Woodrum
THOR <tsa...@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:7ue6h3$gd6$1...@nntp8.atl.mindspring.net...
> THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
>
> 5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
>
> You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of
> Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a
> perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the
exam.
>
> 1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each
an
> equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how
much
> does God now love Bob?
If Joe =y and bob =x y then .9y =2.998*10^8x x OR Y=2.998*10^8x/.9 y=
3.3311111*10^8. Joe is loved at a much lower rate than Bob, since Bob is
really kewel and can go from zero to light speed instantly.
>
> 2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
> a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the
> sheep was not willing?
Sven, being from Amsterdam has been involved in much worse his coefficient
factor is directly proportional to the amunt of sheep involved and if said
sheep were sanctioned by Joseph Everitt. Sven's coeffcient factor is 4x the
amount of STD he is exposed to.
> b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could
> not be said to mind either?
Once again the Joey Everiit factor has not been included , but assuming it
is and the sheep are tolerable. Sven is making quite a bit of cash back in
Amsterdam and really doesn't care.
>
> 3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the
xy
> plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in
the
> direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates
> bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude
> towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved?
> (Hint: assume a point soul.)
A tricjk question, but still a question. Since the Holy spirit is not
constrained to the XY axis and THOR is, Sue will be saved immediately after
having the Fuhrer's Love child
>
> 4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human
> weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of
an
> alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at
time
> t + 10 sec.?
Assuming the rapture is on time, Cornelia's entire body will remain with the
alligator as, neither flesh or bone can enter Heaven.The answer is 90 Kg.
>
> 5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level
> for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys
it
> very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much,
> everything.
> a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now? Stan's sin level increases
geometrically until Stan develops man breasts.
> b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn
> smug now, is he?
Hell no, he needs a bra!
>
> Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo
> transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many
> Joules of heat are released by the transformation? Hah easy this is how
Planck's constant was discovered! 6.26*10^-34 J-s
John Kozin
Another soda gone to waste! Glad it wasn't beer!
THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of
Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a
perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an
equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much
does God now love Bob?
Joe, being sick of Bob's BS, and constant sucking up, bludgeons Bob about the
head with his Prayer Book. Bob arrives at the Pearly Gates and Joe inherits all
of Bob's worldly possessions. God no longer loves Joe, but mearly likes him.
Joe becomes a pimp and street pharmacist. Joe also scripts the first season of
Charlie's Angles.
2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep
was not willing?
As a previous collegue has pointed out, the Joey Everitt variable, better known
as the Rebecca Constant, has not been defined. Given the fact that Sven owns a
pair of Jackboots and has a large body of water in his backyard, the atonement
will consist of only a few weeks of helping to feed the starving sheep in
Istanbul.
b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not
be said to mind either?
Again, reviewing the Rebecca Constant, we find that Sven is a pretty well to do
guy. The original sheep has been retired and a new line of inflatable sheep
entitled: "Rebecca, the Love Ewe" is launched. Sven continues to pull the wool
over the publics eyes while fleecing them for all their worth
3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy
plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the
direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates
bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards
the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: assume a point soul.)
Sue cannot be saved. As a child she collected nothing but B****e and K*n. She
insulted all those children playing happily with their GI Joes in her
neighborhood. Sue currently works for Microsoft and has been the driving force
behind the Windows 95 and above operating systems. Rumor has it she bears the
love child of not only der Reich Leader Thor, but his cousin, Satan himself.
4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human
weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an
alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t +
10 sec.?
The alligator, having found religion itself, will be having a prayer meeting in
order to convert many of its species over. Cornelia at t + 10 sec is currently
wedged under a tree limb about 30ft underwater tenderizing in preparation for
appitizers. The proper question to be asking is: At what temperature should
Loin of Cornelia cook for a time t of 45 minutes, if the body has been
compressed by pressure of 1 Atmosphere. Use the formula Pv=nRT to help
determine this answer.
5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for
his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very
much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much, everything.
a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
Stan realizes that pork is not the only other white meat. He opens his diet to
include cat, which is readily available at most animal shelters for free. In
addition to this, Stan has opened a furrier business, and is actually doing
quite well. Although damned for life for eating the .3 kg of pork, Stan now
spends most of his time in posh hotels sharing his 8 wives with his 12
girlfriends and making x rated movies.
b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug
now, is he?
He may not be smug, however he is wealthy. Currently he is developing his own
cult in which everyone must pay homage to him. Recently he has inquired about
some ready made Chocolate pudding from Jello. Guess it's time to sell my stock
in Jello.........
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo
transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules
of heat are released by the transformation?
The amount of Joules of heat is equivalent to the nth degree of the equasion e =
4(g/D) where g is the gravity and D is the density of the item burning, in
relation to one cubic meter of lava from the depths of hell.
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
Be Prepared!
John
Who is currently relaxing in his corner office overlooking the lava pool.
KevHead
On Mon, 18 Oct 1999 00:12:15 -0700, "THOR" <tsa...@mindspring.com>
wrote:
>THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
>
>5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
>
>You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of
>Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a
>perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
>
>1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an
>equal amount L_0. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much
>does God now love Bob?
>
>2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
>a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the
>sheep was not willing?
>b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could
>not be said to mind either?
>
>3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy
>plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the
>direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates
>bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude
>towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved?
>(Hint: assume a point soul.)
>
>4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human
>weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an
>alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time
>t + 10 sec.?
>
>5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level
>for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it
>very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much,
>everything.
>a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
>b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn
>smug now, is he?
>
>Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo
>transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many
>Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
>
>Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
>
>
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>----
>8-D
>
>THOR
>Fortunately I wear nomex underwear.
>
>
KevHead
"Have fun and Always PLAY with your Toys!"
JBordigob
want to wrestle with the mother of all Theological questions "if God can do
everything can He make a boulder so large that he can't lift it?", I think a
third grader thought that one up. The only chuckle I got from the exam was the
fact that the Bible describes exactly what type of person will ask such foolish
questions.
Joseph Everitt
again THOR! Lloyd and John, your killing me over here.
The Joey Everitt variable and the Rebecca Constant are exclusive property
of LA Command. They may not be copied or rebroadcast without the express
written consent of Major League Baseball.
<<Once again the Joey Everitt factor has not been included , but assuming it
is and the sheep are tolerable. Sven is making quite a bit of cash back in
Amsterdam and really doesn't care.>>
<<As a previous collegue has pointed out, the Joey Everitt variable, better
known
as the Rebecca Constant, has not been defined. Given the fact that Sven
owns a
pair of Jackboots and has a large body of water in his backyard, the
atonement
will consist of only a few weeks of helping to feed the starving sheep in
Istanbul.>>
Joey Everitt
LA Commander
CCCP Road Warrior
Lightning 75
ops32
Rob
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MARK K BOYD
God of course) would still love Thor.
I still can't believe Lloyd would attempt to answer this, but his answers
were excellent. Remind me to sit nest to him during the next test. Mark
Scott Norris
Scott45
wow lookit Rob fly!
*ouch!*
ops32 wrote in message <0a0133f8...@usw-ex0101-001.remarq.com>...
Mythplaced
Mike C.
"Who do I have to grease to get outta here?"
Pfadfinder
We don't want to piss off the mice again!
Be Prepared!
John