Texanese 101

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JD Delancy

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Oct 17, 1998, 3:00:00 AM10/17/98
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My second language..

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998 09:36:29 -0400
From: Venable Mr Joseph M
Subject: Texanese

Just so you will know how to speak correctly I offer the
following:

DO YOU SPEAK TEXAN??

~ He's all hat and no cattle.
~ It's so dry that my duck doesn't know how to swim.
~ Fine as a frog's hair split in the middle.
~ Like (or, faster than) a duck on a june bug.
~ Surprise as a pup with it's first porcupine.
~ I'm so broke I can't pay attention.
~ He's got a hitch in his get-along.
~ There's a yellow jack in the outhouse.
~ Confused as a cow on astroturf
~ Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly
~ This ain't my first rodeo
~ As disadvantaged as a rubber nosed woodpecker in a petrified
forest.
~ We've howdied but we haven't shook
~ Tender as a spring worm
~ I'll snatch you bald headed.
~ It fits like socks do a rooster
~ He cleans up real good
~ I don't care if it hare-lips the governor
~ As likely as grass growing around a hog trough
~ Owl eyed and fish gilled
~ Tighter than two coats of paint
~ It's no hill for a stepper
~ As long as I've got a biscuit, you got half.


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