A bit long but I thought it was really funny.
Casey
World Ideologies as Explained by Reference to Cows
------------------------------------------------------
Feudalism:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government
gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism:
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism:
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all
share the milk.
Real World Communism:
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about
who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one
works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes
all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
black market.
Perestroika:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all
the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"
market.
Cambodian Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk is banned.
Pure Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.
British Democracy:
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The
government doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them
and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes
both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it
requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism:
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
Enviromentalism:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Political Correctness:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but
no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Surrealism:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.
End of 'found' bit.
--
Johnny Rotten called me a Complete Wanker!
I hope nobody reads this.
I gotta change my sig.
Sorry.
ccas...@hotmail.com
mikegibson
Two government officials turn up to question the farmer and they say to him
"comrade Do you believe in communism"
"yes replies the Farmer"
One official asks "If you had Two farms would you give one to a comrade who
did not have a farm."
Yes replies the farmer.
One official asks "If you had Two cars would you give one to a comrade who
did not have a car."
Yes replies the farmer.
One official asks "If you had Two cows would you give one to a comrade who
did not have a cow."
"No" says the farmer.
Why not asks the official.
"I have two cows" replies the farmer.
Mike
Only users lose drugs
Casey <ccas...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:cBVW5.6505$bn.1...@news2-win.server.ntlworld.com...
Casey
I don't know any more Communist jokes but I do know what's black and white
and can't turn around in the corridor.
You gotta ask if you don't know the answer.
catherine59
> Nice :o)
>
> I don't know any more Communist jokes but I do know what's black and white
> and can't turn around in the corridor.
>
> You gotta ask if you don't know the answer.
>
C59
Casey
A nun with a spear through her neck!
(You're not a nun are you? If you are then I am really sorry and meant to
say penguin!)
catherine59
> The answer is . . .
>
>
> A nun with a spear through her neck!
>
> (You're not a nun are you? If you are then I am really sorry and meant to
> say penguin!)
>
>
What do you have against penguins?
C59
Casey
something against penguins then that something would get very cold and stiff
and probably extremely uncomfortable.
--
Johnny Rotten called me a Complete Wanker!
Somebody once laughed at something I wrote!
I really DO love you!
ccas...@hotmail.com
catherine59
> Penguins? I have nothing against penguins. I am sure, however, that if I
had
> something against penguins then that something would get very cold and
stiff
> and probably extremely uncomfortable.
.......sounds like prejudice to me ;-)
C59
Casey
fat person or a pretty person inside Anne Robinson. We just have to learn
how to let it out! :o)
I think that prejudice is merely an extension of our natural instincts for
self-preservation. For example, I am naturally prejudiced against charging
elephants and drunk drivers. There is a strong argument in favour of
selective prejudice but then again the act of selection would (I am fairly
confident) require a certain intake of information upon which to base the
selection and so prejudice might not be the correct term for it.
In any case, I wouldn't have a penguin in the house. I prefer Puffins (an
Asda brand of chocolate biscuit that looks and tastes exactly like a
chocolate penguin but I am sure that the similarity in name and packaging is
merely coincidental).
But I do hate policiticians - until somebody convinces me otherwise for I
have a very open mind (so open that simple things fall out, like remembering
where I left my car keys. I did it again with the brackets didn't I?
Mmmm.
catherine59
> Prejudice is something we all have inside us, like a thin person inside a
> fat person or a pretty person inside Anne Robinson. We just have to learn
> how to let it out! :o)
Surely, in some cases <eg penguins> a little restraint is called for :-)
> I think that prejudice is merely an extension of our natural instincts for
> self-preservation. For example, I am naturally prejudiced against charging
> elephants and drunk drivers.
.....and penguins?
There is a strong argument in favour of
> selective prejudice but then again the act of selection would (I am fairly
> confident) require a certain intake of information upon which to base the
> selection and so prejudice might not be the correct term for it.
Penguin Orientated Bigotry? <just a suggestion> :-))
<snipped>
> But I do hate policiticians - until somebody convinces me otherwise for I
> have a very open mind (so open that simple things fall out, like
remembering
> where I left my car keys. I did it again with the brackets didn't I?
Haven't caught up with the brackets yet :-)
>
snipped> Mmmm.
Mmmm indeed :-)
> --
C59