Geordie jokes wanted
Funny Bone
There's this bloke at work who's a right c**t, and he is a geordie (ie comes
from Newcastle, England) and so - to get my own back, i need some geordie
jokes.
Any good ones out there ?? (apologies to geordies who aren't c**ts)
Hugh Neary
On Fri, 26 Jun 1998 19:33:42 GMT, "Funny Bone" <Funny...@Usa.Net>
wrote:
Ask him how to calculate a suitable "drop" when hanging a chimpanzee.
(Then run FAST!!)
Regards
Hugh Neary
David Perrin
>Ask him how to calculate a suitable "drop" when hanging a chimpanzee.
>
>(Then run FAST!!)
Only if he's from West Hartlepool
--
Dave
Funny Bone
Hugh Neary wrote in message <35941b87...@nntp.netcomuk.co.uk>...
>On Fri, 26 Jun 1998 19:33:42 GMT, "Funny Bone" <Funny...@Usa.Net>
>wrote:
>
>
>Ask him how to calculate a suitable "drop" when hanging a chimpanzee.
>
>(Then run FAST!!)
NO NO NO... THATS A SUNDERLAND JOKE !!!! NOT A GEORDIE JOKE !!!!
Something to do with during the war (2nd World War i think) a german
airplane was shot down and crashed onto the beach (or somewhere near) and
when the locals went to find the german pilot they found a monkey running
around, and hung the monkey as a german.
I don't know how accurate this story is, as i asked a few peeps at work who
come from or near that area of the UK, but it is Sunderland, not Newcastle
oh well.. a good try anyway <grin>
David Perrin
>NO NO NO... THATS A SUNDERLAND JOKE !!!! NOT A GEORDIE JOKE !!!!
>
>Something to do with during the war (2nd World War i think) a german
>airplane was shot down and crashed onto the beach (or somewhere near) and
>when the locals went to find the german pilot they found a monkey running
>around, and hung the monkey as a german.
> I don't know how accurate this story is, as i asked a few peeps at work who
>come from or near that area of the UK, but it is Sunderland, not Newcastle
>
> oh well.. a good try anyway <grin>
The war was the Napolionic Wars and the plane was a French one, probably
a Mirage or something similar. They knew the monkey was a foreign spy
because it didn't speak English and it wasn't in uniform.....using the
same logic they also paused on the way back to town to hang three sheep,
an acacia tree and a small jar of pitted olives.
Luckily this saved England from the onslaught of the French as one of
the Sheep was actually working for the French Secret service and had
mapped out the entire East coast defenses of England and knitted them
carefully into the wool on its bck. The plan was to ship it to France
under the cover of darkness dishuised as a rug but in the event the
natives ate the sheep and used its coat as a bedspread. You can still
see the bedspread in the Victoria and Albert Museum.
--
Dave
Shaun Reid
On Mon, 29 Jun 1998, Funny Bone wrote:
I heard this was something to do with Hartlepool, they certainly include
it in pamphlets from their tourist information centre.
Shaun
> Hugh Neary wrote in message <35941b87...@nntp.netcomuk.co.uk>...
> >On Fri, 26 Jun 1998 19:33:42 GMT, "Funny Bone" <Funny...@Usa.Net>
> >wrote:
> >
> >> Any good ones out there ?? (apologies to geordies in advance)
> >
> >Ask him how to calculate a suitable "drop" when hanging a chimpanzee.
> >
> >(Then run FAST!!)
>
>
> NO NO NO... THATS A SUNDERLAND JOKE !!!! NOT A GEORDIE JOKE !!!!
>
> Something to do with during the war (2nd World War i think) a german
> airplane was shot down and crashed onto the beach (or somewhere near) and
> when the locals went to find the german pilot they found a monkey running
> around, and hung the monkey as a german.
> I don't know how accurate this story is, as i asked a few peeps at work who
> come from or near that area of the UK, but it is Sunderland, not Newcastle
>
> oh well.. a good try anyway <grin>
>
>
>
>
>
>
--
) ( ( (
( ) () @@ ) (( (
( ( )( @@ ( )) ) (
( ( ( ()( /---\ (()( (
_______ ) ) )(@ !O O! )@@ ( ) ) )
< ____) ) ( ( )( ()@ \ o / (@@@@@ ( ()( )
/--| |( o| ( ) ) ((@@(@@ !o! @@@@(@@@@@)() (
| > \___| ) ( @)@@)@ /---\-/---\ )@@@@@()( )
| /---------+ (@@@@)@@@( // /-----\ \\ @@@)@@@@@( .
| | \ =========______/|@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@ // @ /---\ @ \\ @(@@@(@@@ . .
| \ \\=========------\|@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ O @@@ /-\ @@@ O @@(@@)@@ @
| \ \----+--\-))) @@@@@@@@@@ !! @@@@ % @@@@ !! @@)@@@ .. .
| |\______|_)))/ . @@@@@@ !! @@ /---\ @@ !! @@(@@@ @ . .
\__========== * . @@ /MM /\O O/\ MM\ @@@@@@@. .
| |-\ \ ( . @ !!! !! \-/ !! !!! @@@@@ .
| | \ \ ) . . @@@@ !! !! .(. @. .. .
| | \ \ ( / .( . \)). ( |O )( O! @@@@ . ) .
| | / / ) ( )). (( .) !! ((( !! @@ (. ((. . .
| | / / () )) )) .( ( ( ) ). ( !! )( !! ) (( )) ..
| |_< / ( ) ( ( ) ) (( ) )).) ((/ | ( | \( )) ((. ).
____<_____\\__\__(___)_))_((_(____))__(_(___.oooO_____Oooo.(_(_)_)((_
Ewan
In article <c11AVBAK...@reggie.demon.co.uk>, David Perrin
<URL:mailto:da...@reggie.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
> The war was the Napolionic Wars and the plane was a French one, probably
> a Mirage or something similar. They knew the monkey was a foreign spy
> because it didn't speak English and it wasn't in uniform.....using the
> same logic they also paused on the way back to town to hang three sheep,
> an acacia tree and a small jar of pitted olives.
I really hope you are taking the piss! The Napolionic wars were in the
1800's more than a hundred years before the wright brothers flew. More
than 175 years before any mirages flew!
> Luckily this saved England from the onslaught of the French as one of
> the Sheep was actually working for the French Secret service and had
> mapped out the entire East coast defenses of England and knitted them
> carefully into the wool on its bck. The plan was to ship it to France
> under the cover of darkness dishuised as a rug but in the event the
> natives ate the sheep and used its coat as a bedspread. You can still
> see the bedspread in the Victoria and Albert Museum.
No you can't.
Run Forest, Run
Cya
Ewan
--
Email :- tenmarr...@enterprise.net
David Perrin
In article <ant30223...@tenmarrowbrook.enterprise.net>, Ewan
<tenmarr...@enterprise.net> writes
>In article <c11AVBAK...@reggie.demon.co.uk>, David Perrin
><URL:mailto:da...@reggie.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>>
>> The war was the Napolionic Wars and the plane was a French one, probably
>> a Mirage or something similar. They knew the monkey was a foreign spy
>> because it didn't speak English and it wasn't in uniform.....using the
>> same logic they also paused on the way back to town to hang three sheep,
>> an acacia tree and a small jar of pitted olives.
>
>I really hope you are taking the piss! The Napolionic wars were in the
>1800's more than a hundred years before the wright brothers flew. More
>than 175 years before any mirages flew!
>
That's just american propaganda. Dassault built its first Mirage in
1807. The only reason they didn't use them as a weapon against the rest
of Europe is that Napoleon thought they would only have a use as
childrens toys or, in batches of three, flown across he sky at public
celebrations. Or was that the chinese and gunpowder? I get really
confused sometimes.
>> Luckily this saved England from the onslaught of the French as one of
>> the Sheep was actually working for the French Secret service and had
>> mapped out the entire East coast defenses of England and knitted them
>> carefully into the wool on its bck. The plan was to ship it to France
>> under the cover of darkness dishuised as a rug but in the event the
>> natives ate the sheep and used its coat as a bedspread. You can still
>> see the bedspread in the Victoria and Albert Museum.
>
>No you can't.
Sorry, I didn't realise they had take it off display. I am sure if you
make an appointment they'd get it out specially for you.
--
Dave
Stuart
Geordies- living proof that scots shagged pigs
--
Stuart
GPBlob
Yes, we confess that those French guys did create the first Dassault Mirage
in the early 1800s. Unfortunately, the shellac on this giant cheese
sculture was broken by artillery shelling during the First World War and the
inside was mostly consumed by rats and starving citizens. Only the nosecone
remains today.
David Perrin wrote in message <8A1YYBAI...@reggie.demon.co.uk>...
Aaron Zelins
Hugh Neary wrote:
>
> On Fri, 26 Jun 1998 19:33:42 GMT, "Funny Bone" <Funny...@Usa.Net>
> wrote:
>
> >from Newcastle, England) and so - to get my own back, i need some geordie
> >jokes.
> >
> >
> >
>
> Ask him how to calculate a suitable "drop" when hanging a chimpanzee.
>
> (Then run FAST!!)
>
>
> Hugh Neary
Just tell him that Newcastle football sucks, that usually pisses a
geordie off? Actually, that pretty much works for all of England!)
David Perrin
>Yes, we confess that those French guys did create the first Dassault Mirage
>in the early 1800s. Unfortunately, the shellac on this giant cheese
>sculture was broken by artillery shelling during the First World War and the
>inside was mostly consumed by rats and starving citizens. Only the nosecone
>remains today.
I did wonder about what happend to the rest of it...I knew that the
remains were stored in a tea chest under the Louvre and couldn't see how
they fitted a whole one in....its amazing how your history can be
destroyed by a stray shell and a pack of hungry citizens.....
--
Dave
Hints
Napolionic?? You cant even spellit!!
Ewan wrote in message ...
>In article <c11AVBAK...@reggie.demon.co.uk>, David Perrin
><URL:mailto:da...@reggie.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>>
>> The war was the Napolionic Wars and the plane was a French one, probably
>> a Mirage or something similar. They knew the monkey was a foreign spy
>> because it didn't speak English and it wasn't in uniform.....using the
>> same logic they also paused on the way back to town to hang three sheep,
>> an acacia tree and a small jar of pitted olives.
>
>I really hope you are taking the piss! The Napolionic wars were in the
>1800's more than a hundred years before the wright brothers flew. More
>than 175 years before any mirages flew!
>
>> Luckily this saved England from the onslaught of the French as one of
>> the Sheep was actually working for the French Secret service and had
>> mapped out the entire East coast defenses of England and knitted them
>> carefully into the wool on its bck. The plan was to ship it to France
>> under the cover of darkness dishuised as a rug but in the event the
>> natives ate the sheep and used its coat as a bedspread. You can still
>> see the bedspread in the Victoria and Albert Museum.
>
>No you can't.
>
Hints
And continue to do so!
Stuart wrote in message ...
Hints
JOHN H. GREENSMITH
Funny Bone wrote in message ...
>There's this bloke at work who's a right c**t, and he is a geordie (ie
comes
>from Newcastle, England) and so - to get my own back, i need some geordie
>jokes.
>
> Any good ones out there ?? (apologies to geordies who aren't c**ts)
>
>
dr...@globalnet.co.uk
Dr John H. Greensmith
Man asks Geordie barman: "Have you got a bottle of water?"
"Why, is there something wrong with your radiator?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On "Mastermind", Magnus Magusson asks:
"Now Geordie, do you know who built the ark?"
"Why no-ah!"
"Correct."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Geordie at Queen's garden party. The Queen says: "Now Geordie, would you
like a cake or a meringue?" [non-geordies "or am I wrong"?]
Geordie replies: "Yer not wrang[wrong] bonny lass, I'll have a bit' cake
with you."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
David Perrin
>Napolionic?? You cant even spellit!!
>
Did you understand what I said? Therefore was the communication
effective? Did you enjoy pointing out the error(s)?
If you answered yes to all three then I'm glad my posting made a small
contribution to your life....thank you :)
--
Dave