The ata-i FAQ
Stephen Morgan
Subject: And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain...
Date: Thu, 04 Jan 2001 22:34:15 GMT
The Final Incarnation of the ata-i FAQ.
--
The Official alt.teens.anti-idiot FAQ and Charter
--
Warnings- I'm Too Fucking Kind is the Problem...
If you're an idiot, then fuck off.
If you're not sure, you probably are, and it's for the best that you fuck
off. If one of the regular accuses you of idiocy and you can't reasonably
defend
yourself, then you are to fuck off. Failure to do so will incur The Wrath.
It should be noted that I am exempt to whatever rules I want. Further
exceptions will be made with the appropriate bribery/ blackmail. Or whenever
I feel like it.
The usual Usenet protocol applies, so just find some random FAQ and get the
damn gist- why the fuck should I have to explain it to you?
There are many around here that just plain suck. Mock them and kill them and
burn their filthy, rotten curses.
You have to buy a copy of Matt Wootton's new album "Are You Wearing Enough
Mascara?". I don't give a shit if you're poor. He's in college, how do you
think he feels?
Thou shalt not quote Oasis, Steps, B*Witched or any other manufactured crap.
And this does not just apply to the music industry.
Exempt: Matt <artistic-irony-licence> (nicked from the atii faq ).
Addendum: Plagiarism is allowed, so long as you get away with it.
Further Note: This does not mean that you can copy me. Fail to comply with
this and a
bunch of us'll be around to your gaff with several stout sticks for
starters...
Even Further Note: This is not to say that you can't fancy the arse off
them. Or me. Any that don't shall be shot, quite frankly.
No one gives a shit how much you hate Bill Gates, and other such soulless
minions of orthodoxy. It's old.
"Netspeak" ("how r u?" and so forth) is frigging well forbidden.
--
Instructions:
Read:
George Orwell; Aldous Huxley; Douglas Adams; Terry Pratchett; JRR Tolkien;
Anthony Burgess; Joseph Heller; Iain (M) Banks; Robert Rankin; Kurt
Vonnegut; Hunter S Thompson; JD Salinger; Garth Ennis; Warren Ellis; Brian
Michael Bendis; Steven Grant; Paul Jenkins; Peter David; John Kennedy Toole;
A couple of others I can't think of that you'd better cop on to quick.
Watch:
Buffy; Angel; South Park; The Simpsons; Futurama; Ali G; The Matrix; Batman
Beyond; The Powerpuff Gilrs; Johnny Bravo; Monty Pythons Flying Circus;
Police Squad; Titus; King of the Beach; Toy Story; American Pie;
Transformers: Robots in Disguise (the original series, not that crappy
computer animated job); The Star Wars Quartet; Singin' in the Rain;
Casablanca; Citizen Kane; Don't Feed the Gondolas; Have I Got News For You;
Whose Line Is It Anyway?; A Scare at Bedtime with Podge and Rodge; Fight
Club; Anything by Quentin Tarantino, Tim Burton, The Coen Brothers or Kevin
Smith; Anything with Jackie Chan, Harvey Keitel or Steve Buscemi in it; Some
other junk that'll get added in later...
Listen to:
The Sex Pistols; The Pixies; The Manic Street Preachers pre-Everything Must
Go; Radiohead; The Beatles; Pink Floyd; The Lazy Idols; The Stereophonics;
The Stone Roses; Led Zeppelin; David Gray; Gomez; The Verve; The Eels;
Mogwai; Nirvana; Death in Vegas; The Beta Band; The Offspring; Ash; The
Chemical Brothers; William Orbit; Air; Moby; Belle&Sebastian; Massive
Attack; Electronic Happy Girl Click and Pop; They Might Be Giants; Urusei
Yatsura and Tom Jones.
Go To:
www.savantmag.com
www.tbns.net/atii
www.warrenellis.com
www.misterridiculous.com
www.napster.com
http://come.to/anarchy
http://bounce.to/gusball
http://welsome.to/intelligentinsanity
www.evilemail.com
www.barbelith.com
www.viewaskew.com
www.script-o-rama.com
www.thespark.com
www.akooka.demon.co.uk
www.silencescape.com
Imbibe:
Vast quantities of alcohol and drugs, based on you own preference. Let it be
known however, that if you can't knock back at least a bottle of JD a night,
then fuck off back to the nursery.
It should be noted that anything mentioned in my semi-regular signature,
also known as "You Had Better Bloody Well..." is also a part of this FAQ. So
pay attention.
--
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: What's Off Topic?
A: Sweet fuck all at first. Then Ashley reminded me I hate you all, so...
Newbies, AOL, Technical/ Mathematical Crap (You can do your bloody homework
yourself), Rants vis-a-vis Evil Corporations Destroying The World The
Bastards (This means YOU, KenClark), Darren Martie, Bateau,X-fuckwit and
just about everyone from alt.teens(that is to say, we want people with more
than three brain cells, and some level of maturity, in case
any of the buggers are reading) just in case... more will follow, rest
assured.
Exempt: Matt and dan (should he ever bother to come in) can rant about
McDonalds- well they had to work there...
Ashley can whine about Bill Gates (she owns a Mac, the poor soul....)
Q: Is anything sacred?
A: No. Except my CD's.
Q: So what's the story with flaming?
A: If you can put up a fight, go ahead. Ranting is good. Just remember that
shitty flaming gets killfiled due to boredom inducement.
Q: I am bored, yet I wish to flame and rant, but everyone here has fucked
off, or just killfiled me the shitheads, where should I go?
A: Alt.Fan.Britney.Spears is a good start. Alt.Humor.Best-Of-Usenet,
Alt.teens, all common sense, really.
Q: I am suffering from terrible genital warts. How might I best cure them?
A: Repeated listening to "Are You Wearing Enough Mascara" by The Lazy Idols.
Q: How come there are so few FAQs?
A: Because nobody actually bothers to ask them, and this is all really an
excuse to point out the rules in my neo-fascist state. Now bow down before
my Mighty Sceptre...
Q: So what's the deal?
A: Well, if people start to frequently question, then the question shall be
sequestered for unquestioning in the Frequently Asked Questions list of
questions. Any Questions?
Q: Yes- my head hurts. What should I do?
A: Leave and never return. You have failed your initiation, and brought
disgrace upon your family. You bastard.
Q: Why do "They" call you Steve?
A: Because it's my name.
Addendum: This was really only relevant a while back, but fuck it.
Q: So can I post here or what?
A: No. Fuck off.
Q: But...
A: Look, IF YOU HAVE TO ASK YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
--
The Steve Directive:
I being the one they call Steve, have the power and authority to make up
rules as I go along, to annoy Newbies. Or Regs. Oh let's face it, who ever
the hell I want to annoy.
Thanks to Ashley, who made stuff up/ stole/ killed when I just couldn't be
arsed. Captain Busternaut, Dan and Matt as well had better get
thanks, just in case they start to give out, and Shalom for ignoring us the
whole time. The rest of you are worthless, and I'll kill you all at my
leisure, you heaving, steaming pustules of filth and shit.
---
The Bit Before The Disclaimer:
Given the obvious, I will no longer be maintaining the alt.teens.anti-idiot
FAQ, and ownership as a result is open to whoever wants it. This version,
and all following versions remain under my copyright until the faq no longer
reasonably resembles this version.
--
Annoying Legal Disclaimer bit that nobody actually reads, but apparently is
necessary to put in:
Posting of other FAQs for alt.teens.anti-idiot is prohibited.
Offenders will be netcopped.
The latest version of this FAQ is available via e-mail, and is posted from
time to time in alt.teens.anti-idiot. Or something. Simply contact
brian...@excite.com for a copy anyway. The right to refuse distribution is
withheld by the author.
To submit information, write to brian...@excite.com and include details
like above.
Written by Brian Michael Caffrey. Real names shall be released when I feel
like it. Or should the cops come to my house with a subpeona...
This article is provided as is without any express or implied warranties.
While every effort has been taken to ensure the accuracy of the information
contained in this article, the author assumes no responsibility for errors
or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information
contained herein.
All content is copyright (©1999-2000) of Brian Michael Caffrey, all rights
reserved. This FAQ may be posted to any USENET newsgroup, on-line service,
web site, or BBS as long as it is posted in its entirety and includes this
copyright statement. This FAQ may be distributed as class material on
diskette or CD-ROM as long
as there is no charge (except to cover materials). Why you would want to is
beyond me. This FAQ may not be distributed for financial gain. This FAQ may
not be included in commercial collections or compilations
without express permission from the author.
FAQ alt.teens.anti-idiot 1st draft created 06/11/1999.
Amended 4/1/2001 pre-empts previous.
--
A mourning nation weeps
And wails
But keeps
The sales
Of evil tabloids healthy
The poor protect the wealthy in this world
-- "Generation Sex", by The Divine Comedy