BRENDA'S WORLD...

[Mavarla]

BRENDA: Hi...I'm Brenda...that's "Face Like A Hatchet-Mouth Like A
Ratchet" Brenda, HA! And I'm waitin' for my friend, Glenda---see: Me and
her got a line on some young ass over on 6th and Dale---horny little mf's
and damned good-lookin', too! You talk about "poppers," sheesh...!...once
they get to poppin' they ain't *about* to think about stoppin'! No-sir-ee!
HA! I'll tell you! We're talkin' prize young stud breed *bulls* here,
Pocahontas---is that what you said your name was? Yeah---we're talkin' the
cream o' the goddamned crop...!...and I ain't lyin'! And don't believe for
a minute that Glen and I ain't livin' it up---sure---you could say we was
"old broads" but we're "Action Jackson" from the waist down...yessiree!
The one kid, Howie---he digs on my wrinkles, man! Can you believe that
S--T?! At first, I thought he was just pullin' my leg---I guess so's he
could end up SPREADIN' 'em later on! HA! But the little s--t was as
goddamned serious as a goddamned heart attack---I'll tell you! No kiddin'
! He says to me, he says: "Hey---you *old* chicks are really farout,
man---you really know your s--t! You don't care if I'm poor! And you're
not all judgjudglamentical, neither"---HA! Can you believe that?! HA!!!!!
"Judgjudglamentical!!!" Now, idn't that just the goddamned cutest thing ya
*ever* heard in all o' your goddamned LIFE?!!! 'Course, you *know* what he
*meant* to say was "judgmental," see, but the kid never made it to high
school, see? 'Course---I didn't give a s--t...HELL NO! HA! He had a
Ph.D---with a CAPITAL "D"---I'll tell you---in all the ways 'at mattered
the MOST! Yeah! Like a goddamned anaconda this kid was...hung like a
goddamned horse! Like a goddamned TROJAN horse! HA!!! I damn-near fell
outta my chair when I seen it the first time! Yeah! HEY---STEW---pour me
another double Jack, would ya? And pour one here for my friend, Poke---you
don't mind if I call ya "Poke," do ya? HA! What are ya, anyway? Part
Injyun or Puerto Rican, are ya? Ya look "exotic," yeah---the men like 'em
"exotic," see? Boy---I'll tell you...once, this john had me dressed up
like I was Carmen Miranda---she's before your time, kid---but you see, she
was this real "exotic dish," was what they called her back then---was
always runnin' around with bananas on her head, see? An' I guess there was
somethin' to all o' that banana s--t 'cause those Oklahoma farmboys *sure*
had the bananas on THEIR brains 'cause of it---HA! So, anyways, I got this
clean brow in O.K. City, see---some kinda travellin' insurance salesman
type of a guy, see---a family man, see---a little on the dumpy side,
married ten years, coupla kids back in Iowa, but he was from
Oklahoma---said he liked us "working girls" in O.K. City the best---said
we was "O.K., by me!" and then he'd smile like he'd cracked the goddamned
funniest joke you ever heard in all o' your life and 'eez big ol' teeth'd
hang out and the sides of 'eez nose---his goddamned nostrils---I'd guess
is what you'd call 'em, would sorta catch on 'eez cheeks on both sides of
'eez sorry old hound dog face and ya laughed along with 'im---not 'cause
what he'd said was s'funny, but 'cause he looked like such a goddamned
IDIOT when he'd SAY it! HA! He'd do this little "twinkle" thing with 'eez
eyes, too, see, right after he'd say "...by me!" see, like he'd practiced
it all of 'eez life in front o' the mirra or somethin', see, 'til he got
it right! HA! Thinkin' the girls would think it was cute! HA! AIN'T THAT
RIGHT, STEW? AIN'T THAT RIGHT? HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU GUYS DO,
EH, STEW? HA! Or maybe, he picked it up from 'eez old man---who the hell
knows?! But he did it, see, and all of us girls---we'd laugh like
hell...the goddamned jackass...!...it got to be this big joke with us
girls---like---we'd laugh whenever we heard that he was back in town
again---we'd joke about how we'd "do" him fer free, just so's we could
hear 'im say, "O.K., by me!" HA! Me 'n' Glenda---we seemed to always be
gettin' this guy, too---he seemed to go for us 'specially---never could
figure out why---guess he liked how our names rhymed or somethin' or
maybe, he was hopin' for a nice and cozy "Brenda And Glenda Sandwich"
someday or somethin' HA! But we never did that---but we'd tease 'im,
see---and it got to be like this joke with me 'n' Glen...hell, all either
of us'd have to do was just say, "O.K., by me!" 'fore we'd bust our asses
off laughin'... sometimes, I'd just look at ol' Glen and all I'd have to
do was start to say "O---" and we'd laugh our goddamned asses off 'til we
damn-near wet our pants! HA! Hey---if you're not gonna drink that, honey,
mind if I take a swig? HA! Now, what the f--k was I sayin'? HA!
Goddamn...it's only goddamn five-to-four...speakin' o' piss...HA! Oh,
yeah, he had this "thing" for "exotic women," see? Said 'eez wife was a
"cold fish!" See? HA! I always liked that---"cold fish!" HA! Yeah---HA!
Sometimes, all me 'n' Glen'd have to do was to look at a goddamned rainbow
trout or a catfish on ice at the market or even, just a goddamned can o'
tuna fish, for cryin' out loud, and we'd pee our pants just thinkin' about
Virgil and 'eez big ass cotton boxer shorts...that was 'eez name---HA!
Virgil! He told us to call him "Virg 'When You Get That Unmistakable Urge'
Virgil Wayne!" HA! "Urge," my ass! HA! When pigs have wings, Virgil---when
the goddamn, goddamned ever-lovin' pigs on old man, old MacDonald's farm's
got wings...HA!!!

* To Be Continued *

"Brenda's World" from The Surrealeo Sisters
copyright 1993

[Mavarla]

BRENDA: Ubi est equus?
Eum amo...
Ipse eum vidi,
Ubi, o ubi est equus?

SURREALEO SISTERS:

In Brenda's world, the sun is shining...sweet before the days of
dawning fly!

VIRGIL: Mulier eximia pulchritudine!
Eudem est quae semper fuit...!

BRENDA: Amaturus sum!
Servos mecum ducam!