two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice
something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my
crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two
sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going
bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually,
thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the
microscopic shit-molecules lingering around my brown starfish.
stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy
sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my
dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a
ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to
keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I
back to the dorm.
Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I
reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against
other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly
dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it
front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two
flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of
as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan
and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And
sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and
dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with
tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only
"It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at
every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for
ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it
get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two
twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a
frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As
anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first
in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture
brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is
a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out
window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it
over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant
Friends-DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
tha Ole SheepHustler