Lowe's a hotbed of homosexual activity?
Nate Nagel
stuff and b) while I had a plethora of uncooked bacon in my fridge,
there was not a whole lot of bread to be found, and while there was a
dozen and a half sized egg carton in the door of the fridge, only one
single solitary egg remained. Vegetables were not in evidence at all.
The prospect of grocery shopping and then having to subsequently cook
seemed frightening; it's entirely possible that I could have starved to
death while driving home, so instead I stopped at my local Bob Evans,
being situated conveniently across from Lowe's. After a glorious repast
consisting of an omelette, some home fries, biscuits, and a couple cups
of coffee, I proceeded across the street to Lowes, where I was perusing
the electrical section trying to find some friction tape where I felt a
rumbling in my bowels. It was clear that I was going to have to
defecate at some point in the vague future, and furthermore, that it was
going to be somewhat uncomfortable to wait until my own facilities were
convenient. A few tenative farts later, it was clear that the situation
was not going to remain stable, and that Something Had To Be Done.
Fortunately, having worked in a similar big box hardware store for a
while years ago while between real jobs, I recalled that nearly all such
stores have public restrooms in the back, even though they're not widely
publicized. So I proceeded towards the back of the store, my gait
becoming increasingly stiff and my forehead sweatier as I went. My luck
held as there was a sign hanging from the ceiling advertising
"Restrooms" with an arrow only two rows away from me. I quickly (well,
as quickly as I could) entered the men's and found an acceptably clean
commode after kicking open only the second stall door. I furiously
unbuckled my belt and then unzipped my fly and dropped trou and boxers
in one fluid motion while rotating my quivering starfish into position.
After a few seconds of feeling my colon explode, I took a quick look
at my surroundings...
I have NEVER. IN. MY. LIFE. seen so much homemade gay pornography in my
life as was drawn on the stall in which I was sitting. At least two
fairly anatomically accurate (but with disproportionate genitalia)
drawings of men getting reamed up the ass while spurting large gobbets
of semen, one fairly out of place naked woman, and the creepiest part
was the "message board" on the toilet paper holder; at least two
rendezvous had been set up since the stall was last renovated, one with
a date of earlier this month.
I guess the whole incongruity of the situation got me. I mean, when I
think of Lowe's, I don't think of faggotry and buggery. I think of
things like power tools, contractors, and NASCAR, which really don't
seem to go along with the whole gay sex thing. I'm really curious if my
local Lowe's is actually the local fag swinger's club, or if maybe it
was some guy's idea of fun to lead one poor faggot on and he either got
stood up or had to run for his life from one of the local rednecks.
However, I myself am turned off enough about the prospect of having sex
with some random male stranger, or really, even thinking about the idea,
that I'm not about to conduct any more research into the subject...
nate
ObT: the worst part of the whole deal was, it ended up being a "shower
shit." You know, the kind where you have all this pasty, messy goo all
around your ass, and the only way to ever feel clean again is to take a
shower.
ObT^2: This happened about 9AM. I just got home about an hour ago.
--
replace "fly" with "com" to reply.
http://home.comcast.net/~njnagel
Pantheras
> I proceeded across the street to Lowes, where I was perusing
> the electrical section trying to find some friction tape
> as quickly as I could) entered the men's and found an acceptably clean
> commode
I have probably used that exact same pot a number of times.
> I have NEVER. IN. MY. LIFE. seen so much homemade gay pornography in my
> life as was drawn on the stall in which I was sitting. At least two
> fairly anatomically accurate (but with disproportionate genitalia)
> drawings of men getting reamed up the ass while spurting large gobbets
> of semen, one fairly out of place naked woman
I stopped in a rather secretive Special Forces facility in southern
Germany one Sunday morning to filch some gasoline. I had to stay for
breakfast while the guy with the gas pump keys was asked to come in and
unlock it for me. I went in the toilet and found the same kind of
graffiti and I thought it was so out of place. It was all male-male
and it just didn't make any sense to me.
> ObT: the worst part of the whole deal was, it ended up being a "shower
> shit." You know, the kind where you have all this pasty, messy goo all
> around your ass, and the only way to ever feel clean again is to take a
> shower.
> ObT^2: This happened about 9AM. I just got home about an hour ago.
You have been home an hour and still haven't had that shower?
Blair Haworth
> I guess the whole incongruity of the situation got me. I mean, when I
> think of Lowe's, I don't think of faggotry and buggery. I think of
> things like power tools, contractors, and NASCAR, which really don't
> seem to go along with the whole gay sex thing.
You're behind the times. Those rowhouses in DC aren't being renovated
by nuclear families moving in for the rill gud public schools, and the
Washington _Blade_ is now essentially a vehicle for real estate porn.
You've gotta figure the cruising grounds have moved with the other action.
--Blair
Nate Nagel
> Nate Nagel wrote:
>
>> I quickly (well, as quickly as I
>> could) entered the men's and found an acceptably clean commode
>
>
> I have probably used that exact same pot a number of times.
Well, just please tell me that you're not the guy who wanted "white
cock, 20-50 OK" - I mean, even I am a little more selective with my
women than this guy is with his cock... although I'm curious why white
only, or maybe I just don't want to know...
>> ObT: the worst part of the whole deal was, it ended up being a "shower
>> shit." You know, the kind where you have all this pasty, messy goo
>> all around your ass, and the only way to ever feel clean again is to
>> take a shower.
>> ObT^2: This happened about 9AM. I just got home about an hour ago.
>
>
> You have been home an hour and still haven't had that shower?
>
hey, what's another hour? and besides, my roommate was doing laundry, I
figured I'd share with y'all while waiting for the hot water to come
back up.
nate
(now with squeaky clean bunghole)
EMT420
>
>I guess the whole incongruity of the situation got me. I mean, when I
>think of Lowe's, I don't think of faggotry and buggery. I think of
>things like power tools, contractors, and NASCAR, which really don't
>seem to go along with the whole gay sex thing.
Bwaaaahaaaahahahahahahaha!
Oh, my dearie, if you only knew... You're talking to the guy who gets a steaming
stiffy from the smell of guysweat mixed with nitromethane fumes. One other smell
that gets to me is that lightly burnt wood smell given off in a working wood
shop. It's guy stuff, and I love guy stuff. I know I'm not the only one.
>I'm really curious if my
>local Lowe's is actually the local fag swinger's club
It used to be Homo Depot was the big cruising spot. I never went on the prowl
there myself, but I've had my eyes open and been cruised plenty of times there.
I guess bLowes came along with generally higher-end, much-more-tasteful
merchandise line, and naturally the fags flocked there instead, leaving the
Orange place for the Illiterates for Bush crowd.
>
>and the only way to ever feel clean again is to take a
>shower.
>
>ObT^2: This happened about 9AM. I just got home about an hour ago.
ObT: Please mail me your shorts, stat.
Steve
> Pantheras wrote:
[snip]
> nate
>
> (now with squeaky clean bunghole)
How many times do we have to tell you that we don't give a rat's ass
about your product(tm). However much effort you fuckers put into
constructing bullshit posts that you can pretend to discuss, you can't
escape the fact that all the really jucy posts were made in the past by
people who generally don't dare post now because of all the attention
that is now focused on this once-charming backwater of the Internet.
All that's left are the trivial bullshit articles like the one above,
and the rare covert moment of pseudo-honesty that makes it past the
censors.
And of course, I'm taking some pains to avoid giving you anything truly
worthwhile since I don't even feel I should be obligated to contine
here (of all places) under the present circumstances.
Do you understand this, fuckwad?
Regards,
Steve
Nate Nagel
> In article <do4un...@news4.newsguy.com>, Nate Nagel says...
>
>>I guess the whole incongruity of the situation got me. I mean, when I
>>think of Lowe's, I don't think of faggotry and buggery. I think of
>>things like power tools, contractors, and NASCAR, which really don't
>>seem to go along with the whole gay sex thing.
>
>
> Bwaaaahaaaahahahahahahaha!
>
> Oh, my dearie, if you only knew... You're talking to the guy who gets a steaming
> stiffy from the smell of guysweat mixed with nitromethane fumes. One other smell
> that gets to me is that lightly burnt wood smell given off in a working wood
> shop. It's guy stuff, and I love guy stuff. I know I'm not the only one.
Well, guysweat does nothing for me, but I have to admit that I have been
known to achieve a state of at least partial arousal when properly
exposed to burning nitromethane. That doesn't mean, however, that I
have any desire to get blown by some stranger in the can at my local
hardware emporium... I guess I will have to file this whole experience
under "mostly useless things that I didn't know but now I do."
nate
raoul
> Do you understand this, fuckwad?
Oh, riiiiiilllly!
Appreciating Steve calling *anyone* a fuckwad,
raoul
Opwernby
"Nate Nagel" <njn...@flycast.net> wrote in message
news:do4un...@news4.newsguy.com...
> I guess the whole incongruity of the situation got me. I mean, when I
> think of Lowe's, I don't think of faggotry and buggery. I think of things
> like power tools, contractors, and NASCAR, which really don't seem to go
> along with the whole gay sex thing. I'm really curious if my local Lowe's
> is actually the local fag swinger's club, or if maybe it was some guy's
> idea of fun to lead one poor faggot on and he either got stood up or had
> to run for his life from one of the local rednecks.
Incongruous to say the least. The Lowe's near me (the one in Burbank, CA) is
more of a hotbed of incompetence and unavailability (of products) rather
than anything else. I wouldn't have thought that any of the employees had
either the alacrity to be able to draw anything, or the energy to follow
through with the urge. They seem, rather, to expend what little energy they
have on hiding behind partitions and pillars in a competition to see how few
customers they can serve during the course of a day/shift/whatever/I don't
pretend to understand these things. I will admit, though, that I haven't
been anywhere near the toilets, attempting instead to spend as little time
inside the place as is humanly possible.
Nate Nagel
> x-no-archive: yes
>
> Nate Nagel wrote:
>
>
>>I guess the whole incongruity of the situation got me. I mean, when I
>>think of Lowe's, I don't think of faggotry and buggery. I think of
>>things like power tools, contractors, and NASCAR, which really don't
>>seem to go along with the whole gay sex thing.
>
>
> all of the house-renovation shows taught fags that they, too, could
> swing a tool (and not just the one above their balls), the big-box
> stores might as well have been handing out $3 bills!
>
> Where else can you look butch while picking out curtainrods? And other
> kinds of "rods", for that matter...
>
>
> Francois
>
Maybe I'm just sheltered; I never thought of it as a place to look
"butch," more a place to pick up essential hardware type supplies on the
weekend when the real hardware store is closed...
But apparently there's a lot I don't know about homosexuality. Whether
or not that's good is left as an exercise for the reader.
nate
Vic Vega
news:do5ju...@drn.newsguy.com...
> It used to be Homo Depot was the big cruising spot. I never went on the
prowl
> there myself, but I've had my eyes open and been cruised plenty of times
there.
> I guess bLowes came along with generally higher-end, much-more-tasteful
> merchandise line, and naturally the fags flocked there instead, leaving
the
> Orange place for the Illiterates for Bush crowd.
>
where a co-worker was propositioned on two occcasions. While shy and nerdy,
he was most definitely straight. However, he was shopping in the home decor
section looking at scented candles. A few weeks after hearing his story, I
spotted someone coming out of the same Target wearing one of those "Homo
Depot" T-shirts. So is Target a popular cruise spot as well? (I can't see
my local Lowe's being that popular because the men's room usually has at
least half of the toilets backed up and stinks like an outhouse before you
even walk in.)
Miz Daisy Cutter
and pulled out (in article
<1135031374.4...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com>):
> Oh puhleez--you've never heard of "Homo Depot"?
Well, _I_ hadn't. But I _have_ heard it called "Dom Depot." I hear that if
one is part of the BDSM scene and one is handy, one can save lots & lots of
money making one's own racks, restraints, and whatnot.
> Where else can you look butch while picking out curtainrods? And other
> kinds of "rods", for that matter...
"Yeth, pleath, I'd like one of the thick oneth with the rounded endth. Yew
know, the bell-shaped endth...?"
-- Daze
EMT420
kmp...@pagesz.net says...
>
>Oh puhleez--you've never heard of "Homo Depot"? Ever since H&G TV and
>all of the house-renovation shows taught fags that they, too, could
>swing a tool (and not just the one above their balls), the big-box
>stores might as well have been handing out $3 bills!
>
>kinds of "rods", for that matter...
>
BwaaaHaaaahahahaha!
If there is an AT Awards category this year for Quote of the Year, I'll be
nominating the above.
So true. I was watching some Home Decorating Fairy or other while wrapping gifts
today, and I didn't know whether I was watching HGTV or Logo. (Logo=gay
channel.)
ObT: Drinking my own homebrew beer from the bottle is giving me copious gas. I
don't know if this counts as a yeast infection of the intestines, but it sure is
producing a lot of methane. I'm glad I don't smoke (tobacco).
Roy. Just Roy.
Here's one to shock your senses, Nate - gay guys pick up other gay guys
in much the same ways straight guys pick up women. They go where
they're likely to find them. You've probably never noticed because you
don't shop, you buy like a typical straight male - in the store, get
whatever the fvck you need at the cheapest price, and get out like the
Devil Himself was on your tail. If you haven't showered for the last 3
days, oh well, it's only Lowe's. Believe me, at 7 am Saturday morning
you can tell the difference between the gays and straights simply by
who is wearing after-shave, and who is still smelling like last night's
vomitorium.
It's the same principle women get dressed up to go to Barnes & Noble.
You don't really think they spend 4 hours picking out an outfit and
doing makeup just so they could sit down and read "Catcher in the Rye",
do you? They want to be a Catcher in the Thighs.
/Roy
ObT: Somewhere, out there, a new porn movie just got its title ...
Nate Nagel
>>>But apparently there's a lot I don't know about homosexuality. <<
>
>
> Here's one to shock your senses, Nate - gay guys pick up other gay guys
> in much the same ways straight guys pick up women.
You find yourself squarely in the "friend zone" with what you were
hoping would be your next piece of ass until in a moment of drunken
truth you both end up admitting to each other that you each were kind of
attracted to the other person and you were just too damn shy/inept in
your attempts to subtly indicate same, which culminates in ending up in
bed together the next AM, and more long-term in a several year long
relationship that ends with animosity, bitterness, a few random
post-relationship pokes, and eventually low-grade stalking when you try
to finally move on?
I sure hope not. Poor fags. They deserve better than that.
> They go where
> they're likely to find them. You've probably never noticed because you
> don't shop, you buy like a typical straight male - in the store, get
> whatever the fvck you need at the cheapest price, and get out like the
> Devil Himself was on your tail. If you haven't showered for the last 3
> days, oh well, it's only Lowe's.
*snork*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
you just described my Saturday AM to a tee. Stopped at Lowe's
unshowered, unshaven, and despite the fact that I was wearing clean
clothes, there just might have been a little residual reek left over
from Friday night's unofficial company
after-the-official-Christmas-party (um, I mean "holiday" party, of
course) gathering. I strategically parked Vlad the Impala so I wouldn't
have to bother with any pesky reversing out of my parking space.
Yup, I must be straight.
> Believe me, at 7 am Saturday morning
> you can tell the difference between the gays and straights simply by
> who is wearing after-shave, and who is still smelling like last night's
> vomitorium.
>
I don't think I've ever noticed any after-shave in a hardware store
before, but now that I've been reading this thread, I must either be
really unobservant or else I've been doing my shopping at all the wrong
times. In any case I guess I will have to have my gaydar recalibrated
so I can amuse myself by picking up on the seamy underworld of big-box
hardware store shopping.
> It's the same principle women get dressed up to go to Barnes & Noble.
> You don't really think they spend 4 hours picking out an outfit and
> doing makeup just so they could sit down and read "Catcher in the Rye",
> do you? They want to be a Catcher in the Thighs.
>
> /Roy
>
> ObT: Somewhere, out there, a new porn movie just got its title ...
>
I guess that must be my problem... I don't get "dressed up" to go much
of anywhere, save work, weddings and funerals. Then again, I'm
apparently engaged, so I must be doing *something* right (or horribly
wrong, depending on your perspective...)
Pantheras
>>Where else can you look butch while picking out curtainrods? And other
>>kinds of "rods", for that matter...
> If there is an AT Awards category this year for Quote of the Year, I'll be
> nominating the above.
Lets hope it will live on. You certainly opened a lot of eyes around
here and should be remembered for it.
ObBeer...Just one of the German Double Bock beers will keep you in gas
for a week. Maybe you are coming close to that stuff.
Ace Lightning
>Oh, my dearie, if you only knew... You're talking to the guy who gets a steaming
>stiffy from the smell of guysweat mixed with nitromethane fumes. One other smell
>that gets to me is that lightly burnt wood smell given off in a working wood
>shop. It's guy stuff, and I love guy stuff. I know I'm not the only one.
hey, there are some of us *women* who enjoy the aromas of
nitromethane, power-saw-scorched wood, gear grease, and
electrical insulation - and not because it's "guy stuff",
but because the activities those scents are related to are
*FUN*.
Steve
Quite possibly you failed to understand the question, simpleton.
Regards,
Steve