Funny Phone Sayings
Jeff Mulvaney
>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>Tell me some good ones.
Instead of saying hello ask for a person. Usually the person calling me will
tell me that i have a wrong number and then hang up. A few minutes later they
call back rather annoyed with me. You can have so much fun with peoples heads.
It's lotsa fun.
Jeff
some...@cyberhighway.com
> >What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> >I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> >Tell me some good ones.
Answer the phone in your best "Phony FM DJ Voice" and say "Congratulations,
you're our 10th caller! Now for $1000 tell me who plays the best rock in <your
city> ?!" If they even attempt to guess an answer, tell them they're wrong and
hang up on them.
Skip
On Thu, 06 Nov 1997 14:06:14 -0500, A <anyw...@sexist.com> wrote:
>bre...@cyberhighway.com wrote:
>>
>> Paul J. Higginbotham II wrote:
>> >
>> > "Bob's abortionists, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em"
>>
>> "Joe's Whorehouse, where the customer comes first"
>Joe's whorehouse "We don't give a fuck for nothing!"
--
Joe's Whorehouse, where it's a business to do pleasure
with you.
NOSPAMd...@iwaynet.net
Dave's Coffin Company. You just ask it; we've got the casket......
Lark
Gernot Lachner <glac...@iafrica.com> wrote in article
<N.110397....@196-31-20-161.iafrica.com>...
>
> > What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > Tell me some good ones!
>
> .. you stiff 'em we stuff 'em -
>
>
... you stab'em we slab 'em
or "Hello, City Crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em"
pedroman
The one that I always use is
Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
Pedro
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>Tell me some good ones!
NOSPAMming in effect in email address.
Wanna send me something, don't use SPAM
Come and check out the I Don't Know Lounge at
www.geocities.com/NapaValley/6899/idkbar.html
Matthew Joseff
CIA/FBI Langley speaking.
(or just immitate your answering machine, then say "beeeeeep", and wait).
Anthony & Stacey Rosner
Funeral Parlor: "Steven's Mortuary... You kill em' we chill em'"
"Steven's Mortuary.... You stab em' we slab em'"
a.j.
Macgregor Greer
G'day,
Kelly's woodyard...........
want a root?
Metaphysical Graffiti
How about: Pillsbury's Crematorium, nothing says lovin' like putting
them in the oven.
yield unto temptation, it may not pass your way again
In article <63lom8$j...@internal.sa.gov.au>, "Mike Dunn" <md...@dasc.sa.gov.au> writes:
> Anarchy wrote in message <345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
>>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
>>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>>Tell me some good ones!
>
>
> or
>
> Hello, city morgue.....would you like to speak to someBODY?
>
>
I always liked:
County Abortion Clinic...you rape 'em, we scrape 'em.
liana
Dennis P. Bjork
On Sat, 8 Nov 1997 some...@cyberhighway.com wrote:
> > >What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > >I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > >Tell me some good ones.
>
> Answer the phone in your best "Phony FM DJ Voice" and say "Congratulations,
> you're our 10th caller! Now for $1000 tell me who plays the best rock in <your
> city> ?!" If they even attempt to guess an answer, tell them they're wrong and
> hang up on them.
>
Crisis Center...please hold!...your call is important to us,
please continue to hold...etc
Fartman
THE BIG PIG
Another one I learned during a distressing period when we were receiving
harassing telephone calls.
When the phone rings. pick it up but wait for the other party to speak
first. Not only is it a good way to deal with unwanted callers, but it's
interesting the reactions you get.
David
PHOENIX
Joe's Morgue...
you stab 'em, we slab 'em
you slice 'em, we ice 'em
you kill 'em, we chill 'em
you burn 'em, we urn 'em
you whack 'em, we pack 'em
... what can we do for you today?
phoenix
Unleash the DOGS to respond to email
Stinkyy
PHOENIX wrote in message <346A86AC...@earthlink.net>...
Joe Bob's Movers
You Call We Haul
If We can't Truck it
Fuck it.
KKC
ann...@net.spammers wrote in message
<647epl$c...@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>...
On 7 Nov 1997 22:04:01 GMT, "Bobby Killsmith" <hend...@telus.planet.net>
wrote:
>Abortion clinic...you rape'em, we scrape'em.
>Followup line: No fetus can beat us!
---
Next door is the sperm bank - you squeeze it, we freeze it.
Jeff Wilson
I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
>
> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com wrote:
>
> >The one that I always use is
> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> >
> >Pedro
> >
> >
> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>
> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
Frank
County mourge you stab um, we slab um.
Water works, head drip speaking.
Sherwood forest, Robin hood speaking.
Dave Roberts
yield unto temptation, it may not pass your way again wrote:
>
> In article <63lom8$j...@internal.sa.gov.au>, "Mike Dunn" <md...@dasc.sa.gov.au> writes:
> > Anarchy wrote in message <345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> >>Tell me some good ones!
> >
> >
> > or
> >
> > Hello, city morgue.....would you like to speak to someBODY?
> >
> >
>
> I always liked:
>
>
> liana
How about you lay em we slay em.
Or no Feitus will beat us.
Douglas Jackson
Used at my all female dorm when answering the floor phone
:Kentucky Fried Chicken, would you like a breast or a leg?"
In our last episode of [alt.tasteless.jokes], NOSPAMd...@iwaynet.net wrote:
> Dave's Coffin Company. You just ask it; we've got the casket......
--
_.-------Commercial e-mail will be read at a cost of AUS$25 each-------.
_ // I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed |
\X/ or numbered! My life is my own. - No.6 to No.2, "The Prisoner" |
`------------Amiga Users - Someone you trust is one of us.--------------'
Craig Ulmer
You dice 'em, we ice 'em
You kill' em, we chill 'em
You duel 'em, we cool 'em
Me Myself and I
Not so fun if the other end replies "How the fuck should I know who you =
are, you should know that better than me"
Jedd D Katrancha <s0jd...@atlas.vcu.edu> wrote in article =
<Pine.A32.3.95.971105...@atlas.vcu.edu>...
> here's a good one...."who the fuck is this you nasty whore"
>=20
>
Kuda
>I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
>>
>> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
>> wrote:
>>
>> >The one that I always use is
>> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
>> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
>> >
>> >Pedro
>> >
>> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
>> >
>> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>> >>Tell me some good ones!
>>
>"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
>Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
Couldn't tell ya where that came from... But, there IS a bait and tackle shop
here in Western NY called "The Happy Hooker" :)
---------------------------
|< |_| |> /-\
E-Mail:ku...@mindless.com
HTTP://www.netsync.net/jtc/
---------------------------
Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
Me Myself and I
Try your emergency number. Like 911 for the states. I used that for a =
couple of years but had to quit since so many hung up scared. It's =
amazing how many out there don't know which number they dialed.
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote in article =
<345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?=20
Foi McCraw
> "Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
>
> Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
Hmmm....the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers?
--
"Qui custodiet ipsos custodes?" - Roman Senator
"Mustn't let the monkeys know you're different." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Women should be obscene and not heard." - F. J. McCraw, Jr.
Beamer Smith
cgu...@tiger.towson.edu (Christopher Gunter) wrote:
>Abortion clinic, you f--k'em, we chuck'em.
>Chris
You Rape 'em, We scrape 'em... no fetus can beat us!
ass...@yourbackdoor.com
On 7 Nov 1997 16:48:34 GMT, cgu...@tiger.towson.edu (Christopher
Gunter) wrote:
>Abortion clinic, you f--k'em, we chuck'em.
>Chris
HOW 'BOUT
JOE'S ABORTION CLINIC
YOU RAPE 'EM
WE SCRAPE 'EM
NO FETUS CAN BEAT US
Gonzo
pedroman <NOSPAMp...@geocities.com> wrote in article
<646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>...
Living off-campus at University with 5 girls we answered the
phone.."Fairfax Bakery..which tart would you like to fill"
OR
"Farifax Mortuary...you stab 'em, we slab 'em"
neal
yield unto temptation, it may not pass your way again wrote:
>
> In article <63lom8$j...@internal.sa.gov.au>, "Mike Dunn" <md...@dasc.sa.gov.au> writes:
> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> >>Tell me some good ones!
> >
> >
> > or
> >
> > Hello, city morgue.....
You stab em, we slab em.
ST Racin5
How about:
Billy Boby Taxidermy: You Stiff'em.. We Stuff'm
ST 5
Me Myself and I
Hello, city morgue Deluxe...
.... your brain in a jar
.... while you wait at the bar
.... Discount to all hit by trucks
...Was she always bitchin'?
...And you want to pay back?
....we'll seal up that crack
....keep it closed with some stichin'
...Your son was into piercing?
...Scared the hell outta yo' mother?
...From one ear to the other
...We'll stick a pen, he won't feel a thing!!
...Your daughter died a virgin?
...We got a necrophiliac!
...Corps he'll suck'n'fuck
...I'll beep him, he's our surgeon
If it's to long use it on your answering machine man!!
Ganja
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote in article =
<345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?=20
Steven F. Scharff
Roko wrote in message <347589...@here.now>...
>Farifax Morgue... You Kill em, we chill em!
>Farifax Cemetary... Jake? Sure, I'll just dig him up for ya!
(With recording of hysterical laughter in the background)
"Arkam Asylum for the Homicidally Insane, Dr. Caligari speaking."
(After dropping phone receiver several times)
"Precision Efficiency Experts"
Steven F. Scharff <http://bounce.to/scharff>
Remove "REMOVETHIS" to reply
SI HOC LEGERE SCIS NIMIUM ERUDITIONIS HABES
Blue Daze
perhaps with some friends, kinda like this:
first party (picks up phone): No, come on, this call might be important.
second party: No, hang up! We've got to go! We're going to be late!
first party (puts receiver on table): Why do you have to be such an asshole?
and you can see how this might progress into quite a dramatic scene.
Depending on how far you want to take this, you can probably use firearms in
the background for sound effects, ect.
Blue Daze
Wolfgang Szoecs
>(With recording of hysterical laughter in the background)
>"Arkam Asylum for the Homicidally Insane, Dr. Caligari speaking."
>
>(After dropping phone receiver several times)
>"Precision Efficiency Experts"
Or how about:
"CIA, NSA, HAMAS, Cocaine, Kill, Clinton"
"Please speak now, two tapes are recording your call")
Regards Wolfgang
--
\------------------------------------------------\ _ ______ |
\ Wolfgang Szoecs Software Support Engineer \ /SGI\____-=0`/|0`/__|
\ Silicon Graphics GmbH, Munich / Germany \____\Munich / | / )
/ SMTP: wo...@munich.sgi.com / `/-==_____/__|/__=-|
/ Phone: 0130/112550 | Fax: 089/46108 190 / * \ | |
/------------------------------------------------/ (o)
Redistribution of this message via the Microsoft Network is prohibited
DeLong
Kuda wrote:
> >I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
> >>
> >> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >> >The one that I always use is
> >> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> >> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> >> >
> >> >Pedro
> >> >
> >> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> >> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> >> >>Tell me some good ones!
> >>
> >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
>
> >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
>
> >Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
>
> Couldn't tell ya where that came from... But, there IS a bait and tackle shop
> here in Western NY called "The Happy Hooker" :)
>
> ---------------------------
> |< |_| |> /-\
> E-Mail:ku...@mindless.com
> HTTP://www.netsync.net/jtc/
> ---------------------------
>
> Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
You Bag em', when slab em'
s...@one.net
In article 65ocm7$fs5$1...@gte2.gte.net,
Chucks 24hr Pool Hall and Whore House
No matter how you rack your balls, we do a better job
Gaven Miller
> >> >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
"I'll have two topless burgers, then"
--
All email sent to my inca address will bounce, however I can now be
contacted via an intermediary : gem at tos pl net. I would like to
apologise to the genuine respondents that this may inconvenience.
--
Quote For The Month:
"Keep your feet on the stars, and keep reaching for the ground"
(Brian Henson, "Talk Soup", Tuesday 9:00 on TV4)
wma...@spidome.net
On 29 Nov 1997 22:42:05 GMT, s...@one.net wrote:
I'll have the "sheepherder special"--a glass of water and a little
piece of ewe.
>
Vanilla Gorilla
>Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote in article =
><345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
>> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?=20
>> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>> Tell me some good ones!
>>
"Hello"
You suck raw shit through a straw. stop posting in alt.guitar.
viking20 @ nospam hotmail . com
Vanilla Gorilla
Gaven Miller
Vanilla Gorilla (milh...@springfield.net) wrote in rec.humor:
> You suck raw shit through a straw. stop posting in alt.guitar.
HAHAHA.
That was _the_ funniest phone saying I have ever heard.
(Must use that on my answerphone - it'll have everyone laughing _so_ much)
--
All email sent to my inca address will fail, however I can now be
Marc Hoppins
I did this a long time ago.
I called this girl's house (knew her vaguely)
Me: Can I speak to Cyril please?
Girl: Sorry, no one called Cyril here
Me: Thanks
5-10 mins later I ring again using phoney voice
Me: Can I speak to Cyril please?
Girl: No one here by that name
Me: OK
5-10 mins later using another phoney voice
Me: Hi, is Cyril there?
Girl: No one called Cyril here.
Me: Oh, I see. Thank you.
10 mins later I phone up again.
Me: Hello, Cyril speaking. Have there been any messages for me?
MH - Swiss cheese
Thor, God of Thunder
I used to do this all the time. It was one of the funniest jokes you
could ever imagine. Great one, try it.
Luke
On 29 Nov 1997, DeLong wrote:
>
>
> Kuda wrote:
>
> > >I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
> > >>
> > >> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
> > >> wrote:
> > >>
> > >> >The one that I always use is
> > >> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> > >> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> > >> >
> > >> >Pedro
> > >> >
> > >> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
> > >> >
> > >> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > >> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > >> >>Tell me some good ones!
> > >>
> > >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
> >
> > >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
> >
> > >Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
> >
> > Couldn't tell ya where that came from... But, there IS a bait and tackle shop
> > here in Western NY called "The Happy Hooker" :)
> >
> > ---------------------------
> > |< |_| |> /-\
> > E-Mail:ku...@mindless.com
> > HTTP://www.netsync.net/jtc/
> > ---------------------------
> >
> > Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
>
> You Bag em', when slab em'
>
>
>
How about: you kill 'em, we chill 'em.
C/4C LUKE SMITH
CHARLIE FLIGHT
"We Come, We See, We Conquer"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't even get out of the game.
The three laws of thermodynamics.
Cast not a shadow upon this frail earth, lest my vengeance be required of
thee.
ALLS well that ends well.
I don't eat meat in DAKA any more: it might be someone I know.
Me.
There are no losers, only winners who let others celebrate victory.
Me.
James Cannon
Here's one....
"Uptown Abortion... You rape em, We scrape em!!"
> > Kuda wrote:
> --snip--
> > > >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
> > >
> > > >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
--Dozens of other messages snipped--
CheechWizard
won ton's sushi bar and bait shop......
..where todays bait is tommorrows
sushi...............................................
eric ryder
how 'bout Zippy's Abortion Parlor - You rape 'em, we scrape 'em" ?
Luke wrote:
>
> On 29 Nov 1997, DeLong wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > Kuda wrote:
> >
> > > >I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
> > > >> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> >The one that I always use is
> > > >> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> > > >> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> > > >> >
> > > >> >Pedro
> > > >> >
> > > >> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
> > > >> >
> > > >> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > > >> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > > >> >>Tell me some good ones!
> > > >>
> > > >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
> > >
> > > >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
> > >
--
__________________ ______ __
___ ____/___ __ \___ //_/
__ __/ __ /_/ /__ ,<
_ /___ _ _, _/ _ /| |
/_____/ /_/ |_| /_/ |_|
Troy Thompson
James Cannon wrote:
> Here's one....
> "Uptown Abortion... You rape em, We scrape em!!"
And don't forget the closing "No Fetus can Beat Us!"
Grinner
"Local nuthouse, Napoleon speaking!"
jon brown
you are all sick and twisted
Keith Ehrle
On Sun, 01 Mar 1998 10:36:17 -0600, "jon brown" <bro...@brookings.net>
wrote:
>
>you are all sick and twisted
Thank you. Got any little kids for sale?
--
Keith E.
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
sossy
Keith Ehrle wrote in message <34fbdb72...@news.voyager.net>...
>On Sun, 01 Mar 1998 10:36:17 -0600, "jon brown" <bro...@brookings.net>
>wrote:
>
>>
>>you are all sick and twisted
>
>Thank you. Got any little kids for sale?
>
How much for ze leettle girls???
Gernot Lachner
> >>you are all sick and twisted
> >
> >Thank you. Got any little kids for sale?
> >
>
> How much for ze leettle girls???
whatta colour do yo like ?
black - R 50.00
brown - R 100.00
white - R1000.00 (them little bugger be becoming seldom on da
streets now)
virgins (any colour) - out of stock.
--
sciathán leathair ~..~
Keith Ehrle
On Mon, 02 Mar 98 19:30:27 GMT, glac...@iafrica.com (Gernot Lachner)
wrote:
Gimme a dozen. Six, four and two. Under five years old, please. I
don't want anything with lotsa wear and tear, either.
Michael & Samantha
Keith Ehrle <kei...@bigfoot.com> wrote in article
<34fbdb72...@news.voyager.net>...
> On Sun, 01 Mar 1998 10:36:17 -0600, "jon brown" <bro...@brookings.net>
> wrote:
>
> >
> >you are all sick and twisted
>
> The scary part is that's my best two qualities
>
John N! Swegan
I actually worked for AT&T for several years, answering their customer service
line along with several thousand other folks.
At the time of my initial training, we were supposed to answer the phone by
saying, "Thank you for calling AT&T! How can I provide you with excellent
service?"
I'm not kidding... this was back in1990!
Did the constant drilling of this phrase work? We had to make an effort NOT to
say it when we answered our home phones (Although it was a gas when MCI or
SPRINT called us!)
I knew they had drilled it into us too well, when one morning, about 3 AM, I
sat up with a start, looked at my wife and said, in a panic, "Thank you for
calling AT&T! How can I provide YOU with EXCELLENT service?"
I won't say what the excellent service was that she made me provide her... but
she wasn't all that bad, either!
Pastor SWIGGY Church of SPAM Warren OH & WWW
http://www.grapevinenet.com/swiggy/
Prodigy Services. Comedy B B, Mem Rep
==================================================
| ,dP""8a "888888b, d8b "888b ,888" |
| 88b " 888 d88 dPY8b 88Y8b ,8888 |
| `"Y8888a 888ad8P' dPaaY8b 88 Y88P 888 |
| a, Y88 888 dP Y8b 88 YP 888 |
| `"8ad8P' a888a a88a; *a888aa88a a888a |
==================================================
whirled wide website
http://www.grapevinenet.com/swiggy
And the holy man was sent out into the desert for
to seek his lord. Instead he fried his brains like
SPAM in a skillet!
==================================================
Pastor SWIGGY answers all theological questions
concerning the ALMIGHTY SPAM. Write yours today!
==================================================
Peace and may God go with you on whatever path you
choose. Because my pathway to God may not be yours!
==================================================
Check out The JOKE-A-THON page
http://www.grapevinenet.com/swiggy/joke
John Hopkin
In article <m$oL.21$tq1.1...@reader1.cleveland.iagnet.net>, John N!
Swegan <swi...@grapevinenet.com> writes
>I actually worked for AT&T for several years, answering their customer service
>line along with several thousand other folks.
>
>At the time of my initial training, we were supposed to answer the phone by
>saying, "Thank you for calling AT&T! How can I provide you with excellent
>service?"
>
>I'm not kidding... this was back in1990!
>
>Did the constant drilling of this phrase work? We had to make an effort NOT to
>say it when we answered our home phones (Although it was a gas when MCI or
>SPRINT called us!)
>
>I knew they had drilled it into us too well, when one morning, about 3 AM, I
>sat up with a start, looked at my wife and said, in a panic, "Thank you for
>calling AT&T! How can I provide YOU with EXCELLENT service?"
>
>I won't say what the excellent service was that she made me provide her... but
>she wasn't all that bad, either!
I'm sorry - I don't get it - that's the way I always answer the phone,
except I don't work for AT&T, which does cause some confusion at times
--
John Hopkin
Derek J. Cashman
Actually, I rather like these:
"Heaven, God Speaking!"
"Thank you for dialing Hell, Lucifer speaking. Who in Hell do you want?"
"Microsoft Corporation, Bill Gates speaking."
"Republican Conspiracy Committee, this is Ken Starr! How may I help you?"
-- Derek Cashman (cas...@yahoo.com)
-- Editor; Wrecked Humor Collection
-- http://www.concentric.net/~dcashman/humor
Buck Satan
In article <2EIKhHAo1y$0E...@hopkin.demon.co.uk>, John Hopkin
<jo...@hopkin.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> I'm sorry - I don't get it - that's the way I always answer the phone,
> except I don't work for AT&T, which does cause some confusion at times
When I was in the Navy, just after I got out of boot camp, I would have to
stand watch at the Quarterdeck of the base. While on duty I had to answer
the phone like this:
"Good (morning/afternoon/etc), Seaman Apprentice Satan speaking. Thank
you for the calling the Fleet AntiSubmarine Warfare Training Center
Pacific. This is a non secure line. Can I help you, sir or ma'am?"
Now, considering that the line rang once or twice a minute and I had to
stand watch for four fucking hours, let me tell you this sucked ass.
Fucking military.
Buck
--
"Golf. It's like watching flies fuck."
-- George Carlin
Buck Satan
In article <6do1ne$9...@examiner.concentric.net>, "Derek J. Cashman"
<dcas...@NOSPAM.concentric.net> wrote:
> Actually, I rather like these:
>
> "Heaven, God Speaking!"
>
> "Thank you for dialing Hell, Lucifer speaking. Who in Hell do you want?"
>
> "Microsoft Corporation, Bill Gates speaking."
>
> "Republican Conspiracy Committee, this is Ken Starr! How may I help you?"
"Walt Disney Abortion Clinic - We bring out the kid in you!"
John N! Swegan
It would have scarred the Hell out of Folks if you didn't have to use your
rank... "Good Morning, Satan Speaking! Thank you for calling hell!"
Paul J. Higginbotham II
"Bob's abortionists, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em"
Anarchy
FLETCH
CheechWizard wrote:
>
> >Here's one a friend of mine a few years back came up with...
> >"Hello, Sherwood forest...Maid Marion speaking"
>
I read this on somebody's sig file a while back,
Incontenance hot line, could you please hold!
FLETCH
--
Note: to reply by e-mail, remove " .nospam " from my
address. FLETCH
Amanda Joann Huffman
Bob's 24 hour whore house....
(your last name)'s morgue, you stab 'em we slab 'em, got a new one?
Moore's Bar...
Your dime, my time spill it...
Speak....
You called me, now start talking...
Gernot Lachner
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> Tell me some good ones!
.. you stiff 'em we stuff 'em -
do a search on the subject, the thread was recently sucked dry
..
--
the BAT ~..~
CheechWizard
>Here's one a friend of mine a few years back came up with...
>"Hello, Sherwood forest...Maid Marion speaking"
..howz 'bout: 'hello mabels whorehouse, where
the customer always comes first'.........................
Nicole
In article <345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>,
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>Tell me some good ones!
Nicole
Rene Ramos
I'll get the ball rolling with the classics:
City Morgue:
You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
You kill 'em, we chill 'em.
You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.
bre...@cyberhighway.com
Paul J. Higginbotham II wrote:
>
> "Bob's abortionists, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em"
"Joe's Whorehouse, where the customer comes first"
Baldy
In article <345E90...@bbc.nospam.net>, ace...@bbc.nospam.net wrote:
>CheechWizard wrote:
>>
>> >Here's one a friend of mine a few years back came up with...
>> >"Hello, Sherwood forest...Maid Marion speaking"
>>
>
>
>Incontenance hot line, could you please hold!
>
Thank you for calling the alzeheimer's research uumm, uhhh
Frank E. Friedman
CheechWizard <loc...@a.titty.bar> wrote in article
<63l6qs$3...@hermes.acs.unt.edu>...
> >Here's one a friend of mine a few years back came up with...
> >"Hello, Sherwood forest...Maid Marion speaking"
>
> the customer always comes first'.........................
>
And for the Star Trek fans....
Enterprise... Kirk here
Richard Sparrow
carman ryan elijah wrote:
>
> Trajectory Sperm Bank, you squirt 'em we insert 'em.
>
> On Mon, 3 Nov 1997, Anarchy wrote:
>
> > What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > Tell me some good ones!
> >
> >
Hello, I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza please.
(this blows people's minds)
Hello, Netherhells day care center, you breed 'em, we lead 'em.
Hi, Lisi and Tara's Amputation clinic and bakery. We have a special
today on ladyfingers.
Angel
A
carman ryan elijah
Necromancer
These are actually in daily use by our Student Club:
Hello, wrong number!
Hello, Vulcan Central Command!
Hello, Altar of Sin!
Hello, House of Satan, Lucifer speaking!
Speak!
and my own,
Hello, House of Evil!
It gets interesting when people's parents call :)
---
jOANNE wOJTYSIAK joa...@cs.ualberta.ca
nECROMANCER
You don't take LSD to expand your consciousness.
You take it to turn your toaster into a home entertainment centre.
Dargaud Guillaume
Anarchy wrote:
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
In French (but you might get it):
answer the phone saying: "- Sardine !"
caller: "Allo ???"
"Mais non, à l'huile..."
OK, not really tasteless...
---------------------------------
Guillaume "Kill Your TV" Dargaud
http://sung3.ifsi.rm.cnr.it/~dargaud/Humor/QuotesSexual.html#Sex
"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous and the expense
damnable." — Earl of Chesterfield about sex
Brian Nixon
How 'bout "Kelly's Pool Hall. Who in the hall do ya want?"
Or "Wolf's Abortion Clinic. YOu rape 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us!"
or "House of Lords; God speaking..."
patrick kelly
Hello, County Abortion Clinic, you rape 'em, we scrap 'em, no fetus can
beat us
Richard Sparrow <rspa...@ipa.net> wrote in article
<346223...@ipa.net>...
> carman ryan elijah wrote:
> >
> > Trajectory Sperm Bank, you squirt 'em we insert 'em.
> >
> > On Mon, 3 Nov 1997, Anarchy wrote:<snip>
Bobby Killsmith
Abortion clinic...you rape'em, we scrape'em.
> Hello city pound...you tag them or we snag them...
>
> Hello Jakes Bird Santuary...they tweet or their meat...
>
>
> On Thu, 6 Nov 1997, Richard Sparrow wrote:
>
CdBd3rd
> > What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
"Suicide hotline - hold please..."
--
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Devo] Remembers F.o.C. on 8-Track!
[G.W.] REVEL IN THE DIVINE RADIANT GLORY !!!
[Gary] CdB...@Worldnet.ATT.Net
http://home.att.net/~cdbd3rd/home.html
hellowk...@gmail.com
"Hello, City Morgue, you kill'em, we chill 'em."
Bit Twister
> My teacher was called by my other teacher the other day and answered.
> "Hello, City Morgue, you kill'em, we chill 'em."
candymanal
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
You rape 'em
We scrape 'em.
No fetus
Can beat us.
Ṃᴆ
> My teacher was called by my other teacher the other day and
> answered. "Hello, City Morgue, you kill'em, we chill 'em."
Ṃᴆ
inept C&Per of other people's likely copyrighted crap
Ṃᴆ
pretty much exhausts anything else worth commenting
myfictitiouslife
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> Tell me some good ones!
(I have no clue where that's from, but I find it funny :) )
tomberg...@gmail.com
> I'll get the ball rolling with the classics:
>
> City Morgue:
>
> You kill 'em, we chill 'em.
>
>
>
> > What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > Tell me some good ones!
tomberg...@gmail.com
tomberg...@gmail.com
> County morgue you stab um, we slab um.
> Water works, head drip speaking.
> Sherwood forest, Robin hood speaking.
good one! :D
tomberg...@gmail.com
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> Tell me some good ones!
No matter how you rack your balls, we do a better job!
---- Also -----
My dad says; "Hola Paco Katal."
stacimo...@gmail.com
missyp...@gmail.com
Ṃᴆ
> On Thu, 16 Mar 2017 18:21:01 -0700 (PDT), missyp...@gmail.com
> wrote:
>
>> Charlie's whore house you got the dough we got the hoe
>
I vaguely remember running across that name somewhere in the archives
Ṃᴆ
> On Mon, 27 Mar 2017 22:07:35 -0600, ??
> <mAd...@pNeUmAtIcFlAtRiVeTjAcKhAmMeR.cOm> wrote:
>>> On Thu, 16 Mar 2017 18:21:01 -0700 (PDT), missyp...@gmail.com
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Charlie's whore house you got the dough we got the hoe
>>>
>>> <sigh> Big Emma is sorely missed...
>>
>> I vaguely remember running across that name somewhere in the
>> archives
>
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>> From: Big Emma Herself (Big_Emma_@_De_Ho_House) Subject: Letter
>> From Saphire Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Date: 1999/05/09
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
good stuff
wondering if it was DDA considering the volume
Ṃᴆ
> On Tue, 4 Apr 2017 14:47:26 -0600, ??
> <mAd...@pNeUmAtIcFlAtRiVeTjAcKhAmMeR.cOm> wrote:
>>>>>> Charlie's whore house you got the dough we got the hoe
>>>>>
>>>>> <sigh> Big Emma is sorely missed...
>>>>
>>>> I vaguely remember running across that name somewhere in the
>>>> archives
>>>
>>> Enjoy:
>>>
>>> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>> From: Big Emma Herself (Big_Emma_@_De_Ho_House) Subject: Letter
>>>> From Saphire Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes Date: 1999/05/09
>>> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>>
>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> good stuff
>>
>> wondering if it was DDA considering the volume
>
then it must've been Cheech or someone before me because I can't
remember anyone else who'd put in that kind of work, volume-wise
Catto could rattle off the volume, but he didn't have that level of talent
blacklig...@gmail.com
iheartb...@gmail.com
Town hit man , you wife 'em, we dice 'em