Shitlist ::Updated

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shermanc

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Sep 8, 1993, 10:51:23 AM9/8/93
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Updated Sept. 8, 1993
===========================
THE COMPREHENSIVE SHIT LIST
===========================

1. Ghost shit--the kind where you feel the shit come out but there is no shit
in the toilet.

2. Clean shit--the kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there
is nothing on the toilet paper.

3. Wet shit--the kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it feels unwiped
so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so
you don't ruin your pants with a stain.

4. Second Wave--It happens when you're done shitting and you've pulled your
pants up to your knees and you realize you have to shit some more.

5. Pop-a-vein-in-your-forehead shit--the kind where you strain so much you
practically have a stroke.

6. Richard Simmons shit--you shit so much you lose 30 pounds.

7. Lincoln Log shit--the kind that is so huge you're afraid to flush without
breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

8. Gassy shit--It's noisy and everyone within earshot is giggling.

9. Corn shit--self explanatory.

10. Gee-I-wish-I-could shit shit--the kind where you want to shit, but all you
can do is sit on the toilet, cramp and fart a few times.

11. Spinal tap shit--that's when it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear
it was leaving you sideways.

12. Wet cheek shit--(the power dump!)the kind that comes out of your butt so
fast your cheeks get splashed with water.

13. Liquid shit--the kind where yellowish brown liquid shoots out and
splatters all over the toilet bowl.

14. Mexican food shit--it smells so bad the room must be condemned.

15. Upper class shit--the kind that thinks their shit doesn't smell.

16. Fisherman's bobber shit--the kind where you are in a public restroom,
there are two people waiting on your stall, you shit and flush two times, but
several golf ball size pieces are still floating at the water line.

17. Ambush shit--the kind that never happens at home, but usually at a
party or while playing golf. It is the result of trying to fart--just a
little, but you end up with trouser chili and you walk bow-legged for the
rest of the day.

18. Drunken shit--the kind you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the
toilet.

19. Champagne Shit--you're so constipated that by the time the cork blows,
a bubbly liquid streams from your ass.

20. Kling-On Shit--The kind where, when you go to wipe it, it's there
waiting on the edge.

21. Blow Out Shit--The shit that's proceeded by a fart so vicious, you
have to check the bowl afterwards to make sure there are no cracks.

22. Exorcist Shit--The kind where yellowish-brownish liquid shoots out of
your ass and burns your ass while it splatters all over the toilet. (See
Liquid Shit)

23. Peek-A-Boo Shit--It comes halfway out, then it goes back in, comes
back out, goes back in, etc.

24. Pregnancy Shit--The kind where you're really backed up and it makes
you grunt and wheeze for a long while until it finally splits your crack in
a child bearing fashion.(See Pop a Vein Shit, Spinal Tap Shit)

25. Rabbit Shit--It comes in cute, round portions, but there loads of it
about. Actually, you're never really finished, but stop at some point from
boredom.

26. Alphabet Shit--It comes leisurely, with one or a few breakaways, and
when you look at it you think: "Doesn't that just look like the letter ...?"

27. Feminist Shit--No matter what it looks like or how it comes out, it's
a man's fault.

28. Blowtorch Shit--Shit that burns your ass so much, you'd swear that
it's flammable. (usually occurs morning after eating WAY too much spicy food)

29. Dual Density Shit--The kind where some shit floats and some shit sinks
to the bottom of the bowl.

30. Ribbon Shit--A semiliquid fecal matter that is too thin to be a Lincoln
Log Shit but not runny enough to be a Liquid Shit. Rather, it looks like a
1 inch wide piece of brownish fettuccine, with some specks of color.

31. The Public Shit--Shit that reminds your senses of the warm, moist
stench that embraces you when you enter a less than sanitary public
restroom.

32. Little Boy Shit--Shit powerful enough to level a small city.

33. Flood Shit--You shit so much that it acts like a huge sandbag and
ends up flooding your bowl and running out all over the place, leaving you to
clean up a brown,pasty mess. (Add a bonus point if John Mellencamp does a
relief concert to help cleanup efforts)

34. Dream Shit--When you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days, this is the shit
that you'll be dreaming about.

35. Concrete Shit--This is what you'll drop after you haven't been to the toilet
in 14 days.

36. Surgery Shit--After the Concrete shit, you'll have to go into surgery
because your ass is torn apart so badly.


******************************************************************************
Sherman Chong +------------------+ "Dammit, I'm Hungry!"
University of Illinois |FU KING | -Ghandi
sher...@ux4.cso.uiuc.edu |Chinese restaurant|
"I love Chinese...they only |Authentic fu king | "Nuke gay whale fetuses
come up to your knees..." |food. | for Jesus!"
-John Cleese +------------------+ -bumper sticker
******************************************************************************

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