Re: The Biggest Lie Of A Generation: A Life Online Is A Life Well Lived

[P Ratt]

In article <sr55hk$38g$1...@news.freedyn.de>
<governo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Time to charge tech CEOs with subversion and treason.
>

Satisfying every need on the internet is hardly a life at all.

Imatched with a guy online last month who asked me for my
Instagram handle 30 minutes before our first date when I was
already on my way out the door. After a brief back-and-forth
where we almost pivoted to just drinks, the date, which had
already been on the calendar for a week, was canceled because he
was “kind of tired.” The restaurant was only a 10-minute drive
from his neighborhood or a 15-minute scooter ride since it’s
downtown Denver.

There’s an 87 percent chance he stayed home and watched porn, a
nearly 20 percent chance he smoked weed, and a safe bet he did
both at the same time.

Conventional wisdom suggests the proliferation of dating apps
has made us more connected than ever. Now I wonder if most
Americans can see through the cliché.

Tinder, the nation’s most popular dating app, has now been on
the market for a decade with its debut in 2012. Singles seem no
closer to long-term romance, however, with the number of U.S.
adults living without a spouse or partner rising ever since,
according to the Pew Research Center.

Marriage in the United States is at an all-time low, and remains
in such steep decline that married people will soon be in the
minority if not already. Less than 50 percent of heterosexual
adults are married, and only 1 in 10 gays have tied the knot
seven years after Obergefell, according to Gallup.


https://www.statista.com/statistics/195951/marriage-rate-in-the-
united-states-since-1990/
The ineffectiveness of dating apps reflects the cynicism of our
addiction to tech. Rather than bring the marriage rate up, these
platforms, which have fundamentally changed the dating game,
have instead have been effective at accomplishing the very
opposite. They keep Americans single.

Today the internet is the most popular forum for couples to
meet, with more Americans partnering up online than through
friends or colleagues. More than 44 million Americans report
dating online, yet just 3 in 4 have ever successfully made it to
the dinner table or a coffee shop while fewer and fewer see
marriage on the horizon. More and more Americans might find
companionship on the internet, but the mode of introduction is
bringing down broad chances of success.

Instant gratification on a smartphone from a person’s bedroom
takes comparatively a lot less time and effort than a 10-minute
drive for an evening of small talk and potential awkwardness,
especially when the next best match is always just one swipe
away. According to the Pew Research Center, nearly half of
Americans say dating is harder today than it was a decade ago.

That being said, I can’t help but notice our modern way of
dating has seeped into the rest of our relationships. Our online
conditioning to scan through certain traits we desire in our
romantic partners seems to have bled into how we vet our friends.

When I became one of nearly 30,000 people to move to Colorado in
the summer of 2020, I knew no one in Denver, let alone the
entire state, and just about everything was closed. I used the
Meetup app at first to find new people and sometimes snag a
sought-after camping permit. It felt like I was dating for
friends, which in every practical sense I was, whether I found
them online, at church, or in the gym. People came and went,
flaking felt routine, and ghosting was just as common. When
there are so many people to choose from, decision paralysis
ensues, just like dating. For a while, I thought I was just bad
at making friends. And then I realized, no, my generation is
just as terrible at making friends as it is dating (albeit some
of my neighbors decided to disassociate over my controversial
conviction that there are only two sexes, no kidding).

Things fell into place when I 1) stopped trying to pick my
friends with a certain precision, and 2) actually spent time
with people. Those lessons seemed to come awfully late at 24,
but also somehow early.

I can’t count how many conversations I’ve had since moving
across the country in which people about my age complain of an
unfulfilling social life before they tout a list of character
preferences down to income level and blow off game nights,
parties, and road trips. Weed, video games, and door dash might
fill the void, but the data suggests otherwise.

According to a Harvard University survey published in February
last year, 36 percent of Americans reported “seriously
loneliness.” Sixty-one percent of those in prime dating age, 18-
25, said the same.

The results are based on a survey conducted in October 2020 when
lockdowns remained coast to coast ahead of an election, but the
numbers are not far off from pre-pandemic surveys. According to
an NPR report on a poll from the health insurer Cigna in January
2020, “more than three in five Americans are lonely, with more
and more people reporting feeling like they are left out, poorly
understood and lacking companionship.” And loneliness left
unchecked can be even worse for people than obesity.

But time alone doesn’t always correlate to loneliness, the
latter of which is the result of not knowing how to be alone
well — a problem the internet has exacerbated. This summer
became especially enriching when I swapped my extra time online
for literature and a dedication to the mountains. After all, I
make my living on the internet.

My greatest lessons this year came from someone who lived 2,000
years ago, and not from Jesus, though church on Sunday has
become a mandatory ritual. Coming across “Meditations” by Marcus
Aurelius, who was the last great Roman emperor, forced me to
entirely recalibrate my online habits. Studying the ancient
classic has now motivated me to seek out a place to rent in the
mountains once my lease is up next summer, where I can read,
write, and run all in a routine that’s up with the sun and down
with the sun. Any more time streaming Netflix in a crowded city
where you don’t even know your neighbors feels like a waste of a
life.

Americans appear to be lonelier than ever, especially my own
generation. At the same time, we’re also online more than ever,
with about 1 in 3 adults reporting a “constant” presence on the
internet. That number is up to nearly half for 18- to 29-year-
olds.

Is it really a surprise then, that there’s such a mental health
crisis when so many have fallen into the fallacy of the
internet? That the internet, accessible on our palms 24 hours a
day, can be the source of total fulfillment? Is living in the
Metaverse, where developers want to integrate virtual sex,
really the key to a life well lived? The answer is an absolute
no.

https://thefederalist.com/2022/10/10/the-biggest-lie-of-a-
generation-a-life-online-is-a-life-well-lived/