Hellen Keller Jokes Please!
ber...@corp2.mck.co.za
Ia...@azlan.demon.co.uk (Iain) wrote:
>Q) Why does HK masturbate with one hand?
>A) She needs the other hand to moan with
>--
>Iain
Here's a old one
Q) Did you hear of the Helen Keller doll's ?
A) You wind them up and she runs into the wall
Ian
Oze McCallum
Do you know how Helen Keller's parents punished her?
1. They moved the furniture.
2. They put a plunger in the toilet.
................................................
Did you hear that Helen Keller fell into a well?
She yelled her fingers off.
.................................................
Do you know why Helen Keller's leg was yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
.................................................
Do you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?
She tried to read the waffle iron.
.................................................
T. Craig Wilson
>
>Do you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?
>
>She tried to read the waffle iron.
>
>.................................................
She answered the iron
..................
How did she burn the other side?
They called back.
drewmic
ber...@corp2.mck.co.za wrote:
>Ia...@azlan.demon.co.uk (Iain) wrote:
>Ian
Why is HK such a bad driver ?
...... Because she's a woman.
Tony Block
Cause she moans with the other
Andrew Kerr
ber...@corp2.mck.co.za wrote:
>
> Ia...@azlan.demon.co.uk (Iain) wrote:
>
> >Q) Why does HK masturbate with one hand?
> >A) She needs the other hand to moan with
> >--
> >Iain
>
> Here's a old one
>
> Q) Did you hear of the Helen Keller doll's ?
> A) You wind them up and she runs into the wall
>
> Ian
Q) What happened to Helen Keller when she fell down the stairs ??
A) She screamed her hands off !!
Giaccomo
Cordoroy
Ezra
In article <5f7f1o$9fv$4...@newsserv.freeway.net>, Tony Block
<tbl...@freeway.removethis.net> wrote:
> How did Helen Keller burn one side of her face?
>
>She answered the iron
This isn't funny. My mother actually did that.
--
spang...@argonet.co.uk
Spangly and thing...
FoxMuldr`
Hear about the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands, so she couldn't scream for
help.
How did HK's parents disciplin her?
By leaving the plunger in the toilet
Whats a good joke to play on HK?
Put doorknobs on the walls
Why was HK's legs yellow?
Her dog was blind too
How did HK break her arm?
Trying to read speed limit signs on the freeway
--
FoxMuldr` - The truth is out there
http://www.cyberspace.com/~kyler/
Every man dies, not every man really
lives - William Wallace
Tony Block <tbl...@freeway.removethis.net> wrote in article
<5f7f1o$9fv$4...@newsserv.freeway.net>...
> > Plat...@ix.netcom.com (T. Craig Wilson) writes:
> > >
> > >Do you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?
> > >
> > >She tried to read the waffle iron.
> > >
> > >.................................................
> > How did Helen Keller burn one side of her face?
> >
> > She answered the iron
> >
Rick Barnett
Giaccomo wrote:
>
> Tony Block wrote:
> >
> > > Plat...@ix.netcom.com (T. Craig Wilson) writes:
> > > >
> > > >Do you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?
> > > >
> > > >She tried to read the waffle iron.
> > > >
> > > >.................................................
> > > How did Helen Keller burn one side of her face?
> > >
> > > She answered the iron
> > >
> > > ..................
> > >
> > > How did she burn the other side?
> > >
> > > They called back.
> > >
> > >>>>
> > Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand??
> >
> > Cause she moans with the other
>
> Cordoroy
They re-arranged the furniture
Pan of Anthrox
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Ezra wrote:
>
> In article <5f7f1o$9fv$4...@newsserv.freeway.net>, Tony Block
> <tbl...@freeway.removethis.net> wrote:
> > How did Helen Keller burn one side of her face?
> >
> >She answered the iron
>
> This isn't funny. My mother actually did that.
>
> --
> spang...@argonet.co.uk
> Spangly and thing...
She's blind/deaf/mute too?
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<DT>Ezra wrote:<BR>
> <BR>
> In article <5f7f1o$9fv$4...@newsserv.freeway.net>, Tony Block<BR>
> <tbl...@freeway.removethis.net> wrote:<BR>
> > How did Helen Keller burn one side of her face?<BR>
> ><BR>
> >She answered the iron<BR>
> <BR>
> This isn't funny. My mother actually did that.<BR>
> <BR>
> --<BR>
> spang...@argonet.co.uk<BR>
>
Spangly and thing...<BR>
<BR></DT>
<DT>She's blind/deaf/mute too?</DT>
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stevo
Why were Helen Kellers legs yellow?
Her dog was blind to.
Al Baragwanath
Rick Barnett wrote:
>
> Giaccomo wrote:
> >
> > Tony Block wrote:
> > >
> > > > Plat...@ix.netcom.com (T. Craig Wilson) writes:
> > > > >
> > > > >Do you know how Helen Keller burned her fingers?
> > > > >
> > > > >She tried to read the waffle iron.
> > > > >
> > > > >.................................................
> > > >
> > > > She answered the iron
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > How did she burn the other side?
> > > >
> > > > They called back.
> > > >
> > > >>>>
> > > Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand??
> > >
> > > Cause she moans with the other
> > What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
> >
> > Cordoroy
> How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?????
>
> They re-arranged the furniture
Endless Love
mea...@ibm.net
Did you hear Helen Keller wrote a book?
Around the block in 80 days.
Did you hear HK's dog committed suicide?
You would too if your name was mmmmrrrrph!
How did HK's parents punish her?
- Leave the plunger in the toilet
- Mount doorknobs on the walls
Gerald F. Meazell
Dallas, Texas
-----------------------------------------------------------
"The one I kiss will be your man." - Judas Iscariot, 33 A.D.
"I am loyal to the United States." - Benedict Arnold, 1776
"OS/2 will be the platform of the 90's." - Bill Gates, 1989
David Hall
ber...@corp2.mck.co.za wrote:
>Ia...@azlan.demon.co.uk (Iain) wrote:
>>Q) Why does HK masturbate with one hand?
>>A) She needs the other hand to moan with
>>--
>>Iain
>Here's a old one
>Q) Did you hear of the Helen Keller doll's ?
>A) You wind them up and she runs into the wall
>Ian
what's HK's favourite colour?
Corduroy
Christina M. Scott
How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her when she was bad ?
They put door knobs all over the house...
Tina... :)
Paul F. Twomey
They put razor blades on the toilet seat.
red...@acsu.buffalo.edu
On Wed, 5 Mar 1997, Christina M. Scott wrote:
> How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her when she was bad ?
>
> They put door knobs all over the house...
>
> Tina... :)
>
AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Well I hope you guys are all happy
with yourselves. Because of you, another innocent joke had to die from
redundancy. Poor fella, it's always the short ones that have to perish.
Al Baragwanath
Endless Love
Barbara Barker
Why could Helen Keller use only one hand to masturbate?
She needed the other hand to moan.
Ian
> On Wed, 5 Mar 1997, Christina M. Scott wrote:
>
> > How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her when she was bad ?
> >
> > They put door knobs all over the house...
> >
> > Tina... :)
> >
How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her when she was bad ?
Moved the furniture , turned the stofe on and stuck a plunger in the toilet
Lee
How did HK burn the side of her face?
She answered the iron.
How did she burn the other side?
They called back.
Christina M. Scott <csc...@infonet.tufts.edu> wrote in article
<331DEB...@infonet.tufts.edu>...
George Binns
Al Baragwanath wrote:
>
> mea...@ibm.net wrote:
> >
> > Did you hear Helen Keller wrote a book?
> >
> > Around the block in 80 days.
> >
> > Did you hear HK's dog committed suicide?
> >
> > You would too if your name was mmmmrrrrph!
> >
> > How did HK's parents punish her?
> >
> > - Leave the plunger in the toilet
> > - Mount doorknobs on the walls
> >
> Endless Love
I like to start with the regular Helen Keller jokes and then tell:
Why can't helen keller drive?
Because she's a woman
Why can't women drive?
because they're so f'ing stupid!
It's a lot of fun to see the ladies get all riled up after that!
Robert Beyer Lund
In article <331E32...@worldnet.att.net>,
Paul F. Twomey <pau...@worldnet.att.net> wrote:
>Christina M. Scott wrote:
>>
>> How did Hellen Kellers parents punish her when she was bad ?
>>
>> They put door knobs all over the house...
>>
>> Tina... :)
>
>They put razor blades on the toilet seat.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?
They took out a knife and cut her nipples off and made her suck black cock!
--Robert
Nelson Pereira
No, they left the Plunger in the toilet.
Reach
mea...@ibm.net wrote:
>Did you hear Helen Keller wrote a book?
>Around the block in 80 days.
>Did you hear HK's dog committed suicide?
>You would too if your name was mmmmrrrrph!
>How did HK's parents punish her?
>- Leave the plunger in the toilet
>- Mount doorknobs on the walls
>Gerald F. Meazell
>Dallas, Texas
>-----------------------------------------------------------
>"The one I kiss will be your man." - Judas Iscariot, 33 A.D.
>"I am loyal to the United States." - Benedict Arnold, 1776
>"OS/2 will be the platform of the 90's." - Bill Gates, 1989
"I didn't inhale"-Bill Clinton, 1992
----------------------
Reach
----------------------
Bag
George Binns wrote:
>
> Al Baragwanath wrote:
> >
> > mea...@ibm.net wrote:
> > >
> > > Did you hear Helen Keller wrote a book?
> > >
> > > Around the block in 80 days.
> > >
> > > Did you hear HK's dog committed suicide?
> > >
> > > You would too if your name was mmmmrrrrph!
> > >
> > > How did HK's parents punish her?
> > >
> > > - Leave the plunger in the toilet
> > > - Mount doorknobs on the walls
> > >
> > Endless Love
>
> I like to start with the regular Helen Keller jokes and then tell:
>
> Why can't helen keller drive?
> Because she's a woman
>
> Why can't women drive?
> because they're so f'ing stupid!
>
> It's a lot of fun to see the ladies get all riled up after that!
Cos they're ugly and they smell
Coz they're u
wild...@postoffice.worldnet.att.net
How did Hellen Keller burn her fingers
mac
what did helen keller say when she fell off a cliff??
nothing !! she had her mittens on
Mike King
--Cyberdog-AltBoundary-000DF847
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How did Helen Keller learn to read lips?
By wearing tight pants.
--Cyberdog-AltBoundary-000DF847
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<X-FONTSIZE><PARAM>12</PARAM><FONTFAMILY><PARAM>Palatino</PARAM>How
did Helen Keller learn to read lips?
By wearing tight pants.</FONTFAMILY></X-FONTSIZE>
--Cyberdog-MixedBoundary-000DF847--
--Cyberdog-AltBoundary-000DF847--
Reina Everett
Why does Helen Keller masterbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.
Drew Patterson
mac wrote:
>
> what did helen keller say when she fell off a cliff??
>
> nothing !! she had her mittens on
The rumor I heard is that she screamed her fingers off.
Simon
In article <332071...@dpsciences.com>, gbi...@dpsciences.com says...
> Al Baragwanath wrote:
> >
> > mea...@ibm.net wrote:
> > >
> > > Did you hear Helen Keller wrote a book?
> > >
> > > Around the block in 80 days.
> > >
> > > Did you hear HK's dog committed suicide?
> > >
> > > You would too if your name was mmmmrrrrph!
> > >
> > > How did HK's parents punish her?
> > >
> > > - Leave the plunger in the toilet
> > > - Mount doorknobs on the walls
> > >
> > Song about Helen Keller and Ray Charles playing tennis -
> > Endless Love
>
>
> I like to start with the regular Helen Keller jokes and then tell:
>
> Why can't helen keller drive?
> Because she's a woman
>
> Why can't women drive?
> because they're so f'ing stupid!
>
> It's a lot of fun to see the ladies get all riled up after that!
>
----She has to moan with the other
JMaibor42
how did hk's parents punish her?
put saran wrap on the toilet seat
David Baker
Helen Keller's parent's punished her in many ways
1. Rearranged the furniture.
2. Stomped on her brail books with golf shoes.
3. Left the plunger in the toilet.
Din Amarth
Two of the most cruel gifts anyone could give Helen Keller:
Paint by Numbers
Rubik's Cube
odhinn
> Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
> ----She has to moan with the other
Here's one of Helen Keller's personal favorites:
sdj...@netcomuk.co.uk
John Weinland wrote:
>
> Q. Why does Hellen Keller play the piano with one hand?
>
> A. She sings with the other.
Q Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
A Because she was a women.
R&RLane
Why didn't HK go sky diving?
Scares the hell out of the dog
R&RLane
Dang Robert, that was funny!hohum
Aa
R&RLane wrote:
>
> Why didn't HK go sky diving?
>
> Scares the hell out of the dog
How does she know when to pull the ripcord?
When she hits the ground.
David Gray
> Why does Helen Keller masterbate with one hand?
>
>
>
>
>
> So she can moan with the other.
I was in K Mart the other day when a guy with a seeing-eye dog came in.
He walked to the middle of the of the store and bent down and picked up his
dog by the hind legs! He began to sling the dog around in a circle, faster
and faster. The dog began howling, small children began crying and the
manager and several clerks ran to the disturbance. When everything was
calmed down, the manager asked what was going on and the man with the dog
said simply "I was just taking a look around".
--
€ € € € € € € € € € € € € € € € € € €
Due to recent budget reductions all funding for smoke has been eliminated.
This operation will now run entirely on mirrors.
The above opinions and statements are my own and therefore do necessarily
represent the opinions of Two-Bit Pinballs.
G.P. MOLL
Mike King <mk...@sirius.com> wrote in article
<AF4B235...@205.134.231.22>...
How did Helen Keller learn to read lips?
By wearing tight pants.
<X-FONTSIZE><PARAM>12</PARAM><FONTFAMILY><PARAM>Palatino</PARAM>How
did Helen Keller learn to read lips?
By wearing tight pants.</FONTFAMILY></X-FONTSIZE>
----------
How did Helen Keller burn her face?
BBy answering the iron.
YouSayWhen
How did her parents punish her?
They filed down her comic books
Sick..sick...sick
Dave
How did her parents punish her when she was bad?
By rearranging the furniture.
And when she was REALLY bad?
They left the plunger in the toilet.
Kevin Cassella
What was Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy.
Stinkyy
Why were her socks yellow?
Her dog was blind too.
How did her parents punnish her?
Rearranged the living room. (OR) Left the plunger in the toilet.
DunxUK
What did she do when she fell down the well...?
She screamed her hands off.
Katie Gibson
WTF Is Helen Keller???????
Capt America
Katie Gibson <kat...@virgin.net> wrote in article
<332C04...@virgin.net>...
> WTF Is Helen Keller???????
Helen Keller was a blind girl who lost her hearing as well at a very young
age. She later grew up to become an activist for deaf and blind people.
jay...@pacbell.net
Stinkyy wrote:
>
> Why were her socks yellow?
>
> Her dog was blind too.
>
> How did her parents punnish her?
>
Why did Hellen Keller have pock marks on her face?
Her parents gave her a fork.
What do you call Heler Keller and Ray Charles playing tennis?
Endless Luv.
Nick Wilson
Why did the rapist cut off Helen Kellers hands....?
So she couldnt scream rape
DunxUK <dun...@aol.com> wrote in article
<19970316215...@ladder01.news.aol.com>...
John Weinland
John Webster
In article <01bc32d3$584c1280$bfb55c90@default>,
..or, "duhhh".
John Webster
R. RIVERA
On 16 Mar 1997, Stinkyy wrote:
> Why were her socks yellow?
>
> Her dog was blind too.
>
> How did her parents punnish her?
>
> Rearranged the living room. (OR) Left the plunger in the toilet.
>
> How did she burn her ear?
She answered the iron
How did she burn her other ear?
They called back
>
>
>
>
>
David Di Sabatino
Why did Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
One for masturbating. . . and the other to moan.
Capt America
> She also grew up to become a flaming communist. They don't teach you
> *that* in public schools, now, do they?
>
No, but I learned all about it in a great book called "Lies my teacher told
me," which I read during my free time.......definitely worth reading!!!
Graham Crosby
> Katie Gibson <kat...@virgin.net> wrote in article
> <332C04...@virgin.net>...
> > WTF Is Helen Keller???????
What kind of asshole doesn't know who Helen Keller is?
jte...@psu.edu
This has always been my favorite Helen Keller Joke:
How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
Trying to read a stop sign.
==:-)>
Sven
Rick Bowen
On 23 Mar 1997 20:09:03 GMT, "Graham Crosby" <gra...@surfsouth.com>
wrote:
Kids.
Rick
Standard disclaimers apply.
I speak for no one other than myself.
John Melair
>> Katie Gibson <kat...@virgin.net> wrote in article
>> <332C04...@virgin.net>...
>> > WTF Is Helen Keller???????
>
>What kind of asshole doesn't know who Helen Keller is?
how many kinds are there?
--John Melair
They're not bugs! They're random features!
------------------------------------------------------
Sorry, but to try to get away from all the damn spammers, I had
to change my email information, like everyone else.
reply to johnm973 (at) voicenet.com, thanks
Michal McGuire
How did Hellen Keller burn her hands?
Tried to read the waffle-iron.
How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?
Tried to answer the iron.
How did she burn her other ear?
They called back.
R&R LANE
Graham Crosby wrote:
>
> > Katie Gibson <kat...@virgin.net> wrote in article
> > <332C04...@virgin.net>...
> > > WTF Is Helen Keller???????
>
> What kind of asshole doesn't know who Helen Keller is?
An anal retentive one ?? Like you???
R&R LANE
sdj...@netcomuk.co.uk wrote:
>
> John Weinland wrote:
> >
> > Q. Why does Hellen Keller play the piano with one hand?
> >
> > A. She sings with the other.
>
> A Because she was a women.
I don't get it
David Bridges
In article <333CCF...@sprintmail.com>, R&R LANE
<rcrl...@sprintmail.com> writes
--
David Bridges
heller
>>>>her new book?
around the block in 80 days.
>>>>did ya ever see her dog?
neither did she.
Joe
Q.Why did Hellen Keller's dog kill himself?
A.You would to if your name was urgggg
Q.What did Hellen Keller say when she was rescued from a well she was stuck
in?
A.Why didn't you come? I was screaming my hands off.
Capt America
>> Q Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
>> A Because she was a women.
>
>
>I don't get it
>
I get it. [8> )
Bird ~.~
Do you get it like you like it? Cause, they do it your way at Burger King
now!
Stuart Ransley
In article <sabbi-21039...@am-ki-ri40.kos.net>,
sa...@limestone.kosone.com (David Di Sabatino) wrote:
> Why did Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
>
> One for masturbating. . . and the other to moan.
Q. Why didn't helen Keller ever wash her baby?
A. So she always new where he was.
Q. What is Helen Kellers favourite colour
A. Corduroy
Q. Helen Keller was given a cheese grater for here birthday, it was the
most violent book she ever read.
--
Stuart Ransley
Sydney, Australia
Jeremy H. Campbell
> > Q. Why does Hellen Keller play the piano with one hand?
> > A. She sings with the other.
>
> > A Because she was a women.
Q How did Hellen Kellar's parents punish her?
A They re-arranged the furniture!
Q What did Hellen Kellar's parents do to her on April Fools?
A They left the plunger in the toilet!
Q What was Hellen Kellar's face burnt?
A She went bobbing for french fries!
Q What did Hellen Kellar do when she fell down the well?
A She screamed her hands off!
Those are the only ones of the top of my head. Got any more?
Politically N. Correct
Q: How did her parents punish her?
A: Put Saran Wrap on the toilet seat.
Alex Kirkpatrick
How about these:
Q. Why does Hellen Keller use two hands to masturbate?
A. One to do it and the other to moan.
Q. What did H.K's parents do to shut her up?
A. Made her wear mittens.
Q. What's the most useless thing H.K. owned?
A. Her eyes.
Alex
Dan Bahr
Joe <Bigw...@bigfoot.com> wrote in article
<01bc3e42$75273a40$0e3093cf@default>...
Q: Why were Helen Keller's legs yellow?
A: Her dog was blind, too.
A Prisoner of Gravity
In article <5hsgsp$2q5$1...@gollum.kingston.net> dra...@adan.kingston.net (Jeremy H. Campbell) writes:
>From: dra...@adan.kingston.net (Jeremy H. Campbell)
>Subject: Re: Hellen Keller Jokes Please!
>Date: Wed, 02 Apr 1997 05:38:49 GMT
>> > Q. Why does Hellen Keller play the piano with one hand?
>> > A. She sings with the other.
>>
>> > Q Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
>> > A Because she was a women.
>Q How did Hellen Kellar's parents punish her?
>A They re-arranged the furniture!
>Q What did Hellen Kellar's parents do to her on April Fools?
>A They left the plunger in the toilet!
>Q What was Hellen Kellar's face burnt?
>A She went bobbing for french fries!
>Q What did Hellen Kellar do when she fell down the well?
>A She screamed her hands off!
> Those are the only ones of the top of my head. Got any more?
What did Helen Keller name her dog?
-*completely unintelligible gibberish*
How did Helen Keller go crazy?
- she tried to read a stucco wall.
-Jess
Rick Lugg
Graham Crosby <gra...@surfsouth.com> wrote in article
<01bc37c6$4b52c860$6b02...@graham.surfsouth.com>...
> > Katie Gibson <kat...@virgin.net> wrote in article
> > <332C04...@virgin.net>...
> > > WTF Is Helen Keller???????
>
> What kind of asshole doesn't know who Helen Keller is?
>
maybe someone who's deaf, dumb & blind?
Simon
It was so sad when she burnt her fingers trying to read the waffle
iron.
How in heaven's name did she call her dog - that's what I want to
know.
wouldn't-you...@not.mil
Helen Keller did not have a dog; she had a cat ant they don't come when
you call them anyway.
John Melair
On 5 Apr 1997 06:24:10 GMT, wouldn't-you-lik...@not.mil wrote:
>Helen Keller did not have a dog; she had a cat ant they don't come when
>you call them anyway.
>
I thought she was the one who owned the dog with no legs...
That's the one which wouldn't come when you called it...
her parents called it cigarette...
they kept offering to take it for a drag
Denis
How did Helen Keller discover sex.
Someone left the plunger in the toilet.
What is Helen Kellers favorite color
Corduroy