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Confucius Say

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Robert Nykvist

Mar 4, 1995, 7:39:52 PM3/4/95
REFERENCE: From: O'Donnell <>
Subject: REQUEST: Confucious say.

> Could anyone who has any Confucious say jokes send me them, please.

Obligated Jokes: Department of the Wizdom

Canonical Collection of "CONFUCIUS SAY" Wisdom
Last Updated: 3/3/95 by

108. "Alt.tasteless.jokes best damn Joke newsgroup on Internet."

107. "To prevent hangover stay drunk!"

106. "Preserve wildlife - pickle a hedgehog!"

105. "Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of fly."

104. "Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"

103. "Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

102. "Man who walk thru airport turnstyle sideways going to Bangkok."

101. "Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick."

100. "Man with one chopstick go hungry."

99. "Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit."

98. "Man who fuck turkey eat stuffing."

97. "Man who fuck ugly dog get howled at."

96. "Man trapped in sewer eat shit and die."

95. "Hockey player on ice have big stick."

94. "Man who go to McDonald's eat out stinky meat."

93. "Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat."

92. "Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off."

91. "Man who get paid pick up chick."

90. "Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off."

89. "Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end."

88. "Man who eat pussy do lip service."

87. "Man who fuck pig eat ham."

86. "Pentocostal who pass out get laid in church."

85. "Woman who turn back on lover get fucked over."

84. "Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth."

83. "Priest with dick in snow like cold one before mass."

82. "Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."

81. "Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts."

80. "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

79. "Man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist."

78. "Man who paints on toilet door is a shithouse painter."

77. "Is good for girl to meet boy in park,
but better for boy to park meat in girl."

76. "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

75. "Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed."

74. "Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."

73. "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

72. "Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."

71. "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."

70. "Virgin like balloon. One prick, all gone."

69. "Man who meows ate pussy!"

68. "Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."

67. "Those who quote me are fools."

66. "Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

65. "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

64. "Work to become, not to acquire."

63. "Show off always shown up in showdown."

62. "Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."

61. "Man with no legs bums around."

60. "Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."

59. "Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."

58. "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."

57. "Find old man in dark, not hard!"

56. "Confucius say too fucking much!"

55. "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."

54. "It is Ok for shit to happen. Shit will decompose."

53. "When in doubt, whip it out."

52. "A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish,
but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."

51. "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

50. "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

49. "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train
likely to end up with splitting headache."

48. "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."

47. "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."

46. "Girl who go to bachelor pad for snack get tit-bit."

45. "Man have more hair on chest than woman,
but on the whole woman have more."

44. "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."

43. "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."

42. "No difference between man and mouse. Both end up in pussy."

41. "Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."

40. "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."

39. "Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."

38. "Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."

37. "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"

36. "If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."

35. "Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!"

34. "House without toilet is uncanny."

33. "Many men smoke but Fu Manchu."

32. "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty
double crosser."

31. "While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding."

30. "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"

29. "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

28. "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

27. "Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."

26. "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."

25. "Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow."

24. "Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth."

23. "Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."

22. "Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have
offspring next spring."

21. "Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky."

20. "Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."

19. "Wife for life is better than wife for strife."

18. "Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."

17. "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"

16. "Girl with little red bike peddle ass all over town!"

15. "Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"

14. "Girl who slides down banister nude gets splinters by crackey!"

13. "Rape no good. Woman run faster with dress up,
than man can with pants down."

12. "Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand."

11. "Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it."

10. "All blonde not blonde by cracky."

9. "Man who sit on tack get point!"

8. "Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"

7. "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"

6. "Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new-key!"

5. "Woman who fly plane upside down have hairy crack up!"

4. "Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth!"

3. "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

2. "Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"

1. "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"


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