...into the wall

[brother mouse]

luser is having an accounting problem which she cannot explain (and I
probably wouldn't understand even if she could). We try for a while to
get her to crank up VNC so I can see what she is doing. This is
difficult when things like "clicking on icons", "finding the start
button", etc, are beyond her skillset.

Different models of workstation have different Windoze images on them and
different VNC setups, so it matters what kind box she is working on.

Me: Are you in front of your computer now?

[I am skipping about 2 mins of confusion and noise here]

Me: What kind of computer is it? Who makes it?

Luser: I work at ${RETAIL_STORE}.

Me: Right. This is ${RETAIL_STORE} support. The computer you are using
right now, does it have a brand name?

Luser: I use the ${RETAIL_STORE} system.

Me: Got it. Right now I'm more interested in what kind of computer you
are working on.

Luser: It's a ${MONITOR_MANUFACTURER}.

Me: That sounds like the maker of the monitor. The monitor is connected
to a workstation, a small computer.

Luser: No it's not.

Me: Can you wiggle your mouse for me? Does the cursor move on the
screen?

Luser: Yes.

Me: then the monitor is attached to a computer. It's either on your
desk, by your desk, or under your desk.

Luser: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not a computer
person.

Me: I am not being technical; I mean to say that a computer exists and
you are using it right now. We need to find the physical computer. It
is a box and has words on it.

[mass confusion]

Me: both the display you are viewing and the mouse in your hand have
cables. Both are cabled to the computer we are looking for.

Luser: No.

Me: Does your mouse have a cable, a cord?

Luser: Yes.

Me: The cable that goes into your mouse; where does the other end of
that cable plug in?

Luser: The wall.

That was it for me. I don't remember how I dumped the call but I
aborted. We are supposed to be providing support for the *nix POS server
and the java-based POS client, but I swear we spend 50% of our time
teaching lusers how to drive Windoze. Fsck.

[Matt Palmer]

Roger Burton West is of the opinion:

> brother mouse wrote:
>
>>Me: Got it. Right now I'm more interested in what kind of computer you
>>are working on.
>>
>>Luser: It's a ${MONITOR_MANUFACTURER}.
>

> I once had a customer start with "this is going to be quite difficult
> because I can't read". It was true, too - he could recognise letters
> given a bit of a head start, but words were entirely beyond him. What he
> was doing with an ISP account in 1998, I have no idea.

The invasion of the fleshtones was well underway by 1998.

- Matt

[Matt Palmer]

Roger Burton West is of the opinion:

> Matt Palmer wrote:
>>Roger Burton West is of the opinion:

>>> I once had a customer start with "this is going to be quite difficult
>>> because I can't read". It was true, too - he could recognise letters
>>> given a bit of a head start, but words were entirely beyond him. What he
>>> was doing with an ISP account in 1998, I have no idea.
>>The invasion of the fleshtones was well underway by 1998.
>

> Yeah, I know. I _was_ working tech support, after all. But how would you
> _find_ them if you couldn't read?

Well, if the excuses of high school students in computer labs are to be
believed(!), you only have to click any three links and you'll be inundated
with it. At any rate, surely typing 'porn' into AltaVista would have gotten
you something to be going on with.

- Matt