shortest books ever written
bb05246
>>|> What are the three shortest books ever written???
>>|>
>>|> 1. Italian War Hero's
>>|> 2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>>|> 3. Black's I met While Yachting.
>>
>>4. German Humour
>>5. American Culture
French Hospitality
Good English Cooking
--
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
John Hollister "Now what's going to happen to us
bb0...@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu without barbarians? They were, those
bb0...@bingvaxa.bitnet people, a kind of solution" -Cavafy
Avoid normal situations.
Q: What is it that cannot run, though it has three feet?
A: A yardstick.
D F Russell (rus...@g56dfr.raleigh.ibm.com) wrote:
: In article <1993Sep22.1...@ultb.isc.rit.edu>, jne...@ritvax.isc.rit.edu (Kool-aid Man!!) writes:
: |> In article <CDpoM...@gpu.utcc.utoronto.ca>, char...@madhaus.uucp (Jim Charters) writes:
: |> >In article <yyi80B...@mindvox.phantom.com> void...@mindvox.phantom.com (Sir Vox-A-Lot) writes:
: |> >>drol...@ac.dal.ca writes:
: |> >>
: |> >>> What are the three shortest books ever written???
: |> >>>
: |> >>>
: |> >>>
: |> >>>
: |> >>> 1. Italian War Hero's
: |> >>> 2. Jewish Business Ethic's
: |> >>> 3. Black's I met While Yachting.
: |> >>>
: |> >>> any others? I heard there was a fourth book.
: |> >>
: |> >>
: |> >>
: |> >>Canadians Who Know Punctuation?
: |> >>
: |> >>
: |> >>
: |> >
: |> >
: |> >Americans who understand the difference between punctuation and
: |> >grammar?
: |> >
: |> >
: |> >
: |> >--
: |> >Jim Charters
: |> >Geophysicist & Chief Computer Flunkey / University of Toronto Geology
: |> >Toronto / Ont. / CANADA / M5S 3B1 / char...@quartz.geology.utoronto.ca
: |>
: |> List of Canadian men that have a penis longer than 5 inches?
: |>
: So, how many *HAVE* you measured? =;-)
Another one of the shortest books ever written: a.t.j. posters who don't
flame. I should know... :-)
Love & kisses,
The Stainless Steel Moviegoer
"And the exiles observed the Passover on the fourteenth of the first month."
-- Ezra 6:19
michael andrew holthouse
>>>> 1. Italian War Hero's
>>>> 2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>>>> 3. Black's I met While Yachting.
4. Words of Wisdom from a Woman.
- m.
--
- Mike Holthouse -
(holt...@cis.ohio-state.edu)
"Why am I here?" - Adm. Stockdale & Me
roi...@ritvax.isc.rit.edu
Nuttin' Bitch.
Mikko Hy|kki
> ObJoke:
> Q: What is it that cannot run, though it has three feet?
> A: A yardstick.
> Love & kisses,
> The Stainless Steel Moviegoer
The dork has returned.
--
crus...@lut.fi I Star Captain Glenn Pajari I D E A T H A I D
Mikko Hy|kki I Black Bear Galaxy I Clan I
Laserkatu 3 AB 222 I 73rd Battle Cluster I Ghost I Kill the World
53850 LAPPEENRANTA I Trinary Alpha I Bear I
Amit Marwah
>What are the three shortest books ever written???
>
>
>
>
>1. Italian War Hero's
>2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>3. Black's I met While Yachting.
>
4. Polish Wisdom
AM
Glenn Pinkerton
>In article <1993Sep21.1...@news.uit.no> st...@stud.cs.uit.no
>(Stig-Lennart Soerensen, the ace whale-killer) writes:
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>|> What are the three shortest books ever written???
>>|>
>>|> 1. Italian War Hero's
>>|> 2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>>|> 3. Black's I met While Yachting.
>>
>>5. American Culture
>
>7. A Guide to Snorkeling in Norway
and don't forget that ever popular best seller:
The Vatican Guide to Family Planning
Rude Red Rob
>>What are the three shortest books ever written???
>>
>>1. Italian War Hero's
>>2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>>3. Black's I met While Yachting.
>4. Compendium of American Culture.
5. Great English Lovers
6. The Best Things about America
John Evans
>>>
>>>1. Italian War Hero's
>>>2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>>>3. Black's I met While Yachting.
>>4. Compendium of American Culture.
>5. Great English Lovers
>6. The Best Things about America
7. The Who's Who of Great Republican Humanitarians.
--
John Evans || Huh huh, huh huh huh
astr...@cs.montana.edu || huh huh mmm, huh huh huh huh
515 Cobleigh || huh huh, huh huh huh.
phone: (406) 994-5980 || --- from the Big Blue Book of Classic Haiku's
Jester
>In article <1993Sep20.2...@ac.dal.ca> drol...@ac.dal.ca writes:
>>1. Italian War Hero's
>>2. Jewish Business Ethic's
>>3. Black's I met While Yachting.
>
>5. Dissimilarities of rap and urban language
6. Cuban Diplomacy throughout the 1960's
7. American Diplomacy throughout the 1960's
8. Russian humour throughout the 1960's
Later
Jester.
--
* _/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/_/_/ * ajo...@cck.ac.cov.uk
* _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ * " WOW! Mum!- You're
* _/ _/_/ _/_/_/_/ _/ _/_/ _/_/_/ * lookin' fine today!"
* _/_/ _/_/_/ _______/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/ * :-Oaedipus-:
kel...@ccsua.ctstateu.edu
8. Kosher cooking with pork
Gerard Kleijwegt
I call them "Books for Lexophobes" ...
1 - a millenium of German humour
2 - great English lovers
3 - great heterosexual English lovers
4 - the glory days of Welsh rugby
5 - who is who in Finland's intellectual elite
6 - the best of British cuisine
7 - modesty, the American way
8 - safe driving in France
9 - the great Belgian philosophers
10 - a compendium of Italian Nobel Prize winners
11 - a guide to Australian etiquette
12 - famous Norwegian inventions
13 - Dutch generosity through the centuries
14 - Sweden on $ 5 a day
15 - Muammar Khadaffi - a liber amicorum
16 - heroes of the Austrian resistance during World War II
17 - everything you always wanted to know about Canada
18 - original Japanese designers
19 - a cultural guide to the USA
20 - mountaineering in the Netherlands
21 - succesful applications of Artificial Intelligence
22 - fun with Unix
23 - the collected funny bits from this newsgroup
--Gerard
******************************************************************
Gerard J. Kleywegt _____
Department of Molecular Biology | | / \
Biomedical Centre / \ --- | |
University of Uppsala | | | | | |
Uppsala | | | | | |
SWEDEN | | \ / ---
--- |____|
E-mail: ger...@xray.bmc.uu.se
******************************************************************
"He's probably pining for the fiords ..."
******************************************************************
The opinions in this mail/post are fictional. Any similarity
to actual opinions, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
******************************************************************
Steven K Harrison
11. English Cooking (subtitle = A Guide to the Art of Boiling)
12. French Hospitality
13. A Foreigner's Guide to Camping in Florida
14. The Plan for Prohibition in Australia
15. Popular Lawyers
16. Detroit - A Travel Guide
17. Heterosexual Hangouts in Key West
18. Exciting Things To Do in Kansas
19. Obesity in East Africa
20. The Mormon Guide to Alternative Sex
etc.........
Data Rentals and Sales
24. Great Jewish Atheletes
(O.K., So there actually was one).
--
#include <standard.disclaimer>
_
Kevin D Quitt 96.37% of all statistics are made up
Roamer
: 24. Great Jewish Atheletes
and you absolutely CANNOT forget the following:
25. The Wit And Wisdom Of Dan Quayle
26. Everything Men Know About Women
27. How IRC Can Be Useful
28. A History Of U.S. Presidents That Made Progress
29. Atheists Who Converted To Christianity
30. The Educational Guide To MTV
and that ever famous book:
"How I Grew Up" By Macauley Culkin
: (O.K., So there actually was one).
Uh...
I believe he's talking about "Famous Jewish Sports Legends" (*smile*)
: --
: #include <standard.disclaimer>
Not responsible for: Loss of hair, sanity, or teeth...
Do not subject to high temperatures
: _
: Kevin D Quitt 96.37% of all statistics are made up
and 67.4% of those are actually true...
"If you lie, you may find that you are unwillingly telling the truth"
-- Roamer (cra...@netcom2.netcom.com)
Peter
36. The Baywatch guide to acting.
37. Jewish guide to Philanthropy
39. Politicians Guide to Ethics
40. 'How to Make Friends', by Shannon Doerty
42. Female Teachers in Space.
45. My Guide to getting a Girlfriend.
Duncan Gibson
>
>25. The Wit And Wisdom Of Dan Quayle
>28. A History Of U.S. Presidents That Made Progress
Around 1979/80 there was an LP record available (in the North of England
at least) entitled "The Wit and Wisdom of Ronald Reagan" and it was
completely blank.
After Reagan was shot, it was re-released, it was still completely
blank, but badly scratched...
I wonder how may people spent good money on that one. And no! I didn't!
Cheers
Duncan
Of course this posting has nothing to do with my employer at all
Regmyr Jonas
XX: American history.
/Jonas...
--
Mail: Karl Jonas Regmyr Sergelsv. 5A S-217 57 Malmö Sweden
Phone: +46 (0)40 91 42 41 Email: dat9...@ludat.lth.se
Jester
>How about this one then.
>
>XX: American history.
>
> /Jonas...
>
>--
OK Jose~
The life and times of the unborn baby
War and Peace (not)
A day in the life of flight 409
Wayne M. Syvinski
The Mistakes of Rush Limbaugh
Promises Kept by President Clinton
Presidential Decisions Not Made by Hillary Clinton
Representative Dan Rostenkowski's Guide to Ethics
Vice-President Gore's Handbook for Industrial and Economic Growth
The Success of Socialized Medicine in Canada
The Contribution of High Taxation to Economic Growth
hmmm....only a few pages here
* Wayne Matthew Syvinski (The RushClone): Syvi...@BADLANDS.NoDak.edu *
* (but y'all can still find me at VM1.NoDak.edu (NDSUvm1.BITNET) *
* North Dakota State University, Fargo, North Dakota ===GO BISON!!!=== *
* My ex-girlfriend's motto: Semper Fidelis, except for YOU, Wayne! *
Miguel Farah F.
You're forgetting two important ones:
1- "My tips and secrets to make friends" by Darth Vader
2- "Our favorite DISCO songs" by Led Zeppelin
--
MIGUEL FARAH F. // "Trust me - I know what I'm doing."
mfa...@malloco.ing.puc.cl // - Sledge Hammer
#include <disclaimer.h> //
Daniel B Case
>How about the following for the list of World's Shortest Books:
>
>The Mistakes of Rush Limbaugh
>Promises Kept by President Clinton
>Presidential Decisions Not Made by Hillary Clinton
>Representative Dan Rostenkowski's Guide to Ethics
>Vice-President Gore's Handbook for Industrial and Economic Growth
>The Success of Socialized Medicine in Canada
Canada's health care system is *not* socialized medicine (Britain's is).
>The Contribution of High Taxation to Economic Growth
Hey! All partisan political jokes deserve equal time for the opposing side...
The Rush Limbaugh Diet
Coherent Thoughts of George Bush
Presidential Decisins Not Made By Nancy Reagan's Astrologer
Newt Gingrich's How to Practice what you Preach
Elementary Spelling by Dan Quayle.
Why Health Care in the US Is So Much More Equitable Than In Canada.
How to Overcome the effects of the Business Cycle Through Supply-Side Economics
Arthur Laffer, God's Gift to Economics.
Daniel Case State University of New York At Buffalo
"Hey, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"-Dr. Strangelove
V140...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
Prodigy: WDNS15D GEnie: DCASE.10
YOUR LOVERBOY
can someone either repost the whole list or email it to me?
thanks
ozb...@sage.cc.purdue.edu
--
Death comes to those who wait.
and of course,
Variety may be the spice of life, but at least with consistancy, you know
what you are biting into... love ya, oz
Peter Wignell
Karen Carpenter's Recipe Book
Rodney Wines
> The Rush Limbaugh Diet
> Coherent Thoughts of George Bush
> Presidential Decisins Not Made By Nancy Reagan's Astrologer
> Newt Gingrich's How to Practice what you Preach
> Elementary Spelling by Dan Quayle.
> Why Health Care in the US Is So Much More Equitable Than In Canada.
> How to Overcome the effects of the Business Cycle Through Supply-Side Economics
> Arthur Laffer, God's Gift to Economics.
Those making less than $250,000 a year who benefitted from "trickle down"
economics.
===================================================================
| Rodney Wines, Alcatel STR AG, | Phone: +41 1 465-2205 |
| Friesenbergstr. 75, CH-8055 Zurich | FAX: +41 1 465-2411 |
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| Internet: rodney...@alcatel.ch | "I always wanted roots, |
| X.400: c=CH a=arCom p=Alcatel | but if I can't have roots |
| s=Wines g=Rodney | I'll have wings." |
===================================================================
Robert Hyatt
>In <CE163...@acsu.buffalo.edu> v140...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu writes:
>
>> The Rush Limbaugh Diet
>> Coherent Thoughts of George Bush
>> Presidential Decisins Not Made By Nancy Reagan's Astrologer
>> Newt Gingrich's How to Practice what you Preach
>> Elementary Spelling by Dan Quayle.
>> Why Health Care in the US Is So Much More Equitable Than In Canada.
>> How to Overcome the effects of the Business Cycle Through Supply-Side Economics
>> Arthur Laffer, God's Gift to Economics.
>
>Those making less than $250,000 a year who benefitted from "trickle down"
> economics.
>
I make less than $250K a year, and I certainly benefitted more from the
Reagan years than the preceeding Carter years..... I didn't like double
digit inflation and interest rates... couldn't afford to buy a house at
18% interest, nor watch the cost of living increase at the same rate.
--
!Robert Hyatt Computer and Information Sciences !
!hy...@cis.uab.edu University of Alabama at Birmingham !
Rodney Wines
> In article <1993Sep28.0...@srzts100.alcatel.ch> rodney...@alcatel.ch writes:
> >In <CE163...@acsu.buffalo.edu> v140...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu writes:
> >
> >> The Rush Limbaugh Diet
> >> Coherent Thoughts of George Bush
> >> Presidential Decisins Not Made By Nancy Reagan's Astrologer
> >> Newt Gingrich's How to Practice what you Preach
> >> Elementary Spelling by Dan Quayle.
> >> Why Health Care in the US Is So Much More Equitable Than In Canada.
> >> How to Overcome the effects of the Business Cycle Through Supply-Side Economics
> >> Arthur Laffer, God's Gift to Economics.
> >
> >Those making less than $250,000 a year who benefitted from "trickle down"
> > economics.
> >
>
> I make less than $250K a year, and I certainly benefitted more from the
> Reagan years than the preceeding Carter years..... I didn't like double
> digit inflation and interest rates... couldn't afford to buy a house at
> 18% interest, nor watch the cost of living increase at the same rate.
Hey, stupid, WAKE UP! This is a group for _JOKES_. No race, sex,
religion, economic philosophy, or political party is safe. If you're
going to post, it's generally frowned upon to get up on your soap box,
but it's often forgiven if you post a JOKE. Either get with the
program, or go back to alt.fan.rush.limbaugh where you belong.
Since I practice what I preach, my latest addition to the shortest books:
The number of people as clueless as Robert Hyatt who have a prayer of
making $250K a year unless we return to double digit inflation for a
couple of decades.
> !Robert Hyatt Computer and Information Sciences !
> !hy...@cis.uab.edu University of Alabama at Birmingham !
===================================================================
Greg Banerian
801) "Unanimated moments in the life of Al Gore",
802) "Women I have fucked" by Michael Jackson
&
803) "Adults I have fucked" by Michael Jackson
Greg Banerian
==============================================================================
THE OPINIONS ABOVE ARE WHOLLY MY OWN AND THOSE OF ANY SANE, INTELLIGENT
PERSON, BUT ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF MY EMPLOYER,
NOR SHOULD THEY BE CONSTRUED AS SUCH.
==============================================================================
Chip Gore
>
>>Those making less than $250,000 a year who benefitted from "trickle down"
>> economics.
>>
>
>I make less than $250K a year, and I certainly benefitted more from the
>Reagan years than the preceeding Carter years..... I didn't like double
>digit inflation and interest rates... couldn't afford to buy a house at
>18% interest, nor watch the cost of living increase at the same rate.
>
Hey BUTT HEAD Wrong news group for speachs!!!
This is ALT.TASTELESS.JOKES not ALT.I.AM.REPUBLICAN!!!
That's what we need...
a listing of all of the "missing news groups"
Any suggestions?
step...@news.delphi.com
MORE SHORTEST BOOKS EVER WRITTEN
**********************************************
The Infrastructure of Somalia
Democratic Institutions in China
The open markets of Japan
Your future and Social Security: Guide to benefits in the year 2025
Job prospects of recent college graduates
Successful marriages of the British Royals: A post World war II retrospective
How the border patrol won the war against illegal immigration
Charles Keating guide to safe bond investing
Riot prevention techniques of Daryll Gates and the LAPD
A history of illegal American immigration into Mexico
The phenomenon of religious tolerance in Northern Ireland
Safe Miami vacations for Europeans
Efforts of the Catholic Church to curb pedophilia
That's all folks.
Geert Raes
50. The Pil by The Pope
51. Nightlife at the Vatican
52. Belgian Politics made easy
--
SGR aka Geert Raes
es...@reks.uia.ac.be
(* I'm a Modula-2 freak *)
IMPORT FunnyPart;
IMPORT SpellCheckerEng;
IMPORT AsciiGraphics;
IMPORT Disclaimer;
--
you don't have to be a number 1 to be a programmer,
it just helps a bit
--
Remco Moolenaar
>
>50. The Pil by The Pope
>
>51. Nightlife at the Vatican
>
>52. Belgian Politics made easy
||
Shouldn't this be: The thickest book.
My version:
52bis Honest Belgian Politics
53. Belgian meals without fries.
>--
>SGR aka Geert Raes
>es...@reks.uia.ac.be
Remco Moolenaar a.k.a. A dutchman in Belgium.
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ceci, n'est pas une .signature
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Andy McClelland
n. British Productivity
n+1. Japanese Relaxation
.n+2 Polish Humour (by Grzegorz)
and now, to combine lightbulbs and periods,
Q How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb?
A 7.
Q Why does it take 7?
A IT JUST DOES, OK!!
Andy McClelland
"Old enough to know better, young enough not to care." - me, 1979 (still true)
Disclaimer: These are not my company's opinions, some of them are not even mine!
Mail - Leica Cambridge Limited, Email - MCCLE...@eng.leica.co.uk
Clifton Road,
Cambridge CB1 3QH Tel - +44 223 411 411
UK Fax - +44 223 210 692
Rodney Wines
How about alt.I.bitch.at.others.but.don't.post.jokes.myself
Ahem, that was _my_ joke. :^)
kel...@ccsua.ctstateu.edu
> How about the following for the list of World's Shortest Books:
>
> The Mistakes of Rush Limbaugh
> Promises Kept by President Clinton
> Presidential Decisions Not Made by Hillary Clinton
> Representative Dan Rostenkowski's Guide to Ethics
> Vice-President Gore's Handbook for Industrial and Economic Growth
> The Success of Socialized Medicine in Canada
> The Contribution of High Taxation to Economic Growth
>
Waynes guide to bed wetting
Things about Wayne that you need to know
I orphaned by the Jackson family(by Wayne)
Paul Murtaugh
>Reagan years than the preceeding Carter years..... I didn't like double
>digit inflation and interest rates... couldn't afford to buy a house at
>18% interest, nor watch the cost of living increase at the same rate.
That is fascinating, Robert. Now I'd like to start a discussion of bird
feeders that exclude house finches. I also have some questions about
the proper way to maintain a compost pile.
:-D :-) ;^}
Grandma and Grandpa are sitting in the parlor one night. Grandma says,
"Fuck." Grandpa says, "Fuck." Grandma says, "Fuck!" Grandpa says,
"FUCK!" Grandma says, "You know, I don't see what's so great about
this oral sex."
David P. Morgan
> In article <1993Sep29.0...@reks.uia.ac.be> es...@reks.uia.ac.be (Geert Raes) writes:
deleted]
I would have thought that the publication of a tome entitled 'Famous Belgians'
would not cause a worldwide paper shortage.
So:
Let's all submit our favourite famous Belgians.
Robert Hyatt
>I figure there have been about 800 of these, so ...
>
>801) "Unanimated moments in the life of Al Gore",
>
>802) "Women I have fucked" by Michael Jackson
Surely you meant "Magic Johnson"
--
Robert Hyatt
You really fucked up here. I'm Beavis..... Guess it must be my
smile that confused you? :^)
Jean-Marc Libs
>
>I would have thought that the publication of a tome entitled 'Famous Belgians'
>would not cause a worldwide paper shortage.
>
>So:
>
>Let's all submit our favourite famous Belgians.
Here is a rarity, a Belgian joke French people tell which is actually
about French people:
Q: What do you call a famous Belgian?
A: French
Disclaimer: I wouldn't be surprised if someone felt it his duty to
helpfully point out that he's already heard it, thus commenting
and degrading the signal/noise ratio in the same useless post.
Daniel B Case
>In article <1993Sep29....@ittpub.nl>, da...@ittpub.nl (David P.
>Morgan) wrote:
>
>> I would have thought that the publication of a tome entitled 'Famous Belgians'
>> would not cause a worldwide paper shortage.
>>
>> So:
>>
>> Let's all submit our favourite famous Belgians.
>
>
Paul de Man
Roy Dybing
(* jokes deleted... *)
MODULE joke;
|> (*--
|> SGR aka Geert Raes
|> es...@reks.uia.ac.be
|>
|> I'm a Modula-2 freak *)
|> IMPORT FunnyPart;
|> IMPORT SpellCheckerEng;
|> IMPORT AsciiGraphics;
|> IMPORT Disclaimer;
|> (*--
|> you don't have to be a number 1 to be a programmer,
|> it just helps a bit
|> --*)
FROM Response IMPORT ReadResponse;
FROM InOut IMPORT WriteString;
VAR funny, MeThinks : BOOLEAN;
BEGIN
MeThinks := TRUE
OpenInput("alt.tasteless.jokes");
ReadResponse(funny);
IF funny AND MeThinks = TRUE THEN
TheTruth := "Wow, I got great humour :)";
ELSE
TheTruth := "I've been in alt.tasteless too long...";
END; (* if *)
WriteString(TheTruth);
END joke.
Oh, a "short book" joke:
My recent sex life : The pope
Swedish warheroes, of the 20th century
Chip Gore
There is a bug in your program.
>FROM Response IMPORT ReadResponse;
>
>FROM InOut IMPORT WriteString;
>
>VAR funny, MeThinks : BOOLEAN;
>
>BEGIN
> MeThinks := TRUE
> OpenInput("alt.tasteless.jokes");
> ReadResponse(funny);
> IF funny AND MeThinks = TRUE THEN
> TheTruth := "Wow, I got great humour :)";
> ELSE
> TheTruth := "I've been in alt.tasteless too long...";
> END; (* if *)
> WriteString(TheTruth);
>END joke.
The function "OpenInput" has a side effect of setting MeThinks to FALSE.
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
| o o o o | <o o> | Just because we disagree |
| <><><> <> | /-+-- --+X | doesn't mean I have to kill |
| |||||| || | /> <\ | you, unless I want to. |
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
Brian Cuocci
: In article <1993Sep28....@data-io.com> bane...@Data-IO.COM (Greg Banerian) writes:
: >I figure there have been about 800 of these, so ...
: >
: >801) "Unanimated moments in the life of Al Gore",
: >
: >802) "Women I have fucked" by Michael Jackson
: Surely you meant "Magic Johnson"
Oh, boy, are you gonna get flamed for thath one...
Perry Michael Smith
>FROM: Brian Cuocci <bcu...@csugrad.cs.vt.edu>
Oh, I don't know. _I_ thought it was funny. Odd, but funny.
savage pisser
>>> Let's all submit our favourite famous Belgians.
>>Hercule Poirot
>Paul de Man
This has got to be the most surreal request I have ever seen on this
net.
So I submit:
Rene Maigritte
(and, while I'm at it, Herge)
--
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
John Hollister "Now what's going to happen to us
bb0...@bingsuns.cc.binghamton.edu without barbarians? They were, those
bb0...@bingvaxa.bitnet people, a kind of solution" -Cavafy
Dave Pucknell
GK> From: ger...@rigel.bmc.uu.se (Gerard Kleijwegt)
GK> <1993Sep21.1...@bnr.ca> <s1073413.748839494@giaeb>
GK> <1993Sep24...@ccsua.ctstateu.edu>
GK>
GK> In article <1993Sep24...@ccsua.ctstateu.edu>,
GK> kel...@ccsua.ctstateu.edu writes:
GK> |> In article <s1073413.748839494@giaeb>,
GK> s107...@giaeb.cc.monash.edu.au (Rude Red Rob) writes:
GK> |> > ni...@bnr.ca (Nick Pitfield) writes:
GK> |> >
GK> |> >
GK> |> >>>What are the three shortest books ever written???
GK> |> >>>
GK> |> >>>1. Italian War Hero's
GK> |> >>>2. Jewish Business Ethic's
GK> |> >>>3. Black's I met While Yachting.
GK> |> >>4. Compendium of American Culture.
GK> |> > 5. Great English Lovers
Whats this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ?
I consider myself a great athlete, you could come round and write my
autobiography !!!!! <grin>
how about -
Americas modest people
Dave
Sergio Cafarelli
Bernd Meyer
And he deserves it!
--
We both know that the earth is round | Bernd Meyer, EE-student
So we can't see the way before us to its end | "Nobody is a failure who has
We walk on this way, hand in hand, | friends" (from: "It's a
And I hope you are still with me behind the horizon| wonderful life")
Pamela A. Schaefer
How about ...
Amtrak Arrivals
DENNIS MARTIN
>Subject: Re: shortest books ever written
>Date: 29 Sep 93 17:49:57 GMT
K H Petteri Bergius
: In article <1993Sep29.0...@reks.uia.ac.be>, es...@reks.uia.ac.be (Geert Raes) writes:
: (* jokes deleted...
: Swedish warheroes, of the 20th century
Actually, it should read:
Swedish warheroes of all times.
Another one on Swedes:
A Swede hijacked a submarine. He demanded to get 1 000 000 Krones as
a ransom and a parachute.
An old, but very characteristic one.
Flames by mail, please.
Petteri Bergius
"old anti-everything"
Claes Magnusson
ber...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI (K H Petteri Bergius) writes:
> Swedish warheroes of all times.
>
> Another one on Swedes:
>
> A Swede hijacked a submarine. He demanded to get 1 000 000 Krones as
> a ransom and a parachute.
>
> An old, but very characteristic one.
Whoa, that hurts. Especially when it comes from the people that have
never ever won a war, lined up with the germans during WW2 and "allied"
with the russians in 1946.
We've kicked the russians butt since 12th century until the battle of
Poltava. Then
we found out that it's better to build domestic wealth, fiddle around
with UN money and telling all other countries what to do.
Claes Magnusson
Sweden
cla...@gemini.ldc.lu.se
cl...@well.sf.ca.us
- - - - -
Q: Why's pubic hair curly?
A: You'd poke your eye out if it were straight.
Ghost in your host
How about this one:
British sex
Rodney Wines
> How about ...
>
> Amtrak Arrivals
That's not a book, that's an oxymoron!
Jarkko Siitonen
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes,rec.humor,nordunet.talk.humor,eunet.jokes
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From: cl...@well.sf.ca.us (Claes Magnusson)
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References: <27vi8b$d...@corax.udac.uu.se>
<1993Sep29.0...@reks.uia.ac.be>
<1993Sep30.1...@alf.uib.no> <28qfeh$c...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI>
Date: Tue, 5 Oct 1993 08:27:03 GMT
Xdisclaimer: No attempt was made to authenticate the sender's name.
Xref: sauna.cs.hut.fi alt.tasteless.jokes:12280 rec.humor:51393 nordunet.talk.humor:190 eunet.jokes:4952
In article <28qfeh$c...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI>
ber...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI (K H Petteri Bergius) writes:
> Swedish warheroes of all times.
>
> Another one on Swedes:
>
> A Swede hijacked a submarine. He demanded to get 1 000 000 Krones as
> a ransom and a parachute.
>
> An old, but very characteristic one.
Whoa, that hurts. Especially when it comes from the people that have
never ever won a war, lined up with the germans during WW2 and "allied"
with the russians in 1946.
We've kicked the russians butt since 12th century until the battle of
Poltava. Then
we found out that it's better to build domestic wealth, fiddle around
with UN money and telling all other countries what to do.
Hey you really made me laugh! That was fun one! Have you ever checked out
how many % of soldiers in swedish army in poltava were finns? Neither have
i but it sertainly was over 50%.....Sure the leaders were swedish....maybe
that explains why they freed all surrended russians right after fight....
Jarkko Siitonen
Claes Magnusson
jasi...@snakemail.hut.fi (Jarkko Siitonen) writes:
> Hey you really made me laugh! That was fun one! Have you ever checked out
> how many % of soldiers in swedish army in poltava were finns? Neither have
> i but it sertainly was over 50%.
Maybe that's why we lost? (You asked for it!)
Claes Magnusson :-)
Petri Kurre Orava
>ber...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI (K H Petteri Bergius) writes:
A Swede hijacked a submarine. He demanded to get 1 000 000 Krones as
>> a ransom and a parachute.
>>
>> An old, but very characteristic one.
>
>Whoa, that hurts. Especially when it comes from the people that have
>never ever won a war, lined up with the germans during WW2 and "allied"
>with the russians in 1946.
To prevent that happen again we decided to strengthen our air forces
with new fighter planes. Our alternatives were a Swedish JAS and an American
F/A-18 Hornet. (Do I have to say which one we took?)
Now the joke:
An angry Swede swinged the telephone bill in front of the receptionist in a
Norwegian Hotel.
Swede: In Sweden with this cost I could call even to Hell !
Receptionist: But that would be a local call....
>Claes Magnusson
>Sweden
>
>cla...@gemini.ldc.lu.se
>cl...@well.sf.ca.us
Petri Orava
Finland
Ira K. Blum
then the jews and the arabs,
now its a flamewar between the DANES and the SWEDES!!!!!!!!
the truly tasteless joke is this discussion
u
Andy McClelland
por...@vipunen.hut.fi (Petri "Kurre" Orava) writes:
>
>Now the joke:
>An angry Swede swinged the telephone bill in front of the receptionist in a
>Norwegian Hotel.
>Swede: In Sweden with this cost I could call even to Hell !
>Receptionist: But that would be a local call....
>
Hell is in Norway - FACT!
It even has a railway station, so you can buy tickets to Hell and back!
ObJoke:
An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman were stood by the graveside,
paying their last repects to a mutual friend.
The American, in a typical display of sincere but tasteless generosity,
reaches into his pocket and throws a wad of cash into the grave.
The Englishman, not wanting to appear uptight and ungenerous, throws in
a similar amount of money.
The Scotsman, in the eternally sensible way of his nationality, writes
out a check for three times what the others have put in, throws it into
the grave and pockets the cash.
You may laugh now.
Andy McClelland
"Old enough to know better, young enough not to care." - me, 1979 (still true)
Disclaimer: These are not my company's opinions, some of them are not even mine!
Mail - Leica Cambridge Limited, Email - MCCLE...@eng.leica.co.uk
Clifton Road,
Cambridge CB1 3QH Tel - +44 223 411 411
UK Fax - +44 223 210 692
H. Austin Hummel
|>
|> How about :
|>
|> "Good jokes posted to alt.tasteless.jokes"
Make that:
"Any jokes posted to alt.tasteless.jokes"
Jesper Buhl
>first its the liberals and the conservatives,
>then the jews and the arabs,
>now its a flamewar between the DANES and the SWEDES!!!!!!!!
What?
You are hereby granted my permission to kill your-
self in an especially cruel way of your own choice.
--
"... Computer-scientists Jesper Buhl / jb...@daimi.aau.dk
get laid all the time ..." Computer Science Department,
O. Danvy University of Aarhus, Denmark
Carsten Feilberg
>first its the liberals and the conservatives,
>then the jews and the arabs,
>now its a flamewar between the DANES and the SWEDES!!!!!!!!
Woawoh - halt! Don't mix Finns and Danes!! Ignorant!
But to contribute to the shortest books, there's a clear winner:
Americans knowledge of basic geografics
which is so short, that it was published on the back of the price
tags and hence distributed as a "free gift for fast reply" (which
actually refers to ANY reply).
Look at a map, Ira!
/Feilberg
--
---------------------------------------------------
There may be a correlation between humour and sex.
The need for more information is clearly indicated...
----------------Ltd.Cmd.Data--STAR TREK--TNG-------
K H Petteri Bergius
: In article <28qfeh$c...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI>
: ber...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI (K H Petteri Bergius) writes:
: > Swedish warheroes of all times.
: >
: Whoa, that hurts. Especially when it comes from the people that have
: never ever won a war, lined up with the germans during WW2 and "allied"
: with the russians in 1946.
Yes but we have fought very bravely ;-). And at times, the Finns
were the ones who actually did the fighting for the Swedes as we were part
of the country. Besides most of the wars between Sweden and Russia were
fought in Finland!
I'll rest my case. Let's not start the 'Swedes are world renown
fighters, but unfortunately nobody else knows about it" -type of a fight
here. See what happened with the innocent Polski jokes.
Petteri Bergius
"old anti-everything"
Daniel B Case
The real joke is either a) the Texas school system or b) your inability to
closely read posts or headers. This is a Swedish-*Finnish* flame war.
Daniel Case State University of New York At Buffalo
"Hey, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"-Dr. Strangelove
V140...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
Prodigy: WDNS15D GEnie: DCASE.10
Claes Magnusson
ber...@kruuna.Helsinki.FI (K H Petteri Bergius) writes:
> I'll rest my case. Let's not start the 'Swedes are world renown
> fighters, but unfortunately nobody else knows about it" -type of a fight
> here. See what happened with the innocent Polski jokes.
>
> Petteri Bergius
> "old anti-everything"
OK. This is very generous of you. I'm not sure that I would have won a
fight with you, should you have named great fins like Mannerheim,
Sibelius, Aalto, Runeberg, Topelius, Sodergren and even Donner.
Claes Magnusson
pro-everything
- - - - -
objoke:
Q: Where's an elephant's sex organ?
A: In his feet...if he steps on you, you're fucked.
Data Rentals and Sales
>But to contribute to the shortest books, there's a clear winner:
>
>Americans knowledge of basic geografics
>
Don't get uppity - 10% of Brits couldn't find their country on a globe.
--
#include <standard.disclaimer>
_
Kevin D Quitt 96.37% of all statistics are made up
Carsten Feilberg
Now, that is interesting. Was those 10 % of the elsewise so proud British population
found by a statistic within those 96.37 % of statistics or not ??
Anyway, there's a mighty big chance, that your numbers are wrong.
And where is your joke ?? You're supposed to bring a joke, otherwise
we can just as well rename this newsgroup to "eunet.smalltalk"!
Here is my joke: (Warning, you don't HAVE to read it)
Q: What is the average lifetime of a light bulb ???
A: Trick question! There's no answer! Someone keeps
changing the good damn light bulb all the time...
Well, you *were* warned!
/Feilberg
--
---------------------------------------------------
There may be a correlation between humour and sex.
The need for more research is clearly indicated...
-------------------Ltd.Cmd.Data--USS ENTERPRISE----
Niels Mikkel Michelsen
> >
> >Americans knowledge of basic geografics
> >
Shortest books ever:
American knowledge of basic etiquette
Intelligent american tourists
Gaz
>From: d...@netcom.com (Data Rentals and Sales)
>Subject: Re: shortest books ever written
According to stats, 98% of the population have more than the average number of
arms.....
Gaz
Gaz
There once was a botanist called Andy
who's todger was short and bandy.
His best efforts to get F**ked
the maidens all easily ducked
now his only true friend is his handy
Geir Atle Storhaug
Hell is in Norway - FACT!
It even has a railway station, so you can buy tickets to Hell and back!
Outside Bergen there is a place called Paradis. Earlier there was a railway station
at Paradis. I've heard that the most "bought-but-not-used" ticket was from
Paradis to Hell and back.
ObJoke:
Have you heard about the paddy who received water skies for Christmas?
He spent all spring looking for a sloping lake.
--
____ ___ Geir Atle Storhaug
/ ____/\ (__ Geir.A....@ffi.no
\___// \___) Phone: +47 63 807658 (office) +47 63 838987 (home)
I.A. Inman
In article <drsCEG...@netcom.com>, d...@netcom.com (Data Rentals and Sales) writes:
> In article <1993Oct5.1...@imada.ou.dk> go...@imada.ou.dk (Carsten Feilberg) writes:
> >But to contribute to the shortest books, there's a clear winner:
> >
> >Americans knowledge of basic geografics
> >
>
> Don't get uppity - 10% of Brits couldn't find their country on a globe.
>
>
But they managed to spot Corfu alright! (And Majorca, and Tenerife,...)
I wonder how many will have to think about this one?
Jose Isler
: How about :
: "Good jokes posted to alt.tasteless.jokes"
: serge
: se...@ll.mit.edu
And how about:
"Famous Volvo drivers"
Derek Holt
>In article <drsCEG...@netcom.com> d...@netcom.com (Data Rentals and Sales) writes:
>
>>Don't get uppity - 10% of Brits couldn't find their country on a globe.
>
>
>According to stats, 98% of the population have more than the average number of
>arms.....
>
>Gaz
etc. etc.
We're a very stingy tight-fisted lot here in Britain. Apparently, more than
68% of the population is within one standard deviation of being mean.
Derek Holt.
Mihai Azimioara
If I remember correctly, the Swedes kicked major butt in the Thirty-Year War
(1618-1648). I agree, the data is a bit old, but still...
Mihai Azimioara
#John Kirk
Chip Gore
>How about Abridged too far
That's sort of cute.
Almost funny.
TO GOOD FOR THIS GROUP!!!
Q: Mark
(That's the whole joke. HINT: read it outloud, but don't spit
on the screen. I didn't say it was funny)
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
| o o o o | <o o> | Just because we disagree |
| <><><> <> | /-+-- --+X | doesn't mean I have to kill |
| |||||| || | /> <\ | you, unless I want to. |
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
Guy Snape
In article <1993Oct5.1...@imada.ou.dk> go...@imada.ou.dk (Carsten Feilberg) writes:
>But to contribute to the shortest books, there's a clear winner:
>
>Americans knowledge of basic geografics
>
Don't get uppity - 10% of Brits couldn't find their country on a globe.
What's a globe?
- Guy
------------------------- Guy Snape
------------------------- g...@harlequin.co.uk
------------------0------ Harlequin Limited
-----------0-2-------2-0- Cambridge, England
-----0-h-2---------------
--3---------------------- #|My opinions, Not my employer's|#
DAG GILLIES
>In article <jwjohns-29...@jwjohnsmac.erenj.com>, jwj...@erenj.com (Jack W. Johnson) writes...
>>In article <1993Sep29....@ittpub.nl>, da...@ittpub.nl (David P.
>>Morgan) wrote:
>>
>>> I would have thought that the publication of a tome entitled 'Famous Belgians'
>>> would not cause a worldwide paper shortage.
>>>
>>> So:
>>>
>>> Let's all submit our favourite famous Belgians.
>>
>>
>>Hercule Poirot
>Paul de Man
>
Who in God's name is Paul de Man. And Hercule Poirot doesn't exist. But what about Jean Claude van Damme (a.k.a. The Muscles from Brussels)?
Adios. DAGG.
Klaus Roehler gen. Riemer
[ ..... many lines skipped ]
Hercule Poirot
>>Paul de Man
>>
>Who in God's name is Paul de Man. And Hercule Poirot doesn't exist. But what about Jean Claude van Damme (a.k.a. The Muscles from Brussels )?...
...with remarkably few
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ BRAIN!
You mean "The Sweater the better"(c) ... sorry couldn` t resist.
(c)from the KNAVE an english Men`s Magazine
>Adios. DAGG.
Amigos KRR
--
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Klaus Riemer, D-W4790 Paderborn, pi...@uni-paderborn.de
phone (voice) ++49 +5251 66688
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Philip Andrew Paul Carmody
Joaquin R.
What about:
Eunet.jokes really funny
or
Eunet.jokes new jokes
Sweevo
Is there really any point at all posting shit like this?
If ya dont like it, unsubscribe, or better still, bless us with some of
your own humour.
There must be 10-20 of these go through each week, and quite frankly, there
starting to get on my nerves. What is the point of winging that this group
isnt funny....if ya think that, then why the hell do you bother to read it?
Constructive replies by email please, abuse to /dev/null.
Adam, the annoyed.
--
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't get strung up by the way i look.
Don't judge a book by its cover. ["Price that is!"]
I'm not much of a man by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a lover. ["Throw it!"] The RHPS.
MaD,bAd and totaly wicked *X->
Sweevo.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Keith A. Lewis
Carsten Feilberg <go...@imada.ou.dk> wrote:
...
>But to contribute to the shortest books, there's a clear winner:
>
>Americans knowledge of basic geografics
>/Feilberg
True story: My brother-in-law was talking with some German students on
a train who were making fun of the geographic knowledge of Americans.
One of them said "I'll bet most Americans don't even know there are 48
states in the United States."
"Americans knowledge of basic geografics." Hmmm. Nah. Too easy. All I can
say is if English was good enough for Jesus Christ it's good enough for me.
--
- Keith Lewis One does not discover new lands without consenting
k...@panix.com to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
-- Andre Gide
Rodney Wines
> In article <2995fa$t...@senator-bedfellow.MIT.EDU>, bur...@athena.mit.edu (Joaquin R.) writes:
> |>
> |> What about:
> |>
> |> Eunet.jokes really funny
> |>
> |> or
> |>
> |> Eunet.jokes new jokes
My contribution:
Intelligent flamers who don't post a joke themselves
> Is there really any point at all posting shit like this?
Is there really any point at all posting shit like THIS????
> If ya dont like it, unsubscribe, or better still, bless us with some of
> your own humour.
Try taking your own advice.
> There must be 10-20 of these go through each week, and quite frankly, there
> starting to get on my nerves.
There are at least that many posts like yours, and they're getting on my
nerves, too. I'd flame them all, but I don't know that many jokes.
> What is the point of winging that this group
> isnt funny....if ya think that, then why the hell do you bother to read it?
What is the point of doing exactly what you're accusing others of doing?
> Constructive replies by email please, abuse to /dev/null.
Why don't you take your own advice on the abuse part?
> Adam, the annoyed.
Rodney, the one who wishes people would practice what they preach.
ObJoke, just for good measure:
An American spent the summer in Italy, and when he came home (with a big
smile on his face) all his friends were anxious to find out how he spent
his summer. All he would say was, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."
Finally, his friends had had enough and demanded that he tell them what
he did. Finally, the guy relented and said, "Well, you know the old
saying, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do'? That's exactly what I did,
I seduced an American schoolteacher."
===================================================================
| Rodney Wines, Alcatel STR AG, | Phone: +41 1 465-2205 |
| Friesenbergstr. 75, CH-8055 Zurich | FAX: +41 1 465-2411 |
-------------------------------------------------------------------
| Internet: rodney...@alcatel.ch | "I always wanted roots, |
| X.400: c=CH a=arCom p=Alcatel | but if I can't have roots |
| s=Wines g=Rodney | I'll have wings." |
===================================================================
Karl Strobl
You want true stories? you can have them: when I was living in the US, my
flatmate was British. He tried to explain the he was from London, and got
asked by a US-citizen, whether London was a New England state.
Or I tried at least fifty times in vain to explain the difference between
Austria and Australia. like:
- where do you come from?
- Austria.
- Ah, AustrALia.
- No, AUStria.
- Oh, I see, AUStrALia.
- No, AAUUUSStria, you know? Ever heard of Vienna, Salzburg, Mozart,
Schwarzenegger, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the beginning of WW I...?
- Ah, I get it. AAUUSStralia.
Or, just in case you are American and think the German thinking the US has
48 states is stupid:
Do you know how many provinces Germany has? (comment: the average number of
inhabitants there is equal to the average population of a US state)
Do you even know how many countries there are in the EC? (the population of the
EC is 1 1/2 times that of the US, so if you don't know either of these two
questions, you are even more ignorant that this German. And know think of
whether your world view might be just a bit too centered around the US)
Oh well, most of you probably don't even know how many provinces your only two
neighbours have, do you?
Karl
Karl Strobl
What makes America the melting pot of nations?
Guided tours in Bosnia
Tolerance and the history of Feminism
Recycling in the Americas
How the first world will tackle the next oil crisis
English supermodels
What remained of the British Empire?
The Italian government under [fill in any Italian Prime Minister of the
last fifty years]
Italian political ethics, or why the Roman empire had to rise and fall.
Aids awareness campaigns in Britain.
All the good reasons to have an expensive sportscar, or why some people only
pick up stupid partners
Proofs that the pope is enlightened.
How the paperless bureaucracy will come about.
Anglo-French agreements on how the Channel Tunnel will operate.
John Major's political principles.
Margret Thatcher's sensibilities.
Kurt Waldheim's regrets.
The UN and its peacekeeping function.
Serbian concessions.
How the colonial empires spreaded democracy.
cheers, Karl
Stewart Sutherland
>From: j...@crosfield.co.uk (#John Kirk)
>Subject: Re: shortest books ever written
"American Presidents I have loved" by Sadam Hussein
Stewart Sutherland
>From: Sut...@umfolozi.ntech.ac.za (Stewart Sutherland)
>Subject: Re: shortest books ever written
"Americans I Love" by Stewart Sutherland
OtherAcct
: How about the following for the list of World's Shortest Books:
: The Mistakes of Rush Limbaugh
: Promises Kept by President Clinton
: Presidential Decisions Not Made by Hillary Clinton
: Representative Dan Rostenkowski's Guide to Ethics
: Vice-President Gore's Handbook for Industrial and Economic Growth
: The Success of Socialized Medicine in Canada
: The Contribution of High Taxation to Economic Growth
And even shorter books:
The Wit of rush limbaugh
Things I remember by Ronald Reagan
Everything I know by rush l.
Benefits of Trickle down theory
Good Deeds of Modern Conservatism
rush limbaughs guide to education (real short)
Mark Loop
>Karl
I have a degree in Geography and hence I don't feel I represent the norm
in term of Geographic esoterica. But *two* things are immediately apparent
to anybody reading your diatribe:
1. You seem to be a hypocrite by theorizing that Americans are as
ignorant about your part of the world as Europeans are about the U.S.
while concurrently bashing ignorant, self-righteous, bourgeois,
decadent Americans for being overly concerned with their immediate
vicinity. Perhaps we should ask a more generalized quiz like:
a) What nations are current members of: NATO, SEATO, the UN and
Warsaw Pact? (careful, some of these may be wrong if you're
still using that 1967 high school textbook that is probably
still in use over there).
b) What is the capitol of the Falkland Islands and why should we care?
c) What is the value of 5 Eurodollars in Rubles?
d) If Adolf Hitler was Austrian (or was that AustrALian?) why did
we bomb Germany?
e) What is the probabilty that the EC will result in a pseudo-civil
war as a result of the upcoming depression?
2. You obviously *don't* know what alt.tasetless.jokes is about.
In short. If you can't take a joke you have no business being one.
Oh, and by the way, with regards to the number of provinces our only two
neighbors have... Mexico calls their subdivisions "states" much like the
U.S.. Canada, while using provinces also has territories, which, depending
on whether you tally districts or not (e.g. District of MacKenzie, Franklin,
etc.) could affect your answer. Furthermore, the US shares a border with
the former USSR. Little Diomede Island (US) is less than 6 miles from Big
Diomede Island (Soviet) so I guess they could be called our neighbors also.
Thomas D. Nadeau
>
>"American Presidents I have loved" by Sadam Hussein
Suthes> "Americans I Love" by Stewart Sutherland
"Adult Women I Have Had Sex With" by Woody Allen and
Michael Jackson
--
/---------------------------------------------------------------------/
\ \
/ Thomas D. Nadeau ======== ======== /
\ Internetworking And Media Group ======= ========= \
/ Xyplex, Inc. ======= ====== /
\ 295 Foster Street, ======== == \
/ Littleton, MA 01460 -------======= ------- /
\ ======== == \
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Claes Magnusson
of 2000?
A: Seven. EC, and six Yugoslavian states.
- - - - -
Paul G Hostetler
EC? That was your objoke, eh?
>Oh well, most of you probably don't even know how many provinces your only two
> neighbours have, do you?
>
>Karl
>
You have a peculiar definition of geography. Geography is the study of the
earth and it's features and the distribution of life on the earth, including
human life and the effects of human activity.
I can recall Pi to six significant figures from memory. If I memorize it
to 75 figures will I be better in mathematics?
--
Paul Hostetler &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
phos...@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu & "His mother was a mudder!" &
ms_hos...@kcgl1.eng.ohio-state.edu & -Kramer &
at...@cleveland.freenet.edu &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Daniel B Case
>Or, just in case you are American and think the German thinking the US has
>48 states is stupid:
>
>Do you know how many provinces Germany has? (comment: the average number of
> inhabitants there is equal to the average population of a US state)
Who cares? Historically, "Germany" as a single nation is a rather recent and
dubious concept anyway.
>Do you even know how many countries there are in the EC? (the population of the
> EC is 1 1/2 times that of the US, so if you don't know either of these two
> questions, you are even more ignorant that this German. And know think of
> whether your world view might be just a bit too centered around the US)
The "European Community" is a contradiction in terms. IN any case, there are
twelve, for the moment, but if the Scottish nationalists and the Lombard
League have their way, that might change.
>Oh well, most of you probably don't even know how many provinces your only two
> neighbours have, do you?
Canada has ten provinces (I live about 20 km from the most populous) and Mexico
doesn't have any provinces at all-it has states!
Shows how much *you* know.
And since when does the US have merely two neighbors? On land, yes. But you
forget Russia, Cuba and the Bahamas-all of whose territorial waters have defined
borders with the US.
Daniel Case State University of New York At Buffalo
"Hey, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!"-Dr. Strangelove
V140...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
Prodigy: WDNS15D GEnie: DCASE.10
Dennis Moore
[Stupid foreigner trick deleted ;-) (apologies to Letterman -- and NBC's
intellectual property lawyers)]
>
>True story: My brother-in-law was talking with some German students on
>a train who were making fun of the geographic knowledge of Americans.
>One of them said "I'll bet most Americans don't even know there are 48
>states in the United States."
[conclusion and sig deleted]
I used to work for an Australian company. They loved to bash Americans.
One day several Ozzies and I were engaged in a "frank and open discussion
of the issues" when one of them told the old saw:
What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Trilingual.
Two languages? Bilingual.
One language? American.
After their guffawing died down, I asked each of them how many languages they
spoke. All initially claimed two, although when pressed, they were each
unable to speak the non-English language (or English very well, for that
matter ;-) ).
-- Dennis Moore, my own opinions, etcetcetc
jeffrey young
Rodney Wines
> >True story: My brother-in-law was talking with some German students on
> >a train who were making fun of the geographic knowledge of Americans.
> >One of them said "I'll bet most Americans don't even know there are 48
> >states in the United States."
-- snip --
> You want true stories? you can have them: when I was living in the US, my
> flatmate was British. He tried to explain the he was from London, and got
> asked by a US-citizen, whether London was a New England state.
> ^ ^^^^^^^^^^
> Or I tried at least fifty times in vain to explain the difference between
> Austria and Australia.
Yes, you can find stupid people wherever you go. Also, we learned all
this stuff in school, but never encountered it later, so it is easy to
forget it.
When I was offered my current job in Switzerland, one friend asked,
"Does this mean you'll have to learn Swedish?"
Here's my joke, although it's supposedly a true story, so don't flame me
(like I've flamed others) for not posting a joke.
This real sad story involves a US ambassador (or consul, I can't remember
which) that Bush appointed to Switzerland. The US and Switzerland are
obviously not having any major problems, so the foreign service jobs in
places like this are political plums that are given to people who've
raised a lot of money for the party in power. The people aren't known
for their foreign service skills.
Right after his appointment, this guy that Bush appointed made some
speech in the US where he went on at length about how he was really
looking forward to living and working among the Swedish people.
One thing I was also told at the same time I heard the above story is
that the US is about the only major country that doesn't have a school
for its foreign service personnel (not counting Harvard, of course). It
shows. You could probably count on one hand the US ambassidors who were
actually liked and respected by people in their host country.
> Or, just in case you are American and think the German thinking the US has
> 48 states is stupid:
"Different" don't mean "better", "worse", or even "stupid". It just
means "different". This is a lesson that some people outside the US
could also learn when dealing with the US. Yes, we do some things
differently, and there are some things you do that we'd do well to
emulate, but we're not total idiots either. Neither are you.
ObJoke -- I got too preachy and started feeling guilty!
Shortest books ever written:
Bi-lingual British
Dmitry Gokhman
>48 states is stupid:
Not stupid, probably just old.
>Do you know how many provinces Germany has? (comment: the average number of
> inhabitants there is equal to the average population of a US state)
Let's see, going left to right ... Baden, Wurttemberg, Bavaria, Austria,
Sudetenland, Poland, Ukraine ... Woops. I must be pretty old too.
>Do you even know how many countries there are in the EC? (the population of the
Since EC stole the US idea of having stars in a circle on the flag,
it's easy to figure out.
> EC is 1 1/2 times that of the US, so if you don't know either of these two
> questions, you are even more ignorant that this German. And know think of
> whether your world view might be just a bit too centered around the US)
What, there are places other than Texas? How do you get to them?
I got in the truck and drove for at least 3 six-packs and was still in
Texas. Burrrpp...
>Oh well, most of you probably don't even know how many provinces your only two
> neighbours have, do you?
That's what the CIA book of world facts is for.
Anyway, I thought we had more than two neighbors.
Wasn't R. Reagan worried about a land assault by the Sandinistas?
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- Mr. Gumby * \oo7 Dmitry Gokhman -> gok...@ringer.cs.utsa.edu
says: `/v/-* May the wind at your back never be your own.
MY BRAIN HURTS J L - Jack Lemmon YOUR AD HERE!
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