Need Mormon jokes!!
Brennan Enos
I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
Thanks!!
Frank Reid
In Article <brennan.10...@azstarnet.com> "bre...@azstarnet.com (Brennan Enos)" says:
>
> I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
>
> Thanks!!
>
lady's door and announced, "Hi, we're the Mormons!" Thinking they said
"Normans," she replied, "Aren't you a little late?"
--
Frank re...@indiana.edu
Pat Murphy
OK, lets get down to some Mormon Jokes that WILL DRIVE her crazy....
Q-What do you get when you cross a Mormon with a Mexican?
A-A basement full of stolen groceries....(or hubcaps)
Q-How many Mormons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A-40.....One to say the opening prayer, one to say the closing prayer
and 38 to prepare the refreshments...
If you really want to make her miserable, harass her about her "Holy
Underwear" (garments)
Cheers!
ste...@ix.netcom.com
bre...@azstarnet.com (Brennan Enos) wrote:
>I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
>Thanks!!
Marry her and you'll have all the grief you can handle!
Gernot Lachner
funny, that seems to be a ethnic group that has gotten off
relatively unscathed sofar, the only one i can think of is not
really offending;
what goes clip clop clip clop bang bang bang clip clop clip clop?
an mormon drive by shooting.
--
the BAT ~..~
Chris Bolton
bre...@azstarnet.com (Brennan Enos) wrote:
>I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
>Thanks!!
The problem with Mormon jokes is that you need to be a Mormon (or know
a lot about them) to understand the jokes.
Here's one -
How do Mormon girls spell husband? R.M.
She'll explain it!
Chris Bolton
Those who cherish freedom do not need to flame those who don't; We
can though, through our questions and logic, help them to self-immolate.
chr...@terrestrial.com (E-Mail)
http://www.terrestrial.com/~chrisb/ (Home Page URL)
Bryce Wray
Gernot Lachner <glac...@iafrica.com> wrote in article
<N.083196....@196-31-18-24.iafrica.com>...
>
> what goes clip clop clip clop bang bang bang clip clop clip clop?
>
> an mormon drive by shooting.
>
> --
> the BAT ~..~
You mean "AMISH," not "Mormon," right?
--
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hid from spammers until I discovered the joys of flaming 'em.
Bryce Wray ** bw...@gte.net
http://home1.gte.net/bwray/index.htm
sl...@cc.usu.edu
In article <brennan.10...@azstarnet.com>, bre...@azstarnet.com (Brennan Enos) writes:
> I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
>
> Thanks!!
Isn't her being a Mormon enough of a joke? Or better yet, now everyone knows
that you ain't getting any action whatsoever.
sl...@cc.usu.edu
In article <N.083196....@196-31-18-24.iafrica.com>, glac...@iafrica.com (Gernot Lachner) writes:
> > bre...@azstarnet.com (Brennan Enos) wrote:
> >
> >
> > >I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
> >
> > >Thanks!!
> >
>
> funny, that seems to be a ethnic group that has gotten off
> relatively unscathed sofar, the only one i can think of is not
> really offending;
>
>
> an mormon drive by shooting.
>
> --
> the BAT ~..~
>
I think the "Bat" is fucked up between Mormons and Amish.
Lance Clarke
So as these 2 Mormon missionaries approach the street corner, they see 2
Jehovah's Witness missionaries approaching from the opposite direction.
One of the Mormons turns to the other and says "we will NOT cross the
street in front of 2 satanic heathens". As the Jehovah's Witness
missionaries wander by, overheard is "yeah, but WE will".
Larry D. Farrell
Why should you *never* take only one Mormon fishing?
Because he will drink all of your beer!
Chris Bolton
glac...@iafrica.com (Gernot Lachner) wrote:
> > bre...@azstarnet.com (Brennan Enos) wrote:
> >
> >
> > >I have a Mormon girlfriend and want to give her grief!!
> >
> > >Thanks!!
> >
> > Marry her and you'll have all the grief you can handle!
>funny, that seems to be a ethnic group that has gotten off
>relatively unscathed sofar, the only one i can think of is not
>really offending;
>what goes clip clop clip clop bang bang bang clip clop clip clop?
>an mormon drive by shooting.
>--
>the BAT ~..~
That's Amish you idiot!
Samuel Herschbein
From laundry carts at Jackson Lake Lodge, circa 1978->
Your leader Brigham was faithful and true,
You can tell from his actions he knew how to screw,
Had 27 wives and 4 mistresses too.
If your life's like Brigham's,
Then I envy you.
You can tell I'm from Utah,
from the cut of my hair.
You can tell I'm from Utah,
by my long underwear.
You can tell I'm from Utah,
by the clothes that I wear.
You can tell I'm from Utah,
but please, please don't stare.
Told to me by another trucker:
Q: Know why you can't circumsize a Mormom?
A: There's no end to them pricks.
Polydectes
MORMON -- the second "M" is redundant.
--
Polydectes
Chuck Holcomb
Polydectes <polyd...@aegis1.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>MORMON -- the second "M" is redundant.
"Silent," the second "M" is silent...
-
Chuck Holcomb
chu...@netheaven.com
+
PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals
+
Steve Gaa
Sort of a Mormon joke:
What do you call a group of stupid singers that eat fruit and drink diet
soda?
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir
steve "an ex-Mormon"
CONRAD RAUP
On Wed, 4 Sep 1996, Samuel Herschbein wrote:
> From laundry carts at Jackson Lake Lodge, circa 1978->
>
> Your leader Brigham was faithful and true,
> You can tell from his actions he knew how to screw,
> Had 27 wives and 4 mistresses too.
> If your life's like Brigham's,
> Then I envy you.
>
>
The practice of polygamy (having more than one wife) has been banned by
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Them Mormons) ever since
it was made illeagal in the USA. It is grounds for excomunication in the
church. No member of the church (who still is a member) has broken this
law. When Brigham Young had more than one wife, it was not illegal to do
so. Why then is this a problem?
Ken Kuzenski
Chuck Holcomb (chu...@netheaven.com) wrote:
: >MORMON -- the second "M" is redundant.
: "Silent," the second "M" is silent...
Q: What do you get when a Mormon marries a Mexican?
A: A basement full of stolen food.
sl...@cc.usu.edu
because it's illegal don't mean it ain't goin' on. As well as having no clue,
you also have no sense of humour and/or are/know Mormon people.>
Carl Austin Bennett
n> From: CONRAD RAUP <n192...@sparrow.qut.edu.au>
n> When Brigham Young had more than one wife, it was not illegal to do
n> so. Why then is this a problem?
It says so right in the Bible: "No man may serve two masters."
--
|
| Standard disclaimer: The views of this user are strictly his own.
BILL HORN
cla...@concentric.net (Lance Clarke) wrote:
Q. What do young Mormon missionaries usually say to other gay
Mormons?
A. Yes, Bishop. No, Bishop.
Q. What main food group do Lesbien Mormons store a years worth?
A. Dog food.
Bill Horn
In Sunny Southern California
Roger Layton
Not real great, looking for something funny!
A Mormon
sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
>In article <Pine.OSF.3.93.960910...@sparrow.qut.edu.au>, CONRAD RAUP <n192...@sparrow.qut.edu.au> writes:
>> On Wed, 4 Sep 1996, Samuel Herschbein wrote:
>>
>>> From laundry carts at Jackson Lake Lodge, circa 1978->
>>>
>>> Your leader Brigham was faithful and true,
>>> You can tell from his actions he knew how to screw,
>>> Had 27 wives and 4 mistresses too.
>>> If your life's like Brigham's,
>>> Then I envy you.
>>>
>>>
>>
>> The practice of polygamy (having more than one wife) has been banned by
>> the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Them Mormons) ever since
>> it was made illeagal in the USA. It is grounds for excomunication in the
>> church. No member of the church (who still is a member) has broken this
>> law. When Brigham Young had more than one wife, it was not illegal to do
>> so. Why then is this a problem?
>>
>You obviously have no idea what goes on in Utah with the hardcore Mormons. Just
>because it's illegal don't mean it ain't goin' on. As well as having no clue,
>you also have no sense of humour and/or are/know Mormon people.>
I AM a Mormon in UTAH!!! I do think some of these jokes are somewhat
funny, however I need to make one point.
The previous poster is right. Mormons no longer practice Polygamy
anywhere in the world. There are quite a few people in Utah that do
practice it however, but they are promptly ex-comunicated from the
Church.
A Mormon
sl...@cc.usu.edu
watch it, YOU'LL be ex-communicated.
Kelly Fitzpatrick
Why shouldn't you ever go fishing with only one Mormon?
He'll drink all your beer...
--
Kelly Fitzpatrick
"I read the newspaper avidly. It's my one form
of continuous fiction." -Aneurin Bevan
Bruce Johns
sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
It is amazing that anyone uneducated/uninformed enough to think that
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints members still practice
polygamy has enough since to use a computer. Get a Life DipShit!
Bud Nahay
The original church started by Holy Joe is not what you see today anyway.
Joe's son took over the original church and it died on the vine. Had less
then a couple of thousand members by 1960. There are a number of
variations of Mormonism.
The variation on Brigham Young's name Bring'em Young is funny if not
historically accurate.
Bud the adventurer
Ryan Grant
b...@e.tex.com (Bruce Johns) wrote:
>sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
>It is amazing that anyone uneducated/uninformed enough to think that
>the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints members still practice
>polygamy has enough since to use a computer. Get a Life DipShit!
But, since the founder of the religion practiced polygamy, aren't the
only "true" mormons the ones who follow suit? Why put earthly laws
above the will of God?
John Buffington
In article <324567...@gte.net>, Bud Nahay <na...@gte.net> says:
>
>sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
>>
>> In article <51rp79$453@NEWSnewsNeWsnEwS>, h...@hmm.hmmm (A Mormon) writes:
>> > sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
>> >
>> >>In article <Pine.OSF.3.93.960910...@sparrow.qut.edu.au>, CONRAD
>RAUP <n192...@sparrow.qut.edu.au> writes:
>> >
>> >
>> GASP!! I'm shocked!! A Mormon reading a tasteless jokes group?? If you don't
>> watch it, YOU'LL be ex-communicated.
There are at least two of us. So get your head out of your derriere
and post some funny jokes.
There used to be a statue of Breed'em Young (That's what we called him
when I attended the University of the same name) in downtown SLC UT
He is standing with an outstretched hand (palm up) toward a branch of
Zion's Bank and with his back to the temple.
The ditty goes
There stands Brigham,
Like a bird on a perch.
Hand to the bank,
and back to the church.
Not tastless, but slightly funny
Three nuns are being interviewed by St. Peter
He indicates that there is now a skill-testing question to get in
the pearly gates.
He asks the first one
"Who was the first man?"
"Adam," the good sister replies, and St Peter booms out,
"YOU MAY ENTER!"
He asks the second one
"Who was the first woman?"
"Eve" the good sister replies, and St. Peter booms out,
"YOU MAY ENTER!"
He asks the third one
"What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
"Oooh, that's a hard one!", notes the good sister, and St. Peter booms out,
"YOU MAY ENTER!"
I know these are hardly tastless, but there really aren't any good
raunchy mormon jokes that I have ever heard.
>
John Buffington
Not yet there, but I'll persist!
Yael K
As the Mormon pioneers were crossing the Wasatch Mountains, a scout came
running into camp to report to B.Y..."Brother Brigham," said the scout "In
less than a days ride ahead there's a fertile valley with a crystal-clear lake
in the middle. There are fields of wheat as far as the eye can see, and the
fruit is practically falling off the trees. If we settle there, our people
will have nothing to do all day other than to fish or make love."
"That is the right place!" said B.Y. "Let's ride ahead and salt the lake.
YaelK
In article <51rp79$453@NEWSnewsNeWsnEwS>, h...@hmm.hmmm (A Mormon) wrote:
>sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
>
>>In article <Pine.OSF.3.93.960910...@sparrow.qut.edu.au>,
> CONRAD RAUP <n192...@sparrow.qut.edu.au> writes:
MARSHA ANN FOLKS
In article <324567...@gte.net>, na...@gte.net sputtered and moaned...
>
>sl...@cc.usu.edu wrote:
>>
>> >>> The practice of polygamy (having more than one wife) has been banned
by
>> >>> the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Them Mormons) ever
since
>> >>> it was made illeagal in the USA. It is grounds for excomunication in
the
>> >>> church. No member of the church (who still is a member) has broken
this
>> >>> law. When Brigham Young had more than one wife, it was not illegal
to do
>> >>> so. Why then is this a problem?
>> >>>
>> >>You obviously have no idea what goes on in Utah with the hardcore
Mormons. Just
>> >>because it's illegal don't mean it ain't goin' on. As well as having no
clue,
>> >>you also have no sense of humour and/or are/know Mormon people.>
>> >
>> > I AM a Mormon in UTAH!!! I do think some of these jokes are somewhat
>> > funny, however I need to make one point.
>> >
>> > The previous poster is right. Mormons no longer practice Polygamy
>> > anywhere in the world. There are quite a few people in Utah that do
>> > practice it however, but they are promptly ex-comunicated from the
>> > Church.
>> >
>> > A Mormon
>> >
>> >
>
>The original church started by Holy Joe is not what you see today anyway.
>Joe's son took over the original church and it died on the vine. Had less
>then a couple of thousand members by 1960. There are a number of
>variations of Mormonism.
You need to get your facts straight on the population of
the "original" church. It's over 200,000 members...headquarters
in Independence, Missouri...complete with "THE TEMPLE" (they
only have one vs the Mormons lots of temples.)
Marsha
Orcris
Q: What do you get when you are excumunicated from the Mormon church?
A: Sundays off and a 10% raise.
Chuck Holcomb
RCG...@earthlink.net (Ryan Grant) wrote:
>But, since the founder of the religion practiced polygamy, aren't the
>only "true" mormons the ones who follow suit? Why put earthly laws
>above the will of God?
For "filthy lucre," actually. The Mormon church outlawed polygamy so
they could gain statehood for Utah. Statehood=$$$
Ob. joke:
How do you make a black person nervous?
Take them to an auction.
-
Chuck Holcomb
chu...@netheaven.com
"And all the time--such is the tragic comedy of our situation--
we continue to clamor for those very qualities we are rendering
impossible. We make men without chests and expect of them virtue
and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors
in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings to be fruitful." C.S. Lewis
-
Brer Cat
Jana--
Is it really necessary to kiss the mormons' asses in this ng? Stick
with the tasteless. Many mormons are okay, but most suck purulent red
donkey dicks!
OB:
Overheard in locker room:
"Jesus, I really wanted to slap the shit out of that bitch today."
"Why bother? She'd just fill right back up again..."
Giraf
A cardinal comes in to the Pope's quarters and announces, "Your
holiness, I have good news and bad news."
"Well," says the Pope, "I'm a good news kind of guy. Give me the good
news first."
"Jesus has returned," the cardinal answers.
"That's wonderful!" says the Pope. "How could there possibly be bad news
after that?"
"He wants us to meet him in Salt Lake City."