Abortion Fetish
Eva Young
Cynthia was a 22-year old, good-looking girl with long
legs and red hair. Se had a boyfriend and a fairly
normal sex life, meaning she had sex with him usually
every day. He was boy number 5 in her life and so far
she had used the pill as contraception –
successfully. So she was not too interested in the subject of
abortion except she was pro choice but rather in a
theoretical manner. Of course, would she get pregnant she
would know where and how to obtain an abortion. It is
legal in France up to 12 weeks on demand and in
neighbouring Netherlands nobody will ask any question up to 22
weeks and in some clinics 28 weeks (not exactly legal,
but openly tolerated). So she didn't
bother.
It was on a July-weekend in London when she dropped
by in a bookshop on Piccadilly and had a look at the
"women's corner", where everything from the latest diet to
sex tips was the trade of the day. She opened a book
on sexual self-determination and somehow she took
some time to have a look at the chapter dealing with
abortion. The different techniques from suction over
dilation and curettage, dilation and evacuation or intact
extraction, saline abortion and even caesarean abortion were
laid out in graphic detail and some of the pictures
really caught her attention. Although some of the photos
of inserted forceps pulling out foetal body parts
looked pretty disturbing on first sight, a strange
fascination made Cynthia virtually stare at them. She made
sure nobody could look over her shoulders seeing what
she was reading and looking at and started to absorb
every little detail the book could provide.<br><br>She
bought it and went to her Hotel. Reading over the
chapter she came to the second chapter on abortion, the
title of which nearly stopped her breathing: "Are
abortions fun?"
She had always thought of abortion
as a necessary evil and a right that women should be
able to exercise without being questioned, but
thinking of them as something enjoyable did never come to
her mind. Nevertheless she started wondering whether
her own morbid interest in reading the stuff did not
have the same undercurrent feeling that the books
author laid out on the pages in front of her eyes. It
talked about breaking the taboo of killing the unborn
foetus and about the sexual arousal and the feeling of
helplessness women experienced lying on the abortion table
that contributed to it. It also reported many women
obtaining the procedure enjoyed the feeling of being
emptied, the contraction of the uterus in the process of
the vacuum suction and going with it a sexual arousal
that in many instances lead to climactic orgiastic
experiences for them.
Cynthia did not know how long
she had been reading the intricate and delicate
details of the descriptions dealing with abortion
experiences from 5 weeks gestation to 39, when her boyfriend
knocked at her door and wanted to come in. Nervously she
closed the book and put it into her luggage. She did not
want Jacques to see what she was reading, being afraid
he would laugh at her. When she stood up to go to
the room's door she realised her slip was soaking
wet. It was in fact so wet one could hear her pussy's
lips swamp on every step she made – or so it seemed to
her.
"I am with you in a minute, Jacques, just let me
finish my toilette please", she called out. She had to
change her slip or else… she was afraid he would hear
that wet sound from her pussy's lips and wonder why
that was the case. She jumped into the bathroom, cleaned her
dripping pussy with a paper hanky and got a fresh slip. As
she stepped into her room again he sight fell on her
bag, which contained the book, that had captured so
much of her attention this afternoon. She experienced
a slight shiver thinking of the pictures showing
the insertion of forceps, vacuum tubes, sharp bladed
curettes and dilators into other women's vaginas. She knew
she wanted to know more about this. No, she wanted to
know all about this. She would go to every little
bookshop in town and surf the web in every little corner
to learn everything about abortion and the pleasures
it provided to those knowing.
"Hi, Jacques",
"Hi, Cynthia". Their hallo was short and informal.
Cynthia was aroused from what she just had consumed and
decided she needed satisfaction immediately. "I want you
to fuck me here and now, Jacques, she moaned" and
before he knew what was happening to him she had opened
his pants, pulled them down and with hands knowing
how to handle him she made him ready in a moment. She
got off her slip, pulled up her skirt and while
laying down on the desk in front of the bed she opened
up her legs and pulled him into her soaking wet
vagina. She closed her eyes as he penetrated her deeply.
"Why does this fuckin' desk not have stirrups or
kneerests?" she wondered silently while the pumping movements
they both made raised her orgasm very fast to her
first climax. She had her eyes still closed and in her
imagination she was lying on a surgical table in a clinic.
Her legs opened and up in the air, the doctor would
enter the room, insert a large tube, penetrate her with
it and suction a foetus out of her wide opened
cavity.
The imagination of receiving an abortion heightened
her sexual feelings once more and as she came again
she could not suppress a whisper saying "suck it,
please, suck it out". Jacques was too busy with his own
orgasm to register she had said anything that didn't
make sense to him. With a loud breathing he ejaculated
into her and as they both came Cynthia's convulsively
contracting cervical muscle suctioned his warm sperm into her
uterus and up into her ovaries where they happened to
meet the result of Cynthia forgetting to take the pill
that morning…
"Ohhh, yessss, that was so good,
I just needed that right now" she said to Jacques
when he pulled out of her and a stream of liquid, a
mixture of sperm and her own wetness, flowed out of her
vagina onto the carpet next to the desk. Jacques was
puzzled: "I didn't know you were a fan of quickies, but I
have to admit, it was a nice surprise. We could to
that more often." "Yes, Jacques, I think we
should".
Back home in Paris Cynthia had a good time. Having
Sex with Jacques was still good, though she had an
adventure with another good looking student from the
medical college, whom she loved to fuck in dangerous
places. In general she had developed a sense for
"dangerous situations" and used them as a turn on. So
Jacques provided her "bread and butter" sex, and Jean was
her little in-between-excitement. But with both boys
she had used her new imagination about having an
abortion as a way to increase her orgiastic pleasure. She
had searched the web for information on it, but what
she had found so far was off pretty little value,
either in terms of information or in terms of turn
on.
It was early October when she somehow felt unease
over her current relationships with the two boys. She
was still using the pill, but recently she had felt
some sickness when getting up in the morning. Maybe
she should consult a doctor and exchange the chemical
contraceptive she was using for another one. She would go on
Friday next week.
"Young lady, I am afraid changing the
contraceptive is not exactly what I can prescribe to you right
now", her gynaecologist explained to her. "You are 16
weeks pregnant. You are not prepared for that news, are
you?"
"No, I am not", she replied, "but nowadays that should
not be a problem, should it?" "Well, here in France
you need a reason such as health grounds for an
abortion after 12 weeks, but a friend of mine, a French
gynaecologist, is running a facility in Amsterdam. They are
providing abortion services up to 22 weeks on demand, up to
36 weeks if there is a health problem whatsoever. Do
you want the address?"
"Yes please", Cynthia
said and on her way back to her apartment she started
to get excited already thinking of the prospect to
have something in real life that was theoretical or
fantasy up to now. Arriving at home she immediately
called the clinic in Amsterdam. "You are 16 weeks
pregnant, you said?" "Yes, exactly." "That won't be any
problem. We can offer you an appointment next Friday. The
size of your pregnancy will not require you stay
overnight, but we can to that on a "walk in walk out" basis.
"Can I stay awake during the procedure?" Cynthia
wanted to know. She had been thinking about it and found
out she had developed a real fetish for having an
abortion and it was clear she could only hope for the joy
promised in that book if she was not asleep when the
doctor exterminated her foetus. "No problem, that is
your personal choice" was the answer she had hoped
for.
She took the train to Amsterdam and was lucky to have
a sunshiny day when she arrived. The clinic was
only a two-minute walk from the station and her first
impression was "oh this is a very large clinic. How many
abortions do they perform here?" The leaflet she got at the
reception answered her question: 50 abortions everyday,
Saturday and Sunday service included, 18.500 every year
since 1985. Many patients were women with jobs, so
having their abortion on the weekend was just a
convenient thing for them. The nurse at the reception did
all the paperwork, billed 450 Dollars on her Amex and
brought her directly to the ObGyn, where the abortion
team of a doctor and another nurse was already
preparing the instruments for her procedure.<br><br>She had
the documents with her pre-exam from her
gynaecologist in Paris with her and all she had to do before
she could obtain her abortion was an ultrasound. She
laid down on the abortion table and the nurse inserted
the ultrasound device into her vagina. It confirmed
she was 5 months pregnant. So she was two weeks
longer with foetus than she initially had heard in
Paris. Your foetus is comparatively large for a five
months pregnancy, but we have techniques to deal with
that, so don't worry, the abortion doctor explained to
her.<br><br>"As this is your first abortion, I will explain
everything to you before we start. We will start with the
termination by dilating your cervix carefully inserting steel
rods and soften the muscle with an injection of
lidocaine and prostaglandine. I will then insert a suction
canula of about 2 inches diameter into your uterus and
remove the foetal limbs, the intestines and the brain by
suction. The head and the body will be crushed and removed
by forceps, the placenta will be scraped out using a
sharp curette. At the end another suction session will
complete the abortion and your unwanted pregnancy will be
over."
"How can you know this is unwanted?" Cynthia thought.
"I need to be pregnant to have an abortion, and ever
since reading that book I have wanted to get
one." "so please move your pelvic down a little bit. It
is necessary to place your vagina just above the
steel bowl attached to the lower end of the abortion
table, so that the tissue we remove from your uterus
directly falls into it when it slips out through the
speculum. Now put your legs into the keerests, open up
please and relax, it won't hurt a bit".
Cynthia started to feel the excitement she had experienced when
she read the book in the London store for the first
time. She was pretty sure she could answer that
question already. "Are abortions fun?" "You bet, she
thought, this is going to be the orgasm of my life". When
the doctor inserted the speculum into her vagina she
felt like being penetrated with a large dildo. Her
vaginal muscles contracted and she took a deep breath in
her shivering arousal. In her fantasy she went ahead
and already imagined the forceps and the suction tube
inside of her taking care of the foetus. After injecting
the lidocaine and some prostaglandine the abortionist
inserted the dilator rods into her cervix and carefully
stretched and widened it. The opening in her cervix was
soon stretched to 2 inches. The doctor could now
insert a sound to measure the exact size of the uterus
and decide which forceps to use for dismembering the
foetal tissue. Her uterus was already more than 10
inches deep behind the cervical opening. The abortionist
decided he would stretch the cervix to 4 inches using a
new tool that could be inserted and expanded
uniformly like a camera shutter. He inserted it and
expanded the cervix slowly and stepwise until he had
reached 4.5 inches to compensate for the expected
contraction when he took the device out again.
Cynthia could hardly stop her pelvic from making circular
movements meanwhile. In her imagination she was patient and
abortionist at the same time, cutting the foetus into pieces
and pulling them out of the open speculum before
placing the lacerated limbs into the waste bin under the
abortion table. Her vagina started to contract and hold
the speculum under tension. She was so excited now
she was about to come. When the nurse told her the
doctor would now start to insert the canula for the
first session of suction curettage she climaxed the
first time. As she came moaning and groaning her cervix
convulsed visibly. The doctor inserted the suction machine
and switched it on. He inserted the tongs of a large
forceps-scissors and cut of the limbs off the foetus. He than
moved the tip of the suction canula directly to the
amputated limbs and sucked them out of the uterus into the
steel bowl between Cynthia's legs. He then cut off the
umbilical cord and started opening the foetal body with a
pointed pair of scissors to insert the suction tube into
the foetus. A few seconds later the intestines were
spit into the steel bowl and only the emptied torso,
the skull and the placenta were still inside
Cynthia's slightly swollen belly.<br><br>"We call this
procedure a scrap suction. We use it, when the foetus is
small enough to be removed by suction, but too large
and the tissue to tough to be dismembered by the
pressure of the suction machine", the nurse explained.
Cynthia could feel how the flow of foetal tissue was
vacuumed out of her and the orgiastic feeling rose again
until the wave of contractions gave her another climax.
As she came her uterus compressed and pushed the
suction tube out through the cervical canal. To the
doctor this was a familiar phenomenon. He knew that many
of his patients had orgasms during the suction
procedure and he never used a pointed canula because of
this so as to avoid wounding the uterus when his
patients reached a climax. He reinserted the tube and
began crushing the head and the torso with a flat-blade
forceps. Again the shredded pieces were suctioned out as
he cut them from the foetus and to pieces and the
steel bowl was filled with the abortion product.
Cynthia knew that most her foetus was now removed
from her womb and that in the process it had been
exterminated. She asked the nurse not to throw it away as she
wanted to see the remains when the procedure was over.
She assumed it could give her another kick. The
doctor had completed the scrap-suction and inserted a
long curette to cut the placenta off the uterine walls
and scrap it out through the opened vagina, where it
dropped into the steel bowl with the aborted foetus. A
last session of suction to clean her out and the
abortion was over. During the whole 40 minutes of the
termination Cynthia came three times. She now knew exactly
what the book she found in the London bookstore was
talking about. This was an experience she would want to
repeat.
As she relaxed herself on the abortion
table the shredded pieces of the aborted foetus lay in
the steel bowl placed under the lower end of the
table between the kneerests. "We will now reassemble it
to check everything has been completely removed from
your womb. After that your abortion will be over and
done. Your may relax for an hour or two in a room
provided here at the clinic before you leave. We hope you
enjoyed our service", the nurse said to her. <br><br>"Can
I see it?" Cynthia asked the nurse. "Of course,
here it is", she replied. Cynthia tried to identify
the foetal body parts, but only the skull and some of
the limbs were still visible, as the other parts were
buried under a bloody soup of placenta tissue and a pulp
of squashed foetal organs. A last shiver went down
her spine looking at the foetus she had aborted
before the remains were brought to the waste
bin.
Cynthia left the clinic and programmed the reception's
number into her cell phones memory. She knew she would
use it again.
Ace Lightning
>How Cynthia discovered her abortion fetish
jeezus. and i thought *my* fetish was weird.
leviton
> ObT: Hearing about abortions later than 26 weeks always squicks me a bit
> me, because my son was born at 26 weeks himself. You might find it
> interesting to know that at that age, he had hair, his eyes were open, &
> he cried when he was delivered. He's now a bright & healthy one year
> old.
Well Lionel, it's better late than never. Gut that "bright & health" maggot
spawn now, while you can reasonably get away with it. How you could allow such
an outrage of nature by allowing his birth in the first place is beyond me, but
please, for the love of all that is right and good, please grill that waste of
flesh. You'll feel better after you do, trust me.
Oh, and don't forget to post the footage at apbt.
ObT: The car that significantly reduces tailgating:
http://www.ibistek.com/cobra.html Be sure and watch the streaming clip.
ObT2: From that other thread: http://www.frugaljohn.com/seattle/brandydoll.htm
leviton
spam princess
> normal sex life, meaning she had sex with him usually
> every day.
normal? that's a little more than average isn't it?
jeez, i *try* to get it every day, sometimes more than once, and my SD calls
me a maniac & says he can't keep up
.
Alright, cough it up.
-----.
--
"Hell, rocket science isn't even rocket science"
--A NASA rocket scientist, undernet, circa 1996
Ace Lightning
>>>How Cynthia discovered her abortion fetish
>>jeezus. and i thought *my* fetish was weird.
>Alright, cough it up.
heh. that *IS* my fetish.
but, since you did ask...
hyuuuuuugghhbbbllloooOOOOOAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!
*splat*
(you're welcome.)
.
> hyuuuuuugghhbbbllloooOOOOOAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!
> *splat*
Kick ASS.
> (you're welcome.)
Oddly, recently I was informed of a possible connection between
sneezing fetish and extreme fear of vomit. Apparently a friend
of mine has both in spades and has been asking around to all their
weird friends. LOTS of them have them both in spades.
Ace Lightning
>>>>>How Cynthia discovered her abortion fetish
>>>>jeezus. and i thought *my* fetish was weird.
>>>Alright, cough it up.
>>heh. that *IS* my fetish.
>>but, since you did ask...
>> hyuuuuuugghhbbbllloooOOOOOAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!
>> *splat*
>Kick ASS.
now it's *your* turn. c'mon, puke for me...
>>(you're welcome.)
>Oddly, recently I was informed of a possible connection between
>sneezing fetish and extreme fear of vomit. Apparently a friend
>of mine has both in spades and has been asking around to all their
>weird friends. LOTS of them have them both in spades.
let me get this straight. there's some sort of
connection between being turned on by sneezing -
or by other people sneezing - and emetophobia?
that's the first i've ever heard of it, but, hey,
anything's possible.
quite a few emetophiles started out as emetophobes.
their obsession with vomiting gets flipped from fear
to fascination, but it's still obsessive. some of
them tried forcing themselves to vomit in order to
conquer the fear, and eventually came to like it.
and i've never heard of a sneezing fetish before,
but apparently there are certain neurological
conditions, and/or certain drugs, that cause some
women to have an orgasm every time they sneeze.
pass the pepper, please...
That Funky Chick
<ace.li...@verizon.net> muttered something like:
> and i've never heard of a sneezing fetish before,
> but apparently there are certain neurological
> conditions, and/or certain drugs, that cause some
> women to have an orgasm every time they sneeze.
> pass the pepper, please...
You might be thinking of the drug that makes people orgasm when yawning.
Interestingly, this is actually for real...
http://www.flylady.net/index.asp
Mebbe there's another one for sneezing. (And o'course there's still the
neurological condition you mention, where they can do it without benefit
of drugs. And I get stuck with lousy IBS.)
-Bertha
ObT: Not a damn thing, unless you count my recent fervor of tidying.
Every now and then I get fed up with living in squalor and make an effort
to scrape the crud off the walls. I imagine before too long, the crud
will beat me down again...
--
"Who's driving? Oh my God, Bear's driving! How can that be?!"
That Funky Chick
muttered something like:
> You might be thinking of the drug that makes people orgasm when yawning.
> Interestingly, this is actually for real...
> http://www.flylady.net/index.asp
Goddammit. http://www.snopes.com/sex/aphrodis/yawn.htm
Sleep deprivation. I blame it on sleep deprivation.
-Bertha
--
"Oh, boy! Buffalo testicles!" -- Homer Simpson
Ace Lightning
>>and i've never heard of a sneezing fetish before,
>>but apparently there are certain neurological
>>conditions, and/or certain drugs, that cause some
>>women to have an orgasm every time they sneeze.
>>pass the pepper, please...
>You might be thinking of the drug that makes people orgasm when yawning.
>Interestingly, this is actually for real...
>http://www.flylady.net/index.asp
of course, in *most* people, it destroys their ability
to have any kind of orgasm at all. and i don't know if
there's any way, short of trying it, to find out if
you're one of the few who get the unexpected benefit.
>Mebbe there's another one for sneezing. (And o'course there's still the
>neurological condition you mention, where they can do it without benefit
>of drugs. And I get stuck with lousy IBS.)
well, some people's brains are wired funny... some
people's intestines are wired funny...
as for IBS, though... take a look at the thread about the
shit milkshake. it seems that many cases of IBS are
actually persistent cases of _Clostridium difficile_
infection. it's called that because it's *difficult* to
get rid of - sometimes even years on antibiotics don't
help - sometimes it's brought on by antibiotics in the
first place, because they kill off the normal intestinal
bacteria, allowing the _C. difficile_ to take over. and
guess what gets rid of this condition quickly and
efficiently? yep, you guessed it - a shit enema (or shit
milkshake, possibly). check it out, anyway. and if you
go with such treatment, be sure to describe it in detail.
silvasurfa
> > Interestingly, this is actually for real...
> > http://www.flylady.net/index.asp
>
> Goddammit. http://www.snopes.com/sex/aphrodis/yawn.htm
>
> Sleep deprivation. I blame it on sleep deprivation.
>
> -Bertha
Yeah, I thought that was a weird topic for Flylady to be into....
ObT: How messy I let things get before I finally joined Flylady's list...
picking up the old KFC wrappers and maggots falling put...
drdoody
> picking up the old KFC wrappers and maggots falling put...
Maybe I should duct-tape my old lady to a chair, prop her eyelids open
with bamboo slivers and force her to read this website. Nothing else
has worked in getting her to clean the fucking house.
Call me a chauvanist pig, but I'm under the distinct impression that,
because I work 70+ hours/week and she works 10, she's entitled to
clean things. Not *all* the things, just one or two of the things. And
more often than once a year.
Fucking nasty bitch.
Doc
That Funky Chick
something like:
> Call me a chauvanist pig, but I'm under the distinct impression that,
> because I work 70+ hours/week and she works 10, she's entitled to
> clean things. Not *all* the things, just one or two of the things. And
> more often than once a year.
Well, you might be a chauvanist pig, but I agree on this one--my SD works
50-60 hour weeks, and I work 20. So I feel that yes, as the one who
spends the most time IN the house, I should be responsible for most of its
upkeep.
Unfortunately I'm not terribly good at it, and there are four people
messing it up. Sunday I cleaned the sink, as per the afore-mentioned
site's instructions. The sink was a biohazard. The right hand side
drained very slowly, because of the amount of crud and goop wedged into
the trap. Because of the slow draining, anything in the water had plenty
of time to form a moldy reef around the bottom. There were CHUNKS of
unidentifiable, slimy matter encrusted on it. Even the little moths that
keep invading the house were steering clear of it. The crusted chunks of
slime were kind of greyish-pink; when the basin was full of
slowly-draining water, the taller chunks would wave gently in the
lethargic flow like some unspeakable kelp.
-Bertha
--
MUNGBEAN!!
That Funky Chick
like:
> Godammit! That .sig sucked when Furplay had it! What fucking movie
> is it from, anyway?
Indirectly, from "Clerks"--it's a quote from the animated series.
Yes, I was surprised, too.
-Bertha
--
At least half of [the survivors] had this to say: "God was watching
over me." Most of those people didn't even believe in God. This is
the deity-as-hit-man view of theology. What I always thought was, if
God was looking out for you, He must have had a real hard-on for all
those folks He belted into the etheric like so many rubber javelins.
-- John Varley, "Steel Beach"
That Funky Chick
<ace.li...@verizon.net> muttered something like:
> as for IBS, though... take a look at the thread about the
> shit milkshake. it seems that many cases of IBS are
> actually persistent cases of _Clostridium difficile_
> infection. it's called that because it's *difficult* to
> get rid of - sometimes even years on antibiotics don't
> help - sometimes it's brought on by antibiotics in the
> first place, because they kill off the normal intestinal
> bacteria, allowing the _C. difficile_ to take over. and
> guess what gets rid of this condition quickly and
> efficiently? yep, you guessed it - a shit enema (or shit
> milkshake, possibly). check it out, anyway. and if you
> go with such treatment, be sure to describe it in detail.
Interesting. Going back to the gastro doc in a couple of weeks (as a
follow-up to the colonoscopy--gotta get those pics up on my web site).
I'm going to do some research on this and bring it with me. I seem to
recall an account of the shit enema that claimed a better than 85% success
rate on the first, what, donation? --and over 95% if they did two.
I'm not a big fan of shit or enemas, but damn, them are good odds. I can
put up with something unpleasant once or twice if it has a good chance of
success.
-Bertha
ObT: The sites on this procedure stress that the important thing is to get
a shit-donor who is healthy and free of disease. Wouldn't that be a great
a.t. job? You could have business cards made up. "Joe Schmoe: Fecal
Donations -- my shit don't stink!"
--
So if you're a dragon, prove it. <WHOOOMP>
stinky the chihuaua
> > > Interestingly, this is actually for real...
> > > http://www.flylady.net/index.asp
> >
> > Goddammit. http://www.snopes.com/sex/aphrodis/yawn.htm
> >
> > Sleep deprivation. I blame it on sleep deprivation.
http://www.snopes2.com/sex/aphrodis/gearshif.htm
I remember reading a story about a woman who did something like this a
few years ago, it was in one of those glossy women's mags (Cleo,
Cosmopolitan, She, whatever) in one of those 'personal sex story'
features. She was passing time in the car when she had a good look at
the gearlever & thought it'd be worth a go. She ended up geting stuck
on it & had to use her mobile to call for help.
- "Stinky"
Obt- a story posted by a guy in the same article, it involved him
breaking his 'banjo string'(a part of the foreskin)during vigorous
masturbation.
& I quote: "It was like the Texas chainsaw massacre in my underpants"
Ace Lightning
>>as for IBS, though... take a look at the thread about the
>>shit milkshake. it seems that many cases of IBS are
>>actually persistent cases of _Clostridium difficile_
>>infection. it's called that because it's *difficult* to
>>get rid of - sometimes even years on antibiotics don't
>>help - sometimes it's brought on by antibiotics in the
>>first place, because they kill off the normal intestinal
>>bacteria, allowing the _C. difficile_ to take over. and
>>guess what gets rid of this condition quickly and
>>efficiently? yep, you guessed it - a shit enema (or shit
>>milkshake, possibly). check it out, anyway. and if you
>>go with such treatment, be sure to describe it in detail.
>Interesting. Going back to the gastro doc in a couple of weeks (as a
>follow-up to the colonoscopy--gotta get those pics up on my web site).
>I'm going to do some research on this and bring it with me. I seem to
>recall an account of the shit enema that claimed a better than 85% success
>rate on the first, what, donation? --and over 95% if they did two.
>I'm not a big fan of shit or enemas, but damn, them are good odds. I can
>put up with something unpleasant once or twice if it has a good chance of
>success.
they don't put enough shit in it to make it *TASTE* like
shit, from what i've been able to determine. so if you just
keep telling yourself "it's a nice, normal, cold and creamy
chocolate milkshake, yum!", you ought to be fine.
>ObT: The sites on this procedure stress that the important thing is to get
>a shit-donor who is healthy and free of disease. Wouldn't that be a great
>a.t. job? You could have business cards made up. "Joe Schmoe: Fecal
>Donations -- my shit don't stink!"
unfortunately, that's subject to change without notice at
any time. one dose of salmonella from handling the kid's
pet turtle, or one case of _E. coli_ from cheap hamburger
meat, and there goes your livelihood.
Juan Rico
>Call me a chauvanist pig, but I'm under the distinct impression that,
>because I work 70+ hours/week and she works 10, she's entitled to
>clean things. Not *all* the things, just one or two of the things. And
>more often than once a year.
What ya'll need is a house bitch. I'm here to offer my services. All I
ask is a sugar daddy/sugar momma who'll pay the bills, buy the
groceries, and provide me with a $20,000 a year allowance. In return,
I'll cook, clean the house, and provide ManTool services.
Unfortunately, I keep dating poor people.
---
juanrico*at*wereradio.net * www.wereradio.net
"At least half of the survivors had this to
say: "God was watching over me." Most of those
people didn't even believe in a God. This is
the deity-as-hit-man view of theology. What I
always thought was, if God was looking out for
you, he must have had a real hard-on for all
those folks he belted into the etheric like
so many rubbery javelins."
--John Varley, _Steel Beach_
silvasurfa
"drdoody" <drd...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:a050c062.0204...@posting.google.com...
If she doesn't want to clean, get a cleaning person in and get her to pay
half. If she protests what it will cost her, suggest she take on more paid
employment in order to afford the expense.
crato
news:o6vecuoeh7o0hghp9...@4ax.com:
> What ya'll need is a house bitch. I'm here to offer my services. All I
> ask is a sugar daddy/sugar momma who'll pay the bills, buy the
> groceries, and provide me with a $20,000 a year allowance. In return,
> I'll cook, clean the house, and provide ManTool services.
Fine... I'll take you sight unseen. But first you've got to kill the fat
assed, lazy and bitchy SR...
On a bright note, with any luck, you'll get assigned to investigate the
case and can frame someone that you don't like.
Crato <with liberty and justice for all>
erikavo...@gmail.com
I very much "enjoyed" your delicious story which I read with one hand.
Yours,
Erika von Heim
hamak...@gmail.com
Nikolai Kingsley
>> I'm going to find and murder every last one of you
>
>
to be fair, it wouldn't take that long. there can't be more than about
ten of us still here.
--
Oscar Wilde: "There is only one thing worse than clutching your butt
hole too tight -"
James Whistler: "Oscar.. please don't."
Oscar Wilde: "And that is -"
George Bernard Shaw: "Someone stop him for the love of God"
Oscar Wilde: "CLUTCHING SOMEONE EL" - *muffled shouts*
Whistler: "Gag him with that cushion!"
Nikolai Kingsley
>>>> I'm going to find and murder every last one of you
>>>
>>> I doubt it.
>> >>
>> to be fair, it wouldn't take that long. there can't be more than about
>> ten of us still here.
>
> find clean clothes and emerge, blinking, into the daylight from
> his Mom's basement.
excellent point. the confidence gained from owning a fedora and a
replica katana will only get you so far.
--
ACTUALLY it's a wazikashi
Michael Ellis
ballsack you impotent nun-raping faggot.
steve.th...@gmail.com
Now look where we are. My geologists have discovered large brown gold reserves in alt.slack, and I've been financed and formed the MCPA Extraction Company. All that brown gold is now mine, for the trivial sums I had to pay to the corrupt local officals to get the mining permits and whatnot. This of course means that you local indigenous people will have to move in order to make way for the ore processing facility. Never fear, as this concern is after mainly the most valuable trace rare earths, ample monies have been set aside for appeasement of affected individuals. How does a pile of money you'll need a shovel to move sound as recompence for the trouble of moving? Pretty good, I know. We don't like to do anything by halves. We've found after a transitional perion that appeasement as opposed to strong-arm tactics is more profitable all round, and of course it lessens the troublesome clamour for appointments in Brussels.
Yours Truly, I await your acceptance of common-sense agreement in recognizing that this is the best way forward,
Steve Thompson
Nikolai Kingsley
>> ACTUALLY it's a wazikashi
>
> I knew that my first instinct to dislike you and yours was correct.
[navy seal copypasta]