Amazing way to ruin your body
DK556
I was watching Dateline Friday night. They reported on this little kid who
got his ass stuck on the suction pump in the bottom of a wading pool at a
hotel. The suction was so great that it sucked nearly all of his
intestines out through his anus before someone could manage to shut off
the pump! EEEEEGAD! Apparently this has happened to other folks too,
according to a safety expert they interviewed. He referred to "the
disembowelments" in a clealy heard plural. The above mentioned kid
actually lived and two years later is fed through multiple IV tubes all
day.
Jeffrey D. Angus
dk...@aol.com (DK556) writes:
[ From AOL, why does this not surprise me. ]
>I was watching Dateline Friday night. They reported on this little kid who
>got his ass stuck on the suction pump in the bottom of a wading pool at a
[ Rest snipped, we've all seen it before. ]
1. This is an urban legend.
2. You're full of shit.
3. I know, "I saw it on _blah blah blah..._"
4. You're still full of shit.
If you're going to throw trash like this out on the net, then at least
give credible (even if made up) quotes and attributes to these stories.
--
Amateur: WA6FWI@WA6FWI.#SOCA.CA.USA.NA | "It is difficult to imagine our
Internet: jan...@skyld.grendel.com | universe run by a single omni-
US Mail: PO Box 4425 Carson, CA 90749 | potent god. I see it more as a
Phone: 1 (310) 887-8545 | badly run corporation."
am@yourgirlfreinds.com Mike Oxlong
you are a dipshit
that is a true story I saw it on dateline too and it was fucking nasty
and they showed the kid
Joseph Betz
dk...@aol.com (DK556) wrote:
>I was watching Dateline Friday night. They reported on this little kid who
>got his ass stuck on the suction pump in the bottom of a wading pool at a
>hotel. The suction was so great that it sucked nearly all of his
>intestines out through his anus before someone could manage to shut off
>the pump!
Saw it. No fun, no video, no pics of prolapsed rectums and dangling
intestines. Just a lot of "concerned" whining.
They did up the stories of a few dipshits who got themselves caught. One was
particularly stupid. A 16 year old girl in a jacuzzi with a dozen other kids.
Got caught by the suction, and all the little dipshits tried to yank her out
and failed. She drowned. Seems nobody thought of:
a) splashing the water out of the fucking jacuzzi. Theres only a few hundred
gallons, and with a dozen dipshits in it, it wouldn't take but thirty seconds
to lower the level enough so that the genius could breathe.
b) Getting the fuck out, so the water level would go down. Same effect as
suggestion a.
c) Using the rescue hook or any other pole-like device to break the suction.
Pry up a buttcheek, in other words. If you wanna test the effectiveness of
this theory, lick your toilet plunger lovingly and stick it to a very smooth
surface. Try to pull it off. Not going too easy, is it? Now take a knife,
your fingernail, _anything_ skinny and ridgid, and press it to the seal at the
edge. Plunger fall down go boom.
People's stupidity amazes me. Which is why I don't cry for people who get
their asses turned inside out in swimming pools.
ObTasteless: While watching Bob Dole's little Kemp-fest in his hometown, with
the secret service guy holding up his gimp arm so he could sign an autograph,
the wife commented that there was _one_ thing you wouldn't see at the
Republican National Convention...
Bob Dole doing the Macerena.
Too bad. It'd be classic television.
Joseph Betz - ssw...@mixcom.com - bwa...@execpc.com
Jeffrey D. Angus
"Mike Oxlong" <I a...@yourgirlfreinds.com> writes:
[ Aparently in response to my calling the other fuckwit on the intestines in
the pool drain urban legend, Oxdick or whater his name is spews forth: ]
>you are a dipshit
>that is a true story I saw it on dateline too and it was fucking nasty
>and they showed the kid
Really? Date, time. Names. Will calling ABC (or whomever it was) result in
a taped transcript of the segment for $20?
So, now I have *two* clowns fulla shit.
Feltch.
Bangers 'n' Mash
Joseph Betz <ssw...@mixcom.com> wrote:
[intestinal pumping on Dateline]
>Saw it. No fun, no video, no pics of prolapsed rectums and dangling
>intestines. Just a lot of "concerned" whining.
"Concerned"? "Whining"? Oh my Gawd, let's form the committee against
motorized devices, sharp objects and blunt instruments! Our goal will be
to liquefy any and all potentially dangerous materials, reducing them to
safe, easy to drink goo. Of course, humans qualify as potentially
dangerous materials (especially whiny humans), and in order to liquefy
them, we'll have to use motorized devices, sharp objects and blunt
instruments...
>Bob Dole doing the Macerena.
I hate that fucking music. Every time I hear it, I can't get it out of my
head, which is similar to the effect on me of Terry Jacks and the Poppy
Family singing "Seasons in the Sun".
I always hear it with my own lyrics in the personal Hell of my own head,
though; "Do ya do ya do ya want some chicken macarena?
Do ya do ya do ya want some veal macarena?
Hey, macarena!"
Now, thanks to Betz, I imagine Dole in a chef's hat singing the above
while brandishing a casserole dish in his withered claw.
Contemplating therapeutic auto-lobotomy,
B 'n' M
Bangers 'n' Mash
Peter Bell <be...@morpheus.cis.yale.edu> wrote:
>Y'all hear what Dole had to say about Kemp, pre-announcement: "If a vice
>presidential candidate can go on a scale from 1-10, mine's an 11." Jesus
>shit. Once again, I believe that British organized crime has paid an
>American pol to throw an election in order to lock up some early wagers.
Hmmmmm? What's that? According to a LaRouche conspiracy theorist friend of
mine, the British oligarchy throws its weight behind the Republicans, not
the Democrats. Has something to do with lowering standards of living to
create a slave race or something like that. But one would expect that the
Brits -- who, according to LaRouche, are big on Malthusianism and ecology
-- would be backing the liberal, tree-hugging Democrats. Then again,
LaRouche is a world-class kook (he even has his very own brand of
pseudoscience), and my conspiracy theorist friend sleeps on a filthy
mattress and keeps his clothes in a garbage bag. So there.
>It's the only explanation for something like that, or like the moment
>when Dole was wheeled onstage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and asked
>who his favorite act was. Bob *had not been prepped for this question.*
What? What'd he say? Abba? Pat Boone? Imelda Marcos? Wayne Newton?
Christian White and his Aryan Reggae Band?
ObSemiTasteless: Last Saturday night I watched a video that my LaRouchian
friend had taped from the a&e channel. It was about Edward VIII and his
_real_ reasons for abdication; Wall-ass Simpson was just a convenient
excuse to force him out. It seems the fellow was overly fond of the German
side of his family tree. At one point, he advised the Germans that the
British would capitulate if the Luftwaffe bombed British civilians.
There's a great deal of German documentation which suggests that Edward
was a traitor -- the Brits, of course, claim that they're forgeries. Since
the English seal any and all documents pertaining to the Royals for a
hundred years, we won't know what's lurking in the closet for another
forty-odd years. By that time, I suppose, they'll have purged all the
offending evidence.
Did I mention that Edward used to get drunk and shoot off his mouth in
Paris with Hitler's emissaries, who then picked up his hotel bills? This
was while German troops were goose-stepping through the French
countryside, you understand. When the Germans arrived triumphantly in
Paris, Edward took off for Spain and Portugal, where the Germans
continued to liquor him up and pump him for information. It was around
this time that Winnie threatened him with courtmartial.
_I_ would have rammed a red hot coal-scuttle helmet up his sorry ass.
With his head in it.
B 'n' M
Jeffrey D. Angus
dk...@aol.com (DK556) writes:
>I was watching Dateline Friday night.
Right.. standard thing again. And Oxlong followed up also
complaining that I had called both him and dk here shit heads.
Well, guess what, I'm still waiting for the attributes to this
story line. I've seen the segments myself on "Pool drain hazards".
But usually it concerns drowning from being stuck to it. Not from
having your entire intestinal tract hoovered out of you. That's
where I draw the line, and that's the attributes you refuse to
supply.
Betz got it right. Neither of you two loser have figured it out yet.
Simon Chaffer
In article: <jangusDw...@netcom.com> jan...@netcom.com (Jeffrey
> Well, guess what, I'm still waiting for the attributes to this
> story line. I've seen the segments myself on "Pool drain hazards".
> But usually it concerns drowning from being stuck to it. Not from
> having your entire intestinal tract hoovered out of you. That's
> where I draw the line, and that's the attributes you refuse to
> supply.
Yep, sounds suspiciously like a variant of the 'fat woman uses toilet
on cruise liner and generates so much suction that...' UL to me.
obtoilet: A little schaudenfreude. I went to take a crap at work on
Friday afternoon and the first of the two stalls in the top floor
bathroom was out of paper. *Shrug* Into the other one I went and had
almost completed my transaction when someone entered the stall beside
me with some urgency and noisily expelled the contents of his bowels.
From the grunting noise he made and the veritable avalanche of shite
he seemed to unleash, this must have caused him some discomfort. This
discomfort was no doubt magnified when he realised that in his haste
to drop a bomb he had neglected to check the arse-wipe availabilty
situation. Heurgh heurgh heurgh. Sure enough, I soon heard the empty
cardboard tube rattle around followed by a muttered curse.
Stiffling my sniggers, I pondered my options:
1) Roll the paper from my stall under the cubicle wall.
2) Leave as quickly as possible and let the poor bastard sneak into
my stall when he was sure that I had gone.
3) Take as long as possible to wash and dry my hands just to prolong
the agony.
4) Leave as quickly as possible, switching off the light on my
way out.
5) Take as long as possible to wash and dry my hands and then open
and close the main bathroom door but remain inside, hopefully
catching him in the act of waddling from one stall to the other with
his underpants around his ankles.
6) Leave as quickly as possible with the remaining toilet paper.
This is the sort of dilema us gubmint lackeys have to deal with on a
regular basis.
Which did I choose? Well, it wasn't option One.
Or Two...
Dastardly
--
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed above do not necessarily reflect
those of Adolf Hitler.
robn...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca
Bangers 'n' Mash (cp_...@alcor.concordia.ca) wrote:
: ObSemiTasteless: Last Saturday night I watched a video that my LaRouchian
: friend had taped from the a&e channel. It was about Edward VIII and his
: _real_ reasons for abdication; Wall-ass Simpson was just a convenient
: excuse to force him out. It seems the fellow was overly fond of the German
: side of his family tree. At one point, he advised the Germans that the
: British would capitulate if the Luftwaffe bombed British civilians.
: countryside, you understand. When the Germans arrived triumphantly in
: continued to liquor him up and pump him for information. It was around
: this time that Winnie threatened him with courtmartial.
: _I_ would have rammed a red hot coal-scuttle helmet up his sorry ass.
: With his head in it.
: B 'n' M
Sorry, it's been done. To a namesake, in fact. Edward II, back in
the 1200's or thereabouts, was deposed for a number of reasons, one
of which was that he enjoyed taking it up the ass. (Apparently,
fucking little boys was OK, but being fucked by cute little French
boys was a bad thing.) He was held in someone's castle for a while,
and then killed (legend has it) by being held down by a heavy table,
and then having a red-hot poker inserted in his bunghole. Can't
remember which castle it is, but there are those who say you can
still hear the screams....
Anyone who thinks English royalty has gone downhill with the latest
batch just hasn't been paying attention. They've been reprobates and
perverts for centuries. It's just that now, we have tabloids and
television.
I'm still a monarchist, for some warped reason--might have something
to do with seeing The Dick's resignation at an impressionable age,
and thinking democracy isn't always all it's cracked up to be.
Robert
ObMonarchy: In the ongoing contest to name the western bits of the NWT
(see http://www.ssimicro.com/votebob for some humour on the subject), one
person suggested we call the place Dianaland--'The divorce symbolism is
obvious [the NWT is splitting in 1999], and, like Diana, the place is
very beautiful and very expensive to maintain.'
--
Robert Slaven email: robn...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca or ra...@gov.nt.ca
Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada Lemon curry? (MPFC)
Trombone players--they're the toilet of the brass world. (Wynton Marsalis)
Gary Harris
Simon Chaffer <si...@dblzero.demon.co.uk> wrote this:
<snip>
>to drop a bomb he had neglected to check the arse-wipe availabilty
>situation. Heurgh heurgh heurgh. Sure enough, I soon heard the empty
>cardboard tube rattle around followed by a muttered curse.
>
>Stiffling my sniggers, I pondered my options:
>
>1) Roll the paper from my stall under the cubicle wall.
>2) Leave as quickly as possible and let the poor bastard sneak into
>my stall when he was sure that I had gone.
>3) Take as long as possible to wash and dry my hands just to prolong
>the agony.
>4) Leave as quickly as possible, switching off the light on my
>way out.
>5) Take as long as possible to wash and dry my hands and then open
>and close the main bathroom door but remain inside, hopefully
>catching him in the act of waddling from one stall to the other with
>his underpants around his ankles.
>6) Leave as quickly as possible with the remaining toilet paper.
>
>This is the sort of dilema us gubmint lackeys have to deal with on a
>regular basis.
>
>Which did I choose? Well, it wasn't option One.
>
>Or Two...
>
>Dastardly
7) wipe up, and then _dunk_ the remaining toilet paper's corner in
your shit water _before_ flushing, and leave.
8) #7 and leave the toilet paper propped against the door.
9) take the roll, and wipe your ass with it, and leave.
10) unroll the whole fucking roll in the sink after you wash up and
leave the water _dripping_
I could think of more, but I'm tired...
I think I'd propped the door _open_ with the roll.....
Gary
Herry
Mistar Mash wrote:
Re: Dole/Kemp/conspiracy theory:
> Hmmmmm? What's that? According to a LaRouche conspiracy theorist friend of
> mine, the British oligarchy throws its weight behind the Republicans, not
> the Democrats. Has something to do with lowering standards of living to
> create a slave race or something like that. But one would expect that the
> Brits -- who, according to LaRouche, are big on Malthusianism and ecology
> -- would be backing the liberal, tree-hugging Democrats.
Que ? Malthusianism is the polite persons term for eugenics. Hardly a
liberal cause.
Herry, "kill the stoopid first"
Bangers 'n' Mash
Herry <mon...@netspace.net.au> wrote:
>Que ? Malthusianism is the polite persons term for eugenics. Hardly a
>liberal cause.
Malthus tended toward "eugenics" (dunno if that term had even been
invented in his day) by default -- he was concerned about the hungry maws
of the working classes outstripping the environmental breadbasket. He
talked about the population surplus (heh heh) as the "mob" (kind of
reminds me of Nietzsche's "many too many").
One thing you will hear liberals howling about is the environment, and how
there are just too many of us worthless humans encumbering that weak
sister Gaea. All the environmentalist propaganda I've read is Malthusian
or neo-Malthusian to some degree. It seems strange to think that all of
those treehuggers may be covert eugenicists or even racists, but just
think about your average Greenie's opinion of slash 'n' burn subsistence
farmers in the Brazilian rainforest, or the sweaty nightmares engendered
in the hearts and minds of Greenpeace activists at the thought of the
third world industrializing. Now, I'm not saying these concerned citizens
are wrong...! Far from it -- I just wish they'd come out of the closet (so
to speak) and endorse genocide as Earth First! and other radical groups
are wont to do.
This does not constitute agreement with the LaRouchian Loons on my part,
it's just that they're not _completely_ wrong _all_ the time. ;-)
P.S. Innaresting essay on Malthus at:
http://www.stg.brown.edu/projects/hypertext/landow/victorian/economics
/malthus.html
[should be on one line]
>Herry, "kill the stoopid first"
B 'n' M "and feed them to the normals"
Morbidia I
For those who are not familiar with Malthus' Laws:
1) The food supply grows arithmetically (i.e. 1, 2, 3, 4)
2) The population grows geometrically (2, 4, 8 etc.)
Corollaries (seen in several places):
1a) The supply of stupidity is infinite.
2a) The supply of common sense is fixed.
Kirk Israel
Dale R Worley (wor...@world.std.com) wrote:
: ObAntiT: Latest reports are that the world population is slowly but
: steadily coming under control, so the Great Die Off of billions of
: starving people is not going to come to pass.
Why is that? Is it because of some rational human effort or because
of that wacky plummeting-worldwide-spermcount thing I've been hearing
about?
ObMildlyT:
Woke up this morning with a nostil congested. Relished the
distinct gushing feeling it made rushing down my sinus cavity
and into my throat is I hawked it up. Went to spit it in the
toilet but couldn't help thinking "Yup It still tastes like margarine..."
--
_____
-O\O Kirk Is Romance dead? Nah. Visit the BLENDER OF LOVE
( = ) kis...@tufts.edu http://www.cs.tufts.edu/~kisrael/bol
"The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews." --Auden
un...@iap.net.au
g...@well.com (George A. Gleason) wrote:
>Why deny the poor wretch his toilet paper when you can graciously offer it
>to him and then use the occasion to *strike up a conversation!*
>"Hey fella, need a roll of toilet paper?"
>"Yeah, sheesh, thanks.."
>"You know, I had that happen to me once. I took a great big stinky shit,
>the kind that clings like adhesive, and discovered the damn roll-miser was
>empty..."
>"Uh, well..." (hasty wiping noises)
>"Yeah, and I have to say, you really stank up a whopper here, eh? Eating
>those deep-fried hamburgers again are you?"
>"Uh, (clearing throat)..." (hastier wiping noises)
>"You know, everyone likes to pretend they don't like the smell, but as far
>as I'm concerned it's positively delightful! What a way to get to know
>one's neighbors! What a way to take an inventory of their culinary
>preferences! Say, do you like (name of local restaurant)? Their (name of
>representative dish from menu) is really great! But oh-ho, don't be
>anywhere near when it comes out the next day! My god what a price to pay fo
>r a decent dinner!..."
>(etc.)
Last time I was in a barfateria that was minus a bog roll,
I just spread my cheeks and wiped it on the edge of the door.
(Fuck 'em, cheap bastards).
Uncle Brian
Chris Schoonover
gha...@ro.com (Gary Harris) wrote:
>Simon Chaffer <si...@dblzero.demon.co.uk> wrote this:
><snip>
>>to drop a bomb he had neglected to check the arse-wipe availabilty
>>situation. Heurgh heurgh heurgh. Sure enough, I soon heard the empty
>>cardboard tube rattle around followed by a muttered curse.
>>
>>Stiffling my sniggers, I pondered my options:
>>
>>1) Roll the paper from my stall under the cubicle wall.
>>2) Leave as quickly as possible and let the poor bastard sneak into
>>my stall when he was sure that I had gone.
>>3) Take as long as possible to wash and dry my hands just to prolong
>>the agony.
>>4) Leave as quickly as possible, switching off the light on my
>>way out.
>>5) Take as long as possible to wash and dry my hands and then open
>>and close the main bathroom door but remain inside, hopefully
>>catching him in the act of waddling from one stall to the other with
>>his underpants around his ankles.
>>6) Leave as quickly as possible with the remaining toilet paper.
>7) wipe up, and then _dunk_ the remaining toilet paper's corner in
>your shit water _before_ flushing, and leave.
>8) #7 and leave the toilet paper propped against the door.
>9) take the roll, and wipe your ass with it, and leave.
>10) unroll the whole fucking roll in the sink after you wash up and
>leave the water _dripping_
11) Unwind all of the remaining paper, strew it around the stalls, and
set it on fire. For added effect, add the contents of any trash cans.
12) Add insult to injury, by shutting off the water valves under the
sinks and stealing the soap, forcing the victim to find alternates to
hand-washing.
13) Jam up your shitter by clogging and repeated flushing. Observe the
panic as your trapped prey must deal with the additional problem of
flooding.
Combinations of two or more of all the suggestions so far, are sure to
cause reactions ranging from suppressed rage to outright brain
embolisms. Observe caution.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
| He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. |
| Nixon was so crooked he needed servants to help him screw his |
| pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was |
| queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in |
| a trash bin. - Hunter S. Thompson |
| PSU AE '93 sch...@usa.pipeline.com |
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Ken Shirriff
In article <jangusDv...@netcom.com>,
>>got his ass stuck on the suction pump in the bottom of a wading pool at a
>
I'm afraid you're entirely wrong with your smug statement that children
getting their intestines sucked out from a swimming pool drain is an urban
legend. Reference: Journal of Trauma, 1994 Nov, 37(5):843-7.
Ken Shirriff shir...@eng.sun.com
Jeffrey D. Angus
shir...@jaywalks.eng.sun.com (Ken Shirriff) writes:
>Ken Shirriff shir...@eng.sun.com
See this gentlemen? This is an attribute to something. Simple enough to
provide isn't it.
Thank you Ken.
Want to scan it and post it here?
(Or xerox it, i'll run it through the scanner and ocr stuff and post it.)
Classified
jan...@netcom.com (Jeffrey D. Angus) wrote:
>dk...@aol.com (DK556) writes:
>>I was watching Dateline Friday night.
>Right.. standard thing again. And Oxlong followed up also
>complaining that I had called both him and dk here shit heads.
>Well, guess what, I'm still waiting for the attributes to this
>story line. I've seen the segments myself on "Pool drain hazards".
>But usually it concerns drowning from being stuck to it. Not from
>having your entire intestinal tract hoovered out of you. That's
>where I draw the line, and that's the attributes you refuse to
>supply.
>Betz got it right. Neither of you two loser have figured it out yet.
>Feltch.
Who needs to prove anything to you, dickhead? Just because you don't
believe it, it isn't true? Get real. If you're so enamored of
attribution, why don't you try sitting on the pump of the pool of the
boy who was hurt? Hell, I'd pay to watch you try.
By the way, I also saw the program. It may or may not be true, I
don't really care. In any event, if proof is required it should be
asked of the creators of the program...not someone who posts
information _about_ the program.
Mich Orizo
g...@well.com (George A. Gleason) wrote:
>Why deny the poor wretch his toilet paper when you can graciously offer
it
>to him and then use the occasion to *strike up a conversation!*
I dissagree. You can have more fun making him suffer. The conversation
idea
can be useful, though. Instead of offering him paper, as soon as you
notice
that he needs paper, ask him if he has any BEFORE he asks you:
(sound of empty toliet paper tube rolling, followed by assorted curses)
YOU-->"Hey man! Got any toilet paper? There's none here"
HIM-->"Uh... No. I was going to ask you the same thing"
YOU-->"SHIT! Now what the fuck am I supposed to do? Ah, fuck it; i'll
just
go ahead and won't wipe. What's the big deal with wiping your ass anyway?
It's not like somebody is going to notice or anything... I tell you
man!
This fucking society... Keeps imposing their fucked up rules...(etc,
etc)"
The point of this is that if the guy notices that you don't mind having
shit
all over your ass, then he shouldn't either. This is called the
"bandwagon"
effect--or so socialogist call it. It means that people will do stuff
they
usually don't do if they see others doing it (hence fashion trends and
the
like). If this holds true, then the guy will simply pull up his pants
and
step outside unwiped. Let him worry about squid marks and butt-itches
later.
Or, if this doesn't provide enough amusement, then BE SADISTIC!
14)Don't flush; Wipe (but save the used paper. don't throw it into the
can);
ruin the rest of the available paper--piss on it, throw it in the can, or
whatever; pull your pants up; somehow find some way to pick up your turds
from the can; THROW YOUR TURDS OVER TO THE GUY'S STALL--and the used TP;
run like hell.
You get 1 point if the turd hits on one of the walls; 5 if it lands
right
in front of the guy; 50 if you hit his back; 100 if you hit his hair;
and
the WORKS if you hit the face.
Hey! maybe we should add stall turd-throwing to the ALT.TASTELESS
olympics!
Anyone would like to second the motion?
-Mich
-
"Why do they call it 'taking a dump'? It's not like
they are taking it anywhere..."
-Beavis
Dale R Worley
In article <4v2d25$b...@d2.tufts.edu> kis...@diamond.tufts.edu (Kirk Israel) writes:
Dale R Worley (wor...@world.std.com) wrote:
: ObAntiT: Latest reports are that the world population is slowly but
: steadily coming under control, so the Great Die Off of billions of
: starving people is not going to come to pass.
Why is that? Is it because of some rational human effort or because
of that wacky plummeting-worldwide-spermcount thing I've been hearing
about?
Well, Malthus fails in two ways:
The more tasteless of them is that despite all the great famines in
history, people tend to starve to death quietly, at the bottom fringe
of society, rather than in huge groups. And a particularly large
fraction of the victims are babies and young children. Also, when a
woman is underweight enough, she just doesn't reproduce -- her body is
bright enough to figure out that she doesn't have the energy for it,
and turns off the egg supply.
So in peasant farming societies and other situations where humans have
just filled the ecological niche, births equal deaths and the
population is at a steady state. Of course, if you're in the bottom
strata, you're likely to not even reproduce your genes, much less
adding to the population explosion, so (by Darwin) you'll do anything
to raise yourself up. So people tend to be willing to risk death to
steal things, etc., leading to a huge mass of quiet desperation,
vicious crime, and cruel legal systems. (Just think of Medieval
Europe.)
The less tasteless reason is that people in industrialized regions
tend to not have enough children to replace themselves, for reasons
that are dimly understood. And an increasing fraction of the world is
getting industrialized enough for that phenomenon to show itself. In
addition, quite a number of non-industrialized countries have had so
much political trouble over overpopulation that the government has
pushed birth control very vigorously.
Dale
Dale Worley wor...@world.std.com
--
Remember this, foolish mortals, when ye stare headlong into the
mind-paralyzing void, the inky black nothingness of existence, the
hellish yawning maw of the abyss -- it's pretty damn dark, so give it
a few minutes for your eyes to adjust.
-- Frank M. Carrano, Branford, Conn.
(Miscellaneous dishonorable mention, Bulwer-Lytton 94 bad writting contest)
Jon Hartley
On 17 Aug 1996 06:20:18 GMT, g...@well.com (George A. Gleason) wrote:
>
>
>Uncle Brian, you must have a Cousin somewhere in the southeast. While I was
>on tour with a band which shall remain nameless for now, we stopped at a
>roadside shittery to empty our various bladders and so on. Now this place
>was so crude it didn't even have doors on the cubicles: just, "howdy
>neighbor, whatcha been doin' lately...?"
>
>Well, in one cubicle there was an enormous quantity of half-dried poopie-
>doop all over the seat and the floor. As if guys who can't aim their pee
>are bad enough, here was evidence of a guy who must have tried to do the
>Number Two from a standing position and missed by a mile. Wonders never
>cease...
>
Possibly one of our asian bretheren standing on the seat? Happens
quite a bit round here.
I have a theory that when folks lock themselves in a cubicle they put
the newspaper on the floor to read. Then again, they might have their
arseholes halfway up their backs!
--
Jon Hartley
Ken Shirriff
In article <jangusDw...@netcom.com>,
Unfortunately I don't have the whole article on getting your intestines
sucked out in a pool ("transanal intestinal evisceration" to use the
official term), but I have the abstract:
Transanal intestinal evisceration following suction from an uncovered
swimming pool drain: case report. Journal of Trauma, 1994 Nov, 37(5):843-7.
Abstract: Transanal suction from a swimming pool drain can result in intestinal
evisceration. We report the eighth such case, followed by a literature
review, description of the mechanism, and management guidelines. This
bizarre injury, which has devastating consequences for the children
involved, is completely preventable by installation of semi-permanent,
anti-vortex grates.
The Journal of Trauma looks like the perfect publication for
alt.tasteless; maybe one of the .edu readers can pop over to their campus
library and report back on it.
Ken Shirriff shir...@eng.sun.com http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~shirriff
Andrew Shore
Mi Chorizo <KVB...@prodigy.com> wrote:
>
> if this doesn't provide enough amusement, then BE SADISTIC!
> somehow find some way to pick up your turds from the can; THROW YOUR
> TURDS OVER TO THE GUY'S STALL--and the used TP; run like hell. Hey! maybe
> we should add stall turd-throwing to the ALT.TASTELESS olympics! Anyone
> would like to second the motion?
When I was working at the Hot Sloppes, a coworker and I were drinking some
milk(*) in the locker room when the manager's pet came in to take a shit.
* I know, not very rugged, but they could be stolen from the walk-in
fridge, whereas sodas had to be dispensed from the fountain upstairs,
under the watchful eye of the managers.
As the smell of David's foul turds filled the locker room from the
adjoining shitter, our drinks became less and less appetizing; at least
they weren't choco milks. My buddy and I looked at each other, and we
must have had the the same thought at the same moment. We crept up to the
stall, opened the tops of the cartons fully, and lobbed our milk grenades
over the top of the stall. The Dirty Dozen couldn't have done it with
better form.
"Hey, you guys, cut it out!" our victim squealed as we went back to our
jobs, laughing like loons. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he'd had
white stuff in his hair and clothes.
And dammit man, learn to format your posts!
--
AS
Lenore Levine
Andrew Shore <ash...@welchlink.welch.jhu.edu> writes:
>When I was working at the Hot Sloppes...
In the late sixties and the early seventies, the Georgetown Hot
Shoppes was _the_ gathering place for Washington, D.C., hippies.
At that time, I knew this character named Stewart, a former advertising
man. He would make up jingles about the place, such as:
"The hamburgers at Hot Shoppes,
Are not made from a cow,
For when I bit into one,
It let off a meow"
Stewart did acid several hundred times. For a time he was doing
it three or four days a week. Eventually, Stewart was put in a
mental hospital for problems relating to his LSD usage. I ran
into him just after he got out. What did he say to me? Yup, you're
right: "Got any acid?"
ObTasty: Hmm, the title of this thread is still appropriate.
Lenore Levine
--
"So many yuppies, so few bullets." -- Ayse Sercan
Jon Hartley
On 19 Aug 1996 09:42:13 GMT, g...@well.com (George A. Gleason) wrote:
>
>
>Turd-throwing! What fun, what great spectator sports too!
>
>Points awarded for adhesion, leaving a nice trail down the target wall, or
>perhaps (for "low-slump mixes") for bounce! Winning specimens would of
>course have to be checked for traces of olestra and other banned
>ingredients.
>
Presumably, the competitors have to produce their own turds.
Competitors laying turds containing roundworms for use in competition
must have some sort of advantage (at least 50 percent of the time)
because the worms would tend to drag the turd further up the wall? A
turd on the end of a tapeworm would make a fairly tasteless
hammerthrow alternative.
--
Jon Hartley
Kali
On 12 Aug 1996, Peter Bell wrote:
> shit. Once again, I believe that British organized crime has paid an
> American pol to throw an election in order to lock up some early wagers.
I trust the operation didn't hurt too much (I'm told there are no
nerve-endings in the brain).
Kali
Herry
Ken Shirriff wrote:
>
> In article <jangusDw...@netcom.com>,
> Jeffrey D. Angus <jan...@netcom.com> wrote:
> >Want to scan it and post it here?
>
> Unfortunately I don't have the whole article on getting your intestines
> sucked out in a pool ("transanal intestinal evisceration" to use the
> official term), but I have the abstract:
I think it would be more fruitful to concentrate on the end result.
Say a 6 year-old... _YOUR_ 6 year-old Amy, sits on a pool filter, giggling
and having fun with her infants school friends... Ma and Pa are sipping
champagne and nattering on about child rearing bitch stories to the neighbours,
genetic forebears to Amy's friends... Amy waves her hands about telling her
pals about what a gas it was to ride on the elephant at the zoo... "It was so
bumpy !!!", she giggles and her thighs close in delight... and the vacuum is
formed...
Ma has just stubbed out a cigarette and is eyeing Pa for mebbe a mid-afternoon
quickie while the neighbours keep an eye on the kids... when...
"MOMMIE!!!!!!!!!!!MOMMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Champaigne glass hits concrete, exploding musically... Pa pales, re-adjusts,
leaps across the yard... Amy's screams crescendo as she tries to lift herself
out of the trap, tearing more colon from it's natural casing... Ma screams...
The thoughts in her head - "OH GHODD !!!! OH GHODD!!!!"... The neighbours
freaked out are trying to call emergency, but can't remember the number...
Understandable considering the high stress situation... Meanwhile, Amy's
intestines are being sucked out meter by meter...
Hehe... Picture it, you're the adult in immediate reach to help this _poor_
child... and this pump is sucking and sucking...
Heh, I think I'll go and have a wank now...
Herry
un...@iap.net.au
>. "stranded in the toilet..."
>How about: what do you do when you've just finished contributing a heap of
>compost and discover there's no paper on the roll...?
<bobbitted>
>7) (suggestions anyone...?)
Last time that happened to me was in some god-forsaken
pit stop in the Montana flatlands. Gas station.
Only had the one stall, course the place was empty.
So I spread my cheeks and backed up to the
edge of the stall door. (Bet it's still there, too.)
Uncle Brian
Bill Loftin
un...@iap.net.au wrote:
>>. "stranded in the toilet..."
>
>>How about: what do you do when you've just finished contributing a heap of
>>compost and discover there's no paper on the roll...?
I had just driven accross the border from Germany into Austria and stopped
for some lunch on a mountain top. Afterwards I felt the need of a massive
gassive but the stall required shillings and I only had marks. I went to
the cashier and got a shilling. Completed one of the best massives of the
year and then found out the the paper dispenser also required shillings
which the cashier still had plenty of but not me.
>
Geoff Miller
Herry <mon...@netspace.net.au> writes:
> Amy's screams crescendo as she tries to lift herself
> out of the trap, tearing more colon from it's natural
> casing...Ma screams...
Meanwhile, a cloud of red forms and expands in the water
around little Amy, in mute accompaniment to her screams.
Geoff
--
"Unnnnngh!" -- Helen Keller
Herry
Geoff Miller wrote:
>
> Herry <mon...@netspace.net.au> writes:
>
> > Amy's screams crescendo as she tries to lift herself
> > out of the trap, tearing more colon from it's natural
> > casing...Ma screams...
>
> Meanwhile, a cloud of red forms and expands in the water
> around little Amy, in mute accompaniment to her screams.
>
> Geoff
<SLAP> I also forgot to add the "kthrrrrrrchkrrrrzzzzzzrrr"
sound as the rotor chokes on the offal and tries to deal with
the unexpected extra mechanical load. Sheeit. I've read enough
manic-obsessive authors too...
Head down, back to basics for me...
Herry
--
"Abraham Lincoln said all men are free and equal. But Abraham
Lincoln never saw Bo Diddley in the shower", Nurse With Wound
L. Roberts
Herry (mon...@netspace.net.au) wrote:
So how did the wank go ? A spray or a clomp ?
: Head down, back to basics for me...
So you also have the talent which only dogs possess ? Able to blow yerself
? Please offer a .jpg Herry !!! Perverted minds want to know !
Shite, if all men could do that, they'd NEVER go out !!
Cheers, Leeane
Disraeli
Actually, Leeane, the truth is that the world would be
extremely crowded if all the men who *could* do that
left their homes...hey, wait, maybe if I stay home long
enough...