I need lots of 'Confucius Say' jokes

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Eduard Jamin

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Jan 1, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/1/96
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Subject: Confucius Say

108. "Alt.tasteless.jokes best damn Joke newsgroup on Internet."

107. "To prevent hangover stay drunk!"

106. "Preserve wildlife - pickle a hedgehog!"

105. "Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of
fly."

104. "Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"

103. "Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright
organ.

102. "Man who walk thru airport turnstyle sideways going to Bangkok."

101. "Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick."

100. "Man with one chopstick go hungry."

99. "Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit."

98. "Man who fuck turkey eat stuffing."

97. "Man who fuck ugly dog get howled at."

96. "Man trapped in sewer eat shit and die."

95. "Hockey player on ice have big stick."

94. "Man who go to McDonald's eat out stinky meat."

93. "Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat."

92. "Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off."

91. "Man who get paid pick up chick."

90. "Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off."

89. "Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end."

88. "Man who eat pussy do lip service."

87. "Man who fuck pig eat ham."

86. "Pentocostal who pass out get laid in church."

85. "Woman who turn back on lover get fucked over."

84. "Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth."

83. "Priest with dick in snow like cold one before mass."

82. "Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."

81. "Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts."

80. "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

79. "Man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist."

78. "Man who paints on toilet door is a shithouse painter."

77. "Is good for girl to meet boy in park,
but better for boy to park meat in girl."

76. "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

75. "Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed."

74. "Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."

73. "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

72. "Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."

71. "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."

70. "Virgin like balloon. One prick, all gone."

69. "Man who meows ate pussy!"

68. "Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."

67. "Those who quote me are fools."

66. "Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

65. "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

64. "Work to become, not to acquire."

63. "Show off always shown up in showdown."

62. "Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."

61. "Man with no legs bums around."

60. "Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."

59. "Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."

58. "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."

57. "Find old man in dark, not hard!"

56. "Confucius say too fucking much!"

55. "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."

54. "It is Ok for shit to happen. Shit will decompose."

53. "When in doubt, whip it out."

52. "A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish,
but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."

51. "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

50. "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

49. "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train
likely to end up with splitting headache."

48. "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."

47. "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."

46. "Girl who go to bachelor pad for snack get tit-bit."

45. "Man have more hair on chest than woman,
but on the whole woman have more."

44. "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."

43. "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."

42. "No difference between man and mouse. Both end up in pussy."

41. "Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."

40. "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."

39. "Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."

38. "Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."

37. "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"

36. "If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."

35. "Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!"

34. "House without toilet is uncanny."

33. "Many men smoke but Fu Manchu."

32. "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty
double crosser."

31. "While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding."

30. "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"

29. "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

28. "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

27. "Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."

26. "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."

25. "Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow."

24. "Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth."

23. "Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."

22. "Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have
offspring next spring."

21. "Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky."

20. "Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."

19. "Wife for life is better than wife for strife."

18. "Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."

17. "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"

16. "Girl with little red bike peddle ass all over town!"

15. "Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on
pants!"

14. "Girl who slides down banister nude gets splinters by crackey!"

13. "Rape no good. Woman run faster with dress up,
than man can with pants down."

12. "Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in
hand."

11. "Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it."

10. "All blonde not blonde by cracky."

9. "Man who sit on tack get point!"

8. "Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"

7. "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"

6. "Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new-key!"

5. "Woman who fly plane upside down have hairy crack up!"

4. "Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth!"

3. "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

2. "Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"

1. "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"

king...@ix.netcom.com(Terry Velivasakis ) wrote:

>Confucius says: Man with hole in poket feels cockey all day.
>>--


Dave

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Jan 2, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/2/96
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Confucius say; go to bed with ichy bottom, wake up with smelly
finger.


Bob2A

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Jan 5, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/5/96
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Confucius say woman who go to bachelor pad for snack wind up with titbit.

Frank Greenhalgh

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Jan 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/9/96
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bo...@aol.com (Bob2A) wrote:

>Confucius say woman who go to bachelor pad for snack wind up with titbit.

Confucius say woman who fly upside down have crack up


Barbarian

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Jan 13, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/13/96
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gri...@pb.net (Frank Greenhalgh) wrote:

>bo...@aol.com (Bob2A) wrote:


Confucius Say: meet girl in park.
Confucius Say: park meat in girl.
Confucius Say: Man who lose key to girlfriends' apartment get no new-key.

Pete Stathis

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Jan 24, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/24/96
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Confucius Say he wh fuck on grass get peice on earth


Email: sho...@wwa.com


Bob Averell

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Jan 27, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/27/96
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sho...@wwa.com (Pete Stathis) wrote:

>Confucius Say he wh fuck on grass get peice on earth


>Email: sho...@wwa.com

Confucius Say: he who fart in church sit in own PEW !!!
Best regards.
By, -MAX-


Juan Mendosa

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Jan 27, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/27/96
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sho...@wwa.com (Pete Stathis) wrote:

>Confucius Say he wh fuck on grass get peice on earth


>Email: sho...@wwa.com

confucius say "he who goes to bed with an itchy colon wakes up with a
stinky finger"

"he who farts in church sits in his own pew"


Curt

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Jan 30, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/30/96
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Confucius say "You get what you pay for, unless you buy IBM!"

Confucius say "He who gets greedy, gets nothing!"

Curt Lashley (813) 878-2878 Home (800) 524-2878 Pager

Only those who can see the invisible can do the imposible

TheAngel

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Jan 30, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/30/96
to bave...@post-gazette.com
It's the only one I have heard. I hope it can be of some
assistance.

Confucius say, "Man with itchy butt have smelly fingers."


Black Death

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Jan 30, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/30/96
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On 19 Jan 1996, Paul James wrote:

> In article <4d9pgj$p...@anarchy.io.com>, jcr...@io.com says...
> >
> Wayne <und...@global.co.za>
> Confucius say
> "Man can read woman like book,but cannot shut her up like one."
>
> Confucius say
> "He who wanks comes in handy."
>
Confutius say ...
... Woman who puts chisken and peas in poup, very unsanitary.

... Man who mastrubate infront of register come into money.

... man who walk through airport scirity sideways going to Bangcock.

... Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth.

... Boy and girl who go camping together sure to have naughty intent.

... man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

... woman who find man in cat house put him in dog house.

... man who put cock on stove have hot rod.

... woman who put things in box is very horny.

... man with face in punch bowl get punch in nose.


BD


Justin Faz

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Jan 31, 1996, 3:00:00 AM1/31/96
to
Confucuis says:
Go to bed with itchy butt, wake up witha smelly finga.

Juan Mendosa

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Feb 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/4/96
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yku0...@yorku.ca (Aaron Kendal) wrote:

>Confucius say: "It is better to be pissed off than pissed on"

Confucius say: "He who goes to bed with an itchy colon wakes up with
stinky finger"

Aaron Kendal

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Feb 4, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/4/96
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Charlie K. Ganzarchec

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Feb 5, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/5/96
to
In article <4e6bp5$3...@kirin.wwa.com>, sho...@wwa.com (Pete Stathis) wrote:

> Confucius Say he wh fuck on grass get peice on earth
>
>
> Email: sho...@wwa.com

CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WHO KEEEPS HAND IN POCKET FEEL COCKY ALL DAY!

CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WITH BIG DICK MAKE THREE TRACKS IN SNOW!

CONFUCIUS SAY, TAKES MANY SCREWS TO MAKE BOBY CRIB, ONLY ONE SCREW TO FILL IT!

Lawrence Conlin

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Feb 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/6/96
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Aaron Kendal wrote:
>
> Confucius say: "It is better to be pissed off than pissed on"

Confucius say: woman who fly upside down have crack-up!

lucifer

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Feb 7, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/7/96
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Charlie K. Ganzarchec (ch...@teclink.net) wrote:

Confucious Say: 90% of all men who try camels still prefer women.
Confucious also say: Indian who not know bottom from top have strange
collection of scalps.

Carine Riquet

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Feb 8, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/8/96
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Here's a clean one for you:-

CONFUCIUS SAY, "Man who make love to woman on hill is not on the level".

Engelbert Zavala

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Feb 10, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/10/96
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In article <chrkg-0502962357080001@ox1_2.teclink.net>, ch...@teclink.net
(Charlie K. Ganzarchec) wrote:

> In article <4e6bp5$3...@kirin.wwa.com>, sho...@wwa.com (Pete Stathis) wrote:
>
> > Confucius Say he wh fuck on grass get peice on earth
> >
> >
> > Email: sho...@wwa.com
>
> CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WHO KEEEPS HAND IN POCKET FEEL COCKY ALL DAY!
>
> CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WITH BIG DICK MAKE THREE TRACKS IN SNOW!
>
> CONFUCIUS SAY, TAKES MANY SCREWS TO MAKE BOBY CRIB, ONLY ONE SCREW TO FILL IT!

CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WITH LONG POLE MAKE BROAD JUMP!

lou2you

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Feb 12, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/12/96
to

ENZw...@nwu.edu (Engelbert Zavala) wrote:

Confucius Say, Girl who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very
unsanitary
Confucius Say, Girl who spring on inerspring this spring have
offspring next spring
Confucius Say, Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts-man lay on crack
and rock nuts


King Kamehameha

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Feb 12, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/12/96
to
--


Tal Mashhadian

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Feb 13, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/13/96
to
ENZw...@nwu.edu (Engelbert Zavala) wrote:

>In article <chrkg-0502962357080001@ox1_2.teclink.net>, ch...@teclink.net
>(Charlie K. Ganzarchec) wrote:

>> In article <4e6bp5$3...@kirin.wwa.com>, sho...@wwa.com (Pete Stathis) wrote:
>>
>> > Confucius Say he wh fuck on grass get peice on earth
>> >
>> >
>> > Email: sho...@wwa.com
>>
>> CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WHO KEEEPS HAND IN POCKET FEEL COCKY ALL DAY!
>>
>> CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WITH BIG DICK MAKE THREE TRACKS IN SNOW!
>>
>> CONFUCIUS SAY, TAKES MANY SCREWS TO MAKE BOBY CRIB, ONLY ONE SCREW TO FILL IT!

>CONFUCIUS SAY, MAN WITH LONG POLE MAKE BROAD JUMP!

Confucius say, "Man who go to bed with itchy backside, wake up in
morning with smelly finger."


Jennifer A Betz

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Feb 14, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/14/96
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confucius say "man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day"
confucius say "man with itchy but wake up with smelly finger"

Jim Wayda

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Feb 15, 1996, 3:00:00 AM2/15/96
to
Confucius say:

Him who go to bed with stiff problem, wake up with solution in hand!

Ivan Helfman

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Mar 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/18/96
to

Please email me the canonical list of Confucius Say jokes.

Thanks!

Andy Harman

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Mar 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/18/96
to
Confucius say, bird in hand make it hard to blow nose.


Brian Field@iap.net.au

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Mar 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/18/96
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me...@pop2.cwru.edu (Martin Witczak) wrote:

>In article <4hr2i8$7...@decaxp.harvard.edu>, jfe...@fas.harvard.edu (Rear
>Admiral) wrote:

>> Confucius say, man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
>>
>> Confucius say, he who sleep with itchy bum, rise with smelly thumb.

> Confucius say: He who runs behind the car will get exhausted.

>--
>Martin Witczak
>Case Western Reserve University
>"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Man who lose key to girl friends apartment, no get new key.

Man who go to bed with problem on mind, wake up with solution in hand.

photographer

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Mar 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/18/96
to
Sombody please save me, I need the list of Confucius Say Jokes before I die?

Thanks in advanced
Mike
wei...@mail.oit.osshe.edu

Christi603

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Mar 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/19/96
to
Admiral) writes:

>Confucius say, man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
>
>Confucius say, he who sleep with itchy bum, rise with smelly thumb.
>
>

Here's some I remember:

Confucius say: Man who farts in church sits in his own pew
Confucius say: Hooker with bike pedal ass all over town

and my favorite

Confucius say: Man who can bait hook without hooking finger, is a Master
Baiter!!

Christi

|\__/| .~ ~.
/o=o'`./ .' Recipe for Beaver au vin:
{o__, \ { Ingredients:
/ . . ) \ 1 beaver (remove hair)
`-` '-' \ } 1 bottle of Boones Farm
.( _( )_.' Strawberry Hill
:. '---.~_ _ _| To prepare:
Get really drunk, eat the Beaver.
Chris...@aol.com

G.V.

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Mar 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/19/96
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

In article <mew11-17039...@b64099.student.cwru.edu>,
me...@pop2.cwru.edu (Martin Witczak) wrote:

> In article <4hr2i8$7...@decaxp.harvard.edu>, jfe...@fas.harvard.edu (Rear

> Admiral) wrote:
>
> > Confucius say, man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
> >
> > Confucius say, he who sleep with itchy bum, rise with smelly thumb.
>

Brent Graff

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Mar 20, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/20/96
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aha...@one.net (Andy Harman) wrote:

>Confucius say, bird in hand make it hard to blow nose.

Confucius say, He who stand on toilet, high on pot


Visit my home page soon! http://www.holli.com/~bgraff/


Joel Little

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Mar 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/22/96
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Confucius say "Honeymooning campers have one intent!"

CYALL

Joel Little
cs33...@student.uq.edu.au
Bachelor of Information Technology Undergraduate
University of Queensland

Jake Moran

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Mar 25, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/25/96
to
Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket fell cocky all day,

Confucius also say: Man who feel cocky all day come to sticky end.

enuf said!!

--
Jake Moran
Zip-zip-zippity-dooda-zip-on-by

Funghi

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Mar 27, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/27/96
to
Jake Moran <zann...@jkmoran.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket fell cocky all day,
>Confucius also say: Man who feel cocky all day come to sticky end.

...Women with bleached hair
have dark hair by cracky.


Kevin D. Vaughn

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Mar 28, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/28/96
to
:0...@b64099.student.cwru.edu>
<groy-19039...@asteroid108.terraport.net> <LaH50DAc...@jkmoran.demon.co.uk> <4jaam8$3...@alpha.pcix.com>
Distribution:

Confucius say: Man who take cold shower not cumming now.

Caped Cursader

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Mar 28, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/28/96
to
la...@everything.com (Funghi) wrote:
>Jake Moran <zann...@jkmoran.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>>Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket fell cocky all day,
>...Women with bleached hair
> have dark hair by cracky.

Man who flatulates in church, sits in own pew.


Leo Parry

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Mar 31, 1996, 3:00:00 AM3/31/96
to
Confucius say:
-------------

. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission
grow up to be shiftless bastard.

. Man who lay girl on hill not on level.

. He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab.

. Wife who put man in dog house find him in cat house.

. Man who farts in church sits alone in pew.

. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.

. Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.

. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

. Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.

. Man with athletic finger make broad jump.

. Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

. Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.

. Modern house without toilet uncanny.

. Woman who springs on inner-spring this spring, gets off-spring next
spring.

. Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.

. Man who have hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

. Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth.

. Man who lay woman on ground has peace on earth.

. Man who sleep on railroad tracks wake up with split personality.

. Baseball very strange game. How can man with 4 balls walk?

. Woman who go to man's apartment for snack may get tit bit.

. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.

. Woman who spends much time on bedspring, may have offspring.

. Passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

. Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy.

. Man who get kicked in testicles left holding bag.

. Man who sucks nipples make clean breast of things.

. Man who fights with wife all day, gets no peace at night.

. Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.

. Wife who slides down bannister makes monkey shine.

. Virginity like balloon, one prick and it is all gone.

. Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.

. Girls should not marry basketball players, they dribble before they
shoot.

. Woman who flies upside-down have crack up.

. He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own
hands.

. Man who have head up ass, have shitty outlook on life.

. Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change.

. A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.

. He who make oral love to epileptic woman may get tongue-tied.

. He who make love to exhaust pipe of car have hot rod.

. Eplileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.

. Sleepy man who stand behind car get exhausted.

. Sleepy man who stand in front of car get tired.

. Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wakes up with smelly fingaz.

. Man who stand on toilet, must be high on pot.

. Man who have hand in pockets, not crazy, just feeling nuts.

dun...@net-connect.net

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Apr 1, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/1/96
to
filt...@nai.net (Will Benoit) wrote:

>In article <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>, baum...@Onramp.net (Bill) says:
>>
>>
>>>Confucius say:
>>>-------------
>>
>>He who sleeps in pantry has ass in jam
>>
>>He who walks thru airport door sideways is going to Bangkok


>He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wake up with sticky/smelly finger
>>
>>filth pig
>>heh
>>
>>Pesto
>>

Man who live in round house, cannot shit in corner....


Bill

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Apr 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/6/96
to

>Confucius say:
>-------------

He who sleeps in pantry has ass in jam

He who walks thru airport door sideways is going to Bangkok


heh

Pesto


Will Benoit

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Apr 6, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/6/96
to
In article <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>, baum...@Onramp.net (Bill) says:
>
>

John Fraser

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to

Confucius say man who screw on hillside - not on de level !


Paul Goddard

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Apr 7, 1996, 4:00:00 AM4/7/96
to
In message doc.jmu.edu> <Dp3yq...@news2.new-york.net> - baum...@Onramp.net (
Bill) writes:
:>
:>
:>>Confucius say:
:>>-------------
:>
He with penis in biscuit tin is fucking crackers.

He who taketh woman into field shalt have piece on earth.


Beatle

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
-man with dick in peanut butter fucking nuts
-wise man should not play leapfrog with unicorn
-man with hand in other man's pocket feeling cocky

-F (yeah so you've probably heard them a million times, a million
and one isn't so bad)


--
* http://www.bf.rmit.edu.au/~s9205250/ O O O O *
* Subspace:s920...@otto.bf.rmit.edu.au < < < < *
* VISIT MY SHRINE OF ZORK HOMEPAGE /\ /\ /\ /\ *
* "You are standing in an open field, west of a ^Ascii Abbey Road, 1969 *
* white house... there is a small mailbox here..." -Zork I- The G.U.E. *


chiq...@airex.com

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Apr 9, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/9/96
to
filt...@nai.net (Will Benoit) wrote:

chiq...@airex.com

He with hands in pocket, feel cocky.

Matthew Clarke

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Apr 10, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/10/96
to
s920...@otto.bf.rmit.edu.au (Beatle) writes:

> -man with dick in peanut butter fucking nuts
> -wise man should not play leapfrog with unicorn
> -man with hand in other man's pocket feeling cocky

> -F (yeah so you've probably heard them a million times, a million
> and one isn't so bad)

Confucius say:

He who straddle fence soon bear no fruit.
--
Matthew...@mindlink.bc.ca or a03...@giant.rsoft.bc.ca
Opinions? Nah. Too much trouble.

joey BOLLARD

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Apr 10, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/10/96
to
In article <4k7lm3$1p...@news-s01.ny.us.ibm.net>
pcg...@ibm.net (Paul Goddard) writes:

> In message doc.jmu.edu> <Dp3yq...@news2.new-york.net> - baum...@Onramp.net (
> Bill) writes:
> :>
> :>
> :>>Confucius say:
> :>>-------------

midget always getting nose in other man's business

Matthew Spears

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Apr 10, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/10/96
to
a03...@giant.rsoft.bc.ca (Matthew Clarke) writes:

>Confucius say:

He who chases cars will soon get exhausted.

Justin C. Fauci

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Apr 14, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/14/96
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he who stand on toilet high on pot

High Commander Cylar

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Apr 14, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/14/96
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On Tue, 9 Apr 1996 chiq...@airex.com wrote:

> filt...@nai.net (Will Benoit) wrote:
>
> >In article <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>, baum...@Onramp.net (Bill) says:
> >>
> >>
> >>>Confucius say:
> >>>-------------
> >>
> >>He who sleeps in pantry has ass in jam
> >>
> >>He who walks thru airport door sideways is going to Bangkok
>
>
> >He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wake up with sticky/smelly finger
> >>
> >>filth pig
> >>heh
> >>
> >>Pesto
> >>
>

> chiq...@airex.com
>
> He with hands in pocket, feel cocky.
>
>
>

>Confucius say: "Live by a dog's rule of life. If you can't eat it or
fuck it, piss on it!"

Confucius say: "Woman who fly airplane upside down has crack up."

Cylar


y...@pc.jaring.my

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Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
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He who heehaws is a jackass.


ski...@i1.net

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Apr 17, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/17/96
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"Justin C. Fauci" <jfa...@oak.liii.com>wrote:

>he who stand on toilet high on pot


>On 6 Apr 1996, Will Benoit wrote:

>> In article <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>, baum...@Onramp.net (Bill) says:
>> >
>> >
>> >>Confucius say:
>> >>-------------
>> >
>> >He who sleeps in pantry has ass in jam
>> >
>> >He who walks thru airport door sideways is going to Bangkok
>>
>>
>> He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wake up with sticky/smelly finger
>> >
>> >filth pig
>> >heh
>> >
>> >Pesto
>> >
>>
>>

Man who live in glass house must have toliet in basement

--skiboy


Jeff Nykerk

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Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
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He who eats too many jelly beans, farts in living color!!

He who farts in church, sits in own pew!!!


On Wednesday, April 10, 1996, Matthew Spears wrote...

Thomas Powell

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Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
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Woman who bake beans and pees in same pot very unsanitary.

Eugene Tyurin

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Apr 18, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/18/96
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Confucius say too much.
-- Chinese proverb.

--
Eugene Tyurin - PhD student at ITP, Stony Brook U.
http://www.physics.sunysb.edu/~gene/

scor...@best.com

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Apr 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/19/96
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Woman who flies upside down in airplane, has hairy crack-up

Colin Levine

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Apr 19, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/19/96
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00 <4jcs29$n...@doc.jmu.edu> <Dp3yq...@news2.new-york.net> <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>
Message-ID: <834916...@levinehq.demon.co.uk>
Date: Friday, Apr 19, 1996 01.46.12
Organization: None
Reply-To: co...@levinehq.demon.co.uk
X-Newsreader: Newswin Alpha 0.7
Lines: 42

In article: <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net> baum...@Onramp.net (Bill)
writes:
> Path:
demon.co.uk!news.demon.co.uk!dispatch.news.demon.net!demon!tank.news.pipex.net!pipex!weld.news.p
ipex.net!pipex!plug.news.pipex.net!pipex!oleane!jussieu.fr!math.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!new
shost.convex.com!news.onramp.net!stemmons35.onramp.net!user
> From: baum...@Onramp.net (Bill)
> Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
> Subject: Re: I need lots of 'Confucius Say' jokes
> Date: Sat, 06 Apr 1996 03:03:08 -0600
> Organization: On-Ramp; Individual Internet Connections; Dallas/Ft Worth/Houston, TX USA
> Lines: 13
> Message-ID: <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>
> References: <4c8igb$m...@news.mel.aone.net.au> <4cktv9$c...@newsbf02.news.aol.com>
<Pine.SGI.3.91.960110...@laplaza.taos.nm.us> <4d9pgj$p...@anarchy.io.com>
<4dog91$j...@hawk.global.co.za> <4hr2i8$7...@decaxp.harvard.edu> <mew11-17039618472400
<4jcs29$n...@doc.jmu.edu> <Dp3yq...@news2.new-york.net>
> NNTP-Posting-Host: stemmons35.onramp.net


>
>
> >Confucius say:
> >-------------
>
> He who sleeps in pantry has ass in jam
>
> He who walks thru airport door sideways is going to Bangkok
>
>

> heh
>
> Pesto
>
>
>
--
Colin EMail co...@levinehq.demon.co.uk

Confucius say " Woman who cooks beans and peas in the same pot - very unhygenic" (It only works
if you say it, rather than read it !!!

Col.

Larry Phillips

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Apr 20, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/20/96
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In article <82987846...@levinehq.demon.co.uk>,
Colin Levine <co...@levinehq.demon.co.uk> writes:

Confucius say:

Secretary not permanent until screwed on desk.


Marsha Ann Folks

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Apr 21, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/21/96
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In article <N.041896....@scorpion.vip.best.com>,
scor...@best.com wrote...
>

>Woman who flies upside down in airplane, has hairy crack-up

>> >He who eats too many jelly beans, farts in living color!!


>> >
>> >He who farts in church, sits in own pew!!!
>> >

>> >> >Confucius say:
>> >>
>> >> He who chases cars will soon get exhausted.
>> >>
>> >
>> Woman who bake beans and pees in same pot very unsanitary.
>

Confucius say:

Rape impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up
than man run with pants down.


Algernon

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Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
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I like that one. How about :-

Confucius say "Budweiser like making love in a punt - fucking close to water ..."


James H. Parker

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Apr 22, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/22/96
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Confucius Say: "Man with hand in pocket not always counting change"


James McKinley

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Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
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Confuscius say: "Woman who flies airplane upside down have crackup


Timothy Laishley Lock

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Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
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High Commander Cylar (cy...@ecst.csuchico.edu) wrote:
:
:
: On Tue, 9 Apr 1996 chiq...@airex.com wrote:
:
: > filt...@nai.net (Will Benoit) wrote:
: >
: > >In article <baumbach-060...@stemmons35.onramp.net>, baum...@Onramp.net (Bill) says:
: > >>
: > >>
: > >>>Confucius say:

: > >>>-------------
: > >>
: > >>He who sleeps in pantry has ass in jam
: > >>
: > >>He who walks thru airport door sideways is going to Bangkok
: >
: >
: > >He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wake up with sticky/smelly finger
: > >>
: > >>filth pig
: > >>heh
: > >>
: > >>Pesto
: > >>
: >
: > chiq...@airex.com

: >
: > He with hands in pocket, feel cocky.
: >
: >
: >
: >Confucius say: "Live by a dog's rule of life. If you can't eat it or
: fuck it, piss on it!"
:
: Confucius say: "Woman who fly airplane upside down has crack up."
:
: Cylar
:

List of Confucios say... jokes??

151. "Man like baby - want to suck tit all day."
150. "Man who screw blender no longer man."
149. "Some Men like guns - shoot blanks."
148. "Men who put cream in tart not always bakers."
147. "Man who walk in middle of road get hit by bus."
146. "Man who let woman on top is fucking up."
145. "Woman who spend much time on bedspring may get offspring."
144. "Sex on beach is like American beer - fucking near water."
143. "Man who masturbate only screwing himself."
142. "Schoolboy OK to masturbate as long as it's not against
Principal."
141. "Schoolboy who mess around with school girl
during wrong period get caught red-handed."
140. "Wise man not play leapfrog with unicorn."
139. "Better to be pissed off than pissed on."
138. "Man who gets kicked in testicles left holding the bag."
137. "Man who kiss girl's behind get crack in face."
136. "Man who snatch kiss when young, kiss snatches when old."
135. "Girl who douche with vinegar walk around with sour puss."
134. "Girls should not marry basketball players because they always
dribble before they shoot."
133. "He who fuck tailpipe may burn rod."
132. "It take square ass to shit brick."
131. "Woman who dance while wearing a jock strap
have make believe ballroom."
130. "A girls best asset is her liability ('lie'ability)."
129. "Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor."
128. "Man who marries a girl with no bust has a right to feel low
down."
127. "Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts."
126. "He who fishes in another mans pond will often catch crabs."
125. "Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own
hands."
124. "Wash your face in morning neck at night."
123. "Man who take woman on camping trip have one intent."
122. "He who refuses to listen is lying."
121. "When lady says no, she mean maybe.
When lady say maybe, she mean yes.
When lady say yes, she no lady."
120. "Woman who not practice sex before marriage
is sentenced to an interminate length."
119. "He who sniffs coke drowns."
118. "Crowded lift smells different to midget."
117. "Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead."
116. "Man who piss into wind get wet."
115. "Never eat yellow snow."
114. "Boy who plays with himself pulls boner."
113. "Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons."
112. "Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet."
111. "He who outruns the cheetah is fucking fast on his feet."
110. "He who sitteth on upturned tack shall sureley rise."
109. "Even the greatest of whales is helpless in the desert."
108. "The hand that turneth the knob opens the door."
107. "He who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly
finger."
106. "Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk!"
105. "Preserve wildlife - pickle a hedgehog!"
104. "Passionate kiss like spider's web - soon lead to undoing of
fly."
103. "Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone!"
102. "Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright
organ.
101. "Man who walk thru airport turnstyle sideways going to
Bangkok."
100. "Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick."
99. "Man with one chopstick go hungry."
98. "Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit."
97. "Man who fuck turkey eat stuffing."
96. "Man who fuck ugly dog get howled at."
95. "Man trapped in sewer eat shit and die."
94. "Hockey player on ice have big stick."
93. "Man who go to McDonald's eat out stinky meat."
92. "Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat."
91. "Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off."
90. "Man who get paid pick up chick."
89. "Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off."
88. "Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end."
87. "Man who eat pussy do lip service."
86. "Man who fuck pig eat ham."
85. "Pentocostal who pass out get laid in church."
84. "Woman who turn back on lover get fucked over."
83. "Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth."
82. "Priest with dick in snow like cold one before mass."
81. "Man trapped in whore house get jerked around."
80. "Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts."
79. "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
78. "Man with tool in woman's mouth, not necessarily a dentist."
77. "Man who paints on toilet door is a shithouse painter."
76. "Is good for girl to meet boy in park but better for
boy to park meat in girl."
75. "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."
74. "Fool climb tree to get cherry. Wise man spread limbs."
73. "Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."
72. "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
71. "Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."
70. "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."
69. "Man who meows ate pussy!"
68. "Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."
67. "Those who quote me are fools."
66. "Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
65. "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
64. "Work to become, not to acquire."
63. "Show off always shown up in showdown."
62. "Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."
61. "Man with no legs bums around."
60. "Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."
59. "Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
58. "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
57. "Find old man in dark, not hard!"
56. "Confucius say too fucking much!"
55. "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
54. "It is Ok for shit to happen. Shit will decompose."
53. "When in doubt, whip it out."
52. "A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish,
but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."
51. "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
50. "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
49. "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train
likely to end up with splitting headache."
48. "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."
47. "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."
46. "Girl who go to bachelor pad for snack get tit-bit."
45. "Man have more hair on chest than woman,
but on the whole woman have more."
44. "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."
43. "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."
42. "No difference between man and mouse. Both end up in pussy."
41. "Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."
40. "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
"Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night."
39. "Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."
38. "Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."
37. "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
36. "If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."
35. "Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!"
34. "House without toilet is uncanny."
33. "Many men smoke but Fu Manchu."
32. "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing
is a dirty double crosser."
31. "While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding."
30. "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"
29. "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
28. "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
27. "Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
26. "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
25. "Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow."
24. "Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth."
23. "Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
22. "Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have
offspring next spring."
21. "Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky."
20. "Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."
19. "Wife for life is better than wife for strife."
18. "Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."
17. "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
16. "Girl with little red bike peddle ass all over town!"
15. "Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
14. "Girl who slides down banister nude gets splinters by crackey!"
13. "Rape no good. Woman run faster with dress up,
than man can with pants down."
12. "Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in
hand."
11. "Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it."
10. "All blonde not blonde by cracky."
9. "Man who sit on tack get point!"
8. "Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"
7. "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
6. "Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new-key!"
5. "Woman who fly plane upside down have hairy crack up!"
4. "Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth!"
3. "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
2. "Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"
1. "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"

tim

(forwarded from fo...@arcadia.cs.rmit.edu.au)


i might be indecisive but i'm not sure!

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Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
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Confucius Quotes
================

"Confucius say..."
-------------------

"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."

"Virgin like balloon...one prick, all gone."

"Baseball wrong...man with four balls cannot walk."

Work to become, not to acquire."

"Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."

"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."

"Find old man in dark, not hard."

"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."

"Ok for shit to happen... will decompose."

"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up
with splitting headache."

"Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."

"Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."

"Don't drink and park, accidents cause people."

"He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser."

"Man who tell too many light bulb jokes soon burn out."

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Never raise hands to angry child, it leaves groin exposed."

"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."

"Man who fart in church sit in own pew!"

"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."

"Confucius say too damn much!"

"Those who quote me are fools."

"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there."

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot."

"Man who sit on tack get point."

"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"

"Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"

"War not determined who's right, war determines who's left."


"Freakin' Chuck"

Bob2A

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Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
to
Confucius say: Woman who goes to man's apartment for evening snack usually
gets titbit.

w...@rkw.rau.ac.za

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Apr 23, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/23/96
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In article <4ld823$i...@news.moscow.com> suns...@moscow.com (Marsha Ann Folks) writes:
>From: suns...@moscow.com (Marsha Ann Folks)
>Subject: RE: I need lots of 'Confucius Say' jokes
>Date: 21 Apr 1996 12:01:07 GMT

Man with sex problem often finds solution in hand

James McKinley

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Apr 24, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/24/96
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How about this one?

Woman who slide down fire pole have no hair by cracky.


High Commander Cylar

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Apr 24, 1996, 3:00:00 AM4/24/96