Two wonderful sentences
Michaela Schlocker
wor...@dworley.ne.mediaone.net (Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:
> This may have been posted before, but I must say that some secret
> a.ter has slipped these beautiful sentences in:
>
> http://www.rrdailyherald.com/news/stories/00053004n.html
>
> A 10-year-old boy reported to his mother that it was the third
> time he had witnessed the man having sexual relations with his
> pig.
>
> According to unofficial reports, Powell explained that he had
> been engaging in sex with the pig twice per day for the last
> year, because he was afraid he might catch aids from his human
> girlfriend who he described as a "crack whore."
Reminds me of an article that deja says hasn't made its way through here
yet, which surprises me. From the article, this sentence is a truly
excellent "kind of tells it all, don't it?" story quote:
"A blue nightgown was found next to the sheep, although police are not
saying if it was for the ewe or Broderson."
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wit
h_sheep_1.html
A.Lizard
(Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:
>This may have been posted before, but I must say that some secret
>a.ter has slipped these beautiful sentences in:
>
>http://www.rrdailyherald.com/news/stories/00053004n.html
>
[snip]
> been engaging in sex with the pig twice per day for the last
> year, because he was afraid he might catch aids from his human
> girlfriend who he described as a "crack whore."
I liked these sentences:
>Powell will be evaluated by Mental Health on June 12.
>"To find out why he likes to do that," Ward said.
If his answer is convincing enough, perhaps they'll have a few
more pigfuckers around there.
>And how is it that a guy can afford to keep a pig, but can't get a
>tolerable girlfriend.
Barbecueing a pig for being an unsatisfactory lay isn't illegal.
A.Lizard
obT: quote from Fee Waybill at a Tubes concert, "Are there any
PIGFUCKERS out there?"
>Dale
************************************************************************
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and if you trivialize his suffering you cannot fully enjoy it."
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************************************************************************
A.Lizard
<sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
>In article <87g0lcs...@blob.ariadne.com>,
>wor...@dworley.ne.mediaone.net (Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:
>
[snip]
>
>"A blue nightgown was found next to the sheep, although police are not
>saying if it was for the ewe or Broderson."
Isn't romance grand?
>http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wit
>h_sheep_1.html
Got a URL for that which ACTUALLY WORKS? I have yet to see a link
to a dailynews.yahoo.com article work correctly.
A.Lizard
satyrs
twice a day with his pig! I'm 56 and lucky to get it off
twice a week! (not with a pig, though) You also gotta figure
that the sow was a lot prettier than the crack whore girlfriend,
and probably a better piece of ass too.
Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor wrote:
>
> This may have been posted before, but I must say that some secret
> a.ter has slipped these beautiful sentences in:
>
> http://www.rrdailyherald.com/news/stories/00053004n.html
>
> A 10-year-old boy reported to his mother that it was the third
> time he had witnessed the man having sexual relations with his
> pig.
>
> According to unofficial reports, Powell explained that he had
> been engaging in sex with the pig twice per day for the last
> year, because he was afraid he might catch aids from his human
> girlfriend who he described as a "crack whore."
>
> And how is it that a guy can afford to keep a pig, but can't get a
> tolerable girlfriend.
>
> Dale
A.Lizard
<sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
>In article <87g0lcs...@blob.ariadne.com>,
>wor...@dworley.ne.mediaone.net (Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:
>
>> This may have been posted before, but I must say that some secret
>> a.ter has slipped these beautiful sentences in:
>>
>> http://www.rrdailyherald.com/news/stories/00053004n.html
Try:
http://www.apbnews.com:80/newscenter/breakingnews/2000/10/27/sheep1027_01.html
"As of last year, 24 states had laws banning bestiality,
according to the Humane Society of the United States. Having sex
with animals is a felony in five states and a misdemeanor in 19.
Massachusetts and Rhode Island have the stiffest penalties for
such crimes with prison sentences of up to 20 years"
A public service announcement from:
A.Lizard
wrote:
>What amazed me about the story is the guy is 59 and doing it
>twice a day with his pig! I'm 56 and lucky to get it off
>twice a week! (not with a pig, though) You also gotta figure
Sheep? Goat? Camel? Should we look for a barnyard treat from your
local paper one of these days?
Michaela Schlocker
On Tue, 31 Oct 2000 12:56:34 -0800, Michaela Schlocker
<sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
> >http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wit
> >h_sheep_1.html
>
> Got a URL for that which ACTUALLY WORKS? I have yet to see a link
> to a dailynews.yahoo.com article work correctly.
It works fine if you glue it back together. 'Tisn't my fault they title
their pages with fifty-character filenames.
Sometimes using < > makes it clickable. Try:
<http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wi
th_sheep_1.html>
klink
(Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:
>
> A 10-year-old boy reported to his mother that it was the third
> time he had witnessed the man having sexual relations with his
> pig.
>
Fined 1,000 dollars for using his own property on his own farm. I'm
ashamed to be a Carolinian. Now see, if y'all would vote Libertarian
like me, this sort of thing would be legalized all over America and we
could watch it on Pay-per-View.
Hell, Libertarian government would be bliss for ATers. We'd get to see
all sorts of neat things. The lazy, shiftless, crackhead part of our
population would be cut off from their gub'ment check. This would no
doubt lead them to attack city commuters and suburban areas en masse.
In turn they would be machine-gunned down by People-With-Jobs (TM) who
just bought their new weapons over the counter at Wal-mart.
Bliss I tell ya.
klink
ObT: I LIKE the fact that our army E4's have to go on food stamps in
today's military. No government job should pay enough to support a
couple and two kids in peacetime.
A.Lizard
<sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
>A. Lizard wrote:
>On Tue, 31 Oct 2000 12:56:34 -0800, Michaela Schlocker
><sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
>> >http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wit
[snip]
>
><http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wi
>th_sheep_1.html>
That's how I tried it, including the very last 'l' in .html .
Failed as these URLs usually do. The apbnews URL for the same
article that I posted elsewhere on this thread works fine and
that's where I suggest looking for it.
To bring this back on topic for the newsgroup, how do you look in
a sheep suit?
Michaela Schlocker
> On Wed, 01 Nov 2000 10:41:54 -0800, Michaela Schlocker
> <sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
> ><http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wi
> >th_sheep_1.html>
> That's how I tried it, including the very last 'l' in .html .
> Failed as these URLs usually do.
Buh. Maybe your DNS doesn't look up dailynews.yahoo.com properly, I
dunno. Works fine for me. I won't insult you by saying "make sure you
remove the space where the line breaks."
> To bring this back on topic for the newsgroup, how do you look in
> a sheep suit?
How do you look in a blue nightgown?
Portnoy
wrote:
>On Wed, 01 Nov 2000 10:41:54 -0800, Michaela Schlocker
><sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
>
>>A. Lizard wrote:
>>On Tue, 31 Oct 2000 12:56:34 -0800, Michaela Schlocker
>><sch...@stanfordalumni.org> wrote:
>>> >http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wit
>[snip]
>>
>><http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ao/20001027/cr/man_accused_of_having_sex_wi
>>th_sheep_1.html>
>That's how I tried it, including the very last 'l' in .html .
that's sheep_1.html, as on sheep_<one>.html not sheep_<ell>.html
Dave Kennedy
>On Tue, 31 Oct 2000 19:25:33 GMT, wor...@dworley.ne.mediaone.net
>(Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:
>
>>
>> A 10-year-old boy reported to his mother that it was the third
>> time he had witnessed the man having sexual relations with his
>> pig.
This reminds me of a local court case of a man accused of having sex with one
of his ducks. I would have thought that most people accused of a crime like
this would strenuously deny it and make up any excuse no matter how feeble or
unbelievable to avoid the label of Poultry Stuffer.
What made it notable wasnt just the fact of duckfucking but his rather novel
defence argument, which was "This is my duck and if I'll fuck it if I want
to". Needless to say the judge wasnt impressed.
Dave
satyrs
credible evidence to support that conclusion, I would not be
doing it out in open where people could see. I would be behind
closed doors in a darkened room as our sexually repressed
society requires. :) :)
Eddie Blaque
wrote:
>In article <8trm56$1bg...@news.bigpond.com> Dave Kennedy,
>dave...@bigpond.com writes:
>>This reminds me of a local court case of a man accused of having sex with one
>>of his ducks. I would have thought that most people accused of a crime like
>>this would strenuously deny it and make up any excuse no matter how feeble or
>>unbelievable to avoid the label of Poultry Stuffer.
>
>Hmmmmmmmmm. Out of biological curiousity...
>
>Exactly _HOW_ do you fuck a duck?
How do you fuck a duck? You fuck it in the ass the way Glub intended
it.
Eddie
kids these days..you have to teach them *everything*
Tommy the Terrorist
>of his ducks. I would have thought that most people accused of a crime like
>this would strenuously deny it and make up any excuse no matter how feeble or
>unbelievable to avoid the label of Poultry Stuffer.
Hmmmmmmmmm. Out of biological curiousity...
Exactly _HOW_ do you fuck a duck?
--
"Williams said the officer went to the car and found a mouse, which had
been injured and was bleeding.
The officer took the mouse to an animal hospital for treatment."
"6 Arrested in Rodent-Tossing Case", _The San Diego Union-Tribune_,
October 5, 2000
"Animal-rights groups have been watching the case and have told police
they want stiff punishment meted out, police said."
Ian Rawlings
Tommy the Terrorist <may...@newsguy.com> writes:
> Exactly _HOW_ do you fuck a duck?
quackly.
--
There are no facts, only opinions
ygrii
>>>Exactly _HOW_ do you fuck a duck?
You stick your dick in its quack.
Tommy the Terrorist
>How do you fuck a duck? You fuck it in the ass the way Glub intended
>it.
WAIT a minute. Wait a MINUTE. What manner of ass is that...? I'm not
exactly a duckologist, and even a duckologist would doubtless refer you
to a duck proctologist, but no matter which way you look at it, duck shit
is pretty small compared to guy shit, and what takes a little bit of
effort to fit in a guy (until he's suitably broken in) has got to be next
to impossible to fit in a duck, right?
ObObscure: Who followed the literary allusion? :)
Seems like there's got to be some room for this guy to claim that he
didn't have "sexual relations" with the duck, depending on what the
meaning of "is" is.
Frank van der Hulst
> WAIT a minute. Wait a MINUTE. What manner of ass is that...? I'm not
> exactly a duckologist, and even a duckologist would doubtless refer you
> to a duck proctologist, but no matter which way you look at it, duck shit
> is pretty small compared to guy shit, and what takes a little bit of
> effort to fit in a guy (until he's suitably broken in) has got to be next
> to impossible to fit in a duck, right?
Yeah, but that only applies if you're gay. If you're not one of those
disgusting perverts, you'll go for a female duck. Note that duck eggs,
which any duckophile will tell you are laid exclusively by female ducks,
are within the same ballpark in diameter as the average guy's dick.
Frank.
Tommy the Terrorist
fra...@whanganui.ac.nz writes:
>Yeah, but that only applies if you're gay. If you're not one of those
>disgusting perverts, you'll go for a female duck. Note that duck eggs,
>which any duckophile will tell you are laid exclusively by female ducks,
>are within the same ballpark in diameter as the average guy's dick.
Now really... we're talking about ducks here, not HENS!* I don't thing
those eggs are going to be Grade A Large, and surely the egg is stressing
the duck to its limit...
We need video clips to settle this... anybody feeling horny?
*Laying chicks is a whole nother matter
william...@nashville.com
> those eggs are going to be Grade A Large, and surely the egg is stressing
> the duck to its limit...
And a goose ... probably could kill you. A turkey might not realize
anything was happening to it. Yeah, that's it, a turkey ...
Ubiquitous
>And how is it that a guy can afford to keep a pig, but can't get a
>tolerable girlfriend.
Pigs will eat anything, but chicks scarf down the expensive shit.
--
"I don't know what kind of hell-demon you are buddy, but I'd wizz
on Mother Theresa herself to avoid that fate!"
TREE...@treetnls.net
>
> I think this method was in James Clavell's 'Shogun'. You fuck the duck
> per standard procedre then at the critical moment you have the duck
> beheaded. The convulsions are supposed to be great. You know, that
> would probably work with a chick, too.
Ahh, I remember reading 'Shogun' as a lad, looking for dirty parts. There were
several that I remember... in one scene, a couple of Jap chicks show the
Westerner an array of dildos for different occasions, "They're like a man
without all the bad parts!", share jap slang for cocks (yam root, turtle head,
yang peak, etc.), and describe orgasm as "clouds, thunder, and rain".
I think 'Shogun' had some other stuff in it too, but that's what I remember.
Oh, and some guy disemboweled himself.
> Alraune "Maybe you'd prefer a dog or a duck?"
> "Ah, like a Korean!"
I think they said that after he turned down their other suggestions, like the
maid, or a young boy. That's hospitality.
ObChildhood: Bereft of standard pornography, I did what boys in my situation
usually do: relentlessly sought out dirty parts in books and movies. My mom and
grandma would buy those cheap "women's romance" novels from the library by the
bagful, and I could scan one in 5 or 6 minutes and pick out all the sex scenes.
"The Godfather" and Jean Auel novels were my favorite, because they combined
great books with occasional lurid sex scenes.
If I ever have a kid, I'll have to find a way to guide their development and
provide suitable erotica so that unlike me, they never have to sit up all night
watching scrambled cable channels, or wearing out the VCR playing certain scenes
from "Crimes of Passion" over and over and over.
While rummaging through the attic a few months ago, I found my old scrapbook
of pictures I'd out of "Cosmopolitan".. no stains though, I always had a roll of
paper towels handy.
ObT: Sudden flashback: I once ripped a picture of Debbie Gibson out of one of
my sisters Teen Idol magazines and did my Money Shot on her face. Debbie Gibson,
not my sister. Oh.. THAT I would have shared long ago.
--
Of course, I'm only kidding.
- Rev. Syd Midnight - [Remove TREET from address to reply]
...still leers at underwear ads.
Rogue
around the tender age of 21, in which we were talking about BDSM for some
stranged damned reason. At one point in the conversation, I guess he felt
that we had bonded enough to share one of the more questionable sexual
encounters he'd had while he was in the Navy. Apparently, he was with a
group of guys that were really trashed, and they were passing around a
duck...I know I probably should've inquired as to said penetration and
other nuances of 'the act', but at that time, the surreal factor of
sitting with the man that provided the wiggly fertilizing bit in my
creation who had stated that he also wanted to bring his girlfriend to a
local titty bar to watch me strip, talking about him penetrating a duck on
a dare was just too high.
Rogue
tanka...@yahoo.com
__________________________________________________________________
Do you know what should happen when someone sues McDonald's for having hot
coffee? They should be legally declared helpless and moved to a special
home with other people who need help drinking and using the bathroom.
Maybe ten or twelve of them together can somehow overcome their handicaps
and learn how to go to the store all by themselves without spending all
their money on rat poison and diapers. --
Seanbaby
-----------------------------------------------------------
william...@nashville.com wrote:
> Tommy the Terrorist <may...@newsguy.com> wrote:
> > Now really... we're talking about ducks here, not HENS!* I don't thing
> > those eggs are going to be Grade A Large, and surely the egg is stressing
> > the duck to its limit...
Rev. Syd Midnight
>
> TREE...@TREETnls.net writes:
> > "The Godfather" and Jean Auel novels were my favorite, because they combined
> > great books with occasional lurid sex scenes.
>
> claimed there was sex on every third page. I found that a bit extreme
> for "mainstream" fiction, so I randomly sampled 10 pages, and found
Yep, "Valley of the Horses" had several fuckings, a virgin deflowering, and a
superb blow job at the end.
I forget the name of the sequel, but it had masturbating, caveman orgies and
animal sex. And Ayla does it doggie style with her boyfriend, Gronk the Caveman
or something, right there in front of everybody.
And the sex scenes were several pages long, all throbbing manhoods, and Ayla's
musky bump of pleasure, everything but a money shot. I jacked off all the time
to those books. Gronk slid his throbbing manhood into Ayla's wet folds, grinding
his hips against her button of pleasure..." yeah, that was the stuff.
They were excellent books too, some shit about cavemen, I forget, but they
were good books. I've always wanted to gangpile onto a mastodon, naked and
stabbing it with a spear.
The cheap romance novels were good for that too.. I'd leaf through some book
with a painting of an embracing couple on the cover, and like as not I'd find a
sailor teaching his girlfriend how to give a handjob, or the dashing Duke
Porkingham slipping it to his True Love.
Hell, I spanked off over "National Lampoon"... always had some sex in there,
even it it was really twisted. And "Rolling Stone" or "Creem" or something, they
always had a naked rock star in every issue somewhere.
And my beloved swimsuit catalog, oh yeah... and staticky tapes I recorded off
of scrambled Cinemax, watching "Softly Through Paris" over and over.
I guess that's pretty normal though.
--
Of course, I'm only kidding.
- Rev. Syd Midnight - [Remove TREET from address to reply]
"Right now, Americans are all thinking one thing: 'Holy Fucking Shit'."
-- The Daily Show, on the US Presidential election
Gerald Belton
wrote:
> Hell, I spanked off over "National Lampoon"... always had some sex in there,
>even it it was really twisted.
You could always count on the 'Photo Phunnies' pages for a couple of
good tit shots. But my favorite NatLamp wank material was Trots and
Bonnie.
Am I a pervert because I wanked over a cartoon?
Gerald
--
"While the individual man is an insolvable puzzle, in the
aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for
example, never foretell what any one man will do, but you can say
with precision what an average number will be up to."
Arthur Conan Doyle, _The Sign of Four_
Eddie Blaque
>On Tue, 14 Nov 2000 04:55:40 GMT, "Rev. Syd Midnight" <s...@nls.net>
>wrote:
>>
>> Hell, I spanked off over "National Lampoon"... always had some sex in there,
>> even it it was really twisted.
>
>Did you ever wank to the "Cherry" cover from one of their Sex-themed
>issues? That was the first (and only?) TV I ever jacked off to.
>No trannies either, except for Tula. So what if s/he had a voice like
>Johnny Cash?
There is that slight problem of always getting a hardon when you hear
Johnny Cash's voice.
Eddie
walking the line
Alraune
Belton) writes:
>
>> Hell, I spanked off over "National Lampoon"... always had some sex
>> in there, even it it was really twisted.
>
>good tit shots. But my favorite NatLamp wank material was Trots and
>Bonnie.
>
>Am I a pervert because I wanked over a cartoon?
>
In one Xmas issue of the 'Poon, there was a fumetti of two
midgets that ended with both of them naked and the male elf
(who used to do porn under the name Napoleon) forcing the bitch
to suck his dick at the point of a broken bottle. Unlike most
Natlamp pictorials, this one had a shot of Napoleon's dick, and
it was like a summer sausage. It was hard and right in her face,
too. I always wondered if the photographer kept going until the
money shot. And whether the Lamp got more mail for that article
from women's groups or midgets.
Alraune