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Wanted: other terms for masturbation

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Jeremy Rae

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Oct 23, 1994, 11:11:58 PM10/23/94
to
Simon Bereux (ko...@melbourne.DIALix.oz.au) wrote:
> I was just scratching it......

Honest, I was just cleaning it and it went off...

Chrishantan Krishan

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Oct 28, 1994, 11:27:07 AM10/28/94
to
In article <Cy5q7...@news.otago.ac.nQ>,

Thats a good 1.
--
- Krishan Chrishantan
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~
* Live fast, Die young and leave a good looking corpse! *
`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

Andrew Patrick

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Oct 30, 1994, 10:23:38 PM10/30/94
to

References: <37jnan$3...@beta.qmw.ac.uk> <386m6t...@news.gac.edu> <willardC...@netcom.com>
Sender: ap06...@sju.edu (Andrew Patrick)
Followup-To: article 43761

Organization: Saint Joseph's University


There's billions of 'em:
Beat your meat, flog your log, shuck your corn, audition your finger-puppets,
shine your helmet, stroke your twinkie, corall your tadpoles, squeeze your
cheese-dog, jerk-off, beat-off, smack-off, wack-off, play pocket-pool, have
a one-night-stand with yourself, uuuuuuuhh...well, maybe not billions...

I challenge anyone to come up with more (Hey "come"! there's another one...)

-Ramblin' Guy

Nicholas Fisher

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Nov 1, 1994, 3:07:58 PM11/1/94
to
Timothy L. Campbell (bio...@cabell.vcu.edu) wrote:

: With credit to George Carlin:

: Waxing the dolphin
: Beating the bishop
: Getting your pole varnished
: Choking the chicken
: Spanking the wank
: Jerking the gherkin
: Pulling your pud
: Beating your meat

How about:-

Five knuckle shuffle (on the ol piss pump)
Floggin yer log

Nick

T J Hempleman

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Nov 2, 1994, 8:07:46 PM11/2/94
to

: There's billions of 'em:

: Beat your meat, flog your log, shuck your corn, audition your finger-puppets,
: shine your helmet, stroke your twinkie, corall your tadpoles, squeeze your
: cheese-dog, jerk-off, beat-off, smack-off, wack-off, play pocket-pool, have
: a one-night-stand with yourself, uuuuuuuhh...well, maybe not billions...

: I challenge anyone to come up with more (Hey "come"! there's another one...)

: -Ramblin' Guy
two common ones are jerkin the gerkin and choking (sp?) the chicken,
but i must say i take my hat off to 'whipping the rat'.

Michelle McNair

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Nov 7, 1994, 3:42:38 PM11/7/94
to

Sorry, I'm a newbie and this is my first post, but I couldn't resist
passing this one from my English Grandmother along . . .
"Punch the Clown"
Michelle

Andrew Patrick

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Nov 8, 1994, 10:33:38 AM11/8/94
to
References: <purcell.783222037@Avian> <39707n$j...@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> <Pine.ULT.3.90a.941102145005.19518M-100000@rowan>

Followup-To: foreplay, je pense...
Distribution: everywhere and nowhere (I ran out, ok?)


Organization: Saint Joseph's University

Keywords: Round the rough and rugged rocks the ragged rascal rudely ran...

I forgot one:
Having a tug-of-war with cyclops.

Tugs and misses,
Ramblin' Guy

phas...@charlie.usd.edu

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Nov 8, 1994, 1:56:05 PM11/8/94
to

What about "playing tug-o-war with Cyclopse (the Eye being your bellybutton)"

Philip Thompson

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Nov 9, 1994, 8:58:53 AM11/9/94
to
In <Cyypx...@sunfish.usd.edu> phas...@charlie.usd.edu writes:

Hand Shandy, 5-knuckle-shuffle, dating Palm & her 5 sisters...

All the best,
Phil

*****************************************************************
* Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him. *
*****************************************************************

Joseph W. Rowan

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Nov 9, 1994, 4:25:19 PM11/9/94
to
What about 'chokin' the chicken'?

---

Joseph W. Rowan

Javier Castillo

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Nov 11, 1994, 9:33:05 PM11/11/94
to


What about: "Galloping the old lizard"

Jim Eley

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Oct 30, 1994, 8:44:50 PM10/30/94
to
In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.941107124132.19285S-100000@chip>, Michelle
McNair <ez04...@peseta.ucdavis.edu> wrote:

> Sorry, I'm a newbie and this is my first post, but I couldn't resist
> passing this one from my English Grandmother along . . .
> "Punch the Clown"
> Michelle

How about, "Whippin' the one-eyed trouser snake"?

and by the way that's "Dating _Rosie_ Palm and her five sisters"

--Jim--

jim...@infinet.com - Don't dream it...be it.
_______________________________________________

Lawrence Adam Rubin

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Nov 12, 1994, 1:18:23 AM11/12/94
to

Putting the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever

Slappin the purple headed yogurt pistol


--
-----

, ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,-----. ,
_/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o o___O/_\_
||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz / \`~||
LL /___________\ /___________\ ||
| | | |

Iain P. Grier

unread,
Nov 14, 1994, 5:24:24 PM11/14/94
to
In article <3a1mnf$a...@darkstar.UCSC.EDU>,

Lawrence Adam Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> wrote:
>--
>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,-----. ,
>_/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o o___O/_\_
>||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz / \`~||
>LL /___________\ /___________\ ||
> | | | |

Ah...this takes me back to the early 80's. Oh if I could have back the
quarters I spent on that game:



>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,-----. ,
>_/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o o___O/_\_
>||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz / \`~||
>LL /___________\ /___________\ ||
> | | | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,-----. ,
> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o o___O/_\_
> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz / \`~||
> LL /___________\ /___________\ ||
> | | | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,-----. ,
> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o o___O/_
> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz / \`~
> LL /___________\ /___________\
> | | | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,-----.
> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o o__
> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz /

> LL /___________\ /_________


> | | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu> ,--

> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant / o

> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz /

> LL /___________\ /_____


> | | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.edu>

> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant

> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz /

> LL /___________\ /_


> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <lar...@cats.ucsc.

> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant

> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cruz

> LL /___________\
> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <larubin@cats.u


> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant

> ||~'/ \ University of California, Santa Cr

> LL /___________\
> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <larubin@ca


> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant

> ||~'/ \ University of California, Sant

> LL /___________\
> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <larubi


> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant

> ||~'/ \ University of California,

> LL /___________\


> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin <la

> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consultant

> ||~'/ \ University of Californ
> LL /___________\


> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Rubin

> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Consul

> ||~'/ \ University of Cali
> LL /___________\


> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A. Ru

> _/_\O___o o \ ICL Student Co

> ||~'/ \ University of
> LL /___________\
> | |
>

>-----
>
> , ,-----. Lawrence A
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> LL /___________\
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Hey, cool. I've cleared two screens now. In later postings I'll do
animations of Defender, Starcastle and Galaga...

Iain

nbnet.nb.ca

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Nov 15, 1994, 7:58:06 AM11/15/94
to
In article <3a1mnf$a...@darkstar.UCSC.EDU>, lar...@cats.ucsc.edu (Lawrence Adam Rubin) says:
>
>Pullin' the balogny pony

Patrick Lee Henry

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Nov 16, 1994, 2:03:01 AM11/16/94
to
Jim Eley (jim...@infinet.com) wrote:
: In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.941107124132.19285S-100000@chip>, Michelle
: McNair <ez04...@peseta.ucdavis.edu> wrote:

: > Sorry, I'm a newbie and this is my first post, but I couldn't resist
: > passing this one from my English Grandmother along . . .
: > "Punch the Clown"
: > Michelle

>>> Anyone heard of "Pumping one's stump" ?
>>> Or perhaps the British "Buggering hand".

-PLH

: How about, "Whippin' the one-eyed trouser snake"?

5868...@kentvm.kent.edu

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Nov 17, 1994, 4:58:46 PM11/17/94
to
Hey, how about these?
-spanking the monkey
-stroking it
-slamming the salami
-milking oneself
-choking the chicken (no plug intended)
-pounding one's pud
-(Andrew Dice Clay) "...the five knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe!"
-jizzlobbing
-fist fuck
-hand job
-solo flight
-relieving tension
-getting off
-twisting yer crank

Mikael Ahlstroem

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Nov 18, 1994, 5:47:14 AM11/18/94
to
In article <3acar5$j...@dns1.NMSU.Edu>, phe...@nmsu.edu (Patrick Lee Henry)
wrote:

What about: manual laborer
hard labor
shooting for the moon

Theme song: I Did It My Way

li...@zeus.datasrv.co.il

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Nov 19, 1994, 6:14:42 AM11/19/94
to
Philip Thompson (pthm...@tcd.ie) wrote:
: In <Cyypx...@sunfish.usd.edu> phas...@charlie.usd.edu writes:

: >In article <Cyo34...@cerc.wvu.edu>, t...@cerc.wvu.edu (T J Hempleman) writes:
: >>
: >>: There's billions of 'em:
: >>: Beat your meat, flog your log, shuck your corn, audition your finger-puppets,
: >>: shine your helmet, stroke your twinkie, corall your tadpoles, squeeze your
: >>: cheese-dog, jerk-off, beat-off, smack-off, wack-off, play pocket-pool, have
: >>: a one-night-stand with yourself, uuuuuuuhh...well, maybe not billions...
: >>
: >>: I challenge anyone to come up with more (Hey "come"! there's another one...)
: >>
: >>: -Ramblin' Guy
: >>two common ones are jerkin the gerkin and choking (sp?) the chicken,
: >>but i must say i take my hat off to 'whipping the rat'.

: >What about "playing tug-o-war with Cyclopse (the Eye being your bellybutton)"

: Hand Shandy, 5-knuckle-shuffle, dating Palm & her 5 sisters...

: All the best, : Phil

- How about 'Slapping the Salame'

john r. fleming

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Nov 19, 1994, 12:49:00 PM11/19/94
to
"Waxing the Dolphin" and "Jerkin' the Gherkin" are both pretty good.
(Heard them at a Carlin concert)

-J

--
John Fleming
Tanstaafl! jrfl...@firefly.prairienet.org
fle...@krypton.che.ilstu.edu

pdj

unread,
Nov 20, 1994, 2:49:35 AM11/20/94
to
Beatin' the meat

Pullin' the pud

Goin' blind

wacking willy

the list goes on

da'pet

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Nov 21, 1994, 7:48:12 PM11/21/94
to
pdj (p...@accubid.com) wrote:
: Beatin' the meat

: Pullin' the pud

: Goin' blind

: wacking willy

: the list goes on
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Best one yet!

Dan Drazen

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Nov 23, 1994, 12:26:54 PM11/23/94
to
When Pee Wee Herman got busted in FL, Chicago DJ Kevin Matthews did a
parody of "I Touch Myself" by DiVinyl. Some of the terms used in the
song:

Jerkin' Jamby
Burpin' the worm
Pumpin' the stump
Shellacin' the shelaleigh
Milkin' the moose
Spankin' Frank (or Spankin' Elvis)

OK, I'll quit now.


Christopher Engebretson

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Nov 23, 1994, 7:40:28 PM11/23/94
to
#n+1) "Beating the Bishop"
(Source: G.Carlin, "Carlin at Carnegie")
#n+2) "Milking the Lizard"
(Source: "Picket Fences")
.
.
.

And so on

Brad Thompson

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Nov 23, 1994, 10:40:34 PM11/23/94
to
In article <3arf4c$2...@news1.shell> dap...@shell.portal.com (da'pet) writes:
>Path: newsman.csu.murdoch.edu.au!news.uwa.edu.au!harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au!bunyip.cc.uq.oz.au!munnari.oz.au!spool.mu.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!swrinde!pipex!uunet!svc.portal.com!shell.portal.com!jobe.shell.portal.com!dapete
>From: dap...@shell.portal.com (da'pet)
>Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
>Subject: Re: Wanted: other terms for masturbation
>Followup-To: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
>Date: 22 Nov 1994 00:48:12 GMT
>Organization: Portal Communications (shell)
>Lines: 11
>Message-ID: <3arf4c$2...@news1.shell>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: jobe.shell.portal.com
>X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
>Xref: newsman.csu.murdoch.edu.au rec.humor:59917 alt.tasteless.jokes:32351

>: Pullin' the pud

>: Goin' blind

>: wacking willy

Dating Mrs. Palmer and Her Five Daughters

but I still like the old Aussie fallback:

Wanking

Q. How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, they're waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct
the lighting disequilibrium.
- - - - - - - - - Brad Thompson, Lecturer in Finance
| _--_|\ | Commerce & Econ. Murdoch University
| / \ | Perth, Western Australia, 6150
| *_.--._/ | E-mail bra...@csuvax1.murdoch.edu.au
| v | Phone +61 9 310 6275
- - - - - - - - - Fax: +61 9 310 5004

Justin Dillon

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Nov 24, 1994, 10:47:56 AM11/24/94
to
How about:

Flogging the bishop,

Chokin' the chicken,

Tangnes, Engebret

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Nov 24, 1994, 11:20:43 AM11/24/94
to
>Flogging the bishop,
>Chokin' the chicken,
>Shakin' the sauce.

How about a couple of new ones!

I can sad Y the "complete" list ...


Engebret Tangnes, HIS, Stavanger, Norway

================================= EOF ===============================

jonathan blain

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Nov 25, 1994, 2:56:02 PM11/25/94
to
In <3b0nds$1...@news.duke.edu> cda...@acpub.duke.edu (Christopher Engebretson) writes:

>#n+1) "Beating the Bishop"
> (Source: G.Carlin, "Carlin at Carnegie")
>#n+2) "Milking the Lizard"
> (Source: "Picket Fences")
>.

Spanking the monkey, Flogging your log,
~:wq

Nicole Armstrong

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Nov 27, 1994, 2:44:22 AM11/27/94
to
>: Beatin' the meat
>
>: Pullin' the pud
>
>: Goin' blind
>
>: wacking willy
>
>: the list goes on


Clearing the snorkel :-)

Adam

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Nov 27, 1994, 4:58:55 PM11/27/94
to
somebody left out the best one:

ELECTING THE PRESIDENT

takes on an even more significant meaning with Clinton in office!


-Pole

KDAHL...@news.delphi.com

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Nov 27, 1994, 9:47:38 PM11/27/94
to
Shaking hands with Yul Brenner

Brett Cooper

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Nov 29, 1994, 9:30:24 AM11/29/94
to
Jerkin the gerkin.

The five knuckle shuffle.

Tugging the slug.

Pipping the pumpkin.

Whipping the stiff.

Palm the calm.

Playing with Mrs Palm and her 5 daughters.

Goin' the blow.


Gordon Mckinnon

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Nov 29, 1994, 3:47:18 PM11/29/94
to
cuffing the carrot

Jeffrey Robert King

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Nov 29, 1994, 4:30:45 PM11/29/94
to
More jerk-off slang!!!!

Peelin' some chiles
Waxing the surfboard
Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln
Sanding wood
Tickling the ivory
Washing the meat
Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
Frosting the pastry
Stirring the batter
Defrosting the fridge
Polishing the sword

HEEHEEHEE!

Neil "Nails" Cochran

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Nov 30, 1994, 6:39:58 PM11/30/94
to

On 24 Nov 1994, Brad Thompson wrote:

> In article <3arf4c$2...@news1.shell> dap...@shell.portal.com (da'pet) writes:
> >Path: newsman.csu.murdoch.edu.au!news.uwa.edu.au!harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au!bunyip.cc.uq.oz.au!munnari.oz.au!spool.mu.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!swrinde!pipex!uunet!svc.portal.com!shell.portal.com!jobe.shell.portal.com!dapete
> >From: dap...@shell.portal.com (da'pet)
> >Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
> >Subject: Re: Wanted: other terms for masturbation
> >Followup-To: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
> >Date: 22 Nov 1994 00:48:12 GMT
> >Organization: Portal Communications (shell)
> >Lines: 11
> >Message-ID: <3arf4c$2...@news1.shell>
> >NNTP-Posting-Host: jobe.shell.portal.com
> >X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
> >Xref: newsman.csu.murdoch.edu.au rec.humor:59917 alt.tasteless.jokes:32351
>

> >: Beatin' the meat
>
> >: Pullin' the pud
>
> >: Goin' blind
>
> >: wacking willy
>
> >: the list goes on
> > ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Best one yet!
>
> Dating Mrs. Palmer and Her Five Daughters
>
> but I still like the old Aussie fallback:
>
> Wanking
>
>
>
> Q. How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
> A. None, they're waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct
> the lighting disequilibrium.
>

flogging the bishop
five knuckle shuffle
that crazy hand jive
digitally oscillating one's penis
punchin' the munchkin
preparing the carrot
pulling your own leg
strainin' the main vein
petting the lizard
kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
whittling the stick
being your own best friend
tossing yogurt
taunting the one-eyed weasle
unloading the gun
cranking the love pump
slap salami
shake hands with Abe Lincoln
wind surfing on Mount Baldy
frosting the pastries
just jerkin' it
loving the muppet
getting chafed
rubbing the pink eraser
pocket pool
playing skin flute
playing a one stringed guitar
one gun salute
looking for ticks
shake the sausage
ticklewigglejigglepickle
taming the shrew
much goo about nothing
Romeo and Himself
Loves labors lost
solo marathon
fly fishing
talk quietly to yourself
secret handshake

Neil "I have too much time to myself" Cochran

Oglesby H. Young IV

unread,
Nov 30, 1994, 6:22:25 PM11/30/94
to
My personal favorite:

SHAKING HANDS WITH THE UNEMPLOYED

Paul Sweitzer

unread,
Dec 1, 1994, 9:25:59 AM12/1/94
to
In article <3bj1fh$v...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>, Oglesby.H...@dartmouth.edu (Oglesby H. Young IV) says:
>
>My personal favorite:
>
>SHAKING HANDS WITH THE UNEMPLOYED

How 'bout "Dating Miss Michigan"

Syd

unread,
Dec 1, 1994, 9:48:49 AM12/1/94
to
Neil \"Nails\" Cochran (squ...@paul.spu.edu) wrote:

<chomp> (as it were)

: solo marathon


: fly fishing
: talk quietly to yourself
: secret handshake

: Neil "I have too much time to myself" Cochran

And there's still my fave (Frequently used by one L.Stubbings)

Playing the one-stringed melody


Katie Sehorn

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Dec 1, 1994, 2:13:23 PM12/1/94
to
In article <3bj1fh$v...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>,

Oglesby H. Young IV <Oglesby.H...@dartmouth.edu> wrote:
>My personal favorite:
>
>SHAKING HANDS WITH THE UNEMPLOYED

Wouldn't this be "self-employment"?

- Katie Sehorn

--
Send meaningful responses, hugs and flames to: seh...@willamette.edu
GMU/SS -d+ H+ s++:+ p? au-- a- w+ v** C++ N++ -po+ Y+ t(+)@ !5
N++ j+ G' !tv b+ !D B-- e+ u+** h+ f? r-- n+ x+(--)

Richard Cumings

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Dec 1, 1994, 12:11:21 PM12/1/94
to
In article <3bj1fh$v...@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>,

Oglesby.H...@dartmouth.edu (Oglesby H. Young IV) wrote:

> My personal favorite:
>
> SHAKING HANDS WITH THE UNEMPLOYED

"Wrestling with the bald champ."
--
Richard

David Covar

unread,
Dec 2, 1994, 4:58:22 PM12/2/94
to

Shaking hands with the unemployed.

--
+=========================================================================+
| Motorola Inc. Oakhill Test Systems and Network Administrator |
| David Covar (internet addr: co...@strider.sps.mot.com) |
| 6501 William Cannon Drive West MD: OE61 |

Joey Psycho

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Dec 3, 1994, 12:13:55 AM12/3/94
to

Spanking the monkey

Bop the bologna

Choke the chicken

_____________________________________________________________________________
@@@@@@@ @@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@ "You can't hug your
@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@@ kids with Nuclear
@@! @@@ !@@ @@! !@@ !@@ @@! @@@ @@! @@@ Arms, but you can
!@! @!@ !@! !@! @!! !@! !@! @!@ !@! @!@ really keep them
@!@@!@! !!@@!! !@!@! !@! @!@!@!@! @!@ !@! warm."
!!@!!! !!@!!! @!!! !!! !!!@!!!! !@! !!!
!!: !:! !!: :!! !!: !!! !!: !!! These views are
:!: !:! :!: :!: :!: !:! :!: !:! my own and not
:: :::: :: :: ::: ::: :: ::: ::::: :: necessarily those
: :: : : : :: :: : : : : : : : of the Air Force.
_____________________________________________________________________________

James Kenneth House

unread,
Dec 5, 1994, 3:52:58 AM12/5/94
to
There's always one of my fav's:

Stroking the mole.

Peter Matthews

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Nov 26, 1994, 4:31:10 AM11/26/94
to
bra...@csuvax1.murdoch.edu.au (Brad Thompson) wrote:
>
> In article <3arf4c$2...@news1.shell> dap...@shell.portal.com (da'pet) writes:
> >Path: newsman.csu.murdoch.edu.au!news.uwa.edu.au!harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au!bunyip.cc.uq.oz.au!munnari.oz.au!spool.mu.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!swrinde!pipex!uunet!svc.portal.com!shell.portal.com!jobe.shell.portal.com!dapete
> >From: dap...@shell.portal.com (da'pet)
> >Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
> >Subject: Re: Wanted: other terms for masturbation
> >Followup-To: rec.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes
> >Date: 22 Nov 1994 00:48:12 GMT
> >Organization: Portal Communications (shell)
> >Lines: 11
> >Message-ID: <3arf4c$2...@news1.shell>
> >NNTP-Posting-Host: jobe.shell.portal.com
> >X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
> >Xref: newsman.csu.murdoch.edu.au rec.humor:59917 alt.tasteless.jokes:32351

Beating the pud
twanging the wire
tossing the snag
punishing Percy in the palm
shaking hands with the wife's best friend

etc..

mi...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca

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Dec 5, 1994, 11:44:23 PM12/5/94
to
Peter Matthews (pjm...@apanix.apana.org.au) wrote:

B D Montbleau

unread,
Dec 7, 1994, 3:16:05 PM12/7/94
to

George Carlin has made a list of terms for both male and female
masterbation. I don't have my list with me, but a few male
masterbation terms spring to mind.

Flogging your dong
beat the bishop
beat the meat
paddle the pickle
milking the lizard
choking the chicken
hitchhiking underneath the big top (you kind of have to picture the
sheets making a tent above the knees with the thumb pointing up
underneath)
Choking the sherriff and waiting for the posse to come (my favorite term)
Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
Jerk the Girkin
Beat the balogna
One man band
Pocket pool

Bill

Hubert Millar Walker III

unread,
Dec 9, 1994, 4:36:16 PM12/9/94
to

Polishing the rock-hard staff of St. Peter

Feeding the ducks

Stroking the lily (female)

Working things out

Passing on the graham crackers (this one involves a little history:
graham crackers were invented for the sole purpose of 'curing'
masturbation in young boys. It was thought that they were nutritionally
deficient, and eating properly would fix their problem)

Excercising one's right

Taking the fifth


...........................

hmwa...@uclink.berkeley.edu

"Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff."

...........................


D. Citron

unread,
Dec 11, 1994, 4:16:11 AM12/11/94
to
And the #1 trendy term for masturbation among the Washington elite is:

JocelynEldering !!!

JayBird

unread,
Dec 11, 1994, 4:41:21 PM12/11/94
to
Don't forget

Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops

And what about this one?

Have one off the wrist

It's from the MP song Brian. It sure sounds like it
(and in context it's about right). I thought it might be
one of those whacky british terms.


J. Pierce
jpi...@tamu.edu

John Muller

unread,
Dec 16, 1994, 1:23:45 PM12/16/94
to

> Passing on the graham crackers (this one involves a little history:
> graham crackers were invented for the sole purpose of 'curing'
> masturbation in young boys. It was thought that they were nutritionally
> deficient, and eating properly would fix their problem)
>

Got any referances for this?

Jerry Magilton

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Dec 16, 1994, 3:54:46 AM12/16/94
to
In article <3bukda$1e...@coyote.csusm.edu> prea...@csusm.edu (James Kenneth House) writes:
> There's always one of my fav's:
>
>Stroking the mole.
>

Cuppin' the Bishop...
--
*******************************************************************************
Jerry 'Go that way REALLY fast...If Something gets in your way
Magilton TURN!'
*******************************************************************************

dko...@uoft02.utoledo.edu

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Dec 16, 1994, 2:56:25 AM12/16/94
to
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Choking the bald guy until he pukes?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
| Dave "The Tank" Kozina | |
| dko...@uoft02.utoledo.edu | |
| | (This space for rent) |
| Kappa Kappa Psi - Beta Rho (Pledge) | |
| I've got your (noun) RIGHT HERE! | |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

~~~~Steve~~~~

unread,
Dec 16, 1994, 7:20:22 PM12/16/94
to

Here's a funny term for masturbation:

Jacking off.

Joshua E. Rowr

unread,
Dec 15, 1994, 4:41:30 PM12/15/94
to
Punching the munchin
five on one
rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel


--
Quinn the Eskimo

Dimitri Vulis

unread,
Dec 18, 1994, 12:05:38 PM12/18/94
to
magi...@netcom.com (Jerry Magilton) writes:
> In article <3bukda$1e...@coyote.csusm.edu> prea...@csusm.edu (James Kenneth H
> > There's always one of my fav's:
> >
> >Stroking the mole.
>
> Cuppin' the Bishop...

Milking the bull
(dairy farm humor)

---
d...@bwalk.dm.com (Dimitri Vulis)
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps

Philip B. D'oronzio

unread,
Dec 19, 1994, 6:17:07 AM12/19/94
to
Not exactly right, but in the ballpark...Graham thought that
all spices and flavor in foods contributed to dissipation and
sexual license, so he came up with Graham crackers a treatment
for overt sensuality...he was trying to impose utopia through
diet.

I have references: try Levenstein, _Revolution at the Table_
(New York: Oxford University Press, 1988).

objoke:

how many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?

I donno, but it only takes one to make a lampshade.
--
Phil d'Oronzio *** Dept. of History, UVA *** pb...@virginia.edu
Some of the more environmentally aware dinosaurs were concerned about the
possibility of an accident at the new irridium-enriched fusion reactor:
"If she blows, no one but the mammals and cockroaches will survive!"

Bill Boyer

unread,
Dec 19, 1994, 5:22:12 PM12/19/94
to
Joshua E. Rowr (jr...@orion.it.luc.edu) wrote:
: Punching the munchin

: five on one
: rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel

spankin' the monkey
tweakin' the twig
choking the chicken
pullin' the pud
polishing the rod

KENNETH WEISS

unread,
Dec 20, 1994, 7:23:00 AM12/20/94
to

|-----------------|Wea...@dfw.Net wrote:
WW>spankin' the monkey
WW>tweakin' the twig
WW>choking the chicken
WW>pullin' the pud
WW>polishing the rod
|-----------------|Ken Weiss replied:

And let's not forget these gems:

Jerkin' the gherkin'
Slapping the weasel
Tweaking the knob
Stroking old smokey


-= *Ken* =- kennet...@moondog.com

... Get down and funky with your mama and your monkey!
---
* OLX/TLX *

gary....@the-spa.com

unread,
Dec 20, 1994, 7:19:41 PM12/20/94
to

There's a song by The Pajama Slave Dancers called "Spank The Moose" that is
loaded with them. I'll have to listen to it and get the full list.

Roman

unread,
Dec 21, 1994, 1:52:25 AM12/21/94
to


flapping your jack
jacking your lumber

Abhrajit Ghosh

unread,
Dec 21, 1994, 12:45:46 PM12/21/94
to
Roman (ring...@ix.netcom.com) wrote:

: In <3d512k$r...@dfw.net> wea...@dfw.net (Bill Boyer) writes:

: >
: >Joshua E. Rowr (jr...@orion.it.luc.edu) wrote:
: >: Punching the munchin
: >: five on one
: >: rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel

Too Complex!!

: >
: >spankin' the monkey


: >tweakin' the twig
: >choking the chicken
: >pullin' the pud
: >polishing the rod
: >
: >


: flapping your jack
: jacking your lumber

IMHO>

slapping the salami
frying the frank

Glen Lewis

unread,
Dec 22, 1994, 5:25:23 PM12/22/94
to
In <3d9pka$c...@bingnet1.cc.binghamton.edu> aghosh@arcturus (Abhrajit
Ghosh) writes:

Flogging the dolphin
Loaping the mule
Pumpin' the python

The Fulcrum Group

unread,
Dec 23, 1994, 8:04:04 AM12/23/94
to
polishing the purple helmet

taming the bald avenger

choking the chicken

Garry Walsh

unread,
Dec 20, 1994, 7:59:46 PM12/20/94
to
magi...@netcom.com (Jerry Magilton) wrote:
>

[old post deleted]

>
> Cuppin' the Bishop...
> --

How about :

Strangle the parrot with a back-handed panther grip.

Scott Steves

unread,
Dec 30, 1994, 3:38:42 PM12/30/94
to
In article <3d7um2$h...@fang.dsto.gov.au>, Garry Walsh
<wa...@scm.dsto.gov.au> wrote:

> Strangle the parrot with a back-handed panther grip.\

Heimlich the monkey?

____________________________________________________________________
sco...@bga.com
__________________ Beware the Monkey Demon, Wong!___________________

DamonBock

unread,
Dec 31, 1994, 1:37:18 PM12/31/94
to
Waxing the Dolphin
'Doing what needs to be done'
'Doing what comes naturally'
-All three references from the GreaseMan, a DJ who used to be on DC-101 in
the MD/VA area, now a syndicated DJ on the Infinity Broadcasting Company.

-db

d_br...@delphi.com

unread,
Dec 31, 1994, 3:03:01 PM12/31/94
to
My brother-in-law sez:

boxing the clown
make the bald man puke

or how about

spankin hank

shu...@halcyon.com

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Dec 31, 1994, 4:57:43 PM12/31/94
to
(Thanks to the National Lampoon)

Taking an albino pleasure piss.

Regards,

Shummer/Olympia

Richard Parry

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Dec 31, 1994, 6:46:00 PM12/31/94
to
In article <3e4k4n$1...@news.halcyon.com>, <shu...@halcyon.com> wrote:

> Taking an albino pleasure piss.

There's also:

Choking the chicken
Beating the monkey
Stronking the Pope

...Taken from a movie that I can't remember the name of, but it had Louis
Gossett Jr in it.

Later!


Wolf

unread,
Jan 4, 1995, 12:10:15 AM1/4/95
to

I always liked "burping the turtle," which would be a lot more vivid for
those of you who aren't circumsized. And how about "jerkin' the gherkin"
or "shaking hand with the unemployed"? And why aren't there more crude
terms about female masturbation?

And why aren't you posting this in alt.sex instead of here?

And why do you want these terms anyhow?

Well, I suppose it's like Woody Allen said:

"Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love."

knock yourself out,
Wolf

Nicholas West

unread,
Jan 11, 1995, 6:31:07 AM1/11/95
to
How about these,

Playing with Mrs Palmer and her five daughters
or
Playing the flesh flute
or
The five Knuckle chuckle

--
Nicholas West

Meaghan Duthie

unread,
Jan 12, 1995, 11:30:49 AM1/12/95
to
how about:

"Stirring the soup until it boils"

[for women, in case you turds couldn't figure it out]

meeeeegun

James E. Gustafson

unread,
Jan 25, 1995, 4:25:56 PM1/25/95
to
>> In article <3bukda$1e...@coyote.csusm.edu> prea...@csusm.edu (James
Kenneth H>> > There's always one of my fav's:
>> >
>> >Stroking the mole.
>>
>> Cuppin' the Bishop...
>
>Milking the bull

Don't forget,

Jack 'n the Beanstalk
Punchin' the Munchkin
Please the Weasel

James.

Kevin Davis

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Jan 26, 1995, 5:58:33 PM1/26/95
to
In article <james-gustafso...@augustana.edu>,

Chokin' the chicken

--
Member, CSMC. Waging war on the information cartels. For more
information, contact above member.

Thomas David Mcgarry

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Jan 28, 1995, 4:14:41 PM1/28/95
to
waging the war of the priests...

Kevin Hartnell

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Jan 28, 1995, 10:43:41 PM1/28/95
to
Kevin Davis (kev...@usit.net) wrote:

: > >> >Stroking the mole.


: > >> Cuppin' the Bishop...
: > >Milking the bull

: > Jack 'n the Beanstalk


: > Punchin' the Munchkin
: > Please the Weasel

: Chokin' the chicken

Jerkin' The Gerkin'
Boppin' The Bologna
Shakin' Hands With Shorty

Spanky

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Jan 29, 1995, 4:42:47 PM1/29/95
to

In article p...@canopus.cc.umanitoba.ca, umti...@cc.umanitoba.ca (Michael Robert Tinker) writes:
:In <790797...@knsc.demon.co.uk> Gra...@knsc.demon.co.uk (Grahame Fairall) writes:
:
:>Having sex with Mrs. Palm & her five daughters...
:
:How about, "Floggin' the Dolphin".


Spunk/Jiz Mining
Taffy pulling
Declaring your independance(sp?)


Spencer Graf

unread,
Jan 31, 1995, 4:01:27 PM1/31/95
to

If interested look at the "Aliterative Religious Euphemisms for Masturbation"

http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~werdna/alliteration.html

Spencer

trbcm

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Feb 2, 1995, 7:40:18 PM2/2/95
to
For all you hockey fans out there:

Pulling the goalie

Someone named Tim

unread,
Feb 2, 1995, 12:50:36 AM2/2/95
to
Has "Visiting Madam Palm and her five daughters" been offered yet?

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim Shoults ("There are some who call me.....Tim" - MP)
Faculte Saint-Jean, University of Alberta
Etudes canadiennes/Canadian Studies
"Get at it, boys, vote and keep on voting till they make you quit."
--Stephen Leacock
"Maudit cul!"
Michel Tremblay
-------------------------------------------------------------------

>

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Feb 4, 1995, 3:12:49 PM2/4/95
to
In <3gv0ij$j...@mozz.unh.edu>, j...@hopper.unh.edu (Jeffrey T Butler) writes:

>In article <kevind-2601...@199.1.60.216> kev...@usit.net (Kevin Davis) writes:
>>In article <james-gustafso...@augustana.edu>,
>>james-g...@augustana.edu (James E. Gustafson ) wrote:
>Crimpin' the carot

Pulling your pud.

=========================================================
John Bracken, ...My Brain's rebelled; It just won't accept nice things
Liverpool, happening to me ...
UK (Oracle UK)
-----------------------------
bra...@ibm.net
jbra...@uk.oracle.com
76251,2016@compuserve
=========================================================

Jeffrey T Butler

unread,
Feb 3, 1995, 11:41:55 PM2/3/95
to
In article <kevind-2601...@199.1.60.216> kev...@usit.net (Kevin Davis) writes:
>In article <james-gustafso...@augustana.edu>,
>james-g...@augustana.edu (James E. Gustafson ) wrote:
>
>> >> In article <3bukda$1e...@coyote.csusm.edu> prea...@csusm.edu (James
>> Kenneth H>> > There's always one of my fav's:
>> >> >
>> >> >Stroking the mole.
>> >>
>> >> Cuppin' the Bishop...
>> >
>> >Milking the bull
>>
>> Don't forget,
>>
>> Jack 'n the Beanstalk
>> Punchin' the Munchkin
>> Please the Weasel
>>
>> James.
>
>Chokin' the chicken
>

Crimpin' the carot

hgra...@ice.lakeheadu.ca

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Feb 9, 1995, 8:02:25 PM2/9/95
to
In article <3h927c$i...@no-names.nerdc.ufl.edu> pea...@grove.ufl.edu (Todd Julian Chambery) writes:
>From: pea...@grove.ufl.edu (Todd Julian Chambery)
>Subject: Re: Wanted: other terms for masturbation
>Date: 8 Feb 1995 00:11:24 GMT

>hoisting the wizzen mast


It might already be here but >> playing the skin flute <<

Patrick Wharton

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Feb 4, 1995, 12:55:48 PM2/4/95
to
In article <Pine.A32.3.91.950201...@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca>,

How about milk the Mamba?

DOUGLAPC

unread,
Feb 7, 1995, 8:47:39 AM2/7/95
to

>DOUGLAPC

>BASHING THE BISHOP
>JERKIN THE GERKIN
>SPANKING THE MONKEY
>HAVING A BARCLAYS.......(BANK...WANK)
>

pur...@bgnet.bgsu.edu

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Feb 7, 1995, 11:09:29 AM2/7/95
to
In article <3h0n41$f...@news-s01.ca.us.ibm.net>, bra...@ibm.net <John
Bracken> wrote:

WACKEN MY BRACKEN ... How's that one?

Todd Julian Chambery

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Feb 7, 1995, 7:11:24 PM2/7/95
to
hoisting the wizzen mast

Slime

unread,
Feb 7, 1995, 10:12:29 PM2/7/95
to
How about

Pullin the Pud
Drain the vain
Jammin the Spam

pete...@asb.com

unread,
Feb 10, 1995, 6:21:00 AM2/10/95
to

> : How about


>
> : Pullin the Pud
> : Drain the vain
> : Jammin the Spam
>

> How about this:
>
> "Shaking hands with the un-employed"


You forgot:
floggin' th dolphin
petting the one-eyed monster
Rosey and her 5 sisters
spanking the monkey
5 finger shuffle
playing with the piss pump


Bob Roberds

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Feb 12, 1995, 3:20:05 AM2/12/95
to
In <F53a1c...@electech.dialix.oz.au> da...@electech.dialix.oz.au
(David Carwana) writes:

>
>j...@hopper.unh.edu (Jeffrey T Butler) writes:
>

>> In article <kevind-2601...@199.1.60.216> kev...@usit.net
(Kevin Davi

>> >In article <james-gustafso...@augustana.edu>,
>> >james-g...@augustana.edu (James E. Gustafson ) wrote:

Some more from Beavis and Butt-Head:

Auditioning your finger puppets

Peelin some chilies

Having a tug-o-war with Cyclops

Donald Rossi

unread,
Feb 14, 1995, 3:47:57 AM2/14/95
to
>Some more from Beavis and Butt-Head:

>Auditioning your finger puppets

>Peelin some chilies

>Having a tug-o-war with Cyclops

Well, seeing as I have my B&B ensucklopedia handy, and little better to
do with my time, here's what's listed under "M":

Adjusting your set
Batting practice
Being your own best friend
Changing your oil
Cooking some sheet meat
Dishonorable discharge
Doing some one-arm pull-ups
Emptying the payload
Fathering some pleasure
Firing your squirt gun
Fist-kebabing
Freeing the willies
Getting your palm red
Going back to nature
Gunning the motor
Hitting the batsman
Homecoming
Honing the bone
Ironing some wrinkles
Junior olympic pole vaulting
Kunckling your knob
Launching the hand shuttle
Lectrifying the cattle prod
Letting some air out of your tire
Manning the cockpit
Mashing the monster
Measuring for condoms
Milking your banana
Peeling the carrot
Playing hand hockey
Playing the pipe organ
Pud wrestling
Punching your way into heaven
Roasting your weiner
Rolling your jam joint
Roughing up the suspect
Self-whittling
Sending out the troops
Shaking the thermometer
Shifting gears
Shooting some seeds
Snake charming
Soloing
Spear fishing
Speed Kneading
Spreading the mayo
Squeezing out the toothpaste
Staff Meeting
Taking a shake break
Taming your snake
Threading the needle
Throttle the bottle
Tossing the javelin
Tugging your tapioca tube
Tuning the antenna
Virtual sex
Visiting Mr. O
Walking the log
Wedding rehearsal
Whitewater wristing

Huh huh huh.
-don!

P.H.R. Van Zyl

unread,
Feb 15, 1995, 1:51:18 AM2/15/95
to
What about this one:
Pulling your wire
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
P.H.R. Van Zyl (Email: vzy...@alpha.unisa.ac.za)
University of South Africa
Pretoria, RSA
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the University

Callum Sword

unread,
Feb 16, 1995, 6:55:56 AM2/16/95
to
In article <hgrabowy.4...@ice.lakeheadu.ca>
hgra...@ice.lakeheadu.ca writes:

Thought that was a term for, ah, something else (as in "playing the pink oboe")?

Maclean Kay

unread,
Feb 16, 1995, 5:58:57 PM2/16/95
to
don't forget:
clearing the snorkel
chalking the cue stick
having one off the wrist
saving a tree
dating the palm sisters (or Mrs. Palm and her five lovely daughters)
the knuckle shuffle
polishing the blade
yanking the snake

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Maclean Kay Cheers, for I am drunk.

Email address: mk...@chat.carleton.ca

"She ain't pretty, she just looks that way."
-The Northern Pikes
"So I slept with a few green women...so what."
-Captain James T. Kirk
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Matthew T. Stratton

unread,
Feb 16, 1995, 10:46:28 PM2/16/95
to
David Carwana (da...@electech.dialix.oz.au) wrote:
: j...@hopper.unh.edu (Jeffrey T Butler) writes:

: > In article <kevind-2601...@199.1.60.216> kev...@usit.net (Kevin Davi
: > >In article <james-gustafso...@augustana.edu>,


: > >james-g...@augustana.edu (James E. Gustafson ) wrote:
: > >
: > >> >> In article <3bukda$1e...@coyote.csusm.edu> prea...@csusm.edu (James
: > >> Kenneth H>> > There's always one of my fav's:
: > >> >> >
: > >> >> >Stroking the mole.
: > >> >>
: > >> >> Cuppin' the Bishop...
: > >> >
: > >> >Milking the bull
: > >>
: > >> Don't forget,
: > >>
: > >> Jack 'n the Beanstalk
: > >> Punchin' the Munchkin
: > >> Please the Weasel
: > >>
: > >> James.
: > >
: > >Chokin' the chicken
: > >
: >
: > Crimpin' the carot

: >

: Flogging the log
: Feeding the chooks

i've always liked:
waking the wizard
playing pocket pool

--
===============================
|\---------------------------/| "Anyone capable of getting
|| Matthew Stratton || themselves made President
|| ma...@wwa.com || should on no account be
|| ma...@world.std.com || allowed to do the job."
|/---------------------------\| --Douglas Adams
===============================

Christopher Michael Jones

unread,
Feb 17, 1995, 2:46:36 PM2/17/95
to
Don't forget
Chokin' the chicken
and Flugin' the monkey

David Carwana

unread,
Feb 10, 1995, 11:58:38 PM2/10/95
to
j...@hopper.unh.edu (Jeffrey T Butler) writes:

> In article <kevind-2601...@199.1.60.216> kev...@usit.net (Kevin Davi

> >In article <james-gustafso...@augustana.edu>,
> >james-g...@augustana.edu (James E. Gustafson ) wrote:
> >
> >> >> In article <3bukda$1e...@coyote.csusm.edu> prea...@csusm.edu (James
> >> Kenneth H>> > There's always one of my fav's:
> >> >> >
> >> >> >Stroking the mole.
> >> >>
> >> >> Cuppin' the Bishop...
> >> >
> >> >Milking the bull
> >>
> >> Don't forget,
> >>
> >> Jack 'n the Beanstalk
> >> Punchin' the Munchkin
> >> Please the Weasel
> >>
> >> James.
> >
> >Chokin' the chicken
> >
>
> Crimpin' the carot
>

Flogging the log
Feeding the chooks

Matthew Ryan Horisk

unread,
Feb 8, 1995, 9:50:02 AM2/8/95
to
Slime (gr...@sticky.res.edu) wrote:
: How about

: Pullin the Pud
: Drain the vain
: Jammin the Spam

How about this:

Darrin M. Harvey

unread,
Feb 18, 1995, 5:51:15 PM2/18/95
to
>Chokin the chicken

>Yankin your doodle

>Spanking the monkey

>

Jean-Paul Burlock u

unread,
Feb 19, 1995, 2:53:37 AM2/19/95
to
Once I was told to "Go honk my chub". Don't know for sure what the
drunken idiot meant, but it sounds like it fits here.


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