Concorde Jokes?
Simon Gartner
sorry). Does anyone know any others, or any sites with more?
Wealthy German tourists love the Hotel Gonesse. They drop in all the
time.
Those new Concorde schedules from Air France:
Depart Paris CDG 1700
Arrive Hotel Gonesse 1702
Where did Concorde crash? The Place de la Concorde of course
At last, the French can claim they've "Concorde" (conquered) the Germans
Concorde?
Designed by computers
build by robots
flown by French pilots
I reckon they were trying to copy those Aussie back-packers...
- but started the fire before they entered the hotel.
The French government have announced that the pilot of the crashed
Concorde will be awarded the highest medal in France, the Legion D'Honor,
for
killing more Germans than the whole of the French Airforce during the war.
Q: What can we learn from the Concorde crash?
A; That frogs can't fly.
Q: Why did Concorde crash?
A: It was the 97 German tourists throwing their beach towels on the pilots
seat
Why did Concorde crash in Paris? It thought Princess Diana was on board.
Q: How do you fit 100 german tourists into an ashtray?
A: Book them a flight on Concorde
Concorde- the fastest way to get a cremation in France
Q: What was the last thing the Pilot of the
Concorde said before the crash ?
A: What's this button do ?
A: Sure you can loop the loop in this thing.. Just watch this...
A: Can anyone smell burning ?
A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
What's got a bent nose and fucks Germans ?
Concorde
ken....@pixie.co.za
Henrik Bengtsson
Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> skrev i
diskussionsgruppsmeddelandet:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> Below is a list of Concorde jokes from this newsgroup (nothing new here-
> sorry).
Then why did you post them?
--
Henrik Bengtsson
He...@nospamFalkenberg.net
Works well when under constant supervision
and cornered in like a rat in a trap.
Anne
<He...@nospamFalkenberg.net> wrote:
>
>Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> skrev i
>diskussionsgruppsmeddelandet:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
>> Below is a list of Concorde jokes from this newsgroup (nothing new here-
>> sorry).
>
>Then why did you post them?
Don't know there he posted it, but here is a longer list!
Canonical Concorde Jokes
Well maybe not big enough to be called Canonical, yet ;-)
First it is very sad that so many people died in the crash,
but humanity tends to use comic to deal with tragedies, so here it
goes:
NB! Some will be considered sick!
To add more to this compilation:
- e-mail: kvi...@hotmail.com
- post in alt.tastless.jokes with subject concorde
Reg
Anne
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
at last, the French can claim they've Concorde the Germans
& the Germans are dying to go to France...
and to cap it all, the tickets cost an arm and a leg
---
CONTENTS
========
- Oneliners
- Q & A
- Longer Jokes
---
ONELINERS
=========
Wealthy German tourists love the Hotel Gonesse. They drop in all the
time.
The ultimate statement of wealth: taking Concorde from Paris to
Gonesse.
Who ordered the french toast?
Concorde- the fastest way to get a cremation in France
It crashed due to a left wing conspiracy......
---
Q & A JOKES
===========
Q: What's the difference between a California condor and the Concorde?
A: The condor isn't extinct.
Q: Where did Concorde crash?
A: The Place de la Concorde of course
Q: Why did Concorde crash in Paris?
A: It thought Princess Diana was on board.
Q: What can we learn from the Concorde crash?
A; That frogs can't fly.
Q: Why did Concorde crash?
A: It was the 97 German tourists throwing their towels on the pilots
seat!
Q: Why did Concorde crash?
A: British/French engineering?
Q: Why did Concorde crash?
A: A Jew was driving. payback is a bitch!
Q: What's got a bent nose and fucks GERMANS ????
A: CONCORDE
Q: What did they find in the ears of the passengers?
A: Fingers...
Remember the old Jew/Beetle jokes?
Q: How do you fit 100 german tourists into an ashtray?
A: Book them a flight on Concorde
Q: What's the fastest way to get a cremation in France?
A: Concorde
Q: Worst thing about the Concorde crash?
A: They could have fitted another 20 Germans on there!
Q: What was the last thing the Pilot of the
Concorde said before the crash ????
(Feel free to add your own answer.. must be
sick and/or funny)
A: What's this button do ?
A: Sure you can loop the loop in this thing.. Just watch this...
A: Can anyone smell burning ?
A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
Q: What would the captain of the plane be doing today if he hadn't
been killed?
A: Scratching weakly at the inside of his body bag.
[On a serious note, he did a good job under the circumstances!]
---
LONGER JOKES
============
The last thing the pilot said was:;
"Hey look at the guy filming us on his camcorder, what a sad fucking
spotter...
If I ever get that sad kill me Dave"
Concorde?
Designed by computers
build by robots
flown by French pilots
- I've just heard that among the 100 dead German tourists,
police have found someone alive and laughing hysterically...
- Apparently it's the Jewish air-traffic controller!
- I reckon they were trying to copy those Aussie back-packers...
- ... but started the fire _before_ they entered the hotel.
The French government have announced that the pilot of the crashed
Concorde
will be awarded the highest medal in France, the Legion D'Honor, for
killing
more Germans than the whole of the French Airforce during the war.
New Concorde schedules from Air France:
Depart Paris CDG 1700
Arrive Hotel Gonesse 1702
---
Redmond WA (MSN) - Micro$loth president Bill Gates has announced the
acquisition of Air France. "We always said that if GM built cars the
way we
build systems that by now they'd have something inexpensive and as
fast as
a Concorde, yet sceptical GM executives had no interest in an
application which
spectacularly crashes and burns on launch the way Micro$loth's product
does."
Micro$loth (NASDAQ: M$FT) is up in moderate trading in response to
a lot of marketing hype and noise at least as intense as a sonic boom.
Management reaffirmed its plan to do anything to be able to outrun
Janet Reno.
...Micro$loth: where would you like Bill Gates to go today?
---
Two Germans were painting Concorde and it was taking a long time. They
had just reached the wings and one goes, "Smell this paint, it smells
like Vodka!!"
The other bloke says "Yeah, you're right, have a swig".
So he takes a swig, and it is just about pallatable. Come the end of
the shift they have drunk 37 cans of paint between them and they are
completely pissed. They stumble back to their homes and go straight to
bed, nearly dead.
The first bloke wakes up and he's got the biggest hangover of his
life. He climbs out of bed and falls flat on his face. He looks at his
feet and he notices that some little have grown out the soles of his
feet.
"What the fuck..." he exclaims.
He skates into the bathroom and he could not believe what he saw in
the mirror. He had a 7 inch long pointy nose instead of his own, his
shoulders were pushed back and his arms were now flattish
"Oh, for fuck's sake..."
Suddenly, the phone goes, he answers it and it was his mate from the
day before.
"Thank God you've phoned...I've got wheels on my feet, a long pointy
nose, flat arms and I don't know what the fuck is going on..."
The reply came, "Tell me about it! I was trying to book into a Paris
hotel when I farted..."
---
Your CNN (Crayfish News Network) scoop:
Cause of fire.: oxygen combining with organic material
Cause of crash: gravity
Official Explanation for Crash : "Pilot error" (i.e., crashing is an
error.)
Root cause of crash: That extra "e" on the end of the word Concorde.
I
mean, that's just ASKING for trouble.
Catchy news media name for crash: "French Fry 2000"
Most tragic part of the crash: Cast and producers of the TV show
"Survivor"
were not aboard.
Comments from celebrities and politicians:
-- OJ Simpson: "I feel so sorry for the deceased, and only
hope that I can help their families find
the real killers."
-- Al Gore...: "I understand that this terrible tragedy
scorched many of the grass roots."
-- Bill Clinton: "I swear, Mary France did NOT go down on
me in a French hotel. What? Oh... AIR FRANCE
went down into a French hotel. Oh. Never mind.
(PSSST: Tell those guys I've canceled the hit
on Mary France.)"
-- National Public Radio: "The crash killed 113 people, but
critics of the crash say women and minorities
were hurt the worst."
-- Neil Boortz: "See folks? SEE what happens when a left-wing,
bed-wetting socialist government TAKES money
from its citizens in the form of taxes and
uses it to fund large, meaningless projects?
People DIE."
-- Dan Quayle: "Honey, how to you get this wrapper thingie off
the poptarts?"
-- Tony Blair: "This is why the French should stick to making
cheese."
-- Dennis Miller: "So, the French airliner crashed. Big surprise
there. I mean, their CARS are so incredibly
reliable, who'd have thunk it? Come on, people,
I'd rather take my chances on the Hindenberg,
with gasoline in the hold and the entire member-
ship of the National Association for Smokers with
Parkinson's Disease aboard."
---
Mixan
Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> пишет в
сообщении:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> A: Can anyone smell burning ?
> A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
> A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
>
> Concorde
>
It's a pity that motherfucking fuckwit like you wasn't on that plane.
lab~rat
Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
--
lab~rat >:-)
Bastartization is differant to mistyping.
Simon Gartner
Mixan <cap...@actor.ru> wrote in message news:8m9k9o$lnp$1...@news.leivo.ru...
>
> Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> пишет в
> сообщении:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> > A: Can anyone smell burning ?
> > A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
> > A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
> >
> > What's got a bent nose and fucks Germans ?
> > Concorde
> >
>
> It's a pity that motherfucking fuckwit like you wasn't on that plane.
>
>
I'm offended that you should accuse me of fucking my mother!
My father- yes :-)
If I had been on the plane, then who would have put together this great list
of jokes?
Seriously though- It was a terrible thing to have happened, and my heart
goes out to those who have lost loved ones. However not telling jokes does
not bring those lost back to life.
Simon Gartner
Henrik Bengtsson <He...@nospamFalkenberg.net> wrote in message
news:9650761...@news2.cybercity.dk...
>
> Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> skrev i
> diskussionsgruppsmeddelandet:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> > Below is a list of Concorde jokes from this newsgroup (nothing new here-
> > sorry).
>
> Then why did you post them?
> Henrik Bengtsson
> He...@nospamFalkenberg.net
>
> Works well when under constant supervision
> and cornered in like a rat in a trap.
>
My post was to ask the question "does anyone have any more jokes?" The list
of jokes was just supplimentary information to save people time they might
have spent looking through the rest of the articles. My apologies if I went
against netiquette here.
Blob
news:8m9k9o$lnp$1...@news.leivo.ru...
>
> Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> пишет в
> сообщении:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> > A: Can anyone smell burning ?
> > A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
> > A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
> >
> > What's got a bent nose and fucks Germans ?
> > Concorde
> >
>
> It's a pity that motherfucking fuckwit like you wasn't on that plane.
>
ink
Mixan dropped into the real world with a crash and proclaimed...
>
>Simon Gartner <nigel22...@hotmail.com> пишет в
>сообщении:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
>> A: Can anyone smell burning ?
>> A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
>> A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
>>
>> What's got a bent nose and fucks Germans ?
>> Concorde
>>
>
>It's a pity that motherfucking fuckwit like you wasn't on that plane.
Hey... you're russian... you should be happy about that joke!
ink
--As long as you get it up, I'll get it in!
Rickety
"ink" <ink...@MENOTrhone.ch> wrote in message
news:8maunh$csh$1...@pollux.ip-plus.net...
>
> Mixan dropped into the real world with a crash and proclaimed...
<<snip>>
>
> >It's a pity that motherfucking fuckwit like you wasn't on that plane.
>
>
> Hey... you're russian... you should be happy about that joke!
>
the Germans must have been rushin' to their cruise - supersonic flight etc.
--
Rick Lugg
Mixan
Simon Gartner <Neil_M...@hotmail.com> пишет в
сообщении:8mac31$idq$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
>
> I'm offended that you should accuse me of fucking my mother!
> My father- yes :-)
;-O
Gee, new insult - fatherfucker
> If I had been on the plane, then who would have put together this great
list
> of jokes?
It's your problem.
> Seriously though- It was a terrible thing to have happened, and my heart
Anyway this great list of joke is motherfuckin list of scum.
Knopgat
Simon Gartner wrote in message <8mac8g$hoo$1...@news6.svr.pol.co.uk>...
OK Simon, so why didn't you just "does anyone have any
more jokes?" ..... ?
"Below is a list of Concorde jokes from this newsgroup
(nothing new here- sorry)." is very confusing and caused
me sleepless nights, extreme anxiety and severe rashes.
I'm afraid your netiquette apologies are just not good
enough. Perhaps we could settle the matter with foriegn
currency......pounds will be fine.
Cheers
Knop
Drink till ya can't anymore, and then have a last one.
Mixan
Blob <rfl...@flash.net> пишет в
сообщении:ZN2i5.1860$SB4.1...@news.flash.net...
> > сообщении:8m1j45$40j$1...@newsg1.svr.pol.co.uk...
> > > A: Can anyone smell burning ?
> > > A: Oh Shit !! The runway has disappeared !!
> > > A: Let's see if the Germans want to join us for barbeque.
> > >
> > > What's got a bent nose and fucks Germans ?
> > > Concorde
> > >
> >
> >
>
Nawww Blobbbb, that's because such kind of jokes funny, only if it's jokes
about chechen bastards.
Mixan
ink <ink...@MENOTrhone.ch> пишет в
сообщении:8maunh$csh$1...@pollux.ip-plus.net...
> Hey... you're russian... you should be happy about that joke!
Truth?
...
Why?
Blob
Mixan
lab~rat <ch...@cheese.net> пишет в
сообщении:39895e0c...@news.mindspring.com...
> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
lab~rat >:-)
lab~rat >:-)
>
>lab~rat <ch...@cheese.net> пишет в
>сообщении:39895e0c...@news.mindspring.com...
>
>> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
>
>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
>
>
By the way, what the fuck is up with this:
"Right up to the docking of the Russian service module Zvezda with the
ISS, financing for the further development of the Russian segment of
the station was virtually frozen, because it was not possible to
foresee how the launch and docking would go," Khrunichev director
Anatoly Kiselyov told a news conference, according to the Interfax
news agency.
Tell those fuckers to lay off the pissing vodka!
Knopgat
Mixan wrote in message <8mou3f$1p0f$1...@news.leivo.ru>...
>
>lab~rat <ch...@cheese.net> пишет в
>сообщении:39895e0c...@news.mindspring.com...
>
>> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
>
>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
If we catch the cunt, the sentance is *death by ha(n)ging*
NO ONE pisses in my vodka !
Knopgat
lab~rat >:-) wrote in message ...
>>сообщении:39895e0c...@news.mindspring.com...
>>
>>> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
>>
>>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
>>
>>
>
>"Right up to the docking of the Russian service module Zvezda with the
>ISS, financing for the further development of the Russian segment of
>the station was virtually frozen, because it was not possible to
>foresee how the launch and docking would go," Khrunichev director
>Anatoly Kiselyov told a news conference, according to the Interfax
>news agency.
>
>Tell those fuckers to lay off the pissing vodka!
Names like "Zvezda" are only pronounceable
after vodkas ..... what do you expect from a
drunk ?
Knopgat
Blob wrote in message ...
There you go talkin' about yer nob again.
Mixan
Blob <rfl...@flash.net> пишет в
сообщении:B1Gj5.10006$5A2.1...@news.flash.net...
> Chechnya, best thing to happen to you since Chernoble.
If Chernoble was in Chechnya then it was best thing to happen.
BTW Chernoble happened to Ukrainians .
Blob
knuckle-draggin' Cossackers.
Mixan
> > BTW Chernoble happened to Ukrainians .
> >
> That's right, they're higher on the evolutionary ladder than you
Because they have 5 metres radio-active dicks ?
> knuckle-draggin' Cossackers.
Hehe, then where you are, knuckle-draggin cocksucker?
Mixan
vampeleon <ton...@icon.co.za> пишет в
сообщении:9l67psgp7tdu76vnt...@4ax.com...
> >BTW Chernoble happened to Ukrainians .
>
>
Nachtischlamperl... was ist nachtischlamperl!?
Wobei hier Ukrainisch schweinzhahnen?!?
Mixan
lab~rat >:-) <ch...@cheese.net> пишет в
сообщении:l4d0pssn9hpplg7e5...@4ax.com...
> >> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
> >
> >VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
> >
> >
> By the way, what the fuck is up with this:
>
> "Right up to the docking of the Russian service module Zvezda with the
> ISS, financing for the further development of the Russian segment of
> the station was virtually frozen, because it was not possible to
> foresee how the launch and docking would go," Khrunichev director
> Anatoly Kiselyov told a news conference, according to the Interfax
> news agency.
>
> Tell those fuckers to lay off the pissing vodka!
Anyway they won't understand, those fuckers always drunk.
Mixan
Knopgat <ebo...@iafrica.com.na> пишет в
сообщении:8ms6ve$2v1n$4...@nnrp01.ops.uunet.co.za...
> >>> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
> >>
> >>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
> >>
> >>
> >By the way, what the fuck is up with this:
>
>
> after vodkas ..... what do you expect from a
> drunk ?
No, there is "Pizda" for example.
Mixan
Knopgat <ebo...@iafrica.com.na> пишет в ...
> >
> >> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
> >
> >VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
>
>
> NO ONE pisses in my vodka !
If I catch the cunt, catch the cunt means understood, if it's truth, then
you catch the cunt.
ink
Mixan dropped into the real world with a crash and proclaimed...
>
Moanst Schwainshaxn? Saupreiss, eleggdronischer!
ink
--Heaven is for the meek. The party's in hell!
Knopgat
Mixan wrote in message <8n8uhj$2p1l$4...@news.leivo.ru>...
>> >>
>> >>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
>> >>
>> >>
>> >Tell those fuckers to lay off the pissing vodka!
>>
>>
>> Names like "Zvezda" are only pronounceable
>> after vodkas ..... what do you expect from a
>> drunk ?
>
>No, there is "Pizda" for example.
Kinda like "I Pizda in your vodka" ?
Nicolas Chabot
"Knopgat" <ebo...@iafrica.com.na> a Иcrit dans le message news:
8nas23$f55$1...@nnrp01.ops.uunet.co.za...
Mixan
Keith E. <kei...@bigfoot.com> пишет в
сообщении:rh6gpsc7qfvp1rdlb...@4ax.com...
> >> >> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
> >> >
> >> >VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
> >>
> >>
> >> NO ONE pisses in my vodka !
> >
> >If I catch the cunt, catch the cunt means understood, if it's truth,
then
> >you catch the cunt.
>
>
Of course I need another drink, since some bastard pissed in my old drink!
Mixan
Knopgat <ebo...@iafrica.com.na> пишет в
сообщении:8nas23$f55$1...@nnrp01.ops.uunet.co.za...
> >> >>> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
> >> >>
> >> >>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >Tell those fuckers to lay off the pissing vodka!
> >>
> >>
> >> Names like "Zvezda" are only pronounceable
> >> after vodkas ..... what do you expect from a
> >> drunk ?
> >
> >No, there is "Pizda" for example.
>
>
> Kinda like "I Pizda in your vodka" ?
>
Pizda it's cunt.
Knopgat
Nicolas Chabot wrote in message ...
I *can*, but I don't have any. No wait, I think that
remark was wasted on your likes..... but think
about it for a while till you ask again. Kinda like
a life time while ..... twit
Knopgat
Mixan wrote in message <8ngv96$1cpd$2...@news.leivo.ru>...
>
>Knopgat <ebo...@iafrica.com.na> пишет в
>сообщении:8nas23$f55$1...@nnrp01.ops.uunet.co.za...
>> >> >>> Who pissed in your vodka, Mikki?
>> >> >>
>> >> >>VODKA, WHO PISSED IN MY VODKA???!!!
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >By the way, what the fuck is up with this:
>> >> >Tell those fuckers to lay off the pissing vodka!
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> Names like "Zvezda" are only pronounceable
>> >> after vodkas ..... what do you expect from a
>> >> drunk ?
>> >
>> >No, there is "Pizda" for example.
>>
>>
>> Kinda like "I Pizda in your vodka" ?
>>
>Pizda it's cunt.
Hardly harmful, unless yer the cunt .....