Married_w_Children lines
Frenk Janse
Episode 420: Al tries to break the alley's record
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<Bud's filming Al trying to break the alley's all-time score. Al's
just coming in the door>
Al: " Bud, did you get your mom in the picutre?"
Bud: " Yea, dad."
Al: " Rewind"
<Al heads back outside for another take>
<discussion about birth signs>
Kelly: " I am an aquarium!"
Bud: " And an empty one."
Episode 421: Peg gets high school diploma
-----------------------------------------
<Kelly and peg are in same home ec classs>
Kelly's freind: " Hey, Kelly, wanna vandalize the cemetary
tonight?"
Kelly: <looking at Peg> " No, Lisa, that would be wrong."
Kelly: " Can I get a tattoo?"
Peg: " Didn't we have this discussion when you were 8? No tattoos
above the waist for any member of this household. Can't we
learn from Grandma's mistake? At her age with love and hate
tattooed on her breasts. With those verbs hanging around
her knees today."
Peg: " It seems I failed one stupid little class: home economics."
Kelly: " Gee, what a shock!"
Teacher: " Miss Bundy, why can't you be more like Reuben < teacher's
pet>?"
Kelly: " Well, we both like boys."
Al: " Anything for dinner, Peg?"
Peg: " Get a wife!"
<Al comes downstairs in the middle of the nights>
Al: " Can't sleep with that damn woman in my bed."
Episode 422: Bud thinks he had sex with Marcie
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Kelly: " What's a simpleton?"
Bud: " An idiot, moron, dolt, dullard, creaton. You know, someone
a little smarter than you."
<Al has a nightmare>
Al: <to Peg>" For the first time, since the first time, I'm glad to
see you in bed."
Episode 423: The Bundy's have a yard sale
-----------------------------------------
Kelly: " Dad, do what mom says and marry someone with a job."
Al: " My mom said to marry an anchor and cling to it as it sinks
to the bottom."
<Peg comes in with boar's head>
Al: " What've you got there?"
Peg: " A boar's head."
Al: " No, behind your back."
Al: " I already have 3 leetches. What do I need a boar's head for?"
Al: " I'm gonna do with it what I should've done with you right
after our wedding: strap it to the hood of the car and take
it back to the woods where it belongs."
Al: " Peg, why do you have a boar's head?"
Peg: " The glassy eyes, the stuffing for brains, nothing below the
waist. Strap it to a toilet and it could be you."
Al: " Unlike me, someone cared enough for it to put a bullet
through its head."
Marcie: " My mother would have a garage sale every summer. She'd
sell everything including the training bra off my back."
Al: " What were you? 25."
Marcie: " 13 and making more money than you."
Peg: " I can't believe you're selling my whole life's work."
Al: " I'm not selling everythindg. I'm keeping my knotted bowls."
Al: " I wanna be like him <Buck>. Sure you eat the private parts
of horses but when you go to the bathroom on the lawn they
say you did good.
Al: " Lawn sales are based on the bigger idiot theory. But there's
1 flaw in the system: soon you get to the biggest idiot and
you call her mom."
Al: " Remember the Bundy credo: A bundy never wins."
Bud: " No, it's a Bundy never eats."
Kelly: " No, it's a Bundy never learns."
Bud: " No, it's a Bundy never cares."
Marcie: " My mistake was looking for a man to love when all I need
is a man to hurt."
Peg: " Are you gonna have sex with him?
Al: " You heard her say she wanted to hurt him."
Al: " Have I told you not to marry?"
Bud: " Yea, dad"
Al: " Have I told you not to be a shoe salesman?"
Bud: " Yea, dad"
Al: " Well, I guess I told you everything I know."
Al: " It could be like one of those Wanker ho-downs, where
everyone gathers 'round the still and plays 'spin the cousin'"
Peg: " You're looking at a whole new Peggy"
Al: " Yea, maybe this one won't find her way home"
Peg: " I was down at the Friedman's garage sale. Do you know what
thay said?"
Al: " Why does your husband go on living?"
Peg: " No one knows I'm married. They say all my stuff is junk."
Al: " I told you that."
Peg: " But they're strangers. I care what they think."
Al: <to peg>" We're broke and you're stupid and the 2 don't match.
We don't need anything to be miserable, we've got each other."
Episode 501: Al's dreams
------------------------
<Al's sitting on his bed between two babes>
Al: " Rather than go into an explanation which could take a while, why
don't you two fight over me while I watch and take pictures. And
the winner can have me first...and third and fifth."
Episode 503: Al cancels car insurance
-------------------------------------
Peg: " You know what they say in Wanker county."
Al: " Nothing spells loving like marrying your cousin."
Kelly: " The car's mine. I don't want to be standing in the corner
again with guys hissing at me as they drive by."
Al: " Sorry, pumpkin, we didn't know it was you."
Al: <talking on phone>"When you insult my wife, you don't insult me."
Peg: " What did he say, Al?"
Al: " Nothing I haven't said before."
Al: " I've said we're broke before and you were brave about it and
spent anyway but we're really broke this time. Peg, what can
you do without?"
Peg: " Apparently an orgasm.,"
Al: " Way to get one. Kelly, what can you do without?"
Kelly: " I think we can all do without war."
Al: " Don't you think you should've gained more than 5 pounds when
you were pregnant now, Peg."
Bud: " All my friends are dirving."
Al: " If all your friends were getting married, would you?"
Al: " Let this be a lesson to you. Never do tequila shooters within
a country mile of a wedding chapel."
Al: " I was listening to the oldies station at 1500 watts so I
couldn't hear the siren. Police cars today are equipped with
rammers so he eased me into the guard rail. Lucky, the cop
liked oldies so he beat me with his night stick to the tune of
' Hey, Jude.' Then he wrote me up 18 tickets including the one
for bleeding on his pad."
<Al puts on long hair wig>
Peg: " You look lie tarzan if he were gay."
Al: " If you were Jane, he would be."
Al: " Insurance is like marriage. You pay & pay but you never get
anything back."
Judge: " Mr Bundy, would you please explain why your wife is wearing
a neck brace when she wasn't involved in the accident."
Peg: " Let me explain it, your honor. It's sex whiplash but it is
accident realted. You see, when we were in bed, Al was
thinking about the jillion dollars and just lost control.
He caught me off guard. He moved."
Episode 504: Softball game
--------------------------
<Peg is hugging Sven>
Al: " Who's that with the backpack shaped like my wife?"
Guy: " Your replacement."
Al: " Good, now I can concentrate on my softball."
Al: " You can't get rid of me. You need a unanimous vote. The best
you could get is 6 to 3."
Guy: " 7 to 2"
Al: " Why, Peg?"
Al: " Why can't we guys age gracefully like you gals. You put makeup
on your face and you clean & jerk yourself into a bra. Then
you put tights over your front and back belly and got to the
store to flirt with the bag boy."
Peg: " Al, when you were talking about women, you didn't mean me,
did you?"
Al: " I never do."
Bud: " We got an ice pack on his head, a heat pack on his back, and
a 6 pack down this throat."
Peg: " How is he?"
Bud: " Sore, brunk, and blue."
Peg: " Just like the night we made you."
Guy: <to Peg>" He <Sven> bats .380, has a cannon for an arm, and runs
like children from your husband."
Kelly: " It can be unanimous or out loud. You're not getting rid of my
daddy. Like I wrote in my 4th grade essay: Daddy good,
sleepy now.'"
Guy: " We still have a chance at the championship."
Bud: " We don't care about winning. We're not gonna take hima away
from the game he loves...plus he'll beat the living crap out
of us."
Episode 505: Peg goes dancing
-----------------------------
<Al is eagerly waiting for a pizza, when the doorbell rings and
Marcie is standing there>
Al: "Well, it's flat and cheesy, but it's not a pizza"
Al: "Look! It's the Abominable No-Man" <== about Marcie
<Peg & guy are dancing>
Peg: " You know, I haven't done it in 2 years."
Guy: " You haven't danced in 2 years?"
Peg: " I haven't danced in 12 years."
Bud: " I need $20 fast. Look what I have waiting for me."
Al: " She's a tramp < Al hands over the $$ >"
Peg: " Come dancing with me. Hold me like you used to."
Al: " That was after a 6 pack and a dare."
Peg: " It's getting harder and harder to fight off the guys."
Al: " Whatever you do, don't feed him. That'll really hurt."
Al: " Feed me or feed me to something. I just want to be part of
the food chain."
Al: " You know what I want to do? I was looking in the newlyweds'
window down the block. I wanna do what they wre doing."
Peg: " You kinky devil."
Al: " They were eating."
Al: <to guy>"You say your husband was dancing with my wife?"
Guy: " Yes"
Al: " Well, that's 3 guys that won't touch my wife. What's the
problem?"
Guy: " Before me, Andy had a woman."
Al: " Before Peg, I had a woman, too."
Episode 506: The Bundy Bounce
-----------------------------
<Peg is on strike>
Al: " This's been the best two weeks of my life. The uncertainty
is gone. Accepting your utter uselessness has freed me.
Since I've been taking care of myself, the foods better,
conversation is better and without sex, my hair is coming
back!!"
Peg: " It's not coming back honey, it's just growing up out of
your nose...!"
<Bud goes with Kelly to model school>
Bud: " I heard you that girls like to watch your weight. Care for a
Bud Light?"
<Kelly trying to introduce the Car of Tommorrow, the new Allante>
Kelly: " I'm getting an idea! How about this:
The neeeew .... what's the name of the stupid car?"
Bud: " Kelly, why don't you just write it on your hand like
you do your name!"
Kelly: " Wait! Topeka! I have found it!!"
Bud: " I ... I don't think you mean Topeka, Kel."
Kelly: " Oh yeah, that's right, I ment...Urethra!!"
Episode 508: Al plants a garden
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Al: " The doctor said I should get a hobby: start a vegatable garden."
Bud: " You started a vegatable garden when you had Kelly."
Al: <to Peg>"Soon you'll be a cookin', a cleanin', and a servin' &
I'll be a eatin', a belchin', and a purgin'."
Al: " As Farmer Iggy says, 'Wife standin' near, soon comes a tear.'"
Bud: " You've had the hose on for 4 hours and the ground's not even
wet. Where's all the water going?"
Al: " How should I know. I don't even know where it comes from. I just
wish I could go with it."
Al: " If dynomite was dangerous, do you think they'd sell it to an
idiot like me."
Episode 510: Kelly moves out
----------------------------
Kelly: " Go upstairs and 'Nick at Might' yourself to sleep. I need use
of the couch."
Bud: " I was here first. And do you remember the last time you and a
victim used the couch? We had to defly it."
Al: " In order to make a house a home, only one can make the rules and
in this house...<Al whispers>..the rules are made by the man."
Al: " Threats don't work with me."
Peg: <Yells from upstairs>"Nobody's rubbing my touchy."
Al: " Because I've already been to hell."
<Kelly leaves>
Peg: " My baby's gone. Hold me, Al."
Al: " I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I hold you
now?"
Peg: " Can we have another child?"
Al: " I'd rather jump off the Sears Tower and dive head first into a
tack. I'd rather bait a crocodile with my manhood which, I
believe, got me into trouble in the first place."
Episode 512: Marcie marries Jefferson
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<Peg gives a Cosmo test to Al>
Peg: " Who would you rather spend the night with: A, your wife,
or B..."
Al: " B."
Marcie: " I woke up with a man in the bed and I don't know who he is."
Al: " That's easy. He slpet with you, he's the stupidest man on
Earth."
Bud: " We have enough <on Marcie> to tell the neighbors."
Kelly: " Sell the nieghbors."
Bud: " Do you do nothing for free?"
Al: <to Jefferson>" Run, run, run like the wind, runs like there's no
tomorrow, run like Mexican water through a first time tourist but,
the key word is, run."
Episode 514: Kelly dates a 41 year old city official
----------------------------------------------------
Bud: " What bothers me is that you <Al & Peg> don't involve me in
your plans anymore...I'm not Fredo. Kelly's Fredo...
And I'm not going fishing with you."
Kelly: " How come you don't believe I'm in love?"
Al: " Kelly, it's not that we don't believe you. We don't believe
in love."
Peg: " That's why our marriage works."
Peg: " You're dating someone old enough to be my father."
Al: " She's not dating Lincoln."
<Al's alone with Peg>
Al: " What whould I do?"
Peg: " You could lead the 'Failure Pride' parade atop a float made
of meter maid shoes. Or is that getting in you business.
Al: " White crosses, sunlight. Nothing works on you, does it?"
Al: " Peg, when you married me was it pre-meditated or a drive-by
marriage?"
Peg: " Either way, I missed."
Al: " Home, work, can a man have too much fun?"
Al: " Am I truly nothing? Could the neighborhood children be
right?"
<door slams>
Peg: <to Al>" That could be Kelly with her new boyfriend. Take care
of him quick, like you do me."
Guy: " I'm an aldreman."
Kelly: " That's a priest."
Guy: " Actually, it's like a city councilman."
Kelly: " Then why dod you want me to call you 'father?'"
Peg: " To think, all along we thought that you'd <Bud> be the
success in the family. Boy, were we wrong.?
Bud: " Maybe I should throw on a pair of Speedo's and parade around
in front of Sandra Day O'Connor."
Peg: " Bud, don't be jealous, you're both of our children. It's just
that Kelly is our favorite now."
Kelly: " You could have thrown me for a fruit loop. But I guess the
signs were there that he was married: The wedding ring, the
diapers in the back seat of the station wagon and the late
night calls from that crazy woman saying 'Stay away from my
husband, you little tramp.'"
Episode 515: A man's castle
---------------------------
Bud: " You don't know what the guys say about me.
They say: Bud, Bud, alone he'll sit,
Bud, Bud, he'll touch no..."
Al: " I don't wanna talk about you!"
Al: " Back then, mother meant cooking but then gay meant happy."
Al: " Bud, take your sister for a walk and don't tie her to a
hydrant and go for a sode like last time. Just because she
can't think doesn't mean she can't feel."
Peg: " It would help for you to be seen with a pretty girl."
Bud: " Yea, right, They'll just think I payed for her like everyone
else."
Al: " Take all your clothes off."
Peg: " You finally want to do it?"
Al: " Since I'm not goint to eat, I need something to kill my
appetite."
Al: " You spent $2000 on decorating school. It must have been my
fault, I didn't habe to say 'I do.' I could've just taken one
of your uncle's shotgun blasts in my back."
Al: " Peg, if you want this house to look better, dust. If you want it
to smell better, cook. If you want it to be happy, leave. But
don't touch this house. I'm not a man happy with change."
Peg: " That explains your job and your underwear."
Episode 516: Al vs old High School Rival
----------------------------------------
Al: " I miss my bowl, Peg."
Peg: " Oh, it's not you're fauly, honey...you're just groggy in
the morning."
Al: " Not that bowl, you whinning, ninny of a woman."
Al: " Sure, I had glory but you had pie. I haven't eaten in 19 years.
...So excuse me if I don't cry for you, Argentina."
Al: " You know that exercise place above the store with the sign
'1/2 ton discount?' Well, they played 'Jump' and damned if the
whole herd didn't. They came crashing down blocking out the
sun. It was cellulite winter. Oh, the humungity."
Al: " The shoe store decided to lay me off until repairs are made."
Peg: " Can the economy take the hit?"
Al: " Can you?"
Al: " I'm born and bred to be a shoeman."
<Al relives glory>
Al: " Hut 1, Hut 2, I got the ball and went through the line like
grandma through a herd of cattle."
Peg: " Al, why don't you get a license plate that tells the world
how YOU feel?"
Al: " Because 'KILL ME' was taken by your father."
Al: " Peg, you'll never believe what happened at work today."
Peg: " Tongue caught in the shoe sizer again?"
Al: " You civilians never realize what a sophisticated piece of
equipment that is."
Peg: " Al, surely you can see the humor in a man who makes nothing
saying he lost his job."
Bud: " Yea, it's like Kelly saying she lost her mind."
Kelly: " I don't get it."
Al: " I'm a shoe man, born and bred, dammit."
Peg: " Please come back."
Al: " You're worried, aren't you?"
Peg: " Of course I'm worried. Tomorrow's garbage day. I'm not getting
up early."
Episode 517: Weenie Tots
------------------------
Al: " This is a fine mess. She's an idiot and the smart one's
mad at us."
Peg: " Al, you ruined my day."
Al: " Peg, it's your own fault. Stop asking me how you look in the
morning."
<Al heats up M&M on the stove>
Al: " I bet the peanut is all warm and toasty insdie...<Al prays>...
Lord, bless this M&M and the mighty cockraoch I slain in
battle to get it."
Al: " Peg, can we cut out the normal charade of me forbidding
you and you ignoring me."
Marcie: < to Jefferson >" Remember, you are a white collar criminal
while he < Al > is a ring-around-the-collar criminal."
Bud: " I was one of 5 Chicago area kids to be chosen to meet the
President."
Al: " Son, do me a favor. If you see the old white haired lady, she
seems nice, ask her if she'll go back to the kitchen and cook
something up for dear old dad...and, if you get the chance,
steal some of the presidental toilet paper...I bet it's smooth."
Al: " Peg, get me my checkbook."
Peg: " Which one do you want? The joint account or the corporate
account."
Al: " I want the joint account: the one that says,'Mrs Peggy Bundy &
the nameless shoe salesman."
Peg: " At least they left off the 'witless' part."
<Al signs check out loud>
Al: " Nameless shoe salesman."
<Al decides who gets the $$ between Kelly & Bud
Al: " This is a tough call. One is a once in a lifetime chance and
the other is meeting the President."
Al: " It's a lifetime supply of Weenie Tots."
Peg: " Maybe, you'll share these little weenies with Peggy."
Girl: " Do you smell anything?"
Al: " No...Okay, here's the truth. I'm not 25. I'm not a millionaire
and those were my feet. I'm Joe Namath. 1969 Super Bowl. That
was me."
Girl: " 1969. I wasn't even born yet."
<Al cries>
Bud: " I could've ridden in Air Force One. I could've had a scholarship
to Harvard. I could've played Nintendo with Dan Quayle in the
war room."
<Peg opens last box of Weenie Tots>
Al: " Congratulations, you just won a trip to Disney Fist."
Peg: " We won! We won!"
Al: " Where do you wanna go?"
Peg: " Hawaii."
Al: " Then I'll go to Europe."
Episode 518: Al Tries to Remember a Song
----------------------------------------
Al: " What a life ... can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the bury the
wife in the back yard."
<Kelly is dressed up and Bud comes downstairs sniffing>
Bud: " Ah, the essence of 'Bring Em All On.' It must be Friday
cos Saturday is the essence of 'Free Clinic.'"
Bud: <to Kelly>" You're testy. Could it not only be your date that's
late?"
Al: " My family not being any help. That's something new."
Peg: " Al, must we be the early round spit bucket in the knock out
that is your life?"
Episode 519: Supermarket, Pt 1
------------------------------
< Peg cranks air conditioner >
Al: " Gentle, Peg, you're not having sex with it"
Peg: " We'll know for sure if it quits after a minute, rolls
over and then asks what's on TV.... Well, it might be,
I don't feel a thing."
Kelly: " Mom, dad scared me."
Peg: " He scares us all."
Kelly: " An idiot can buy an air conditioner. I could buy an air
conditioner."
Peg: " I thought you were going to a discount store to but one of those
Korean products with almost real names like ou Fridgea-door
refrigerator."
Al: " Well, my beauti-fool wife."
<Beautiful babe came near Al. He drops something>
Al: " Miss, you dropped something."
<She bends down to pick it up. Al stares at her chest.>
Babe: " Thank you, market dweller."
Kelly: " Daddy?"
Al: " What?"
Kelly: " Do you want something?"
Al: " Yes, I have a strange yearning for some melons...<he sees
Marcie>...and a plucked chicken."
Al: " Peg, get the cart."
Peg: " How do I work this thing?"
Al: " The same thing you do with me. You get behind it and shove."
Episode 520: Supermarket, Pt 2
------------------------------
Marcie: " This man <Al> cut in front of me. I should be the
one millionth customer."
Manager: <to Al>" Did you cut in front of this woman."
Al: " What woman?"
Peg: " You get the food and the glory. All I get is to stand in
front of this big hot thing."
Al: " No, that's the stove. You're the big hot thing."
Al: " We will win in the Bundy tradition. We will cheat our heineys
off."
Peg: " You can do all this < build the cart of death > yet you can't
get a better job."
Al: " Research will show you that the majority of your instruments
of death are from the zombie-like daydreams of shoe salesmen."
Peg: " Can't you give him < the Beaver > a job at the shoe store?"
Al: " That's all I need. Work all day with the Beaver and come
home to you."
Bud: <to the Beaver>" Why don't you team up with that Eddie Munster
kid for the "Thoroughly Pathetic Tour '91?"
Episode 521: Kids! Wadaya gonna do?
-----------------------------------
Al: <to Bud>"You mean that was you Bundifying that girl over there?"
<Bud has no date again>
Bud: " Buck, you and I are alot alike."
Buck: " No, I've had sex and at least I have the decency to die at 13."
<Bud kisses girl>
Bud: " Was it everything I told you it would be?"
Girl: " No, but it was everything the other girls told me it would be."
Al: <to Peg>"I spent three hours with you already. I watched you buy
lingerie I wouldn't let you wear even it you weren't my wife."
Marcie: " Why do you leave your front door open? A maniac can come in
and kill you."
Al: " Like I get what I want."
Marcie: " I guess you were mistaken when you came over to borrow
something and we told you to take what you wanted...which
leads us to our flatware."
Al: " I didn't steal your bra."
<The Bundy's & Darcy's decide to watch Beaches>
Al: " We can watch it until they reach 30. Then we can watch Breast
Monsters."
Peg: " Oh, please! You don;t know how to capture breasts on this
planet...<to Marcie>...He loves 'em, you know, but he doesn't
know how to handle 'em. Sometimes, he'll grab my knee, squeeze
it, and say,'Who's the king...Who's the king.'" I laugh so much
that I almost loose my place in my book."
Al: " In my defense, most things today orbit around her knees."
Al: <thinking>"How long is this movie? There isn't a woman under 50.
About now, the Breast Gladiators would be battling with the liquid
cheese but, geez, I'd be missing out on all this human feeling."
Episode 522: The Bundy's & Darcy's go prospecting, Pt 1
-------------------------------------------------------
<The Bundy's are stuck at a general store with 3 old drunks>
Peg: " Hey, Al, these guys find me sexy."
Al: " I would too, Peg, if I had whiskey for breakfast."
Episode 601: Marcie & Peg are pregnant
--------------------------------------
Al: " I'm gonna get myself a 'Big Boy's Ratchet Set' and go
around this house and tighten more nuts than you did in
high school."
Al: <to Jefferson>"Today is the first day of the end of your life."
Al: " Soon my hounds will be out of the house and I'll be free,
free...except for her <Peg>."
Marcie: " How far along are you?"
Peg: " 5 months...Al, didn't you notice I was getting fat?"
Al: " Well, yes...That can't be, let me check my journal.
5 months ago, you say."
Peg: " Isn't it a dream?"
Al: " It better be. Let's see, 5 months ago. April, week 1:
sold shoes, watched TV. April, week 2: sold shoes,
watched TV, wept. April, week 3: sold shoes, had a
few beers, passed out, drempt I fell in a washing
machine, woke up feeling cheap...Peg!!!!"
Kelly: " Why didn't you check your urges?"
Bud: " Of all the blunders a middle-aged man with no income can
make...You and your animal instincts...So, Mr. Sow-your-
wild-oats-at-50, as if what you did wasn't bad
enough but with our own mother for god's sake."
Bud: <to Al>"Thanks for everything, Johnny Appleseed."
Bud: " Do you think it's safe for mom to have a baby at her age?
What is she? A million?"
Bud: " Look, it's Harry Hormone <Al>."
<Peg is eating in bed>
Peg: " I don't know about you but I'm horny as hell."
Al: " So am I but you don't see me bothering you about it."
Peg: " If you don't, it won't see you fail until you take it to
work with you...come on Al."
Al: " I don't know what turns me on more: the sexy failure talk
or the baloney shrapnel hitting me in the face."
Peg: " Are you as happy as me?"
Al: " How could I be?"
Peg: " It's your baby, too!"
Al: " Oh, I thought you said heavy."
Peg: " What should we name the baby?"
Al: " The reaper."
Peg: " We were talking about breast swell."
Al" " Congrats, Marcie, you finally get to go bra shopping."
Marcie: " Well, Al, you above anyone should know how much easier
it is to lug small things around."
Al: " What did I do?"
Bud: " You still don't know, do you?"
Al: " Don't look at me, I wasn't even awake."
Episode 602: Al & Jefferson are running away
--------------------------------------------
<Al's rubbing Peg's belly>
Peg: " Al, I don't feel the fatherhood flowing through me."
Al: <looking at Peg's belly>" You may not have felt it but it's
obviously there."
Al: " I sometimes think, who could be stupid enough to buy these
cheap shoes I sell but then someone knocked up my next door
neighbor, so I think anything is possible."
<Kids are stupid>
Al: <to Peg>" It's not because they didn't have a wave machine. It's
because your parents were brother and sister."
Jefferson: " Having sex with your pregnant wife is like putting
gas in a car that you've already wrecked."
Jefferson: " Why are you running, Al?"
Al: " Can you seriously look at me and ask that?"
Jefferson: " Where are you going?"
Al: " Where the shoemen run wild. Where there's never heard
an impregnating word. And the hooters run free all day."
Al: <about baby>" He's already got one up on the others. He's already
smarter than Kelly and closer to a woman than Bud will ever get.
What a pair of losers."
Episode 604: Kelly is a pool shark
----------------------------------
NOTE: Ed O'Neill puts on a great performance in this episode
Kelly: " Dad, can I have $1000?"
Al: " Get it from Bud. I just gave him a million."
Kelly: " That's the story of my life: a dollar short and a week late."
Peg: " I've got to go to the doctor. I want you to come with me."
Al: " I never came with you before."
Peg: " Don't get me started. I was talking about the doctor."
Peg: " Why are you the father of my child?"
Al: " You should have thought of that 5 months ago."
Peg: " I thought you'd get suspicious is he showed any signs of
promise."
<Al's watching TV>
TV: " Stay tuned for our after-school special: 'I Drink Cos My Dad's
a Shoesalesman'"
Marcie: " Jefferson's been coming home late smelling of cigarettes and
exotic beer. Where's he been?"
Al: " If he comes home to you probably a bar with really ugly
women."
Al: " I've been running all over town selling blood to 9
blood banks."
Jefferson: " But the human body only has 8 pints."
Al: " That's what they say but the brain hides some."
Al: " Failure was in my blood. Guess I don't have to worry about that
anymore."
<Al drinking after giving blood>
Al: " The brain doesn't need blood. It just needs to be kept wet.
Episode 605: Anti-Baby Meeting
------------------------------
Al: " We take a state no one's using, one they don't care about, say,
Idaho, take all the preganant women, shove 'em in a donut truck
and ship 'em off to Boise...We have Pregnaho, PMSachusetts, but
where we're going is called Breast Virginia."
Al: " This is what happens when we let Pregnasuars rule the Earth. We
have one in our very house: The Great Red Pregzilla. Are we
gonna let her se us with our legs in the air?"
Bud: " I can't speak for Kelly but she won't see me that way."
<Al & the kids are working on demands>
Al: " Demand 340..."
Kelly: " Love and affection?"
Al: " It has to be something we all want."
Bud: " I want clean dry sheets...It gets humid in my room."
Kelly: " Dancing with a rubber woman will do that to ya."
Episode 607: Al gets glasses
----------------------------
Al: " People who sell shoes to fat women in skirts should
not have 20/20 vision."
<Al drove into a river>
Al: " Does it occur to anyone that I read 'Bridge Ends Here'
just fine and just floored it?"
<Al picks up the TV guide while he can't see>
Bud: " Who is on the cover?"
Al: " Raymond Burr."
Bud: " That's Delta Burke."
Al: " Raymond Burr, Delta Burke, tell me I'm the first one to
make that mistake."
<Al picks up the TV guide while he has glasses>
Al: " There he is, Raymond Burr."
Kelly: " That's Delta Burke."
Al: " Raymond Burr, Delta Burke, city of Seattle, it's all
the same."
Kelly: " I've got something that will cheer you up."
Bud: " What, you make customer of the week again at the free clinic?"
<Al has glasses>
Al: " I'm going out and take in some of the beauty that out fair
city has to offer...I'll be at the nudie bar."
<Al picks up a picture of Peg. He has glasses>
Al: " What the hell is this?"
Bud: " That's mom."
Al: " I didn't ask for all this!"
<Al gits rid of glasses>
Al: " I may not see too well. I may kill a few people and run into
a river or two but it's better than looking stupid."
Episode 608: God's Shoes
------------------------
Al: " A fat woman came into the store and said she was a size 5.
I stuck her hoof into the shoe. My thumb got stuck, she
paniced, reared up, and galloped around the store, dragging
me behind. Thank god a stick of butter fell from her purse
and I was able to grease my thumb and escape."
Kelly: " How do you feel, daddy."
Al: " Like a guy who just feel 2 stories: grateful not to be
with your mom."
Al: " Why didn't you dial 911?"
Kelly: " I couldn't remember the number."
<Al saw God>
Bud: " Maybe we can get you a gig going 'Coocoo (?) for Coconuts.'"
<Al recites the Shoe Commandments>
Al: " Thou shall have shoes with toes stitched in. Thou shall have
socks attached to the shoes. Thou shall have other things
coming forthwith."
<Al's on weirdo talk show>
Marcie: " This is what you booked him on?"
Jefferson: " Every time I called Oprah, it seemed to be lunch."
Kelly: " Sure dad's idea might be stupid. But so was the mood ring,
the pet rock, and NBC's Sunday night line up."
Episode 610: Kelly's TV show, PT 2
----------------------------------
Bud: " What's that guy that I haven't got?"
Kelly: " Should I start above or below the waist?"
Bud: " Why, just yesterday you said that when you were little you used
to water things smarter than Kelly."
Al: " Well, you were the one that said,'What's the difference
between an elephant and Kelly? One's grey, has 4 legs and a
trunk & the other's a moron."
Al: < to TV exec >"Let's run it up the flag pole and see if it waves.
This guy has fighting footwear. It's called Kung Shoe. Ok, let's
throw it in the oven and see if it bakes. It's set in the 24th
century. It's called Shoe Trek. Ok, let's throw it in the
bedroom and see if Madonna sleeps with it.It doesn't have anything
to do with shoes but I want to work personally with it.It's called
Breasts."
Guy: " I just don't feel it."
Al: " It doesn't surprise me."
Al: " There's something good that came out of all this. Nothing bad
happened to me. It's possible that the Bundy cloud of failure
has passed over me and onto my kids like I only dreamed
possible."
Episode 611: Al dreams of becomming a Private Eye
-------------------------------------------------
Al: " Peg, you can stab me with knives,
you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes
during sex but there's no way on earth you can make me get
a second job."
<Beautiful lady comes in>
Al: <thinking>" One look at her beautiful thighs and I knew that I
had to play this out 'til the bitter end or at least 'til I
saw some hooters."
Lady: " I don't have much to offer. How does $100 sound?"
Al: <aloud>" I'll pay it."
Al: <to babe>"Sit down and show me your tail...eh, tell me your tale."
Al: <thinking>" She had a set of curves like the Matterhorn (?). This
time there were no Japanese tourists waiting in line ahead of me
for a ride."
Old Guy: " Who are you?"
Al: " Your worst nightmare: a shoeman with a badge."
Old Guy: " No, my worst nightmare is a hooker with cold hands."
Al: <to Kelly>" Pumpkin, if daddy gets the chair will you sit in
his lap one more time."
Al: " I ran. You would too if you had a price on your head or a bad
burrito in your belly."
Lady: " They'll put me away for 20 years. Will you wait for me?"
Al: " What for, you'll be old."
Peg: " I'll get some aspirin and we can sit hear and solve the case
of the wife who's not getting any."
Al: " Kids, Mom is she..."
Bud: " repulsed by you?"
Kelly: " disappointed financially and sexually by you?"
Al: " No, I don't care about that. Is she pregnant?"
Kids: " No."
Al: " Marcie?"
Kelly: <to Bud about Al>" Is he crazy?"
Bud: " He must be. He didn't ask about you."
Episode 612: Shoe Groupie
-------------------------
<lottery is at 32 million>
Peg: " 32 million dollars. That's a lot of money even split three
ways."
Kelly: " Aren't we forgetting someone?"
Peg: " Of course, four ways. How could I forget Buck?"
Bud: " I'll give some of mine to the unfortunate. The unfortunate
babes that don't know what it's like to have a Bud in their
hand."
Kelly: " If anyone knew what that'd feel like, it'd be you."
Kelly: " You shouldn't get a full share. You were left on the steps
by trolls."
Bud: " At least when the doctor smacked me when I was born, I cried
instead of saying,' OOH, do it again.'"
Kelly: " Did I talk to the doctor?"
Peg: " Of course not, you didn't learn to talk 'til you were 10."
<They don't win>
Kelly: " Nothing for 12 weeks, is that some sort of record?"
Peg: " Not for me."
<Al touches Bud>
Al: " My child."
<Al touches kelly>
Al: " My child."
<Al touches Peg>
Al: " My God!"
Al: " I've never cheated on you and if you think you're only a tad
over 30 then I was only a tad drunk at our wedding."
Fat Lady: " I want my money back. I've worn these shoes only once
and they split at the sides."
Al: " Let me explain. Just like an elevator, there's a 2 ton
weight limit. How about I just nail the soles to the
bottom of your feet to give you added traction while
you're pulling the ice wagon."
Fat Lady: " You'll be hearing from my lawyers."
Al: " Is that the firm of Hagen & Daus?"
<babe hits on Al>
Kelly: " This might just be the shoe groupie."
Bud: " You're gonna make some man a good end table one day."
Kelly: " They didn't have intercourse or anything like that."
Bud: " He tickled her feet and then he ate her muffins."
Peg: " It's not only sex. He's eating with her, too."
Peg: " You can forget about having se with me ever again."
Al: " I already did."
Al: " I can see why all of you think I'm cheating on my wife.
After all, she did bear my kids."
Al: " I should've done it. I should've eaten her muffins and,
before I fell asleep, given her the best 30 seconds of
her life."
<babe is naked in Al's bed>
Al: " This is a sex free house and, if I have any say about it,
it'll stay that way."
Episode 613: Al makes a will
----------------------------
Al: " I'm 45. I've lived, I've loved and then I even married."
Al: <to Peg>"Do you remember the name of the cheerleader I liked
before I got drunk and woke up married to you?"
<Al's ex-flame is fat>
Sandy: " Do you like what you see?"
Al: " I don't know. I haven't taken it all in yet."
<Al's trying to get ball back from fat old girlfriend>
Al: " You know I only dance if I'm gonna get some sex for it."
<She gives him the look>
Al: <thinking>"That sure opened an ugly door"
Girl: " Remember our song? Dance with me if it comes on."
Al: " Only if it comes on."
<Radio starts playing that song>
Al: " Good one, God."
<Bundy's come home with a ton of loot>
Peg: " Thank's for taking us with you, Al."
Kelly: " Can we do this again?"
Al: " Well it's not everyday an uncle dies and the coroner leaves
the door unlocked."
Guy: " Don't push it, Bundy. There's laws in this state against
stealing, not to mention overlowing a dead man's toilet."
<Al's looking for things to put in his will>
Al: " My mistake was looking in the present. I should look in the
past, Pre-Peg. I'll give my #33 jersey to Peggy. That's how
old she'll tell her next husband she is. I'll give my MVP
trophy to Kelly to go along with hers. Though I wonder how she
got an MVP trophy never having played football....I'll give my
game ball to Bud, the carrier and the future of the Bundy seed
and, by the way it looks, the last."
Episode 614: Ethical Dilemma
----------------------------
Al: " They must have had a good game of 'pin the tail on the
shoesaleman' in heaven today. This middle aged woman came into
the store wearing a blossom hat for the 'I'm just a cute little
thing of 43' look. She was looking for something to wear to a
Crosby-Stills-Nash reunion concert so I recommended a recycable
paper bag to put on her head to save the Earth two ways. She
maced me but, as I lashed out blindly, I think I clipped some
teeth. She'll be gumming the words to 'Teach the Children.'"
Peg: " I've invited the Darcy's over to play 'Ethical Dilemma.'"
Al: " I don't want to spend the night with two people I can't stand &
Jefferson."
Al: " It gets better each time as long as it's with the same woman."
Jefferson: " Will it always be like this, Al?"
Al: " I will be just like this except we'll be wearing Depends
Undergarments."
Peg: " That;s not your feminine side."
Al: " My feminine side is on the couch watching Oprah.
Occasionally pushing aside a breast to scratch a knee."
Kelly: " Let's have a boy to girl talk. Pretend you're the boy."
Bud: " Should I take a number and get in line behind the 27 sailors?"
Jefferson: " Al's not moving his thimble down the road to sexual
intimacy."
Peg: " Geez, that's a first."
Jefferson: " I'm trying to win but I keep landing on 'Date a Kennedy --
Loose a turn.'"
Episode 615: Zeus Shoes
-----------------------
Bud: " Mom, we're starving."
Peg: " Why are you looking at me? Do I look like Sally Struthers?"
Al: " You don't get it. do you?"
Peg: " You should know that better than anyone else."
Marcie: " Peg, have you seen these blue disks for the toilet. It's
perfect for Al besides a 6 foot wide toilet with high walls
for the problem aimer...<to Al>...So now, unlike your
career, you have something to shoot for."
<Bud teaches Peg football>
Kelly: " Can I teach her stats?"
Bud: " Go ahead."
Kelly: " Well, there's Alaska, Alabama, Brazil, and the 2 Georgia's:
North and South."
Episode 616: Bud turns 18
-------------------------
Al: " Once a boy becomes a man, he's a man all his life, but
a woman is only sexy 'til she becomes your wife"
Al: " I'm giving you six bucks. You'll be tempted to spend it all
on the first girl. Don't do it. Six dollars is too much to
spend on any girl."
<Buck gets it on with the pony>
Buck: " I hope it was as good for whatever it was as it was for me.
What do I care? I got mine."
Al: " Well, I chalked up some more frequent loser miles today. The
Dept. of Juvenile Corrections bussed some kids over to the
the shoe store to see me work. The guards made 'em watch for
for 3 hours. Even the most hardened criminals were in tears.
It's a new program called 'Scared Rich.' Who's going to be
the last straw today?"
Peg: " Allllllllll!"
Al: " What a suprise?"
Al: " Through the generations, male Bundy's and looking at hooters
that don't belong to them go hand in hand."
Al: " You're first bar room fight, like every male Bundy before him.
How do you feel?"
<Bud spits out a tooth>
Bud: " Great, but what do we tell mom?"
Al: " You're a man now. You look her straight in the eye and tell
her we were stuck in traffic."
Episode 618: Madame Zelda
-------------------------
Al: <looking up>" Oh, mighty one who created the heavens and the
earth...<looking down>and you who created my wife and kids, why
does thou curse me with a TV yet no TV guide?"
Al: " I have a woman so lame that she thinks that when I groan in
bed that it has something to do with her. Bud wouldn't know
the house was on fire if it wasn't on 'Nick At Nite.' And
the only reason that Kelly has a head is to keep the rain
out of her neck."
Al: " I'm thinking of expansion."
Jefferson: " What kind of expansion?"
Al: " The kind where I keep my woman in ermine and pearls...
and I won't forget you, Peg."
Jefferson: " We should keep it simple. You're in & you're out. Just
like sex."
Al: " I am that cheese."
Peg: " Alllll!"
Al: " Here is the anchovy that no one will touch."
Peg: " I have a gift. I've been touched."
Al: " Not by me."
Peg: " Al, you're meddling with powers which, like a woman's body,
you know nothing about."
<Buck comes in as a person. The Bundy's are chimps>
Al: " Did you give the money to Madame Zelda?"
Buck: " I used it for bail. Nobody told me it was impolite for
humans, when they met a woman, to go up and sniff their
butt."
Episode 619: Anthrax visits the Bundy's
---------------------------------------
Bud: " Can I have a party?"
Al : " I have my own problems to worry about. I have something terrible
to do. Let's just say it involves your mother, our anniversary,
and marking love to her until I shrivel up and die."
Jefferson: " Do you want to tell me why you had your mouth around
my exhaust pipe?"
Al: <coughing throughout>" My wife wants me to make love
to her."
Peg: " Al, I want the whole enchilada. The whole 4 yards."
Al: " That's 9 yards, Peg."
Peg: " Do you really want me to get out the ruler?"
<Anthrax looks through the Bundy's fridge>
Joey: " Oh,the desolation. It's almost empty except for a chia pet."
Bud: " That's not a chia pet, it's meat loaf. There's mom's mystery
pack...They're eating mom's mystery pack.
Joey: " Wow, the colors."
Charlie: " Is your lump moving?"
Scott: " My hands are tingling."
Joey: " It came out of the fridge, why is it hot?"
Episode 620: Kelly joins Alpha / Al & Jefferson build a workbench
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Kelly: " If you're stupid and you know it, punch a nerd."
<Al's trying to put in a screw>
Al: " I can't find the hole."
<Marcie pats Peg knowingly>
Peg: " Don't you have enough things plugged in?"
Al: " The only experience you have is with things that use
batteries."
Kelly: " Do you think I'm stupid?"
Al: " Well...stupid's a relative term."
Kelly: " You're a relative, that's why I'm asking you."
Bud: " Remember Pig Parties in high school...well you're at
one now."
Kelly: " I don't believe you."
Bud: " Let me show you."
<They introduce themselves to the guests>
Kelly: " Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm a model."
Guy 1: " Hi, I'm a Los Angelas public school teacher."
Kelly: <to Bud>"I still don't believe you."
Guy 2: " Hi, I'm a network executive."
Kelly: " That doesn't prove a thing."
<Bud shows her a picture of last year's winner: Dan Quayle>
Al: " I got everything right here <in a box>"
Peg: " You bought 'shower in a box?'"
Al: " I couldn't afford it. Years ago I bought 'wife on a couch.'"
Peg: " Hold me, Al. I want this moment to last forever."
Al: " Don't worry. Every minute with you seems like forever."
Al: " Where's the spirit of 'do it yourself?'"
Peg: " It's alive and well in our bedroom."
<Kelly can't open door>
Bud: " Kelly, let me help you: Push in, pull out."
Kelly: " How should I remember that?"
Bud: " Push, unlike pull, begins with a 'p.'"
Kelly: " Ahhh."
Kelly: " I've got brains. I want to show the world that brains and
good knockers go hand-in-hand."
Episode 621: Bud Dates Teacher
------------------------------
< Ding Dong >
Bud: " A half-hour early. I know how she feels, sometimes
I can't wait to touch myself either...Er, you know what I
mean"
Peg: " I'm afraid we do"
Bud: <to Kelly>"Listen, craftmatic adjustable girl."
<Bud's trying to choose which one to date>
Al: " Do you know why I wore ole number 33 in high school?"
Bud: " Because all the money you ever had was 33 cents?"
Al: " No, it's because that's how deep the line was to ride the
Wild Bundy."
Bud: " How do I choose?"
Al: " Before they both leave you, choose one...< peg yells > but
we don't always choose wisely."
Bud: " What if I choose wrong?"
Al: " You will."
Al: <to old substitute teacher>" You cradle robber. You Cher. I
know what you want, Miss Gabor. The great Bundy fortune. You
take my son and have your way sexualy with him. Son, are you
really going out with Prune face over here. How many young
boys and happy homes have you wrecked in you 1000 years. I
know my son's almost a virgin. I've called the proper
authorities...< cops come in >...There she is, the strumpet
with the blue hair. And she lied about her age, too. The last
time she saw 40 was 1840."
Bud: <thinking>"It can't get worse."
Al: " oh, Bud, your mother needs tampons."
Bud: <thinking>"That did it...I must be dreaming. I know what will
wake me up. I'll get up in front of the class and drop my
pants and the embarassment will wake me up...< he drops pants >
I dreampt I'm not wearing any underwear, too."
<Al comes back in>
Al: " An another thing...." < he sees Bud, shakes his head, throws
up his arms and leaves>
Episode 622: Kelly works at TV Land
-----------------------------------
Al: " Peg, I don't want to be bothered"
Peg: " But, Alllllllll"
Al: " Sorry, Peg, the captain has turned on the 'No Peg' sign"
Bud: " Vengeance shall be mine"
Kelly: " Then vengeance can't be a woman"
Kid 1: " What was it like on Happy Days?"
Jefferson: " I told you my name was Darcy"
Kid 2: " Was that your name on the Love Boat?"
< Ted McKinnley "Jefferson" was on the Love Boat >
<Bud comes in wearing a 6-hand bug costume>
Kelly: " You know Bud, if you had another hand, you'd have a date
for every night of the week"
Kelly: " A fat woman was there today. She was wearing a mumu that
covered what must have been 3 or 4 heines. Now, she could
have either gone through a big door or a small turnstyle.
Which does she choose? There was a line forming. Luckily,
I got a tub of butter from the 'Delta Burke: Let's get fat'
exhibit and greased her up. Then I went over to the Star
trek exhibit, hot wired the Enterprise, and sent it up
where no man has gone before."
<Kelly plays a superhero bug exterminator>
Tour Guide: " Do you kids have any questions for the verminator?"
Bud: " Does the Verminator want to tell the kids in which
backseat she'll be appearing tonight in case they
want to further their education?"
Kelly: <whispering>"Don't do this to me, Bud."
Tour Guide: " Any other questions?"
Bud: " I see you wear a cape yet no underwear...Is that so you
can more easily change into your alter ego: a mild
mannered sex toy for the Navy?"
Episode 623: Al works in a gas station
--------------------------------------
<Al's pumping gas>
Marcie: " Here's something you haven't heard from a woman in a
while 'Fill Her Up' or do I have to confirm the rumors
and tell you where to put the nozzle."
Al: " Marriage leads to everything bad in life: work, kids, Habib
shirts."
Peg: " Mom called. She got on the scale and it said 380. She's been
374 since high school so she thinks she may be gettint fat."
Al: " Maybe there's 6 pounds of foodstuck between her teeth."
Peg: " How that woman loves you. Thank god she can't hear you."
Al: " Thank god she can't eat me!"
<He's working to pay off what the family took>
Al: " Oh, no you don't Bud. It's you're turn to be Habib."
<Bud puts on Habib shirt. Five babes in bikinis pull up>
Babes: " Hi, we're the Swedish Bikini team. We're looking for
guys named Habib."
<Bud gets in car and they drive off. Al is stunned. Another car
pulls up>
Ugly Woman: " Hi, we're the Chicago Bowling team. We're looking
for guys named Al."
<Al gets in the car after a moment's thought.>
Episode 624: Lower Uncton, Pt 1
-------------------------------
Fat Lady: " Are ye done with my horse?"
Seamus Bundy: " I had to send out for parts to reinforce his feet and
to hang a sign around his neck saying,' I'm with
fatso.'"
Fat Lady: " You're tongue is strong."
Seamus Bundy: " Not as strong as yon seams in yon dress keeping yon
belly off yon feet."
Fat Lady: " You and all the male Bundys will be hated and Lower
Uncton will be forever in darkness."
Seamus Bundy: " What are you going to do? Float overhead."
Bud: " I'm going to get me a handful of British babe. After years
of drinking warm ale, they're gonna find out that nothing
beats a Bud."
Kelly: " Oh, don't forget that the inflatable babes blow up on the
left side."
<The Bundy's are on there way over to England>
Pilot: " Would the passenger in 24B <Al> please put his shoes back
on. I'm choking up here."
Peg: " Alllll"
Al: " Oh please, the show the movie 'Dutch' and they say I stink."
Jefferson: " I put all our traveller's checks in our luggage. I
didn't want any unsightly bulges in my jacket."
Marcie: " Soon, there won't be any in your pants, either."
Peg: " This is 'Speaker's Square.' It's where people go to hear any
idiot spout off about nothing."
<Al is heard addressing a crowd>
Al: " I hate women. I don't like 'em. You're English but even you
can't like women. It's like when you're watching sports.
That's the one time that they decide to plant their, what
you call bums and ask you 'Remember when we were in that
restaurant 18 years ago. Was the waitress pretty?'...I gotta
go 'cos I see the wife coming. Now, I don't have a solution
but could I get a 'Woo, I hate women?'"
Crowd: " Woo, I hate women."
Al: " Oh, am I alone in hating the French."
Crowd: " No!"
Al: " I though not."
Jefferson: " I though Michael Caine was on the 5 pund note?"
Marcie: " It's Queen Elizabeth."
Jafferson: " Just my luck to run into the one person who could
tell the difference."
Episode 625: Lower Uncton, Pt 2
-------------------------------
Peg: < to Al >" You know, except for the kids and you being here, this
is like a second honeymoon."
<A family screams at the Bundy's and runs away>
Peg: " We're only Americans. Why's they run?"
Al: " They must be French. It takes so little."
Episode 626: Lower Uncton, Pt 3
-------------------------------
<Al raises arms and crowd screams>
Peg: " They'll stop screaming when you lower your arms, most people
do."
Al: <about women>" ...They'll eat up your money. They'll kill your
will to live. You've heard of them. But kids, just say no to
marriage."
Customs Officer: " Do you have anything to declare?"
Peg: " Yes, my husbands an idiot."
Bud: " I can't believe that my life depends on dad's ability to
joust."
Peg: " It's better than his ability to earn a living."
<Al and guy are in chains in jail>
Al: " What do they serve you in here?"
Guy: " Bread and water."
Al: " Then it's truly the best vacation I've ever had."
Episode 701: The Bundy's Get a New Kid
--------------------------------------
< Peg's cousins left >
Al: " You let them go. That has to be the stupidest move in
history...Well, the second, the first was when I answered
the phone the day after we had sex."
Episode 702: Kelly says NO
--------------------------
Al: " Is it our anniversary again!"
Peg: " No"
Al: " Then why are you touching me?"
Peg: " I'm tired of touching myself"
Al: " I don't blame you"
Peg: " We had plenty to talk about when we first met"
Al: " Well, Peg, that was before I got to know you. There was a lot of
things I had to find out. Stuff like: how far she'd go on a
6-pack, would it be fun for you to watch me and your friend
Joan, and did she actually see Deep Throat"
Peg: " Yea, and there was that thing I kept wondering: how could a man
with such big shoes have such a teeny, weeny, tiny, little...
Al: " Peg!"
Marcie: " Honey, tell everyone how that article on temporary male
impotance has given you the courage to try, try again. You
should see him. He's so cute going: I think I can, I think
I can."
Jefferson: " That's after four times of making her shake like a
California quake"
Marcie: " And like Los Angeles, I'm still waiting for the Big One"
Peg: " I'd settle for an after-shock...You should see Al...Oh
snoogums, it's kinda cute, though. It's like Ground Hog's
Day. Peeking out of its hole, seeing its shadow, getting
scared and running away.
Al: " It's not its shadow that it's scared of"
Peg: " It's cute as the dickens, though.
Al: " Well, not as cute as my little Bermuda Triangle"
Episode 704: Al becomes a bartender
-----------------------------------
<The scene is in the living room, Bud is on the couch and Kelly
is coming downstairs.>
Kelly: " What's the time?"
Bud: " 3 o'clock."
Kelly: " 3 AM or BM?"
Bud: <slightly confused/laughing." That would be BM in your terms."
Kelly <strikes back>" Why would they call it BM if it stands for
post meridian ? Sometimes I think I am the only person with
brains on this remote planet called earth!"
Seven: " Dad, where do babies come from?"
Al: " Normally, a 6-pack and 2 horny teenagers"
Seven: " Dad, what's retirement?"
Al: " It's when a woman marries and a man dies"
Kelly: " Doctor? Mom never took us to a doctor. I rememeber I had
a 109 degree fever and all she did was bleach my hair."
Bud: " Well, you know what she says 'Bleach a cold, raise a beaver'"
<Bud & Kelly are outside freezing>
Kelly: " Help us"
Marcie: " I can't. I'm a Republican."
Peg: " Is that money in your pants, Al, or are you just...well, let's
face it, we both know it's money."
Episode 705: Peg wants sex
--------------------------
Al: <to Peg>"You're down here? I must've drempt that you ran off
with that dwarf and that I lived in sin with that playmate
and her 8 roommates who can speak but choose not to."
Peg: " Besides me, who would point out that your teeth have turned
the same color of yellow as your underwear and that you
have more hair in your nose than on your head?"
Peg: " I want sex."
Al: " So do I, but I don't drag you into it."
Al: <about sex>"Men have to do all the work. I'd love to just lie
there and do nothing throw out the occasional 'Oh, Baby.'"
Seven: " What's the difference between men and women.?"
Al: " One works and the other's a woman."
<Peg has lingerie on>
Peg: " Can you look at me in the eye and honestly tell me you
don't want sex?"
Al: " I can look at you anywhere and say that."
Episode 706: Bud starts a fraternity ( Alpha Gonna Get Em)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Al: " No, I don't regret not going to college, because then
I might not have married you. And then what would have
become of me? I probably would've spent a meaningless
existence ordering pizza and hookers 'til I died
with a slice of pizza in one hand and a greasy
hooter in the other."
Jefferson: " You just described what it was like at my fraternity."
Al: " Oh, why do we have to go out, Peg? It's bad enough that I
know we're married, do we have to let the whole world know?"
<The Bundys and Rhodes are deciding about a movie>
Bud: " It's my own special cologne. I call it 'A Touch of Bud.'"
Kelly: " If anyone knows what 'A Touch of Bud' is, it must be you."
<...Still deciding on a movie>
Marcie: " Here's one. A story of a young Peruvian girl who gets a
bicycle."
Al: " Any hooters?"
<...And they still can't decide>
Al: " Boobies, boobies, boobies..."
<Kelly come in>
Al: " Oh, Hi, pumpkin."
Kelly: " I haven't heard that since the one day my friend and I were
walking down the street and this old guy in a Dodge drove
by...Oh,Dad!!"
<Kelly and Seven are playing Scrabble>
Kelly: " Ha, double word score!"
Seven: " NBC isn't a word."
Kelly: " It's a word. It just isn't a network."
Episode 707: Al leads a tax revolt
----------------------------------
<Al's walking down the street>
Guy: " Car broken down again? No one to give you a ride?"
Al: " I should've called your wife. She gives everyone a ride."
<Al comes home drunk>
Kelly: " I don't like to see him like this."
Bud: " I don't like to see him happy, either."
Al: " Marcie, do you drink? If you look at yourself in the mirror,
you must."
Al: " Kids, come down here. I've got something important to
tell you."
Kelly: " Finally, he's gonna tell me I'm not really his kid."
Bud: " He's gonna tell me I'm not his kid."
Kelly: " But you look just like him."
Bud: " That was really low...Dad, who's our father?"
Al: " Well, a thousand blood tests say it's me."
<The Bundy's go to vote>
Lady: " Is this your first time?"
Bud: " Why does everyone look at me and assume I'm a virgin.
Would a virgin know the names and last book read by
every Playmate for the last 10 years? I know the female
body like my hand...er, I mean like the back of my hand."
Lady: " I mean, is this your first time voting."
Bud: " Where do I go and what do I do with it?"
Lady: " I bet you've asked that before."
Lady: <to Kelly>"Here honey, take a ballot. Hell, this is
Chicago, take two."
Al: " I'm not voting again. Just like marriage, no matter who
you pick, it always turns out bad."
Al: " Give me beer or give me death...or both. Let's pillage."
<Beer people go on rampage>
News lady: " People should stay in and order pizza tonight. But if
they go out, they should stay away from restaurants
that begin with 'Cafe.' As if they need to be told, all
Frenchmen should stay in hiding. They're leader is a
balding man who says,' I sell shoes dammit and I'm
stinking drunk.'"
Episode 709: Old Aid
--------------------
Peg: <to Kelly>" Some man, or some men, are going to be happy to have
you one day."
Al: " Just think of it. We're partying with the geeaers of rock...
speaking of geezers, Bud, where's your mother?"
<to Spencer>
Peg: " You're who I think of when I have sex with my husband."
<to Peter>
Peg: " You're who I think of when I have sex with my husband."
<a third time>
Peg: " You're who I think of when I have sex with my husband."
<yet again>
Peg: " You're who I think of when I <she sees it's Al>...clean
behind the toilet."
<about Al joining Old Aid>
Peg: " Come on, Al. It'll be just like singing in the shower...if
you sang...or showered."
Episode 710: Al buys a funeral plot
-----------------------------------
Al: " Look at the Duke. One of his finest films: 'I Shoot 'Em
'Cos They're Injuns.'" As a woman viewer, what's your
opinion?"
Kelly: " Daddy, I'd rather be reading. Does that tell you something?"
Al: " That tells me you're a girl and your opinion means less to
me than the dog's."
Al: " Fuzzy McGee, he's still alive and he's still working. In fact,
he just did a commercial for those adult diapers, 'Soak Ems.'
You know, for those times when you just can't say 'Wooh.'"
Al: " Peg, good news!"
Peg: " They raise minimum wage for the bald?"
Marcie: " Marriage is sacred. That's why I'm going to be buried
next to my husband, Steve."
Jefferson: " I'm you husband now. And we're not in bed, so there's
no reason to call me Steve."
Marcie: " Don't take it personally. Every woman screams 'Steve'
while having sex."
Jefferson: " Come with me Marcie and I'll rock the Steve right out
of you."
Marcie: " It works every time."
Peg: " Al, why don't you rock me."
Al: " 'Cos I'd rather stone you."
Peg: " You men have no respect for the women that put you into
the grave."
Funeral Director: " You're planning you funeral early. Do you have
some terminal disease?"
Al: " Yes, marriage."
Funeral Director: " Marriage does seem to prepare you for death."
Funeral Director: " You people dying?"
Kelly: " No, virings <Bud> are always pale."
Bud: " That explains the healthy hue on her."
Peg: " Kids, do you think daddy should wear his wedding ring when
he's dead."
Al: " I married you 'til death do us part. So when I'm dead, I'm
free to date."
Peg: " This is your final resting place? There is no room for me."
Al: " That's why they call it a resting place."
<Al & Peg are making the funeral plans>
Peg: <to Al>" Just pretend we're in bed and let me take care of
everyting."
Episode 711: The Old College Try
--------------------------------
Marcie: " What's that on your face? Have the big boys been rubbing
your face in the dirt again?"
Bud: " It's a beard. Surely you've seen one before in the mirror."
Babe: " What's that on you face?"
Bud: " How does it look with my checkbook?"
Babe: " Oooh, sexy."
Bud: " Yea, and I love you for mind."
Marcie: " You can see your wife's ashes in 10 minutes."
Old Guy: " They won't let me see my wife."
Al: " Take a look at mine. That'll cure you."
Guy: " Are you depositing the whole 10 cents?"
Al: " Do I look japanese? I'd like 5 cents back please. Give it to
me in ones."
Al: <to Bud>" Me being a high school sports star. God, it must have
been tough following in my shadow. Then that left time for the
chicks, but your personality took care of that. Then you started
bringing home report cards with straight A's. God, was I
embarassed."
<Bud drills hole into wall to see girls next door>
Al: " That's low son....That's too low. All you'll see is kneecaps."
Episode 713: Bud sleeps with cousin's Fiancee
---------------------------------------------
<You don't see Peg and Al. You just hear them>
Peg: " It just hangs there lifelessly"
Al: " It's mine, Peg"
Peg: " I'll straighten it out"
Al: " It's too long"
Peg: " Women like it long"
Al: " I'm the one that's gotta lug it along"
<You then see Al and his tie is way too long>
<Bud has just had sex with the bride>
Kelly: " What did you do?"
Bud: " A gentleman never tells. I had sex and I was good."
Kelly: " Oh my God"
Bud: " That's what she said twice"
Kelly: " What, once when you undressed and once when you put your
bunny slippers on?"
Bud: " Save it for someone not getting any, like mom. Talk all
you want, nothing can bring me down"
Kelly: " You just had sex with your cousin Jimmy's fiancee."
Bud: " That did it."
Peg: " Say you love me."
Al: " I love beer and bowling. I don't want to cheapen the word."
Peg: " This is a historical first. We're in the bedroom and I'm
waiting for you to finish."
Marcie: " How are these kids gonna know right from wrong. They
need a man in their lives."
Jefferson: " What are you gonna do? Move in with them."
Al: " I'd look good in makeup. I'd be a killer looking babe in a
masculine sort of way. I could highligh my eyes. They're my
best quality. Baby blue. Just like Sinatra, Newman, the sea.
Then there's my second best quality. I'm known for my killer
butt."
Peg: " yea, it has more hair on it than your head."
Al: " It doesn't wake up looking at you in the morning."
<Bud's heading to his bedroom with the bride again>
Peg: " What a lovely bride."
Al: " Well, it looks like we have a while 'til the wedding."
Episode 714: Al's vacation
--------------------------
<Al, Peg, & Marcie got on vacation>
Bud: " The hooters, they'll be a jiggling."
Kelly: " Just don't hurt you hands on the staples."
Seven: " I'm hungry."
Bud: " Kelly's stupid. No one's helping her."
Marice: " Jefferson didn't even see me slip out of bed this morning."
Al: " Maybe he's still out cold after seeing you slip into bed
last night."
<Peg & Marcie are fighting>
Al: "Girls, girls, girls. Who am I kiddin? Seas hags..."
Kelly: " I have a thought."
<Bud & Jefferson laugh at her>
Jefferson: " That's almost as funny as you <Bud> begin good looking."
Peg: " Al, I'm not proud of you. Why would I talk about you?"
Marcie: " Oh, yea. Who said, 'What's the difference between Al Bundy
and an egg? An egg takes 3 minutes to be done.'"
Episode 715: Kelly gets a Harley
--------------------------------
Al: " I don't want to turn on men so I come to the expert. Peg,
how do you not turn on me."
Girl: <grabs Bud's butt>" Good things come in small packages."
Kelly: " Then you should have him turn around."
Kelly: " I'm keeping my bike. It'll keep me young."
Bud: " It's not a time machine."
Kelly: " It's not your body, either, so keep your hands off it."
Kelly: <to Al>" You're right motorcycles are dangerous. Cars
are much safer. I didn't feel anything when I hit you."
Al: " God, for once I'm actually glad to be home."
Al: " This tall brunette came into the store to buy a pair of
size 12 pumps. She had a garter belt on and silk stockings
like I like. Then she uncrossed her legs like in Basic
Instinct.
Peg: " Did you see it all?"
Al: " Yes, it was a guy."
Al: " Do you think I'm..."
Peg: " Gay?"
Al: " Just 'cos I was vaguely excited touching a man's leg and I
don't want to touch you. No, I'm not worried about my
sexuality."
Al: <to Bud>" Do you think that she <babe> was a woman? Just 'cos
she looks like one doesn't mean..."
Bud: " Did you walk into the wrong nudie bar again?"
Al: " How was I supposed to know what the song "Macho Man" meant. It
had a good beat and I was dancing with it. I thought all the
girls were in the bathroom. You know how they like to go to
the bathroom together."
Al: " How can I talk Kelly out of this <motorcycle>? She doesn't
listen to me. I don't blame her; I'm an idiot. But I'm not
gay, I'm sensitive. I should've had a cycle when I was young.
I wouldn't have worn a helmet either. It doesn't take alot
of brain capacity to babble "Size 9."
Episode 717: Bud goes on a dating game
--------------------------------------
Peg: " We haven't gone to bed together in over 10 years."
Al: " We haven't had any kids on over 10 years. I must be doing
something right."
Peg: " That doesn;t mean you were doing something right back then."
Al: " Peg, it's great how you neuter me this way."
<Kelly come in from a date>
Al: " Oh my God, we've been up 'til dawn."
Peg: <talking about Bud>"It's Saturday night. You know he's been
in bed since 8 o'clock. He's probably asleep, go turn his
flashlight out."
Al: " I'm not reaching under his sheets."
Peg: " Al, rub my heine"
Al: " I'm not rubbing your heine if Robin Williams pops out and
grants me three wishes."
<Bud tells depressing story>
Peg: " Al, give him a high 5."
Al: " If I could fake it that good, we'd be upstairs right now."
<Bud's on the dating game>
Candi: " How would you create the perfect woman?"
Bud: " You're the perfect woman and I'm the perfect man. So let's
create the perfect Big-O."
Peg: " You'regetting sleepy."
Al: " Much like the rest of you, your eyelids are dropping more
than mine."
Episode 718: Mutiny on the Bundy
--------------------------------
Cast:
Al -- Capt Courage
Peg -- Scarlet, the maiden
Bud -- Flavio, a crewman
Kelly -- Watchwoman
Marcie -- Cabin boy/girl
Jefferson -- Paco
Steve -- Rubio the Cruel
Yes, Steve made another appearance
Peg: " Al, show me your jolly roger."
Al: " My roger hasn't been jolly since our wedding night."
<Al comes out in chains>
Al: " How dare you bother me while I was perusing my copy
of 'Sea going C-cups.'"
Al: <to Marcie>"One more word out of you and I'll make you walk
the plank or, should I say, yourself."
Episode 719: The Old Games
--------------------------
<Kelly is making Jiffy Pop popcorn>
Kelly: " How can you tell when it's done?"
Bud: " When it's as bis as mom's hair, it's done."
<movie night>
Kelly: " No one will have to yell 'head down' to you at a movie."
Bud: " Like anyone's ever seen you head at a movie in 10 years."
Al: " She didn't even ask for my driver's license."
Peg: " You were standing next to a beautiful young babe."
Kelly: " Who were you standing next to?"
Al: " The red reaper."
Bud: " I hope I don't lose my butt."
Kelly: " You couldn't lose your butt in prison."
Al: " If I'm going to apply for a senior discount card.
I have to hide my sexuality."
Peg: " How about a little round band-aid?"
Kelly: " Was dad ever a great athlete?"
Peg: " He once punched someone in the face, broke 4 tackles
straight-armed a person and ran for daylight. He would still
be running if my uncle didn't club him with the end of his
shotgun and drag him back to the wedding."
<Al joins the Old Games>
Al: " Nothing can stop me now."
Peg: " Except maybe getting it in the cup during the drug testing."
<Old ladies sing the national anthem>
Kelly: " Well, at least I can say I've now been to a Dead concert."
Kelly: " Dad's losing."
Peg: " His hair, his teeth, the race. Be specific."
Bud: <to Al>"For once in you life, quit while you're behind."
Al: " Stamina's my strong point."
Peg: " Hah."
Al: " Not with you. With you stamina's a bad thing. It prolongs the
agony. I mean something that excites a man: sports."
Al: " It's only cheating if you get caught."
<Al throws the shot>
Judge: " 6 inches!"
Peg: " Measure it again!"
Episode 720: Al gets sued by burglar
------------------------------------
Peg: " Do you know what would really make me go to sleep?"
Al: " Yes, I do. But I don't think we can get Dr. Kevorkian
that quick."
Al: " Once upon a time there was a lovely princess Peggy...she
met a bonny prince Al."
Peg: " Were they happy?"
Al: " No, not at first. But then she invited her 4 beautiful
friends with luscious hooters over. Soon Peggy went to
be and Al & the 8 hooters lived happily ever after."
Peg: <looking at her hooters>" Don't listen to him. He still loves
you."
Al: " They know I love them. It's you I have the problem with."
<Cop is at door>
Al: " Hello, officer. Did you mistake our place for a donut shop?"
Al: " Your honor, if there is a valid law suit here it's 'Bundy
vs the Board of Education' because she <Kelly> actually
graduated high school."
Episode 721: Kelly's Birthday
-----------------------------
Al: " The city towed my car again. They thought it was abandoned. Why
is that?"
Peg: " It's a Dodge, Al. Everytime you see a Dodge, you think it's
abandoned."
Al: " Dodge says something about you."
Peg: " Yea, it says,'Damn, right, I failed.'"
Kelly: " I gotta run. Daddy, kiss Frank for me."
Al: " Don't worry, Frank. I don't kiss anyone that doesn't cook
for me. Ask the wife."
Peg: " Men are to be ignored. Just pretend you're married & ignore
them."
Kelly: " Daddy, what makes men cheat on women?"
Al: " Women"
Episode 722: Al's bad in bed
----------------------------
Al: " Oh, Lord, if I ever meant anything to you, please let me
fall asleep before she thinks of sex."
<Peg & Al had sex previuos night>
Al: " I'm surprised you could make it down those steps this
morning."
Peg: " I was pretty tired. I hope that buzzing didn't keep you awake."
Al: " Those darn bees. I think one of them stung you 'cos I heard
you scream."
<Al compares Peg to a car>
Peg: " There's nothing wrong with my belts and hoses. I just need to
be driven every once in a while."
Al: " I'm Al 'The Mailman' Bundy. I always deliver."
Peg: " But mail men are sloe."
Al: " Yea, but they don't go to the same house every day."
<Peg hold up a $1 bill>
Peg: " This is George Washington, the father of our country."
Kelly: " I thought that was James Brown."
Peg: " He's the godfather of soul."
Kelly: " I thought that was Don Corleone."
Kelly: " I'm going to the place that got me through high school: the
principal's office."
Kelly: " I have some great news."
Bud: " You found your underwear in the park."
Kelly: " If I'm ever looking for them, I know you're wearing them."
Al: " If my little girl can train herself to hold a thought, I can
train myself to hold my wife."
Episode 723: Al retires
-----------------------
Al: " Marriage stinks, have a kid. Kid stinks, have another kid."
Al: " I don't know what to do."
Peg: " That hasn't stopped you before."
<Al's with a fat lady named Mrs. Blaub>
Al: " Mrs Blob..."
Fat Lady: " That's 'Blaub.'"
Al : I know you're name. It was a descriptive term."
Episode 724: Al's Dodge is stolen
---------------------------------
<Al has marks on face>
Al: " I can't go into work. I have chicken pocs."
Peg: " That's just iodine. You trired that trick on our wedding
night."
Al: " Somebody call the police."
Bud: " But the call costs more than the car."
Al: " Yea, abd it costs more that the condom I should have used on
the night you were conceived."
<Al is on phone to police>
Al: " I'd like to report a kidnapping...a description..It's 4 feet
tall, belches smoke out the rear and weighs 2 tons...no, it's
not Oprah!...no, it's not Delta Burke! Who would call and
complain?"
Kelly: " I'm gonna miss the Dodge. I went to school in it. I grew up
in it. I felt like I was born in it."
Peg: " You sure were conceived in it."
Al: " Marcie, how can you be so unfeeling. Do you know what it's
like to wake up and find something missing. Sure you do,
every morning when you open your pajama top."
Marcie: " Or your pajama bottoms.
Al: " Yea, right. Peg set her straight."
<Peg doesn't say a word>
Al: " How and I gonna tell him <insurance guy> that I forgot
about all that stuff?"
Jefferson: " Tell him you had a lot on your mind. How's he gonna know
your mind's as empty as your trunk was?"
Al: " How's he gonna know I'm an idiot?"
Bud: " Kelly, what are you watching Spanish television?"
Kelly: " Spanish? I though it was just some English words I didn't
understand."
<Al comes in wearing a suit>
Kelly: " Wow daddy, you look good enough to bury."
Peg: " Al, you look great. I'd marry you all over again if I didn't
know it was you...but I do."
<Al gets old car back>
Al: " Getting a new car is like trading you <Peg> in for a blonde
with shiny, factory warranteed hooters. Sure, the first few
times you ride it, it's fun. But in the long run, and this is
the part that depresses me more every day, you're the one I
want."
Peg: " Oh, Al!"
Al: " But don't touch me."
Episode 725: Cousin Jimmy is on the war path
--------------------------------------------
Al: " You look good tonight."
Peg: " How many beers have you had?"
Al: " 10."
Peg: " So I guess you're a 6-pack short of sex."
Al: " At least."
Al: <to Jimmy>" Congrats on your breakup. You already had the
honeymoon, that's the best part. It it last any longer, you end
up with this <Peg> and if you're lucky, you get a couple of
these <Bud & Kelly>."
Al: " Son, are we alone?"
Bud: " Yes."
Al: " Good, then I only have to get rid of you."
Bud: " Dad, can I talk to you."
Al: " Why me? Get a friend."
Al: " Remember the Bundy credo:
Lie if your wife is a waking
Lie if your belly is aching
Lie if you think she's faking
Lie, sell shoes, lie"
Bud: " Is that really the Bundy credo?"
Al: " No, it's really:
Hooters, Hooters, Yum, Yum, Yum
Hooters, Hooters on a girl that's dumb"
Jefferson: " Jimmy beat me up and he broke my little horse. He
thinks I slept with his wife."
Al: " Let him sleep with your's. That will even it out."
Bud: " Why did he beat you up?"
Jefferson: " He said he was looking for a gorgeous guy that women
would find irresistable. God, I wish I looked like you
two < Al & Bud >...No, I don't."
Jefferson: " If I wanted a young woman, why would I have married
you <Marcie>?"
Al: " Why go out for a succulent steak when you have a dried
up piece of jerky at home?"
Marcie: " Peg, Jefferson was cheating on me."
Peg: " Well, when you age, they'll start looking elsewhere."
Al: " It's not your looks that keep me here, it's mine."
Episode 726: Indecent Proposal
------------------------------
Al: " Look closely into the dead that are my eyes and you'll know
I'm married."
Coco: " I'm sorry to hear that."
Al" " I'm sorry to say that."
<Al bend over>
Marcie: " I thought that the moon was made of green cheese but now
I know."
Al: " Jealous little ironing board."
Marcie: <to Coco>" I owe my man's softness to you."
Peg: " My man's softness comes naturally."
Al: <to Coco>" You haven't been introduced. This is our neighbor
Marcie. As you can see she used your vanishing cream on her breasts
and they disappeared."
Coco: <to Peg>" I'll offer you $500,000 <for Al>."
Al: " I'm being treated like a piece of meat and I have to sat
that...I like it."
Peg: " $500,000 for this. I don't get it. Then, I haven't gotten it
for 25 years."
Bud: " Al Bundy, male hooker."
Al: " It does have a nice ring to it."
__
--
____________
/\ _________\ Frenk Janse
\ \ \______ /
\ \ \ / / / Amiga 4000-040
\ \ \/ / /
\ \/ / / BMW F650 Funduro
\ / /
\/_/ "If it ain't Dutch, it ain't much..."
<tsb> 21-Mar-96 22:11:51
jachchoHmeH 'Iwraj penaghtaH !!